The Relationship Check-In

Change hits fast, and sometimes it shows up as a middle school reassignment you didn’t expect, a calendar that won’t slow down, or a stress level that starts leaking into your tone. We start with our week, Georgia spring weather, and the kind of everyday moments that shape your mood more than you realize. Then we get honest about transitions in education, what it feels like to leave students you love, and how gratitude can sit right next to anxiety when the next chapter is already starting.

From there, we pivot through culture and current events with our take on HBCU basketball, NIL money, and why talent is showing up in new places. And because life stays unpredictable, we talk travel and driving chaos too, from a Florida man driving in reverse to get help, to airport delays so bad people rent a U-Haul just to get home. The through-line is resilience: when the plan breaks, you still have to decide who you’re going to be.

The centerpiece is marriage and relationship communication. We unpack the idea of “bad years,” why language matters, and what healthy compromise actually looks like when both people are trying. We also give you two questions to ask your partner today: what helps you feel most loved or valued, and how do you want comfort when you’re overwhelmed. We close with a Side Eye story that turns “fluffy fluffy” pancakes into a lesson on speaking up, because conflict isn’t the problem, your approach is.

If you enjoy real talk marriage advice, healthy relationship skills, and practical communication tools, subscribe, share this with a friend, and leave a review so more people can find us. What’s one thing that makes you feel truly loved?

Don't forget to Like, Comment, Share, and Subscribe.

Thank you for listening!

Transcript

Welcome And Dynamic Duo Banter

SPEAKER_00 0:03

The Refreshingly Normal Podcast.

SPEAKER_03 0:23

Welcome back, everyone. Thank you for tuning in to the Refreshingly Normal podcast. I am Kefla.

SPEAKER_07 0:29

I'm Creed.

SPEAKER_03 0:30

And we are the Dynamic Duo.

SPEAKER_07 0:32

Duo?

SPEAKER_03 0:33

Yes, better than Superman and Wonder Woman. Better than uh uh Bonnie and Clyde. Bonnie and Clyde. Better than um Jay-Z and Beyonce.

SPEAKER_07 0:47

He Cliff and Huxtable. Claire.

SPEAKER_03 0:52

Claire. Better than um who else?

SPEAKER_07 0:58

Martin and Gina.

SPEAKER_03 1:00

Yes. And better than um the parents on the uh good times.

SPEAKER_07 1:09

Florida and Jane.

Spring Pollen And Georgia Shock

SPEAKER_03 1:10

Jane. There you go. We would have lost our trivia point. We lost. Because we was too slow. Gotta be quick on pick. Alright. So today is a beautiful day outside. You know, the uh yesterday was the first day of spring.

SPEAKER_06 1:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:24

Spring has sprungeth.

SPEAKER_07 1:26

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 1:26

And the pollen has polleneth.

SPEAKER_07 1:29

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 1:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:30

I remember when we first moved here.

SPEAKER_03 1:32

Oh, it was insane.

SPEAKER_07 1:33

I didn't, I've never seen pollen like that.

SPEAKER_03 1:35

Me neither.

SPEAKER_07 1:36

And I remember like being at a carpool duty, and this Mercedes came through, and I was like, well, that's a shame. That Mercedes looks so nice. And why is it got color green? Like the colors faded. And then they're like, that's pollen. I was like, what? So yeah, I've never seen pollen like this before.

SPEAKER_03 1:57

Uh moving to Georgia. Gotta have your protein. 30 grams per serving. I know, I know they're not sponsored, but ain't nobody paying for us. But maybe if they look at us and say, Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_08 2:06

Ooh, delicious protein. So good. Get it? You get muscles.

SPEAKER_03 2:12

We can talk. But yeah, I I never lived in Georgia, too. So even like in Alabama, we had pollen to a certain extent, but not like that. What we would normally see would be a lot of the uh pine cones, you know, the little things that you see them spin around like that, with like little helicopters. You ever seen the pine cone when they fallen? Seeds? So that's what we would see on cars. A lot of that. And a light amount of pollen, but not what we see here. Insane. In freaking sane.

SPEAKER_07 2:39

I don't even know in Kansas what we did. I know we had it pollen itself, because our brother is super allergic to pollen. And so um it would always impact us.

SPEAKER_03 2:47

But nothing like Georgia. Well, you can literally, like Georgia, sometimes you can actually see it falling.

SPEAKER_07 2:51

Yeah. Oh, you see it in the air.

SPEAKER_03 2:53

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like you say, and then like um, I remember when I was coaching, there would be times I'd be out there, I'd be like, and I could taste it on my tongue.

SPEAKER_07 3:00

That is true.

Week Recap Training And Restorative Work

SPEAKER_03 3:01

Because when I would run in it, so my goodness. So let's let's let's recap our week. So how was your week?

SPEAKER_07 3:10

Well, well, I had a snail. I had a week of doing some trainings and um tried out a new dentist this week. And I think I might like them. Um, and then um, of course, had my clients this week and um trying to think what else I had, what other things I had. A lot of just really planning for my training. Like I have to get things together. This week was about using community circles to be to um grow relationships. So um I like my trainings to be able to give people like little giveaways so they can go out and actually begin doing the work. And so I had to get those together, but then had to get them packed and transported to where I was training because we have a place where we have all of our materials and items. So I had to do that, and I did some restorative work just to repair some harm with some people this week, and that went really well.

SPEAKER_03 4:21

The fixer. Yes, I'm you the you the Olivia Pope of restorative practices. That's right.

SPEAKER_07 4:28

That's what I do, and every time, even when Jocelyn was, when she and I would do it together, they were like, you guys are magic. And so I've been I had to do it by myself because Jocelyn's not here.

SPEAKER_03 4:43

But you have to say at least about the little the little premature uh horn toot. Premature uh a tutelation.

SPEAKER_07 4:56

I did some restorative work, working my magic. And uh when we got done, uh one of the individuals was like, um, we got done and everything was just it was just so awesome. And uh they were like, uh, well, I just want to think.

SPEAKER_03 5:14

Can I have a cause they said you were, man, you're good.

SPEAKER_07 5:18

Yeah, they did say they said, Yeah, okay, okay, okay. They were like, man, you are so good. Like, we wouldn't have been able to do this, you know, like you are good at what you do. I mean, like, you really just, you just really like work some magic. And I was like, Well, thank you so much. And they're so then right after that, they were like, uh, well, one thing, can I just get a hug? And I was like, absolutely. He's like, I wasn't talking to you, I was talking about, I was like, oh, I'm so sorry.

SPEAKER_08 5:48

I was like, because I did all the magic.

SPEAKER_03 5:51

You like a how simple um Homer Simpson, that little meme get back into that little flower, the bushes. Anywho.

SPEAKER_08 5:59

Oh, anywho. So I was like, oh, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_07 6:02

So um, but yeah, that was really funny. It was a great way to end it too on a little light note, something they can laugh about or whatever. So um, yeah, so that did a lot of that this week and uh working with my clients. And I will say um the same thing that we do here, and we say, What's one thing that makes you grateful? One thing that you're looking forward to. I do end my sessions with that because some of them are so tough. And so it's not to forget the tough things that you're going through, but it's just so that you can remain hopeful. And, you know, so I I tell them, I'm not saying telling you like we're erasing or not thinking about all the tough things that you're going through. But even through the tough things, it's nice to think of things that are good. And this week I got a lot of when they said they're grateful. They said they are grateful for me as their therapist. Oh, so that made me feel good. And um, and then they just said grateful for a place to just to come and talk. And so, anyways, that made me feel good. Safe space. A safe space, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:11

I like having a safe space.

SPEAKER_07 7:12

So that made me feel good this week that many of my clients um said that. So yeah, um, it was a busy week, but it was a good week. How about your week?

SPEAKER_03 7:25

That's good. Um, my week. Oh, and we'll save your side eye for what happened yesterday with the boys when they said they didn't want to. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was yeah, I am gonna say that. That's a good side because you know how you always be side eye stuck.

Prom Night And Middle School Reassignment

SPEAKER_07 7:40

Yeah, and I will say yesterday also I got to have lunch with the boys yesterday. And um that was nice. And um, but I'm gonna say my side eye for the rest. But we met up for lunch and that was really good.

SPEAKER_03 7:56

Yeah. All right, so for myself, um, the last we'll we'll start with the prom.

SPEAKER_07 8:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 8:04

Oh, you know, we went to the prom after we um filmed the last episode.

SPEAKER_07 8:08

Looking all good.

SPEAKER_03 8:09

Yes, we was looking good.

SPEAKER_07 8:10

We didn't even take, well, we took a little face picture, but we didn't take it.

SPEAKER_03 8:13

We were supposed to take the selfie thing, but the kids were. And then, you know, we were feeling it.

SPEAKER_07 8:18

I was trying to slide in, but every time I thought about sliding in, then somebody came. And I didn't want to take, because they paid for it.

SPEAKER_03 8:23

You should have just told me we could have did it. We would have would have been like, oh, hold up. You see the other teachers did, they got in there.

SPEAKER_07 8:28

They did.

SPEAKER_03 8:28

Doing the and then that one teacher she did by the all the different uh Charlie's Angels.

SPEAKER_07 8:33

Charlie's Angel, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:34

Um, but we had a prom. It was it was a good time. The kids enjoy themselves. I like going to see the kids enjoy themselves. Uh they come up to you so you can see how handsome and cute everybody's looking, which they were uh amazing for them. Um and that was Saturday, and then this week, uh I was on the just a nerve train trying to figure out since I'm supposed to be reassigned, you know, where am I going to be reassigned? Am I going to get lucky, roll the dice, and be reassigned as a PE teacher again? Or am I gonna get uh, you know, well, I ain't gonna say lucky, but you know, just remain in my grace, my blessed um situations and just be to another school or what, of course another school, but you know, another grade level. I really wasn't expecting the results I got, which was the other grade level. I definitely was not expecting middle school. Um I taught Dun dun dun. I taught middle school for seven years in one county, one in another, the current one that I'm in. And I was like, ooh, I'm done with middle school. That's what I thought.

SPEAKER_02 9:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:45

And they told me uh yesterday I'm in a middle school. I'll be going to a middle school. It's not bad, it's not too far from and stuff like that. Uh um, but it's just you gotta get your mind right for that middle school. You gotta get your mind right for the hours. Cause it's like a nine to five hours.

SPEAKER_07 10:01

Well, I did, I said to myself, like before, um, I thought maybe that's where I would want to retire, because you know, I'm not a morning person. Um it won't work with my schedule now, but that's what I thought about before.

SPEAKER_03 10:13

Yeah. But but I was like, uh, you know, hey. It's it's still like I'm not, I'm not even, I'm not mad at all. It's just the the knowing that change is happening. You know what I mean? And knowing I gotta start, I'm not gonna say all over because it's not like I don't know the m well, I don't know the material, but it's not like I don't know the job. The job is gonna be different, of course, because the structure of sped is different in that grade level. But it's like uh I'm not a new teacher. Well, I am a new teacher at the school. Every time I say something, it's like, well, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Right. But um I'm definitely like I said, I'm not I'm not mad at it. It's just like I said, I'm missing, I'm gonna miss some of my my my um my kids, my babies.

SPEAKER_07 11:00

Uh, you know, they ain't babies, but you know Well, when you think about it, I mean, within a couple years they're gonna be gone.

SPEAKER_03 11:06

Yeah, of course, but just still, but it's like even, you know, even when they graduate, you miss them. You know, you miss them. Um and so that part is is probably just the the toughest part. And also when some of my coworkers found out to hear them say they're so sad, even yeah, they look so disappointed. Yeah, to hear to hear them say it. So that's that's the that's that's probably a hard part because you never know the impact you have on people.

SPEAKER_05 11:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:35

You know, I put most people say until you're gone and dead, and then be like, oh, I didn't know they felt that way about me.

SPEAKER_02 11:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:41

You know, laid up, but now I'm not laid up, but I can hear people saying, you know, they're gonna they're sad. And you can tell the ones that are really sad and going. Uh-huh. Um so which is cool because I mean I I was an I was an impact.

SPEAKER_07 11:54

So now you get to go be an impact somewhere else.

SPEAKER_03 11:56

Of course.

SPEAKER_07 11:57

And you I always feel like when things happen and we shift and we move, it's because there is a mission for you in another space.

SPEAKER_03 12:05

It it really is. And I, you know, I we you know how we are. We pray about it.

SPEAKER_07 12:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:09

But we fit in anywhere.

SPEAKER_07 12:10

Yeah. And where you're going.

SPEAKER_03 12:12

Oh yeah. I I already know there's a need. I know that.

SPEAKER_07 12:15

He's needed.

SPEAKER_03 12:16

And there's there's several kinds of needs too. We'll talk about that later.

SPEAKER_07 12:20

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 12:21

There's several. There's that there's that need that I always say, if if I'm gonna be the one, I'd rather it be me. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? That part. Because then they'd be like, oh, well, I can change. Yeah, there you go, that one. Because you saw Duran said, Don't do that.

SPEAKER_07 12:34

He did. He told us the wrong one because this is sign language for eight. Eight. So you ate.

SPEAKER_03 12:40

Sign language for eight, so that means you ate it up. Yes.

SPEAKER_07 12:42

Yeah. So all y'all uh uncool people.

SPEAKER_03 12:45

Yeah. He said uncool. He said this part is nasty. So Oh, it is? Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 12:50

Oh, yeah, he did.

SPEAKER_03 12:51

Yeah, he did say that part was nasty.

SPEAKER_06 12:53

Yeah, that is.

SPEAKER_03 12:54

Yeah, but this part he said that's clocking.

SPEAKER_06 12:55

That's clocking.

SPEAKER_03 12:56

So yeah. But I I'm excited. Um, ready to get started. I really want to like, I'm waiting on, like, the principal should have emailed me from the school, been like, hey, where heard you're coming. You know, welcome.

SPEAKER_07 13:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:09

He better email me for the first day of school. Oh my God.

SPEAKER_07 13:13

Why don't you email him?

SPEAKER_03 13:15

I'm gonna give him, I'm gonna give him a little while though, because they're supposed to.

SPEAKER_07 13:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 13:19

You know, and then if he don't, then I'm gonna be like, hey, uh, you know, coming over there, have my stuff ready. No, just have me ready. But um, that's about it for my week. Oh, I and I dropped my motorcycle off today.

SPEAKER_07 13:32

What they said it would be ready.

SPEAKER_03 13:33

They didn't say because they gotta look at it because one, I normally need new tires because you're supposed to have new tires every five years.

SPEAKER_07 13:40

Well, you only drove it ten times.

SPEAKER_03 13:42

I know.

SPEAKER_07 13:42

So it might be fine.

SPEAKER_03 13:44

No, you gotta have new tires because tires can start separating.

SPEAKER_07 13:47

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 13:47

The rubber can start drying. Remember those rollerblades?

SPEAKER_07 13:51

No. What's those are roll rules, roller blades? Okay, he had his road road road rules roller blades. Oh, that's a hard thing to say together. Roll rules, roller blades. He had those. And so I was um, the kids wanted me to roller roller skate around the school as a reward for them. They wanted me to do that, and I was like, okay. So instead of going to buy, I was like, before I buy, I was gonna just wear his practicing his. Child went down that driveway and tried to roll, them things just almost went right on open. But I have roller skates, and now when I was a school counselor, when the kids would earn a reward or treat our roller skate through the school to their classroom to deliver their prizes, and they just loved it.

SPEAKER_03 14:38

But we actually wound up ordering the rollerblade, roller skates. Yeah, I got roller skates.

SPEAKER_07 14:42

Uh-huh. So I got roller skates. I still have my roller skates. They're white with purple wheels.

SPEAKER_03 14:46

You don't need to put them on now. They're not rubber. A whole uh body armor. You know, we get old, we don't hear it.

SPEAKER_07 14:52

Oh, yeah, we can't call myself trying to roller skate around somewhere, being laid out.

SPEAKER_03 14:56

We'll heal the stuff.

SPEAKER_07 14:58

But yeah, that's what I would do. The kids loved it.

SPEAKER_03 15:01

So that's that's uh, yeah, my motorcycle. I can't wait to get it ready because I'm, you know, I'm ready to ride. Ready to ride. Ready to ride. It's a good riding today to get it uh take it together.

SPEAKER_07 15:12

Oh, and it's such a nice day. Yeah. What's hot or just perfect, perfect weather outside.

SPEAKER_03 15:17

So I can't wait to ride.

SPEAKER_07 15:18

Aside of the pollen.

SPEAKER_03 15:20

That's right. All right, so we're gonna jump right into it. Uh today we're having a dinner. Uh Money is going back uh tomorrow.

SPEAKER_07 15:28

He said he's leaving at five in the morning.

SPEAKER_03 15:31

Because he's he has to take uh our niece back, and she, I think she has to be back early for whatever reason.

SPEAKER_07 15:37

That ain't what he told me.

SPEAKER_03 15:38

Oh, I don't know. I'm just guessing. He didn't tell me. He just said he's leaving early. Yeah, he's but it's done. We're gonna stop. And so um, yeah. Um, but this is his last break before graduation.

SPEAKER_07 15:51

Yep, last break before he's a graduate.

SPEAKER_03 15:54

A graduate of the Alabama State University. That's right, old Mother Dear.

SPEAKER_07 15:59

Oh, y'all wanna hear the funniest thing. So, you know how Key says on here, what'd you say about Alabama State?

SPEAKER_03 16:06

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, State.

SPEAKER_07 16:07

So when they did the uh Road Rules Challenge thing. Oh the guy that does the challenge podcast, he was he he wanted Key to say that so many times. And he was like, What is that, Key for that? You said, Yeah, yeah, yeah, about what do you say? It was so cringe.

SPEAKER_02 16:31

Yeah, I had to say it a lot. He did.

SPEAKER_08 16:33

It was kind of cringy, but they must like that.

SPEAKER_02 16:36

They do. Anyways, I just had to say that. Yes, you did.

SPEAKER_07 16:41

I forgot to say that before.

SPEAKER_02 16:43

It's all good.

SPEAKER_03 16:46

But anywho, I wore my I wore my Bama State uh basketball jersey yesterday.

SPEAKER_07 16:51

You did.

SPEAKER_03 16:52

In honor of the HBCU teams making it to the Double A tournament.

SPEAKER_07 16:57

Yeah, because they're on for March Madage.

SPEAKER_03 16:59

March Madage, yeah, because Bama State made it a year before last. Yeah. And you know, that was the jersey.

SPEAKER_07 17:03

What schools are now?

SPEAKER_03 17:04

Uh it was they're out now, but uh it was Howard's uh Guys and Girls. Okay. It was um Was it Howard or Hampton? I think it was Howard. It was Hampton or Howard? It was one of the eight schools. But it was their boys and girls. Okay. It was uh Prairie View's Boys. Wow. It was Southern's girls.

SPEAKER_05 17:27

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 17:28

So 14, that was the most, you know, to ever make it to the actual tournament. Because they both won their play-in, their playing game. So they were there, and then what is it called the some little four-day or whatever where you play like the bottom bottom seed team to get into the real bracket. And so they all got into the real bracket.

SPEAKER_07 17:44

Wow. That means that there's some good talent that are the people, kids that are choosing um HBCUs. That's right.

SPEAKER_03 17:51

And like I said, a lot of it, I was telling you, money comes because in college now you have so many kids uh with those extra eligibilities and transferring and all that stuff. So a lot of schools are not recruiting like they used to. Yeah. Because it's like, why would I get a high school talent when I got a kid that's already have two years playing that's wanting to look for another school?

SPEAKER_05 18:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:11

So I can get him ready to play now.

SPEAKER_05 18:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:13

As opposed to building up a high school talent.

SPEAKER_05 18:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:15

So they're not recruiting high school talent as much, unless you're just a LeBron James or Kobe Bryant. So these kids, you know, HBCUs is the place where they can actually play and produce.

SPEAKER_05 18:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:26

And then they're also getting the NIL money. So they're like, well, shoot, if I can go here and make some money and play, I better do it.

SPEAKER_07 18:33

And be immersed in such an amazing culture. That's right. That's right.

SPEAKER_03 18:37

And and a lot of them now, the reason why the teams are getting better is because they're staying there. It's because they're realizing, oh, hoop is hoop or or football is football. Yeah. Yes, it's it's a it's, you know, size differences and and you know, equipment differences, all that kind of stuff based off of the finances. But I'm still doing what I'm playing and love to do. And the school experience is different. Yeah, it's bar none.

SPEAKER_07 19:00

The connections.

SPEAKER_03 19:01

You know what I'm saying? Right.

SPEAKER_07 19:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:02

In a smaller environment, it's bar none. So that's why you're seeing a lot more productivity out of these HBC.

SPEAKER_04 19:08

Message from Richard Young.

SPEAKER_03 19:10

And so, which is amazing.

SPEAKER_04 19:11

Yeah.

Florida Reverse Driver And Car Tales

SPEAKER_03 19:12

Um, all right, so let's uh let's let's move on to the story. So this first story. This is crazy. First story right here. There's a man in Florida. What does Charlemagne say about Florida? He's all of the craziest people in the world come from Florida and the Bronx, something like that. All of Florida in the Bronx. So this man in Florida, all right, he was arrested. All right. He was arrested for um suspend driving with a suspended license.

SPEAKER_09 19:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 19:45

But of course you don't know that, right? Unless you do something crazy. Driving. You know what I'm saying? Okay. Because you don't have your drive license up like that, driving, you don't know if he has a suspended license. Okay. But what he was doing was he was driving down the street in reverse. Because he couldn't get his car to shift in uh forward gear. So he was on his way to auto zone.

SPEAKER_07 20:07

To do to try to fix it.

SPEAKER_03 20:09

To so they can get the parts that helped fix it.

SPEAKER_07 20:12

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 20:12

So when they saw him, they caught him on camera and all that stuff, and the and police saw him and they pulled him over. And um when they questioned him, they realized he had a suspended license and he had to go to jail. He was trying to make a way. Out of no way. But he didn't do it. Do you have any crazy driving stories or car stories? Uh I remember you said one time about your car almost when you when you added something to it. Oh, and it was like, oh, you better get out of there because it's about things.

SPEAKER_07 20:44

My very first car was a white for tempo. I don't know. It had to be 1980 something. Um my parents, it was like um, I think it was, it had to get work done to it first.

SPEAKER_04 20:57

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_07 20:57

And so um it only had an AM radio. And it didn't have air, it was when I tell y'all, I was just dry. Hey, that's what your first car is supposed to be like that. So um I wanted, of course, to be able to listen to music.

SPEAKER_03 21:16

Yo, Janet Jackson.

SPEAKER_07 21:17

Yeah. And so um my high school boyfriend was like, oh, yeah, we can, we can, we can uh put your thing in. And so I bought a radio, they called themselves, gonna put it in. They were like, and you want some speakers? So you we can be bumping when we drive. I was like, okay. So they got me speakers, they wired all that stuff up, and I was driving, and now how many days after? Was it the same day or it might have been like day two or three.

SPEAKER_03 21:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 21:47

And then I was like, Who is that smell? So then I th well, I don't know. It might have been, I don't know if it was one of my friends, she she was like, Well, I know such and such. And they say he even, you know, I don't know if he was a senior or a graduate. Um, anyways, he really knew how to put things in. Like people paid him to put things in. And so she's like, Well, uh maybe we should just drive over there. I'll call him. We'll just drive over there and we can see um if he what he thinks. So we drove over there, and he was like, Who did this? And I was like, Well, he was like, You getting ready to blow this car up. You're getting ready to this car getting ready. You can re blow this car up. So he was like, if I paid him a little bit of money, he would fix it the way put the wires the way it should be. And so he did. He put the wires and stuff the way that it should be. And so me and my little Ford Tempo was bumping.

SPEAKER_03 22:53

Bumping. Well, you're about to be a boom, you gotta have one big boom, and that was it.

SPEAKER_07 22:57

So, yeah, one big boom. So, but I didn't keep that Ford Tempo alone because it was just too much in the summertime when I went to summer school that first day I came out of summer school in that car with no air conditioning, and I had leather pleather, whatever those seats were.

SPEAKER_05 23:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 23:16

In Kansas summer, I was like, Mama, it's just too much when I come out. It's so hot.

SPEAKER_03 23:22

Yeah, because you gotta handle wind.

SPEAKER_07 23:23

Yeah, and so um, yep. So I ended up for the rest of the summer when I went to summer school, I would drop her off at work and keep her car and then be able to drive that to summer school so I can have air conditioning and everything. And after that, I was like, please, can I get another car shape? If you want another car, then you're gonna have to pay for it. I was like, I will. So I literally paid for my own car since I was um either 16, almost 17 years old. I've always paid my own car notes. So all right, then pay the own car note. And another crazy car thing. One time I was on my way to church, and where we live, you know, um going down Oliver, we're just a two-lane, and it was a tractor that was driving in front of me. And I don't know, I just rush everywhere, but so but on that road, you can pass people if they're driving too slow.

SPEAKER_01 24:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 24:18

So of course, a tractor is driving too slow. And I don't think I saw a signal on that track tractor. But all of a sudden, the tractor, when I think I'm gonna go around it, decides it's gonna turn. And so I had to go this way, and I went down in the down in the ditch, about the ditch, back on the road.

SPEAKER_03 24:48

That was tough. Y'all felt that?

SPEAKER_07 24:51

It was something, but I made it through. My car, nothing was wrong with my car, and I said that I said to myself, I said, Thank the Lord, I was going to church.

SPEAKER_08 25:02

That was the Lord's. That was the Lord's all the way. So yeah, that was crazy.

SPEAKER_03 25:07

What about you? Um, one time me and Miki was coming from skating ring. I think it was coming from the skating rink in Fairhope, I think. Either Fairhope or Foley. Um, and we was driving my car, it was a little blue station wagon. The one you couldn't let go of the wheel anyway, that's the one who turned left real hard. And so Miki wasn't a good driver. I only think she had a driver's license then. Oh. She was learning to drive, but I would let her drive. You know, Foley is so small, you can drive. I was driving at 13 to the store by myself. I think maybe 12 or 13 to the store. And so uh she was driving, and and well, I I was driving first, and I would do like that, woo, she'd be like, stop, cuz, stop, you know, swerve like that. And then I stopped, you know, just playing with it. Then she got, she uh she said she wanted to drive. So I bet. So we was driving, we like we said, cut a block, go to Aaronville, go back, you know, Beulah Heights and stuff. And so she's trying to do it, but she didn't know. I said, Mika, stop. You don't know how to do it. She said, Nah, yeah, I feel you scared now. And then all of a sudden she starts screaming, ah, like real. I said, What?

SPEAKER_02 26:06

I can't control it.

SPEAKER_03 26:08

And so we just started like going side to side. We was coming down the road where Muddy's house, right where the park is, where the baseball field. And all of a sudden, we said, ooh, boom, right into the ditch. And I said, Oh my God, what are we gonna do? And we was, I'm trying right in the ditch in front of Muddy's house.

SPEAKER_08 26:23

Oh no.

SPEAKER_03 26:24

She was so scared, she was crying. And I was like, I was just trying to figure out, oh my God, what are we gonna do? What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do? And I looked at the car, it wasn't jacked up at all. Think of it, you know, cars back then are so tough. And so we was, like I said, we was right in Muddy's driveway with a little covert. We ran into that part. And so I walked up to Mudia's, I said, Muddy, um uh knocked on the door, it was late. And she said, What? I said, Muddy, somebody ran us off the road. We need to call dad to come get us. And he said, What? I said, Yeah, somebody was, they was uh swerving in the road like that. So we was we stopped and we was like, well, we just keep going. And all of a sudden they just came like almost like they were playing chicken with us, and we ran off the road.

unknown 27:04

Y'all did.

SPEAKER_01 27:05

She lied too.

SPEAKER_03 27:07

Yeah, yeah, she probably did. But that's the lie we stuck with forever.

SPEAKER_07 27:10

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 27:11

And um, well, that happened with us and then just other little accidents, you know, that I've been in. But that was probably the craziest um, I would say, story. Uh-huh. But I know, okay, me and my ex and her cousin when I was living in Dallas.

SPEAKER_09 27:28

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 27:29

We were coming from a club, and we were on whatever that road is that goes right before the international Dallas International Center or whatever it is. And so I know you're talking about you. Yeah, it's it was, but it was dark, right? And so it was a uh, you know how they have those cars being towed? It was a diesel.

SPEAKER_08 27:50

Oh, so it looks like they're coming in the street.

SPEAKER_03 27:52

It looks like they was coming. And so uh I told her, I said, hey, watch that, watch this, watch this. I said, Well, we're gonna scream real loud. We're gonna get up to this car, we're gonna scream real loud, and I'm gonna hold the horn and stuff. And so we did that. And we, I mean, we got right and we said, ah! And she saw this, oh my god! So, like, really, like people do on the videos and stuff, she was going bananas. We were laughing so hard, she was so pissed at us, she didn't talk to us like the rest of the night, and then half of the day the next day.

SPEAKER_08 28:18

Oh, she was really.

SPEAKER_03 28:19

Oh, she was really like because she was like she was scared, scared. Like her eyes, her face, everything. But we was laughing so hard. And it didn't make it no better. Oh no. Oh man, it was it was crazy.

SPEAKER_07 28:30

So one time for our thing for our um in in um college, we all kind of caravan caravanned to oh KU Oh memories. Yeah, I think it was K-State. We the Deltas were having a party there, and so we were like, well, let's go. Because somebody invited us, and so it was me and um my line sister. So we all kind of caravanned and were driving up there, and then as we're driving, all of a sudden, Karima hit a raccoon. And however she hit it and how hard she hit it, it her her radiator was gone. So we all pulled over and we were like in the middle of really no, like nowhere getting there. And so, um, so we're like, she's like, she got to call a tow truck, but it was like the tow truck gonna take this long to get to her and this and that. And then um all my live sisters were like, What are we gonna do? Because we gonna miss the party. And she was so mad.

SPEAKER_03 29:39

They weren't worried about the the raccoon.

SPEAKER_07 29:41

We weren't worried about the raccoon and her car, leaving her car on the side of the road. They ready to stroll, baby. They're ready to stroll, honey.

SPEAKER_03 29:50

Set it off a seductor.

SPEAKER_07 29:52

Let me tell you what. Let me tell y'all. Kareemas little Honda. Yeah, accord. I think that's what she had. She loves a little Honda, don't she? Yes, she does. Honey, that thing was left on the side of the road. Did y'all ever get it? Like Elvin and Lynn. She did get it the next day. Oh. But y'all still went to the party. We put blood on them and everything. Everybody that was in Kareemma's car, uh, we got into the other two cars, rode, and still went to the party. And um when we got there to the party, and I would say good enough for for our little raggedy self, because I felt like we should have just kind of like stayed with her to do her thing, but we were, well, anyways, and she was in her feelings all night, so she didn't have a good time. Um, but then when we got there, we were not uh greeted warmly. Because once we got there, and somebody supposedly had invited us, but then once we got there, they were, I don't know, that I don't, they did not like us being there.

SPEAKER_03 31:03

But you know, sometimes uh fraternity and sororities that come from out of town are not greeted well because the others that they're normally close with now say, ooh, who are they?

SPEAKER_04 31:16

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 31:16

And attention goes to them. And so they treat you a certain kind of way. Yeah, I've I've been in that experience.

SPEAKER_07 31:20

Yeah, and it was like being at it with the girls.

SPEAKER_03 31:22

I'm like, dang, yeah. Supposed to be fresh.

SPEAKER_07 31:25

Yeah, that's how we thought we were gonna go and be like, hey, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:29

Certain schools, certain schools, some schools, it's love all the way around.

SPEAKER_07 31:32

It was not that, and so I said, Well, good enough for our little sales. But um, yeah, it wasn't even a good trip. But yeah, she hit that raccoon, and they were they were like, we still going to this party. That day Kareem.

SPEAKER_03 31:49

Kareem Ode hitting raccoons.

SPEAKER_07 31:51

Uh-huh. So that was that, yeah, that was in college, but that was um interesting driving thing.

SPEAKER_03 31:57

All right. Well, and I got a perfect meme for that too. Oh, indeed. Okay, I you probably know what it is but it's gonna work perfect. Watch.

SPEAKER_07 32:03

Yeah. Ricky was with us way back then.

Airport Chaos And U-Haul Road Trip

SPEAKER_03 32:05

Ricky, Ricky the raccoon, baby. All right, um, so so speaking of driving.

SPEAKER_07 32:11

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 32:12

You know how everything is crazy in the airports, right? Yeah. Like bananas. Like it was a I think I sent the video to you today. The guy said he got there six o'clock.

SPEAKER_04 32:21

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 32:21

Um, six o'clock and the morning PM? Yeah, six o'clock in the morning.

SPEAKER_04 32:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 32:26

And he didn't make it through uh until like nine fifty, almost ten o'clock to TSA. Okay. Said he had no check bags, had to go through security.

SPEAKER_09 32:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 32:35

And he said, but he had to start at baggage claim, he he's he entered into the north terminal.

SPEAKER_09 32:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 32:41

And didn't um and then he had to go to bag baggage claim seven and work his way all the way through one just to get to the line that goes into the actual line for security.

SPEAKER_05 32:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 32:54

So he said, it's it's just that crazy. So there was this story about these young ladies coming from Orlando. One of the ladies, she was a beautician.

SPEAKER_04 33:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:04

And she was like, um, I gotta make it back to my clients.

SPEAKER_09 33:08

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 33:09

So her flight was canceled.

SPEAKER_09 33:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:12

All the rental cars were booked because all the people from Orlando, yeah, you know, a lot of people fly in Atlanto, they couldn't get because, you know, and everything was canceled, all these little small airports they were flying into. Yeah. Um, or they would they were canceling flights, couldn't, you know, and and rebooking them, but people was like, I gotta go. So all the rental cars were gone. So the young ladies was like, they looked at each other and said, Let's get a U-Haul. And the girl said, I was thinking the same thing.

SPEAKER_05 33:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:37

So the only U-Haul, you know, sometimes they have U-Haul trucks and vans, they only had the U-Haul actual big cargo U-Haul.

SPEAKER_05 33:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:43

So they took a U-Haul.

SPEAKER_09 33:45

Ooh, that was a lot of gas.

SPEAKER_03 33:46

Yeah, she said it it uh cost them about$600 to get there. Okay. Um, about six and a half hours from there to Atlanta.

SPEAKER_07 33:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 33:55

They were flying because it's an eight-hour drive.

SPEAKER_07 33:57

Yeah. They were flying in that U-Haul.

SPEAKER_03 33:59

Yeah, because I've I I mean seven hours, but but when you stopped, though, like when I drove with the kids, baseball kids, I'm fine.

SPEAKER_07 34:06

Because they had to get stuff for gas and stuff.

SPEAKER_03 34:08

Right. And you got that big old U-Haul.

SPEAKER_07 34:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:10

And she said, I was super shit. I never drove a U-Haul before. I was surprised how well it did. Uh-huh. She said, it shook a little bit. It was my first time, but we did well. She said, but she had, you know, these promises that she made to her clients. Yeah. She wasn't gonna, you know, let them down.

SPEAKER_05 34:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:24

And um, and so it was two little black girls, you know, beautiful little black queens.

SPEAKER_02 34:28

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 34:29

And they got uh they got back to Atlanta driving their U-Haul.

SPEAKER_02 34:33

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 34:34

And um the people in the comment, um, of course, there was, you know, a lot of racist comments. Oh. They was, you know, I'm like stupid stuff, man, we didn't even gonna mention. But then there was a lot of positivity saying those, those, those young um queens were thinking on their feet.

SPEAKER_02 34:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:49

And then, you know, some people, even with they, you know, had pictures of, you know, other race, and they would say, Man, that's what you call not complaining about a situation, but finding a solution for it. You know. Um, but that was cool. I thought that was a great story.

SPEAKER_07 35:03

Um I love that. Yeah. Uh-huh. They probably could have got the gas paid for it, told some people you can get in the back.

SPEAKER_03 35:10

That's what other people said. It's like, yeah, y'all could have gave them a ride. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 35:13

Just say, I pick up about four or five.

SPEAKER_03 35:15

And then they would have got pulled over, then they would have been like, you are trafficking. Yeah, who are you trafficking?

SPEAKER_07 35:20

That would have been a whole other thing.

Naming A Relationship Advice Segment

SPEAKER_03 35:21

They would have been like, we're not trafficking. We're just nothing to save, no seatbelts. So yeah. So that is the uh other driving story. All right, so we have, we are known as uh What are we known as? We're known as one of the couples that people uh couple goals, I guess you should say. Couple goals, couple aspirations, you know, inspirations. Uh I know my students themselves, they love to see uh us together. They love to see pictures of us. Um because they're like, oh, that's how I'ma be. I'ma be like them. I said, okay, great, thank you. And so uh and I take pride in that. And that's one of the reasons why we're here on the Refreshly Normal Podcast.

SPEAKER_06 36:08

Podcast.

SPEAKER_03 36:08

Is to offer you advice, offer you just views, you know, just so you can see how a couple can um survive in their sp common space. Um it's not all perfect.

SPEAKER_07 36:22

No.

SPEAKER_03 36:23

But it's we still get a plus.

SPEAKER_07 36:26

Yes, you work at it.

SPEAKER_03 36:27

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And so Oh, I want to say, okay, go ahead. Oh well, it should I because I'm getting ready to enter into the segment, but if you want to say something. No, enter. Okay. So we're getting ready to uh and this may go on for maybe two or three. We're gonna tap on to another little section. We still have our great sections, but this one is about relationships. Um relationships, dating, marriage, whatever it is. And we're gonna ask a few questions that what does it say? It said that the other person should know. Should know.

SPEAKER_07 37:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:02

Okay. And if you don't know this, don't feel bad and don't break up with them. Just know that there's some communicating that needs to go on. And all this stuff isn't it's just like relationships are just like parenting. There's no true book that gives you the exact way to do it. Because anytime you're dealing with human beings, there there's always a variable that can be thrown in. You know what I'm saying? But you know, we're gonna see some of these questions and see how well they actually work.

SPEAKER_07 37:31

Yeah. So what we're calling this segment is You sure we're gonna call it this segment before we all tell us what y'all think.

SPEAKER_03 37:38

Give them give them some selections because when we ask them a question about comment, about age, what age we think they should be. We got some responses. We we we got a lot of feedback. So we put this in a comment. Well, you put your responses in the comment.

SPEAKER_07 37:51

Which one should we call it? Yes, okay. So one, we try to do something like with an acronym, so it means something more than what it says. So one is KISS Corner. KISS meaning keeping intimacy strong and simple. The other is bay brief. Who? BAY like you're my BAE.

SPEAKER_03 38:16

Oh, I thought you said BAY breeze, like BAY, like my bae.

SPEAKER_07 38:19

Bay Bay. My brother like brief. Okay, let's not do that. All right, so moving on, child. Moving on. You can try. You you thought about it. Go ahead, give it what you're talking about. Pillow talk. What's that acronym? The acronym for BAY is building effective.

SPEAKER_03 38:36

I don't like it.

SPEAKER_07 38:37

All right, pillow talk.

SPEAKER_03 38:38

Pillow talk. What pillow talk sounds like?

unknown 38:40

Practical.

SPEAKER_07 38:41

It does.

SPEAKER_08 38:43

Let's say I better a work a worker bee.

SPEAKER_07 38:46

And so as soon as my head hit that pillow, I'm gone.

SPEAKER_03 38:50

So fast.

SPEAKER_07 38:50

I've been having the best sleep of my life. You sure do.

SPEAKER_03 38:54

I'll be over there. Oh, okay. She over there with a little slick leg on me. Next time I feel that leg, do that right there. So it's time to go to bed. Ain't nothing happening tonight.

SPEAKER_07 39:03

You're distracting them.

SPEAKER_03 39:04

Yeah, they don't understand.

SPEAKER_07 39:06

The next one is pillow talk. Practical insights for lasting love and open wisdom.

SPEAKER_03 39:12

Okay, practical insights for lasting love and open wisdom. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 39:17

And then the other, there are two more. Chat. Okay. Couples, honesty, and talk.

SPEAKER_03 39:24

Couple.

SPEAKER_07 39:25

Couples, honesty. Honesty and talk.

SPEAKER_03 39:27

And talk.

SPEAKER_07 39:28

All right. And then the last one is. Oh, wait, there, wait, one, two more. Okay, go ahead. Hugs. Helping you grow stronger. And then the last one, love.

SPEAKER_03 39:41

Oh, change that you. Helping you because hugs should be helping us grow stronger.

SPEAKER_07 39:47

Helping us grow stronger, maybe.

SPEAKER_03 39:49

There you go.

SPEAKER_07 39:49

And then the last one is Love Lab. Lessons on valuing each other every day.

SPEAKER_03 39:58

Love Lab.

SPEAKER_07 39:59

Love Lab. My preference. My thing, I like Kiss Corner. I like Kiss Corner and Love Lab.

SPEAKER_03 40:06

Yeah, I do like that. Yeah. And what was what was Hugs?

SPEAKER_07 40:09

Helping us grow. Us grow stronger.

SPEAKER_03 40:13

That's pretty dope too.

SPEAKER_07 40:14

Yeah. So, anyways, tell us what you think.

SPEAKER_03 40:16

So let us know in the comments. How they do? Put it in the comments. Drop it in the comment. Chat. Drop it in the comments.

Reframing Bad Years In Marriage

SPEAKER_07 40:23

Okay. So we like we said, the questions are things that you should be able to answer about your partner. The one thing I was going to say is recently I was watching Michelle Obama's IMO podcast when she had uh Sterling and his wife on. What's his wife's name? Because I hate saying somebody and their wife. Um, he calls her um something else, a nickname. Um Ryan. Her name is Ryan. Yeah. Um, so Sterling and Ryan were on.

SPEAKER_03 41:02

Ryan Michelle.

SPEAKER_07 41:03

Yeah. So they were on, and then um, so they they were talking about marriage. And so and I've heard Michelle Obama say this before, where she's like, you could have 10 bad years, but it's okay because like 10% of a whole marriage is not a big deal. And I was like, 10%? Did that mean y'all hundred for y'all married for a hundred years?

SPEAKER_03 41:24

Because 10 bad years. That's a long time. Just having a one bad year. Yeah. That's a long time.

SPEAKER_07 41:32

Yeah. So I don't I a year is a long time. I understand what she's saying. Like you are gonna have ups and downs.

SPEAKER_03 41:40

It wasn't our best year.

SPEAKER_07 41:41

Yeah, it wasn't your best year or something like that. I totally get that piece. Um, but what I think what I would love, and maybe she just feels like it's um um an assumption. Like I what does what classifies as bad to work through?

SPEAKER_03 42:03

Because I feel like What do you mean bad to work through? Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 42:06

Like when she's saying bad years, what does she mean by bad years? What does those bad years look like?

SPEAKER_03 42:11

But that's different for everybody.

SPEAKER_07 42:12

Tolerance levels, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 42:14

Because a bad year for some people may mean that their finances were not as they didn't, you know.

SPEAKER_07 42:20

It's a lot of things. It could be tons of things. I guess when she said 10 10, she was saying 10 years, and maybe the 10 years maybe she doesn't mean consecutively.

SPEAKER_03 42:31

Yeah. So if you're married No, because you're 10 years consecutively. Yeah, uh who can handle that?

SPEAKER_07 42:37

Who can handle that? So maybe it's depending on like, but I just think if it's 10 years, then you should, I mean, that should be at least 30 years of marriage. Because that's a that I mean, that's that's not 10%. Because 10%, if 10 years, 10%, that's you married 100 years.

SPEAKER_03 42:53

If you married 30 years, that's a third of your marriage. Yes. And you like, man, this has been crazy. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 43:00

So I don't know. I'll I maybe I'm thinking too literally about the number she's like. Yeah, I think I think you are. But people, but there are people that who do think black and white, who do think literally like that. Of course. So I don't know, when it comes to that and people's like, you know, I don't know. Just I I would not say that the 10%. I would just say that there are, you know, you're gonna have some tough years. Um, the goal is of course to have more good years than your bad years, so that there's a balance of that, and it feels like, you know, you you had a difficult year, y'all figured out what each other needs. And so the next five, seven years were amazing because you figured out what each other needs, and then you got another little hiccup. But you know, but then you you know, so something kind of more to to as a understanding for people.

SPEAKER_03 43:55

I think even going into it, you know, you know how we talk about um Um people with um people who are depressed and uh people who get anxious, we tell them to reframe their thoughts.

SPEAKER_09 44:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:09

So even with marriage, I think we need to reframe the words. So don't call it bad years, just say it may have been um troubled, some years of trouble, years of growth. We had, you know, we had, you know, uh last year was a tough year, not last year was a bad year. Yeah. Because if you say last year was a bad year, you know, in in in let's say a business, you know, last year was a bad year, that they think you was in the red. Yeah. Like you didn't make any growth. But see, last year was a tough year. It means that it could have started off tough, but ended up great.

SPEAKER_09 44:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:40

And so I think if if we change the verbiage in which we use, you know, when we're talking about uh tough times in marriage, I think that would also help us to reframe to know that um, okay, how can we grow out of this? You know what I'm saying? Because a lot of times it's stuff that means bad. There's there's bad and there's good.

SPEAKER_07 45:01

Yeah, it's true. But it's tough.

SPEAKER_03 45:02

Tough means it like I can win a game, but it could have been a tough game for me.

SPEAKER_07 45:06

Yeah, but you still won. Right. Yeah, that's true. And then um I saw this on Instagram today, was saying a healthy relationship is two people saying, I'll improve me for us. And I think like that I believe that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 45:22

I live by that.

SPEAKER_07 45:23

Mm-hmm. And I think um sometimes we the challenge comes or the trouble comes from not doing that. Yeah. And um, because people, you know, feel like um winning.

SPEAKER_03 45:38

That's and you know, that's why I was just I was saying that because earlier episodes I've always said it's it's not about being right.

SPEAKER_05 45:47

It's really you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 45:48

It's it's about working through it, being happy. You know, what what does happiness look like? Because happiness may look like me doing a little extra something, you know, uh, or me giving up something in return, you know, something like that, in order for us both to find common ground. Now you have to make sure, it this comes from your partner selection, too. When you're making these compromises, do you have a partner that is not taking advantage of you compromising? Because there are some people who they're they they know that you're doing the best you can. They know the good in you. So they're not going to ask you to do anything that is impossible for you or that is an impossible tell you, like, this is what's gonna make me happy if you make two million dollars. You'd be like, you know what I do. You know what I mean? But if they know, it's like, okay, this is what's gonna make me happy if we just make sure we live within our means, if we just make sure that we spend time with each other. You know?

SPEAKER_07 46:48

And I think also with that when you say compromise, if you find that you're the only one compromising, then that's a problem. It is because it should come on um, there should be compromise on on both sides.

SPEAKER_03 46:58

And that comes from your your who do you choose?

SPEAKER_07 47:01

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 47:01

You know, am I choosing somebody that is always about them, them, them, them, them, them, them. That means there's no compromise and it's ever gonna occur.

SPEAKER_07 47:08

But you and that to me, you pay attention to that while you're dating.

SPEAKER_03 47:14

You have to.

SPEAKER_07 47:15

And then knowing that if they aren't compromising, then they are not gonna compromise later. Yeah, so anywho, I just love that that um you sometimes compromise and you improve or do things differently um for the other, and then vice versa. And then the idea um it's kind of like when um uh not gratitude, um, generosity. So, like when you do something, oftentimes when we do something for somebody else, it really is for to make the other person feel good. But when you see how you made them feel, it just automatically makes you feel good. And that's the idea is that when I kind of change and shift for you and I see that that made you happy, then I can feel good about what I did for either my marriage or what I did for that person.

SPEAKER_03 48:11

What would you say for a person that that's doing those deeds selfishly so that they can receive the uh accolades?

SPEAKER_07 48:23

That makes me think of something. Um yeah, that you know for for what that's not why you do it for the accolades.

SPEAKER_03 48:32

Of course, yeah, but I'm saying, but you know, we know like we were saying earlier, there are some people Yeah, that do that.

SPEAKER_07 48:37

But two, at some point, um the person's gonna stop giving you the accolades. Um, because to me, what I find people like that that often do things for accolades or to be able to rub it in your face later, um, they oftentimes don't want to praise people themselves. Yeah, they just want it all for them for them. Um, they don't want to say thank you, I appreciate you, or I appreciate you doing that. They don't want to do it, but they certainly want people to do it to them. Um, but the idea of you doing it just for praise, so that means that that is really is not intrinsically in you, right? Because you're doing it for a reward.

SPEAKER_04 49:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 49:23

Um, and I think what people want in a marriage or relationship is that people want to do things for the other because they just want to. They want to see them feel good. They want to see them feel good and see them happy, and that was the goal. The goal wasn't for you to tell me, Oh, you did a good job on the gift, or you did a good job. But the the idea is that you're doing it intrinsically because you want to do something good for the other person.

SPEAKER_03 49:52

Yeah, I I saw something this week saying some of the best relationships are made out of two people who are servers. So because they're both they're both want to make sure the other one is happy. You know, but when you got two people who are um takers. Yeah, well with not necessarily the leaders like with the king and conquered all mindset, then they're not doing anything for the next. They're taking everything that they can from everybody else. They're only looking for a pe or a person that can serve them, not how they can serve someone else. Someone else, yeah. You know, but when you got two people who are servers, they say that's a lot of times that's the best relationship. Because they're always doing things to make sure the other one the other one feels good.

SPEAKER_07 50:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 50:32

So all right, let's get these questions.

Love And Comfort Questions For Couples

SPEAKER_07 50:34

Okay, all right. So we're gonna definitely choose two.

SPEAKER_03 50:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 50:37

Um, because we got on a tangent on the other thing. Um, all right.

SPEAKER_04 50:43

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_07 50:45

Okay. How do what helps you feel most loved or valued?

SPEAKER_03 50:56

Okay, so you're gonna be able to do that. I think what helps you feel most loved or valued, one is acts of service, and it's the acts of service without being told. Um, things that make you feel most valued, of course.

SPEAKER_07 51:12

Loved or valued.

SPEAKER_03 51:14

Um, well, okay, like you say, acts of service. Okay. Um taking things off your plate, um, so that you could pretty much like I'm not gonna say do nothing, but really don't have to kind of don't have to worry about it. You know what I'm saying? Whether it's deciding, not small thing, deciding for dinner, deciding where to go, um, deciding what show to watch, what movie we're gonna watch, um you know, things like that. Um and and then I think the love is not one thing, it's a accumulation of things, an accumulation of things, um like how you're spoken to, how you are um, how you are um received when speaking. Um you know if you're saying something and and you're attentive and finding it engaging, you know, that that's important. You probably thought I didn't love you this morning, I fell asleep on you.

SPEAKER_06 52:29

Chow, let me tell y'all this story.

SPEAKER_03 52:32

We don't have time. All right, and so um, but um but I I think that's those are the things, yeah. The acts of service um and and and and then showing you um attention as well as giving you um I don't like to say we'll give you compliments, but believing the compliments that are given.

SPEAKER_02 52:53

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 52:54

You know what I mean? Because people can give you a compliment, and it can come from somebody you don't really like and it don't mean nothing to you.

SPEAKER_02 52:59

Yeah, that's right.

SPEAKER_03 53:00

But believing that, you know, the compliments that are being given, I think that is also a sign of love.

SPEAKER_07 53:07

Okay. So I think for you, what helps you feel most loved um are touch. Uh and you can tell if I'm wrong, but you were all the way right with me, so now I feel kind of pressure. So I know he likes to feel like you're attracted to and touch and just that kind of thing. Um, and then you also like to hear things about looking like the something you may have on or looking. I feel like you do like that because I feel like you mentioned maybe I what didn't do that enough or I didn't. Did I say that? Yeah. Like you were saying something about it was a com it was a comment that you made. I was like, oh.

SPEAKER_03 54:06

I probably didn't mean it.

SPEAKER_07 54:07

Okay. Why? Because that's not a thing.

SPEAKER_03 54:10

It's it's not that important. Like, um, you don't have to say it.

SPEAKER_07 54:14

Well, maybe you were being um facetious. Facetious. And so I was like, oh, maybe I should.

SPEAKER_03 54:20

Because you don't have you you don't have to say it. One, because I know I'm putting that thing on. But two, two, I know like um like it just to me, like said, the touch part your touch speaks many languages or says many things. Okay. Your touch can mean um Well, you didn't let me finish. Okay, well I was just saying, okay, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.

SPEAKER_07 54:48

Okay. So I think the touch thing, like you like that. Then um, you also like to feel appreciated like for the things that you do, not because you want a reward or I'm not saying like how we were just talking about, but just the acknowledgement of appreciation of things. I feel like that part you do. And then in regards to being um, I think that comes with the value too. And then love, I think you like um, I feel like love for you comes through some like me doing specific things for you that somebody else in a relationship would say is like extra. Like, oh, I went here, so I got you this. Or um I, you know, just certain things that you're like, oh, well, she thought about that. Or I went to the store, I went to American Eagle and they have some stuff on sale, so I got you a few shirts. Like just knowing that you're thought about in other spaces and things like that throughout the day, I feel like um that. And then um, um, yeah, that's what I think. And that that also I think aligns with feeling valued in your marriage. Did I get it right? Is there something I'm missing? Tell me if I'm missing something that you like that you need.

SPEAKER_03 56:19

The clothes thing, like telling me about that. And that's why I say the touch come comes into play because your touch can say, I need security. You know, if we're somewhere, the closeness, your touch can say, I need comfort just for a rough day, or I need to sleep better. Your touch can say, uh, I'm happy, your touch can say, Oh, I'm excited. You know, all those different little touches I'm able to decipher which one is which are things that um that's a I'm gonna flip it, that's a love thing to me. Um the value comes in the gifting. And and and you know, when you do things for me, because it's like, I appreciate my man for doing stuff for me, I'm gonna get this for him. So it's almost like flip-flop. Um and then another thing that you failed to mention was that you do often is you will um speak of me in spaces that I'm not in, or you will want me to speak of myself when we are together in spaces that we are in, thinking that somebody needs to know this. So it's like um it's like the pedestal thing or the trophy thing. Like, speak about this. Um because you're proud of it. And I know you know that I am, but it's like you should be proud of it to share it, because this I love this about what happened with us or with you.

SPEAKER_07 57:49

I was gonna say, like, I feel like the encouragement, the encouragement piece, like sometimes just rem like a reminder of that. So, and even when sometimes you may be something that's down, I feel like the encouraging, motivating words, um just to remind you of who you are and how amazing you are. Yeah, those things.

SPEAKER_03 58:18

Yeah. We there, we there. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 58:22

One down, once again.

SPEAKER_03 58:25

All right, all right, all right.

SPEAKER_07 58:29

Um let's do this one. Okay. Um, what fears? Oh no. How do you prefer to receive comfort when you're overwhelmed?

SPEAKER_03 58:48

Comfort when I'm overwhelmed. So when do I? Oh, I mean when you're overwhelmed, sorry. Comfort when you're overwhelmed is um first thing you need an ear. You definitely need an ear to talk about it. And and just an ear, not a solution. You just need you need somebody to talk about it.

SPEAKER_07 59:13

Because you used to give me solutions.

SPEAKER_03 59:15

And I had to I had to learn because that's just who I am. I'm a fixer. But then I had to learn that now to say, okay, do you want me to fix this or you want me to listen?

SPEAKER_07 59:24

And sometimes, depending on the day, depending on how what his solution was, because sometimes it'd be like if he's feeling level-headed, the solution is level headed. But if it's a day that he didn't have enough wherever he was, he'll say something crazy. I'd be like, child, I can't do that.

SPEAKER_02 59:38

But you can fix it that way. You can actually fix it that way.

SPEAKER_07 59:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 59:42

But uh, yes, so uh that's one way is like you say, you need an ear when you've had trouble times. Um and then the other way is a guilty pleasure. It's always dessert and chocolate. Always. You know what I mean? Um, well, not just their chocolate, but dessert and wine, I would should say. Um but it's like you want peace, but not uh isolation. You know, I think I think that's when you're overwhelmed. Sometimes you want peace, but not isolation. Like you don't want nobody to just leave you.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:23

No. Give me the choice.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:25

Yes, you you would rather be like if you just if you're overwhelmed and we're in the room, you want a a good, clean, organized space in an overwhelm, you know, when your mind is overwhelmed, so you can just sit and just and then when you're ready to come out of it, you'll come out of it. And but you want somebody to be right there because when you're ready to come out of it, you're ready to talk about it and you don't want to look for it. So um I think that's what it I think that's what it is.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:54

Yeah. Um, I will say I could be right, but I think I'm right. Yeah, you're right. And sometimes it's like the choice, because sometimes if you're like, like if you say, hey, I'm going here, you want to come. And on some of those days I may say, no, I don't want to come because I just want to just have the moment. But um, I think for you, sometimes I don't know when you're overwhelmed. That's the um and so male party. But you have in the last few years or so been more open about feeling overwhelmed.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:31

Because the overwhelm has overflowed. Yes. And it's not helpful.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:37

But I would say before, I like really had no idea that that you were overwhelmed. But now um I do, but I do only know these are the ways that I know. Either you'll tell, you'll say, it's just a lot. I pay attention to how you breathe, how the breaths sound, um, the size, and then also if you are being very short, and I know that something is um that you're maybe feeling overwhelmed, or just also um if your responses to things uh like if we're talking about something, if it's like you're being a bit irrational. And then when I'm like, oh, he's in, I know you're overwhelmed because that is not normally how how you would respond to it. So, in regards to comforting you there in that space, um, like a perfect example of like the feeling when you're overwhelmed was when you had to switch from PE to spade. And that was that three months, it was nothing I could say. I would try. Like normally I'd like to be encouraging and be like trying to help him see the silver lining. And I mean, I all my little silver lining just got shut down.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:07

It was like you said, you told me one time, you said, Look, I don't want to be in. You said something. It was like what it pretty much what it was saying was like, I just want to be sit in it. Yeah, let me sit in this space that I'm in right now. Let me have my ideas about who I want to have my idea, let me shoot down with my evil eyes, who I want to shoot down. And that's what I felt like. Yeah. It's like, let me, I've been positive for so long. Yes, you know what I mean. Let me now cuss and fuss.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:35

So he didn't say that. Like, I just I will just say, listen, I don't, I don't need your positivity today. He didn't say that to me, but his shooting everything down, I was like, you know what? I'm just gonna let him sit in it because I think that's what he wants to do. And so I didn't say anything. I just let you um sit in it and gradually, you know, work how you needed to work through it. Um, other times, um, if I know you're feeling overwhelmed, then I'll do certain things like making sure, like, well, let me just make sure dinner's covered for the day or get the groceries or do um some of the things because we share like things. So then I'm like, let me lighten his day so he can just come home and we do that for each other. So if he knows I'm overwhelmed, I come home, he didn't got my favorite wine, and da-da-da. And then vice versa, I'm like, let me come. And he comes and dinner's ready. I've already decided and done those things. Um, if it's like an overwhelming day, and then of course I know when things are overwhelming, just a little loving helps. It helps for anything. I know it helps for anything, but that sort of thing. And then um, and then I just try to be a little bit more touchy or give you a hug or something like that just to kind of bring a little bit of comfort. I feel like that's what you that's what I do, but I d I I don't know if that's what you need.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:00

Yeah, you always need those. Okay. Always and that's one thing people gotta understand about. Well, I'm not answering for all men, but men need reassuring. You know what I'm saying? It's like even though your feet are cold, if we don't feel them at night at in the bed, it was like, you know, we gotta at least feel them. And then you can take them off, or we'll kick them off. I don't need your cold feet. We just No I'm saying, men, we just it's that, it's that that one thing. It's like like uh, you know, when babies are um when they're asleep, and then you see they reach for something, like they just reach to touch you, and then when they touch you, then that's it. They'll touch you and they'll calm down, you'll instantly see them calm, and then you'll see their hand go right back into their sleeping position. That's what it is. It's like that it's the comfort to know that the one thing that remains the same is still with me.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:50

You know, even when the world is going crazy, um, you know, hell in a handbasket, the one thing that I can count on to remain the same is still right. They're next to me. And when I feel that touch, it instantly triggers the brain and it triggers the heart to let you know that, okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:08

It's you know, there this is my bigger than what's outside to worry about. Yeah. You know, and so that's that's the reason why touch is important.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:16

All right. So those are the two questions that you um should be able to answer in regards to your spouse.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:24

And if you don't know something about it, not necessarily a spouse, but you know, partner somebody that you've been with for a minute, man, because you can't know this stuff right off the rip. No. But so knowing something about it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:35

Yeah, knowing what helps them feel loved or valued, and then knowing how they prefer to receive comfort when they are overwhelmed. Like those are important things. And if you can't name it, then does it mean, you know, all is lost? That means, hey, let's talk about what do you communicate? What do you need? Like, what makes you feel loved or valued? Um, even like with some of my clients, they maybe say they don't feel like love from their partner, but then it's kind of like, well, what what does love feel like to you? And some people don't have the answer to it for themselves. And if you can't answer it for yourself, how would you expect somebody else um to to know that if you don't know it?

SPEAKER_03 1:07:25

You know, I think I think people do know.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:27

Yeah, but what?

SPEAKER_03 1:07:28

But the answer, they don't feel the answer is appealing or appeasing to the person they're talking to.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:37

Well then that that's kind of a problem.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:40

I mean it is, but it's it's still it's still the thing where it's like it's saying like you don't know what you want to eat, but every time somebody gives you a suggestion, you say no.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:50

So you kind of know.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:52

But you don't want to really say because you're like, Well, you know what you don't want.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:57

I think I think that's just kind of how when we think about our brains, we tend to go to the dislike negative. And so it's like really the reframing and changing of your brain to go to the more of that comfort, um positive place. And so that's that's how you do that.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:20

But if if and and I've I've said this in my students, everything that you know that it's not means that you know what it is. Because it's a process of elimination. If I know the correct answer is not A, and I know it's not B, and I only have C left, yeah. And C is you know, it is C. It's the same thing. So if I say, I know love is not yelling, I know love is not being selfish, I know love is not being so we're getting rid of all these things, and so eventually you're gonna only be left with a small selection of things that you know that that's what love is.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:56

So maybe the no when they don't know, it's because perhaps they have not been in relationships where they've experienced it. So they aren't quite sure.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:05

Yeah, they can't answer it as fast. No, no. You still know what it is.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:09

Yeah, you still know because you can you can maybe say, but it it wouldn't be a certain thing. So maybe that is the problem. Maybe perhaps they haven't felt some of that love, but they've seen it in this relationship, and I so it'd be more of a I think I that's what I need to feel. And that's what I think that's what.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:28

They're afraid that if I point out an unsure answer, that you're gonna be, are you sure? And now there's more doubt in their mind. Well, and so like you say, if they say, Well, what do you well I my aunt is like this, okay? Explain that.

unknown 1:09:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:43

That's what you how do you feel when you see that? I feel good about it. Well, we're closer to your answer.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:50

Yeah. So, and I guess the thing about it, um, when your partner or spouse does do something that makes you feel loved, that you make sure to tell them. I like that. Yeah, I liked when you did that for me. And so that way they know, do more of that.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:06

That's right.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:06

So And if you see the the opposite, then say that too.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:10

I didn't like that.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:11

Yeah, because I'm saying, like, in let's say if you're dating, and you know, we know narcissistics and limitative people, if you tell them what it is that they did that really made you feel secure and they stopped doing it, that's a flag you gotta pay attention to because it's like I honestly told them what it was. Now they're doing the exact opposite to Yeah, that is a flag. You know, and but but you will see that in a relationship sometimes. People are that kind of way.

SPEAKER_09 1:10:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:38

So it's it's it's great to communicate because now you you put it out there.

SPEAKER_09 1:10:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:44

And also you put it out there for yourself to make sure you notice it again. And if you don't notice again, then you know, okay, well, this may not be what I need.

SPEAKER_09 1:10:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:52

And you can't you can't compromise yourself in that situation. You know how some people say, well, I just need to be with somebody.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:59

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:00

You gotta yes, you gotta understand that there is something out there that's better for you.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:04

Yeah, because the the more that you just say, I want to be with somebody, you keep just being with somebody just to be with somebody, you are really messing up your idea of relationships. It's like putting you, you're like taking all these steps backwards. Um, and then when you and it keeps you from identifying the perfect ideal person for you, it clouds your vision because now you come with all this baggage. And then you may not, you maybe once would have been um attracted, attractive to that specific person that's your ideal person. But when they see you with all those bags and and you just don't, you don't look the way that you should. Well, love is a good thing. So don't waste, yeah. Don't waste your time just because you feel like you need a man, like Wade and Wade and figure out develop yourself into the perfect person that you can be that you can be so that you'll attract that ideal person for you.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:03

Because somebody else is out there, somebody else is doing the same exact thing. Yeah. I know that's what I say. I say, you know what? Lord just made me the perfect person. So when the time is right, them jokers know they got the best thing popping. Popping. And that's what happened. The best thing popping in Texas at the time.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:18

Oh, let's do the side act because.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:21

Um, believe it's sister. I know. It's real quick.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:23

Is it real quick? Okay.

Dating Red Flags And Stolen Dog

SPEAKER_03 1:12:25

All right. So it was this lady went out on a date with this man.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:29

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:29

Believe it, believe it's sister. She went out on a date with this man.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:33

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:33

After she went out on a date, she was like, This ain't me.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:36

So the man was stalking her. She had met him online.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:39

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:39

And the man started stalking her. And she was like, Look, man, this ain't gonna work. The man kept stalking her. He knew where she lived and everything. And so when she would never reply back, the man was like, I'm gonna get her back. So what he did was he stole her dog. Her dog was her dog was oh, he only had three legs.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:57

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:58

Stole her little three-legged dog. So she had an extra soft spot because, you know, he was handicapped.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:03

And he stole the dog. And then uh nobody knew where the dog went. He just came up missing, and then um the police, she told the police that the man had been stalking her, and then they finally actually found the dog. And so, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:18

See why you need to be careful who you're dating? They'll steal your dog.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:22

Steal a three-legged puppy.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:23

Yeah, the last thing you want is a stalker who's gonna steal your dog.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:27

Steal your dog. Oh, three-legged.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:29

Do not do that.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:31

Oh, Leany the Weenie dog.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:33

Leany the weenie only got three legs, and he done stole them.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:36

He stole them.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:37

That is terrible.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:38

If it was a boy doll, he was probably if it was his back leg, that was a cool dog because he never had to hike his leg out of the peak.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:45

No, he sure is.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:46

He just stands right there and goes. Because it never hit nothing.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:48

Nope, never would.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:50

Isn't that something?

SPEAKER_07 1:13:51

That is something.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:52

Oh, three-legged.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:52

Oh, trifling. Well, listen, believe it, sisters.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:56

Believe it, sisters.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:57

Don't just be dating anybody.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:59

They'll steal your three-legged doll.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:00

They sure will.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:01

That's right. Unless you're dating a three-legged dog. Y'all know what I'm talking about. When they say that man got a third leg.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:07

Some of them.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:08

Just cut that third leg there.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:10

That's what get them. That's what mess up. They'll be pointing at me. They might think you're talking to me. I mean, that's what mess up. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:15

That third leg get them.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:17

That third leg get him.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:18

Yeah, I don't know. The hell y'all going crazy.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:20

Mm-hmm. You dealing with foolishness.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:22

Yep.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:22

Just.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:23

Oh, you thought about that third leg. Little baby arm. Now you over there.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:27

The third leg came with five bags.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:29

Yep. Five bags.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:32

Shang.

Side Eye Pancakes And Healthy Conflict

SPEAKER_03 1:14:32

And chillin'. All right, side eye of the week. What's your side eye of the week?

SPEAKER_07 1:14:37

My side eye of the week is I remember I told you I went to lunch with the boys. Uh, we went to Fluffy Fluffy because I wanted them to try the Fluffy Fluffy pancakes.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:47

Yep, yep.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:47

So, of course, as as I have a certain time for lunch and they was running behind. And the Fluffy Fluffy cakes take about 25, they say give them at least 25 minutes, up to 25 minutes to make them. And so I told them, I said, well, listen, I'm just gonna go ahead and order my food because then if I got to head out, y'all can still, y'all two will be together. You can do whatever. So I went ahead and ordered mine. And when we went the first time, it took about 20 minutes before we got our fluffy fluffy cakes. And so next thing I know, I sit down and I'm talking about three minutes. She's like, Oh, here you go. I go, Well, that was fast. She says, I guess we just knew that you you um were gonna have this. And so then I looked at myself, well, wait a minute. These don't look so fluffy, fluffy, they look kind of fluff. And so, anyways, I just didn't, and nobody else had them. And so I couldn't kind of compare like what mine I'm trying to remember. So, anyways, I go and I just eat mine, and the um the boys are coming. I was still eating mine. And so as we were sitting there, all of and I said when I was eating them, I go, man, these don't taste like I mean, literally, they like fluffy, they melt your mouth. These don't really taste. So then they this other little lady came in, they I saw hers. I go, uh, no, mine didn't look like that. And so I told the boys, I said, I'm saying something. They're like, Ma, you ate them. Why are you gonna say something? I go, I'm gonna say something. I'm gonna be kind, but I'm gonna say something. Um, you should what? Wait, you should not say anything. So then here comes Caris or Kimani, their fluffy cakes. And I was thankful that theirs were fluffy fluffy, because this was their first time coming. I really wanted them to, you know, have a great experience. So I was like, I'm really gonna say something. And Kimani's like, Well, I'm going to the bathroom. I'm not gonna be here. Well, and I was like, they're gonna do something to our food. I go, listen, you have your food. They can't do anything to your food, it's gonna be fine. So Kimani was like having a fit. So Cari goes, okay, well, at least here's what you should say. So he was trying to tell me who how to what to say. Uh anyways. So I was like, okay, all right, and I know what to say. So uh they're like, and Kimani's like, please don't say anything. So then all of a sudden, the the owner goes and he's going to different tables asking, how was the things? I said, Kimani, see with the Lord, it is really meant for me to say something because the owner, I said, if the owner comes to the table, I'm gonna say something. So the owner went to that table, then he went to this table, then he started. So Kimani's like, I'm going to the bathroom. So Kimani left and went to the bathroom. And the owner came. I go, he goes, Hey, how was everything? Car goes, oh, mine really good. I said, well, mine were good. However, they were not fluffy fluffy. And I said, um, so I told him how mine came. I said, do I mean I said, I feel like mine were pre-made. He goes, oh no, no, we don't do pre-made. We do da-da-da-da-da. And I said, Oh no, mine were definitely pre-made. He goes, No, we try to, we make a set, but if we we try to get them out with between five and ten minutes. And I was like, Well, mine made something wrong. Somebody brought mine at 9.59 because they were not good. And so I said, but I said, they still taste delicious. I said, but when we came before, the ones I had when we first came, they were amazing. I said, the boys look awesome. I go, but yeah, mine today weren't the fluffy fluffy that I remembered. And he was like, Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. I was like, no problem. They're still good. And so then he went on. And so then um Kimani came back. He's like, Oh, I'm glad I missed it. And so I was like, why gotta go to the bathroom? So I went to the bathroom, came back, and they made me new fluffy fluffy cakes. And so that's why I was like trying to tell him I go, my the boys, my side eye is not fluffy fluffy. Because fluffy fluffy, they're so sweet and kind. My side eye is to my children. The side eye is that they think that anytime you tell someone you don't like something or something didn't go right, that that's negative conflict. And conflict is not negative. Yeah, your response, the way you say or do, makes it negative. So it's like this uh phrase that we say: conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional. So it's not about what you say, it's about how you say it.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:15

Amen.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:16

And so just for them to understand that that if you go in and you talk like you have sense and you are not raising your voice and you're just letting somebody know, there's nothing wrong with that. Nothing, nothing at all. And so, and see, it gave me new fluffy fluffy cakes. Now I told the lady she gave to me, I go, that is so sweet. I said, Thank you so much. I said, I don't think I can eat any more fluffy fluffy cakes. And so I left it for the boys to enjoy or take home with them. But but but see, it's just to show them that you can still say what you need to say, but if you pay money for something, it needs to be right.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:49

It needs to be right, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:50

It needs to be right. So my side eye is to them, and I hope that experience helps them to feel comfortable saying, speaking up when something's not right. Because if not, I told them I said, You this is how you're gonna be in your life, people are going to misuse and abuse you because they know you will not say anything about it. So that is my side eye.

SPEAKER_05 1:20:10

Lost that a few used and abused, you know where that's from? Not such a has come. There's no more rain in this cloud.

Gratitude Check And Looking Ahead

SPEAKER_03 1:20:31

All right. Well, that's all we have for today.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:34

That is.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:35

So um, we will see you guys. This is episode.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:37

Grateful, what you grateful for?

SPEAKER_03 1:20:39

Oh, I'm grateful. Uh I'm grateful for I'm grateful for change. Yeah, because uh I know something's popping on the other side of change. And um I'm grateful for um the spring. It's a beautiful to like today and yesterday were beautiful days. So um the with the news that I got, I needed the the I needed to see the beauty. And I see it. You know what I'm saying? So let's do it. Let's do this.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:09

All right, I'll be right back. What are you grateful for? I'm grateful. I said this in our training because I did uh the circles training, but I am grateful that I have an amazing husband that if he has time, which is mostly almost every day, if he's making himself breakfast, he makes me breakfast.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:26

I try to, but you ain't eating them egg whites. What's up with that?

SPEAKER_07 1:21:28

Well, I wasn't that hungry. I haven't been that hungry in the morning.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:32

Okay. We're wasting our money. Oh my gosh. You see that?

SPEAKER_07 1:21:35

Yeah. So I did eat my turkey bacon and the toast.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:38

The toast, yes.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:39

But I wasn't, for whatever reason, I didn't feel that hungry that morning. So that's why I didn't eat my egg whites.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:44

Um, so anywho, that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:46

What are you looking forward to?

SPEAKER_07 1:21:47

Oh, what am I looking for? Well, I'm kind of looking forward to what us deciding spring break.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:54

Uh ain't no decision. We already decided. Oh, okay. There's only one place because of the airports are jacked up, we can't run that risk. So we're just gonna go where we say we're going.

SPEAKER_07 1:22:02

Oh, okay. Well then I guess I'm looking forward to that.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:22:07

Or do we want to do a trip or are we ready to do No.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:14

Because there's only gonna be uh one can of paint.

SPEAKER_07 1:22:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:17

Or two cans. That's$40.

SPEAKER_07 1:22:19

All right, never mind. So I'm looking forward to our trip because that just gives us a little bit of although we can have level of time here, but it's like when you're all when you're on a trip.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:29

Well, we're gonna have a visitor on that trip too.

SPEAKER_07 1:22:32

Oh, well, when you're on a trip, it's just like it's different. Yeah, it's just different.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:39

So anyway, it's different. And we trip, we trip different too. We trip different. That's just who we are. We always find people we talk to. We you know and that's it's gonna be a cool trip.

SPEAKER_07 1:22:50

Yeah. So what are you looking forward to?

SPEAKER_03 1:22:53

Man, I I really don't know. Um I don't know, because it's just everything that I've kind of been looking forward to is like something else popping up. But not bad. No. You know, it's just I don't know. Uh I guess the surprise of it all.

SPEAKER_07 1:23:09

Oh, I do have to go to court on Wednesday. I'm fighting a ticket.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:12

Okay, I'm looking forward to you making sure you can come home without me having to come get you.

SPEAKER_07 1:23:16

I'm going to court. They're trying to send me a thing saying I ran a red light. You don't even see a red light on the picture.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:21

So it's a very grainy picture, but that's not gonna be their excuse. They're gonna be like, well, our system says No, no, no.

SPEAKER_07 1:23:27

I talked to Jen, who uh my teammate, whose son is a police officer, okay, and he said many people go and fight it, and then they just do whatever with it.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:37

I hope they I hope you get to get off.

SPEAKER_07 1:23:39

Yeah, because they go yeah, because they're gonna have to show me how were you able, if this picture looks like this, how did you determine determine it?

SPEAKER_03 1:23:48

That's true. I pray, I pray everything goes well.

SPEAKER_07 1:23:51

I do too, because I'm not giving them my 70s.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:53

I'm looking forward to keeping my wife out of jail.

SPEAKER_07 1:23:57

I'm not going to jail, but I don't want to give them$70 because that I go that route all the time. So I know how the light works, and that's why I know it is a bold-faced lie.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:07

Bold faced. I guess I can say I'm looking forward to buying my lawnmower tomorrow.

SPEAKER_07 1:24:11

Oh, yeah, a lawnmower.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:12

Yeah, buying my lawnmower tomorrow so I can cut my grass a little bit.

SPEAKER_07 1:24:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:15

All right. Other than that, ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us. This is uh the Refreshingly Normal podcast where we talk all things refreshingly normal about being a couple, human beings, teachers, parents, uh, just people in this world trying to survive. Because we're keeping ahead of the water.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:32

I was okay. I'm a survivor.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:34

Yeah, and that'll work too. So uh I am Kefla.

SPEAKER_07 1:24:40

Oh, I'm Cree.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:42

And again, this is a Refreshingly Normal podcast. See you when you see you.

SPEAKER_07 1:24:46

All right, we're going to get some Mexican food.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:50

And some drinks.

SPEAKER_07 1:24:51

And some bebitas.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:54

Who?

SPEAKER_07 1:24:55

Bebitas.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:56

That's what drinks are.

SPEAKER_07 1:24:57

I think that's drinks in Spanish.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:58

Oh Lord.

SPEAKER_07 1:24:58

Is it bebitas?

SPEAKER_03 1:25:00

I don't know.

SPEAKER_07 1:25:01

Yes.

unknown 1:25:01

Oh.

SPEAKER_07 1:25:02

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:02

Speaking of Spanish, if you know of any classes I can actually sit down and take, I don't want no online stuff. I want to actually take a Spanish class within the Atlanta metro area. Not too far. Even if it's on a Saturday, let me know. All right.

SPEAKER_08 1:25:16

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:25

The Refreshingly Normal Podcast.