Imposter Syndrome: Some of Y'all are in Costume

Being inspired by me is free. Trying to become me is where it starts getting weird.

On this episode of Brunch Behavior: The Pour Report, I’m joined by Haydee Baby from the Ladies Pitch Podcast for a conversation about imposter energy, fake support, friendship red flags, authenticity, boundaries, and the people who somehow become a different person depending on who’s in the room.

We’re getting into that uncomfortable space between admiration and imitation, when support starts feeling selective and somebody’s personality starts looking a little too familiar.

Sometimes the mask doesn’t fall off right away. Sometimes you just have to stop explaining away what you’re already seeing.

🎙️ Tap play, subscribe to Brunch Behavior: The Pour Report, share this episode with somebody who needs it, and leave a review.

And go show Haydee Baby some love. Follow and listen to the Ladies Pitch Podcast wherever you get your podcasts.

Transcript

When People Send A Representative

Styles 0:00

You know what's interesting about getting older? You start worrying so much about whether people like you and start wondering which version of themselves they send to meet you. Because everybody who enters your life isn't necessarily entering as themselves. Keep that in mind. Some people send a representative, the agreeable version, the supportive version, the I'm just happy to be here version. I hate those types, especially. Meanwhile, a real person is backstage somewhere waiting for the probationary period to end. And eventually they clock in. Now you're sitting there like, hold up, who the hell is this? Because the person standing in front of you is nothing like the person who applied for the position. That, my friends, is a different kind of imposter syndrome. Not when you're questioning whether you belong in a room. Nah. It's when somebody else got in the room pretending they belonged in your circle. And unfortunately, some of these people interview extremely well. Which is why I say it's always important that you pay your discernment bill. Don't get your shit turned off, because that's when you get caught slipping. Hold on a second. We good? Alright, I'm coming. Yo, my table's ready. Let's go inside, chop it up, and take a deeper dive.

Discernment And Real Support

Styles 1:26

Welcome to the Brunch Behavior, the Poor Report. I'm Styles. And today's pour, we're checking IDs at the door because apparently some of y'all have been getting into people's lives with fake credentials. Yeah, have somebody joining me who knows how to call a thing a thing. My sister from another mother, Haiti Baby from Ladies Pitch Podcast, you know her, I know her, better than you know her, but we know her. She's taking over today's sip sermon and brunch behavior breakdown, which means I get to sit back, mind my business, and occasionally interrupt hers.

SPEAKER_01 2:00

This is your girl, Haiti Baby, and let's get something straight. Everybody who supports you doesn't necessarily support you. Sometimes people support proximity, they support access. They support what being connected to you makes available to them. And those are three very different things. An authentic person doesn't have to constantly remind you that they're authentic. You experience it. Their behavior matches their language, their energy doesn't completely change depending on who enters the room. They don't become a different person every time the audience changes. Because that's usually the first giveaway. Pay attention to people who shape shift. They agree with you when they're around you, then they agree with somebody completely opposite when they're around them. And somehow everybody thinks this person shares their exact values. That is not versatility. That is Wi-Fi. They're just connecting to whatever network has the strongest signal.

Styles 3:01

Side note. See, this is where I start paying attention. Because I don't need you to agree with me all the time. Hell, most times I don't need you to agree with me at all. But if your entire personality changes based on who has the orcs caught in the room, now I gotta watch you. Because I don't know if I ever met you or if I just met today's character.

SPEAKER_01 3:26

There's admiration, there's inspiration, and then there's imitation wearing admiration's coat. Because sometimes people become fascinated with everything you're doing a little too quickly. Suddenly they talk like you, move like you, want the same things, know the same people, use your phrases, adopt your ideas, and somehow their entire personality received a software update three weeks after meeting you. That doesn't automatically make somebody an imposter, but it does mean to pay attention. Because authentic relationships allow differences. You don't have to become me to connect with me. Just bring yourself. I already have one me, and depending on the day, that's already enough maintenance. The biggest thing to understand is this inauthentic people usually reveal themselves through inconsistency. Not immediately, but eventually. Because pretending requires memory. You have to remember what you told this person, how you behaved around that person, what opinion you borrowed, what story you changed, what personality you wore. Now, being yourself, that requires no rehearsal. So don't drive yourself crazy trying to expose people. Give them room. Time has a funny way of pulling masks down without anybody touching them.

Styles 4:48

And that part right there, that's why I stopped doing detective work on grown people. See, I'm not checking phones, comparing stories, calling witnesses, or pulling surveillance footage. Nah. Keep talking, keep moving, keep being you or whoever you decided to be this week. Because eventually the foolishness gets tired and submits its own paperwork. All I have to do is be patient enough to read it. And uh I don't think that I am. Yeah, I'm not. I'm not, I'm not gonna read it.

The Red Flags At The Brunch Table

SPEAKER_01 5:20

Now, let's bring this to the brunch table because imposters don't usually walk into your life wearing a name tag that says, Hey, hi, I'm full of shit.

Styles 5:30

Nice to meet you.

SPEAKER_01 5:31

Wouldn't that be convenient? Instead, you recognize them through patterns. First up, the instant best friend. You know, you met them Thursday and by Sunday brunch, they're talking about, you know us, we're just alike. Us? There is no us yet. You don't know enough about me to know whether we're alike. Real relationships need time. So when somebody immediately starts manufacturing intimacy, pay attention. Sometimes people aren't trying to build a relationship, they're trying to skip the security line.

Styles 6:06

Thank you. Because how do we get the bestie? And I don't even know your middle name. Not that I care about your middle name, but I don't even know your middle name, right? You don't know what I drink yet. I need you to slow down. Friendship doesn't come with Amazon Prime shipping. I need the regular delivery. Three to five business years, and somebody better be available to sign for it.

SPEAKER_01 6:28

Then you have the personality collector. They pick up pieces from everybody. Your terminology, somebody else's style, another person's business idea, somebody else's philosophy. They spend so much time collecting pieces of other people that eventually you start wondering what actually belongs to them. Now, we all influence each other. That's normal. Inspiration is part of life. And then there's a difference between being inspired by the room and stealing the furniture.

Styles 7:00

Yeah, pardon the interruption, but yeah, that's crazy. See, I'm generous. You can come over, you can sit on the couch, you can put your feet up. I might even let you leave with a plate. But if I come to your house next month and my couch is sitting in your living room, we got a problem. Because you're not inspired. You done robbed my damn house and invited me over to see how you decorated it. See how crazy that sounds? I mean, for real, close your eyes and anyway.

SPEAKER_01 7:30

Then there's the selective supporter. They're your biggest cheerleader privately. They tell you how talented you are, how proud they are, how much they believe in what you're building. But publicly, crickets. You launch something, nothing. You accomplish something, nothing. You walk into a room where other people are celebrating you, suddenly they've been team you since birth. Support doesn't have to be performative, but you should pay attention when somebody's support consistently disappears, depending on the audience. Because sometimes people want a relationship with you privately while competing with you publicly.

Styles 8:09

Mm-hmm. See, now we're getting in the dangerous brunch territory because I don't need you posting me every Thursday like we're in a relationship, because we're not. We're not. But don't be in my text messages screaming, bro, this is amazing, and then get on Instagram and suddenly your thumbs don't work. Especially when I just watch you like 14 videos of somebody seasoning chicken. Chicken, my nigga? Chicken?

SPEAKER_01 8:34

And finally, the access attic. This one could be difficult to recognize because they often appear genuinely interested in you. But slowly the questions change. You know, can you introduce me? How did you get into that room? Who connected you with them? Can I come next time? And eventually you realize they haven't been learning you, they've been learning your network. Now, there's nothing wrong with networking, there's nothing wrong with helping people, but relationships built primarily around access usually become very clear once the access disappears. So sometimes you have to ask yourself, does this person value me or do they value what they can reach through me?

Styles 9:16

Oh, this one is easy. Listen, close the door for a minute, right? That's and these I'm listing these. Close the door for a minute, stop having things to offer, stop making introductions, and stop getting people in the rooms. Become temporarily useless and watch what happens. Because you find out real quick who came for you and who just thought you would have wristband for VIP. And man, oh man. Once I figure out I'm just your plus one connection, your access is denied. I don't even have a sound effect button for that, but I need one. Please see security on your way back to general admission. You are no longer my problem. Let me break this down in the glass for you.

The Imposter Mimosa Punch Recipe

Styles 10:01

So, after all of that, obviously, we need a drink. And today's drink had to be a little deceptive. Something that walks into the room looking familiar, but there's a little more going on than you initially thought. So today we're pouring the IMP, the imposter mimosa, punch. See what I did there? Even the drink has an alias. It looks innocent, looks familiar, looks like you already know what you're getting into. Then you take that first sip and realize somebody lied on the application. It's really that simple. I gotta be careful because I don't want people out here thinking I'm putting roofies in drinks and calling it the imposter anyway. But technically speaking, wouldn't that be the imposter? Alright, fuck it. For the IMP, we're using sparkling wine, pineapple juice, passion fruit juice, a splash of elder flower liqueur. We're fancy around here, and a fresh lime. And we're finishing it with dehydrated orange wheel. Now the dehydrated, use my words, the dehydrated orange wheel, you can find those on Amazon. I don't know how they found their way into my timeline, but I bought some and I love them. Anyway, it's bright, familiar, and easygoing. There's enough happening underneath pause for you to question what you thought you were drinking, which feels appropriate, right? Because apparently brunch needs a background check down.

Let Time Pull The Mask Down

Styles 11:29

Final pull. Here's the takeaway. You don't need to become suspicious of everybody. That's exhausting. And frankly, nobody has the time to turn brunch into an FBI field office. Just become observant. Stop filling in the blanks for people. Here's one of my favorites. Stop explaining away inconsistencies because you like somebody's potential. And stop confusing the media chemistry with proven character. Authenticity has a rhythm, it remains recognizable. That doesn't mean somebody behaves exactly the same way every second of the day. People are layered, people evolve, people adapt. And that's weird coming from me, because I'm not known to really give grace. But their cause shouldn't require you to constantly introduce yourself to a new version of them all the time, either. So keep that in mind. So when somebody enters your circle, you don't have to interrogate them, you don't have to investigate them. And you don't even have to expose them. Just give them enough room to be themselves. Because eventually, everybody takes the costume move. And that's your pull for today. Sip happens. Every sip tells a story. Yeah.

Guest Shoutout And Free Pour Pack

Styles 12:50

Pardon my New York behavior. Anyway, before we get out of here, I gotta thank my sister from another mother, Haiti Baby, for pulling up and blessing today's SIP sermon at brunch behavior breakdown. Yo, H, thanks for showing up. She hates when I call her H. Please don't call her H. If you call her H, the Grim Reaper may show up at your doorstep. Make sure you guys do yourselves a solid and you go follow us. Show us some love. Ladies Pitch Podcast is everywhere that you hear anything. Alright. Um, Apple Music, uh, Spotify, everywhere, everywhere. Everywhere you find me, she's right there. She shoulder to shoulder type shit. Her socials are Ladies Pitch. Um, and it'll also actually be in the show notes for you. Alright, go over there, follow, listen, subscribe, do all the things that I tell y'all to do every week, and somehow some of y'all pretend that you didn't hear me. Anyway, tell her style sent you. But I have a sneaking suspicion, she'll already know that. Because you know women are the original FBI. And lastly, before I get up out of here, if you haven't grabbed the free pour pack, what exactly are we doing? For real. It's five drinks, five sip sermons, five moments to pour something, sit down somewhere and get your mind right. Grab the free pour, the link's in the description. I hate saying it, but you make me say it. And while you're there, check out the brunch behavior, the summer pack. More cocktails, more sip sermons, and more stories. And more reasons to turn your ordinary drink into a whole damn conversation, because that's what we do over here. Until the next pour, protect your circle, pay attention to patterns, and remember just because somebody got through the door doesn't mean they passed a background check. I'm Styles. I'll catch you on the next pour.