The Community Mic's Podcast
Real stories from real people shaping our communities. The Community Mic is where local voices are heard, celebrated, and shared.
The Community Mic's Podcast
This Is My Second Life: Roshni Kandel’s Story
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“I feel like I’ve lived twice.”
In this episode, Roshni Kendall shares her journey from Nepal to the U.S., and the life-changing decision to walk away from a 13-year marriage to reclaim her peace and identity.
Through healing, spirituality, and self-reflection, she found the strength to start over—and build a life rooted in purpose and self-worth.
So today we are with Roshni Candle. Do you want to tell us like a little bit about yourself super quick and then we'll dive into it?
SPEAKER_05Okay. Hi, um, thank you for inviting in this podcast. I really love your podcast. I'm Roshni, uh born and raised in Nepal. Moved different countries for my studies, work, life situations, and finally back here calling USS my home now for the last 14 years.
SPEAKER_00Awesome. Okay, what's a boring fact about yourself?
SPEAKER_05Um, I would say there are lots. Even though I I believe like only boring people feel bored.
SPEAKER_00That's true. I think everybody thinks they're boring. Yeah. Even though they're truly not.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, so um I have a habit of collecting old diaries notes, and someday I'll read and it's hanging there.
SPEAKER_00That's sweet. I never reread mine. That's so sweet.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. And I still have those. Um, someday I'm I'm sure I'm gonna read those, but yeah, I feel like that's kind of um other thing I would say if I have some time, I just like to read listen like 90s songs, romantic songs. That's amazing. This is the best music, not the heat heat songs for now, but like something old. What else? Those are good facts.
SPEAKER_01Those are good facts. I wish I started writing on diaries when I was little, but I didn't get to that until later in life. But I used to burn mine. For me, it was like, well, I don't ever want to do this or read it. So and I don't want anyone else to read my thoughts and feelings. So I I remember telling my therapist, and I'm like, is that okay? And she's like, hey, whatever you feel like is good for you, do it. And I'm like, thank you for validating that.
SPEAKER_05I'm like, I thought it was a little crazy. I have read once or twice. Um just like when I get time, turn around. He says, I I'm amazed how did I write the way of flow of emotion that time? I would do the same thing now, so it's kind of fascinating. But same time, I I like the idea of like just like you pour your thoughts and just relieve your stress, anxiety, excitement, whatever we had, and then maybe just burn it out and just like relate on that.
SPEAKER_00I love that you look back to it though and see how far you've grown and how far you've come, because that's nice to reflect too. Because sometimes it's hard to see what like where you're at now if you have nothing to compare it to. Because I kind of wish I had that, but I don't.
SPEAKER_01I don't either, but I'm okay with it. I think like I recognize it really well from where I started and where I am right now. Totally different people.
SPEAKER_05I have a plan to write a book someday. Yeah, journey, all those kind of things. I'd read it. Me too. I think thank you. I I think uh there is transparency, there is um all those honesty and all those things. Even they would read, I don't think they will read right now, they're so busy and all those stuff. When they read, that has to be a special time. You're not getting time, so I don't know how far they will. So that at that point of time, that will be still a reality unless there is a traumatic event and those kind of don't monitor. And I I agree that perspective too, but yeah. So uh let's see. But I'm gonna read, reread, maybe, and then that's so cool.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I'm excited. Like, let us know. I want to know.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, we'll see where you go with that.
SPEAKER_01That'll be really cool. I'm excited for that. Like, and I love to see, you know, especially when are people just like me that are coming from other countries? It's just it's amazing to to read their stories and like how I don't know how you guys are making it. Because I'm like, oh my god, they made it, I can make it too. This is fantastic. So it's exciting. Let me go on our second question. Um, and this is my favorite one. If you could be eaten by any animal, what would it be and why?
SPEAKER_05I would say a well. I I have two answers actually. Um, well, in the sense, um, because I love ocean, and then it's not painful, I love peaceful death. You know, it's maybe little teeth, but swallowed easily. Yeah, also feel like being part of ocean. That'd be also yeah, and other one would be the bear.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah, a bear would be a good one.
SPEAKER_05Mistakenly hugged.
SPEAKER_00I love that. Hugged to death.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_00I was that's a good way to go.
SPEAKER_05I love hugging.
SPEAKER_00That'd be a really good way to go. Just be smothered to death. I think my cat would be the one to do that. He just likes to smother you and lay on top of you. Uh-huh. He just smothers you with love because he's too fat. Isn't that what that's called, love? No, his name is Hagrid. Just 25 pounds of fur. I love it. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_05I mean, it feels too cute to beer um eating me, but um it would be rare to be beer being violent, so it would be a rare story, I guess. It would be a great story.
SPEAKER_00Like, whoa, that happened. That's how he went. Oh my god. Hugged so tight. Yeah, she would not be forgotten. Like that would go in national park history 100%. Do not get near the bears, please. They hug too hard. Yeah. Okay, so where does your story begin?
SPEAKER_05Again, for there are a lot of things happened during this lifetime. Lots of decades passed right now. But now I would say I lived twice so far. I would say first story I would say would be uh when I had a struggle in the family, society, political all the way back in my country when uh from Nepal. I finished my tenth grade when I was 15, but then um I started my undergrad when I was like 24, 25. In between, I just went to do my nursing married scholarship there. Did a political thing. Um, I couldn't continue after two years, and then again I went to India and studied um A-Label. After that, I was told by family, like, hey, why don't you just do the basic diploma here, college here, work here kind of thing, you know, it's hard uh survival, all those kind of things, even though a different situation. But I kind of listened to myself and I was kind of loving nursing, and I was kind of being very healthcare focused since then. So I was like, no, I'm gonna study BSN again, back to. So I kinda talked to my families myself, collected each person how much you can give it to me, it's alone. So I collected that amount and I went to different country, Bangladesh. Started my BSN. I also worked there as an assistant, got some money there, so kind of paid back once I came back to US, but basically, but until then it was kind of hard. So I feel like after doing my BSN, I feel like I relived my life kind of thing. So that was and now it's kind of ongoing since then. BSN. Also, it was good because it was um Canadian procept. So it was faculties from US, Canada, different places. So it was a good standard class, and all those um um learned the local language, uh, worked in a hospital back there in Bangladesh. Uh while I also worked there like 8 to 5, learning a new language, working in a hospital. They gave me a room there upstairs, like seventh floor, uh, in the hospital uh hostel area. And then evening I used to do my MPH weekends. So I worked, I paid off my MPS and kind of things. So I feel like that was my own decision that kind of relieved my life. That was one I also feel like my other important stories right now. After continuing all those, like got married to I just kind of arranged marriage back in our country. We don't know much. We get we are given some time to talk to, but you know, you don't know the full story until you meet. Even though I wanted to meet, but that was kind of consequence other things, so I couldn't, so we just had engagement first day off we meet kind of thing. So got married after my um MPH kind of finished on graduation. Long story short, kind of lived my married life, my expectation, my perception, my understanding, my background was totally different than my ex had married for like 13 years. But after 10 years, after sudden infidelity and all those different things, understanding all this that kind of gave me what am I doing wrong? And I I had to believe like everybody has a good heart, and I I was just like not giving up person and one man person kind of thing, whatever happened previous years, life, whatever. It's like once you're married, dedicated kind of person. Nothing but just I think our understanding did not go parallelly or something. Um did my best all the way I could, but at the end, it was like self-respect, it was a lot. So good person, yeah, I just had to live a healthy life. I try to seek answers everywhere. I did therapy for two years. I did spiritual learning and everything, but nowhere could be found whatever I tried, uh nothing helped if the other person is not willing to change. Or I mean we can't change others, but cooperation. And now I'm this is my rebirth and I'm happy.
SPEAKER_00Good. So do you feel like you're in your best life? Good. So then you did the right move.
SPEAKER_01You did the right move. You know, I didn't thank you for doing it. I feel like a lot of women, they stay and it's they're not happy. You know, I saw that just firsthand with my with my parents. I have seen it with my aunts and uncles. So it's one of the things like you when I see women like you, it I'm like, oh, because uh, you know, it it was really hard to just watch my mom go through it and she tried and tried. And it was, I mean, at the end of the day, it was worse for us, but uh it was the understanding of your daughters are also watching. You know, what do you want them to be happy? And that's one of the things like I have put on myself. Like, I want my son to know, like, I want him to be happy, I don't want him to stay somewhere where you know he doesn't feel loved, and we should all feel loved. You know, it's I don't know. I am really proud of what you have done, even though it that probably didn't seem like it at the at the beginning, because you're like, you know, it's it's our culture, it's things that we do when we I want to make sure that I'm doing the right thing. You had your kids, so I can understand why that was really hard. I think.
SPEAKER_05Um that this is birth in the sense, like it's totally changed me the way I used to see. Like I was either naive or silly. Everybody told me that if I was you, I would have done a long time ago, this and that. But I was kind of I just I I was trying to be, I wouldn't say perfect, I don't believe that word, but I was trying to be a role model to the kids, to the society, to the people who look behind. I had a lot of students who throughout my life career, so I wanted to do something that I don't even for myself, right? I don't want to look back and regret something I do. So, and especially for the kids, like there's some time you have to sacrifice suddenly, and so at my best, I did. I even lost 20 pounds while realizing first I was confused. It's a cycle, like you are in honeymoon phase, and something like it's so confusing that oh no, it's not thing. And every time you are saying sorry, even other person's mistake or this and that anything for relationship, anything for gets. Of course, I got some help during the time. It's not like it was totally uh thing, but it was not being a living a life, it was just like you know, roommate or yeah, not even roommate, not talking for months, and it started being years and uh very hard. Um, not getting help in little things, um, especially if it applies to me and little fight on uh financial and our society, our culture, the way I was in um I was grown up was something different. I saw my mother to be see study diploma at that time when they they were 13 siblings, and my grandfather was a businessman. They had everybody established my uncles, everybody, most of them are here, and like every grand, everybody that's very educated and you know, principle-based discipline, all those things, even that country. And the other side, hardworking and all those, but still it was kind of um a money mind, I would say, controlling, conservative. Um different things. I don't blame anybody, it's just a principle, it's just uh understanding if it is doesn't go, basic values, and once I realized that it relieved, and I had to, and I still tried. I moved, I tried to ask moving and changing jobs, places to help us ourselves improve. Nothing worked. I moved, I got a good job, I didn't find there. I said still we can work, let's do this and that, nothing, nothing from other side, and it then it ended up and it was all for good. And I see a little bit of of course it would look like a perfect for the kids to be with parents, but then they would they have started seeing the chains being empty, not complete. Maybe they were not able to see all the way, and slowly they started seeing, and I was like, before it goes too much. I think that made me bring back my confidence because I was lowered every time. I was like, you don't have confidence, you know, everything was down because that's how they dread because they also need healing, which is which they don't realize. I tried talking with his doctor, I mean so many things, but nothing worked. His parents, I went even I mean, there is a lot of stories, so at the end, slowly growing, growing again, second life.
SPEAKER_00Thank you. You've done so much, like and you've set such a great example for your girls to just regrow and rebirth because that's hard. Like that's so hard.
SPEAKER_05And it should not be like this, the way I was raised. Very lovely parents, love, respect, everybody has their own space and freedom, growth, everything. So I was expecting everybody to be like that. Yeah. I I was not. That's what I want them to see. Is like, hey, they're different people, even though they have good hearts, there could be consequences. See that from now on. Of course, we don't want to traumatize them or anything, but then also make them realize at the right now, maybe after some years, teenage kind of thing, then I don't want them to relive my life. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. Because that's that you know, that's exactly that. Was my thing. I was like, if we're at it was hurt people, hurt people, you know, especially when you you and you don't know how to deal with your own trauma.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, we have to stay strong. I think also being female, nurturing character, it's it's a lot of responsibility, and we can't give up. We are responsible in that regard. And we can tolerate some kind of other little sacrifices, but then if it is at a point you are you can't do any longer. This always and I had to learn the boundaries. I was never aware that I didn't have headache until I was here in the US. I didn't know what headache feels like. I learned so many things during this process, and I was like, I'm to trying to be a responsible mother, and all those things. So yeah, taking responsibility is such a big thing. I'm not blaming things for anything, but like um do your best, but then if nothing is working, do what your eyes, your instincts say is not right, means it's not right. And then just do the right good deeds, karma will come back somehow. That's our uh Gita, which is Hindu religion that says the only one thing is like do the deeds, do not worry about what you're gonna get, the outcome. And I think that's so true, so true. At this point, if I'm just doing the right thing, I don't have to worry for past or future, because if I'm not in my instinct, if I'm not doing wrong, then yeah, yeah. At my knowledge, right? It could be I'm not aware, right? It could be so many factors, but like at this point of time, whatever I know, best of my knowledge, if I'm doing my best.
SPEAKER_01And yeah, that's it. That's the only thing that we can do.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I'm starting to really get into Buddhism, and that's the part I love the most about it, and that's what I'm like really getting drawn to, is like your actions have consequences, and like it's not a big karmic scorecard. It's just you have consequences for what you do, and I love the way you said that. And I'm just like, that's what's really resonating with me right now.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I'm really into spiritualism. I grew up Catholic, and you you know, I'm I have a really hard thanks. I have a really hard relationship with the religion. Although I grew up with it and you know, just having that culture within it, I have been drawn more into spiritualism. I know that there is a higher power. I believe on it. I believe, you know, that everything that I have gone through, I wouldn't have survived it without it.
SPEAKER_05I think good thing is um having the religion is such a good thing. Whatever religion, it's all taking you to the positive side, being disciplined, and I think that's so important. Maybe I was not that much I I used to obey and all those things, but now this is my second birth. I get I think like this is so important. I do pray every morning after sour, and like that's my most do to do things and setting examples to them, but more in my peace of my mind. Like it's it's a treatment for um any kind of anxiety, stress, whatever you're gonna go through the day. It's kind of a ritual that just prevents you from further anything. So I I think it's such a good thing, whatever you believe, yeah, positive. Thank you.
SPEAKER_00As long as it makes a difference for you, that's truly all that matters. If it brings you peace, it brings you peace.
SPEAKER_05True. It's just a belief it was definitely was there. We don't know who we came from. I mean, it's we are such a tiny creature among what we have not seen, and we're just we didn't dislike exactly.
SPEAKER_00No, like you said, I literally was thinking about that this morning. This okay, religion has been one of the hardest things for me to grasp and deal with internally in my 30s, and so this is like actually a very like intense thing right now. And I'm like, oh yeah, very true. Like, I've been struggling with this so hard in my current life, like throughout this entire process of being 30, and like because it is such a corn like it is a cornerstone of my family, like my whole family, like that revolves, but it a big part of it is religion, and so that's just been something I've been working through as a person, and it's very it's not easy, it's not, it's really not, especially when you're struggling with your feelings towards it. So I'm glad you found peace with your spiritual journey to help you through this. How do you get there? Truly, like how did you get there?
SPEAKER_05So, as I was saying, divorce is not the answer, and love wins everybody. So that's how I was seeking, reading, and read the book. We have book called Gita. I read that, I just couldn't read all the way, so I just got the YouTube and summarized versus all those things from other people and just seeking and seeking and seeking more. And then there was a there is uh we have a tradition once a year, like a Durga Puza. It's like in October, like you guys have Christmas, and we celebrate that very huge, and then and there's a lady goddess who killed the bad man um the ninth day. And why did that happen? Somebody explained in the one of the videos, uh our spiritual person explained. We had so many in India, Nepal kind of thing. So yeah, and that was kind of hit me hard there. It's like, yeah, everything has a limit. God could just switch them and turn them to a good person. They gave chance, and every time they just took the opportunity and manipulated, and all this kind of thing resembled, and not in the exact same way, but like you know, I'm also a human. I'm I'm not respected, I'm not, you know, listen, I'm not heard, seen, or even like underestimated. All those kind of factors, and not taken as a person, but just as a supposed to be, you know, the conservative way of thinking. Yeah, which and those kind of gave me answer. And I'm like, there are good things in the it's just like and I was just just for my peace of mind, uh, it's just like if you chant, it's kind of a it's kind of a prayer, chanting, worship, whatever you do, it's kind of a healing technique for the and kind of anxiety stress, whatever you say. And that kind of guide me towards like I need to bring back focus and just like you know, and that's kind of leaned towards my goals, they don't have to really this. I just it's specifaki's and I just say, Come here, I'll just put you some tikka and then just worship, say thank you for everything. It's just being thankful, yeah. Yeah, supernatural power, universe, whatever you say. We just call as different religion, but I feel like it's just something supernatural. Yeah, without that, we wouldn't be and also another thing I would say since I moved, I didn't know what's gonna happen, and everything turned out to be so positive, everybody so welcoming, like you know, Council Bluff, I put them in the karate, everybody's so welcoming. It's five minutes distance. I didn't know before I moved to that apartment, and then five minutes to the piano, you know. No, everything doctors, every I didn't know. And the school I was thinking I would do the different school, but then happened to be Louis Central. Like I was like, maybe we could want it to go there. It happened to be right that apartment from that, it will be in school district. This is miracle. It's not I planned or it just landed in that way and then work too. Like, you know, people were like hired and fired, this and that. But I was able to stay longer, able to everybody loved being. I really love all care. Like it's my you know, first up kind of thing. So it's it's just meant to be working together, even though of course there is a challenge, but like you know, it was within the comfort zone of stress, nothing too much, and nothing I couldn't handle by myself. So that gave me like, you are great, thank you. And every day I was like, I need to just thank you every day.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's awesome. That's so that's beautiful. Yeah. Just recognizing like the need to be thankful.
SPEAKER_01Because we forget, we forget to be grateful for the little things, you know. We forget to I think like throughout the day we have a good day, right? But there's something bad happens, and we just focus so much on that one bad thing that we forget about the whole good day.
SPEAKER_00One person who does that one thing while you're driving can just ruin the whole good day.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Exactly.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, true.
SPEAKER_01All right, now let's keep moving forward. This is getting great.
SPEAKER_04Episode one, two, three, four. The conversation just flows, it doesn't happen.
SPEAKER_01All right, so who or what has been the your the biggest influence in your path and why?
SPEAKER_05Uh again, I would put God as number one. Second, even the God is there if I sit down, do nothing, nothing's gonna happen. So it's a support system. I would say if I wouldn't be supported by somebody, I would my energy level would not be that high. So my parents, my family, my friends, uh everybody whoever supported, even the person who let me see this truth of life, out of whatever he did, but that's I'm grateful to him too. So I feel like um if I have to name number them, I would say my mom, my uncle here, my mom's younger brother, he's a businessman, but he has been helping our family since we were little, kind of thing. He's always there when I want to talk to him. I even though I call him every three months or four months, but I just see having that in your back of your mind. My other family, my sisters are here. Just having safety in your head. Like I have good community people, I have good, you know, places, my kids, friends, their parents, everybody's so supportive. I just I just feel grateful to all of them.
SPEAKER_00I've met your dad and he is so sweet, and he is the sweetest guy ever. I'm just like I wanted to pick him up and stick him in my pocket. He was just that stealing. I just wanted to steal him. He was just the sweetest little thing. He was so sweet. But yes, anyway. So, what impact do you hope your story has on others when they're listening to this?
SPEAKER_05I would say um, life is a learning. Take that as a it's a journey. Maybe when we're a child, we used to think, uh, okay, if I get house, doctor, is my salary, beautiful family, I'll be happy. No, you'd be happy right now. Even in the pain, if you can be happy, you're the strongest one. Happiest one.
SPEAKER_02Oh, that's deep.
SPEAKER_05Wow. I love that. So I'm happy right now. I think um I forgot the question.
SPEAKER_00That's how how do you hope you're what the impact you want for with your story?
SPEAKER_05So I uh feel like um maybe I'm not able to explain well enough, or I maybe someday I'll write a book or something, but I I feel like my story or the my leaving my life chapter would make the make people, especially teenagers youngster when um they are kind of looking for the path, how to move forward and what is life, kind of looking for that thing. Then I I want them to feel like life is a journey, keep learning, accept any challenge. Every day there is a challenge, and that's fun, enjoy because I'm a medical person, so I would say EKG. If you see a graph, it's ups and downs. If you're a straight line, you're dead. So if you have everything, your parents gave you everything, money, Mercedes, all those things are there. You would not be happy or you are not leaving. If you want to leave, you need to see everyday challenge. Just look for the challenge what you're having today or tomorrow and enjoy that. That's the best thing. So I want them to see um if there is a will, there is a way. If you want to destroy somebody, you can. If you want to make somebody, you can. Believe on yourself. If you need support, get support. You don't need uh thousands of people supporting you, just need two or three, one or two. If nobody, God yourself is enough. So believe, do, and God will just start souring blessings.
SPEAKER_01Oh my god, thank you. Oh my, this is awesome. She's just so insightful. I love this. Thank you. I love the conversation that we have been having. Thank you so much for joining us today. We appreciate it. It's been an honor to hear your story and to getting to know you. It's awesome.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I'm so glad you came to join us.
SPEAKER_04Thank you so much. Yes, we can talk hours and hours.
SPEAKER_00Yes, it's very easy to do that with you. You're just so easy to sit and talk to.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, because the more like the more that you have been speaking, the more I want to know. Because I know that you were talking about like being in Nepal and then politics happened. I want to know more about that. Like in politics, was it like um like you couldn't study anymore?
SPEAKER_05Is that what it was kind of instability and like there was a mass suiting for the keen family, everybody died, and there was just this like mess around and everything, and we wanted to continue study kind of thing, different other factors. So, just like more I would say stability and continue education was not that easy.
SPEAKER_00Gotcha.
SPEAKER_05So it was rather I had families in different places, so just go and finish your study kind of things.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01You when you write that book, please let me know. I won't I wanna read it. I want to be one of the people that read it.