Real Love, Real Life
Real Love Real Life dives into the unfiltered reality of relationships—dating, marriage, heartbreak, healing, and everything in between. It's honest talk about love and life, filled with real stories, hard truths, and the kind of laughs that come from lived experience.
No fluff, just facts, feelings, and a whole lot of growth.
Real Love, Real Life
EP 5: The Struggle Stops Here (and It Feels Good)
What if struggle feels so normal you don’t even see it as trauma?
Jasmine gets real about growing up around abuse and toxic relationships, and how those patterns followed her into teen years. Ernesto shares the flip side of a stable home, and together they talk about breaking cycles, raising kids in peace, and healing while moving forward.
It’s raw, honest, and full of hope.
🎧 Hit play and join the convo about turning pain into purpose.
Hi guys, welcome back to Real Love, real Life Podcast. I'm your host, jasmine and I'm Ernesto. Real Life Podcast. I'm your host, jasmine, and I'm Ernesto. I'm so happy to be back.
Speaker 2:It is episode five Big milestone guys.
Speaker 1:Last time we had quit at three.
Speaker 2:We're pushing through episode five and like what's crazy, like when we were doing the first time around, I don't think I was at work, huh. So like now I'm back to work, working, working 12, working 10s, doing this, like I literally just got done working 10 hours in this heat, but I still feel good. So it's like you know, you can't, you can't complain, you just got to thrive because you like coming here. Yeah, it's a, it's a vibe.
Speaker 1:It's a good time.
Speaker 2:This is an outlet for us to speak our mind, and you know for people in our like that we grew up with friends or coworkers. They're just like man this guy don't be quiet. But you know, we're blessed for you guys to be able to tolerate us, to keep talking and talking, and talking. So it's a blessing, guys, and it's Friday, like every day is a blessing, guys.
Speaker 1:People want more. I was on live yesterday on tiktok and I was on live for like an hour and a half and they're like don't go.
Speaker 1:And I thought I was like just getting boring because I was just putting on my lashes, and they're just like we just want to hang out, like just just talk to us, like it's girl time, things like that, and I'm like I can't believe that I grew up like being this little girl like this in Palo San. I just always kind of like the little black sheep of the family. And then now people are like talk to us, like we love seeing you on live.
Speaker 1:I got a message. Somebody commented um girl, like if I lived in Phoenix, oh, because I was saying that I still haven't found an assistant. And she was like, if I lived in Phoenix I would work for you for free, just to get to just to be able to hang out with you and I was like stop it there's people that try to take advantage right that's crazy that's crazy, but today we're talking about struggle and how I don't know about you but me.
Speaker 1:I kind of grew up thinking that struggling was normal because I I saw it so much in the household, um, aka my mom yeah and so I grew up just thinking like, oh, it's normal, struggle is normal everywhere in finances, in love, in relationships.
Speaker 1:You know, all of that just seemed so normal until I hit rock bottom and it was like so exhausting and it's like that's not normal yeah like, yeah, there's somewhat like beauty and struggle, like kind of like me when I started my social media, like a little bit of struggle here and there, like it, it's kind of what makes you. But when you're just so used to struggling with every single thing, it's like no, that's not life, you're not living Like, you're literally just surviving.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's tough.
Speaker 1:So I can literally go back to where it all started, like seeing my mom in abusive relationships all the time not just with my dad.
Speaker 1:It was like same type of dude it was like my dad left, he's out the door and here comes another guy, worse, worse, and when we're little, you know we're just seeing it all happen and we can't do much about it. Finally gets to the point where, like my sisters, are a little bit older and they know how to like. When we're little, you know we're just seeing it all happen and we can't do much about it. Finally it gets to the point where, like my sisters, are a little bit older and they know how to like, use the house, phone and stuff. And I remember one time my sister called the cops on the guy.
Speaker 2:He was drunk.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't think I've ever told you this story. So we lived on the house right there on 83rd Dang and my mom had this like really drunk boyfriend and he would beat out of her like all the time for no reason and we were little so, like you know, we couldn't really do much about it and that's crazy again, it was so normal that it was just kind of like oh he's here, like you, oh he's here.
Speaker 2:Like you get home he's beating on her. You're just like okay, let me go to the room.
Speaker 1:We kind of like knew we would like go to the room or like if we heard him, like if we would hear him get there, like okay, it was normal. Like in the face and everything we knew that beating was coming, he would send her to the hospital. Oh man, he would send I mean, how do you?
Speaker 1:His daughter actually follows me on social media, so that'll probably be if she watches this. It'll probably be rough for her, but she knew and that's exactly why her mom left him. My mom picked it up, thought somebody's trash was her treasure, but literally the guy would like send my mom to the hospital. We thought this was normal. This is normal. Obviously like we didn't like it, but we're like okay, we saw it with my dad.
Speaker 2:What can you do about it too?
Speaker 1:Now we're seeing it with my mom's boyfriend. And finally, one day my sister calls the cops. They pick up the dude. Three days later he's back at the house. My mom has us in a jail visiting him.
Speaker 2:What.
Speaker 1:All of us. We're visiting him.
Speaker 2:We're visiting him what All of us? We're visiting him Downtown, yes.
Speaker 1:That's crazy and hold on. Not only that, not only that, that's toxic.
Speaker 2:We would go. That's horrible.
Speaker 1:Far to see him Like after he got. You know how you get like.
Speaker 2:Transferred.
Speaker 1:Transferred to different.
Speaker 2:You're going to prison. You're going to prisons and stuff like that. Jail to prison, yeah we were.
Speaker 1:We were over here, like in different, like prisons, like if this man was like our dad and stuff, like visiting this dude after like all the stuff was a straight criminal yeah, so again, this is what I mean. Like imagine putting your daughters through all of that and then still taking them and again us. We thought that was so normal. We're going on a trip, we're going to go see my mom.
Speaker 2:We're going to the prison yard, we're going to go see my mom's abusive boyfriend. It's like that's a trip. You're getting out the house and going on a trip to Louis prison over there by passing Buckeye.
Speaker 1:That was our trip. We were getting quarters, we knew we were going to stuff like from the snack machine and like the fact that we knew that my mom struggled. Now that I'm older and I think about it and I like so my childhood is a blur, a lot like I don't like to. I mean, you always like try to ask me stuff about my childhood and I'm like back up, like yeah don't bring up my childhood, it just it gets me in a bad mood and I don't like it.
Speaker 2:Um, get you in a funk yeah, so what?
Speaker 1:now that I think about it, I'm like my mom was always struggling, literally paycheck to paycheck all the time, and she was wasting her money on gas on vending machine, money like for you? Know you? That's what you eat when you go visit somebody in a jail? I don't know if you've ever visited someone but there's vending machines and you have to take quarters. Everything's really expensive. You get like five bucks for a freaking hot pocket and so she would like cash out like a hundred bucks and quarters, quarters, so we could go visit him.
Speaker 2:And again to my point, struggle, but it's normal, it's like she's taking food off your guys' plate to feed homie, who beat her and then went to jail.
Speaker 1:But we didn't understand that then. To us that was so normal and so, like you know, she's not doing anything wrong. So, like you know, she's not doing anything wrong Now, that I am an adult and I protect my kids from things like that so much I'm like what the heck?
Speaker 2:was wrong with her.
Speaker 1:And that is exactly why I mean on our way here, you were like have you talked? To your mom, the last time I talked to her, I think, was May 30th and that day I actually, so I talked to her that morning and that night I had a conversation with my sisters and it was about this that we're talking about right now. We talked for almost two hours on the phone. We cried, we talked about all of these things that my mom kind of did and just kept like sweeping under the rug.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because you guys start remembering too once you start thinking back. Everybody's brain starts.
Speaker 1:So it was like, hey, you know, my mom's always kind of like played like this like victim and stuff, and yeah, like she's my mom and I love her and all this.
Speaker 1:But it's like, hey, hey, you chose this for us like you woke up every single day and chose for us to see you getting beat for, for us to see you struggle, things like that. So now I'm like maybe I just need therapy because I I feel like I can't. After that like conversation I had with my sisters and we opened up and we all agreed how messed up that was to put us through that.
Speaker 2:I don't want to.
Speaker 1:I love her and I still send her money, I still pay some of her bills. That I have been for the past two years. But lately nothing in me wants to talk to her because I'm, like you, made it like almost normal for me to think that struggling, that abuse, that all of that was completely normal. So what happened when I was 14?. Oh, I see the first abusive guy, biggest red flag on his forehead. So I'm like take me with you oh, save me yeah.
Speaker 1:So then again there goes me repeating literally my mom's spitting image literally getting hit every day like drunk, drunk boyfriend, all of this stuff.
Speaker 1:And and it's like why, why would you teach your kids that you, you think like, oh, I, I love them so much and because she does, like any chance she gets it's I love you, I love you here, I would do anything for you, I miss you guys so much. This. So it's almost like she paints herself as like this, like mother that would do anything for her kids. But it's like why didn't you save us? Why didn't you save us from seeing you get beat every day?
Speaker 1:yeah, that's crazy and I just I, I don't know, I don't know, hopefully one day I can you know. I wouldn't say like forget this stuff, but get past it yeah, because that's the only way you can get that wasn't just the like. That wasn't the only one I mean. Then there was the boyfriend that, like that I talked to you about, that went as far as S, s a I don't know if you could say that word.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Me when I was like 11, 12. Yeah, sick, and she knew and she knew and like for her to just like want to like keep a boyfriend and stuff like let him like do that is absolute Like now I'm like I think back and I'm like want to like keep a boyfriend and stuff Like let him like do that, that's sick, Is absolute. Like now I'm like I think back and I'm like so does my mom like really love me? Yeah. She says she does, but she did everything. That shows that she doesn't.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 1:Like, I would prefer that you be a deadbeat. Like my dad like, washed his hands and walked away. Then you have done all that to me because my dad like he. He walked away, he left, but I don't feel like resentment towards him. It's weird.
Speaker 2:He, he, he. He showed his true colors like hey, I'm a dead b yeah, it is what it is. He's not trying to be like hey, yeah, I'm gonna buy you a, be like that dad, I'm gonna buy you a playstation when I get paid. Like damn bro, that was when the playstation 2 was out. Now it's a ps6 coming out and I was like yeah.
Speaker 1:So I feel like I don't. I don't feel resentment towards my dad. I mean, I started talking to him, I told you like maybe a month ago.
Speaker 2:He, just he. He is who he is.
Speaker 1:I can't change that and and it's almost like I feel good and I feel at peace with myself when I have like conversations with him here and there.
Speaker 1:So like I talk to God, it's kind of flipping hard and, yeah, I have like conversations with him here and there, so like I talked to God, it's kind of flipping hard like and yeah, I'm like you know what, like God, like I feel good like when I talk to him, when we talk, so like if I should be doing this, you know, let me, let me do it. And one day he reached out to me, um, and we've been talking for about a month and a half now, like every other day just a little text message or a little audio message. I know he's like struggling, so it literally he didn't ask me, like he would in the past.
Speaker 1:He didn't ask me for help. I sent it to him. I sent him some money and-.
Speaker 2:Was he happy.
Speaker 1:He was really happy and really thankful and things like that. And I'm like I just want that type of like relationship Like, hey, I, I don't want to feel like I have to. It's like because I want to, I'm reaching out because I want to. I'm sending you a little bit of money because I want to. But again, I don't feel resentment towards my dad because he left. I feel more resentment for my mom that she stayed and she put us through all that.
Speaker 1:Yeah that's traumatic and making us think that struggling was normal. Again, like I said, when we would go and visit her boyfriends, we would get like well, she always had so more than one dude.
Speaker 2:You guys seen in prison.
Speaker 1:Yeah, wow, the dude, the.
Speaker 2:Like straight up movie, baby mama.
Speaker 1:The SA guy.
Speaker 2:You guys want to go see him.
Speaker 1:We would go see him in other states In.
Speaker 2:Florence. Oh my God.
Speaker 1:Like in her, like old.
Speaker 2:I mean, if he's in Florence, he's a straight-up criminal.
Speaker 1:Old, beat-up car like that would always leave us stranded. We would go like we would go and see him and we'd be on the side of the road for the rest of the day because her car was like heating up. Just to go see this dude, just to go see this dude.
Speaker 2:But she never took you guys anywhere.
Speaker 1:No, I mean, the first time I went to Disneyland was with you Other. Than like trips to Mexico to go with your grandma, Our trips to, our only trips, were to Obregon, when she would send us like with my grandma. She does say like, oh, that was the time that I could like, you know, so you guys can get out of the house, like for the summer, and she would like use that time to like work overtime or pick up a second job, stuff like that. But we would come back and nothing would change.
Speaker 1:She was still struggling. She was like so who knows, you know, she could have been like giving the money like to her boyfriends, things like that. One time we did um hear that while we were gone she got sent to the hospital by that guy.
Speaker 1:She was in the hospital and again we came back and she was normal. It was normal like happy little life that she was like pretending to have, but that's, that was like literally our life growing up. So then we, we grow up, and all of us, all of us were in a toxic, abusive relationship at some point, every single one of us you know it's a cycle my mom's first thing to always say is if you guys saw me learn from it, and it's like no, we lead by example, yeah exactly that's literally what you showed us and you taught us since we were little, since I was two years old and my dad left.
Speaker 1:That's all I saw my dad coming back guys coming back, you getting abused, drunk boyfriends going like I. I had no business. Like being five, eight, ten years old in prisons, like seeing like your boyfriends.
Speaker 2:A kid. That age needs to be in the museum. Science museum.
Speaker 1:Exactly. And then I, so I grow up, and then she wonders why I'm a rebel Like, why I talk back, why I'm like, I have all this trauma, like yo no le enseñe eso. That's always like her thing and it's like dude, you literally willingly put me through all that.
Speaker 2:Not only that, it's like that's how you measure a parent by their kids. The kids are a reflection of their parent. So, like, obviously the bad kids that always do stuff to get attention is because it's like screaming, like hey, I'm not getting attention from my parents, I'm going to go right on this wall so I can get in trouble, be acknowledged. That's my type of like you know emotional attachment, like people yelling at you.
Speaker 1:That's what. I tell my mom all the time. Well, not like tell my mom, but like I See, and that's the thing that every.
Speaker 2:She can't acknowledge it too she can't acknowledge it.
Speaker 1:Every single time that we've tried to talk to her about this and like hey, like this is how we feel about, like this situation, she just Shuts down she shuts down, she just shuts down. She shuts down like we're the bad guys. You know, we're always like being mean to her or stuff like that, and it's like, hey, I'm trying to close this chapter.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to heal from these wounds I'm trying to move on, but I need you to acknowledge what you did to me, and she can't accept that wow, too much pride, huh so, yeah, or I don't know if it's because, like, she's painted this picture to other people, that she's like this mom and it's like how is she gonna let, how, how, how is she gonna admit that she was wrong or that she really did like? Put us through all of that so again, like I was this kid screaming for help and nobody was there, my dad's gone. He literally like has his whole family literally a whole new life you even said so.
Speaker 1:I don't think the our, our friends know that you work with my brother.
Speaker 1:By my brother I mean my dad's son so he's like half my brother he's my half brother, so when he came here from mexico, you know, I've kind of always been even though we've had like little fights here and there but we've always kind of been like looking out for him. At the end of the day, that is who we are and you know what I feel like. That's like why we're so blessed. We do things without like expecting things in return yeah and somehow, like it comes back like 10 times, like better, like we're always blessed it's.
Speaker 2:I don't know the exact scripture, but god measures you on how you treat people that are inconvenient to you. Yeah, so if you know Joe Schmo right, there is not going to benefit you not one bit that you're going to have to give them a ride. You're going to have to lead them, show them the way Like homie from work. You're going to have to pass down the apprenticeship tools. That's just what it is. You have to have that role.
Speaker 2:It's like that video is like we're the people that don't have people yeah so it's like, like earlier, we always have to go hang out with our friends. We always have to go in to the world. But the beautiful thing about you know the people that you know I wouldn't say followers are along with us on this journey. They come and look for us. We're not used to that. So, like you said, when you're on live and they're like don't go, and it's like we're just so used to like catering to everybody, like people like want to hang out with you, like that's so foreign yeah and it's like when that's not instilled from you, from like a family.
Speaker 2:And that's the thing, guys. I grew up, you know, in a nuclear family. You could say mom and dad. You know I'm saying so. I guess that's how we complement each other, because you come from a broken household. My household wasn't perfect, but my parents did everything possibly to you know, give us the best, best possible life and keep the family intact, and my dad would never lay a hand on a woman.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:Like he will give his life for Joe Schmo right there on the corner, like, and that's just crazy, like how, and I feel like that's why we're with each other, because with our kids and all that you can heal from like like, yeah, that definitely wasn't like authentic, that was just toxic household, yeah, like.
Speaker 1:And then you look at my parents, you're like oh yeah, like when I see your parents and of course, like you said, they're not perfect but when I like see them and they're literally in the same household, like your mom in her house and your dad's like, do you want water? Like the man is offering her water in her own house while she's sitting on the couch, like what to me? The first time I saw that I was like he's probably doing it because I'm here and now that I've been like in this family for almost six years, I still see that he's like running after the girl with her medicine. Like, drink your medicine, drink water? Do you need this? Do you need that? Do you want me to go get you something? What do you want to eat today?
Speaker 1:And I'm like, wow, okay, so like that to him. That to me was like crazy and that's why I love your parents so much and your dad, like when he was sick. That's why I didn't think twice about it to take care of him and stuff. Because even though I've only known him for six years, I'm like dude, he's been more of a dad to me than my own dad like he took me to disneyland the first time, literally your dad took me to disneyland for the whole family.
Speaker 1:We just had to drive there, huh we literally just had to drive and like I don't think he knows how much that means that was a good time too, that's crazy, and I'm already gonna start crying yeah, it's crazy, but um, and that's a, that's what I tell your brother too.
Speaker 2:I'm like, the best thing about life is when you have kids you can switch it up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's why I think, like lately, that's been like hurting me the most is that I see our kids. You know our oldest about to start high school, middle child is about to start seventh grade and I'm like that's literally the hold on. That's literally the age where I was like screaming the most for help. Yeah, and I see my kids and I'm like they have to. The only thing they worry about is that like they don't have this skin that their friend has like on fortnight.
Speaker 2:Uh, they're worried about I'm bored they don't have this skin that their friend has, like on fortnight, they're worried about I'm bored.
Speaker 1:They don't have to worry about. Dad's going to be home in five minutes and he's going to beat my mom Like they're. They hear the garage open and they're actually excited and they don't have to.
Speaker 2:Everybody's excited the dogs, the kids.
Speaker 1:Literally they don't have to worry about dad's gonna come home drunk or this or that or like none of that, and that is so like healing to me seeing my kids grow up like that, like they literally don't have to worry about things like yeah, you know they complain about their chores and things like that, but I'm like the fact that their kid brains can just worry about kids stuff is amazing they're just complaining about being bored and honestly, like as I'm like doing it, like I look back and I'm like why didn't my mom do this for us?
Speaker 1:it's not that hard to show up every day for your kids.
Speaker 2:It's really not even if you don't have money, you can still be there for your kids because, we haven't been like this the whole, like our whole lives.
Speaker 1:You know we've struggled, and that's the best thing too.
Speaker 2:When you start to like accumulate wealth, you can't and that's the best thing too, when you start to like accumulate wealth. You can't. Money doesn't buy happiness, but it buys freedom. And it's like, yeah, you're accumulating more wealth. Guess what? We get? To spend more time with our kids now. Yeah, you know what I mean. Like I remember my dad would just be at work all the time. And like I look back, I literally could never remember a day my dad took off. And there's some days I'm like my stomach hurts, I ain't going to work, you know. It's like I'm like I've never seen him complain. I've never seen my mom complain. Yeah, she, like you know well she complains, but like she's like there's nobody tougher than my mom that I know. Like she's just like like you know what I mean. So, um, it's just crazy and and you know your mom's you know she was a hard worker and you know you can't take any credit, but it's like you have to make the right decisions.
Speaker 2:Like yeah but also, too, is like like how your relationship with your dad. You can't coach your parents, unfortunately, and so you just got to live with it and just you have to be better.
Speaker 1:You have to be better than them and that's the thing that I I try to like remind myself, like, hey, you know it's, I've seen it a lot like it's their time, it's their first time living too, and I understand that, but it's my first time living too, and I wouldn't put my kids through that. I will not put my kids through that. So it's almost like like I want to, and then I take a step back and like I want to, and I want to take a step back, like I, I really like I. I think I just need, I need to like talk to like a therapist about it.
Speaker 1:I've always been like, oh, I don't need that, or I don't, I don't like talk to like a therapist about it. I've always been like, oh, I don't need that, or I don't, I don't need therapy, things like that. But I think it's gotten to a point where I need it. I really really, really want to like let go, and I think that's why I've been so like open about it lately. I mean, after like five years, I opened about it. I opened up about it to you. Me and my sisters had never talked about it. It was just something that, like, we kind of put away and walked away from it, like it was almost like just, we never bring it up and we never bring up what we went through.
Speaker 2:It was like our thing.
Speaker 1:And when we opened up about it that day on the phone like we were on a three-way call and and I'm just like sobbing in the car, like I'm pretty sure they couldn't even understand what I was saying I was crying so much and I'm like I'm trying to be more open about it and talk about it more, even if it hurts my mom's feelings. I mean.
Speaker 1:I'm sure she she's gonna end up probably watching this or somebody's gonna, somebody in the family is gonna end up watching this and you know, go and tell her, because everything I post is always like did you see jasmine posted this or did she talked about that? You know, I know that my videos, like you know, get around the group the family group chats and stuff. But it's like you know what like it's about the family group chats and stuff, but it's like you know what Like it's about time that.
Speaker 2:But that goes for everybody. Like the first person who throws a stone, if you're not free of sin, you're nobody to throw that stone.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So it's like we're all here because of people not making, like, the right decisions. You know, like you know, there just comes a time and an age where it's like man, you know better, you just don't give a damn like, you're, just like it is what it is. Yeah, and you look at a lot of families like there's always like certain people that come and just change everything. You know what I mean. Like and I feel like that's what we are. We have to come, we have to stand on these virtues, whether people like it, hate us for it or what. But you know, the truth is always gonna. You know people are gonna go away from you because they can't accept it.
Speaker 2:But us, as human beings and for our kids and our grandkids to come, we had to stand on these virtues and it's like we have to pass it down. And it's like we have to pass it down and it's like we all have to be competent people making the right decisions. Yeah, we're not perfect, but we always have to get better. And it's like the people that critique you is like. You know what I'm saying. It's like you guys did some shit too. Don't, don't be acting like your shit don't stink.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean, so you know what I mean, but it tough. You know your mom's a good person. She's a good person, but it's just like nobody should go through what you guys had to go through and the fact that you guys all turned out decent or good.
Speaker 1:That is like that's what we said, that's what we closed it off with when we were on the phone. My sister's like I just don't know how, like I, my sister's like I just don't know how, like I'm not on the side of the freeway, like on some stuff, like literally she's like I don't understand how we are all here.
Speaker 2:You know we're all doing good.
Speaker 1:And you know, me and my brother were the only ones that didn't. You know, graduate high school and stuff. He has a good job.
Speaker 1:You know, I'm doing this social media stuff like that and I'm like it's literally god, there's no other way because we literally like basically raised ourselves it was tough too, growing up in the hood we basically raised ourselves and the fact that, like we knew, I guess didn't always know what choices to make, because like we got pregnant and stuff like really early, but like the fact that we didn't, like you know, jump into drugs, drugs things like that is is good we're here today and it was God's plan. And me like me, that I still hold like this, almost like a grudge with my mom. It's like I wouldn't I still don't fully like have abandoned her. I'm still like.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's still love, it's just tough, it's there, of course, like there's still love.
Speaker 1:I love her and she knows like anything she needs, right, like she can reach out, but I feel like, because I haven't been wanting to talk to her, it's like I don't even give her a chance. Like her two-week mark comes up and I'm like, oh, got to send my mom money.
Speaker 2:You just send the money and that's it.
Speaker 1:Like, got to pay her bills once a month, got to send her money twice a month?
Speaker 1:And it's almost like I beat her to the punch just to not have to face her like she just hears, like ding cash all right, I don't really have to call her and and I don't know, maybe that's why, like, I've been like talking to my dad more and stuff, because maybe I may you know, I'm still the, the baby and maybe I just, I kind of like always want to talk to a parent. So it's like, since I'm not talking to my mom, I kind of reach out to my dad even though he doesn't deserve it. But we've been having some good conversations and it feels nice.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he's, from what I hear from the audios, like with your brother. He seems pretty chill, like a likable dude. You can talk to him and seems like he has, like you know, good conversations. Oh yeah, he's, very charismatic too.
Speaker 1:I feel like if it wasn't because you know he was an alcoholic, so his like younger years, but now that he's like older, and he finally finally, like you know, is settled and things like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so he's like he kind of makes up for, like being a douche back then.
Speaker 1:So I don't, I don't think there's like bad people, I think everybody's like there's no such thing as bad people. It's just people making like bad choices, bad decisions.
Speaker 2:Same like with my mom yeah um we all can be corrupted, but I feel like he he literally like is not trying to make up for like how he was back then, but now he's more patient yeah he talks to you back then he just didn't give a damn oh yeah he. Now it's like checking in, like obviously you know, as a girl to you, you want your dad's love, oh yeah you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:I feel like that's like one thing that I've always felt, like, um, I've been missing like my entire life, like my sisters try to play, like you know, this big tough guy like oh it doesn't matter you know we had our, we had my mom, things like that and I'm like no, I crave that.
Speaker 1:And I think again. That's why I said, that's why, like, when your dad had to come home, like from the hospital, I was like me, I'll do it. I'll do it, like you know, just all the time. Or he comes over, john, do you want something to drink? Do you want something to drink? Do you want something to eat? Like I wish that I could do that, like with my dad. And now that we're talking again, he did like say on the phone, like the other day, you know.
Speaker 1:I wish he's like I wish we could spend like some time together. He's like I wish I could sit down and eat with you and stuff like that. Like I don't know, it just came out Like he just started saying random things like that.
Speaker 2:That's cool.
Speaker 1:Like I wish I could sit down with you and like have a conversation in person, and I wish like we could sit down and eat together and I was like like we've never sat down and ate together.
Speaker 2:That would be cool. It's just tough too, like especially where he lives. Yeah, I feel like if he lives somewhere else in Mexico, we would have probably went already.
Speaker 1:I probably would have went already, but you know where he lives. That's just not doable right now. I hope that one day like that can be possible, or maybe one day we can like fly him out to another state that we want to visit away from my mom um I think that would be a really like a, a healing journey yeah
Speaker 2:because, like you're always gonna put those demons the thing with your mom she just kept putting things under the rug until you just you're tripping over it. You couldn't even get, it was an obstacle, you can't get over it. Your dad, I feel like you know he's starting to try to remove that junk under that rug so we can sit, have a conversation and sit down together like the fact that he's like accepting, like hey, I wasn't there and I wish that I was.
Speaker 1:Um, but he doesn't just say that like he's, he says that he has like hope, you know that one day, like we're gonna be able to sit down and eat together yeah and I feel like that makes me like really happy, like, oh, he does, he does want to like, he does love me, he does want to see me one day and and that makes me, that makes me happy. I do want, I do want to have that someday and that would actually be really nice, even though it's like super personal. That would be so nice.
Speaker 2:to like vlog, yeah that would be crazy, since literally like people like started following me.
Speaker 1:I feel like I've talked about that, like having like, oh, the daddy issues and like you know, I'm pretty sure a lot of women can relate to that.
Speaker 2:I feel like that would be such a nice like vlog it might start a lot of people's journey too, because a lot of people come from broken households. So it's like, at the end of the day, we can't coach them none. We just have to rise and be better. Yeah, and like you, if, if you're that, that light you gotta shine, and you know that light you got to shine. And you know, once they see you shining, they're like damn man, mm-hmm, and that's the thing If you repent, you can be saved. So if they think like, if they truly genuinely think like man I messed up, like they truly believe that with every fiber in their being, then you know you have to acknowledge that too. Like, we all make mistakes.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So it's like that you have to rise above it and you know you're only going to heal if you go and visit that. So once you heal from that, then what else? Now you're just propelling even more into you know the atmosphere, because that's holding you down.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I do. I do feel and I hope that one day I can do that with my mom again, when she's ready to, because she's she's not ready right now Like you bring anything up and she'll be like that's not true. Or she shuts or you're trying to like accuse me of stuff, or, you know, you're trying to start a fight.
Speaker 2:So like, maybe, when she's ready, maybe we can take that step like with my mom too, and which is more convenient too, because she's obviously closer. So it's like you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and as people we block our own blessings sometimes, man it's like kind of just got to get out your pride and ego and it's like, at the end of the day, it's like all your kids are doing good too. It's like get out of your feelings in your head, like just acknowledge it and let's move on. Obviously it's easier said than done, but you know your dad's basically saying I messed up, whatever we can kind of do to patch this up. Obviously the wound is there. You're going to have the scar, yeah. But the thing about the scar, it's healed. The other wound, that thing just got Band-Aids over it. Yeah, 30 years worth of Band-Aids.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying. I think I'm definitely like at the age where I'm like I'm ready to, or I want to start like, just like laying things to rest. I feel like I'm almost there, like with my dad, hopefully soon, like it can be with my mom, and because all of that, like it drains you.
Speaker 2:It does it really like drains you. Yeah, how do you go on this vacation and visit your favorite, one of your favorite people and you come back like dreading it, like yeah make it make sense like no?
Speaker 1:I I feel like again, like you use that term a lot like just sweeping things under the rug, and I feel like that's how it's been like our entire life.
Speaker 2:It's easy, it's very convenient, just to be like you know what. And that's a difference in people standing on business, standing on these virtues. You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1:It's easy until you can't walk on it anymore, until you're literally tripping over it and it's like hey, I'm exhausted, now let's start pulling some stuff out.
Speaker 2:Yo and I feel like too, obviously I'm not perfect, but if I'm looking like from the outside in we, you know her example. We all just rely on our own understanding and it's like that's where we go wrong. At the end of the day, god is always with you. So you're going through your trials and tribulations to learn certain stuff. But we don't need all this unnecessary trauma, unnecessary struggle, like let's get it together and obviously we're not perfect, but like our kids, we're raising them to stand on these bet on business, on these virtues and principles that at the end of the day, I'm willing to die by this. I'm willing to die by what I love, what I believe in. You know, for this great country of freedom, like we're so blessed like, and you know, unfortunately some people don't take advantage of stuff and, um, you know, growing up in the hood, growing up in the struggle, you don't get caught financial literacy, you don't get taught financial literacy, you're just like, you know what Go get a job, just scrape on by that's the normal.
Speaker 1:That's the normal. Like it, struggling just becomes part of like the day to day. And then you finally get out of that and you're like what? Like that's not how it's supposed to be, like you're not supposed to be exhausted every day, and not just like physically, like work, like mentally. And I think that's when I noticed like hey, I have to start seeing what's under this rug, because I'm mentally like drained and exhausted. Start seeing what's under this rug because I'm mentally like drained and exhausted. And that's where, where we're at now. Like now it's like, hey, I, I peeked under the rug and it's not coming back there's some skulls and bones in there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so it's a we're not.
Speaker 1:We're not putting it back down now you can't so now it's like we're gonna get to the very bottom of this. It's like we're going to clean it up, because I don't want to go into my 30s feeling like the way that I've been feeling. I feel like I can't grow. I feel like I can't.
Speaker 2:It's like holding you back.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's almost like it's so weird. It's like you want to do something and then you remember all these things yes and and I also don't want to feel the way I feel, the way I've been feeling lately towards my mom, like I don't want to feel like that she's my mother, I'm here because of her right, and my dad too, so it's like I don't want to feel any type of way towards you guys. I love you guys.
Speaker 2:But it's like there's limits. We had to like confront this because yeah.
Speaker 1:It's like I love you and you guys are my parents, but this was like, that's it, like. This is how far.
Speaker 2:It's also, too, it's like you know you did a good job as a parent. If your kids want to, you know talk to you, visit you, hang out with you. And it as a parent. If your kids want to, you know talk to you, visit, you, hang out with you. And it's like, if you're like, yeah, I want, and there's a lot of people that are like I'm avoiding my parents, oh, yeah oh, like you're like. Oh, you don't hang out with your, you don't hang out with them on the holidays. No, people.
Speaker 1:I think it's funny that, um, I think I've told you before, like my sisters and stuff, in the beginning they're like it's so funny like ernesto's like always like with his parents or like you know, you guys, it's so almost like you want to include your parents and everything and I'm like I think that's the way it's supposed to be. Like he, he wants to spend time with his parents because his parents literally like did everything for him, so he's not holding any like grudges or anything towards his parents.
Speaker 1:They literally did what they were supposed to do. They were parenting them like he was in sports. He, if he messed up, it was like on him then, but they did what they were supposed to do and with no excuses.
Speaker 1:It's like I think they parent, I think they parented right if. If he's like oh, I want to invite my parents to this, I want to take my parents to this. I think that's the way it's supposed to be. But again, we think that these things are normal, avoiding our parents or, you know, like just sweeping these things under the rug. Also, in the beginning, when I used to hear hear you talk to your dad, like sometimes, like when you know you guys have to get to business, like talk about serious stuff, like the way I hear you like talk to your dad and just not let him like get away with something just because he's the dad, at first I was like whoa, like he's getting like too aggressive with his dad or he's like being too much, and I'm like that's probably why they have a healthy relationship, because you don't let him like just because he's the dad, you don't let him walk all over you.
Speaker 1:Or you don't let him like if he's wrong, he's wrong and you're gonna tell him, dad, no like, and I feel like with just like if I'm wrong, I'm wrong as a dad. He's like you're you're completely wrong son I feel like us growing up just to like, not be an inconvenience, or just to not, you know, make my mom upset and stuff.
Speaker 2:It's like, oh, the sky is red absolutely it's red, it's red and I feel like you know, every one of your siblings is traumatized of how you guys grew up and you, like, you wonder, like, why they're like that? And you're like yeah, I know exactly why they're like that yeah they're just like you said.
Speaker 2:I like to include my parents and all that. They're just kind of used to just independent me, my intermediate family. You know what I'm saying. So you know I'm obviously blessed to have great parents. But you know, hopefully you can truly heal your relationship with your parents and show them. It is like look, yeah, you guys made it now to pay attention to me while I was a kid, but look at what I blossomed into yeah you know.
Speaker 2:Look at this diamond you had in the rough look at this big old flower and you know it's like like my dad truly tried everything he could of me.
Speaker 2:He would come look at me, look for me at my friend's house man I was in middle school smoking weed, gang banging. My dad would come look for me banging on the door sounding like the police, and I look back and I'm like man. My dad is the realest person I've ever met and my friends could, like people I grew up with, make fun of me and all that, but I'm like hey, at least my dad cared about me. Where was your dad at At home, not giving a damn?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like my dad truly tried to save me from that. And you know, obviously I made a lot of mistakes. So you know, I look back and I'm just like you know what. Let's take my parents, you know going. Let's keep our camping trip. You know, keep the family tradition going, going up north. You know being patriotic and keeping these family traditions and you know it's like there's so much to be, like there's so much blessings, like in family and all that and it's like we have to take care of that and that's what's kind of like the downfall of america. People just get a little bread, act like they don't know nobody. Or you know, now that I'm older, I'm like now it's all about networking who you know and a lot of strangers will go out their way for you more than your own blood, more than your own kin. So it's like there's great people out there. So you just be yourself. Be yourself and if you're a parent, believe in your children, because if you know, how are you going to believe in yourself?
Speaker 1:if nobody believes in you, yep, you know.
Speaker 2:So you obviously turned out good. You're doing great, so you know you're a great mother, you know and that's why I kind of want to meet your dad. He's like you know what's up, man. He's like what's up, big dog.
Speaker 1:Well.
Speaker 2:Hard worker here and I was like 10 years union baby and I was like, but no, he's really chill and I don't know. I would just like to get to know him. He is.
Speaker 1:I just you know he messed up and I think he's like paying for it now. You know he's obviously regretting it.
Speaker 2:But that's what's good in it. It's like he's basically like kind of repenting, like he knew he messed up and it's like, and that's where it starts, I wish we could have a dinner. And then it's like all right, you plant that seed. Yeah, six months, hopefully, you know, the situation in Mexico gets better so we can go and visit. But other than that, as long as you keep that open line of communication, you're going to be healing. Every time you start hearing like, oh, I love you, has he told you he loves you.
Speaker 1:The other day he told me te quiero mucho All right, that's a start.
Speaker 2:So that's a start. So we're getting somewhere, Hopefully. Right, that's a start. So that's a start. So we're getting somewhere. Hopefully your mom's a great person. I love her. She's like a homie. Realistically, oh yeah, you could kick it like a homie. Like it's just you have to stand on business. So it's like, hey, hurry up, let's get over this little hump. We could be right there at the playa bonita Puro, calle trece. We'll be right there on. Rocky Point right there, you know what I'm saying. So it's like let's get this motion going.
Speaker 1:And let's, let's, let's just clean under the rug and, and you know, get back to business. I love my parents and but I do have to say that, you know, stop stop thinking that struggling is normal, stop thinking that these things are normal. They're not. Put a stop to it and and heal heal your relationship with anybody.
Speaker 1:I feel like life is like way too short just to feel like emotionally drained and exhausted now that I'm, like you know, feeling better. You know I'm still still working on things, but I'm like now that that I just like live a little bit more free and you know I have a great relationship with our kids, things like that. I'm like live a little bit more free and you know I have a great relationship with our kids, things like that. I'm like, wow, like I've been missing out on this, Like this feels this feels really good.
Speaker 2:It does, being there for your kids.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean, I'm pretty sure they know we got their back, no matter what.
Speaker 2:Yeah we're kind of a little hard on them, but at the end of the day, you want to be the parent where they could come talk to you about anything, not be too hard as a parent. But you know, and it's like now that you guys heard today's message about struggling, work for what you guys want now instead of fighting for what you don't want later. So us as parents, or if you're a competent person like and you know you don't have family or whatever you're the beacon of light that people don't have. So it's like we have to work hard and diligently for what we want. Guys, you know, especially I know a lot of people come from broken households and you know you might just be the one to fix all that. So you know, take example from us. You might just be the one to fix all that. So take example from us.
Speaker 2:Yeah, my parents are still together to this day, but there's a lot of stuff that I had to learn, that they didn't teach me. But you tie that in to keeping the family intact, acquiring more knowledge. Man, it's just going to get better. I'm looking forward to our kids growing up. I'm already thinking about the grandkids, because I want them to be like man, grandpapa was a badass on gun.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm saying? Be like he's a badass. That's my grandpapa.
Speaker 1:That's my granddad. He's always talking about that.
Speaker 2:He's a badass, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:I want to be like them old school cats. You know it's like cut the show, all right, um, but um, I had a great time. I can't believe I cried, but um, yeah, that was today's episode. I'm still working on on a lot of things. I have a lot of trauma, but we're getting close, you guys, we're getting really close to healing with my dad. If you know, if you guys are interested, let us know in the comments.
Speaker 1:I will be so glad to keep you guys updated with, like you know, any calls, anything like that If we're going to see him in the near future.
Speaker 2:That'd be cool.
Speaker 1:And just keeping you guys updated on how it's going with my mom, because I really want to speed that up gotta be optimistic we'll see you guys in the next episode. I love you guys later guys take care.