What Do We Do Now, Baby?: Catherine Steele’s Story

This Mother’s Day, Maria and Steph sit down with Steph’s mom, Catherine Steele, for a heartfelt conversation about motherhood, family, growing up, and learning as we go. From dairy farms and llama shows to mom guilt, laughter, and life lessons, this episode is full of warmth, honesty, and stories that remind us how deeply love shapes a family. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_07 0:00

Welcome to the Community Mic, where every voice matters and every story counts. I'm Maria, and I'm Stephanie, and we're your hosts. This is a space for honest conversations, community voices, and the power of showing up. Whether you're tuning in from your car, your couch, or your favorite coffee shop, thank you for being here. Let's get into today's conversation. So this is our special Mother's Day episode, and today we have Catherine Steele, who is Stephanie's mother, with us. So give us a quick rundown of who you are in like a minute, and then we'll dig into it more. In a minute is your elevator speech.

SPEAKER_02 0:32

I am Catherine Steele. Grew up on a dairy farm, was into music, taught music for See when I start saying about how many years I've gone through my work history. Makes me sound old. But I taught music for eight years and I w wanted to be at home. And so you can't be at home and not have any money. Yeah. No. I mean I married, so we had that, but I worked from home as a medical transcriptionist from twelve years probably. And then I decided it was longer than that, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_07 1:02

It was 2000. It was 2000 to 2014.

SPEAKER_02 1:07

No, it's 2015. I went back to the work real life workforce. So I worked from home before. It was cool to work from home.

SPEAKER_07 1:13

Fifteen years.

SPEAKER_02 1:14

Okay, all right. And then I became a medical coder, and then I went started working at York General. Uh and I was medical coder for like three years, and then I became director of my department. I've been at York General for 10 years, gave birth to two wonderful children. I have a husband, and that's about it. She has one.

SPEAKER_07 1:34

Like a puppy, like the llamas we have. She has ten llamas and a husband.

SPEAKER_05 1:39

The llamas? I want that's I'm excited. That's that's why I want to go to your childhood home. I want to meet the llamas. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:46

Okay, what's a boring fact about you? I was thinking about that when you were interviewing Justin. So my boring fact is in the 80s, I can't even remember if it was 86, 87, I was Nebraska dairy princess. What? Yeah, that's awesome. Actually, I was alternate dairy princess, but then in the little fine print, if you go to college out of state, then you have to give up your princesship. So she the dairy princess for that year had gone out of state for college. So I got to be dairy princess for like the last four months. But I gotta ride in a parade. Hey, that's awesome. Wear a cow suit at Oscar Harvest Days. Yeah, hey, that's really cool. I think that's funny. Yeah, my dad, I mean, I grew up on a dairy farm. My speech was about my dad. It was pretty cool.

SPEAKER_05 2:32

All right. I mean, that's awesome. I've I've never even heard about that. So now I'm like, I want to Google that. I want to know more. Um, okay, so as we have heard, this is our favorite question. Yep. And now now I'm really curious to know.

SPEAKER_04 2:45

Too.

SPEAKER_05 2:46

Yeah. If you're gonna make fun of me, no, no, no, not at all. We're learning. I I think I'm excited. If you could be eaten by any animal, what would it be and why?

SPEAKER_02 2:56

I would like to be eaten by a whale. I knew you guys would laugh, but the reason is I think I'm always an optimist. And so I think that I could just treat it like a little retreat and then be spit back out.

SPEAKER_07 3:11

Oh, then you're not being eaten. I guess you're being eaten. We don't say eaten and die.

SPEAKER_02 3:15

Yeah, you don't say eaten and die. You know, you don't say what do you want to be killed by. That's true. So you have found the work around.

SPEAKER_05 3:22

This is really cool because this is the second one that we're like, that makes sense. I like this.

SPEAKER_07 3:27

Hillary was the other one.

SPEAKER_05 3:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:29

There we go. Where does your story begin? My story begins. I grew up on a farm. My dad was a farmer, mostly a dairy farmer, so we milked cows twice a day. And my mom was a second grade teacher and cow milker, and then eventually she started decorating cake, so I got to start driving a tractor at five years old. Granted, I couldn't reach the pedal, but my dad would like put it low, and he'd be walking alongside picking up the fence posts, and he'd gently with his hand pick up the clutch, and then I would be I thought it was steering. Yeah. So yeah, I gotta go all the way down the road while he was picking up the fence posts and putting them in the trailer. So that was cool. That's like one of my first core memories. That's wild.

SPEAKER_05 4:13

That's that's really cool, you know, to hear things like that because it were not everyone goes up that way. So I just hearing like this is what I was doing, and now I have questions regarding motherhood. So how has motherhood changed your identity? I know it's been a few years, but how has it changed?

SPEAKER_07 4:29

Because for a long time you were just Stephanie and Mary Kate's mom.

SPEAKER_02 4:32

Yeah, that's great though. You l you make a lot of different friends, so I don't think it really changes your identity, it just brings out things you like to do. I mean, I was never like a hippie or nothing. I mean, I was I'm too young to be a hippie, but yeah, I always like to do adventures and that kind of stuff. I like to do arts and crafts, I liked music. So when I was a mom, we did lots of adventures. I was her Girl Scout leader, and we would go places. And and you hear people that say, Oh, I never got I never did anything like that when I was growing up. I'm like, oh my gosh, we'd make everyday an adventure. You know, even before Mary Kate was born, I was taking Stephanie on a little wagon and we'd go for pictures. Yeah, that was what I taught. So we had summertime, and we'd go for a walk and we'd pack our little camping stove and we'd go have hot dogs and stuff.

SPEAKER_07 5:21

I remember little snippets of that. Yeah, that's also little core memories of that. So it was just me and mom. And I would like to stick my arm in the Pringles can.

SPEAKER_02 5:29

Yeah, the Pringles can. It was always the same meal. Yeah. But we'd walk and we there was this like caboose, train caboose at the at the park in North Platte, and we'd walk over there, and that was our little picnic. Yeah, that's why she likes to do it. I think that's why she likes to do it. I don't know.

SPEAKER_07 5:46

We've been doing them all forever.

SPEAKER_02 5:47

So I just keep doing them. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 5:49

It's part of you.

SPEAKER_02 5:51

When I was in a band, my dad was a musician. We had a polka band, so we always did that. And I played at church. My dad always said, You can't go out with your friends on a Saturday night. God gave you this gift for a reason. So I've been playing it churches since I was seven or seven since I was in the seventh grade. And it was cool because all my friends were Catholic too. Yeah. And so we'd go to Mass on Saturday night and then we'd get to go run around, you know. So that was kind of fun. So I've been playing at church since, oh man, for like 52 years now. Well, no. I guess I didn't start. I would have been what? 15, 16 when I started. And then so, you know, you get in the choir loft and you need people to sing with you. So my girls had to sing. I taught a band for a while, so of course that was important to me. So they both played instruments in high school.

SPEAKER_05 6:38

How old were you when you were became a mom?

SPEAKER_02 6:41

I got married at 24. No, I got married at 25. I had Stephanie at 26, and then I had Mary Kate. I was almost 30. Wow. Just in the right age. Yeah, that's awesome. It was enough to have my own job, you know, and married. And we we were poor. It's not like we had a lot of money. That's why we did crafts. Yeah. You know, we never went on big vacation. Actually, we went on one vacation. We went to South Dakota. We camped. It was fun.

SPEAKER_07 7:09

Dad flung a booger at me. I will call the man out. We were camping, we were in a tent, and dad flung his booger and it hit me in the face, right on the cheek. I'm gonna call him out on this podcast. Robert Steele hit me with a booger.

SPEAKER_02 7:27

He didn't mean to, it was dark.

SPEAKER_07 7:29

He hit me with his booger. My god, this is great.

SPEAKER_02 7:32

Yeah, that happened. But after that, we got llamas. And so then all of our vacations were like at llama shows. So that was kind of fun. You know.

SPEAKER_07 7:41

Okay, so I have a question. Dun dun dun. I have to do things the hard way and I have to figure it out for myself. What is it like raising a very headstrong person who has to figure it out themselves? Because it would frustrate me. It would be very angering.

SPEAKER_02 7:57

Well, I'm glad that you haven't figured out my secret.

SPEAKER_07 8:00

You have to like you lead me to my own answer. I have figured that out and it still is frustrating. But it still has to be frustrating to watch me do it when you're just like, if you would just listen to me the first time, you wouldn't have to do this.

SPEAKER_04 8:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 8:13

Like I know it has to be frustrating when you have to be like, just listen to me. You didn't have to do this all the front. No, just stop. Like I know that has to be frustrating.

SPEAKER_02 8:22

But when she gets up the next day and thinks it was her idea, then I mean you just kind of have to lead the path where you want it to go, but let her think that it was her idea, although you knew what it was gonna come out to the whole time. So yeah, but I think she's a problem solver now.

SPEAKER_07 8:38

That's awesome. Have there any been any big ones that are like a big shock to you?

SPEAKER_02 8:43

Well, I tried to convince you to not get a dog, but he has been one of the best things that he's been the best thing to her.

SPEAKER_07 8:49

He's been one of the best things. I got him for Mary Kate. Oh, that's what you said. No, I did. I did. I had a panic attack when I first started thinking about getting him, but I got him for Mary Kate.

SPEAKER_02 8:59

Oh yeah, because it's like we're gonna share this dog. Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_07 9:02

We've been down this road with Llamas before, but no, it originally was for Mary Kate because I looked at him, I was like, I had a I had a you moment.

SPEAKER_02 9:10

I was like, what do I do with your dog? Yes, when Stephanie was born, you know, I was a first-time mom. I never I mean, I babysit you, you know, you have that fear that you're not the kid's not gonna quit crying, you know. And I just remember the nurses, I had a C-section, so I hadn't seen Stephanie until I'm all by myself in my room. Robert had gone somewhere, and I hear this baby, and this nurse is bringing this screaming baby down the hall, and I'm like, I was loud even then. She was loud from birth, and I'm like, oh my god, I'm not gonna get this baby to shut up, you know. And I'm like, hello, and she stopped crying. And the nurse is like, she knows your voice already. She's been there for nine months, she knows your voice. So you hold her a little bit, and I think she might have been in the bassinet because I still wasn't quite confident on this whole mother thing. And I turned to her. My first words to my firstborn child is, what do we do now, baby? It's all but it's turned up fine.

SPEAKER_07 10:07

First words to marry Kate are quite different.

SPEAKER_02 10:09

My little tiny baby, you were my first words to marry Kate. I don't know, what do we do now?

SPEAKER_05 10:16

Well, I mean, that's how it, you know, if I because I'm I'm also a mom and with with Axel, he's nine. And that was those were my questions. It is, because you're like, how are we going to do this? And it's, you know, if we're Isaac was like, it's him and I, right? How are you going to figure this out? I am going to learn how to be a mom to this baby. And not that it and I'm learning a lot more now because I had a conversation with my mom about like because she has three kids. And and I'm like, how is it that you were never like that with them? You know, and then she's like, because I was learning with you. So every step that I was taking was with you first. My grandma says, like, that's the reason why, you know, as moms, we appreciate our eldest kids more because those are the ones that we learned with. Because even though you have a little sister, she's learning to be a mom of a 30-year-old while your sister's 28.

SPEAKER_06 11:10

Yeah, that's true. She's already done the 28-year-old thing. So all of those She's never had a 32-year-old.

SPEAKER_05 11:17

Yeah. See? So those are those are the things. Yeah. So those are the things that I have been learning a lot more than just talking with my mom. And it's like, you're right. And when I have arguments with Axel, I'm like, I try not to. I'm learning, I'm reframing things now. I'm like, I'm learning to be a mom of a nine-year-old. I'm like, just like you're learning to be my son, I'm learning to be your mom because I I'm like, this didn't happen last year. So it's those little things that even when it comes to fighting and arguing when he's yelling and screaming, I'm like, okay, this is new for me. Because last year it wasn't this, you know, either it wasn't, it was, it was too intense. And now it's like, okay, what are you trying to say to me? Like, there's things that he talks that I'm like, oh my God, you're so emotionally intelligent. Like, how I even respond to that. Because I I mean, I never experienced that level of motherhood where my child is technically mothering me. And I'm like, you're nine, man. Slow down for a second. I still want to be your mom. I still want to do all of those things. So it's cool. Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_02 12:19

And so she'll call me, and instantly I'll be like, okay, try this, this, and this. Have you done this, this, and this? And she'll have, you know, she started a few years ago, like, don't talk, just listen. Yeah. And that's hard.

SPEAKER_05 12:31

You know, that's I love that because that's exactly. I was having a conversation with my mom earlier. Um, because my my grandma was in the hospital, and I was telling my mom, and I'm like, mom, I'm so frustrated. You know, I didn't know that she was in the hospital. And she's like, I know that you're frustrated. And she's trying to calm me down. And I'm like, oh, but it hits you differently. Like you feel that because I'm like, how am I going to be when this is happening to my child? You know, so it gives me that calming voice. And my mom and I don't get along a lot, but now that we're that we, you know, that she has told me her story and she knows mine, I'm like, I get it. You're human too. You're just like me. And, you know, you have been through this before, and I love learning from that. And there's things that I'm like, I wish I could have done that better. I don't know. It's just, it's very eye-opening when we're talking to our moms because I'm like, I didn't know that about you. I didn't know like how hard that was. Because for my mom, that's how it always was. She's like, no, I'm just trying to protect you from this. But then at the same time, I would be like, but I want to learn, I want to do all of those things. And and my mom would be like, I knew exactly what would happen. And then it happens, and you don't, and I don't want to see that happening to you. And it happened. I love hearing more on how you are a mom for Mary Kay and Steph. Like it's awesome.

SPEAKER_02 13:49

Right. And you just you're still learning.

SPEAKER_05 13:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:51

You know, you want them to do what you tell them to do. But when they're adults, had the same line told to me by two different people, and I did not want to listen. But I, you know, complained to my doctor, uh Stephanie. I don't know what you're doing until a college age or whatever. And he said, You can't parent adult children. She has to figure it out on her own. It's not what I want to hear. So I'm very Catholic. And then next week I was talking to my priest and pray for Stephanie, blah, blah, blah. I don't even remember what she was going through. The exact same line came out. You can't parent adult children. That's not what I want to hear. Yeah, it's true. Still can't parent adult children, but yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 14:30

You know, I I didn't have a supportive mom. So I want it to be all of those things for my child. So I don't know. To me, it's really cool to, you know, to see you here because it's like, this is this is what parents look like, you know, when you're in a in a healthy relationship and it's awesome. I love that. It's awesome. I love it.

SPEAKER_07 14:47

Supportive mom. Yeah. I know I have done things in my life that she's like, I think you should be doing that. And she's not a fan of it, but she still supports me.

SPEAKER_05 14:54

Yeah, but I I mean every parent is going to have that, I think.

SPEAKER_07 14:58

Like, I don't think my family was thrilled with me moving to New Orleans. Like they would have rather me stay closer to home, but they still supported me.

SPEAKER_02 15:05

But once again, it was that whole let her do her thing. So, you know.

SPEAKER_07 15:09

They helped me pack the U-Haul.

SPEAKER_02 15:12

We did not drive down there.

SPEAKER_07 15:13

Yeah. I drove to New Orleans with me and my dog in a 20-foot U-Haul with my Jeep attached to the back. It was just me.

SPEAKER_02 15:22

When we went down, when Robert and I went down to New Orleans one or two years afterwards. It was two years later. Two years later, and we get on that big old bridge, and I start bawling. Robert's like, What's your problem? And I said, I'm a horrible mom. I made Stephanie take a huge trailer with a Jeep behind her and go down here. And she was on this bridge at like 21 years old or whatever. I was 22. She's 22. And I let her go down. Oh, I'm like, we couldn't afford to go down there at that time and help her move. We sent her on her way. And we felt boy, we felt like stupid parents, but she survived. I guess I've said that quite a few times. We've let her do her thing and thank God.

SPEAKER_07 16:03

Like, I survived Spain, I survived New Orleans. She's fine.

SPEAKER_02 16:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 16:09

That's really cool.

SPEAKER_02 16:10

Well, unfortunately, my mom kind of encouraged it too. Grandma really helped me spread my wings a lot. I knew grandma would be so I would call mom and say, tell Stephanie she can't do this. Grandma would write me a check. Grandma would give her a check. She wants to go to Alaska. She's crazy. She can't afford it. I can't afford it. Tell her no. Before I know it, grandma's paying the stinking flight.

SPEAKER_04 16:33

I'm like, what?

SPEAKER_07 16:34

I I worked extra hours to pay for the other. Like grandma would tell me. She's like, if you can work extra hours to pay for everything else, I'll pay for your flight.

SPEAKER_05 16:42

That's awesome. You know what? Like, that's something that I have noticed with my mom. I have noticed with my son. So we had a stranded relationship for a long time. And this past year, one of my cousins passed away. And this is when her and I just started coming together again. Cause I'm like, you know, what if something happens to her or something happens to me? Like I want her to know that I love her. Like, I mean, we don't have to be in the same room 24-7, but I love my mom. Like, that's my mom. And so I've been trying to, I don't know, could get a little bit back while not allowing a lot of things. But I'm like, I want her there. I know that we have talked about this a little bit, but what is a piece of advice that you received that you actually ignored as a mom?

SPEAKER_07 17:21

That you thought it was bad.

SPEAKER_05 17:22

That you were like, nope, I'm we're gonna do this instead.

SPEAKER_02 17:25

Don't you can't burn adult children after all these years, it still sticks with me. Yeah. Yeah. The other one shows what a bad mom I was. You weren't supposed to let your kid fall asleep with apple juice, and we let her fall asleep with apple juice in her bottle, and she got rotted teeth.

SPEAKER_07 17:41

Oh, it was horrible. I have very nice teeth now.

SPEAKER_02 17:43

She's got nice yeah, she's got nice teeth now, but when she was a baby, well, we still lived in North Platte, so she was under three.

SPEAKER_07 17:51

We moved when I was two and a half.

SPEAKER_02 17:53

I think you were three because you were walking and talking, and I was pregnant with Mary Kate, so maybe three and a half or four. But before that, because I let her fall asleep with a bottle of apple juice, her teeth rotted out. We had to go get her teeth. They put in little spacers, but they put her in a papoose so she's not flailing around. I made Robert go with me to that appointment, and I actually had to sit in the waiting room because I can't go in there because it was so hard to see your kids strapped up. Obviously, the dentist isn't a fun thing, and oh, it was horrible. But she's got dice teeth now.

SPEAKER_07 18:27

She didn't do that with Mary and Kate. I was the training. Yes, I knew not to sleep.

SPEAKER_05 18:32

So I got the mom questions. How do you want to be remembered by your children?

SPEAKER_01 18:38

We gave them a good life. Yeah, take care of the llamas.

SPEAKER_05 18:41

See, even now, it's just like, you know, it started with you. Like that's that's really cool. You know, for me, uh as a daughter and as a mom, just learning those little things of you know, oh that that started with me. And even at the end, the one thing you still want me to do is like you want me to know that you love me and take care of the llamas.

SPEAKER_02 19:00

Like well, you know, the deal is not everybody has a good family.

SPEAKER_05 19:06

Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:06

And when my when my parents died, I realized how lucky I was. So I want them to realize that.

SPEAKER_05 19:13

Yeah, and that is it's awesome. You know, for me, seeing that it gives me hope. And I know that I also becoming a good parent myself, it's like I'm doing the best that I can, and I I hope that that love that I have for him is shows. Like that's that's all I want him to remember. You know, how much if he doesn't remember much, at least that he knows like my mom loved me.

SPEAKER_07 19:33

Mom would hug me all the time, and that is honestly a really big difference. Mom would just give me all these hugs.

SPEAKER_02 19:39

You know, you go to graduation parties, and this senior was sitting on her mom's lap, hugging her, and Stephanie was might be two or whatever. And I'm like, how do you get that relationship? I mean, because my parents, I wasn't from a huggy family. I knew my parents loved me, but I wasn't from a huggy family. Yeah, grandma wasn't a big hugger. Like, because they were like from the 50s, you know, 30s and 40s, they they didn't hug. But this mom had said hug her every day. So yeah, I still hug my kids.

SPEAKER_05 20:05

Yeah, because I thought that's how my mom was. My mom would be like, but when it came to my younger brother, and now I'm understanding her more now. We don't hug. My grandma hugs me, and I love them when my grandma hugs me because I'm like, oh, this is you know, you feel it. But growing up and seeing that, my mom was a nanny in California, so she became really a touch with the girls that she was she was taking care of, which is amazing. I love that.

SPEAKER_07 20:29

You get really attached to whoever you're watching. Like, I even I only took care of my girls for two and a half months, but I got very attached to them.

SPEAKER_05 20:36

Yeah. And then for my mom, it was, you know, like she had just left her two little girls back in El Salvador. You're in another country. I don't have my kids, so now this becomes my kids. So that's what it became in her in her eyes. So when I was when I when we came here and I was in my teenage years, I hated it because she was really close with them and she will hug them and do all of those things, and I'm like, uh-huh. But then I grew up and I'm like, I get it. Like I understand it. Now I'm like, I see her in a different light because of everything that I'm on learning too, because I'm like, I I get it.

SPEAKER_07 21:11

Can you share a time you felt like you were failing and what you learned from it?

SPEAKER_02 21:15

Lots of times. Let's see. Well, I left Stephanie and Robert for about six weeks and I went to Virginia. Virginia and I taught it. I taught like during the summer at a private boy school. We were very I mean, not very poor. I mean, there's people that were poorer than we are than we were. But we really needed that $3,000 that I kept for teaching for three months or whatever. Robert had to keep working. So uh we split up with Stephanie. So yeah, Mary Kate went to Bin. No, I was too. Yeah. And so um we sent her to her grandma and Steele's house for like two weeks. Then we'd send her to my mom's house for two weeks. Then my sister took her for at least a week in St. Louis. And I, you know, you'd get out there and you're like, Well, yeah, this is kind of cool. I'm off doing adventurous things doing you know, go get to go to Washington DC on 4th of July, you know, some cool stuff, but then you just feel guilty, like, oh my gosh, what kind of mom leaves her kid when she's two, you know?

SPEAKER_05 22:14

So how did how do you handle moments of self-doubt or mom guilt?

SPEAKER_02 22:22

I cry or I pray, you know, I was a child of the eighties. I probably could use a therapist when I was a child of the eighties. Everyone can use one. So don't feel bad. Everyone could use a therapist depression or sadness. I mean, it's kind of weird because there was a high teenage suicide rate in the 80s, but nobody talked about it before that, you know. It's like we never nobody talked about it. And I don't know. I guess then I just kind of return to my faith and see what other people are doing, or you know, there's always doubt. I'm glad I'm still married because there would be times, well, my husband works two he works days and then he works nights. And you know, there's times you're like, oh my gosh, I can never be a single mom. You know, and you're just like, how would how did all those single moms do it? Because Robert, you know, he would Stephanie grew up with wearing shoes every day because Robert would dress her. Mary Kate, I think I probably was around more. Well, yeah, because I work from home a lot of times. She never had to wear shoes.

SPEAKER_04 23:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:30

Robert got to the point. We had to tie Marky or tie Stephanie's shoes, and then he'd got extra long shoelaces and tied them around her ankles.

SPEAKER_05 23:39

I hate shoes.

SPEAKER_02 23:41

I hate them so much.

SPEAKER_05 23:42

Would you just take them off? Yes. Yeah, man.

SPEAKER_02 23:46

I still hate shoes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 23:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:48

But that's why I guess I'm grateful. You know, when you see and you're jealous about something or you're feeling bad about something, then you need to turn it into a positive and say, Well, this is one thing that's good.

SPEAKER_04 24:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:01

You know, I mean, for every bad thing, you're gonna at least find one or two good things to be happy about.

SPEAKER_07 24:07

Thank you. You know what would be an example of that.

SPEAKER_02 24:10

Oh, a bad thing, and then three good things. Give us an example. Well, okay. So okay, so like when we when we I mean we make decent money now and the kids are out, so it's not like as hard as it is when you have kids. So let's say I would uh try to balance a check, but Stephanie would avoid me on the days I was doing the bills because I would always come out grumpy. But my um my children make me very proud to know that Mary Cates maybe bounced one check in her life. I don't know. I don't think Stephanie's bounced her many checks, but I she never bounced a check. I never bounced a check and that makes me very proud. So that was a problem. I mean, we bounce checks all the time. I laugh at one of those bronze buffaloes in front of First National Bank, I probably paid for out of my overdraft fees. But yeah, so that's a good positive. I my fiscal irresponsibility or my typed for pennies on the line. These fingers are very important to this family.

SPEAKER_07 25:10

That's what she would say all the time, is if we'd have to be careful around her fingers because these fingers are very important to this family.

SPEAKER_02 25:16

You're paid by the hour, you know. Now that's not a problem. But yeah. So yeah, so positive is she learned fiscal responsibility.

SPEAKER_07 25:24

I learned to be better, and I could be better at my fiscal responsibility.

SPEAKER_02 25:29

But you know, you'd go to as Girl Scout leaders one time we stopped at Dairy Queen and I said, Okay, I had 10 kids or whatever, you can all spend two dollars and I'll buy. Well, you could get free water, you could still get an ice cream coat.

SPEAKER_07 25:53

Back in the day, you could get three separate things.

SPEAKER_02 25:55

You could get a whole meal for three dollars.

SPEAKER_07 25:56

You get a hamburger, French fries, and a Sunday, and there you go, you spend three dollars.

SPEAKER_02 26:01

Right. So, you know, it's possible, but some of those girls in the little Girl Scout troop just had a fit. Oh my gosh, how do you live like this, Stephanie? I was very proud because they knew they had two dollars, choose wisely, and then it would make me so mad because some of those other girls wanted to spend like five dollars and then they wouldn't drink half of their coffee or whatever. I'm like, I paid for that. So I guess that's the positive is you'd you know figure somebody else is learning.

SPEAKER_05 26:27

You know, and thank you for sharing that because I this past month, that's something that I have been trying to work on a lot. Um, and I saw someone put a post on Facebook about like, okay, from one bad thing, there's so many other things that are okay. And then from then on, I started seeing videos on TikTok and I'm like, Wait, wait, wait, what are you trying to tell me? Like, I'm always like, God or the universe is right here, and they're telling me, like, okay, focus on this. And it's true, like sometimes we get so caught up in the one bad thing that we forget about all of the little things that happen throughout the day. And even if I'm having the best day, if something wrong happens, I just focus on that. And it yes, and that's it. Yeah, um, okay.

SPEAKER_07 27:08

I truly do want to know this. Who or what has been your biggest influence?

SPEAKER_02 27:13

My dad. I was a big daddy's girl. My you know, and then when dad loved my mom, I had a good relationship, but my dad, dad would be the one when my dad died. I thought that's it, you know. And then my mom called, and then I realized that it was my mom telling my dad to call. Yeah, I didn't know that. Yeah, it was crazy, but yeah. I guess that's why family's important because I I had a good family.

SPEAKER_05 27:39

Yeah, thank you for sharing that.

SPEAKER_02 27:40

Thanks for making me cry. You're not the first one on the podcast.

SPEAKER_05 27:45

That's why we're here. That's it, you know, and I think like that's where we see each other in, you know, because we think like, I don't know. I before I used to think like no one is going through what I'm going through, no one is feeling this, like no one. And then I started actually talking to people. And I think like that's the reason why this became so important for me. Because I'm like, oh my god, if we all knew that we're all more alike, then we're different. We will see the world differently, and we will see each other differently when we're crossing paths, you know, because now I feel like I know you guys, and I'm like, this is family. Uh, what is something that your children do that always makes you laugh? Like, no matter what.

SPEAKER_02 28:23

Always makes me laugh. Right. The thing that she's not very good at buying presents, she's the worst.

SPEAKER_03 28:31

She's okay sometimes. So what you followed the list.

SPEAKER_02 28:35

Yeah, she stuck to the list.

SPEAKER_03 28:36

She followed the list specifically.

SPEAKER_02 28:38

One year she had all these little googly eyes. Everybody's gifts. She had a pair of googly eyes. That's awesome. Which was kind of fun. Then one year she forgot the gifts, and so she ended up going to we always have our family Christmas after Christmas. Yeah. So you can get more presents on sale the day after Christmas. Well, she forgot the gifts at her house, so she had to run into Dollar General. She got gifts, and then she wrote in the tag, she said, I'll try to do better next year. So then I was like, because we know we're you know, if you get a good gift, you really have to cherish it because it could be another couple years. Stephanie always makes me laugh. I'm not a very funny person. I'm pretty straightforward. But yeah, but Stephanie, she is straightforward, but she does have a couple quirks. I could do a couple of Stephanie's because she can talk and you think that she, you know, she sounds like she knows everything, she knows all the answers, but I think it's in the presentation. She could lie and you would think that she was the smartest person on every subject.

SPEAKER_04 29:44

It's all about how you say it.

SPEAKER_02 29:45

Yeah, it's all about how you say it because she could just be making it up on the spot. She was also an ex-dump in caller in high school, so yeah, she can take a one little question and turn it into a six five-minute speech.

SPEAKER_07 30:07

Nice. So I will I am very thankful for that. Okay, so what's a moment of growth or realization that changed the direction of your life?

SPEAKER_02 30:15

Well, when I quit being a music teacher, you know, you can you can it's one thing to love something, it's the other thing to make that your job. And when you start thinking of it as work, it's no fun anymore.

SPEAKER_04 30:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:30

You know, so that that that definitely changed direction because I completely changed my career. My parents weren't very happy because they thought that I should be a teacher and I turned from that direct you know, I mean, you had your proud moments, and if the world was all just the students that you liked, it would be great to teach. But you've got administration, you've got parents. So I just quit and totally went the other direction. Started medical terminology transcription in my own little house for years, but yeah, but I was there. You know, my kids could be sick from school and you know, I'd be there for 'em.

SPEAKER_07 31:05

You'd have to be puking or running a really high fever, but you could still go hot.

SPEAKER_02 31:09

Right, right. But I'd be there. Because the fun parts of teaching were all the after because I was a music teacher. So the fun parts were musical practice, pet band, and you couldn't do that. That was after school. And then I didn't I would never see my kids.

SPEAKER_05 31:25

So yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot to take in. Because I the that's a lot, you know, when it comes with uh being having that mom guilt. Because even just with my work, that was one of the reasons why I left too, because I wasn't sp spending time with my son. And my mom kept pushing that like this entire time that I've been talking to my mom. She's like, You've just been doing too much for everyone else. You keep forgetting like who's who's there, like who's watching you. And and I didn't think anything of it. But then, you know, like right now, I'm I'm like my third week of not having a job. And I've been making his lunch.

SPEAKER_02 31:58

Yeah, and it's a big that's a big Oh man.

SPEAKER_05 32:00

I started crying because I'm like, holy crap, I have missed so much. The picking up, the dropping off, just because I was so worried on like, oh, I need to do this and I I need to keep doing all of these things, and it's always like for everyone else, but not for me. And now just having this, I'm like, it's not going to be easy go going back to work because now just those little things, just him asking me, like, are you gonna make me lunch? Like, what are you making me, what are you making me for tomorrow? It's really exciting because I'm like, you know, I took those things for granted, they're so small, but they're huge. And his dad was doing all of that, you know, and his dad was picking him up and dropping him off. So there were things that his dad knew about that I didn't know about, you know, if if he had a bad day, his dad knew, but I didn't know, and I would be like, Well, what's going on? And we already talked to my dad about it. And I'm like, talk to me. Like, I want to know too. Like maybe, maybe I can help. Also, although there's things that you know, Axel and I have talk about a lot, there's things that we're we're still, you know, when he's getting used to being too much around his dad. And it now then I feel that pull. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, come back, come back. But I get it. Oh my god, like and just having that guilt now, like I missed so much.

SPEAKER_02 33:12

Yeah, I used to. Well, when I work from home as a transcriptionist, they always needed overtime. So if I got mad at my family, slammed my office door, like, I'm working overtime, leave me alone. I need the money to pay the bills or whatever. Yeah, while my mom brings this little plaque, still hanging in my office today, and it says, Don't get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.

SPEAKER_04 33:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:35

That's a hard one to follow.

SPEAKER_04 33:37

It is. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:38

Very true.

SPEAKER_04 33:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:39

You you're only gonna have them a little while.

SPEAKER_03 33:41

I mean, I can still be a heli helicopter mom at 30, but it's a lot harder when you live two and a half hours away.

SPEAKER_02 33:47

Yeah, it's a lot harder when you sometimes parenting is harder when they're on their own. Yeah. You can't go kick the cradle and make sure they're okay. So I can get to work from home as long as I did because I was able to be there. Yeah. We could have pub breaks and I could pick them up from school and take them to school. Yeah, if they'd start fighting, we would Oh my god. I guess I'll have to finish the story now.

SPEAKER_05 34:12

Yeah, do it, do it, do it. I want to hear it.

SPEAKER_02 34:14

So they'd start fighting, and I make them get on the bed. They'd have to hold hands and say ten nice things about each other.

SPEAKER_07 34:22

That's awesome. And then we'd have to say five nice things about mom just to be nice.

SPEAKER_02 34:26

I'd feel left out if they just got me. But the point was they were supposed to say ten nice things about each other. Sometimes it got hard.

SPEAKER_07 34:34

They had to be genuinely nice. They couldn't just be like, you have a cool shirt.

SPEAKER_02 34:38

And Mary Kate would be like, You have nice teeth. Yeah. That is so cool. Had to think about it. Yeah. Yeah. So I was I was lucky because you have to the the time goes so fast.

SPEAKER_05 34:51

Yes, it does.

SPEAKER_02 34:52

20 minutes goes by in a blink.

SPEAKER_05 34:54

Yeah. If m that was one of the things that my grandma always told me, you know, she's like, if you are going to do anything in life, like make sure you're there for everything. Make sure like every little thing, because you're going to regret it.

SPEAKER_00 35:06

Right.

SPEAKER_05 35:07

You know, I my cousin was also the same way with my nephew. She was like, you know, I missed him walking, I missed him talking. My mom saw those first. I didn't get to see those first. So I was just so adamant. I want to see the first. I want to be there. So there were a lot of first that I was there for. And then I disliked that then I became an adult, I guess. Then I'm like, oh no, no, no, like how am I gonna take care of this human? Like, I need to pay bills, he needs to eat, all of those things. Right. You know, and that's and your son also Yes, and that's exactly what I want. I'm like, you know, I'm just I'm tired of society just making it so hard for moms because in a way, you know, I I feel seen right now, and I am so grateful that you're here because it's one of the things like you you think that you're going at it alone, but there's so many of us going through it, and we think like, I don't know, how are we going to make this work for our children? Like, how I don't know, like, how are they going to be in a better world than I grew up in? Because that's what we try. We're like, I want I want you in the best, in the best world for you, because it's not perfect. Thank you for being here. Yeah, thank you so much.

SPEAKER_07 36:10

I appreciate you coming.

SPEAKER_05 36:11

I'm glad we did this one. That's it for today's episode. Thanks for being a part of the conversation.

SPEAKER_07 36:16

Remember, every voice has power and every story makes a difference.

SPEAKER_05 36:20

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