Brick by Brick

The Father's Conversation

Renovation Church - Portage, MI

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0:00 | 33:58

We are joined by 5 different fathers from our church as they discuss all things fatherhood offering encouragement and wisdom along the way.

Brick by Brick is the official podcast of Renovation Church, featuring weekly Sunday messages and powerful deep dives into the theology, meaning, and the real-life impact of God's Word. "It's where faith gets built, one truth at a time."

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SPEAKER_00

Hey everyone and welcome. You're listening to the Brick by Brick Podcast from Renovation Church, where faith gets built one truth at a time. Each week, you'll hear inspiring sermons from our pastors, deeper dive discussions that unpack the wisdom of God's word, and grounded episodes with stories and encouragement from members of our very own church family. Whether you're new to faith or have been walking with Jesus for years, there's something here for you. So kick back, hit play, and let's build this thing together.

SPEAKER_07

I just want to say welcome once again to a round table portion of the Fatherhood series at Renovation Church. So kind of round. Everyone, welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Thank you, thank you. Yeah, nice to see you all again. Steve, John, Matt, the other the the The Asian one. That's probably gonna get edited out. Those are good words. Okay. Yeah. As he called himself at a church this year. The Dutch one?

SPEAKER_05

Usually the largest at the table.

SPEAKER_07

I'm gonna start you on a light, okay? Okay. Was anybody an athlete at all back in the day?

unknown

Yeah, a little bit.

SPEAKER_07

A little bit. Anybody else?

unknown

I was athletic, but not an athlete.

SPEAKER_07

Okay. Were you a mathlete?

unknown

No.

SPEAKER_07

No. I was also a math. Musician? Yes. Acting? Anything? Yeah. Give me something, and I just want to few you little icebreaker here. Like give me that moment. Give me that moment in your sports history, whether as a fan or as an athlete that you remember like that.

SPEAKER_02

That one thing. The first time benching two plates.

SPEAKER_07

Really? 225.

SPEAKER_02

It's a beautiful number, yes. It is. You can't forget that day.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I've forgotten the day itself, but I remember the joy of benching two plates. I don't think I can do it anymore.

unknown

What was it again?

SPEAKER_02

Benching benching two plates.

SPEAKER_07

225 pounds is two plates.

SPEAKER_02

That first day felt great.

SPEAKER_07

He put it up. I like that.

SPEAKER_02

The children no longer allowed me to lift.

SPEAKER_04

Steve, you said you were an athlete. Somewhat. I was into long distance running. Really? Yeah. And when in junior high school I remember the 300-yard run or whatever it was. That was pretty good. I was very good at that. You were? Yeah. But I never I I didn't put as much work into it as some of the other guys, so I never progressed much. It was it just wasn't my interest that much. I liked running, but not not enough to make it a toil.

SPEAKER_07

I don't know. Huh. Interesting. Miguel, I know you were a violinist.

SPEAKER_03

Oh yeah, I played the violin. Um They I tried to be a shark one year in uh West Side Story. The Jets and the Sharks, you know.

SPEAKER_07

Oh yeah. Flip it buzz it, easy does it. Right. Be cooly cool boy. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

So I went to audition and um they were like, You got the part. And I was like, sweet. And then they were like, oh wait, you play the violin. We need you in the pit orchestra. Oh no. And I was like, okay, fine. But I mean, I was first chair violinist, so it's like, yeah, you kind of gotta stick to what you know instead of trying to sing. And now I do karaoke instead. So yeah. It's basically the same.

SPEAKER_07

Let us know where you do karaoke and we will I'm just joking.

SPEAKER_03

Well, well, Main Street. Main Street Baba. You do on West Main. That's typically where I go.

SPEAKER_07

What's your go-to song? Now I gotta ask.

SPEAKER_03

Around Zoo, man. Run around Sioux. That one or the Baba. Or uh Sean Mendez uh Ain't Nothing Holding Me Back. Wow. Yeah. Those are the three go-tos, I guess.

SPEAKER_07

Can you just give us a little?

SPEAKER_03

Here's my story. It's sad but true. It's about a girl that I once knew.

SPEAKER_07

I love that.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07

It's fantastic.

SPEAKER_03

Apparently Petroski has not heard the song, even though that's when he grew up.

SPEAKER_07

Sheltered. Didn't didn't hear a lot except country and western, those two kinds of music. Yeah, that's just Texas. Down in Taffs. Yeah. I understand that.

SPEAKER_03

Well, plus, you know, you had a little bit of mariachi down there too.

SPEAKER_07

So yeah. Tehano music, you know. Hey, I I have a more serious question if anyone wants to volunteer here. I'd love to know if you would share a little about how you came to Christ. And I know that happens differently for everyone. Some people it's it's just that moment. Other people have have grown over time and give their lives to Christ.

SPEAKER_04

When I was five years old, uh-huh. I did something wrong. Uh-huh. And it's one of my earliest remembrances with my mom leading me to Christ. It was in the in the backyard. And I remember I just remembered. I really can't remember hardly before that.

SPEAKER_03

Wow. Anybody else? For me, it wasn't until uh till I was 18. Um I had grown up in the church. Uh we went to an assemblies of God church and I was raised Pentecostal. Um and we were there every day, uh, eight days a week. Uh we would be at the church. Um, and my older siblings all kind of were getting into trouble. Um, one of my brothers was running around with gangs. Uh, another one was uh cooking up stuff in the kitchen and selling. Uh and you know, so it was just like it didn't really work. Uh and so I kind of just walked away um and was like, no, that's not really for me. It doesn't really work. Um, and then when I was 18 years old, I was driving um Alex home, who's a freshman on my cross-country team. I drove him home, and right across the street, there was a youth group that was playing soccer. And I was just like, oh, hey, you know, there's uh a couple of kids my age, there's a pretty girl over there. Let me go see what's going on. And they were like, Oh, yeah, this is our youth group. Why don't you come inside? I was like, nah, I'm good, you know. But then the next week I dropped Alex off again, and then they were out there. They were like, Hey, do you want to come inside? And uh I was like, Yeah, I'll come check it out. And when I walked in, I just felt God's presence, and I just felt like welcome home, you know, this is where you were supposed to be. Um, and then since then, you know, just been doing the best I can to follow Christ.

SPEAKER_07

That's fantastic. How how has that relationship developed over time, especially in light of what we're talking about fatherhood here? Like, have you seen yourself grow in Christ over time and then the influences and like the satisfaction of being a father?

SPEAKER_03

Um, well, to me, it's always been a little uh confusing. Um, because you know, people always say God is as like a father figure, and uh, I never had a great relationship with my father or my stepfather. Um so it was always just kind of a struggle to try to understand that relationship. Um, but yes, as time's has gone on, I'm definitely seeing that as being a father now of what being involved in somebody's life is. Um, you know, because my dad was always in my life, but he wasn't around. Um, and so seeing Jesus be around my life more and more, and then getting to know him and trust him and trust the people that he's brought into my life, um is just yeah, it's amazing. Uh I can't say that I see the growth, you know, because it's just me. I'm always been me. Um, you know, but it's like when you're growing up, um, like with my kids and with yourself, like every day you're just a little bit taller, you know, and you don't see it. But when you mark at my house, we have um all the kids' heights on the wall. And so when you see and you mark it, and then you see that difference, you're like, Whoa, you really have grown, you know, and that's kind of how my relationship with Jesus is. I don't see it until I look back and I'm like, whoa, man, the stuff I was doing when I was in my 20s versus what I'm doing now. Like, okay, let's keep going, God, you know.

SPEAKER_07

Yeah, I know uh one time my children said, Dad, what does it mean to be in a relationship with Christ? I'm talking to my children, I'm trying to figure out how to explain it. And I said, you know, the the best way I can explain this is it's a constant conversation with him. Every day, all day, when I'm thinking through things, I'm always asking, Jesus, what you know, Holy Spirit, what what what about this? What about that? What do you think? Guide me in the right way. Interesting. Stan, you looked like you wanted to answer this.

SPEAKER_05

Oh, I had one of those upbringings that was like quintessential Christian faith upbringings where you couldn't differentiate like what the point uh of like when I was saved or when I found Jesus. I grew up in a in the church um locally here. My parents were both together and very, very similar to what you were teaching your kids, my my mother would put us to bed every night and go, you know, what do you think? Like they they gave us room to think about what God was to us. And so often it was a relationship thing too. So my mom, when we were going through hard times in like middle school or even earlier than that, when I would say, Oh, I don't feel like I have any friends, right, in school, or I'm I'm different. My mom or even my dad would say, Well, good thing you have a friend that's with you all the time. And it didn't really sink in until I got kind of like I I felt like I was cornered at a point where professional faith was kind of thrust upon us in the I grew up in the uh CRC church and and it wasn't thrust upon us, but it was like an expected thing. Like you're gonna graduate and then you're gonna be a real church believer. And so I remember crying, um, and I think I was probably 13, 14, going, What is like why do I have to do this? And it wasn't just because I had to do it, but I was it it all started becoming real because the questions were answered, and then the what's next came up. And so that's where my life was committed was at that point, because the questions weren't just hollow anymore. They were they had to be answered and they had to be, they had to mean something all of a sudden, like I was growing up. So that's that's the point where I always point to in my life to go, that's really when I started questioning. It wasn't like a belief question, it was why am I this way? Why is my best friend God? Why did my parents say these things to me? Or why why do other people struggle? And why, you know. So that I always say it was the beginning of my questioning of faith and not just assuming that I am a Christian. I think a lot of people that are grow up in the faith or grow up with families like that, they feel stuck almost. And if they don't turn into question askers, then they'll they'll always feel stuck.

SPEAKER_07

So anyway, I'm going on. Interesting. Yeah. No, um, Matter John, I don't know if you want to add anything.

SPEAKER_02

No, I I mean selfishly, what you just described there, uh Stanley, that's really helpful because like I pray that my children have that type of upbringing that my wife and I can commit to it. And it's like I grew up in uh church as well, but I didn't get saved till I was about 23 because I just pushed God away, didn't really care. Um wanted to have fun. Spoiler, it's not fun. Um, but I hope that I can teach my children the lessons I learned without having them have to go through it. But then it's it's interesting because then it's like where do they see the grace? And it's like, well, God's grace is for you because we all need it, but it's like, well, he didn't do what I did. But so it's like I feel like that's an interesting um perspective that's really that was really helpful to hear of it's okay to ask the question because that was the one thing I think growing up, I was like, you can't ask questions. It's like, well, just believe in God and you're good. And it's like, well, what does that mean? It's like I couldn't ask like that question wasn't asked, right? It wasn't even like codified in my mind. Like, oh, I can even ask, like, what does this mean? What does it mean to be a Christian? What is it like outside of the historical evidence and the you know the apologetic viewpoint of proving Christianity? It's like, well, what does it mean still? Like these things are factual, but like, what does it mean for my life, like today, now? And I think that was always a really I feel like those questions were feared by the church I grew up in, just like they didn't know how to answer. And it's like, oh, you're just Christian, move on. It's all good. It's like, well, okay, yeah, but I'm not yet, because you know, I'm 12. Help. Um, so hearing that perspective is really helpful. Just like it sounds like your parents did a really good job of just weaving it into daily life. I feel like we only we have a two and a half year old and a boy's about to turn one, so it's like all I feel like is diapers and trenches. Love you, dear. You do a lot more than I do. Um, but I just feel like it's just surviving, getting them food, and like sometimes the Jesus stuff comes up, but I feel like it's more so I'm excited for those kind of questions, but I also and topics, but I also don't want to just kick it to the curb. It's like, oh no, we talk about when you're 10. It's like, well, there's not been a foundational thing of a decade where we were discussing these things. So that's really encouraging to hear that perspective. I appreciate it. Could I share a little course?

SPEAKER_04

Um I grew up, my dad was uh an the audio engineer for the Bible study hour in Philadelphia. And so I would I would hear a sermon before I went to church, because they'd play it in the morning, and I would then we'd go to church and we went to this very conservative Baptist church. Well, we weren't really conservative, we were mo you know, more moderate and a lot more like our church, we were, but it was a conservative church, and so it was you know, we got a lot of Christianity, and um in the same building where Eternity Magazine was and where the Bible study hour was, there was uh for a while at least Scripture Union USA and but Scripture Union started in in you know the uh Great Britain and it's been around for over 150 years now, and I've been using their devotional since since I was a teenager, and it's it's really good. It's um a lot of who's that guy, um one of the retired football coaches that um Tony Dungey? Tony Dungey, Tony Dungey and a lot of people and uh you'd be surprised it's it's it's as good as any devotional. There's a lot of good ones, but it's a good one. You said it's been around. Yeah, I think from that, from doing that, I I just feel like you were saying yourself, uh Matt, uh that that you know I'm I always I feel his presence, I'm always, you know, whenever I need to need to, I I say, what about this guy or whatever. Yeah. Excellent. And he's there sometimes he starts the conversation. And I I think that's really interesting. Yeah. When God starts the conversation. But it doesn't make me great or something like that. I still struggle with things in my life. I go to a I go to a 12-step group. But um you know, God's em God's you know, there and like I tell try to tell people it's it's not me you should be concerned about the people that should be going to a 12-step group who aren't. You know. But I I go to a 12-step group and it helps me be the person I should be.

SPEAKER_07

Thanks for sharing. Matt, how about you?

SPEAKER_01

I mean, I always say like I don't really have much of a story. I grew up in the church. Um, you know, my family went every Sunday. Um but I think becoming a father like has really kind of made like the Christian journey like real and practical for me. Um just I don't even know. Like it's like half baked in my mind, like I just uh reflecting on like just trying to raise my kids. Um yeah, to like follow God. And Kaylee's almost four, and she's actually asking like a ton of questions, like will it send to Veggie Tales and those kinds of things. Um like, why is why is Jesus special? Like one of the songs, the B I B L E song from Veggie Tales, talks about the red words in the Bible are the special ones, because those of the ones Jesus said. Um just kind of just to hear like that like really childlike wonder, like that I think you know, God always asks of us, like kind of brings me back to like really turning to him, um, seeking him and and wanting to like have that wonder to be uh yeah, just have a better relationship with God like that.

SPEAKER_07

I guess it's great. And it's gonna lead me to the next question that I would love to hear from everyone, but I'm gonna put you on the spot, Matt, since we're talking about this. What's the hardest part, do you think, about being a father, and then what's the most fulfilling part?

SPEAKER_01

The hardest part? Um I think the hardest part for me is seeing some of my faults in my kids. Um man, it's just like brings up so much. Like I'm like the failures of me, like my failures and things like that. Like, I don't want to pass those on, but inevitably those those things happen. Um But I can kind of turn that around and just be like, yeah, those are my failures, but these are the things we can do now with you to kind of turn them around, change them. Um and uh, you know, I use like talk about love all the time with um with them, just like we I love you like through your faults, through your through your failures, through the things that aren't perfect. Um Kaylee loves to like she's real performative. She she's a perfectionist, and so she struggles a lot. Um I think both Christy and I are are like that. We're performative. Um But being able to just look at her and be like, hey yeah, you you didn't get your dirty clothes into the basket like and shoot it like and you couldn't say Kobe, but if you just keep trying and working at it, you know, like um that's that's the more important thing, is just it's just being able to to work at it. Um and you know that that's God's love. Like we're we're always failing. We're we're gonna miss, we're not gonna be Kobe every time, but He's still gonna love us. And so that's how I want to love my kids.

SPEAKER_07

What's the most fulfilling part for you?

SPEAKER_01

Man, their love for me in my failures. Man, like, yeah, like they reflect back, like I were just saying, like you I wanna love them and in their failures, and and they're they're they're able to reflect that back. Um man, I get short-tempered or whatever, and Kaylee's like almost like it never happened. She's like, Daddy, I love you so much, and it's just like, oh, like yeah, brings me to tears.

SPEAKER_07

That's awesome. Stan, how about you? It's the hardest part. Father of three boys.

SPEAKER_05

Matt said it really well with three boys. The hardest thing is, you know, coping with failure and looking at how it reflects, you know, the same failures that I had. Um, I think disappointment's hard to watch in any child. Um, my my boys are getting a little older now, so they cope with disappointment differently. And they learned from me and their mother about how to cope with things. And once in a while I look at that and I go, Oh, man, I could have taught them so much better on how to deal with this if I would have known to teach them earlier about whatever it could be. Um, so that's I think the hardest part for me. Um Watching them just process. I think the most fulfilling thing for me as a dad is watching the successes. So it's like a double-sided table. It's like there's days that you know baseball didn't go well, and and uh the the kids are morose about that, but then you know, you might get a home run on the next game, and then I get to celebrate with them. So that's a blessing for me. Um and then just watching them grow, it it's crazy. My kids are growing so fast, and uh um you know I've been blessed they're healthy, so I I don't have like major in-house challenges, but there's always little things. Uh my oldest boy has the same ADHD tendencies that I have. So Aaron and I, you know, we cope with that, and I I use my experiences growing up to help out. So I feel like we're doing pretty well, but once in a while I I go back, do I know do I know enough? Do I know as much as other dads know? You know, am I good enough? And my boys recognize my own self-deprecation and uh self-defeating notions and conversations. And so that's something that um they've actually helped me out with. So it's a two-way street, and it's that's pretty awesome to me.

SPEAKER_07

I think it's okay for them to see us fail. And I think it's okay to say to your kids, I'm sorry. Right, exactly. You know, sometimes when we maybe go off the rails as a father, uh it's it's okay to say, Hey, it's my bad there, right?

SPEAKER_05

It helps. You know, it helps process if you just stuff it all down and keep it in and don't talk about it. Yeah you can see that with the kids. They start their anxiety goes up and they they need a process too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07

Steve, what's the most fulfilling part about being a father?

SPEAKER_04

Um Lately it's been just to see how much more normal she's becoming, how much more accepting of her situation with her illness and how much more normal she is about it and can go on and enjoy life even though it's gotta be very frustrating for her. You know, and um we just discovered this uh TV show it's on PBS is called uh Patience. Okay, and the main character in it is this grown-up young woman with autism who has a special skill of solving puzzles, and she ends up being used by the police to to help solve crimes, and it's amazing if you watch it. It's just but what's really good about it is it it really gives you an in uh inside look at autism. And it's it's uh and how it affects her life and you know everything. I I really hoped it. It was really an interesting thing. But yeah, I just I just like the fact that she's happy and my cat's happy, and you know things things are good. We're happy in our situation. What more can we ask for in life?

SPEAKER_07

I love that. It's fantastic. John, you nailed the the diaper sizes. Give you a lot of cred for that. That means I do it. It means you do it, you're in there. Is that the most fulfilling part about being a father, or is there something different for you? Definitely not the diaper changes.

SPEAKER_02

Okay. Um I actually think one of the most fulfilling aspects of being a father right now is actually seeing the person my wife is becoming. It's been really a pleasure to see her into motherhood because she nails it. Um this is not brownie points, by the way, but kind of is it kinda is. Yeah. That's a great answer. But she's I don't know, just seeing how much she loves the children and how much they love her. And it's like, I don't know, it's just one of those things like God feel like God made her to be a mother. I mean, hopefully that's not too sexist of me, but um, she really enjoys it and um just it brings me a lot of joy that she has so much joy in it and it makes it eat the burden easier for me. Um and now that they're getting a little bit older, they had both of them have emotions, for lack of a better word, right? They're not just trying to survive. Um, so every now and then, like you know, I gotten the impromptu run-up hug, I love you, and it's like, man, that was melting my heart. Um so just seeing, I think to echo what all the gentlemen here have been saying too is just seeing them grow, especially since they're so young. It's like I feel like every month there's always something new that's been happening, whether like today Theo took two, three steps on his own, which he hasn't done that yet. Uh Margot's learning so many words, she's telling stories, she's being a goofball. Um, and just seeing how my wife's taught her how to process her emotions has been so helpful and so wonderful. Um, but yeah, it's just seeing the family unit that God has made us has brought so much joy, satisfaction, and it just kind of I don't know. It's just nice to know that this is what God made us for uh at this point of our life is you know, to be with him and to be with each other and to raise our children. It's been a blast.

SPEAKER_07

That's fantastic. What's the hard part about being a dad? Are you the hammer in family? The hammer? You are you the tough one? Yeah. Are you?

SPEAKER_02

Uh I can be. Um I think the hardest part for me is actually I think it's probably echoing what the guys here have said as well. Of it's actually I feel like the fruits of the spirit have been on my mind a lot lately, uh, ever since, especially I think a year or two ago. Um, I've always struggled with patience, and like every time I deal with my children, it's like a mirror's put up to me like, be patient, be patient, be patient. It's a fruit of the spirit. Don't don't get upset, don't get angry, and it's like it's tough. So I think that's been the hardest part is just recognizing what still needs to be killed in me. Because children bring it out of you. The good and the bad, but I was just like, you can only hear why 13 times in a row, and you're like, because God made it that way. Like I've used that that's that's been helpful a couple times. I I don't blame my parents anymore for busting out that line because I said something like at some point the foot the hammer has to come down. The authority has to say, come on, this is no more. Um, but yeah, I think that's I think that's the most challenging part is again seeing what needs that's in my flesh still that needs to be killed. So yeah. Because I feel like without we were married for a couple years before we had children, and I feel like which was a blessing, don't be wrong, but there's like a weird I don't know if passivity is the right word, but you're like, oh I I'm I'm patient, sure. And the fourth time in the night you're up like I'm not patient, never mind. I was lulled to sleep. I'm a fool. So I think that's been the um that's been the hardest part. It's just uh and again, it's it's a good thing because it's again, I think the father's showing me what I need to do to be uh um to be more in line with the spirit and to be more in line with my family. So can't be too upset about it, but it's still frustrating when it happens. Sure. Miguel, hardest part.

SPEAKER_03

Well, I've had some time to think about it. Um and uh I would say that uh being a dad wasn't hard until I had a son. I had two daughters first, and um I told Annie, we're gonna have a girl first. We're gonna name her Isapel. That's what's gonna happen, and then that that is what happened. Um and uh but it was exciting because it was like I was able to fill in where my dad didn't fill in for me because he had I have an older sister, Michelle. Um, and uh so it was like, okay, where he failed to protect her, I'm going to protect my daughter. And so it was just this like I was just doing a role, I was just protecting her. That's all I had to do was protect her and then tell her what kind of guy she should look for when she's wanting to marry somebody. Um, and that was simple, and I could just stick to that. But then when I had a son, I have to be the man that I expect him to grow to be. And that's tough to look in the mirror and say, I'm not him. How can I be that guy that I want my son to be? Uh-huh. And that's, you know, I mean, Jesus lays it out. Dying to yourself every day, making the choice every day to put the family ahead of your own selfish ambitions. Um, you know, picking up your cross daily, that's what it takes uh to be that man that I want both Leo and Santi to grow up to be. Um, and so that to me is the hardest part is just the uh the measuring stick that I guess I I put on myself, you know. Um but you know, or or the I believe that maybe other people put on me. I don't know. But that's what I would say the hardest part is is just being the good godly man as an example to to my kids. Um, but the most fulfilling part is uh I I don't know if you guys know this, but I like to talk, I like to tell stories. And so when the kids ask me a question that I can just kind of go off and uh like the last one was uh Issa asked me when we do our goodnight prayer, I always say, God bless mommy, daddy, Isa. Um, and she said, Why do we ask, why do you ask God for a blessing? You know, and so then and and also you like when somebody sneezes, you say God bless you. So why do you say these two things? You know, and just me going to say, Oh yeah, well, when somebody sneezes, we're asking for a healing blessing. You know, so that's what I'm saying. I should be saying, God bless you with healing, you know, but when we're praying, we're just asking for a general blessing in our day, whether that's courage or opportunity, or you know, in some cases it it might be money, but that's you know, that's what we're doing, and that's the most fulfilling part is just teaching them um you know, just teaching them how to be little humans.

SPEAKER_07

That's really fantastic. Um gentlemen, listen, I want to wrap this up. I want to thank you for being part of this panel. Thank you. Uh participating in the wing challenge. So thanks for having us. Hopefully, listen, hopefully uh people will will get to see each of you individually.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, wait, people are gonna watch this?

SPEAKER_07

And then yeah, people are gonna watch this and then listen to your answers. But I I love how we could take it from light with the wing challenge to a little deeper here, and I wanna just say how much we appreciate you being part of this community at Renovation Church. So thank you so much uh for being here. Thank you. Thank you and um looking forward to the next time. So thank you, gentlemen.

SPEAKER_02

Appreciate it.

SPEAKER_03

God bless some hotter wings next time.

SPEAKER_00

Thanks for tuning in to the Brick by Brick Podcast. We're so glad you've joined us on our journey to build faith one truth at a time. Be sure to follow us so you never miss another episode. We've got plenty more coming your way.