Season 1 Recap: 4 Episodes that hit different

In this special recap episode of the Dennis & DJ Mental Health Podcast, we revisit four of our biggest and most impactful conversations — the episodes that resonated most with listeners and challenged us to think deeper about healing, accountability, mental health, relationships, fatherhood, resilience, and growth.

We reflect on what stood out, what we learned, what still hits home, and how our perspectives may have changed since those original conversations. This isn’t just a “best of” episode — it’s an honest look back at the lessons, struggles, wins, and real-life moments that connected with so many people.

Whether you’re catching up, revisiting old favorites, or hearing these topics for the first time, this episode is a reminder that growth is messy, healing takes work, and sometimes the hardest conversations are the ones worth having.

Because we’re not experts — just honest.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

What's up? What's up? This is Dennis again. And it's DJ. And so before season two, we had to do this, y'all. We had to do this. So uh the top four episodes on the same deeper uh issue, you know, it was pain patterns, trauma, and like staying stuck. So season one, we're gonna name, you know, pretty much name the pain.

SPEAKER_00 0:19

Season two just we're just not gonna name the per the people, because people can get sensitive about things. Yeah, we ain't gonna name people at all. We don't know. Email and Facebook. So we we're not gonna say no one's names.

SPEAKER_01 0:29

Yeah, yeah. Believe it or not, it's like dude. We ain't we're not gonna say nobody's names. We all know we're doing. Uh so let's let's uh get into it. So episode 10. The first one was episode 10, which was uh the cost of not healing. Uh that was a big one because like you know, pain doesn't like disappear because you stop talking about it, y'all. You know what I mean? And um unfeeled pain, it leaks into reactions, trust, attachment, you know, um shut down, overthinking. And, you know, example of that right there is just, you know, when toss not healing is just jumping into something new before you went through your healing period, or some of you girls say your healing area, your song crow area, your healing era. You know what I'm saying? It's jumping right into something new before you even had a chance to really just sit in it and just think about what went wrong.

SPEAKER_00 1:25

What if they know you're not healed, they stay with you and they complain about it later.

SPEAKER_01 1:29

Man, that's a good point. That's good. The point I think people they think they have like a relationship problem, and really they have like an unhealed wound problem. That's really what it is. Um but as far as people but you say as far as as far as a person staying with you anyway, pretty much, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:44

You're talking about, even though they know that you that you're not healed yet, clearly knew I wasn't over Burlington because I would talk about her. Yeah, she started getting mad. You know, um example, I you know, that breakup happened officially like in April. Yeah. So I was still going through a hurt period. I was heartbroken. Everyone gets heartbroken unless you're just strike cold. Right. And I started talking to tattoos probably the last week of June. And she resented me during a relationship for it, and she would bring it up about how you weren't over X, you weren't over Burlington, and you always brought her up. I'm like, well, you stayed because most girls that I came in contact with, they know you're not unmostly available and they leave you alone. So if you stay, you can't come back and complain about that. And I know there's some other things that happen about her lying, me lying, everything else, but you know, I regret not being healed, but I saw her as a as a I saw her as an upgrade. So I kind of ran with it.

SPEAKER_01 2:52

But I think this time around, after well, what happens is, and it happens to all of us at some point, if we go through a breakup and we just don't know, we don't know, right? We uh we just naturally kind of um we don't sit in it long enough to realize the decision we're making, you know, getting with the new person, right? We think in our mind, we're thinking, oh man, I got it all figured out, right? Like I know what I'm doing. Uh this person's gonna help me heal, but at the same time, you know, do XYZ. And guys, like, nobody's gonna help you heal. And what I say mean by that is like if you choose somebody, right? Like, they're not going to, they can be there for you in the emotional capacity way and be patient with you, but they technically can't make you just heal. You know what I mean? But they can definitely be there to support you, you know, mentally, emotionally, and things like that.

SPEAKER_00 3:40

You need to help my eyes heal, because I would tell you about tattoos, and you would say, like, man, I feel like you get over girls quicker than me, dude. Like, it's I'm like 85% of the tattoos, 85% to our glimpse of the pictures and just be like, you know what? She's really not that hot. I'm sorry. I still know like it's not even about her looks. I'm just saying, I'm looking at her like, you know what, man, it's okay. It's not even about her being hot because it's not about looks, but I yeah, looking at someone's pictures can be triggering. But you're saying can get over a girl and get healed within a week or two. So I'm gonna say something.

SPEAKER_01 4:18

I'm gonna say something. It took me. So it's a different thing. Still healing after a girl split up. It's not even, it's not even like I was getting over people quick, right? I feel like what happens over time with you, right, is like you start to realize, okay, I think when you sit with the when you sit in, you get a chance to think, okay, here's what actually happened, here's the things that I've done that played into this, you know, because it's not all one person's fault, y'all, right? It could be somebody else's fault, too. Unless it's tattoos, because it was her.

SPEAKER_00 4:46

It was the ex-husband, it was Sinclair, it was it was the it was Dayton children, it was it was Cincinnati children's, it was everybody, and now it's me. So you gotta watch when you break up with people if they're willing to take, if they're willing to be self-accountable during the healing. I know I did wrong with her.

SPEAKER_01 5:03

Yeah, it's cool. And I feel like, you know, number one, nobody's perfect. I don't care what anybody says, you know what I mean? People make mistakes. It's just a lot, it's learning from those mistakes, like we always say, and don't repeat it.

SPEAKER_00 5:14

No, it's a red flag if they talk to you, because you have a question you ask, you need to tell everyone on here, but if you talk to some person, females in our situation that says he was so wrong, da-da-da-da. Oh, yeah. They don't say they do anything wrong, and it was everybody else, right? Everybody else run away, bro. My ex-h husband did this, my other ex-busband did this, the guy for a year and a half did this. Well, the guy in four months didn't date me. The guy in six months started dating somebody else. And then I'm like, okay, when is it you? Or what did you do? Now it's me. You got me fired. He got me fired. You ain't getting me fired for my job, bro. You know what I mean? He got me fired. Like, and I didn't hear that. Obviously, I heard that from a secondary party, but she was a great woman, and I have a lot of respect for her.

unknown 6:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:02

But take some self-accountability. You did things wrong, you lied too. It wasn't just me. My was my lie bigger. Yeah, my lie was bigger. But just take self-accountability. And in healing, that's what you do. First, you play the highlight reel, though, because you think about every good thing they did when you're by yourself. Of course. But after that, it's the rumination. You gotta sit back and be self-accountable. I lied to her. I yelled at her and I took things out on her. I wasn't healed all the way. But take the responsibility.

SPEAKER_01 6:27

Yeah, and and guys, like, um, see, it that right there, him just saying that. Some a lot of people won't even admit that stuff. They just, you know, always this other person. They did XYZ to me. And it's like, no, there's some things that we we messed up, some things too in in these relationships. And you again, you gotta learn from them. You know what I mean? Not repeat it again. I know for me, uh, not knowing that time was, you know, just just for me, it was more so just not sitting in it long enough to realize, okay, here's the things that I did wrong. Let me go specifically work on these things. Instead, we just get into the excitement of the new relationship, and then we just, you know, start doing things and things just start unraveling. You know what I mean? So I think you gotta ask yourself what you did wrong.

SPEAKER_00 7:11

Because I think two people, they blame other people. And I looked at some things that happened with her, and I'm like, bro, lied to her. You know, I she asked me to meet her in person to talk, and I went to do it through text message, and I got mad and I broke up with her.

SPEAKER_01 7:24

Like, yeah, and so back to your point, real quick. You said I get over girls quicker. So here's the thing. Okay, you might be right. Like, the problem though is like, you know, I'm working through that, you know, and understanding that, okay. We I can't, I have to send it a little bit longer and understand some things a little bit better to not go a person. But on the flip side of that, basically, if you respect yourself enough, and only in the circumstances where a person just, you know, they're just not doing right by you. You know what I mean? In those situations, you already know what it's like.

SPEAKER_00 7:54

That's not what you said than me, because I told you I'm like, man, I'm still trying to get over tattoos.

SPEAKER_01 7:58

And I was, oh, and I was more so like, oh, bro, you gotta just just move on, just move on. Yeah, just let it go. Okay, and I didn't understand, like, you know, because we all got feelings and stuff like that. You're right, bro. I didn't think about it.

SPEAKER_00 8:08

But your brain is so this is something that I realize. Your brain is gonna think about her. I think about it almost like every 10 minutes. And I had to tell myself, like, all right, first of all, stop playing the highlight roll of her. Think about when she hit you in the hotel room twice in your face. Think about, you know, when she were the worst things you did. Besides hit me, besides hit me in the hotel room. Think about in short, I'm just saying that you play the highlight role when you're missing somebody, you gotta think about the bad things they did. And you gotta think about the gaslighting and the stuff like that. You have to give that some thought. I would say, yeah, I would say this though. Um you miss people regardless to some to some. You do um, and ladies and gentlemen, listen to this do not contact someone's mental health counselor and tell them that they're mentally unstable if you guys are split up. That's just so messed up. Like, like you contact my mental health specialist or my mental health counselor, and you tell her that basically I'm unstable and not taking my medication. And other things I won't name on this podcast. That's right. I'm glad I'm living. You know what, you know what really made me a vindication for me personally with that was I was so hurt I lost her. But when she did that, like a month later, it made me feel like, wow, I'm still taking up rent space in her head too.

SPEAKER_01 9:36

Still living rent free for some reason.

SPEAKER_00 9:37

You know what I mean? It's gonna happen. It was like a defendant moment for me. And yeah, just again, don't contact someone's Mr. Specialist, right? Because you know there's like 10, 12 Jessica's in our area. So she got to call all these Jessica's and be like, DJ this and DJ that. That's a lot of that's a lot of work. For if we would have put that in the city. It's actually crazy to be honest. If we just put that much effort in our relationship, we wouldn't have been still together. You know? So, you know, heartbreak sucks for everybody. And if you're out there thinking about somebody and and and you get depressed about it, that's okay. I the best thing I did was move, get to the gym, you know, go visit a friend because it will tear you down specifically.

SPEAKER_01 10:18

And actually, that's part of healing. If you think about it, that's all part of healing. I know for me, as part of healing was the gym was a big one. The gym was definitely a big one. Um now we we you know, we didn't tell y'all before we are a diesel, we like working out and stuff, you know what I'm saying? We're gonna, this is part of being successful in life. Yeah, we this part of being successful in life. This is what you gotta do. But that's part of healing, y'all. So if you don't, if you don't heal it though, you you just you're gonna keep living it.

SPEAKER_00 10:42

So But how you gonna be, listen, how you gonna be a pediatric nurse practitioner and not want to date somebody with kids? I don't know. That's like being a coach but not want to date somebody who plays a sport, bro. Like, what's up with that?

SPEAKER_01 10:57

Like, I Well, you're a basketball coach, but you don't wanna you don't want to coach, you don't like your your girlfriend, you're a basketball coach, but you don't like your girlfriend who coaches kids on the basketball team. Right. It's like you're a basketball coach, you know yourself.

SPEAKER_00 11:12

I think that's what hurt me the most with the situation, because I we have little kids and just healing hurts. Because you know, she basically said this, and I know I don't really want to put this out there, but my ex told me that I was going through a tough period. I lost my dog. I lost the best friend to suicide. I lost friends in the military to suicide. And my ex basically said, I could be the 13th reason why you kill yourself. And I'm like, Did you really just say that? Yeah, I don't know. And she said that, and I couldn't believe that. It was one of the most hurtful things I I heard I heard in my life for her to tell me to be a pediatric NP, to be an instructor at a university, tell me that I could be the 13 reason why, and if I really want to do it, I would do it. If anything, that made me work harder in powerlifting and being a parent. And then uh third days later, she's calling my mental health professional. It don't add up. So it doesn't when people say things to you, and this is something I learned from you, Dennis. People are gonna say things to you. Don't let your decision making be on the whims of neurochemistry and neuroscience, because I made a mistake after she told me that that I regret, that I worked through with my healing because I reacted to what she said. And I had to forgive myself for it. Now, if somebody says something like that to you, they need to kick rocks. And obviously, some things happened to her that were that I didn't want to happen to her, but I'm not gonna cry about it. But at the end of the day, there's some things that people say to you that you have to heal from. And you have to understand we're just people and we're doing the best we can. That's it.

SPEAKER_01 12:48

That's it. And, you know, again, it's it's part of putting in the work, y'all. As we went on that episode, we just went hard on just putting the work. So again, you do if you don't heal it, it's gonna keep staying there until you address it, you know. So episode three, uh, breaking the cycle. Now, this was an important one. I actually like this one because it really made us think, you know, when we did that episode, uh, some of what we call personality is inherited survival. You know what I mean? So, you know, like you talk about silence, chaos, you know, um, some of y'all's family used to be going through like criticism, distance, get, you know, like normalizing families. Um that was a that was interesting because it made us think real hard and go like, man, we really dealt with some of this growing up. And then we started playing in our mind how we deal with like our, you know, I'm saying our partner in a relationship, or we deal with our kids, you know, um, it's like, wow, we didn't realize how some of this stuff was was just kind of playing out.

SPEAKER_00 13:46

So I understand my parents are fantastic people, and I understand they did the best what they could that they had. For sure. We really can't whoop kids legally, and we got our butts whooped. Got our butts, our ass whoops. Um 30 plus years old got their butt whooped. Right, you can't whoop kids now. Like you just can't, and we big, so we really can't whoop kids, but anyways. Um you get Adrian Adrian Peterson's a good example of that. But anyhow, um, and I love AP to death. He's he's that guy. But moving on, I was in a household where I'd hear my mom and dad shut the door and scream at each other, and I'm playing with Transformers and I'm playing, you know, offense and defense with them. And I grew up thinking that's how my relationships was. So when I was with tattoos and I was with and I was with Burlington, we argued and it was just consistent. And I feel like if I didn't argue with them, there was something wrong. I feel like I always had to defend myself, and I was always fight or flight. And with this healing process I went through, I had to learn to be bored. You told me, you were like, you gotta be bored, dude. You gotta learn to be boring. And even Chat GPT was like, bro, this is literally boring through this powerlifting competition you do. I had to learn to be boring and just be be persistent because the inside drugstore of arguing with somebody about, well, you didn't come see me. Because literally I would be on my way to see tattoos, and I would not talk to her for like 20 minutes. We'd be like, hey, come over. I'm gonna see you. Cool. Okay, it is 2211 right now. So she would call at 20, 2020, right? I wouldn't answer. 2020, 2039, I would say, hey, I'm on my way, tattoos. Don't come over. I'm like, it's a it's an hour drive. Yeah, it's an hour drive. It's our drive. It was just one of these things where if that type of stuff didn't happen, I felt like we weren't normal. So when we had that little bit of peace, I mean I probably love that girl so much. To this day, I still love that girl. But when we're at peace, it was the most happiest I was. But because I was used to seeing my parents argue, I thought that was peace. We gaslit each other. Yeah, but you thought that was peace, though. Right, her. You know what I mean? Like, you spray. She wouldn't apologize either. But my parents kind of predicated how we were, and I believe her parents kind of predicate how she was to me.

SPEAKER_01 15:55

Yeah, and you know, I can I could tell you for me, man, like that, that absolutely for me, the the attitude, man, and um, you know, just not learning to, you know, when you grow up in certain households and your mom just or your dad or whatever, y'all just you almost what happens is the person responds the negative way to you. You just do it back, and you think that's this is how I go. You know what I mean? Get an attitude back with moms. Now she may hit you your mouth real quick, whatever, or or just, you know, display, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 16:26

But I deserve that though, because I said something to her that was very I said something to her, to be honest, that was very rude. Basically, there was like a swinger couple hitting on us, and the girl was hitting on me, and the girl handed me a drink. I handed the first drink to tattoos. Her and tattoos were danced on the dance floor, and I basically said the tattoos like I got all them, I got I got like my Popeye own spinach and thought I was cool going to the hotel room because we we went to a burlet show. We did, she did something good for my birthday. Whatever reason was, I thought I was the shit. And I was like, I should go down there and mess with that girl that tried to holler at me. Right in front of the hotel room door, and she just lost it. I was like, well, hit me then. And she did it twice. So, like, to to be honest to everyone, like, I deserve to be hit, but you know, she tried to lie and say, I just tapped you. If you hit somebody, you hit somebody. Stop lying. But what I said to her, and we're both intoxicated. I I I I was out of pocket, bro.

SPEAKER_01 17:24

You know? Yeah, at least you'd be honest about it, though. You know what I mean? I'm self-accountable. She ain't, but go ahead and keep it. Nah, you cool. You're cool. You're totally good, man. I I feel like um the the chaos is mine, right? The attitude, the chaos. Because what happens is it starts showing up in relationships, man. Just not learning how to regulate yourself first, letting people, little things get to you, and they said no, you arguing with your you know, your person, you know what I mean? Because why? You ain't learning how to just listen, stop, take the information in, regulate yourself, then respond. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 17:56

I think that most regulation is a lot of barriers in relationships. Yeah, man. Yeah, dude. And ego. I mean, I broke up with her for ego. I'm like, oh, you ain't gonna, you ain't, you ain't gonna text me back and listen to it. She gave me automatic, though. Yeah, I'm like, okay, then we done. Because I topped into chat and I only told chat half the story. And I told chat the poster. They're like, you're wrong.

SPEAKER_01 18:17

So familiar, familiar, familiar, it doesn't mean it's healthy, y'all. Just because it feels familiar, used to doing it in the past with, you know what I'm saying, XYZ, or you know what I'm saying, XYZ, you know, your parents, whatever the case may be, like, just because it feels so familiar, doggate it's healthy, y'all. You know what I'm saying? You get into a relationship, whether you marry, whatever, you like me, you know, how I used to be, especially my early, my early through mid-20s, you know, just just arguing, arguing, arguing, you know what I'm saying? That just because I was used to that. So that doesn't mean it's healthy, y'all.

SPEAKER_00 18:49

So it was kind of fun though, but then I got out of that.

SPEAKER_01 18:52

Yeah, I mean, we were younger, you know what I mean? We get that, but at the same time, it's like, it was exhausting, even knowing how I like even I can I can literally remember times in my head. Like, I'm like, why am I arguing over XYZ? And I just won't let it go.

SPEAKER_00 19:04

But do you feel like you can spot that more now? Because I feel like after after my last breakup, I met a girl, like I told you. She FaceTimed me, and she FaceTimed me, and she had no lenses in her glasses, bro. So at that point, and I talked to her, and then she would like FaceTime me every time we talked, and then she started throwing me question marks and got an attitude. I'm like, you know what? This reminds me of my last two relationships. I'm not doing this again. And I wasn't healed at any point.

SPEAKER_01 19:29

In part, yeah, in part it too. Like, we've uh some of us have been there, including myself. Like, you know, now why now why is this tied to the cost of not healing too, even though it's just about breaking the cycle? You gotta heal to break the cycle. That's another, if you really think about it, bro, that's kind of what you have to do. It's like we gotta, for y'all out there listening, y'all have to heal to break the cycle that you don't even know it's a cycle. Y'all just doing the same stuff over and over in relationships. Like, why am I seeing the same person in a different body? And if listen, you know what I mean.

SPEAKER_00 19:59

I feel like I'm 85%. I don't want to see another dude, bro. I'm not wishing her well yet. I'm sorry to say that on this podcast. But you but you're getting there to that point. Like, yeah, but yeah, you know, calling them a counselor and running their mouth, like, come on, man. It was flattering, though. That's pretty cause, like, oh, she's still thinking about me. So I'm not the only one thinking about you. That's cute.

SPEAKER_01 20:18

That's really cute, man. That's cute. That's the tattoos. No, it's funny. Um, so no, healing is it's also just uh refusing to when you heal y'all, y'all just refusing to pass the pain forward for real. That's all you're doing. You know, so take that time to do that. Uh episode two, um, is love or trauma. Now, this episode here, I know for a fact, we even had people hit us up on episode 10 or two. And I was talking, I was talking to a girl, what, a couple weeks ago, and she was like, man, really episode two, I had to pause a couple times or really just sit there and I was mad. I'm like, that's good. That means she's taking it in, learning. Because it because a lot of y'all kind of realize y'all was in that spot. So not every strong attachment is healthy love, y'all. Okay. Uh people confuse. Y'all know what it is: intensity with intimacy. Okay, just because something feels intense and really sweet, you know, from the front, don't mean it's does not mean that it is uh healthy.

SPEAKER_00 21:15

Okay, but can't it be both? Because that's why I say this. Kentucky, trauma bond, daddy issues, mama issues all day. Argued, narcissist, Daffy Duck, Lola Alpha, Looney Tunes, all that into one. Tattoos, fantastic girlfriend. She woke up and did everything she could for me. And I don't believe that it was trauma that we were because I really didn't know about her experience until we got better. So I feel like but then it got traumatic though, you know, because we were hitting, you know, she hit me, I was cussing her out, she was cussing me out. So I feel like it can manifest or morph into both. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_01 21:54

You think it's both in your brain, bro, but it's not both because sometimes it feels deep. Is uh is uh what's dysregulating you the most. And again, it's back to what we feel is normal. You know what I mean? This is normal.

SPEAKER_00 22:08

I agree with that because I can tell you why. Unfortunately, I still love tattoos because she was a great person. She worked through me with my mental health issues.

SPEAKER_01 22:19

So you're telling me, okay, so you're telling me, let me make sure I'm in this straight. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, we cool there. But but um because she c if she called your mental, if she called your counselor, basically, right? And yining together, whatever, you trying to tell me that's healthy, bro?

SPEAKER_00 22:39

So yeah, because I feel like she she would wake up, she would work her little 12-hour shifts at the hospital. She got fired, but I should have said that. It's kind of funny, but listen. She'd wake up at two o'clock in the morning and send me motivation every day. She would make sure that she um she tried to have a solution for every one of my issues. She she was around the clock always thinking about me, and she was the best woman to ever do that for me in my life. If I could get back with her and we could work shit out and go to counseling, I would. Because I feel like we really had a love session. I spent 24 hours with her just in the bed with her, and it was just one of the best experiences of my life. So I do feel like we did love each other. She did tell me after two months, though. So but I felt it. We felt it together.

SPEAKER_01 23:27

But the feeling that's intense. Okay, but that's intense feeling. Now, what you do have to realize too is like these girls, and dudes do this too. This applies for dudes too. We ain't letting nobody out the hook on nothing. You never do, y'all. So, like, what you also gotta look at is girls sometimes, and by the way, we ain't never referencing all. You know what I'm saying? We begin comments, people hit us up, like, are you talking about all girls? No, not all. We're talking about personal experience. We're talking about personal experiences, life stories. All right, so a girl can show up, show you exactly what you like to see, and then leave the door and be a completely different person out there in the world, like the double life story.

SPEAKER_00 24:07

She had insecurities.

SPEAKER_01 24:09

So, so yeah, and then that's in your case. She had it's curious. I'm talking about in my case, like when I was dealing with the one, you know, shortly after you know, after my marriage, like a person can show you exactly what she wants you to see. Like, look at you and be like, okay, I know he likes this.

SPEAKER_00 24:24

You're meaning the representative for the first 90 to 100 days anyway.

SPEAKER_01 24:28

Still, you're right. They showed up for like, God, bro, they showed up for like a year. You know what I mean? I'm gonna show him like this here, boom. So when he's around me, he he sees this right here. Boom, when I leave this door though, back to whatever.

SPEAKER_00 24:40

You know what I'm saying? Me and tattoos have a conversation on the phone for an hour, hour and a half every other day. I felt like I knew her as a person. She knew me as a person, so I don't feel like that's true.

SPEAKER_01 24:50

Well, it's okay. So we're gonna agree to disagree.

SPEAKER_00 24:54

As much as I say her flaws, bro, she was the best woman that gave me more than what I gave her and was consistent at the whole entire time until we broke up and she wanted to put me in the friend zone, which I wasn't going down for. But to that day, she gave me 100%.

SPEAKER_01 25:11

Okay. She gave me love. Sometimes it feels so again, just because just because it feels powerful doesn't always mean it's healthy. It wasn't healthy. That's the difference, right? Just because it feels powerful doesn't mean it's healthy. And I think a lot of people out there, they feel so intense up front of the person. Listen, it's not to say you should have butterflies with people, man, but when it's intense, you know, and then I think it's timing.

SPEAKER_00 25:34

Because she told me, like, I wish, I wish we'd have met a different spot. I wish I met her now. If I met her now without a lot of people, that's nobody can't get it. But I did some healing though, right? I did healing. There's things different in my life, but I did healing.

SPEAKER_01 25:47

Yeah. You did the classes, you you read the books, you did all the things. So um, by the way, one yeah, real quick, if somebody says they healed, ask them specifically what did you do to heal? Did you, like you said, did you read any books? Did you go to therapy?

SPEAKER_00 26:03

What mistakes did you make in a relationship? Did you what mistakes did you make? What kind of building are you doing in a relationship to say what you did wrong? I lied. I basically was telling her something I knew that wasn't true, and I should have been hiding things from her, especially like kids. And I was wrong for that. Now she came back and then did whatever and was on some other shit. But at the end of the day, be self-accountable. And it sucks to say this on this podcast. I lied. I don't lie to you guys about everything else. I'm just saying in a relationship, you just tell things up.

SPEAKER_01 26:33

We just got we just gotta be honest. That's that's we're not experts, we're just honest. That's why we say that. We're not experts, we're just honest. So we're gonna tell the truth no matter what, because we want people to know. You're a narcissist expert, bro. Narcissist God. Oh my God. Season two neither here. I can't wait to go in. Season two. Um, I can't wait. But just because it feels powerful, y'all again, it doesn't mean it's healthy. You know what I mean? Um, so episode one, this is the last one, uh, before the healing. Now, people don't always stay because they're weak. They the wound is deeper than logic. You know what I mean? So the main thing is like people stay because pain, it feels familiar. You know what I mean? So hope is hope is powerful because pain feels familiar, but starting over is hard. You know what I mean? And I would say on this here, this is this is true because um when you're starting a new relationship, and again, some of the stuff ties in, the cost of not healing and and just or right before the healing, you ain't healed yet, but you're trying to, you're, you've met somebody, y'all think it feels good, it's amazing, whatever the case may be, and y'all you're starting to you start accidentally. What happens is without you even trying to do it, because you you because the patterns that you have created in this last relationship, they just spill over into the new relationship. And what ends up happening is you're gonna phone a person with a really good person who I met, you know, and they're like, I specifically remember her saying to me on the phone, P like, she was like, So basically I have to sit here through this and why why am I always waiting for you to to heal? Like, she's like, speed up. Like I'm trying to be patient, but it's like, dude, speed up. Like, and so you realize, you're like, dang, you know, the lesson is, y'all, you're gonna lose some good people in your life, not because you're trying to, just timing is off. One person's in a more healed place, you know, she was going to therapy and this, this, this, and the third. And I give her credit because she actually helped me get into therapy myself. And so you're gonna, you're gonna um before the healing, you're gonna end up getting getting with somebody and losing them because you're not at the right place. And it just happens, you know what I mean? It just happens. So man, that's hard to talk about.

SPEAKER_00 28:43

Um, it's hard to talk about just because I agree with you. But when I went from Kentucky, Burlington, whatever I'll call her, I don't know. But anyways, when I went from her to tattoos, I wasn't fully healed, but tattoos gave me another look on life because different perspective. She gave me so little that when I got a lot, and I wasn't loved bond by my tattoos. I felt like I could heal after that. Whereas when me and tattoos put up and I went out there and I dated, it was it was it was depressing. Like I went out with a girl, the girl with the with no lenses in her, in her, in her glasses. I went out with her. Like, that's crazy. And then I went to her house and her house was set up the same as like tattoos. And unfortunately, like I basically just laid on her couch when I cried because I wasn't healed from tattoos yet.

SPEAKER_01 29:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:37

And she's like, come to bed, Jeremy. I just slept on the couch.

SPEAKER_01 29:40

And then it just starts getting that. And it's funny, y'all, because y'all can't. That's kind of embarrassing to say about this. No, no, this was like, oh my god, because this happens over. No, this happens because I specifically remember the person I was referencing, like when that me and her dated, like I remember my thoughts kept playing this other person, and I felt guilty and bad. Like, man, I'm not even trying to think about this other person. But what y'all gonna notice, y'all, is until you, again, until you start learning to do that self-work, you know what I mean? You're gonna have those thoughts of that last person, especially if it's kind of fresh too, you know. You just gonna have them thoughts in your head, and you you be sitting there at a dinner with a with a person. You're trying to get a deep relationship with them, you're trying to have a good foundation with them, you're trying to do all the things, and then you realize a thought comes across your face at dinner. You like, or cross a thought coming across your mind, not across your face, across your mind at dinner of this other person. And you're sitting there looking at them, it's like, why in the back of your mind, like, why in the heck am I this person? Why is this person still my mind? And so, guys, it's okay. Time, time has to go by. It gets easier.

SPEAKER_00 30:43

Um don't keep voicemails, don't look at pictures. Oh, God, don't read text messages. I'm not gonna lie, I still have tattoos as voicemails. At some point, I gotta raise them. When I listened to her voice, it set me back. When she called my mental health professional, but it's I'm in therapy, like, yeah, I'm trying to get over tattoos. And she's like, Well, by the way, she contacted me. I'm like, what? So it set me back. So I got back from Orlando, had a great time at this veterans um sports clinic. That's really cool. Got my own video on YouTube. It was real cool, met with some chill people, beautiful women, be probably the most beautiful women in the United States, or almost in Orlando, or at least arguably. But when I got back from Orlando, it set me back to hear about that. And I reached out to her and I said, Hey, from chat, can you not insert yourself in my mental health? And that's when she told me, You're mentally unstable and you're you're unsafe, and I'm unsafe, you're unsafe with others, and blah, blah, blah. Don't contact me. I'm like, well, if I don't contact you in a month and you go and contact my mental health professional, don't you send me back on things? And I don't expect for your other person to care about healing. It does. But with the healing thing, what I learned is basically you have to just, when you have those thoughts in your mind, you have to say, it's a closed chapter. I gotta worry about my powerlift competition, I gotta worry about getting to work because you're gonna have those thoughts. They're not gonna go away. It's just how you handle them. It's just about the relationship. That's it. Can't replay it. That's it. Man, I wish I never broke up with her. That's it. Man, I wish she would have hit me harder in my jaw. Like, you can't do all that. You have to basically have to say, man, I'm glad I had her. And I'm not, to be honest, I'm glad I had her. I'm I'm thankful that she was in my life. I'm thankful that Burlington was there because I was having my worst mental health break in 24. I went to inpatient and they dealt with me and they did their best to help me through that. It's just that at a certain point, maybe they felt like they were a mental health caregiver. I don't know. But, you know, when you have somebody as a vet with mental health issues that understands you, because you could tell girls you got mental health issues are going to therapy and they'll leave you alone. So to have somebody stay by you, you don't want to lose that person because you invested so much to tell them about your issues that losing them seems scary because people are scared of people. People try to say they care about mental health if they don't have to deal with it. If they have to deal with it. So when you have somebody that you lose like that, it's harder.

SPEAKER_01 33:04

Well, people, everybody's done mental health in some shape, form, capacity. If you think about it, everybody is. It's just a matter of what it is. Somebody from the military. They automatically assume we're gonna have that. Yeah, that yeah, that's true. Then we start talking about the other thing. Well, there's things y'all see the other things, there's things y'all see though, too, that like other normal people don't see.

SPEAKER_00 33:22

So I get like And I mean, she was in the military. She's in Chair Force. Sorry for my Air Force listeners. I'm Army. You know, Marines say they're tougher than me, too. That's great. But I I really appreciate how she was patient with me and tried to do things. And you lose that person, you're like, man, who's gonna who's gonna be there for me? Who's gonna write me those messages at 0200 and tell me, have a great day, and you can be at anything and keep your head up? That's hard.

SPEAKER_01 33:46

But see, here's the thing, and I and I think this is uh this is tough. This is tough for everybody here, right? Just because somebody does a kindness of act to you doesn't always necessarily mean it comes. Just because for one, listen, one lie erases a bunch of truths. One bad thing that you one not bad thing, but one uh negative thing you do to your partner is could potentially erase five or six good things you, you know, that you she definitely kept for, and that's true. And that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_00 34:17

Remember every single bad thing, it's like the good things I did, she didn't remember.

SPEAKER_01 34:20

Yeah, it's like it happens, right? It's like I remember all these good things, but it's like this bad thing erases that. And in in my situation, you know, um, now my situation was different. It was it was more me than anything. That was that was the area of my life where I felt like, you know, um I just wasn't fully healed. So that person I remember called me up, said, hey, you know what? Just this is literally said, Pete. She was like, hey, I think, I think you're full of crap. You know, I think you got XYZ work to do, and I wish you the best. Click. Ouch. I was like, okay, she you're right. Let me go ahead and get to this. Like, and I'm not saying it doesn't take a female to get me to do that. It's just the fact I I so appreciate her doing it that way because it was like she was so real about it.

SPEAKER_00 35:06

I hated hearing it.

SPEAKER_01 35:07

You know what I mean? I did I'm not saying I didn't hate hearing. I was like, dang, okay. But I was just like, that's good.

SPEAKER_00 35:12

Like, and so guys, I gotta say, you're getting self-accountable though, if you heal yourself. And like I said, I'm not 100% healed, I'm 85% there, but yeah, nobody, I mean, okay, let's let's be real.

SPEAKER_01 35:24

Nobody gets in a relationship 100% healed. No, but thank you. So that's and that's the thing, right? So, because you hear girls out there like, I want a man that's healed. And us guys are like, we want a woman that's healed. We're saying we want a woman that's healed, but we're not saying you got to be 100% healed. Are you kidding?

SPEAKER_00 35:37

And then also not every guy's polished and knows what you want to do. And I feel like with tattoos, she expecting to be the man I am today. And I'm not that man. I had to get to that level. And girls want this guy who is already ready to jump in a relationship and be a hundred percent.

SPEAKER_01 35:53

Yeah, I know what you're saying. I know what you're saying. So people often leave y'all like when the cost finally gets too high. Um, you know, for season one, you it's season one is just recognize the pain. You know it's the longest episode ever did, right? Oh shoot, is it? 36 minutes. 36 minutes. Hey, hey, there you go. There you go. Y'all listen, y'all used to listen to podcasts, it's like an hour long, so y'all can hold up with us for 30, 30 minutes or so, right? So, but yeah, season one is recognize the pain. Season two is it's gonna expose the pattern. So we're season two, we're gonna help you guys out, exposing the pattern, everything like that. Um, for our um this episode again was brought to you by Root Fitters. Um, we appreciate the support. Um, they're excellent company to reach out to when you have any type of restoration and emergency to your home or business, home or business. So, hey, yeah, guys, we're gonna wrap up. This is a recap of episode one. We appreciate all the love, support, everything you guys have given us. Um, season two, we will be in front of you guys on camera so you can finally put a name with a face. Y'all can actually see us. Um, and we're gonna just do our thing and go right into it.

SPEAKER_00 36:59

Do not call anybody's mental health specialist if you break up with them and say they're unstable, if they're going to mental health help, leave their counselors alone. Do not contact their counselors. You said leave the counselors alone. They're gonna tell you. They're gonna tell you. So why call counselors of your ex or whoever you're with to tell them that the counselor's gonna tell them, they're gonna tell you.

SPEAKER_01 37:17

Again, that's what I was saying, bro. Every bad one bad thing, not small bad thing. We're talking about bad things like you trying to sabotage a person. You know what I mean? Um, we're not on that. We're not doing that to women.

SPEAKER_00 37:30

I did some things, not directly, indirectly, that may or may not have made her her. You can't make a person do anything. I'm not gonna say I made a page. You can't make a person do anything. There were some things she done that I disclosed that she did. And I didn't necessarily say anything. I mean, when I heard she got fired, I cried. I was gonna give her 10 bands. I was hurt. And her and one of her coworkers was like, don't give her money. I'm like, okay. I I felt bad when she when when things happened to her. I'm wishing her well. You know, at the end of the day. I mean, I say what I say, because it's we're honest, but I still wish her well. I don't know nothing bad to happen to her. It broke my heart when I heard she lost her job. Yeah, we obviously wish her. I'm not bawling, but I'm doing well. But anyways, we're signing out. It's DJ. And Dennis, we appreciate the love support, y'all. We're not experts. We just tell the truth. We might lie a little bit in our relationships, but everyone tells a white lie every once in a while.

SPEAKER_01 38:27

Nah, I lie in my relationship. I just said, we tell, we, we, I feel like everybody tells us a couple white lies, right? But at the end of the day, you gotta, it's built on love. You know, it depends on what you want out of life. But if you want a good, healthy relationship, obviously you gotta have good, you know, communication, love support, emotional intelligence, all those things. And every single situation that we've been in has bet made us a better person from it. For sure, for sure. We've definitely made our mistakes. So we we glad to be at this point. So we appreciate it. Signing out, sign out, looking forward to season two.