Not Expecting Yourself From Others And AI Companionship

If you’ve ever thought, “I’m doing everything right, so why am I still exhausted,” we’re right there with you. We start with the real-life weight of a busy school-year schedule, the kind of tired that makes your mind race, and the daily choice to protect your peace without becoming cold. Along the way, we unpack a simple mindset that saves energy fast: we stop expecting ourselves from other people, and we replace disappointment with clearer boundaries and more grace.

Then the conversation takes a sharp turn into the future of relationships: AI dating and AI companions. We react to the growing number of people forming romantic attachments to chatbots, hiding those relationships, arguing with AI partners, and even paying for therapy to deal with the emotional fallout. We talk about the psychology behind it, why the “prompt” gives AI so much power, and why an AI relationship can still drain intimacy from a marriage even if there’s no physical affair.

We close with what actually helps: asking each other what we need most in a demanding season, building consistent connection time, and creating a safe space through small daily moments. Plus, we share mental health tips on coping skills, avoiding one-strategy burnout, and building confidence by doing the hard thing before you feel ready. If this hit home, subscribe, share it with a friend, and leave a review. What’s your line in the sand with AI relationships?

Don't forget to Like, Comment, Share, and Subscribe.

Thank you for listening!

Transcript

Welcome And School-Year Overload

SPEAKER_00 0:03

The Refreshingly Normal Podcast.

unknown 0:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 0:26

Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen. I am Kefla.

SPEAKER_03 0:31

I am Kree.

SPEAKER_01 0:33

And we are the hosts of the Refreshingly Normal Podcast.

SPEAKER_03 0:36

Podcast.

SPEAKER_01 0:37

Welcome. You like that one? What's up, everybody? We back. Refreshingly normal podcast. I am Kefla.

SPEAKER_03 0:46

I'm Cree.

SPEAKER_01 0:47

And we are ready to get into it.

SPEAKER_03 0:51

To it. Let's do it. Let's do it.

SPEAKER_01 0:54

So, how was your week?

SPEAKER_03 0:56

Um, so my week has been uh pretty good. Um, I will say, this start of the school year, we have been busy.

SPEAKER_01 1:05

Come on now.

SPEAKER_03 1:06

Um, the one thing though, I've had some of my clients cancel, and I don't know if everybody's been a little bit overwhelmed.

SPEAKER_06 1:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:14

Um, because I do I have checked on them to say, like, hey, is everything okay? Are you still wanting to continue with therapy? Some of them they're having some scheduling challenges and certain things. And so um they're like, no, but I'm gonna be there next week. And I said, okay, I just wanted to check in to see. Um, so I'm thinking like everybody's kind of feeling that first part of the school year, just busy schedules. So I can't say I wasn't grateful because I too was tired. So when both of my Fridays canceled, I was like, oh baby, yes. So I was really excited to have that. Um, and then so other than that, just like really been busy. I've had some zones training. I got to zones train at your got to train me. I got to train this guy.

SPEAKER_01 2:07

But normally I'm the one training her.

SPEAKER_03 2:09

Oh, poliza. Anyways, so um I really enjoyed your school and staff and talking about zones and um I think for me, I don't know, I feel like since doing the more clinical therapy, because I I did school counseling, I was a teacher, right? The clinical part helps me to see the need better. Yeah, because even as a school counselor, kids only share so much, and parents only allow them to share so much, right? But when you do clinical, you get to know all the things. Yeah. And so from that, being able to like truly work with people who want the help. I feel like it's helped me in talking about certain things that deal with um therapizing.

SPEAKER_01 3:09

Yeah, it gave you a better understanding how the brain works, the human works. It also, I could tell it gives you, because it does me, but I can hear from your speaking that it gives you a better understanding of what grace looks like, feels like, and sounds like. You've always given grace to people, but now you're like, hold up.

SPEAKER_02 3:31

Wait a minute.

SPEAKER_01 3:32

Especially in the educational setting, a lot of these kids haven't been diagnosed with anything yet. Even though, you know, everybody else has been already self-diagnosed, then we'd be like, oh no, I know something. And so you always tell them, well, look, we gotta give these babies grace because we don't know what's happening. And we always said that. It's kind of like when we say something twice.

SPEAKER_08 3:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:54

Like, I ain't tired, but I ain't tired.

SPEAKER_03 3:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:57

You know what I mean? It's like it's like you already knew it, yeah, but you didn't know it nowhere.

SPEAKER_03 4:02

You know, and because there isn't like an official diagnosis, you know, the yeah, we act like the thing is not a thing.

SPEAKER_08 4:08

Right.

SPEAKER_03 4:09

But the thing is a thing.

SPEAKER_08 4:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:11

Um, and even with that, so and then um for work, we've been doing some celebrations, and so we had a cell we did a birthday celebration, breakfast today out. And um it was really oh, I always enjoy their food.

SPEAKER_01 4:26

In comparison to the other one, I know it's two different things because that has a uh uh sweet living, and then this one, but it's they're they're kind of different, I would say. They're very different. Well, very different, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:37

No, I think I like sweet living better. Uh although sweet living doesn't have croissants, right? So if you want a croissant, of course, you're gonna go to the French bakery. But the coffee's better at Sweet Living. Okay. The coffee was okay. It wasn't terrible. Because you know, we didn't have some terrible coffee. We missed some places and had terrible coffee, but I like the coffee better at Sweet Living.

SPEAKER_06 4:57

Okay.

Grace Without Losing Your Boundaries

SPEAKER_03 4:58

But anyway, I was gonna share like with our conversation today. We're just kind of talking through things and talking about, you know, just people, because you know, my team, we don't talk just about work. We talk about all the things. And so we were talking about, I was telling them one of my models for the year is to not expect myself out of other people. And some of them are lying, I don't know about that, Creek. What does that mean? You just I said, no, it doesn't mean you're just gonna let anybody, you're not gonna let people just act anyway. I said, what it means is is that you are gonna give them grace, but you also can decide, do you need to set a boundary for that person? So the thing is, I'm saying, I understand you are you, and I'm gonna accept that. I'm gonna accept that you are you. And I said, but I still believe we teach people how to treat us. So then from that, I'm not expecting me out of you. So for one, I don't have to worry about being disappointed.

SPEAKER_01 5:48

Right.

SPEAKER_03 5:49

Um, I don't have to worry about wasting that energy on trying to say, well, why would they do that?

SPEAKER_01 5:54

Or why would that or convince them to not do that?

SPEAKER_03 5:58

Or to convince them because you don't have control over them, and you only have control over yourself. So it's kind of almost the idea of the male robins let them. It kind of goes along with that. But then it's like with that, you set your boundaries still. I said, so it doesn't mean you just allow them to act any kind of way. You decide how does that how does your interaction moving forward look like with that person? They go, Oh, I think I may be like that. I said, I'm telling you, I don't think, I said, I think for the last since I've said that as my motto, I have not said, well, why would they do that?

SPEAKER_01 6:37

I just go, you look like me. And keep it pushing forward. I'm rubbing off on you.

SPEAKER_03 6:45

And it does. And let me say, I think you are because guess what? What today, as I was working on um um a presentation, and I said, Oh, I'll just put in um the housewives on while I work. I could not even, I could not, I couldn't do it. I just had I was like, oh my God, I had to turn them off.

SPEAKER_06 7:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:08

So I don't know. I was like, when you say, like, I think I've said before protecting my peace. Um, but I think I am really now really for real protecting my pieces.

SPEAKER_01 7:19

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:20

Yeah, and it feels different. It feels better.

SPEAKER_01 7:23

Yeah, because it's only so much you can understand, you know, take. And I just hate to see those ladies, with what, you know, how people say, well, they got all this stuff, and then they still acting crazy.

SPEAKER_03 7:36

Well, that's for the money, huh?

SPEAKER_01 7:37

I know, but that's what I'm saying. But then you like, well, shoot, a show needs to pick us up. We don't have no drama, but I guarantee you we have We can make some better humans. Right. We got thousands of people out there in the world that would tune in because it will give them a refreshing view of hope. Mm-hmm and of, you know, of something and doing beautiful things for people, you know, going out there trying to make a difference with people's lives. With you had the money behind that they have behind them.

SPEAKER_03 8:04

Oh man.

SPEAKER_01 8:05

Going to a single mom or going to a school and doing stuff for kids and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_07 8:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:11

Come on. Feel good, don't pay good, I guess.

SPEAKER_07 8:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:14

So feel good, don't view good. No, but it's just, and then also in your in your field now, yeah. You deal with so much that maybe I don't want the extra. Yeah, so much trauma and so much other stuff that it's your body's defense mechanism of saying, look, I gotta make this unattractive to you because if you put this on your plate on top of after school, on top of what you may face at work, yeah, what else do you have left?

SPEAKER_03 8:40

You're gonna be laid out on the ground. Right.

SPEAKER_01 8:43

Because you can't come and take it on me.

SPEAKER_03 8:45

I I can.

SPEAKER_01 8:46

You know, you can't.

SPEAKER_03 8:48

I wouldn't. I wouldn't. That's one of the things that well, that's one of the things that we have made sure of.

SPEAKER_01 8:53

Take me a drive, child.

SPEAKER_03 8:56

We make sure to not to work hard and not doing that. Doesn't mean that we haven't had oopses. But but we're not gonna be able to do that.

SPEAKER_01 9:02

But for the most part, I can understand we do not we do not bring our mud in the house.

SPEAKER_07 9:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:09

You know what I'm saying? We don't track it. We dump our feet, our shoes at the door, our emotions and feelings at the door, and come in for a shower of love.

SPEAKER_03 9:19

Well, and I won't say, I don't want people to think that we jump at the door and we don't um But you don't get all the dirt off the shoes either. No, no. So what I'm saying, yeah, yeah. So you're not saying we don't we act like we don't have emotions.

SPEAKER_01 9:33

No, but you But we we are We don't let that impact how we treat.

SPEAKER_03 9:37

Right.

SPEAKER_01 9:37

That's what I'm saying. We're we're cognizant of the fact that I shouldn't say what I said, or I shouldn't, you know, say this just because I'm upset with work.

SPEAKER_07 9:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:48

You know what I mean? And even if we're a little short with each other, a little snappy with each other at a moment, it's like, okay, I I know that wasn't in the moment, or you know, that wasn't what I should have done. And we try to, we better ourselves for it. You know, but some people they leave them muddy shoes on.

SPEAKER_03 10:05

They do.

SPEAKER_01 10:06

And then they knock them on air by like a dog when a dog shake all that mud and get on the wall.

SPEAKER_03 10:10

That's a great analogy. And that's like even when I was a teacher or school council working, I didn't take that to work for my students. So even if at home I was frustrated about home or frustrated with a parent or frustrated with whatever, like you just don't take that out on other people. It's kind of like yesterday when you were listening to was it Oprah? Yeah and that guy said what your character is, or he said your character is who you are on a bad day.

SPEAKER_01 10:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:41

Or when things are hard.

SPEAKER_01 10:42

Yeah, well, yeah, when things are hard. Who you who you show up as you show up as when things are hard.

SPEAKER_03 10:47

When things are hard, and that is so true. Yeah, um, I said he asked me before I knew what the man, well, who's the man?

SPEAKER_01 10:56

Adam Grant. Adam Grant. He wrote the book Hidden Potential.

SPEAKER_03 11:00

So you asked me what I thought character meant before you told me what Adam Grant meant, and I said character to me is who you are consistently, um, who you show up as consistently. Um, because nobody's perfect.

SPEAKER_01 11:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:15

Um, so but I kind of feel like that aligns.

SPEAKER_01 11:18

It does. We'll give it to you.

SPEAKER_03 11:20

I'll take it. We'll give it to you. But yeah, that is true. And so you have to think about that. And um when you shaking off, like, you know, all of your emotions onto other people, part of that the behavior you're displaying, the character you're displaying is you.

SPEAKER_08 11:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:39

So be mindful of that. That's why they say when Maya Angelou says, um, when people show you who they are, believe them. Believe them.

SPEAKER_01 11:47

Believe them.

SPEAKER_03 11:48

That that aligns just with you.

SPEAKER_01 11:50

She did. Yeah. So they're not lying. Like she what she said, they've been them, they've been themselves for years. So they are good at being who they are. So you better, they are experts at being who they are. So if they are a jerk, if they are mean, if they are violent, they're experts at it because that's who they've been for years.

SPEAKER_03 12:09

That's who they've been for years. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:11

So they said believe.

SPEAKER_03 12:12

And that is so true. Because I just think to myself, when people say, uh, when people say crimes of passion or crimes of such and such, I'm like.

SPEAKER_01 12:22

You've thought those craziness for years. Ooh, somebody I'm gonna do, I'm gonna do, I'm gonna do it.

SPEAKER_03 12:27

I just think to myself, if I came in here and you were with another woman, not only I'm not gonna be happy about it, but I'm not gonna feel like I got to fight or kill or do all those things. I'm just gonna look. I probably just would look and say, oh, this is what we're doing.

SPEAKER_06 12:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:45

And I would leave out and just be gone. I just can't imagine. People say, no, you'd be so angry, you just be child.

SPEAKER_01 12:53

That's their undiagnose. That's their character. And they undiagnose, because they say, I just snapped. I uh I've always been nice. Maybe you've just been bipolar underneath. And the trauma, because what bipolar can severe trauma can, yes, can uh what is it, expose it.

SPEAKER_03 13:08

The mental illness. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:09

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 13:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:10

So it's really like thinking about that.

SPEAKER_03 13:14

And I said, whoever made up that law many years ago.

SPEAKER_01 13:17

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Was created to protect somebody they probably knew or themselves.

SPEAKER_03 13:22

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 13:23

Or other people. Or other people. So they can blame it, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:26

Yes. And doesn't make it right just because it's a law.

SPEAKER_01 13:30

We know that.

SPEAKER_03 13:30

There are lots of laws that aren't right.

SPEAKER_01 13:32

That's right. Say that.

SPEAKER_03 13:34

Yeah. All right.

Teacher Fatigue And Quiet Moments

SPEAKER_03 13:35

What about your week?

SPEAKER_01 13:36

Um, my week was uh, like so you trained for me. It was good. Um tiring. Um trainer was tiring. No, I'm the week was tiring, child. No, your training, I did get a little tired of your training, but that's because I haven't been sleeping well.

SPEAKER_07 13:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:53

And uh and I was fidgeting real bad under the table.

SPEAKER_03 13:56

I saw you.

SPEAKER_01 13:57

Yeah, I was like, I'm trying not to fidget, and I just kept fidgeting.

SPEAKER_03 14:00

That's okay.

SPEAKER_01 14:01

And then, you know, I was like, oh, because I I I took all my medications. So I was good with that. But it was just, I was fidgeting. I was like, my mind was just racing.

SPEAKER_08 14:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:09

And when I get tired, my mind starts racing to try to stay stuck and do stuff so that I can pay attention and all that. And um, but I'm just I'm even right now, I'm mentally, you can hear my voices like uh like 16 octaves deeper. Um, I don't seem like I have enough time in the day. I really don't.

SPEAKER_03 14:27

What you gonna do when you got to see the claim?

SPEAKER_01 14:29

I know, and that's what I was I was today, I was thinking about saying You're gonna feel like I fail. Yeah, um at least it's temporary. Yeah, and that's the thing. I said it's temporary, but we have a break. It's a long temporariness. Yes, a whole year.

SPEAKER_03 14:44

Not well, not a whole year, but ten months.

SPEAKER_01 14:46

Well, what we'll call a school year. We call it a year. It is a school year.

SPEAKER_03 14:50

So we have our breaks. You ain't gonna, you don't need to go nowhere. You just need to set out.

SPEAKER_01 14:53

It's tough. But I I said, look, I know God's gonna bring me through. He always does. Yeah. Um, but it's I'm I'm I'm I feel like I don't have enough time. And I know it's okay, just sit down and do it.

SPEAKER_07 15:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:08

But then that's when the ADHD kicks in. It's like, and the anxiety kind of kicks in a little bit. And I'm like, for what? I just gotta make phone calls.

SPEAKER_08 15:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

Or I gotta plan this event. I gotta contact the next teacher, but I don't, it's like, I gotta go to the teacher, because ain't nobody really eating the reading the email, and they way down the hallway, but I don't have time because a class coming right now.

SPEAKER_08 15:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:30

It's like it's so much. But I do it all with a smile.

SPEAKER_08 15:35

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 15:35

And um, you know, it is what it is. Um, but I just you know, I'm I'm tired. I'm very tired.

SPEAKER_03 15:42

I think that's what people don't understand. Like for teachers, educators, the breaks are needed.

SPEAKER_01 15:47

I don't even have time to go pee.

SPEAKER_03 15:49

Yeah. Or eat lunch sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 15:51

Like today I didn't, because I was trying to handle the stuff.

SPEAKER_03 15:54

Yeah. And um But you but can I tell you this? You have two other people in there.

SPEAKER_01 16:01

Yeah. I know.

SPEAKER_03 16:02

But And you like to do all the things. Yeah. And you got two other people in there, and you need to use them appropriately to take care of you.

SPEAKER_01 16:12

You're right. I will. I definitely will. I guess it's still because I'm trying to find my groove too. You know, so I understand. Um, but um, like today, you know, because thank God my wife got me another car. My wife, she got me a silver moment, boy. She got me another car. And so, um, but I like at one point, um, like the the podcast was it stopped that I was listening to. Yeah. I was finishing up the the Adam. I don't know, it was just uh, I think maybe whatever from my phone. It um, I don't know, something a call, yeah, a call came in and shut it down. Then the car was kind of like going to voicemail and I was trying to reach to do it. But it was so quiet in the car. And I said, ooh. I said, but I don't need right now how tired I am. Yeah. I don't need some noise.

SPEAKER_07 16:59

I need some noise. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:00

But it was so quiet. I'm talking about just a perfect um white noise. Yeah. I said, oh no. I need this stuff. I need music. But I I knew I could think better.

SPEAKER_07 17:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:11

And it felt like I was finally alone and finally just doing what I need. I said, but nah, I couldn't do that. But I said, when I do get some sleep, I'm gonna probably ride a little bit in the in the, you know, quiet. But um my I'll say today ended very well.

SPEAKER_03 17:26

How did this?

SPEAKER_01 17:26

We had fifth graders. Okay. And we did this little quick game, because, you know, I was like, man, I just don't feel like getting all this equipment out. Even though, you know, my helpers and stuff, but it's still on me to know, you know, so I can because I'm the one doing all the talking and stuff like that. Okay. And we just did a quick cone relay game. All it was, like they had to put the cone on the square, next person runs, put the cone on the square, they tag, put the cone on the square, tag, and get to the end. Then you go and get the cone, bring it back. Yeah, right. So we did that. You know, simple. Kids loved it. I'm talking about loved it. But it was like the music we were playing when we were running the music, you know, I playing Michael Jackson. Everybody didn't love Michael Jackson. Coach, you don't know Michael Jackson, do you? I said, Yeah. Child, we grew up on Michael Jackson, you know. Do you know this once? Yeah. So they want to play all these different Michael Jackson songs.

SPEAKER_08 18:10

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 18:11

And so this fifth grade girl at the end, we were, I'm talking about, we had a fun time. They was running, and I got them all together when the teacher showed up. They was quiet. I said, No, we're not gonna do this. And they and they lined straight. And she was a taller, fifth grade black girl. She said, You the new coach? Yes, you are the new coach. She said, Coaching.

SPEAKER_03 18:28

Oh, what did that mean?

SPEAKER_01 18:29

She just, and then she gave me some depth, too. She said, You the new coach. I like, today was fun. Yep. You were all right. And I was like, I appreciate it. I appreciate little mama. But um, she had a good time. So that right there, you know, it kind of made me feel good because even though it may not seem like a lot, uh-huh, for them, just running and doing whatever was fine.

SPEAKER_03 18:54

Structure play.

SPEAKER_01 18:55

Yeah. And so I said, All right.

SPEAKER_03 18:57

So calm down.

SPEAKER_01 18:58

Yeah, calm down. Kimani. Cool thing. We're gonna do it again for the next four days.

SPEAKER_03 19:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:03

So, but it just needs some break. But that was it.

SPEAKER_03 19:06

All right. All right, so we are going

The TikTok Number Guessing Game

SPEAKER_03 19:12

to play. I don't know if y'all have seen on TikTok where they do the number game. So the person writes a number. I know mine might be a little greasy too. Um, we'll see how it sticks. If it doesn't stick, maybe we can just hold it or something like that. So then you put the number here. He's gonna choose a number for me. I'm gonna choose a number for him. We are not gonna know the numbers, but we can ask questions to try to figure out what the number is.

SPEAKER_01 19:39

So what's the range?

SPEAKER_03 19:41

Um, um, zero to one hundred.

SPEAKER_01 19:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 19:44

Let's do zero to one hundred.

SPEAKER_01 19:45

All right.

SPEAKER_03 19:46

Okay. No cheating.

SPEAKER_08 19:48

All right.

SPEAKER_01 19:50

Um, don't do like that one lady said, I saw you writing it. I said, You suck.

SPEAKER_03 20:00

Yeah, I saw her.

SPEAKER_01 20:02

I hate you know I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 20:03

They have done theirs more than once, so they must really probably because they got a lot of uh still. Okay, I'm gonna put it on.

SPEAKER_01 20:16

Okay. Okay. Say that. I'm gonna try to make sure I don't put it over by the uh by the little thing. I wanna put it by your lace.

SPEAKER_03 20:32

All right.

SPEAKER_01 20:34

All right. Okay, so everybody y'all see the number? I didn't TV land. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 20:40

All right.

SPEAKER_01 20:41

Are you ready?

SPEAKER_03 20:41

Uh-huh. You wanna go first?

SPEAKER_01 20:42

What's your name? Um, you wouldn't know. Um, it's gonna matter. Is this number? Um, could I drink?

SPEAKER_03 21:00

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 22:00

Y'all give us some help.

SPEAKER_03 22:03

I'm trying to think of it. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 22:05

Is this number? Older than me.

SPEAKER_05 22:13

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 22:14

Okay.

unknown 22:15

Older than me.

SPEAKER_01 22:16

Um if I had this number in I forgot the other questions you already told me. Okay, no. Oh, no. Okay. Put like this. Is this number larger than the amount of shoes I have?

SPEAKER_03 22:37

Who knows? I don't know, because you got a lot of shoes. I don't know. That's a hard one because he got a gazillion billion shoe. So no.

SPEAKER_01 22:48

Well, mainly the shoe that I really wear.

SPEAKER_03 22:50

Okay, then no, it is larger than the number of shoes you have.

SPEAKER_01 22:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 22:55

Oh, I like this question. Somebody asked. If I put a one in front of this number and that's how much I weighed, would I be pleased?

SPEAKER_01 23:08

I don't know, it depends.

SPEAKER_04 23:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 23:15

All right. Um. If I took off the first number.

SPEAKER_04 23:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 23:28

Would I be losing, probably losing my first tooth?

SPEAKER_03 23:35

If you take off the first number.

SPEAKER_01 23:37

Uh-huh. And so the last, the second number that's on there.

SPEAKER_03 23:42

Would you be losing your first tooth? No, you all you would have already lost several teeth. Okay. All right. Okay, okay, okay. I like that one. Cool, cool.

SPEAKER_04 23:52

If you take off my number in the ones place. If I ate this many cookies, would I feel guilty?

SPEAKER_05 24:07

Yes. I don't want to wait at one. Whatever it would be. It can't be.

SPEAKER_01 24:25

You have no clue what you just said.

SPEAKER_03 24:27

Yes, I do. Because you took the ones away.

SPEAKER_01 24:31

Right.

SPEAKER_03 24:31

So then remember I asked you about if you put a one in front of it, would I be okay with that weight?

SPEAKER_06 24:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:38

And you said maybe. It depends. What does it depend on?

SPEAKER_01 24:42

If you put a one in front of it?

SPEAKER_03 24:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:44

It's a lot of stuff.

SPEAKER_03 24:44

Would I be okay with that weight? I wouldn't get on the scale and go, oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 24:49

It depends.

SPEAKER_03 24:50

You know me.

SPEAKER_01 24:51

Yeah, I do know you.

SPEAKER_03 24:52

So what would I be what would I say? If I put a one right here.

SPEAKER_01 24:56

I'm telling you.

SPEAKER_03 24:57

And if I ate. But if I ate that many cookies, I'ma still be feel guilty. What kind of cookies? If I ate you already had a question.

SPEAKER_01 25:09

You already asked. Okay, go. All right. Um.

SPEAKER_05 25:13

Okay, so if this was my years of teaching, would I have retired?

SPEAKER_07 25:27

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 25:29

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:30

All right.

SPEAKER_04 25:31

Okay. If this was a number on a football player, would it be one of the big guys a linebacker?

SPEAKER_01 26:01

If this was on okay.

SPEAKER_05 26:14

Okay, boom.

SPEAKER_01 26:14

Put it like this in. If I had a three in front of all of this, a three and a period. In front of all of this. Like a gas price. Would I be happy?

SPEAKER_05 26:32

With the gas price? Yeah. Okay. All right. All right, good. Okay, go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 26:48

Um, I got a good question.

SPEAKER_04 26:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 26:56

Is this number greater than the year I was born?

SPEAKER_01 27:01

Um. Well, okay, yes, but that's it's a yes or no. Listen. If you was born in this year.

SPEAKER_03 27:16

No, that's not what I ate.

SPEAKER_01 27:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 27:18

Is this number greater than the year I was born?

SPEAKER_01 27:22

Okay. Foolery.

SPEAKER_03 27:24

He's trying to be tricky. It's yes or no.

SPEAKER_01 27:27

It's not.

SPEAKER_03 27:28

Okay. I was only born one year. I wasn't born multiple years.

SPEAKER_01 27:31

But I'm saying, if you were born in a certain year, right?

SPEAKER_03 27:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:35

And then if you was talking about birth years, then the number, the lower the number, the greater is gonna be the age of the person.

SPEAKER_03 27:42

Oh, but that's not what I was talking about.

SPEAKER_01 27:44

Right.

SPEAKER_04 27:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 27:47

Alright, is it my turn now? Yeah. Then you made me forget what I was gonna say. Um oh shoot, hold on. I looked at you and you said something, and then I was gonna say Okay, here it is. Um could you do Oh, I got a good question. Could you do this many um squats holding a uh I'll say holding um uh 30-pound kettlebell?

SPEAKER_03 28:21

Yeah, I could.

SPEAKER_01 28:22

Okay. All right, in a row.

SPEAKER_03 28:25

But I'm in shape.

SPEAKER_01 28:26

In a row.

SPEAKER_03 28:28

In a row?

SPEAKER_01 28:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:29

Oh no.

SPEAKER_01 28:30

Ain't nobody talking about sets.

SPEAKER_03 28:33

I probably could do it in a row.

SPEAKER_01 28:35

Yeah, I could. You add up from now. Last year to now already did it.

SPEAKER_03 28:40

All right, I have a question. No, I forgot it.

SPEAKER_01 28:48

So we got two more questions, then we got a guess. And we get three guesses to get to our numbers.

SPEAKER_03 28:52

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_05 28:54

Dang it, what was my question?

SPEAKER_03 29:04

This number that's here, you know when I can't retire, right?

SPEAKER_04 29:09

Is it greater than the age I can retire at? It is? Okay.

SPEAKER_03 29:18

All right, am I guessing yet?

SPEAKER_01 29:20

Not yet. You got you got one more question. All right, so this number here.

SPEAKER_03 29:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:27

Am I almost there?

SPEAKER_03 29:28

Well yeah, there, where are you going?

SPEAKER_01 29:30

My age. What age? At this number here.

SPEAKER_03 29:34

What age?

SPEAKER_01 29:35

Am I almost there now?

SPEAKER_03 29:36

There, where? To this age. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 29:40

Y'all help her. Am I almost at the age? Okay. Now, now, right, all right.

SPEAKER_03 29:46

I'm ready to guess.

SPEAKER_01 29:47

You ready to guess? Yeah. You don't want no more numbers?

SPEAKER_03 29:50

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 29:50

Okay, all right. So you get you get three guesses. I'm gonna say higher, lower, or whatever.

SPEAKER_03 29:57

Sixty-nine.

SPEAKER_01 29:58

Right on it.

SPEAKER_03 29:59

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 30:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 30:00

What's your number?

SPEAKER_01 30:02

Eighty-eight.

SPEAKER_03 30:03

Nope.

SPEAKER_01 30:04

How lower?

SPEAKER_05 30:05

Lower. Um seventy-three.

SPEAKER_04 30:09

Lower.

SPEAKER_05 30:12

Sixty-six.

SPEAKER_04 30:13

No. Look at it.

SPEAKER_01 30:34

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 30:36

Isn't that crazy?

SPEAKER_01 30:37

Hey, we say we in tune. Y'all seen it with your own eyes. Hey, we in tune.

SPEAKER_02 30:43

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 30:45

I'm good with that. What's the I'ma have to speed it up, do a little speed up version when we edit it. We will clip that part only and you speed it up on um what's name? Okay, go ahead.

AI Dating And Emotional Attachment

SPEAKER_03 30:56

All right. So the next thing is I saw an article, and it caught my eye because it was talking about AI dating.

SPEAKER_06 31:05

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 31:05

Um, it was saying that there's this company um that does AI dating, and um they're now on the look or the hunt for AI companionship therapist.

SPEAKER_06 31:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 31:25

Because people are having a hard time. So it says the tech radar article explores something that sounds futuristic, but it's already happening. People are forming serious emotional and romantic attachments to AI companions, and some are now struggling with the emotional consequences. AI companion platform, um, Eva AI is even hiring what it calls the world's first AI companionship therapist who can charge up to $200 per session. The therapist would help people work through emotional issues connected to their AI relationships. So here's some data about um how you get the job. No, just about what's going on with it. Oh so um Ava or Eva, it's E V-A. That's Eva. Yeah. Eva AI surveyed 1,000 adults who have AI partners and found 63% hide their AI relationship because they're afraid of being judged. Right. 72% which therapists specialize in AI relationships.

SPEAKER_06 32:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 32:28

68% say an argument with their AI affects the rest of their day. One in three experience jealousy knowing their AI companion talks to other people. Four out of five say their AI understood them better than a human they were dating. And six out of ten believe an AI relationship can be as serious as a human relationship.

SPEAKER_07 32:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 32:54

Um, and why do people become attached? They said the article discusses that Eliza, the Eliza effect, our tendency to attribute human emotions and understanding to computers. And today's AI is far more convincing than the original Eliza program from the 1960s. AI companions can listen, respond empathetically, remember information, and provide seemingly endless attention and validation. Okay. And the psychotherapist Jane Bronson, um, Eva AI's relationship expert, says some people may turn to AI because they don't feel seen, heard, listened to, validated, or understood in their human relationships. Social anxiety and social awkwardness can also contribute. So who do you think uses AI relationships the most?

SPEAKER_01 33:45

Um basement dwellers.

SPEAKER_03 33:47

Um gender.

SPEAKER_01 33:49

Um male basement dwellers.

SPEAKER_03 33:51

Well, I don't know about basement dwellers because it did not say that.

SPEAKER_06 33:54

Close the door, Mom! Get out here.

SPEAKER_01 33:57

Those guys.

SPEAKER_03 33:58

Uh well, it's mostly males.

SPEAKER_01 34:03

Yep. Um they lift their armor like this in the shirt show. Stone they show that.

SPEAKER_03 34:10

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 34:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:11

So some of these people are married that are doing this. Oh. So if you're married but secretly maintaining an intimate relationship with an AI companion, is that cheating?

SPEAKER_01 34:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:22

You think it's cheating?

SPEAKER_01 34:23

I think it is mentally. Yeah. Because all your emotions, your emotions are tied to your mental. If it would so you're the the emotions that you're giving them are it's like it's a spiritual drain. Those emotions. Now, now you've you've received what you needed from that person, from that that AI. So you don't have that to give to your spouse because you're already giving it away.

SPEAKER_03 34:47

So I think that would, I'm, I think that's the same. I agree with you. Because I think that over time, just like a real person, of course. That you would withdraw yourself from that person. But what would be most challenging is how they wouldn't even know.

SPEAKER_01 35:06

Like who wouldn't know?

SPEAKER_03 35:08

Your spouse. It'd be very hard to determine like what that is. You know, they'd probably be looking around, trying to think if you're with another woman. Yeah, you're going this and that.

SPEAKER_01 35:16

They'll know something's wrong. Yeah. But they wouldn't know what pinpoint, because I can't, you're not going with anybody. Your clothes ain't coming home smelling like perfume. You know, you're not buying plan B and condoms, so something's something's happening, you know what I'm saying? So unless you start buying compute computer uh McAfee, so because afraid you got a computer buyer for having sex with an unprotected computer.

SPEAKER_03 35:42

So okay, so why do you think they create this emotional connection or the need for this emotional connection when they do have a spouse? I understand the part of the social awkwardness and that connection. But what would make somebody who is married and has a human connection or girlfriend, what would why do you feel like they need?

SPEAKER_01 36:08

Because AI is, what is the power of AI? Where does the power, the true power, lie in AI?

SPEAKER_03 36:15

The connection?

SPEAKER_01 36:16

Not the connection. If I'm doing something on AI and I want an answer, where does the true power? The power is lies in the what? Starts with a P. What do you write? What do we call that? P-R-O-M-P-T. The prompt.

SPEAKER_03 36:34

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:34

So I control the prompt.

SPEAKER_03 36:36

Oh, so you can control what you control.

SPEAKER_01 36:38

I can control, right. So whatever I wish my uh physical person was, I can create that in the AI.

SPEAKER_03 36:49

But but that what's weird to me is that they, since you know that and you said that, they obviously know that they have created a con, they've created this conversation. Of course. So it's not, it's not something that a true connection, because you've created this whole thing.

SPEAKER_01 37:12

You tell them what you want. Yeah. It's just like a dating service. I tell you what I want, you go out there and find that person for me. You and then when you find that person for me and I meet that perfect person that I told you to find, they're saying all the right things. Oh my God, how amazing is that? That's what that is doing. It's no different than on the phone conversation. Now, now that I create a prompt, what are you looking for? I'm looking for this, I'm looking for that. And then we know once we give AI the prompt, it brings back stuff to us that we was like, oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_03 37:36

Oh, yeah, we did.

SPEAKER_01 37:37

This is amazing. Look at what it said. It said this, it said that.

SPEAKER_03 37:41

They said for the AI, like, because they actually look like a person or whatever. Yeah. But when they're showing them, because they still treated like a dating.

SPEAKER_01 37:49

Oh, so that's their image.

SPEAKER_03 37:51

But the image of them is like very vulnerable, very, whereas they said on it's completely opposite on uh a dating app because people generally post pictures of confident smile, right? That you know what they feel like will attract somebody, whereas in the AI, it's the opposite of that.

SPEAKER_01 38:12

Um so I can't they have to because the person that's actually going to AI is someone who is not able to stand, maybe look someone in the eye. Yeah, they need someone who has a little camera to make them feel like, oh, this is finally somebody I'm on a pedestal above. You know what I mean? That's obviously why they have to make that person vulnerable.

SPEAKER_03 38:34

That is really scary. Yeah. And so now when um I'm trying to figure out like what would make them, what do you think would make them need an AI therapy just to kind of get out of the relationship?

SPEAKER_01 38:50

I think, I think either they realize it's going too far, um, or maybe they're trying to my like too far because like, you know, their spouse is finding out, or something like that. Or some of them are trying to feel like, how can I stay in this in a healthful way, knowing that it's not real? Because I want to go further with this. Yeah. But there is no further. Oh my god. The only further I can go is, you know, uh continue to talk.

SPEAKER_07 39:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:21

You know, and put a screen protector on my screen. That, you know, because after a couple talks and some lotion, they're gonna need a screen protector. I'm just being honest. I'm just being honest. It's true.

SPEAKER_02 39:37

I know, it's true.

SPEAKER_01 39:38

Because you think about what people already do to like with porn and stuff like that. Yeah. They get engulfed in it and it's it becomes their everything.

SPEAKER_03 39:46

Yeah. So in some ways, it's somewhat of an addiction to something that can never be anything.

SPEAKER_01 39:55

Similar to like people fantasizing over porn stars.

SPEAKER_03 39:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:59

You know?

SPEAKER_03 40:00

But this is a little bit deeper.

SPEAKER_01 40:02

It is because this a porn star, you never know. A porn star, you can buy me, at least me to porn stars. Oh my god, that's such and such. Yeah. But this person is. Oh my god, that's such a this, you will never meet that person.

SPEAKER_03 40:13

So what do you think? Okay, they know when they start this, this is not a real person. What do you what when do you think the shift happens where they forget that?

SPEAKER_01 40:29

I think some people may not ever forget that it is a real person. They may say, well, I know it's I know this is fake, but it feels good. You know what I mean? The same, you know, just like look at the controller. We watch a movie, it makes us cry, it makes us laugh, it gives us all the emotions that life can give us because it reminds us of something.

SPEAKER_08 40:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:49

So they can hear all these conversations and it will give them all the feels of a real relationship minus the sex. Some people may not even need the sex. You know, you hear people say, I don't need penetration, I don't need, you know, you hear people who say they're, you know, asexual where they don't need to have, they have no desire, no sexual desire, but they have an emotional connection that they desire. And that may be enough for them. There are people who are married who love their spouse to death but do not want to have intercourse. But they would not leave, they would not cheat, they would do everything they can for their spouse, and that's enough. Intercourse is not even an issue. You know, so they have everything they need. But I think for some people, you know, it it gets to the point where in intercourse is something that they want. They start feeling those loins build up and they're like, oh my God, I gotta what can I do? And then when they realize there's, you know, I still don't get that, even if they masturbate or whatever they do, the desire's still there. And the longer they stay there and the more they masturbate, the stronger that desire is gonna be to see what it would be like if it was real.

SPEAKER_03 41:53

And so that's why they need the therapist.

SPEAKER_01 41:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 41:56

Okay, so what about they were saying, like, for some people with the AI, it may help with their social anxiety. Do you think it would help? It's like practice or does it increase the avoidance because it truly isn't like um um exposure, like exposure therapy puts you out there, but this is like not so it's just like saying comparing an iPhone to a Samsung. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:26

There are people who's gonna love this iPhone no matter what it is, and there are people that's gonna dog it out. Samsung, they're gonna love, some people are gonna dog it out. If you're with the AI and you're trying to do it for uh social anxiety, and it it taught you to be braver, it gave you words to say, it gave you the confidence that you feel like, and because you really want to go out in society, you're gonna go. If you're the kind that that does all these things with the AI, and then you say, Oh, I'm fine where I am, you're not going to go. What study do you want? You see what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 42:58

But I okay, so I guess the study would, to me, would say what would need to accompany the AI social awkwardness exposure to ensure that it doesn't create a space where it doesn't help your social anxiety. So, like what would what would what would it have to be paired with for it to have benefits?

SPEAKER_01 43:28

Yeah. If if you if you if the goal is to actually get out in society with a stronger sense of confidence from speaking with this AI companion, then one must make sure that they are exposing themselves periodically to society.

SPEAKER_03 43:47

So I feel like with that, I personally feel like I know they're talking about they now need a therapist because now they're a hot mess and they think with this whole AI dating, but I feel like It's a it's somewhat exposure therapy and then growing it out into the real world. So it's like starting here, going there. So it feels like it should kind of coincide with a therapist or somebody kind of guided for somebody with that.

SPEAKER_01 44:15

Yeah. But see, and that's why I was like, how much is it paying? Because they're saying they want an AI therapist. So really they want, they want, it sounds like they want a human therapist in the AI world.

SPEAKER_03 44:27

Yeah. So which tells us what about AI emotions and that's what people, that's what people always say.

SPEAKER_01 44:32

They say AI can do many things. Yeah. But it cannot replace true human emotion.

SPEAKER_03 44:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:38

That's one thing AI cannot do that.

SPEAKER_03 44:39

Body language, all the things, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:42

It cannot do that. It may show, like you can have an A perfect AI figure, um, and animation that could show a person looking sad, it may make you feel sad.

SPEAKER_07 44:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:53

But the true emotion, true emotion cannot be shared, even like on a screen.

SPEAKER_03 45:00

But I got a question. You know how some of the uh platforms for private therapy, like civil practice, like that's what we use, and it uses AI.

SPEAKER_06 45:11

Right.

SPEAKER_01 45:12

Do you think over time is that is is the the use of AI would provide that's what studies are studies or uh or I won't say studies, but um articles and uh what are those um what are those people you call uh those theorists are saying like the reason why AI was created is to be attractive to people to give them answers, but it has to steal from you your choices, your selections, your needs and your wants in order to get the data to create what it needs to create.

SPEAKER_03 45:50

Yeah. I I do think people still thrive off of human connections.

SPEAKER_01 45:53

Of course. Um and I think That's why libraries are not closed, even though we have um the audio audiobooks and Kindles.

SPEAKER_03 46:02

Yeah. Because people do thrive off of the audience.

SPEAKER_01 46:04

They need the feel, the see, the sense, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 46:07

I know it's kind of shifted moving, but I still think people do. Okay, so if there was a if if as a therapist, as a future therapist, uh-huh, if you were to move into AI therapist, what would what do you think is the difference between an AI therapist and a regular therapist?

SPEAKER_01 46:23

I think that it's also, I I think if a person is truly into AI, I think I'm speaking live, but I may have, they can create whoever they want to create me as. So on their screen, if they're if they're those Furbies, if they're a Furby, you know the ones that wear the tails out their booty and the butt plug, I could be a Furby therapist talking to them.

SPEAKER_03 46:45

They got a butt plug, though.

SPEAKER_01 46:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 46:47

You ain't never seen them. I seen the furries, but I did not know they had butt plugs.

SPEAKER_01 46:51

Yeah, some of them actually like they have that's what the tail is. They'll put the it's attached to the butt plug. Yes. Some of them are like that, yes. I thought I was all of them. No, some of them are tails, but some of them get real, like uh them Furby Furbies that be walking around and they like, yes, they have a butt plug attached to the tail.

SPEAKER_03 47:13

How do you know this?

SPEAKER_01 47:15

What what number I wrote on that thing? I'm just saying. I come across things, and I'm not gonna say, oh my God, what is this? I'm like, wait a minute, what? Y'all do what? That's crazy. But I'm still reading it, but you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 47:29

It's like would you be interested to be an AI therapist?

SPEAKER_01 47:33

Yeah, I would do it.

SPEAKER_03 47:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:35

Because if you're taking my uh professional knowledge, yeah, and I may sound like a robot to you.

SPEAKER_08 47:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:44

You know, it's like behind the screen, it's like the uh, what's my the show? Uh from your city, the movie. Dorothy Wizard Voz. You know how he had that veil over him and he was like, I'm this all this all. And they believed all of that. Yeah. But behind the screen, he was someone else. In front of the screen to them, it was whatever they imagine.

SPEAKER_06 48:03

Imagined.

SPEAKER_01 48:05

And, you know, I was whoever I was behind the screen. And I could do that because if they are going to really allow me to be their therapist and I stay in my professional um practice, yeah, being AI, like I said, if if they if I look like a Furby, if I sound like a robot, but I'm doing my professionalism, but that's the only way because they are so into AI, yeah, it's it's the same thing.

SPEAKER_03 48:29

I think that's quite interesting.

SPEAKER_01 48:31

It is the same thing.

SPEAKER_03 48:32

I think it would be quite interesting just to explore like that thought process. I just can't imagine like falling in love with a computer.

SPEAKER_01 48:42

Yeah. But they've been doing that for a minute. Remember, remember that show Max Headrum?

SPEAKER_03 48:46

They said that 1960s?

SPEAKER_01 48:47

Yeah, Max Headrum and all that stuff like that that we used to watch. People was falling in love with them. People fall in love with cartoons. That's why they made cartoons sexy. Cartoons were originally for humans. For I mean for adults. Adults. Yeah. Fantasizing about Bab's bunny, then what people call themselves Bab's Bunny.

SPEAKER_08 49:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:03

Because that bunny on Roger Rabbit, she's cartoon. Yeah, Jessica Rabbit. Jessica Rabbit. She was fine. You know, the bunny was fine, you know, stuff like that.

SPEAKER_03 49:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:10

So people have been fantasizing about stuff like that for that.

SPEAKER_03 49:13

So Furby's has been a thing forever.

SPEAKER_01 49:15

It has been a thing forever.

SPEAKER_03 49:16

Yeah. And I just learned, you know, just knowing about it, but yeah, it's been a thing forever. So, anywho, those of you out there therapists, this is gonna be a new specialty.

SPEAKER_01 49:25

Because they want therapy. Your work is confidential anyway.

SPEAKER_03 49:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:30

So you could be anything.

SPEAKER_03 49:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:32

You're helping your client confidentially.

SPEAKER_03 49:34

I'm telling you, that would be quite interesting and entertaining to kind of see how these people's lives are impacted by their choice in AI dating.

SPEAKER_01 49:46

It's crazy. And being It's crazy, like what's coming to light.

SPEAKER_03 49:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:52

You know, because you know, all this stuff a lot of times behind closed doors, you know. But now it's like what's coming to light because I guess so much is happening, people like, I need help.

SPEAKER_03 50:01

Yeah. And it and on top of that, I know the number of students that I deal with and know about who deal with social anxiety. This need is gonna go up for sure. Without a doubt.

SPEAKER_01 50:18

If you're doing AI and you're already confidential, we already do telehealth because people don't want to go in and let people know. Right. This will, I mean, it's it's the next thing.

SPEAKER_03 50:27

Yeah, it is. It's gonna boom. It's gonna boom.

SPEAKER_01 50:30

And it may be more money into it.

SPEAKER_03 50:31

So we'll be thinking about adding that to our practice.

SPEAKER_01 50:34

Come on, AI practice.

SPEAKER_03 50:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 50:36

They'd be like, what are you doing, honey? Why you got that green suit on where you know it goes with our green screen for our AI? Because when I put the green thing on, I become anything. Right. You know, you have to have it everything. Everybody wants me to be in order to do whatever.

SPEAKER_03 50:49

Ooh, can you imagine having group therapy with all people, AI dators?

SPEAKER_01 50:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 50:55

It would be interesting because it would be.

SPEAKER_01 50:58

I mean, it would still be like real because in their mind everything is real. But the stories that come up, you'd be like, whoa. Wow. Are you, you know, you believe this? You know? I would definitely have to say. But as a therapist, you have to be by unbiased.

SPEAKER_07 51:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 51:12

You know, um, in the moment, you bring a bias. We always bring a bias because we bring our skin color, we bring our upbringing. Um, but our experiences. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know, you had to go in there and be like, whoa, this is crazy, but this is cool. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_03 51:29

Anywho, I thought that was so interesting. So I chose that little article, and I guess you know what that could be.

SPEAKER_01 51:36

A believe it sister. Believe it, Chatterpa. That's probably a chat sister.

SPEAKER_03 51:45

What's her name?

SPEAKER_01 51:46

Chatterpa. Chatterpa. Oh, Chattopa. Girl, you over there looking at Chatterpa? Chatea. That's her name. Chatea. Claude already snuck, because I knew a lot of black Clauds. Yeah. They were always old and smoked cigars. Down there in photo. Oh, man. All right. So let's move on.

What We Need From Each Other

SPEAKER_03 52:05

Okay. So I chose this.

SPEAKER_01 52:07

And I'm gonna read this.

SPEAKER_03 52:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 52:09

All right, so in our life.

SPEAKER_03 52:12

Because we did not do the calendar thing that we talked about.

SPEAKER_01 52:15

No, it's we didn't. So we told y'all to do it. But it's just like teachers. Hey, we tell y'all to do homework. We don't do it, we just grade it.

SPEAKER_03 52:20

Do as we say, not as we do.

SPEAKER_01 52:22

That's right. We grade it.

SPEAKER_03 52:24

Don't do that.

SPEAKER_01 52:26

But anywho, all right. So, how about you tell me?

SPEAKER_03 52:30

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 52:31

In this busy life of ours, in the life of providing provisions always being there.

SPEAKER_07 52:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 52:40

And knowing that the mighty Gody God may not give us what we want, but he always gives us what we need.

SPEAKER_03 52:46

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 52:47

What is one thing that you need from me?

SPEAKER_03 52:51

What do I need?

SPEAKER_01 52:53

And it was a great question. Cree, give her credit for doing this question for today. I'm just gonna be the one that reads it.

SPEAKER_03 52:59

Yes. Um, I think I'm just thinking about how busy that um we will be. I'm so happy that this past couple weeks have kind of slowed down. The one slowed down because of Kimani. I had to go help Kimani. So I had to cancel almost all of that week. And I think my people probably realize, wait, I need a little bit of a break too. Um, so I'm thankful for that. I I mean, I'm not gonna, my little check is gonna be a little, my little extra check is gonna be a little short. But I think my body really needed it too. So um I actually am grateful for that, and I'll be will be I'll be fine. Um, so but because we're gonna be so busy, um, I think what I know that I will need is just connection time, meaning nothing big or major, but like like when I said, let's go get ice cream or let's go do like just something that's just that we kind of go and do. It don't have to be a long, drawn-out day, even if it's an hour that we go kind of do ice cream or we go. What's something else that we like to do?

SPEAKER_01 54:07

Um yesterday was great because you just went to Trader Joe's with me. Yeah. I didn't go on no Trader Joe's.

SPEAKER_03 54:16

I wasn't gonna go to Trader Joe's and I was like, I should go. And so I did. I got up and got dressed and did all things so we could go, and I still got all the things I needed to get done, done. So um so just so that is like just to make sure that we find a time to do something, even though we're so busy. So if it means like Sunday is our day, then we kind of go do something, or Saturday afternoon, because Saturday afternoons we because I know you're gonna maybe see clients on Saturday, but that will be the same for me. So even if it means Saturday afternoon, we just kind of do something that is just together, even if it's go for a walk, even if it's ice cream, even if it's go to Barnes and Noble's, just something that some connection.

SPEAKER_01 54:57

Some connection. Some skin.

SPEAKER_03 54:58

I'm gonna make sure we do that because this next, yeah. And I don't want it just to be like just connect for intimacy. Yeah, no, I know the other connection.

SPEAKER_01 55:09

Like I said, we have to have a touch.

SPEAKER_03 55:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 55:12

You know, because sitting across from I know just looking. But like I said, even when we walk, like if we hold in hands, if we're doing or we go to we can even do a movie date. Yeah, it's just something like it's the the energy transfer. Yeah, you have to do that. You have to make sure that energy is there. You have to connect, you have to charge.

SPEAKER_03 55:31

So I just want to make sure that we do that and don't be like, oh, I'm too busy. Because I can get that, I know I get that way when things get so busy, I'll be getting so task-oriented. And then, so that's what I need from you. So you what do you need from me?

SPEAKER_01 55:49

Um I mean, I could say a f a few things.

SPEAKER_03 55:55

Well no.

SPEAKER_01 55:56

But no.

SPEAKER_03 55:57

Oh, we only said one thing, so what's the one thing you need the most?

SPEAKER_05 56:00

Um I just need.

SPEAKER_01 56:10

I mean, you already give it to me a safe space. But I just I need you know, I continue to give me the safe space.

SPEAKER_03 56:18

How do I provide a safe space so I know what I'm doing to keep doing it? What does that look like? How do I do that?

SPEAKER_01 56:25

How you doing, honey bun? You know, honey bunny, how was your day? You know, just the little sm the small intricacies of that Oh, and I say what you did with your life today. Yeah, and just like the just the the knee rub or something, just the subtle, it's it's soothing. It's my security blanket, it's my um, you know, just rubbing the back of my neck. It's my you know, because you, you know, like when I'm tired, I'll go, you know, I rub my neck, I rub my head, you know, I'll be like, ah.

SPEAKER_07 56:55

You do.

SPEAKER_01 56:55

You know, it's just so just that is like it it reaffirms that it's good. Everything is good. It's like you know, like um in the movie Rachel. When um well, remember when he was blind and he couldn't do something, his mom was that somebody wanted to do it, and he was like, nope, and she was crying that she couldn't do it because but she knew if he fought through it enough, he would be better for it.

SPEAKER_07 57:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 57:31

Similar to, you know, I'm gonna be tired. You know, I'm gonna be whatever, but just to know that you were there to see me go through it, knowing that I'm gonna be better for it. Not saying that you, you know, could do anything about it, but sometimes just knowing it gives us the confidence. You know, like like you're you're teaching me how to ride a bike. You took my training wheels off, and you're holding my shirt, and I'm riding because I know you're there, I'm confident that I ain't gonna fall because you're gonna catch me, and then all of a sudden you've been let go a long time ago. But my confidence was there to know I can get keep going through. So on these tired moments, I just need that little reminder of my training wheels are there. Like, like, you know, you're there to catch, just catch me emotionally, just catch me physically, just catch me whenever. Um, because it definitely is gonna be a lot. You know what I mean? But just to know that, man, I got something home that is my safe haven. It's my safe space. It's not well, you need to hear them figure it out because I'm tired too. You know, which a lot of people get that from people. So I just I just need I just need you to continue to be my safe. I don't I don't I know I don't have to ask you, but that's okay, reminder. Yeah, I mean just I mean, you know, just it. Yeah. That's all I'm gonna do.

SPEAKER_03 59:00

Perfection. All right.

Coping Skills And Confidence In Fear

SPEAKER_01 59:04

All right, so mental health tip of the week.

SPEAKER_03 59:09

My mental health tip of the week is and I've been sharing this for the last week or so. Oh my god. Um my mental health tip is assess or reflect on what are my true coping skills or coping strategies when life is challenging. Because what I'm finding.

SPEAKER_01 59:36

Say it again now.

SPEAKER_03 59:37

What coping skill or strategies? Like reflect or assess yours.

SPEAKER_01 59:41

Okay, assess it. Okay, okay. Um, because they're working, it may not be working. If they're working, okay, gotcha.

SPEAKER_03 59:47

Are they healthy? Um are they, yeah, are they working?

SPEAKER_07 59:53

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 59:54

Um, because I think as or do I even have any? Because some um I'm finding that there are lots of adults who don't, who don't have them. Um, and they think, well, I'll just go to bed and wake up the next day, and that's how I get through it.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:15

Or they just mask it. And mask it and nothing ever gets better. So, oh, my coping strategies go to work. I mean, if I I work out after work, say, but you're not getting better.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:24

No.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:24

You go to work, but like, how can you minimize the instances of needing that escapism?

SPEAKER_03 1:00:33

But on top of that, you've got to have more than one. So there are people who just use working out. Well, what happens if you get injured?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:40

Oh, see, yeah, yeah, yeah. What you gonna do?

SPEAKER_03 1:00:42

What are you gonna do then?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:43

Your gym clothes.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:45

You cannot just depend on the one thing.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:47

That's true.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:48

So you need to so that is my help, my mental health tip is to assess and reflect on what are your coping strategies. You need to have at least three that are your go-to, and they can't be all in the same kind of realm of things, they need to be something different. So perhaps it is for me. I will say, like a run, a bike ride, it just I'm gonna do it. Um, for one, I want to be healthy, but for two, I just like it. And it just makes me feel accomplished, yeah, makes me feel good. Yeah, um, and then music. I think music is important for me in that. And for me, I do like to scroll. I I might scroll too much, but I can say my algorithm is positive. So when I scroll, I'm gonna get prayers, I'm gonna get motivational statements, I'm gonna get stories that say, oh man, look how grateful they are. Like it's gonna be stuff like that. So it makes me feel good. But if you're out, you need to know your algorithm in order to do that.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:53

You can reset your algorithm too. You can reset your algorithm.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:56

And you can reset it. And then for me, I think my other one for me coping is to make other people feel good. So whether that's through a compliment or if it's through a message to somebody, like when I do that, that makes me feel good when I do that for somebody else. So, but like, so what are yours? And then with that, once you assess and reflect, then you also need to practice those daily, not just when things are tough. So I call it the boarding your home like in a hurricane, so that when the tough times come, because we all have challenging days, you're already well because you've been doing a thing. So if you got to tap into action and get a coping, well, I've been doing them. So I can go right into action, and whatever is challenging is not gonna feel challenging for long because I've been doing the work. So that's my mental health tip.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:51

Good job. Good job. Mine comes from Adam Grant again.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:56

Um, when he said, develop your confidence in the fear as opposed to trying to gain confidence before you do the thing, you know, that's fearful or hard or tough. Um and what he did, he gave an example. He was um on a dive team, and he was said that he was not a good diver, but he had a great coach that said, if you really want to be here, I'll never cut anybody that really wants to be on the team. And so he said he could barely swim and all this stuff, and he wound up by his junior his junior year in high school, this is his ninth grade year, by his junior year in high school, he was all state. By his senior year, he was topped in the nation. And so he said there was one day when he had to dive off a diving board very high. He was gonna do these different um difficult uh flips, and he got up there and he was really nervous and scared to do it. And he was trying to gain the confidence to do it. And he was just scared that he was gonna uh belly flop or hurt his neck or something like that. And the coach said, Are you gonna jump? He said, I want to. He said, Well, jump. And he said, I he said, I'm scared, I'm trying to get my confidence. He said, No, you don't gain your confidence and then jump. He said, You jump, and through the jump, you begin to gain confidence. And so a lot of times, same thing with this uh podcast, I had the equipment for almost three plus years, four years maybe. And I was worried about it not looking as professional, not being good at it, not doing great. I mean, even still, you know, the second season, yes, we had a nice backdrop and all that stuff. The lighting wasn't as great. You know, we it took a while to try to even get the sound right, and it's not even there yet. Um, but what's happening is in the process of it, we're developing our style. We're developing our confidence. Um, many people were not great the first time they tried.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:54

Anything.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:55

Right. And but they continued to do so and became great at it. You know, um, you think about a bestseller, a person that writes, the get their first written anything. You can't say, oh my God, from day one they was perfect. It was probably, you know, it wasn't even legible because they were young. You know, they probably couldn't even spell cat, but they continued and continued and continued over time. If they stayed true to their dreams and their goals, they became who they are today. And so I tell you, um experience gaining your confidence in the time in the trouble. Gain your confidence in the lack of. You know? Um, start developing your your your wounds, your scabs, you know, your war stories. And before long you'll find out that all the stuff you were worried about is way past you now. And that you are more successful because of the fact that you just jumped in it and started swimming. So that's my health tip.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:00

So, in other words, just do it.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:01

Just do it. And like you said it, man. You know, just do it. So I'd say, you know, get into it, man. Get it. Go get it. It's yours. You know? Um, I didn't have my daydream. I I love this little band I got. It says, uh, never quit your daydream. And I tried to wear that little rubber band all the time because I daydream all the time. And it's so easy for me to quit my daydream. And sometimes I do, but Kree was like, no, don't do it, don't quit it. And God always shows me a quick reminder. You know, even when we're reality TV or something like that, I say, you know, I ain't doing no TV no more. Screw it, let me just focus on this. Something always occurs where somebody recognizes me and an opportunity comes up out of it. Always. Yeah. And so God put those things in my heart because He has bigger things for me even now. I know I'm going to be on television again. I know I am, and I'm going to be able to still be who I am, my true self. Every time I've been on TV, I've always been who I am. You know, and so that's even when I was in hip hop area, I was who I was a silly person dancing in this costume. You never knew, but that's who I am. You know, so God has always been there for me. So get into it, man. Get into it. All right, what are you grateful

Gratitude, What’s Next, And Closing

SPEAKER_01 1:07:07

for?

SPEAKER_03 1:07:07

Um, I will say I'm grateful for my experience at your school. Um, just the sometimes you go, you know how you can do well, but you go into some places and people don't want to tell you that it went well.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:21

They are so good at they they they pour praise on you.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:24

Oh man, they just really pour if you don't feel good leaving that building, you're in and out of that building. In and out of that building. I don't know. It got to be you.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:35

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:35

Um, but yeah, I was just so grateful that they felt like I needed, even though like Elizabeth came and talked to me after, but before that, I mean one of the teachers came in. She's like, I just had to come in. So it's just like the feeling of people feeling like they have to tell you, like, because they don't have to do anything. Like I do um, I do uh feedback at the end of the session, and they can offer that feedback there, but to feel like you personally want to come and tell me it's it's different how well um you felt like I did. Um yeah, I'm just so grateful that they felt like they wanted to make sure to come and tell me. Um, it really made me um ponder what to do in the future.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:23

Because you was like, I know I supposed to be doing something bigger. You are.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:27

Yeah, it really made me ponder that.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:30

That's God's way of saying, look, I told you, I got it.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:33

Yeah. So, anyways, it really did make me ponder. And so I was um, yeah, that was uh very grateful, and and I I do feel like God speaks through other people for us to hear. Like sometimes people say it's a whisper, but sometimes it could be through somebody else.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:50

Um, so anyways, I am grateful for that this uh past week. What are you grateful for?

SPEAKER_01 1:08:56

Um It's gonna sound crazy. I'm grateful for the car note.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:00

Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:01

You know what I mean? I know it's crazy, but it's like it's so I felt confident. I mean, just going to work. I wasn't, oh, I gotta dodge this pothole. I gotta, you know what I mean? Because if I hit something wrong, that bad boy with the Jeep, right? Yeah, and it's like I gotta do this, and I uh it just felt so comfortable. And I know God would have said no, because he's done it with our houses, like when we was trying to get a house, he was like, no, no, no, no, no. Yes, now's the time. You know what I mean? Yeah, and so I know he's doing it because we, you know, I didn't want a car note. Um, but yeah, I needed it, and I know it's gonna provide. He always does. I'm just I'm grateful.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:42

And you were still reasonable. Yeah, we're still very reasonable in what we decided on.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:47

I'm grateful. Like I said last time, man, I'm grateful for the provisions because he's always been provided. And he's provided like with that job, and for you to feel what I feel at that place makes me feel good because now, like, even when they see me, they see you, and they just like you know what?

SPEAKER_03 1:10:07

I felt the opposite. I felt like because I've been to church school before, and I know it was under different different leadership or whatever, but I feel like them meeting you, and even though they're like, I remember Kree coming, but I think the connection was different because it was like she wasn't just talking hoo-e-foo-y, yeah. Like that really is who she is because now we've met her husband, which I talk about in my trainings. Yeah, and so now they're like, well, that's all real.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:35

So she re that's what Elizabeth said when I was on business. She said, You you guys really are like just two of a kind for each other. So y'all are always positive, the and people just gravitate, you know, the to your to your spirit. And I was like, I don't know. She said, Oh, I knew it when we when we interviewed, she said, I knew, you know. And it just made me feel so good. And I feel so good there, and it just makes you it makes you shine differently. You know what I mean? It's like God, like, like he took off the the the layer of dust.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:11

You know.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:12

Because I think that sometimes when you have presenters and people who come from the district office, and I know people already told me prior to this, like the connection or however I connect with people is just they're like, you're great at this. Right, you are. But I think in your school, I don't know. I just feel like it just made it me seem real. Because sometimes you just wonder, oh, that's just she just coming here playing. Telling something saying, playing like that.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:41

Saying something, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:42

And then I think it made them really say, oh no, like that really is who she is.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:46

That is coach hair wife. Yeah. Yeah, I see them. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:50

Uh-huh. So anyway, so yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:52

Yeah, it's different. All right. So what are you looking forward to?

SPEAKER_03 1:11:56

Ew. Oh, I'm looking forward to presenting to the lovely ladies of Delta Sigma Theta Sorry Incorporated. Okay. This Saturday, I will be presenting at their mini conference for the Atlanta suburban chapter. Um, yeah, I'm presenting. Yeah, I'm presenting more self-care um for black women, taking care of themselves. So um, I'm really looking forward to that. I worked on a slide deck that is beautiful. The black women on my slide deck. Reflective of what they oh, it's just so beautiful. It just makes me feel good just looking at it. So I'm hoping the way I feel looking at it, it just transcends to the ladies that I present along with my good old information and and strategies for them. But um, yeah, so I'm looking forward to that. Um, I think all will be amazing. Yeah. What are you looking forward to?

SPEAKER_01 1:13:01

I'm I'm honestly looking forward to a break, whether it's if we do decide to go out of town, you know, one of the labor days or the break.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:11

Just, you know, just I just want to go somewhere and be lazy.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:15

Yeah, yeah. I'm looking forward to it. I don't know where, but we do have to remove ourselves from the crib, though.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:20

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:21

Because if not, we're gonna find something right.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:23

Yeah. I wanna Yeah, I just want to go somewhere and just kind of just be lazy.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:27

Yeah. I wanna I want a day of hotel only. I want a hotel only.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:31

And order food in? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:33

Well I don't know if we're gonna order food in, but at least where we could kind of walk to the food. You know what I mean? Like, cause hotel food don't be good. Now, Greenville was good. I would give you that Greenville was good, but I can't think of no other hotel where the food was good.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:47

I really can't.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:48

And so um, I mean, if you can, then correct me and then we move it. But anyway, um, I'm looking forward to just getting it together. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 1:13:59

We might go back to Greenville, because remember, we didn't get a good food experience. So we might need to go read it.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:03

The only thing we had was at the hotel and the sweet potato cake.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:05

And the sweet potato cake. And everybody was like, we're gonna do a better job. I mean, everybody said, Y'all didn't go here, y'all didn't go there. So we might need to do a region. Yeah, do a region of Greenville.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:15

So that's it. That's what I'm looking forward to. Um, yeah. Oh, and listening to Money today about his first day.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:21

Did you get to hear him?

SPEAKER_01 1:14:21

No. You already talked to him? You're a bustle.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:26

A taint. But I told him I'm gonna get off the phone.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:28

Ain't no tainting. See, well, I already knew you did. How did you know? Because I just know you. You can't wait.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:35

Yes, because I called him.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:36

He was like, mom, so you called the first, you called the first training time and all that. I just know you, which is fine. You went, you took your, you drove your baby to to work. First, first day at work.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:47

Yes. And then I told him, I was. Which is fine. This is why I told him. I said, Well, I'm gonna phone to tell me too much more. I said, because I gotta call you back and pretend like I ain't talked to you with your daddy.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:56

Right.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:56

He said, okay, my.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:58

I already know. Have your moment. That's you. You're gonna need that. So um, that's it. All right. Um, so ladies and gentlemen, thank y'all for your patience. I know we gotta get back on schedule. We will. Um, but y'all rocking with us. Share this one, you know. Um, and then we'll see you when we see you. This has been, sorry, the Refreshingly Normal Podcast.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:18

Podcast.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:19

I am Kifla.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:21

I'm Lucrecia.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:23

Yes. And um, we're doing it. Um 52 coming up for your boy soon. Yeah, we find on the two. Anyway, all right, y'all, we out of here.