Trust Again: Navigating Triggers and Self Doubt

In this episode of SafeTalk, the conversation gets real about self-sabotage, emotional triggers, and the journey to trusting yourself—and others—again. The Face to Face SafeZone crew opens up about the quiet battles with self-doubt that so many young people face, sharing honest stories about second-guessing, negative self-talk, and the hurdles of building self-worth.

Listeners will hear relatable moments about missing out on opportunities, recognizing emotional triggers, and learning how our environments and relationships shape our confidence. The group dives into practical coping skills, like building a strong support system, redirecting energy, and practicing discernment when choosing who to keep close.

This episode is all about progress over perfection—acknowledging that it’s okay to have setbacks, that boundaries matter, and that everyone’s path to trust and self-acceptance looks different. If you’re working through self-doubt or learning to spot red flags in your circle, you’ll find encouragement and real talk to help you keep showing up for yourself, one day at a time.

This work is funded in part by MHC with money from the Arts and Cultural Heritage Fund that was created with the vote of the people of Minnesota on November 4, 2008.

Created by Youth Advocate and Recording Arts Specialist Tek Burch, the Face to Face SafeTalk Podcast opener blends music and spoken word to spotlight youth truth, justice, and hope. It sets the stage for honest conversations, celebrating strength, breaking barriers, and amplifying youth voices in a space where every story matters.

Transcript

2:39

Welcome back to Safe Talk. Today, we're getting real about self-sabotage, emotional triggers, and learning to trust ourselves and others again. For many young adults, the hardest battles are the ones happening inside. Let's talk about how to embrace ourselves instead of breaking ourselves, and how to move through a world that isn't always genuine. Today, we got a group of young people from SafeZone. I want to introduce ourselves, let us know where you're from, and then today, let's name our favorite pizza. Hey y'all, it's Niaje, and I'm from Southside Minneapolis, and my favorite kind of pizza is really sausage, even though I don't eat sausage no more. So you're a vegetarian, that's favorite pizza is sausage pizza? It sounds crazy. The struggle. Crazy, yeah. Hello, my name's Lamont. I'm from Madison, and I'm actually with Niaje on this. Straight sausage is my favorite pizza, has been my whole life. I'm Shonda, I'm from Harvey, Illinois. My favorite pizza is Hawaiian. Okay, what's Hawaiian? Isn't that the Canadian bacon and the pineapple? Yeah, it is. I do like it. Pineapple goes on pizza, for the record, guys. It does not. It does not. Yes. Hi guys, I'm Shontay. I'm from St. Cloud, Minnesota. Favorite pizza is cheese pizza. Classic. Hey, I'm Mani. I'm from St. Louis. My favorite pizza is pepperoni and pineapples. See, pineapples go on pizza. Right now, right now, right now. Who works at a pizza joint right now? You're outnumbered. No, it doesn't. You're outnumbered. You're out-professioned. You're out-professioned. If I could call Pizza Hut and order me a pizza with some pineapple on it, guess what? You have a company card. It belongs. You have a company card. We're stopping you. Okay, so we're talking today about self-sabotage, and a lot of that goes with trust and who you bring in your circle. What does self-sabotage look like? Who wants to get into just basically identifying what self-sabotage is? I'm not second-guessing myself. Okay. So with second-guessing yourself, what would be some of the things you're second-guessing? Your appearance. How other people judge you. I don't really know. Well, I mean, that's interesting because I feel like a lot of self-sabotage happens when we're not aware of it. Oh, I can't do this, or just second-guessing. It's like talking down on yourself. Yeah, talking down on yourself, but it's become so natural that you believe it. You're used to it. Yeah, you're used to it. You believe it. I feel like a lot of self-sabotage is not believing you're worthy of the opportunities life can give you. It doesn't exactly matter what you did to get where you are. You've got a chance to do it. It is your prerogative and your choice to attempt to do it. But whether or not you believe you're able to accomplish something is really big. Because in a recent job I got, I get paid $24 an hour base because our base pay is $22. We get $24 after $3. So I said, if I'm good, I mainly work during the night anyway, so just pay me $24 anyway. And then they did, because I'm not in their union, so it's a private contract. So you put that out there for yourself, like, I know what I deserve. I'm going to just go ahead and ask for it. What's the worst that can happen? And they're all like, wait, wait, how do you get paid that? Should have thought about that. My tax is now $20 a check. What was the moment or the day or the, like, do you remember what made you be like, I need more for myself. Let me go ahead and just go for this job instead of, you know, settling for all these odd jobs and little pieces of work here and there. What was it that made you finally feel like you were worthy of the position that you have now? I don't remember applying to that job. I got an email saying there's an orientation coming to it. Didn't even know there's a casino. I just showed up. Well, that's a good opportunity. It was like, yeah, you got out of your own way to get that. Let's talk about, I mean, self-sabotage looks a few different ways. Of course, the self-talk, the self-doubt, we've covered relationships. What are some other ways that you can sabotage yourself and get in your own way? Another way by sabotaging yourself is not giving yourself no type of hope, optimism. If you're somewhere, you know, and you want to do, and you think about doing something, and you just stop yourself already, you never give yourself a chance. You never give yourself a chance to even, to even do, to even try at least. Who's all heard the term, you miss every shot you don't take. Yeah. So that's basically what you're saying is opportunity in front of you. You can literally miss it sometimes just by your own, just by self-sabotage. Legit, like you can literally miss out on your own blessing, just based off how you talk to yourself and how used to your, how used to it you are when it comes down to trying to get good things. And I'm glad you said used to it because one of the things we were talking about is how self-sabotage can come without you even realizing you're doing it because you're so set in having these negative ideologies about yourself. What are some of the things you're saying to yourself though when you're doing this self-sabotage? Like I'm, I know, for example, I know I'm not going to get that, so I'm not going to waste my time trying. Yeah. What are some other things that you're saying to yourself that you're doing to self-sabotage your idea? Like what are you, what are you saying to yourself? What are some negative things that you say to yourself on the daily that you might think is, you know, just who you are or how you're supposed to think? What are some of the things you say? Honestly, I can't, I can't do that because I forgot. Because- I stopped it. I stopped doing that self-sabotage. No, and that's, that's real. Like if you don't do it no more, it's not there in your mind. Some of the things when it comes to preparing myself to where a lot of people my age are in life, I always feel like I'm not going to be able to get that. I'm not going to be able to do that. They had way more time to do that. Limiting myself to where I'm at instead of trying to put that optimism in my mind about achieving more. So that's what comes to mind to me when I think of self-sabotage is the thoughts of I can't. Everybody's triggers are different. Emotionally, we're triggered by different things. Where are some of these triggers that make you think that you're not worthy or you're not worth it? What are some of the triggers that can get in your way when it comes to self-sabotage? It's also what we're seeing too. Like I know this kind of plays a part with our last episode, but what we watch, what we see, even in our parents, when we're growing up, we take those into a matter to where we're not even thinking about, oh, this might just be from my mom. No, the whole time we've seen our parents going through this. And so now we've gone through it, but it's up to us to really change it and also redirect that energy into something else. But also self-realization too though. It can go both ways. So I do want to get into how we can cope. Let's talk about how to cope, some coping skills, like tools to help you calm your mind, ways you can manage stress, and things that you can do to get your mind out of this mode of self-sabotage. Coping, I would love to add on to that. I'm not going to be cliche because writing is a great way, but honestly, having somebody around to help you realize your triggers, even if you don't realize it yourself, like have somebody help you in a way to find out your triggers and those certain things that make you go into that mindset to where see them, realize them, fix them. It's a practice. Just how talking to ourselves negative is a practice. Like it literally goes the same way. But another coping skill I would say is listen to more uplifting music. One thing I learned about with music in general is that they have music that's supposed to bring us down, that's supposed to think negative, that's supposed to help us think negatively. And we're not supposed to be thinking like that. Like one thing I learned is listening to music that has 440 beats, that is controlling music. But if you listen to music that's more uplifting, it doesn't have to just be an upbeat song, but it could be words of affirmations. Like a great example, Ndre, she has upbeat music that's nothing but affirmations in her songs. And that's a great lady to listen to. I recommend all y'all to listen to her. Ndre goes hard. Ndre goes, she's fire. Another coping mechanism for me is redirecting my energy into something else. If I feel like I get triggered or something, or if I feel like I am triggered, I'm either going to go outside before I do too much, or I'm going to go, I'm going to sing or something. I bring my speaker with me everywhere I go. Redirecting my energy goes a long way. Also talking to God too. So I remember one of the first things you said was find someone that you could talk to, basically a support system. Yeah, that could help you figure out those triggers. So if you are really trying to let that go or stop self-sabotaging yourself, find somebody to help you realize those triggers. So you can either write them down, you know what I'm saying? Either figure it out, write it down. But while you're figuring it out, it helps because that person literally can either hold your hand through it, or they could give you tips and tricks on how to go through it. Let's talk a little bit more about the support system and the people you keep around you. Because it's beautiful when you have this type of support system that can help you recognize your triggers, help you cope with stress when you're dealing with a lot of these things in the world. But the truth is, you know, the unfortunate truth is a lot of people don't have that support. Really? And a lot of people, although they have a team around them, that team might not be supporting them in the right things. No facts. So I kind of want to get into talking about genuine and ingenuine people in your life. Discernment. The ones that are motivating you and the ones that are bringing you down. And I know at you guys' age and where you're at, circles of friends can change like that. You know what I mean? I have friends that are 20 years, 25 years in my life. And I have friends that I've met within the past couple years that I consider really close. And, you know, I'm fortunate to have that support system where if I need to turn to somebody, they're there. But let's just say that that's not the case. The only people we have to turn to are the ones that we're getting high with or the ones that we're in the streets with. How do you spot those ingenuine people? Let's explain. Like, what does that look like? If you need to check in on them every week to make sure you do, say, you make a plan Sunday that you're going to have them done by the next Sunday. By Wednesday, I'm not thinking about you because I know you're going to have it done Sunday. If you can't do that with someone, they're not a friend. Are our friends only there for that, though? No. When you get to a certain place, you start to recognize that you can have friends that you love, that you don't necessarily have to, you know, talk to every day, do things with every day. Yeah. You recognize that that's my friend when I want to, you know, do that. But, you know, facts. So you start to recognize and you're able to see where your support is coming from. But also, you can still have people in your life that you care about and you know that their intentions might not always be the best for you. That's why we got a love from a distance. One thing that Mani has said earlier or when we were talking about the club earlier, like, I'm glad that we was talking about that because that plays a great part into who you keeping around. One thing I would say, I have generals and then I have friends or I have acquaintances. You know what I mean? My generals is the people that don't see me at my lowest, my most vulnerable times. They don't see me at my highs, my lows, all. You know, they're just there. They're there in general, but they're your generals. And you know that they got you for a fact. My friends are the ones that I just met recently or my friends are my friends. You know, at the end of the day, friends, friend has ended regardless. But one thing that you said, Tech, that I love. My friends have ended it. It does. One thing that Tech said that I love that you said, too, is basically we outgrow people. You know what I'm saying? But also, it's hard to differentiate when we need to outgrow them. When it comes down to the people who we just keep around for the certain little things, that should be hard. But at the same time, we have to realize where that energy is coming from. And we also have to realize where our energy is, too. Because if you're trying to do better for yourself and you got people who is, you know, oh, I want to go to the club. I want to go drink. I want to go do this. Let's go do that. Yeah, we can go do that. But at the end of the day, no, for real though, if you want me to come somewhere, don't have me. Don't have me paying for everything. At the end of the day, like, I'm going to be living on my own time. Legit. Like, that's why there's a difference between generals and friends. Because sometimes your friends are the ones who, hey, Niaj, you trying to go smoke? And what are we going to do after that? What is that going to benefit me for? You're just going to be high. Legit, I'm just going to be high. Like, if I'm sad and somebody's offering me to let's go smoke, what is that going to do to me? If I'm getting high, after that, I'm going to be the same still sad person I just was before I got high. Make that make sense. That's another thing, too. Having friends, too. I just had to learn this. I just had to cut somebody off. But like, when they steady showing you red flags, when y'all steady getting into it, don't keep going back. Because you see those red flags. But I kept being a friend and I kept going back. And then finally, I had to block them and just stop talking to them. Y'all, I had to realize. No. Sorry. Just wanted to follow up on that. What was the moment that made you realize there were too many red flags? When somebody, when you stay arguing with somebody, that's you just got to cut it off. We all stay blocking each other, getting into it, blocking each other on social media. Leave them alone. Just don't block them again. Yes. Facts. Leave them alone. I just, I was a nice person. So I'm like, you know, let me just give them a chance. Let me just keep. It was better by the doubt? No. I had to move away. And now I'm doing way better by myself. Once that door closed, another door going to open right back up. Come on now. Here's another question I have for that situation, though. Do we end these relationships in a negative, toxic way? Or is there a way to do it anyway? Just end it regular. How do you go about telling somebody that there's too many red flags or that you got to give them their distance? What's the easy? How do you do that? Just when they see you, when they say hi, just say hi and keep it pushing. Don't hang out with them. Don't try to. Shall I tell you, you don't call me no more, girl. I want to go outside. What's up? I've been busy with my family. I don't have time for people. You don't mess with me no more? I mean, I can love you from a distance, but I can't hang out with you. It's being real. I'm trying to better myself and become a better person. What about you, Demoni? How do I do that? I just, I keep it real. If you're being weird, being fake, I can feel it. I'm going to tell you. I can feel energy. That's that person I am. Do they always take that well? Imagine if I imagine I have no idea that I've been this weird, toxic person because you've seen my red flags and you've ignored them all the way up until now. How would you tell me that I'm being too weird without me taking offense to that and wanting to be more toxic after that? It's kind of like having a conversation. I mean, everybody's grown. Everybody knows how to be a friend. You're not even my friend. You can't, you can't. Me personally, I catch shit right away, right there and then. Because I feel energy. So, me personally, I'll hang out with the friend that I have and then hang out with the group. Like, as a group. And the energy is not the same or energy as we are. Like, if people make faces. Because, you know, low-key, you could tell. Okay, so y'all know how y'all in the room. You know how y'all got a group of friends, right? Y'all know how y'all hang around them and then you step out and you step back in. You could put it in. Talking about you, yeah, it changed. That's real. Yeah, and the facial expressions. Don't worry about the facial expressions. They're combining everything. That's real. You act weird. You gotta really pay attention to that kind of stuff. That's why I said discernment, though. Because discernment plays a big part into really looking at who you got in front of your face, but also who you got around your space, too. Like, discernment plays a huge part in that. But the thing is, also, one thing I've learned, sometimes people be blocking their energy. Like, I know we could definitely feel energy, but also there's people who might just be demons. Who face it to make you, too, to be your friend. But that's what I'm saying. But that's why I'm saying there's demons. And I feel like that's important to talk about. Because the way we present ourselves, you should present yourself with certain expectations. People should know, if they're becoming friends and close to you, they should know these things about you. Things that'll set you off. Things that are okay and not okay around you. Like, I know friends that, when they come around me, it's not like they got to change or be different. But they know there's certain things in my life that I don't do no more, that they may still be doing. And that's an expectation I set for myself that people will gravitate towards. Because they're like, that's how he is. I think that's important to touch, is the way you are within a circle of friends, or with a friend individually, the way you present yourself and the expectations that you have from that person should be apparent. It shouldn't be fake. You shouldn't just be going with the flow with anything. You should set those boundaries right away. And then when you set those boundaries, you'll see who respects those boundaries and who doesn't. And that's an easy way to distance yourself from the people that you don't need in your support system. I just want to really add discernment. Work on getting your discernment better, and just trusting yourself and trusting your gut legit. So when you do come across people, like, it could be strangers, and it could be people you know, strangers, anybody in the street. And when you're working on discernment, you can literally walk up to a stranger and be like, yeah, nope, this is cool. Also, I wanted to add trusting when it comes out to people in our circle. Discernment plays a big part in that, too. Because once you actually are working your third eye, you can literally see who's your people and who's not. And also, them red flags won't be red flags because you already took the red flag out. And also understanding our triggers and how to respond instead of act is definitely harder than said. But when it comes down to it, and when we're in the middle of that, we got to catch ourselves sometimes. And it's not going to be overnight. You're not going to just be perfect at that overnight. And there might be a couple more hard lessons you got to learn in friendships. And when it comes to dealing with yourself, there's still going to be those moments where we doubt ourself. There's still going to be those moments where we don't think we're good enough. And that's just a natural human response to things. There's levels of getting better at that till you actually get to a point where you're comfortable with your boundaries, the people around you, and the way you think about yourself. And that's all there really is to it is just to work on yourself. Patience. I mean, your journey is your journey. It's powerful. Learning to cope, grow, and trust again takes time. But every step is worth it. Remember, don't break yourself to keep others comfortable. You deserve peace. You deserve real support. And you deserve to thrive. So everybody, thanks for tuning in. If you're listening, keep showing up for yourself. And just do the work one day at a time. You guys did a great job today. This was a really good discussion. Give yourselves a round of applause, y'all. Yeah, y'all. I'm so proud of y'all.