The Refreshingly Normal Podcast with Kēfla and Cree
The Refreshingly Normal Podcast
Welcome to The Refreshingly Normal Podcast, where real life meets real laughs. We are Kēfla and Lucrecia (Cree), a married couple of 22 years, long-time educators, and now stepping into the world of mental health counseling. Think of us as your favorite Unc and Auntie of the podcast world, keeping it honest, heartfelt, and hilariously human.
We’re also proud parents of twin young men who just turned 21 and are officially stepping into adulthood, which means paying their own bills (finally!). From raising kids to letting go, we’re navigating this new chapter with the same mix of love, humor, and a little side-eye.
Each week, we dive into the ups and downs of parenting, love, marriage, dating, and everything in between, served with a side of humor and practical wisdom. Whether we’re sharing lessons from the classroom, stories from our travels, or awkward moments at the gym or dinner table, one thing’s for sure, we keep it refreshingly normal.
So grab a cup of coffee (or a protein shake) and join the conversation. It’s therapy meets kitchen table talk… and you’re invited.
The Refreshingly Normal Podcast with Kēfla and Cree
Normal Is Enough
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Let’s talk about the kind of love that doesn’t need a filter—the kind that makes dinner together, leaves sweet reminders in the rush to work, and chooses repair over winning an argument. We open up about why “normal” gets a bad rap, how perfectionism sneaks into everything, and what to do when your relationship feels more routine than cinematic.
We share concrete ways we reconnect when life is heavy or just plain boring: daily “I love yous,” acts of service that actually land, and honest check-ins that invite feedback without blame. We unpack the comparison trap—how curated feeds set expectations no human can hold—and offer a reset: define your version of commitment, fun, and stability, then protect it. You’ll hear how we navigate overthinking, own our missteps, and use small rituals to keep the emotional floor strong. Expect candid stories, a few laughs, and practical tools you can use tonight.
Along the way, we challenge a few myths: that constant excitement equals healthy love, that the crowd decides what’s normal, and that growth must look like a highlight reel. Instead, we champion kindness with boundaries, empathy with accountability, and presence over performance. Whether you’re dating, newly married, or decades in, you’ll find ideas to simplify connection, reduce pressure, and build something sustainable.
If this conversation helps, share it with someone who needs a little normal. Subscribe for more refreshingly honest takes, leave a review to support the show, and tell us: what’s one small ritual that keeps you close?
Send us your Questions or Comments and we’ll answer them on the show.
Don't forget to Like, Comment, Share, and Subscribe.
Thank you for listening!
Milestone Banter And Weekly Check-In
SPEAKER_03The Refreshingly Normal Podcast.
SPEAKER_04Quiet onset. Quiet onset. Ciao, please. Welcome back, everyone. Thank you for tuning in to the Refreshingly Normal Podcast. I am one of your hosts, Keith La.
SPEAKER_01And I am your other host, Lou Akretia.
SPEAKER_04And it is a pleasure being here on this beautiful evening preparing to release episode 25.
SPEAKER_01Wow. 25.
SPEAKER_0425. A quarter of a hundred.
SPEAKER_01Wow. We should have brought champagne to cheers. We should have.
SPEAKER_04I got uh just regular water.
SPEAKER_01I just have water too.
SPEAKER_04And my little what kind of cup is that? That's a yeti. Oh, that's a yeti. Okay. All right. So let's get into it.
unknownAll right.
SPEAKER_04How was your week?
SPEAKER_01Oh, well, coming back from that break. Goodness gracious, I am tired. Um, coming back from break and getting back into the groove of getting up early and all of that. So that was pretty tough this week. Um yes, Lord. So adjusting to that and um work was not that busy, so that's nice. I think everybody kind of is trying to get their get their lives together. Um, so yeah, so the this the week was just kind of getting acclimated. Um, getting off of the go to bed when you want to get up when you want to schedule. Yeah. So um, yeah, that was hard. And so then coming home and still exercising. I'm still going with my running. Still got it. I still got it. So I've been making sure to do that. And so um, tomorrow, uh, it was supposed to be a surprise. Surprise, surprise. It's not a surprise. So it's not a surprise anymore. Um, my mama's birthday is Saturday, and I was planning to uh fly to Kansas to surprise her. I talked to her boss and um told him, you know, this is what I'm trying to do. Make sure she's off Saturday on her birthday. And as I was talking to her this week, I realized she is going to work on Saturday.
SPEAKER_05She'd be working.
SPEAKER_01I tried to call her boss um just to make sure, but he was out on vacation and nobody knew where he was or when he was coming back. And so, anyways, I had to end up telling her because I need wanted her to be off so that we could enjoy her birthday. So the surprise, I'm not a surprise, but um It was a surprise at that moment. Yeah, so yeah, I'm sure she was excited.
SPEAKER_05It would have been more, like you said, if you would have actually showed up in person.
SPEAKER_01I just wanted to show up so she'd open the door and go, Oh my gosh, my man. But anyway.
SPEAKER_05I mean, you at well, yeah. I said you could have just showed up at work.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, man, like, uh, get off.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, let's go. That would have really, she would have been like, what?
SPEAKER_01So Go Ella go! Get off! So, um, but us my niece will be a surprise. So um she's gonna come up from Oklahoma to um do our birthday day with my mom and her well and her grandma, and we're gonna do massages and um mannies and patties and go out to eat. And y'all know the casino's gonna be in there because they love a casino, so we'll be doing that. So, anywho, um, just to have a day of
Surprise Trip Plans And Family Time
SPEAKER_01her to be pampered and a celebration. That's gonna be nice. Yep. So I'm leaving tomorrow um afternoon. Leaving um to go to Kansas. Ciao. So I gotta get up in the morning, do my little run.
SPEAKER_05Because it's gonna snow, you said.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's gonna snow.
SPEAKER_05Bring that snow back.
SPEAKER_01So I know I'm gonna try. Um, so anywho, that is how my week has gone and how it's going to go um for the week. So it's gonna end kind of relaxing because I mean, if she's getting the massage, I'm getting a massage.
SPEAKER_05Getting a massage, that's right.
SPEAKER_01So um, I am really looking forward to getting that massage.
SPEAKER_05Sleep on the plane.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, get some mask up though. Yeah, I do plan on wearing a mask on the plane because yeah, these germs out here are real. And so, um, yeah, I don't want to come back sick. So um I'm gonna I am gonna wear a mask when I'm on the plane.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, like it's just the third day of the school.
SPEAKER_01Probably within the whole airport, I will wear a mask just because um everybody's everywhere.
SPEAKER_05Ever since it's just the third day of school, and we're already starting to see a lot of people outside. You know, so it's it's about to hit.
SPEAKER_01Yep. So um I'm gonna try to protect myself and see if I can keep myself from getting the cooties. So, how was your week?
SPEAKER_05It was humbling. You know, started my new little class. I'm in, well, I got two classes I'm in now. Last I had two zoologies and one uh world history. Now I got environmental science, geometry, and zoology. And environmental science, I can handle that, you know. I mean, I can handle my geometry too, but it's like I haven't done it in so long. And so I'm instead of me walking around helping the kids, I'm sitting down taking notes the first few days. Like learning the basics again, you know, the circumference, the radius, the area of the circumference, the absolute uh pie, all that kind of. I'm like, oh, I'm saying we in it. Just like that. So I'm writing notes and making sure I work through problems. Like today, I was just out of it. Today, I I did a whole front side, all of them was wrong.
SPEAKER_02Oh no.
SPEAKER_05Goodness, wait a minute. What am I doing wrong? I was I done kept looking back at my steps, and I was my my cord, I was doing the X and the Y. And, you know, for to find the midpoint, you gotta do it some kind of way. And I was putting the X's with the X's, no, the X's with the Y2 and the Y2 with the X1. It wasn't even supposed to be like that. I was just, and I said, bro, it just take a break. So I I I said, let me get some of these papers, let me go run some copies for the kids that are absent. And I left and just took a breather. I said, bro, you gotta get it together.
SPEAKER_00Oh my god.
SPEAKER_05My whole front page was wrong. So I had to make sure I helped a little, uh, did my stuff before I could help those kids. Cause then, and you know, a few kids start raising their hand, and I had to walk around and help them and stuff, but and then I had to double check. Now I'm, you know, uh nervous.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Like, oh shoot, did I do it right?
SPEAKER_01I don't know. They're gonna say coach, uh uh Coach Hare is the one who showed us how to do it. How did we get it wrong?
SPEAKER_05Is that right? That's any anybody born after uh 1980 wouldn't understand this math. This 70s math.
SPEAKER_01What do they call you now?
SPEAKER_05Dr. Hare.
SPEAKER_01Dr. Hare, okay.
SPEAKER_05They asked, like the teachers will say, some of the respectful ones say, should I call you coach or doctor? I say, Well, I don't coach anymore.
SPEAKER_00Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_05So please call me Dr. Hare. And so I understand. Then they tried, but once a coach, always a coach. I said, Nope. Just like that. So, hey, so why can't I be once a doctor, always doctor?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_05You know. But um, but enough, and then the kids, the uh the kids who've never had me um call me Dr. Hare. But the kids who've had me, like coaching, they, hey coach here, what's up, coach? You know, and I understand. Yeah, because they're so used to saying yeah. Um, but that's what everything I sign, all my papers that, you know, like the syllabus and everything, I tell them to make sure they put Dr. Hare on there. Yeah. Put some respect on my name.
SPEAKER_01All right, respect.
SPEAKER_05That's right. Okay, and I'm finished and I'm done. All right, let's talk about it.
SPEAKER_01All right, so um today we are going to still stay with our our little formatting. However, we're gonna dive into maybe if the producer gets herself together. You want me to give you some questions while you're doing it? I'm ready. Oh, okay. All right, so we're really gonna just be talking about um what's normal. Um, because our podcast is called Refreshingly Normal. Um, and I think, like we've said before, when we think about normal, we sometimes think that we're the crazy ones because I don't know, everybody is trying to maybe live out their lives with what maybe they think other people expect or from the lives they see of other people. So we want to talk about like what is normal, and then how can we go about um our lives and not fall in that trap or hole of comparison? Because comparison of thief. Comparison is the thief of thief.
Health, Travel Germs, And Staying Well
SPEAKER_02Comparison is a thief, child. I'll be stealing stuff. Comparison is the thief of joy, is a thief. That's right. Of joy, law, it's all and that ain't geometry.
SPEAKER_05No, it ain't child. That's philosophy. I haven't taken that yet.
SPEAKER_01All right, so well, so like thinking about that, how do we normalize people being comfortable with just being who they are? And why do people not feel comfortable um showing up as who they are?
SPEAKER_05Because it is isn't considered normal. And anything that isn't considered normal is um is susceptible to be talked about, scorned, laughed at, um, belittle, you know. So that's one of the reasons, you know, and it's it's it's normal is a measurement according to what the masses.
SPEAKER_01Mm-hmm. But how many of the masses aren't real?
SPEAKER_05Yeah, it's I mean, but but but the crazy thing about, even though they may not be real, even though they may not be real, they're still in line with whoever that that mass is, you know, it's in the masses of people. Yeah. So though that mass of people, if you got a hundred thousand thinking the same, then that's their norm. But also even if it is a lie.
SPEAKER_01But also, I think when we think of people showing up normal, it's also meaning to show up like we talked about last time. I think we I said something about we think it kind of rubbed off on Kimani about the perfectionism. Um so normal also, I think in our society or whatever that may
Classroom Humility And Titles At Work
SPEAKER_01be, um, there's an idea of perfectionism.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, like like life doesn't get complicated, or perfectionism in looks. Perfection, like there's all of that there where people don't want to ever put or put their messiness or um what wouldn't be what the masses are doing on display, a fear of rejection.
SPEAKER_05But you know what's so crazy? It's it's it's crazy that people won't put that out there, right? Because they fear rejection and not sympathy or pain or what, you know, that people will feel sympathy for them. But if you were a music artist, you would put that out there. Because you think about music artists, they talk about the imperfect, the you know, the heartaches, the pains. They don't put the perfect out there. The imperfect is what makes the music, the music, the jam.
SPEAKER_01But then at some point, then they they they still are gonna put them in this box, even if they came with their mess, but if they kind of go outside of where you where we put you, they lose fans. So like even some of our people that like like there have been people that are they can put their mess out there, but as soon as they move to maybe they're like, Well, I want to clean up my mess. I don't want to be this messy person anymore. And so even from a shift, like people just entertainers what they place you there and they expect you to stay there.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. So Well, I guess that's also the hard for them so that they fall into that narrative and start believing that narrative when they're in perfection. Cause the same thing you said, when you're doing something for so long, they expect you to stay there. So if they're at the top, they may feel that same pressure. You you got to the top, so people expecting me to stay there. And that alone is the reason that we have a lot of people failing and dying and killing themselves, because that pressure to be great again or greater than my last hit. Like you ever hear people said, that's that's her thriller, that's his thriller. They're talking about Michael Jackson's thriller.
SPEAKER_07Right.
SPEAKER_05You know, when that album hit pinnacles, you can never chase that again. That is just that album.
SPEAKER_07Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_05But people want that one album that they can have, or that one feeling, that one win that will uh just take over everything. But the problem with that one win, like you said, if you get in that box and your win is high, that's a lot to get. You may not ever get there again.
SPEAKER_01So we think about do you feel like it's always been that way?
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Do you think it's worse now?
SPEAKER_05Uh I think yes because we're more impressionable now. Um a lot of kids do not have their um sorry, I'm not speaking on the mic. A lot of kids don't have that um that inner strength to want to be unique. So they are so impressionable. So they're gonna follow the masses. You know, every now and then you're gonna see that outlier, you're gonna see that kid that's out there just hanging out and doing want to do, you know, different on purpose. You know, but for the most part, humans are like cattle, you know, and we flock to the same thing that's similar to us. You know, uh shoot, what, uh when cows are out there roaming, you know, wolves are not out there roaming because they're not the same. But they do both wrong. You know, so you roam with your light kind. That's just genetics, man. You know, I mean not not genetics, but I think human nature that we roam with our light kind.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I think that is whether it's by race or by um um social groups or or even like the thing like your um things that you're into.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_01But oftentimes you'll see that they people naturally know their people and they gravitate to those specific people.
SPEAKER_05It's like in my well, majority of the folks in my house growing up, sugar go on grits. That's normal. Yeah. For people off many of my family, that's normal. But then, you know, you look at Facebook and Instagram to talk, sugar don't go on grits. That's blasphemy.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, we put sugar on our rice.
SPEAKER_05See, I ain't never done that. Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_01We put sugar on our rice.
SPEAKER_05I had limited
What Is “Normal” Anyway
SPEAKER_05amount of sugar in my house.
SPEAKER_01Oh gosh, please. Not as much sugar as your mama put on candy yams.
SPEAKER_05But we didn't have yams all the time. Okay. And the yams we had with them little, yen, you remember the little rounds you used to buy them in a pack?
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah. I can't even believe your mama ever made those.
SPEAKER_05From Piggly Wiggly.
SPEAKER_01Really?
SPEAKER_05Yep.
SPEAKER_01I said I like those. They too. They like stick in your mouth. They really weren't sweet potatoes. I don't know what those are.
SPEAKER_05There's probably breed.
SPEAKER_01But it's not sweet potatoes.
SPEAKER_05Are you making sandwich bread that's sticking to it? That's probably what it would be.
SPEAKER_01I was like, ooh, I don't like these. Yep. Not at all. So do you would you say for yourself, do you think that you are able to be who you are all the time? Do you think you No.
SPEAKER_05No, I I I've no there were periods in my life when I had this uh dim Kiefla's light or not do what Kiefla wanted to do, you know, not be as silly as as I, you know, naturally am because of the environment of people or, you know, um, even okay, for example, well, for the most part I was myself. Um, when I filmed the challenge, you got so many personalities fighting for the screen that sometimes stuff that I knew I was gonna say or do, I didn't say because I didn't want them to say, oh, look, he, you know, fighting for the limelight. Because if you say something that you know, like I'm not trying to be funny, but I say something I'm about to say, oh, I'm about to say I know it's why would you say it? Because it's it's like it starts a whole jousting thing. Oh you know what I mean? It's a whole jousting, and it just it's the the the the atmosphere changes. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01How do you see like the atmosphere changes?
SPEAKER_05Because it goes from being a reality show to a fecality show.
SPEAKER_01Oh. But you are being fake.
SPEAKER_05No, but it's just all that. That's why I said the atmosphere change. I didn't say I changed. I said the atmosphere and the environment changed. Okay. You know, so you'd be like, oh, this is gray's ache. What's going on?
SPEAKER_07Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. But what about you? You ever done the norm and not done the norm? Notice yourself doing the norm, be like, what am I doing this for?
SPEAKER_01I don't I don't know.
SPEAKER_05Honestly.
SPEAKER_01Now maybe.
SPEAKER_05I'm gonna go out on a limb and say every human being has.
SPEAKER_01I no, I'm gonna say that I have to because sometimes you're just trying to say or do whatever you feel is what should happen with those people or in that space. So sometimes, and as I have gotten older, I sometimes go, maybe I talk too said too much. But sometimes I'll leave a situation and I'll say, Oh, I probably shouldn't have said that. And I think like, did I hurt somebody's feelings? But that's also could be my overthinking. Yeah. Because even like today, I was at um a workshop training thing. Sometimes I just get to yapping, and I was like, well, maybe I shouldn't have said. It's true. And as my mama says, it's true. And it's don't make it right. It don't make it right. And so sometimes I think about maybe I shouldn't have said it. But um, and so then I try to go back to think about when I said it, what did the faces of people do?
SPEAKER_05Yeah, you do have uh moments when you you you you forget to put the periods in there, and you have some run-on sentences that say stuff, and I'd be like, ooh, that's not true.
SPEAKER_01Why you say it like that? I might have done a couple of run-ons today.
SPEAKER_05Um don't let don't let a glass with a nice them at the bottom be in you. You get to the point.
SPEAKER_01I don't really, so sometimes I think I overthink it, but then I also think, well, what are my intentions? And my intention is never to hurt anybody's feelings. My intention is like, I'm just really sharing my thought. Like, that's my thought.
SPEAKER_05You could get away with it. You just need to change one thing.
SPEAKER_01But it wasn't offensive to the people there. It was just how you know it wasn't offensive to them.
SPEAKER_05I don't. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01But I my intention was not for it to be offensive. I actually thought that it could be. I actually was shocked by a data that I saw.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, but you actually thought it could be offensive because you just brought up was like I wasn't being offensive.
SPEAKER_01But I also overthink.
Perfectionism, Authenticity, And The Masses
SPEAKER_01Every time I leave a situation with people, I am concerned about how did that go? I normally I just do it. I'm very, I'm I am automatically very reflective.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So through every conversation or thing that I do, I'm thinking about how did that go? How did I come across? How did I, did I say anything that might like I just naturally um do that. And I think that it sometimes I be thinking about, did I look stupid?
SPEAKER_05Like, what why'd you say that? That was dumb. Oh.
SPEAKER_01Well, sometimes I think that too.
SPEAKER_05But I don't think nothing else, not all the time, but just I never think that like everything else. I was like, like I cut the conversation because I think that was so dumb, what you just said. Oh, all right, let me get up out of here.
SPEAKER_01Well, sometimes, sometimes I think that too. And I'm like, something that I think is funny to me, but maybe it's not funny to somebody else. And I'll be like, if if you were there, we'd be dying laughing.
SPEAKER_05You'd be mad. I waste my joke. I waste my joke. So can't get it back.
SPEAKER_01No, so anywho, I just thought about it, but I was like, well, my intention was not, but my intention, I was really surprised by a data piece, and I just was like, really? That's cool. And so I was like, maybe I shouldn't say that. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, so anywho, sometimes it just comes.
SPEAKER_05You gotta get be be quicker with that.
SPEAKER_01You I did. I did, I felt like I recovered well. So I felt like I recovered well from it. I don't know. I said I was gonna ask the person if I didn't have a few.
SPEAKER_05If you were on video, you would have been mean, just that little thing. Enough would have been like, ooh. Really?
SPEAKER_02Uh-uh. That's cool.
SPEAKER_01No, I didn't say that like that. I was I'm just saying that because I can't say what.
SPEAKER_05Really? You said like that. I said, Really? That's cool.
SPEAKER_01And I said, That's what you said.
SPEAKER_05I know.
SPEAKER_01I didn't say that's good. No, I said, no, I said, I didn't say really that's cool. Then I said, I said what the hell?
SPEAKER_02I didn't say what the hell.
SPEAKER_05I said like there was a bullshit.
SPEAKER_01No, I think I said is that real? Like that's true.
SPEAKER_05Like, that's real, like see that right there is enough. Really would have been better.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, maybe I should have said real.
SPEAKER_05Really? Cause then you could be like, like, wow. That's a recovery.
SPEAKER_01I did recover. But is that true? I did recover. I did. After I said that then I said wow. I did say wow after that.
SPEAKER_05No, I ain't no wow to that. That's real. Well, because okay, here you go. That's real. Wow. It's like, wow, that's real. No. No. It is. I'm telling you. Certain words can't get.
SPEAKER_01As the conversation went on, because that was not my intention. I truly was surprised because I I didn't know all of the things. You still don't change it. Anywho, that was not my intention, but I did say I was going to ask because I don't want people to think that I'm being rude or anything like that. Because that's not how I want to come across. Um. So, um, and so I don't know. I think um as you get older, I kind of feel like, and I'm not like now my mama, she'll say, I'm just keeping it real. Keeping it real. And I said, my problem the feelings got hurt. That was my mom. She said that quick. So I don't want to be that either as I get older. I want to be mindful of it, but I don't have a problem going back asking somebody, did I hurt your feelings? That was not my intention. Like, I don't want to think that I came up across that way. I want to be. I also want to deal with people that will come and say, Kree, when you say that, that hurt my feelings. Like, to me, that's a that's being grown too. And that's also to me showing up as a real person and your real self.
SPEAKER_05That's a lot of strength emotionally though. Yeah, like someone that says that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, like to teach people how to treat us. And I, you know, it it is hard to do.
SPEAKER_05But we taught it before. We've taught kids to say, Mom, you that you know you said that it hurt my feelings. But we when we get into the world, then you realize the world don't give a damn about your feelings and stuff like that, then you callous yourself.
SPEAKER_01Maybe so. But I would hope that those important relationships of certain people you would be able to.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, but it's it's still difficult. You know, when you was young, before you got tainted by the world, that was easy for you to say.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_05You could say it to anybody.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_05You know, with an emotional face.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_05As opposed to now say, you know, you know, people tell you, but they may tell you, nah, you know, that hurt my feelings. You know, I ain't like what you said. That's the same thing.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_05You know? Oh, so you know, when you said that mess, oh, that was five. You know, that's the same thing. But, you know, it's the emotional uh, I guess you can say scars that we have or scabs that scabs that we have that um forces us to only be able to say it um when it's dire situations, as opposed to really, you know, that I didn't appreciate that. It kind of hurt me.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
Overthinking, Intentions, And Repair
SPEAKER_01So I did say I was gonna check in to make sure.
SPEAKER_05Check in then.
SPEAKER_01That I didn't hurt anybody's feelings.
SPEAKER_05Oh, you do.
SPEAKER_01And I do want to all I like, and I also tell people like, you can tell me if I hurt your feelings. It's not gonna make me upset or mad at you. We teach people how to treat us.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, you may you might be sad because you know, oh, that wasn't my intention at all. Yeah. But um, and which is all valid. Yeah, emotions are valid, you know, in any time. And then you just move on. All right, what we got?
SPEAKER_01So also, since we talked about emotions and like checking in with people when you think maybe you hurt their feelings or that sort of thing. Um, thinking about for people who are trying to, because I always say, you know, people do couple goals online, and you see people's marriages online, and you're like, oh, couple goals, I'm gonna be them, and da-da-da-da-da. And I know I've known certain people, couples that be online and everything, look, but when you know the couple for real, it's not always what it is. People still saying couple goals, couple people still saying couple goals, and it's they really aren't showing up as their real selves, and not to say you're supposed to put all your business on display, of course. That's not anybody else's um business, but thinking about like relationships have ups and downs, and so what do you feel like is a good way or a good way that you do with me or for us to kind of just like check in? Um because marriage is not always eat, you know, good. It's not right, it's like everybody's not feeling good, and so we don't it's not a uh it's not all at a it's not a hundred percent.
SPEAKER_05If you was great in a paper, it's not a hundred percent. Right. It may it may never go below eighty-five.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_05But it's not a hundred percent.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. And that's that's what I like to say, because I I don't want people to say it's not all always good, because then people's levels of bad may be different. So, ooh, what you know, they bad, they have problems over there. And not even knowing, no, that ain't what we were saying at all. That's why I like to give it a little grade, you know, because if it's you know 100% and and it's probably in 95. So for us most days to me it's a 95.
SPEAKER_01So for us, it's a 22 years. So what do you feel like you do on purpose to maintain the emotional soundness or to maintain that 95? Um, because no marriage is perfect.
SPEAKER_05No, not at all. I think my acts of service show, because I'm always willing to do something for you, you know. Let me get that. Let me, you know, I get it. You know, you say, can you go do this? And without hesitation, I get up, you know, because everybody has different, you know, love language. That ain't showing nothing, but it depends on, and not necessarily it's always my love language, but it's my way of showing my love to you. It's like what my offering is, you know. Like I'm a service man, so I try to offer my service. Um, I think we are intentional and true, not just going through the emotion when we say I love you each morning when we leave. Um I think, you know, just that verbal affirmation that you know I do, and I'm here for you, and I'm gonna and I expect to see you when we return, you know, whatever the craziness goes on in the world. I think that is a um unsound way. Uh because I, you know, what I'm what I mean by unsound is like if you dug down and say, ooh, that does secure me. You know, ooh, that does, that is something. I didn't think it's good, because I didn't think about it. But that little piece right there does make me feel secure in what I'm in in my marriage and relationship. Um I mean and I don't want to sound simple, but being here, like when I say I'm being, because I'm I'm here, but I'm here in it. I'm present in everything we do. You know, and and I think that's what I'm just I was saying, I'm just here. I'm here, I'm like I'm in the moment, I'm here being here with you. Because I am a prize. Yes, that should be enough.
SPEAKER_02Oh, he's a prize.
SPEAKER_05But um, you know, I try to make sure that while I'm in this role as your husband, that I'm here and whatever that looks like or need to look like for you, I want to be here for that. What about you?
SPEAKER_01Um, so I try to kind of go through and ask myself, like, I know the things that we do that feel good for both of us. Like the things that oh my God.
SPEAKER_05Feels real good for both of us.
SPEAKER_01So it's a part, like I am a natural, like I think that is me. Like, I probably should get a necklace that says reflector, reflective.
SPEAKER_05Because I do or just get a uh necklace and put a bite reflector on it. Chow. Notes I wrote. And that's what reflector. I'm not.
SPEAKER_01Then it'd be like, what is that on your necklace?
SPEAKER_05I'm a reflector.
SPEAKER_01Oh my god.
SPEAKER_05And they'd be like, genius. And then it's gonna be all on T-Moves, uh Instagram selling it.
SPEAKER_01But I am I am naturally reflective. And if I'm feeling like we aren't like a little bit distant or or don't feel as connected, um trying to figure out Are you all right? I will say that. What's your male folks? I don't say that. That's Michael James, but I will ask, and then I'll think about well, what haven't we done? Like, why am I what am I feeling this way? What's what's the time of the month? When is but even just certain things of like just being aware of it, um, not to get just so consumed with
Relationship Check-Ins And Staying Connected
SPEAKER_01um my things that are like going on, but to kind of feel like, well, what have we done? Well, maybe I feel this way because we haven't had a date night in a while. Like, maybe that's you know what's making me feel like that. Because we love a good date night. Um, or um then if I notice like maybe not connected, is he like going through or feeling stressed? Because I'll ask, I've asked, like, what's going on? Like, how do you feel? Or and you need to fix this. I don't say that either. But it gives me a little understanding of like, yeah, I he might say, Yeah, I've been stressed, I've been da-da-da-da-da. But just being able to do those, being aware of your partner when things have changed. So I try to do that way. Um, if I notice, like maybe we have, you know, have I was the last time I slapped them on the butt? So then I'll do a slap on the butt. But that sort of thing. And then um, um, and then sometimes I think that you do have times where people just want their time to themselves. Like sometimes I don't mind having like a little bit of time to myself. Um, but we do spend a lot of our of our time together. People might think that's odd.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_01But um that's just who we are, and we are comfortable in that. But you know, not every couple is that way. And so we have to kind of find time to say, um, when we talk about normal, everybody's normal is different. So we've had the we've noticed there are some couples that when you go to their house and it's a couples event, all the men go here, all the women go in another space, and we like, well, why we all can't be together? But that's us. And so that's what they like to do, that's what we like to do. And so knowing that, that you just structure your marriage or however you're gonna do it, well, what you like to do. Um, but sometimes we get caught up on what we think is the ideal or the thing that we see, and we try to structure ourselves after them, or we want our partner to be like what we see, but that is not your that's not who your partner is.
SPEAKER_05That's not the reality.
SPEAKER_01And so, in order to fix that, that's why you have to be able to check in, ask questions. What do you need from me? What do you want? And making assumptions is just gonna leave you in that space where you feel like everything's a bit messy and not what you would consider normal because you're judging your normal off of somebody else who appears and you don't know what's going on behind the scenes. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05And hopefully you wouldn't just judge it off of one. You would judge it off a few, but the one that may impact you the most is that they have maybe a little more of the qualities that you desired or thought was normal.
SPEAKER_07Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_05You know, because you just one person be like, Sh they definitely ain't normal to other standards, but it's the only thing you see. Yeah and I think that's what people are going through on their phones because you know, once your algorithm gets set up, you see this and you say, Oh, this is normal, and that's a small pocket of people.
SPEAKER_01Because you know what I saw today and I was like, Down, child, who fell for this? So this lady was saying her first day back, I think going to work, and her have she come back from maternity leave, and then she has two other kids, so it's three kids, having the three kids and doing her first outing or shopping, going to work, shop, shopping, and he can't help put her bags in the car. So first I was like, oh, that's sweet. But then I thought, now wait, you got this whole camera set up. So was it really a surprise?
SPEAKER_05Somebody put it up there.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Right. So some of these things we seen, we go, oh my gosh, you're they the new things where they say, um, you're rich. You know, the rich, they say that when you have a spouse. The family and all that stuff. Yeah, that makes you rich and you're so rich. I want to have that, you know. And you gotta think about it like, yeah, you had the camera set up. He just really just happened to just pop up with your camera up. Yes. Okay.
SPEAKER_05But it's enough to influence some. That's why they are influenced. It's enough to influence you.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_05To either say, ooh, I want that, or to go make my spouse set up a camera and just do the same thing.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that's you say that. And I think you should like stop. Um when you when you notice that other people are influencing you, and it's impacting your relationship where you're like begin to feel disconnected, or you feel like my marriage is not is a fail, it's not like what the then you I feel like you need to take a break. And then you might need to sit down with your partner and decide, like, what do you think about what do you really want it to look like? Is it realistic? Like, does it even make sense for y'all and who that person is? And then if you do have a moment where you don't feel where you feel disconnected, that doesn't mean anything.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, just maybe a moment, you know, a phase that you both could be going through.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_05You know, it means because there are life events that can put you in a phase where if you feel like, oh, it's over, but you you're never gonna excel because you're gonna be so stuck in a rut that you're afraid to even have another phase in your life.
SPEAKER_01Mm-hmm. And that just may be a little stumbling block of real life that will allow y'all to go to another level that you didn't even know y'all were capable of. But it's a little thing to kind of work out to kind of help you to figure out what you need to move on to the next thing. But the biggest thing is like figuring out how do I check in, how do I support my partner and myself while we kind of struggle in through this kind of what's how can we get reconnected in that space? So that is normal. If y'all didn't know. There is going to be, after being 22 years in marriage, that there are gonna be times where reconnection is needed. What are we what what does reconnection look like?
SPEAKER_05Yep. Gotta reconnect. Why are you looking like that? You don't put the plug in the outlet, you never get in the shit.
SPEAKER_01Oh my god. Isn't that true? Okay. What about this? And then we're gonna get to believe it, sister. So we talked about like times of being reconnected. And you know, sometimes people get married, and I don't know, people just have their ideas of what marriage is, like this is what they think is normal for marriage. They just have these these ideas, and then they're like, this marriage is boring. Yeah, some people do because in their mind they're they've they've envisioned all these things they saw on the tick of the talk, and then you we see how elaborate these um proposals are and all these things that happen, and then you get into it and you're like, wait.
SPEAKER_05But you know, too, like like we said before, you you know, when you first when you go to the altar, you meet your girlfriend at the altar, you leave with your wife. That's
Boring Days, Expectation Setting, And Fun
SPEAKER_05a you just left a person you knew, now you're walking with a person you've never known. And that may look different to both. So, like, you know, and then we hear stories like that one story we did where the guy said, never said anything about being in an open relationship. Then as soon as we marry, we're gonna get in an open relationship. Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_01Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_05You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01So that was his normal or idea of probably let me let me uh work on this. We won't be bored.
SPEAKER_05Maybe. But but he thought very well. But what I'm saying is, like, let's say I know what it's like to be with you as a boyfriend-girlfriend couple, but you may have in your mind the day when I get married, this is how I'm going to behave. And it may be totally different from being the girlfriend. You know, so that's how that boring all of a sudden kicks in, or oh, yeah, because he was like, Well, look, because a wife behaves this way. Yeah, or or the guy might be like, Look, you know, I got my wife. Well, I I don't need to do anything. Yeah. You're here, babe. I was only spending money on the yacht to find you. Yeah. So she's like, she's bored. So how did he say it again? I'm only here on, you know, I was on the yacht to find you. Well got you, babe.
SPEAKER_01So for these people The Dirty Martin. Oh my gosh. So for the people that are saying, it's boring. What does commitment look like during the boring days?
SPEAKER_05Or what does an exciting what is your excitement look like?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. What does the commitment look like on the boring days?
SPEAKER_05Because people will say, What did you do? Did you have a great time this weekend? Yes, I had a great time. What'd you do? Absolutely nothing.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_05And they had a great time. Uh-huh. So you need to ask that person, like, if we're here and we're bored, like, how do we survive? Bored. I don't believe in being bored. We're going to do something. Oh, okay. There's somebody I might rock with. You know what I mean? Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Well, I guess you, yeah, you need to know, like, what is their thing? Because for me, I'm okay with sitting on the sofa being bored on a Saturday.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And then this one will sometimes be like, well, I'm going here and I'm going there. Okay.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And he'll go, and I'm okay with not. And I'll say, well, bring me back this from there. But um knowing who, I guess also who you married, but it's like when you get to the regular, normal, everyday life where we get up, we go to work, we come home, do this thing, we cook dinner, we do this, going to bed. Yeah. I mean, that's life.
SPEAKER_05It's life.
SPEAKER_01And then you add kids to the mix, and that as a little bit more of a routine.
SPEAKER_05And I think these are questions that you should ask on a date. And you know how most people say, uh-uh, you don't ask that's too, or that's too soon to ask. I don't, I don't care how soon you ask the question. You know, because it's eventually gonna come out.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_05So you can ask on the first date, second date, I don't care. No.
SPEAKER_01And the only thing I could think of is like on the boring days, why not plan an exciting day? So it's like, man, let's plan out, let's plan a date. An exciting date.
SPEAKER_05Then they may realize that they just boring people because they're exciting they maybe. What are you gonna do? She's go outside and count birds.
unknownOoh.
SPEAKER_02That's so exciting. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05So remember on loot when she thought they was getting ready to do something fun and he took her to the bird. Well, she knew she was going to bird, but she's like, this is horrible. Yeah, it was horrible.
SPEAKER_01Oh. So you have to know the person and are is is their idea fun exciting enough for you? And don't think about it just for that weekend. Think about it as marriage again.
SPEAKER_05However long you're gonna be married to them. Yep.
SPEAKER_01So can is that okay with you? Because there are gonna be lots of boring days, boring days because there is work stuff.
SPEAKER_05You might be broke, so it might be a lot of boring days.
SPEAKER_01You can be creative. There's free things in the city to do. Yeah. You can find things to be creative. Remember, we we talked about before our $25 Valentine's day. That's right. So there are things you can do. You can do things to do that. So boring days to me are like every day's not exciting. And so to the idea of being in a marriage that where every day is exciting, that's look, okay, I'm being judgmental, but that's not normal. Somebody might. Maybe there is somebody out there doing exciting things every day.
SPEAKER_05Check this out. This I thought about this earlier. You know how you got these group of kids who stick to the man, I'm not gonna be like everybody else. I'm marched to beat on my own drum. You know, the kids. We know those kids.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_05They dress how a certain way. We know those kids. But what do they do? They gravitate to who? Their norm. Yeah. That same, then all of a sudden they didn't want to be like these. So they say, I'm gonna be my own person. Uh-huh. And then they flock to another group where they're not their own person, they're the group again.
SPEAKER_01It just goes with this generation of kids who don't want to be labeled, but they have every label for themselves. I mean, they got a label for everything.
SPEAKER_05And so I But what I'm saying is like, so like when we're saying the norm, even in the relationship, yeah. Hey, you might that's not normal to be bored. Like what might say, yeah, that's what that's perfectly normal. That's what we've done before, but not as a married couple.
SPEAKER_01And a lot of that also comes down to um communication.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I don't uh premarriage. And throughout, that to me should be the normal.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Like, let's talk about how you communicate when you disagree, when you need something that a need that is not being fulfilled, when your feelings are hurt. Like, let's let's have some people show that reel on on the tick of the talk so people can see how you can communicate.
SPEAKER_05They don't want to do well, someone Carter B be trying to.
SPEAKER_01Oh, child, Polo Cardi. No, she be trying to do that. So that like to me, like those are things like people need to, you know, they need to know that that's not sexy, and if it's not sexy, that's not gonna get sponsorships. It's not, but if you could do that along with the things that are making people say so in the growth, yeah, like like they're making people say, Oh, couple goals. Well, let me show you how we got to this where you're saying couple goals.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, yeah, you'll see a few, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I know my algorithm show, huh? You know, people talk about you, child, we weren't always and every time I hear it, I think of the uh Moesha, you know, when she's the talk and the song. Oh, yeah. It's just every time I think of a little story, it's saying this. Yeah, and so, but you know, they'll say little stuff like, yo, you hey, we weren't always a happy couple. You know, we was happy in love, but then we fell out and all that stuff goes. But yeah, it would it wouldn't be sexy enough for them to get the likes.
SPEAKER_07No.
SPEAKER_05You'll get like you said, you'll get the people who that's normal for to like it.
SPEAKER_01But I think people are really thrive off of that. I mean, like, I even though we say it's not the thing, I think that if there was somebody who showed realness, people I think there's a desire for that.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, some some it was a quote which said, you never know what you're missing until you actually see it in front of you. And then you realize, whoa. I've never like when people get that true love hug and they just break down because they never had it. Like when those kids that we used to know that had a horrible life, and then when you give them a true hug and you feel them melt in your arms, you know, yeah, there's it's they never know if if they expose themselves to it and see it, then they will be like,
“Believe It, Sister” Trivia Break
SPEAKER_05wait a minute, this what the world showed me, oh, these glasses are not even real. Yeah. But I mean, but that's why we are doing what we do. Because of course we know that it's not, we ain't on here, you know, um, talking about X-rated stuff. We're not here bashing people. Um, and so that's not what you normally see. You know, we're not the household name. Um so we're out here doing something that we think the one that we enjoy, yeah, and one that we have seen, um, I guess you can say spiritually, we've seen it in areas that this is what people want to see.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Because they say it to us and how they say it to us about us being a couple and and how it always before we started filming the um podcast, it just every time it kept falling back to that. You know, and people's always telling me on the show, man, you're so refreshing, you're so refreshing. I love seeing your family do this and that and talk about mental health. And, you know, this was just on the little clip, you know. And other shows that we've done, everybody always say, oh my God, y'all so genuine, you know. This is, you know, we love y'all. You ain't nobody being real like y'all before, you know. And so it's just always God was saying, okay, okay, okay. Now let's try to put on a larger scale. And here we are rehearsing for our big moment.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and we not pretending like this is this is Lucretion.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Or Lucrecia.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, very creature.
SPEAKER_01All right. So that was our refreshingly normal. Yeah. And overall, it's really we want you to be okay with being yourself, re being refreshingly normal, that you you being you is enough. Like you don't have to live or be of what the expectation of others that you being you is good enough. Um, that don't but be you within reason. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Like, don't be an unreasonable, like, oh J be in me. I like to be able to do it. Oh, not that.
SPEAKER_01Because I also don't believe in if you need to work on yourself, would people say that's just me, that's just how I am. No, baby. You go you need to work on yourself. Like, because you hurting feelings and um you are not being a kind person because for us, refreshingly normal also means being kind. Um, I we believe in being kind to people, um, and and showing up empathetically um and with our whole hearts. Like we want that to shine, you know, to to shine through. Doesn't we aren't refreshingly normal, also means we aren't perfect, like we we, as I may say, me, put my foot in my mouth uh from here. I put your foot in my mouth too.
SPEAKER_05Oh, my bad.
SPEAKER_01Every, you know, every now and again.
SPEAKER_05Shoulder.
SPEAKER_01But also, that also means you go and you fix your wrongs and and do that sort of thing, because that's being kind as well. So yeah, you don't just act a fool and just be like, I'm normal, that's who I am. Y'all just gotta accept it. No, we don't.
SPEAKER_05Right. So there is a normal. Yes. There is a normal, and normal is set by society.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Well, it is, but I don't know what our normal is right now in society.
SPEAKER_05So uh I don't know if it's old normal, because you hear the term new normal. Oh, this is the new normal.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_05So I mean there's nothing wrong with having the old normal. Yeah, I I'm gonna go with the old Because we knew one thing we do know, but like with fashion, it always does does what?
SPEAKER_01Comes back around.
SPEAKER_05Comes back around, always recycles. So you know, then the same thing. Because we know this is what the world needs now is normal living love and stuff like that. Yes. And remember before we needed that, before we got to the point where because if we didn't know we needed love, you know, if we didn't lose it, we wouldn't know we needed it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_05You know what I'm saying? And right now we've been lo well, we've been losing love as a country for a minute. As a people, you know, for a minute.
SPEAKER_01So that to me, yeah. That's refr I think that's what's refreshing, is that is that just Who Normal people feel like I do, child.
SPEAKER_05That's what it is.
SPEAKER_01Anywho. What you got with?
SPEAKER_05Oh, I I was gonna do something, but oh well you do whatever you want to.
SPEAKER_01He told me that he was one believe it sister. So now he changing it.
SPEAKER_05Y'all, I can't. No, it's right here.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_05All right, so here we go. Okay. This is Believe It Sister. Believe it sister? So this is from Buzz Fee, and they just showed like um some things that they didn't they found that they found out were true, but they sound like they weren't. It was like something like that. I hope they said it. Yeah. Unbelievable stories that I found out were actually true. That's what it was. So did y'all know that Mr. Potato Head originally didn't come with a plastic potato body. In fact, you were actually supposed to use a real potato.
SPEAKER_01I did not know that.
SPEAKER_05I didn't either. So, like in 1952 when it was um introduced.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that's when my mama was born.
SPEAKER_05It was designed as a set of um as a set of plastic facial features on, you know, the stuff that we put in the plastic potato. That's all you were supposed to do. You just poke it in it. Yeah, but you were supposed to stick it in a real potato or other vegetables. And so the idea um wanted to in it it wanted a toy that would encourage creativity and imaginative play. And so, you know, over time in 1964, Hasbro, uh well, Hasbro started including a plastic body, making the toy cleaner and easier to use.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, because them rotten potatoes everywhere. And somebody's mama said, How come I ain't got no but no potatoes for my mashed potatoes?
SPEAKER_04I got a whole family over here.
SPEAKER_02Daddy. We supposed to eat those potatoes tonight. So what we gonna do for a side item? But we ain't got no potatoes.
SPEAKER_05Bush, you in the head with the potatoes, and you be looking like this old bent up potato. I didn't do it. Because you know, like some kids, they hold on to a toy. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Uh-huh. Throw that potato.
SPEAKER_01Yes, because you can poking holes in it and everything.
SPEAKER_05And dirty. You probably took it everywhere with you.
SPEAKER_01Who's all of that?
SPEAKER_05I mean, it was kind of actually kind of creative. But you know, after thinking about it, not for a toy.
SPEAKER_02Uh-uh.
SPEAKER_05Just maybe for them little character features and stuff like figures. Yeah. So who knows? Yeah.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_05That was that was the one. And then one more, this is for all the fashionistas out there. Oh, and did you know that uh what's the girl, the lead lady for um Sex in the City? Um Sarah Jessica Parker. Yes. She, when the show first started, she didn't want to, she didn't want to do that role.
SPEAKER_00Why?
SPEAKER_05Because she felt like, um, and I read somewhere else too, she felt like it just wasn't after, you know, going a few episodes, she felt like it wasn't going in the right direction. So she wanted to quit.
SPEAKER_01And that every well, I would say everybody.
SPEAKER_05But in your mind, it's like nobody is, she's the only one. It's just like that. Yeah, there's nobody else that could be it. Nobody else is joining.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, nobody else is Trace, Tracy Ellis Rouse.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_05All right. And did you know that the fillet of fish was added to McDonald's restaurant because they noticed a drop in sales on Fridays in Catholic neighborhoods.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I did not know that.
SPEAKER_05I didn't either, but I say thank you.
SPEAKER_01Oh, he loves a fillet of fish.
SPEAKER_05I love me a fillet of fish from McDonald's. I can eat by nine of them.
SPEAKER_01Oh, so then that their sales went up, so because they had fish on Fridays. So that's where uh fried fish Fridays came from, the Catholics?
SPEAKER_05Maybe them, but I know it comes from other folk too. I know it comes from the black lilits. The HBCU tilets. That's where it definitely comes from.
SPEAKER_01Yes, if you go to HBCU, they have fried chicken Wednesdays.
SPEAKER_00Yep.
SPEAKER_01And fried fish Fridays. And now they're doing, I think, Taco Tuesdays too. I think they've incorporated that.
SPEAKER_05Yep.
SPEAKER_01But honey, they have everything.
SPEAKER_05And them DJ being they're jamming too.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. But um Kimani, now him being at Alabama State, they said when it's Fried Chicken Wednesday, the lines are so long that he's like, they don't he don't even want to wait in the line.
SPEAKER_05That fool. You gotta get there early. You slipping. Yeah. All right, let me do two more. Okay. One was, did you know that the classic 1980 sitcom 227 was originally only supposed to be a live stage play?
SPEAKER_01Oh, wow. I can see. Because think of how it's set up when they sitting on the porch. Minimal space. Minimal space. That's how I can see how it would be there. That show was really good too.
SPEAKER_05Very good show. All right. And let's see, here is it this one. Hold on. I thought this was this was uh kind of interesting. It was about the um,
Fashion, Labels, And Real vs Fake
SPEAKER_05how do you say Hermes?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, the Hermes bag.
SPEAKER_05All right. So the Hermes bag, it didn't set out originally to make the orange bag its uh signature trademark color.
SPEAKER_01You mean the the grocery, I mean the bag they put in the bag.
SPEAKER_05The bag, yeah, when everything's red. Kind of like Tiffany, you know, Tiffany's has blue. Uh-huh. Yeah, but Hermes did not intend for orange to be their signature.
SPEAKER_08How did it become?
SPEAKER_05What happened was um the company's packaging supplier didn't have their usual color package in stock. So they sent them only the only cardboard they can find, which was the bright orange. And so they said at first it was just a temporary solution, but then shoppers began to recognize their product because they're not asked for the product, say that in the blue bag, I mean in the orange bag or the orange box.
SPEAKER_07Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_05So when they found that that's how people were referring to it, then they said, oh no, let's just keep it.
SPEAKER_01Oh, Hermes bag. That's an expensive little bag. Thousands and thousands of dollars.
SPEAKER_05Hermes. Now you can somebody say, I got your Hermes bag. It ain't real.
SPEAKER_01That happened on uh Married to Medicine's child. Um what's her name? Uh uh the dentist. Jackie?
SPEAKER_02No, the dentist. Uh no. Oh my gosh. Heavenly? Yes.
SPEAKER_01Why do I know all them names? Yes, and I and I'm this week, y'all. I have had such bad brain fog. But anywho, Heavenly, Dr. Heavenly, she went to one of the parties, left her bag. It was supposed to be Balenciaga, some kind of bag, honey. It wasn't real. And so, of course, they had to call her out and tell her that her bag wasn't real. They said, because if it was real, you wouldn't leave it behind. And so she was trying to say her bag was real. So then it went to a whole thing where they didn't talk about the husband's. Oh, it was yes, it was terrible. It was terrible.
SPEAKER_05But um, yeah, she you get you one of them uh uh Balenciaga's in um what's that street, Canal Street, when we was in New York? Yeah, that lady one lady said she got 16 bags or something like that for $300.
SPEAKER_01Listen, if nobody is digging in your bag, not nobody, I mean, let's the only reason the only way they really, really know is that they would have to dig in it to see. So our because I even remember that time at the one of the schools I worked at, this lady came and she said, um, we said, how was your birthday? She was like, Oh, it's nice, Ma. I think it was her fiance then. He had gotten her um a Gucci bag, I think. Um, and so one of the girls on our team was like, Oh, I remember that. Yeah, she said, he got you a Gucci bag. Let me see. Let me make sure he got you the real thing. And she opened her purse and went and looked for, I guess.
SPEAKER_05Like she a Gucci connoisseur.
SPEAKER_01I I guess it's a certain whatever that's in it. She said, because I got my first Gucci when I was 15. I said, Yeah, girl, you should not do that. You do not do that. That because what if it wasn't real?
SPEAKER_05Hey, probably, I know a lot of girls back when Gucci, they thought of, you know, they had Gucci bags and well, you know, let me tell you something about this lady.
SPEAKER_01Um, I don't care about carrying a fake bag. If I think it's cute and I like it, I'm going to carry it.
SPEAKER_05The the expensive bags for black girls back in my days.
SPEAKER_01What was it?
SPEAKER_05Duckhead. Oh, yeah. Had that little duck sitting on it like that.
SPEAKER_01That's called a Dunyamb.
SPEAKER_05Oh, but I thought it was Duckhead. No, real Duck Head, eh? No, it's Doone Burke. I thought it was Duck Head. Because the girl showed, I said, ooh, yeah, I remember those Burke bags. Or maybe they just a fake one.
SPEAKER_01It's Duny and Burke. I saw one recently, just like a little side. And I was like, it was out. Yeah, I was like, I think I might give me a little Dooney and Burke. But I know Guest was.
SPEAKER_05Guess was expensive bags. Guess was expensive. I worked at the mall. Oh. And them, them, everybody can buy a guest.
SPEAKER_01I don't remember guests.
SPEAKER_05Guess belt expensive. Those were the guest belt were the was the first Gucci belts.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_05To us in the hood.
SPEAKER_01Now, my mama, she had a um uh Louis Vuitton, which she bought it from a um Booster. Yeah. She thought it was real. And so when she went to Las Vegas with my daddy, the person my daddy was partnering uh the construction company with, and his wife knew what a Louis Vuitton. She came and she said, Did y'all know my Louis Vuitton ain't even real? Maybe it was real. She wanted to make your mom feel like it was. I don't I don't. She bought it from a booster, so I don't know how real it was. Fooie baton. It was a fooie baton, but it looked real to me. I thought it was very cute. So, anyways, you ever wore anything like real fake? Like what?
SPEAKER_05Any clothes. Like real fake.
SPEAKER_01Like uh, like a brand that's not.
SPEAKER_05No. Like, like what space? Like something fake, and you like, oh, I it tore up on me or something. Oh, let me tell you. So what's that little place in the mall? Let me tell you what my mama did. Like nine dollar pants.
SPEAKER_01There was these little um black shoes. They're kind of like like a little low boot. Um, but it wasn't like a shoe, it kind of like a boo, but it was my mama bought it for me. And um, she's like, these were on sale, da da da da. So up the street from us, we always had this carnival in this big field. So I was like, ooh, I'm wearing my cute little shoes to the ground. Child, I got to walk into the carnival. When I tell y'all the carnival is two blocks away, I was like, why are my feet sticking to the ground? Melting, melting on the concrete. I went back home. I said, Mama, these shoes are melted to the concrete.
SPEAKER_02Where did you buy these from?
SPEAKER_05Made out of tan feet.
SPEAKER_01I was like, why are they sticking to the concrete? Oh, I know it wasn't that high.
SPEAKER_05Oh, syrup foot.
SPEAKER_02I remember that. That would be probably the one thing what I wore that was a mess. Oh, more boots. That's what it was like. They were melting, baby. Melted to the concrete. What you had.
SPEAKER_05I had uh uh some cheap suit pants. Uh I had bought when we was um when I was cheering at Alabama State. Oh no. We went to Southern University, and we you know, we try to go out, you know, and stuff like that. We always we would always go out with the chilies. The chilies would go out with the other chilies. And man, I I put on them little soup pans. I had a nice little fit, boy. Put on them little suit pans and did some little move and kick my leg up. Your pants split. Split all the way from my knee, like I split weight. All the way to the other knee. I'm talking about all of this was just like so. If you do this, it'll just do like a ham, like I had on him a pan because the whole hem fell.
SPEAKER_02Oh no, did you leave? Yeah.
SPEAKER_05I said, I gotta go. They were laughing at me so the chili from Southern was laughing at me. I said, God Lee. And I went back to the hotel.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you should have, Chalco. You about naked on the hotel.
SPEAKER_05I got one of my frat brothers take me back. I said, hey man, please look real quick, dog. He said, Oh, Fred, you ain't want to leave out like that. You want to just go to the house, get some pants? I said, No, take me back to the hotel. I went to
Gripes, Gratitude, And What’s Next
SPEAKER_05the hotel, man.
SPEAKER_01Lord have.
SPEAKER_05That's when I was um, you know, uh older.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_05But younger, man, I mean, it'll be like, whatever. We didn't know where a lot of them staying came from, clothes came from. Yeah. But it had a tag on it.
SPEAKER_01Now my mama, no, let me tell you, LMA. She did some good shopping. We were at Dillard's and uh we also had Henry's in Wichita. And um, so I'd have some Esprit and Oh no. Yeah, and the Limited.
SPEAKER_05Nope.
SPEAKER_01Um, yeah, so yeah, I she believed in some cute clothes, honey. We were going, we were going shop and have some cute things.
SPEAKER_05JC Penny Dungaree's uh Tough Skin. That's what the name of my pants was. That was a name brand for us, Tough Skin. You got some tough skin? Anything you can name? We had on name brand, but I didn't buy my first pair uh my like a real pair of shoes until I was in the ninth grade. I bought me a pair of ASICs. Because I worked that summer prior cutting grass.
SPEAKER_01In regards to shoes, I can't really think of what it was. But let me tell you, when the Cosby show came out, and my mama got to see Cosby Show Fashion.
SPEAKER_05I had a lot of sweaters now. Now and turtle necks.
SPEAKER_01Cosby show fashion.
SPEAKER_05Your mom thought she was. She thought she was uh Denise, huh? Yes, we we're not to leave uh Vanessa used to dress up this.
SPEAKER_01Definitely, because the difference, you know, like now we are able to see how people dressed everywhere.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, in the world.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but when we grew up, it's kind of like who you were around. Yeah, who you were around. Maybe you saw magazine things, um, of course, TV. So, but to see like actual, like the family, like stylish black family, that was the Cosby show. Yeah, it was.
SPEAKER_05That's what that was our fashion. Cosby show in uh Soul Train was people's fashion.
SPEAKER_01And then Soul Train, you could, I mean, you had to be going out to the club, you're gonna be dressed like Soul Train. You go to church. You going to church with Soul Train? For the guys, the ladies you weren't wearing it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Now that what's the name she did? She wore them suits sometimes, the little Asian lady. Listen. And then one black lady is all she used to do is this, this. Man, that's where Toonday get it from. She'd be doing this. Oh my god. Black ladies to go down. So it's like the Soul Train. We couldn't watch Soul Train until we got a little older. Because all the gyrating and going on.
SPEAKER_01Oh no, mom.
SPEAKER_05You know, my mom and them, they let us watch it. I know. I know.
SPEAKER_01We watched it all. Solid gold. Um we watched solid gold.
SPEAKER_05Which Soul Train was like, uh-uh. If it was too much gyrating, then we had to turn it off.
SPEAKER_01And I used to rush home to see Party USA. Is that one USA? I forget what it was on. But I used to rush home to see that, and I just knew that one day I'd be able to be on there.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I thought I was gonna be a soul trained dancer.
SPEAKER_00Uh-huh. Did you really?
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I knew I was gonna be a soul trained dancer.
SPEAKER_00All right.
SPEAKER_05Because even then when what was it, break dancing or something came to the movie theater? Uh huh. Me and my cousin was dancing down the uh tick when white folk was.
SPEAKER_07Oh my god, keep doing it.
SPEAKER_05Oh the centipede damn thing like that. Oh, we was getting in there getting, hey, we've got us a little money. We're able to buy some popcorn. I just saw y'all be, man, I'm gonna be in one of those movies. I'm gonna be right there. But I ain't never had them shoes like that either. I had like on the fat laces and stuff, we had the off-brand, which was at Kenny's shoes. So, like if they had Nike, we had a whale on the side. That's what Kenny. Anybody remember Kenny's shoes had a whale pinned on the side of their shoe. But it was like the leather solid color shoes. And even when everybody was getting like Eastman and stuff, Kenny's shoes had the cheaper version.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_05And I started bubbling.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I had those two, the cheaper version. I didn't get the real ones.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I didn't get the real until I was able to buy myself.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Yep.
SPEAKER_01Well, y'all. Well, we gots to go.
SPEAKER_05Gas to go. So, okay, let's end it. What are you looking forward to?
SPEAKER_01Well, of course, I'm looking forward to the birthday with my mama. I told y'all I think I'm thinking about doing holding up the things and her choosing um and recording it. So I'll put that on my little tickety talk or Instagram. I'm also looking forward to my new gig as an LAPC. That's right. So I am going to be working for um accounsing school.
SPEAKER_05In addition to her job. Oh, yeah, yeah. She's doing this as well.
SPEAKER_01I'm keeping my job, but this is um for me to get my finish getting my hours. I need to get done because, like I said before, we have to.
SPEAKER_05You're supposed to have what, how many hours? 5,000? Two. Oh, two? Mm-hmm. So you said they 5,000?
SPEAKER_01No, it was now for me when I got mine is two, because I have my specialist. If I didn't have my specialists, if I just had my masters, it would be three. Yeah. So I'm two. Um, so anywho, I want to get that done. So um uh it helps us for our next goal. But super excited. The place that I um interview with and the the owner that I met, I mean, my first impression was just she was just awesome. So um yeah, she was just very she was just awesome, and other little perks and things that are gonna, you know, benefit
Closing Notes And Upcoming Plans
SPEAKER_01me and in this process are available through this um counseling center. So yeah, it was just kind of like super.
SPEAKER_05You want to learn, you want to be in in in the environment.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, super duper blessing. I want an opportunity to be able to to do therapy, not just um um virtually, but I want it to have some in-person things. Um, so I'll get the opportunity to do both. Um, so yeah, I'm I'm excited about that. So that is what I'm looking forward to. So hopefully in the next couple of weeks or so I'll be getting started.
SPEAKER_05All right, all right. What are you looking forward to? Um I don't know really, because you know, for this week, I want some cold weather and it's some coming. But what am I do with it? Nothing. I just looking forward to the cold weather. I'm looking forward to getting this this semester over with. Because uh next week I start classes.
SPEAKER_01I was gonna say it hasn't even begun.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I start classes, so yeah, everybody. I guess I'm looking forward to that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Everybody start new, Mani, Hari.
SPEAKER_05Oh, that's what I'm looking forward to, too. Yeah, the stories of him telling by his student teachers.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah, because Kimani starts his student teacher, so we can't wait to hear how that goes. And he was super blessed to be able to be placed with a creative writing teacher writing English, that's his jam. This teacher is like teacher of the year. Has lots of accolades, so he gets to learn from the best. And so we're excited that he actually got eyes on him too. Yeah, because a cousin is the assistant principal at the school. So yeah. So we're super excited for his um opportunity at that specific school with that specific teacher because it just really alignments.
SPEAKER_05Exactly what he wants. Yeah, it's aligned. What are you grateful for?
SPEAKER_07Hmm.
SPEAKER_05Oh, we forgot your side eye. You want to do the side eye? And then say what you're grateful for. That way you're in the.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah, and on positive. Yeah. On a uh positive note. You go first, side eye.
SPEAKER_05Um, my side eye of the week is uh it has to be the freaking um trash man. Uh-oh. What'd they do? They didn't come get our trash till uh was it yesterday?
SPEAKER_01Were they a day off because of New Year's?
SPEAKER_05No. Were they on holiday on Monday?
SPEAKER_01I know, but sometimes it'll be a few days.
SPEAKER_05You know, so let's say the holiday is today, then they'll be tomorrow. Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_01But by not I just didn't know that it pushed them back because they didn't do Wednesday, so then they had to shift toe if it was Wednesday to Thursday to Friday to Monday.
SPEAKER_05They only do it within that week. Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah, because then nah, they didn't do it like that.
SPEAKER_00No, okay.
SPEAKER_05But still they was two days late. But they're not consistent at all. So that's my side. And it just makes, you know, we got all this trash just sitting in front of your yard. I know it ain't our fault, but still, you know.
SPEAKER_07Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. You know, the appearance. So I won't I don't want them to let your house look bad.
SPEAKER_01That's just my house now, huh?
SPEAKER_05I mean, in the in the winter time, because I can't get out there and do nothing to my yard, is is dead grass. But in the spring, it's all mine. It's all my house. Alright, what are you uh grateful for? Is that what you said? No side. What's your side eye?
SPEAKER_01I'm trying to think, do I have a side eye?
SPEAKER_05You told me one, but you ain't got you can say that for later.
SPEAKER_01What was it?
SPEAKER_05That person kept on, hey, you like coke? I like coke. I like Pipsi. You can talk about that another next one.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Um, oh, I could decide I traffic Atlanta traffic, because that's what I had to deal with today. Um, my training was in Bookhead, um having to deal with 75. Um, which that wasn't bad because I took the peach pass. But then it took me to um Pacis Ferry, like I was going to an old school.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And got I got in that Pacis Ferry and got stuck in Pacis uh private school parent traffic. Let me tell you, they cater that stuff to them parents. I don't care. Oh, listen, because them parents paid thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars for their children to go there.
SPEAKER_05So they have police working for them.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Four. They have four, four in and outs police at each one. Four. Four police they have working for them. And I was like, why is this taking so they don't even work?
SPEAKER_05They ain't at work. Own the company.
SPEAKER_01Four. So I so what was so funny was like there's the middle lane where you can get over the turn. This dad comes through on his bike, motorized kind of bike, you know, those bikes, his daughter on the back thing to get her, get her to pace. He didn't drop the child off, came back. We are almost still in the same spot. I said, he probably was like, oh no, I'm not doing this. So he rode his little bike and dropped her off and came back, and we still trying to get down Paces Ferry. So yeah, I'm side-eyeing traffic. All right, you heard that? And let the traffic get it together.
SPEAKER_02Miss it. Get it together. I used to have to do that every day going to my school.
SPEAKER_05Now we just deal with back no traffic down here with these big old trucks. Mini bands. Scared to pull off at the stop stand.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, the only thing here is that when I go to the office, there are just really two-lane roads.
SPEAKER_05There's Grandpa that can't drive.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So that can get annoying, but the mountain's back open, so it's better.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Alright, what you grateful for?
SPEAKER_05Um, I am grateful for um life. Grateful for um meditation, movement. Um been stiff a lot lately. Um I think a lot of it is my um I have internal blockage, like um mental blockage and stuff. Yeah, um, where I need to release. And it's uh it's affecting my my sleep and my um like you're like.
SPEAKER_00Why are you gonna release it?
SPEAKER_05I'm just medit like really get a deep, yeah, deep meditation, deep yoga where um really breathing and stuff. So because I I just feel that it's I'm locked. Yeah, on the in it's it's mental and stuff like that. So I just gotta release that. And kind of reading about some things to do and I'm gonna try it this weekend. Yeah. But I'm grateful for movement, life. Okay, and little um um not affirmations, but um kind of like a little little guarantees I've been seeing hearing that you know, life is good.
SPEAKER_00Life is all right, like you're on the right path.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, little signs, like you know, you know, you whistling and all of a sudden you see a little bird, and it's like right there. You see like uh just something that you know out of the ordinary has a different color and a different feeling, and you know it was meant for you to see.
SPEAKER_01So that's cool.
SPEAKER_05Those kind of things. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Well, I'm grateful for a husband that will help cook. And not only cook, but cook some good seasoned, delicious chicken. Um, and so yeah, I'm just grateful for like our tag team. So, like we don't have to really say, we just kind of do. And it just works.
SPEAKER_05And so he'll I like how y'all y'all be moving around in here in the kitchen. Y'all, y'all got that thing played out.
SPEAKER_01Anywho, moving on. Somebody got on their messy boots.
SPEAKER_05I borrowed my messy boots from Nicole today.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so I appreciate that. So, you know, we just kind of tag team in and um yeah, it works for us. It is our refreshingly normal routine. So it works for us. So I appreciate that. Um, yeah, there are no gender roles in this house. Yep. So I mean it is a little bit. Well, it is a little bit. However, everybody just steps up and does what needs to be.
SPEAKER_02Put the toilet seat down. Not all the time.
SPEAKER_01And because our toilet seats, you can't sometimes I'll be wanting to slam it down. I bet you. Sometimes when I I bet you, if you were to grade out No, you have a you're like you're like 90%.
SPEAKER_05Oh no. Oh no. I'm at a 98, 99.
SPEAKER_0095.
SPEAKER_05Oh no.
SPEAKER_0095.
SPEAKER_05Because I'm I try to make sure. If I don't, it's hey, trust me.
SPEAKER_0095.
SPEAKER_05And then you gotta understand, I ain't the only one to live here.
SPEAKER_01Listen. So them jokers be nobody's in our bathroom.
SPEAKER_05Yes, they go in there sometimes.
SPEAKER_01Listen, it is refreshingly normal not to be perfect.
SPEAKER_05I know. So I just want you to understand. But you know what? Chicken butt. I thought if I go back in the bathroom and the seat up, I'm like, oh, my wife did that for me. She did the one thing women don't ever do is pull the seat up for their man. I said, she really loved me. But I guess it was just me leaving it up.
SPEAKER_01That was it.
SPEAKER_05Yep. So she don't, hey.
SPEAKER_01That was it. Love yourself.
SPEAKER_05Somebody else ain't trying to be considered.
SPEAKER_01Mm. Anywho. Well, that's the end.
SPEAKER_05No. Then what goes in? All right, Janet. All right, so we're gonna get up out of here. Um, um, next episode, we're gonna have some some games to play.
SPEAKER_01We gonna have it together?
SPEAKER_05Nope.
SPEAKER_01Are you gonna have cue cards ready?
SPEAKER_05Nope, but we're gonna be here. We need somebody with a cute card. We make no sense. Anyway. Um and then next week we get a chance to enjoy our episode a little longer because the three-day weekend that you can do. Yes, Dr.
SPEAKER_01King Day's coming, not this Monday, but next Monday.
SPEAKER_05Celebrate. Sing Sing celebrate. That was jam. For the kids. I think it was, yeah.
SPEAKER_01It made you feel so proud, didn't it? Uh really did. It did. I'm gonna play it now. I thought I'm gonna play it. On Dr. King's Day. We should open up our thing on um next week with it.
SPEAKER_05All right. Either that one or happy birthday.
SPEAKER_01Happy birthday to we can do both.
SPEAKER_05Yep.
SPEAKER_01All right, guys.
SPEAKER_05All right, y'all. We're gonna get up out of here. I am one of your hosts, the real producer of the Refreshingly Normal Podcast.
SPEAKER_01And this is the realist producer of the Refreshingly Normal Podcast. Signing off. This is Cree.
SPEAKER_05This is Kefa. Have a good one, guys.
SPEAKER_01Are the off that still gets to pick Mac nerves The Refreshingly Normal Podcast?
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