The Julie Jeppson Podcast
Welcome to the JULIE JEPPSON podcast. So glad you're here. After a heartbreaking loss in the summer of 2022, my 8 kids and I are picking up the pieces of our former lives and moving forward. In this podcast, I interview Gritty Mamas from all over who have pushed, pulled, endured, persisted, insisted, and MOMINATED some pretty impossible burdens. These women are survivors and their stories deserve to be heard. My hope is that you can hear their stories and walk away inspired and uplifted by their capacity to KEEP GOING, no matter what. Because you can too. There's also hidden gems within this podcast with my own children, my parents, mental health experts, spiritual health and wellness mentors, relationship specialists, and other exceptional GRITTY professionals. I come from Grit. My ancestors are the definition of it. So here, I'm taking back my name and my power and I intend to use it to help you remember, too, of the gritty mamas who have gone before you, who will come behind you, but most of all, the gritty mama inside you.
The Julie Jeppson Podcast
What If You’re Not Lost… You’re Being Led?
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What if the seasons that feel the most scattered are actually taking you somewhere?
This week, Julie and Carley talk about what it feels like to be constantly striving, trying, pivoting—and wondering whether any of it is actually working. From content creation and dog sitting to digital real estate and Julie’s newest venture, GRITROCK: The Agency, Julie opens up about the frustration of feeling like she’s bounced from one thing to another just trying to build a life that works.
But maybe none of it was wasted.
They talk about productivity and self-worth, the pressure to always be doing more, the difference between real confidence and simply telling yourself you’re amazing, and why sometimes the only way to discover what you're capable of is to do something really hard. Julie also shares why “just forgive and move on” isn't always as simple as it sounds when the consequences of what happened are still affecting your everyday life.
And, finally, there’s a long-awaited update: an agreement has been signed. Julie shares a little about what that means for her family and why this may finally mark the beginning of a new chapter.
Sometimes you can't see the path while you're walking it. Sometimes all you can do is take the next step and trust that someday you'll look back and realize—
none of it was wasted.
Yeah, it's white noise.
SPEAKER_00Hello everyone. Welcome to our podcast. I just was asking Carly if she could hear the fan because again, I'm in the closet as per usual, and it gets hot in here. So I've got a fan on to kind of give me a fresh breeze. And she said it sounds like white noise. So hopefully you can all fall asleep to the sound of my voice, my second elto, first tenor voice, and white noise, and hopefully it'll soothe your soul. Oh, it's got a little bit.
SPEAKER_03Do you remember last week how I talked about a girl named um Hannah Alonzo a little bit? Uh like a YouTuber that I listen to. She gets people all the time telling her, like, don't take this the wrong way, but I fall asleep to your videos all the time. Like I put you on to fall asleep, and she's like, I'm not offended. And I laugh because I'm one of those people. I'm like, I gotta go to sleep. I gotta turn something on. And hers is when like her voice doesn't bug me, you know, so I just turn it on and fall asleep. That's like me. So if people fall asleep to us, it won't offend us.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it really doesn't. You know what's funny though? I actually love green noise. And then I have my and then there's brown noise. Green noise. Oh, it's so much better than white noise. White noise is just like static, and it's like loud. Oh, obnoxious white and pink and brown, but I've never heard of green. Green noise is just like this deep, like mesmerizing sound that I can actually fall asleep to because I usually fall asleep in silence, but I don't like white noise anymore. I I'll take brown noise over white, and I'll take green noise above them all. So if you are a mom out there or you have a s hard time sleeping or whatever, you need your kids to relax, try green noise. It's kind of this I don't want to say monstrous, but it's like a deep, it really is a it's a mesmerizing sound.
SPEAKER_03So I'll have to try it because my kids need something to fall asleep. It's the ADHD in them. Yeah. But okay, did you want to restart the podcast and open it with the new name that you have chosen?
SPEAKER_00Well, a lot of has happened in a week. It's kind of my nature, and you know this, to just like if I feel something or come up with an idea, I like hit the ground running and sprinting. And I'm just like, let's do this. Because I'm one of those people that feels like if I'm not doing something productive, then I'm not, you know, I'm not doing something right. I feel, I feel like, and it's not true, but I feel like if the more productive that I am, the more the the more blessed I will be. Or the more God is proud of me. It's just not the case, and it's not true, but that's how I feel. So and I feel like, you know, we hear all the time that the Lord loves effort, and if I'm putting as much effort into whatever I think is going to be successful, then I will be blessed for it.
SPEAKER_03How about this one? How about this one, Julie? Preparation precedes power.
SPEAKER_00Yes, yes, thank you. I'll take it.
SPEAKER_03It is not, it is not a it's I was trying to explain this to one of my kids the other day. This it's God is not a do this or something bad will happen. This is not if Julie doesn't run on all cylinders all the time, something bad is gonna be happening. You're not gonna be blessed, or he's not gonna love you. That's not it at all. To love you no matter what. Remember that is it Tam your Tamarunia talk who talks about how your worth never changes. You know, she held two hands up in in conference. Do you remember this? Yes, and one as you like as she said different things, like you made different choices, one arm goes up and down, but the other arm stays the same, meaning your worth, your worth is always the same, right? So what you're trying, I think what I hear you saying is like your worth never changes, but you feel like you need to be running on all cylinders. Yes, to feel that to feel worthy of that. But and part of that's because I will say ADHD. You gotta give yourself some break, a break. Yeah. But also you have eight kids and you're single mom, so you feel like you have to use every freaking minute.
SPEAKER_00Yes, I do. I mean, and I just I sent actually I've been binge listening to Elder Corbridge, Elder Larry Corbridge, with who I guess is a member of the 70. I didn't even know that. I tune out when it's the 70s. Like I like I tune out when it's the women, it's so bad. I just like like the apostles, and that's about it. I don't know why, but I just I don't I tune maybe I wonder if it's literally their voices, Julie.
SPEAKER_03It could be I feel like I I just appreciate the male voice better.
SPEAKER_00I can't handle it. Oh man, yes, I do too. And there's something about apostles, right? We all have our favorite apostles and the ones that give these talks. But so yes, Elder Corebridge is a member of the 70, and I hope I don't lose my train of thought, or I I can't I hope I don't lose where I'm trying to go with this. But I sent this podcast to you where he talks about in the being in the 90s and 80s and 90s, this this um frenzy or this like uh trend of everything being positive and um high self-esteem.
SPEAKER_03Everybody like the self-worth trend, right?
SPEAKER_00Yes, that's what it was. And the participation trophy, everybody gets a ribbon just for participating, and everyone has, you know, of course he's not talking about your your value and your individual worth, as as we call it. He talks about how there's this frenzy on self-esteem and how everyone's a winner, and everyone is amazing, and you can do anything you want, and you are good just as you are, and that's all like and then it just you know, they were trying to build this society of unstoppable kids that just can conquer the world, but it also just breeds this environment of um, I guess as he states in the scriptures, you know, King Benjamin in the Book of Mormon reminds us that we are um of the dust. And he talks about our nothingness, and he talks about how we um are unprofitable servants and we always will be, and that it's God that lends us breath and life, and he's the reason our heart is beating. And so don't assume that you're just this amazing thing when really like we're nothing. And help me think where I was going because I don't know how I got into that. But yes, I feel like I have to be productive. I feel like I have to be doing something when yes, I have my individual worth and nothing can take that away. But this you are a 10 crap, it's crap.
SPEAKER_03You think that you're scarred from you're scarred maybe maybe the generation you're talking about was like super soft.
SPEAKER_00Oh is it not close enough? Can you hear me now? Maybe the maybe the little the little puff thing does help because it's a little bit soft. Really? Unless it's right by your mouth. Anyway, go ahead.
SPEAKER_03I can take it away and just do my laptop speaker. No, it's it. Okay, okay. Um, but maybe the culminating thing of that era, that generation, is the um manifest manifesting era, right? Where everybody can just manifest this stuff. But I think what you're talking about is this like fake pride that leads to like fake pride and fake confidence. It doesn't come because you've accomplished hard things, it comes because people tell you you're wonderful. My father-in-law likes to talk about how he just thought, you know, the sun rose and sat with him, and he was just the most awesome guy on the planet until he left his hometown, and then he found out that actually he's not, you know. But he was the youngest by over a decade in his family, and they just adored him, his older sister just loved him. He just thought, you know, everything. Yes. But then he's like, but then I went to school and he did med school and he did all these things and he had to do hard things. But if you have this false sense of pride and this false sense of ability, it uh is actually harder for people, right? Like it's good to know that at your core you have this individual worth and that people love you and they believe in you, but you have to know that like you can do all things through Jesus. Yes, you know, that things are. I had a professor once that said um he didn't like that uh the Lord will never give you anything that you can't handle. He's like, that's a lie. God gives you stuff you can't handle all the time. He gives you exactly he will never give you anything you can't do without him, and that's the whole point, right? And so I think what you're talking about is this idea of living with somebody who believed in manifesting, and you're like, no, no, no, no, like actually you have to do the work and you have to you have to be emotionally resilient and a hard worker and all of that, and and we kind of lost the plot there. So I think that's why you're like you're scarred and you feel those things. So you're you're like, I have to and now you're also forced, I think, to run on all cylinders. Yeah, you don't have the luxury of rest.
SPEAKER_00No, I mean, and I, you know, when I hate for this always to go back to him, but when he left, right, I was like, well, crap, what what do I do? Couldn't get a job because I had three babies at home. Um, and if I got a job, it was gonna be something that I to I could just grab quick and fast. Just hurry and grab this because I need something and I need it now because I need to have money coming in, but it wasn't like worth the $10 an hour job. It was just not worth worth it, you know? Yeah. So I have gone from one thing to the next and it's I'm so annoyed with myself. I've been annoyed with myself. Like, okay, I've gone from, you know, vlogging, which I'm still doing, right? And content creating and podcasting, but gone from the gritty mama's community, which I'm going to bring back back eventually, and gone to dog sitting and digital real estate. And I'm like, okay, now I'm trying something new. And and it's not necessarily new, it's all kind of culminating into something, I think. I hope. I hope that that's what it's doing. Otherwise, I feel like I'm wasting my time. But I know that God gives you, which I can't stand about him, and I'm gonna have a conversation with him when when I die, but like this little by little line upon online crap, tired of it. But it's little by little that he's kind of helping me set the foundation or the bricks to this empire that I truly want to build, not just like financially, but like of my own life and my own success story. And um, so I want to believe that dog sitting, right, and getting desperate enough to dog sit a thousand dogs and then and then reaching a point of no return, like I cannot keep doing this. But if I keep doing this, I'll just stay right here because it's safe and I can keep watching all these animals, but also hating it at the same time. But if I have to, if I stop, then I'm forced to find something else. If I stay in it and I get comfortable, which I think so many of us do, then I will just stay there and and not progress. And then I'm just kind of mediocre and I never want to be someone that settles for that, even though I I did. That's that's a terrible dig. Anyway.
SPEAKER_03You know how you're always talking about how you're drowning, you know, that's one of the phrases. I'm drowning. Yeah, like keep having this like image in my head of you just like Titanic is sinking, it's sunk now. Titanic, the it's sunk, right?
SPEAKER_00And so now there's we've got like muscles or whatever.
SPEAKER_03It's at the bottom of the ocean and it's rusted. So here the Titanic is at the bottom of the ocean, and what you've been doing, what you're describing, is like you grabbed whatever rubble you could grab onto at the time. And as you become number and more desperate to stay alive, you're finding, you're swimming towards people and bigger debris so that you can build the next ship that you have to build with the people you need to build them. And so I think that that's what you're seeing is you know, it sucks that you had to grab onto the tiny little floating, you know, chair or whatever it was, but it got you to the door that got you to the bed frame, that got you, you know what I mean? Like imagine just like you have to give yourself so much more credit because you found the next thing and you didn't freeze to death, and your kids are there with you, and you're finding the life raft. And when you get there, you're gonna have the ability to find those who were in your spot. You're gonna be able to have the eagle eye looking for the tiny debris with the struggling woman on it that you can grab along with you and put in the life raft because you have been trained in that place to do that thing. And so great metaphor. I think, yeah, I think you're not drowning anymore. I think you are just reaching for your next life raft that's gonna save you and other people along with you. And that's your goal, really, is to to not save just yourself, but to save as many women and suffering children as you can.
SPEAKER_00That's right. And pretty much it's gonna be pretty soon it's gonna be a yacht you just watched. Um I'm going on a cruise here in a little bit with my eight kiddos to celebrate our survival, quite honestly. And thanks to the sale of my Bernadoodles puppies, we I I had a conversation with my lawyer. There's a lot of people who have ripped on me um for taking this trip. Like, who does she think she is? Why is she doing this when she can't afford it? And she whines and complains all the time about drowning and oh, she's so poor, and she just got fee waivers and she just got reduced lunch and blah blah. Oh, but she's going on a cruise. Well, yeah, I made this money from selling my puppies, and I sent a message to my lawyer who I owe so much money to, and I said, Steve, I just want you to know I'm using this money to take these kids on a cruise. Um and a cruise honestly was the easiest thing to do because it's food all the time and it's activities all the time, and I had cruise credit from COVID when we had a booked the week before the world shut down. So I used that cruise credit. So anyway, getting a deal for all those people that think I'm being a brat by going, but um, I said, I'm gonna take this trip. If you don't mind, I I don't want you to see me on a cruise and then be like, oh sure, she can't pay me, but she's on a cruise. But I did give him my entire tax return. So I felt like that was the responsible thing to do and be like, I'm gonna take this cruise, but I'll give you my whole tax return, which was like a whopping five thousand dollars. It wasn't it wasn't a lot, at least for how much we have to pay out, right? But so that's coming up and that's off topic, and we can talk about that later. But that's another reason we're podcasting right now. It's 6 25 p.m. on a Saturday. I'm not like yawning to death yet. And we're trying to get this out so that you guys can have something to listen to. Because I will say, and then we'll get back on track. I received a message this week. This is this is quite big news if I can say so. Do you remember what number we are ranked in like oh my gosh, it was like 72 or something? No, no, 74, baby. We are 74. Ranked 74 in like weekly virtual diaries or something, something like that, yes. And I will take it for the amount of like like I would say that for the amount of work, even though it's not a ton of work because we're in the closet and there's not a ton of eddy editing, but we've been consistent and you guys have loved it and appreciated it, and you've listened and you've commented and except for the ones that say Julie, you don't need Carly. It's so much better without her. I know you guys all want to hear the juice. And if I gave it all to you, like in one podcast, then you wouldn't come back. It's like a way to keep you coming back, giving you little tidbits at a time because we're I'm trying to build something. So back to the building. Um I'm good. Did you hear that transition? I should be a wet like a news angel.
SPEAKER_03We'll just call you Britt Cooper, man. What does he do? Oh, she's a um Brett Cooper in the She used to be on The Daily Wire. People said that she looked like Ben Shapiro or whatever, but she has like severed ties with them, and she is so much better for it. And she but she had she ran a um a it was on their channel, but uh what do you call it? Like a podcast or a she had clips every week that were you know 15, 20 minutes. It was called the comment section, something like that. Anyway, she comments more on like Hollywood and some politics and things like that. And she like moved out to a farm with her husband and had a baby. She's young, she's like 23 or something, but her transitions for her sponsors are like very well known because she's pretty good at it. So anyway, talk about a sidetrack.
SPEAKER_00Yes, I well, but that you know, it's the transitions. I'm pretty dang good at the trend transitions if I if I think hard enough and I'm witty. It's because it's early, it's not 10 o'clock at night, and I'm I'm sharp. I'm more with it at the moment. But so we all know that I've tried out digital real estate, and then you know, I was connecting homeowners with business owners, and so I would set up a website, like a free basic website with tree service on it, and then I would put out a bunch of ads, and then I had customers calling me to get tree service, thinking that I was doing the tree service when really I'm just kind of the third party that refers them to the real business owner. And anyway, so I was getting into that and I worked hard on that for like a month and a half, two months. And then, you know, more and more I'm like, gosh, I'm just like building up other people's businesses.
SPEAKER_03I need to be building Let's pause for a second. Let's pause for a second because in the middle of this, I have an uncle who is a business attorney. And when I told him what Julie was up to, he was like, uh, you know, there there might be some things that she has to worry about in that industry. And I was like, Julie, I don't feel good about it. I don't think you should do it. And Julie was like, like hell, I feel really good about it. The fire's under my feet and I'm gonna do it. And I was like, okay, I'll support you, but like I'm a little bit worried about these things, right? But do you remember that? Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And I was just like, she's worried about me doing false advertising, which I can understand. But there's a clause that you're supposed to put on the website that says, I'm a third party, I don't do the actual service, I just refer clients to the business owner.
SPEAKER_03There's some things that you can do within there to protect yourself, but there's still ways to get into trouble. Yeah. And people who make a lot of money at it still end up coming out of the business because it's not worth the headache of the lawyers and all the things. You might have done great and not had to worry about any of it, but there are people whose entire occupations are finding people who are doing what you were doing or trying to do and undoing it and making your money off of you, if that makes sense.
SPEAKER_00Because there's like that's me holding on to uh, I mean, not even a life raft at the time. It's me holding on to a branch in the ocean trying to.
SPEAKER_03This is what I think it is. This is what I wanted to bring it up, is because I think when the time was ready for you to say, actually, I don't want to do this, you had this thing in the back of my head from my Uncle Doug saying this could be a little bit whatever, but you still felt the fire, you still listen to the spirit, and I'm glad that you did because what you're learning is you learned all those skills that you were gonna put into use doing that, and now you're gonna apply them to your own business. The reason why you felt the fire, the reason why you felt inspired to do it was never, in my opinion, to do what you had you thought you were intending to do. Does that make sense? Like you listen to the spirit and you are learning these skills that are so valuable and so useful that you wouldn't have been driven to learn any other way, right?
SPEAKER_00Like I agree. Because it motivates it. I don't look at it, I don't look back on it and been like, oh, what a waste of time, what a waste of course. No, because it sparked the idea, like I said last week, and starting my own freaking agency. Because in digital real estate, he actually calls it you're building your own agency of contractors. Well, I want to build my own agency of not contractors, contractors in a different way, right? Speakers, performers, experts, musicians, because I have background in it, doing it for the petitioner, signing contracts, making contracts, mailing and emailing contracts, and getting bookings and booking flights and communicating with the event person and making sure everything's running smoothly. And um I enjoyed it. And everybody always says, Julie, you should be you should coach. Julie, you should do speaking engagements yourself. And and maybe someday I will do a some speaking thing. Heck yeah, you can, but but I've never been like I I want to be a keynote speaker. I just never thought that. I just thought maybe someday I will have the opportunity, but but maybe that's because right now I need to develop the skill of uh um doing it for other people so that I can have that business to then be the engine for paying it forward for the gritty mamas and the women trapped in family court.
SPEAKER_03So I'm there's a million reasons why. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You'll find out along the way. Hopefully, yeah, to help myself. I mean, I I look at it and I'm like, because my patriarch I get vulnerable and I get personal here, and I hope you guys don't mind. But my patriarchal blessing says, probably like everyone's, if I put the kingdom of God first and it's righteousness, that everything will fall into place, that I'll be blessed, you know, in the land, I'll be blessed financially as long as I put the kingdom of God first. And I'm like, what well, does that mean that I just like stop everything and just go prosely? You know what I mean? Like, of course not. But like, what where do I draw the line here? And I'm like, well, and what does were lawyers, apostles were businessmen? So I'm like, it's fine because I start to get very literal.
SPEAKER_03Right, and what and that's what I was gonna say. And what does like everything working out look like? Do you remember I took I've talked to you guys speaking of vulnerability about my miscarriage, right? I started here, this might be two am I T TMI, I don't know, but I started bleeding at 13 weeks. And by 15 weeks, when it hadn't stopped, I went and got an ultrasound, and they were like, oh, everything looks good. It just looks like the baby is developing a little slower, so you must be off on your date. And I was like, I don't think so, because at my 12-week ultrasound or my 12-week appointment, they had to go get uh like a uh what do you call that thing where they hear the heartbeat? You know what I'm talking about. Yeah, like that thing. They had they had tried that and they couldn't get the heartbeat. So then they had to go get an ultrasound and like, oh, the baby's just measuring it 10 weeks, two days. And then at 15 weeks, it was like, oh, it's just measuring at 13 weeks. Like it was progressing slower and slower over time. So when I got to my 20 week appointment and I had no there was no heartbeat, like I wasn't like shocked because I was suspicious the whole time. But the reason why I was happy and not as worried and like going about my day-to-day and all of that throughout the pregnancy was because I felt like Hemenly Father would tell me it would all be okay. Everything's going to be okay. Well, when I miscarried, how is that everything's gonna be okay? Right. That was not that like comfort from Heavenly Father was not you won't experience anything hard. It was that it will be okay. Like I will, I will recover, my family will recover. This experience, that experience was used for my benefit. I have been able to connect with so many women and and have so many meaningful interactions and conversations and help women that I could not have helped any other way than going through that experience. Exactly. And so it like everything is okay. Look at me. I have four kids, I'm happy, my husband and I are still married, all those things, but we still had that hard thing that we went through. So sometimes that's what happens, you know.
SPEAKER_00And and I'm jumping the gun here, but like I talked to someone this week, or I talked to someone this week that said to me, because I kind of explained the whole story and what I wanted to do, he's just a contact that can hopefully help me in this endeavor. But he said, our mess becomes the message. And I was like, I love it, you know what I mean? And and same thing with that my dog's trying to get in the into the door, and so she's flipping the handles if if you can hear that loud voice. But um, if you think about the word testimony, like, well, what are the first four letters in the word testimony, right? Yep. Test, it's a test, and you now have a testimony. There's a mess there in in your message. You can't have a message without it being a mess first. Like, there's no message unless you've been through something. And I remember someone close to me, you know, after this whole mess speaking of uh when he left and I was like literally abandoned with eight kids and not knowing how to make ends meet. He said he went to the temple and asked, you know, the Lord, what should I do? How should I help her? Um I'm just texting Xander to come and get these dogs because they're whining and I can't focus. Um but they he said, But I got a distinct answer from God that you were gonna be just fine. And I was like, Great. That's not helpful right now to tell me that I'm gonna be just fine. I mean I'm drowning, I'm suffering. And I also felt like it was a reason or an excuse for this person or or others to be like, you'll be fine. If anybody can do it, you can't. You're stronger than you think, and then they bail and leave you on your own because they had revelation that you'll be fine, but you're like, I didn't get that.
SPEAKER_03It's like of very little use to me. Please don't say that. I know. I mean, ultimately, it will be fine because I will die and be with God again, and yeah, I'll be fine. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00It's like totally not uh I know totally so that I've is something I'm struggling I've struggled with. But since um since last week, since I talked about this idea, well, maybe if I did it, I just I just went for it and I got um a website going. It's called I, you know, obviously it's a play on words. I've used it, I don't want it to be too redundant, but I called it the grit rock. Grit rock the agency. So grit rock is actually a word, it's not like a play on words, and it's it has the word grit in it and it has the word rock in it. So there's strength and foundation and working hard and being diligent and being gritty, yeah, exactly. And I thought that that was cool for both men and women. It's not like come join the Jeps and the Julie Jepson agency. Nobody wants to say that. You gave me a few.
SPEAKER_03This is a more the I think the look that you're going for is a more masculine, yes, gender-neutral look. Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Can you hear the whining from my dog? Oh, yeah. You can? Is it that bad? Okay. I'm gonna make a call with you guys live on the phone on the because he's not answering. Because heaven forbid I podcast in the middle of the day and I can do it in peace. But anyway, um, they're all in school except for Saturdays, and I don't know if this happens for you, but on Saturdays for me, they still get up earlier than they would during the week, and it drives me insane. Does that do your kids do that?
SPEAKER_03Sometimes it depends. It depends on like I feel like the longer school goes, the more that happens. But because this summer they've been sleeping in longer.
SPEAKER_00Okay, you guys can see my legs. Sorry. I can't take toned legs. Well, there's farmer tanned legs with a stain on them. I can't I can't handle the whining anymore. Anyway, as I was saying, and she has to Yeah, pull that mic closer. I know. Yours has been soft too. There, can you hear me? Is that better? I don't know what to do at mine because it is like almost touching my lips. Technical problems here, people. But all this to say, I made a website, I made a roster, I put I did the same strategy that I learned in digital real estate and just kind of I kind of didn't even ask people. I just put them on it. And I figure if I get a gig for them and it's a $10,000 or a $50,000 speaking gig, I don't need to ask permission for them to be on the roster. I just call them and say, Do you want this gig? And if they say yes, I say, Great, I'll book it for you. And if not, I move on to the next person. And that's exactly what I learned with doing, you know, this this real estate online. So um half of them don't even know they're on a roster. Some of them do. But I was like, I might as well just ask them what you made it.
SPEAKER_03You should text them and be like, hey, you're on my website just so you know. I did.
SPEAKER_00But I want to put it. That's what I learned in this course. Prove myself first. So instead of like making them, you know, I'd rather call them and say, Hey, I have this big gig for you. Do you want it? And if they're like, Oh, well, I'm already represented by an agent, and I say, Well, that's fine. Moving on. And I go to the next person and I say, Hey, this is a twenty thousand dollar gig. Do you want it? Are they gonna say no? I don't know. Maybe they will if they have an agent, but I move on. Just what it's exactly what I did, you know, in this contractor world. It's exactly what I did as a missionary. Moving on to the next person, you know, checking off the list, wipe my the dust off my feet. Bye, Felicia, moving on. So I just don't have any time to waste. Like I am on it. So made my little roster and and I made the website. I've been working on building it. I'm gonna start doing search engine optimization and start ranking this sucker on Google. And I want to have an agency that's well known where people are calling to get speakers, experts, and performers and musicians, and whoever it might be, and someone is not allowed to be on that agency.
SPEAKER_03Well, something tells me that he's lost your number. So, you know.
SPEAKER_00Probably. I'm sure it's blocked. He's probably, I don't know, made my face turn into something else if he ever sees a text come up or something. But so that is, I don't know if if it's gonna work, but we're gonna go for it because I've never.
SPEAKER_03But here's the beauty of it. If it doesn't work, something else will. It's leading you somewhere else, right? And I'm always like in this process, you will find somebody who's meant to help along the way. That's just how it works.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it has to. It has to. Because I keep thinking that I'm wandering aimlessly and just trying all these side gigs, but no, I have to tell myself, no, it's moving to something, it's moving in the right direction. I'm just taking these little steps the right way. And so Carly and I had the chance to go this weekend to an uh a networking party. And now they're wrestling in here. These stinking dogs. Oh my gosh, I cannot get away. This is unreal. They're just wrestling in this room. Like they can wrestle outside, but they have to be on top of me to do it. They have to be where I am. So I'm sorry if you can hear the growling. I hope you don't but you guys see them.
SPEAKER_03I think I hear the clinking of their collars more than anything.
SPEAKER_00And get them out. Yeah, that's what's so annoying. Take Mabel and get her out of here. Okay, hang on, guys, I gotta call. Okay, I'll help you in just a second. Guess what? I'm like on a podcast live okay, bye. Now she's trying to get in the camera. Can you take her and go out and shut the door for me? Thank you. That's the reality. Yeah, because I'm not gonna edit this. Ain't nobody got time to edit that out.
SPEAKER_03Um, just close the door, Kay, because I can't I have noticed a lot of podcasts that I listen to, they'll say recently it's been like, we're gonna edit this out, right? We're gonna do this, and nobody ever edits anymore.
SPEAKER_00It's just it takes such unnecessary time. I don't care, and I hope none of you do either, because this is real life. Dogs, kids. She wanted to tell me that her knee was hurting because it got scratched, and I'm like, oh my gosh, like you you have to come and open the door to tell me that. What and I even said to them, you guys, I'm podcasting upstairs in the closet, put beauty on the beast in the beast on so they could watch a movie right in time for Disneyland. And no, they all have to come in here, they have to be where I am, look at what I'm looking at, see what I'm seeing. Just drives me nuts. Um, anyway, so I talked to we made some connections there. Carly was a beast, she was just going around and just networking like a boss, just like, hey, I got a couple, I got a couple weeds for you. You did, she totally did. And she got she got me um connected to someone who happens to be connected to somebody that was like the president of the Mountain West uh chapter of speakers, as well as on a national agency or something of speakers. And so she's like, let's get you.
SPEAKER_03He just like I was in the right place at the right time and said, I just said to my friend that found me there what we were doing, she was like, Oh, I should introduce you to so-and-so. And I was like, Okay, you know, it was very little work, it's just that's how I know that we're doing something. It's not it doesn't always work out the way I think. Like my son was thinking about switching schools to a private school last year, and as we were looking into it and doing the interviews and stuff, people that I ran into at Costco were parents there, and you know, like it just kind of felt like there were a lot of things leading us to go there. And then when it just didn't feel right, I was like, but why doesn't it feel right when all of these people that usually would make like make me feel like it's lining up to work out that way? It isn't. And I just thought maybe it was the Lord like putting these people in my place a little bit to like tell us like to um what's sort of looking for, like when it didn't work out to like ease the burn a little bit to prepare us a little, you know, kind of like when I miscarried, I had those little signs along the way that something was gonna happen that wasn't good, you know. So it doesn't always lead to just because we made these contacts doesn't mean that it's gonna be a blaring success right away.
SPEAKER_00But the difference is we're following whatever we think it might be, right? And the world put that in your lap, yeah. Like literally just like here you go. Yep, you know, so nothing to lose. Um so I was gonna say also, it keeps reminding me of Field of Dreams. I love that movie with Kevin Costner. Uh huh. You were saying ease ease his pain, and if you build it, they will come. And I keep thinking that I'm like, it's got to, that's gotta be a thing. And so I talked to him, and you know, he happens to be a psychologist. And he was like, I he's like, so now why do you want to talk to me? Tell me about you first. And so I told him about myself. And knowing that he was a psychologist, I was like, I have hey, I'm gonna take off their collars so it's not so loud. Then you can't hear the tingling, the clinking. So um he just said, I mean, knowing that he was a psychologist, I'm like, I gotta give him some context and some background as to why like I have landed here, instead of just saying, Hey, I want to have speakers and have my own agency. Well, this is why. This is the experience that I have in it. My husband left us. I have gone from one thing to the next, all I think culminating to this, maybe this and maybe something else, but this is the next step I'm gonna attempt and try. And I hear that you have a lot of speaking um experience and you have and you know a lot of speakers. And if I can get a hold of them, or if at least I can get a hold of the event planners, then I can be the go-to person to book them and then I can just make some money because I cannot heal. And he said this: he's like, you can't heal in an environment where there's constant stress, constant load, constant financial pressure, constant heartache and breaking points because the resentment is still brewing, and the resentment and the pain and the bitterness is still like being harbored. And I don't want it there. It's not like I mean for it to be there, but it is hard to like help it all dissolve when I'm constantly panicking.
SPEAKER_03Because that all you're back to the ew, you did this, you know what I mean? Well, it's until you're actually in your yacht, you know, you're still on the door and your toes are in the icy water, right? And so all you can think of is that damn pilot of the ship, whatever you call them. What are they called? Captain. Captain, yeah, who hit the freaking iceberg. Like, could we not have hit the iceberg? Is that too much to ask, you know? And so it you're still with your toes burning trying to figure out what to do. Yeah. So I think, of course, you need to get your whole body out of that ocean, and then you can finally warm up and heal and build that yacht and cruise away and not have a care in the world about anything in the past. Like the past is the past, the iceberg is probably melted by now. By but yeah, but it's impossible.
SPEAKER_00So, for all of you women or anyone out there who is having a hard time forgiving or having a hard time because you feel like resentment is is running your life, and people are saying, why can't you just move on? Why can't you just forgive? Just it's forgiveness is for you, not for him. Well, why can't you just let it go and stop letting it rule run your life? And why do you keep it just keeps controlling you? Like it's not like we want it to be, but it's a constant, painful reminder. I mean, just today I got, which is such a blessing, I got fee waivers approved. Yesterday I got free lunches approved. And yes, people are like, you're so blessed. And I'm like, no, listen, this is not, this isn't like this didn't land in my lap. I sat there and had to apply for it, and I had to prove my poverty and I had to show the pay stubs and the financial deprivation. Like I had to prove that I needed this and I need this.
SPEAKER_03Well, and it's not a space you want to be in anyway. It's not like you're sitting in like a successful place and being like, oh, I won an award, or oh no, like exactly. I just get my kids eating and somebody's helping me. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00More proof. I know this isn't true, but it's more proof that you're failing or that you're stuck in the same place. And I know that's not it, but it just feels like that. And I know it does for so many other women who are like, I'm still on Wick. I'm still on food stamps. My husband is still complaining about his job, which has been the same for 15 years and is not willing to stretch himself and go further, farther, farther, faster and try something, you know, like God has instilled in us this desire to be better and to get to to strive for something. I mean, strive is a word that we are taught all the time in the gospel. Striving, doing your best, trying as hard as you possibly can and not giving up, not throwing in the towel and moving forward and pressing on.
SPEAKER_03It's why not like let's be clear though, for the women, it's not it's not striving because we think we need to be perfect. It has nothing to do with perfection. But time and time and time again, if you talk to my dad about criminals, people he rest all the time, and you know, people that we would consider low life or whatever, when people are, you know, not reaching anywhere close to their potential, it's because if you can't, if you don't know that you can do hard things, you don't value yourself. Like you strive so that you can feel that individual worth, right? It's like um you you stop looking at yourself as somebody that you can respect, right? Like um, what's his face on the Ramsey channel? Um, Dr. John Malone Del Deloney, that's his name, right? When people call in and he's like, I'm sorry that you're in this place you never thought you'd be in, that you're the person that you never thought you would be, because he doesn't like mince words, you know. He says, start trying to be the person that you want to be. Start, you know, tipping people, start serving people, start, you know, do these things, and then you'll start to believe that you are a good person and living up to that, right? So that's why we strive. It's not because we need perfection, it's so that we can feel that intrinsic value that's in us that we are not recognizing, so that we can then become like so we can be changed, so we can let the atonement change us.
SPEAKER_00And that's what Elder Corbridge was saying, right? So I went off on this self-esteem trend, and oh, you're everyone's a winner and everyone gets a trophy just for trying and just for being a part of it. And he's like, No, or we're actually nothing, and we actually owe everything that we have and everything that's given to us to God because everything good in our lives comes from him, and we need to be more grateful and showing our gratitude because the more that you do that, um, the more that you believe in yourself and you believe in the power of God blessing you, you know, all these things, like the more that's when the manifesting, that's when the the um that's when you see the the blessings. Yeah, that's when it all comes full circle, you know, which is I've needed to hear that because I have this very skewed sense of what manifesting is because of who I lived with, and this very skewed uh perspective of sorry, uh this this perspective of if you just think about it, then it will happen.
unknownRight.
SPEAKER_00And if you just like put it out there in the in the universe and you think about positive things and you have positive thinking, and that's why when I talked to this guy, he studies positive psychology, and I was kind of like, ugh, I got it like a bad taste in my mouth. But he he happens he happens to have been in the court system himself, and he's like, it was so dark and so bad that I needed to change my entire way of making money in care, yes, to be something positive because it was so ugly. I'm like, I've been in it. So what I did want to say about him, he um he said to me, I want to help you um not only with this in this new thing you're doing, but I want to help you probably in the counseling department, because he said that he would give me some free sessions, which I was like, great, because I can't pay for therapy, and he's a psychologist, and he said, I want to pay it forward because God has blessed me so much. And so all I ask is that you pay it forward and that you help others. And I said, Well, look, I have a following of some hardcore loyal women, and I got about 150 of them in my freaking phone in a group who are trapped in family courts, and until I can get myself free of the debris and free from this freezing cold, submersive like water, and I can be healing myself and feel warm and ready, hot and ready like freaking little Caesars pizza. I can get and start helping these other women and pay it forward to them because I feel this duty to speak for them because they've been silenced too. And he said And they will probably forever be silenced.
SPEAKER_03A lot of them will never be able to tell their story, right?
SPEAKER_00Right. And so I'm gonna tell it for them, you know, and I'm gonna bring attention to it. And I believe, again, a therapist told me that she believes that this is the women's pull of in this generation, like in this time, this is the women's pull in the gospel. And if our women's interesting, and if our mothers are are suffering and can't pull the hand cart, you know, if that if they can't get up and and guide their children because they're under so much stress and their children are being taken from them and trafficked basically in family court, then then our world is gone. Gonzo.
SPEAKER_03Like just women. We gotta pause here for a second because I only know the reference that you just made because when I was in high school um in the Seattle area, we did Trek. And some some areas in Utah still do it, some don't. Um, my little brother and his wife, they just did Trek up in Canada. But for those who don't do it as LDS people, because you're thinking of it. Yeah, or for those who are not members, the pioneer trek from where they were like it. I just learned this week that it was like 1970 something. It was still legal to shoot and unalive uh a Mormon in like New York and Missouri. And like, yeah, yeah, it lasted a long time. I think it was New York for sure that was in the 70s. Freaking gum dogs. Yeah, and I I think that was Missouri, but I don't know the date on Missouri anyway.
SPEAKER_00So and for people again that don't know, there was an order to exterminate the Mormons.
SPEAKER_03Yes, yes, so you could like exactly just because you wanted to. Yeah, so um, but that so that's why the Saints left and they came to Utah. That's why Salt Lake was created by established by all of these LDS people, right? And so that trek is the pioneer trek, and so a lot of people will kind of like recreate it as a way to the pioneer trek with the youth. With the yeah, so you'll have parents in the ward in our youth or in our church congregation that will take the youth and you dress like you're a pioneer and you go do hard, like a hard journey through you know, different terrain depends on where you are. Yeah, and you pull hand carts, yeah, exactly. So you eat like the pioneers. I remember this is such a sidetrack, but it's so funny. Um, in my group, so I've not never been like a super smelly person, but I know there are some people who are, and the pioneers did not have deodorant. So on our packing list was not deodorant, but there was chapstick, they had chapstick back then. So there were guys in my deodorant unit that was on that you couldn't bring in. They didn't have it as pioneers, so they're like, You can't have it. And we're the boys in my group, they're like, uh-uh. So they literally took chapstick tubes because that was allowed because they had chapstick, and they took out the chapstick in the tube and put deodorant in it.
SPEAKER_00Oh my gosh, that's horrible. Another fact, my sister, like she always laughs in our faces because she's like, You didn't experience a real pioneer track. When I went on mine, we were allotted a cup of water, and or like whatever cup you took was the cup that you drank from. And so it was like this big because she didn't know, like it. Like it was her mess mess mess kit. Yeah. Yep. She didn't know that whatever she brought was all she got. So she was dehydrated. It was actually really dangerous. Yeah. Yeah. They were dehydrated. They were getting sick. And you know, you could have readers saying, Well, this is the pioneers, but like not anymore.
SPEAKER_03I know. Yeah, exactly. So I think part of how they do track now has adapted a little bit so that you don't have those harsh, you know, things that can be.
SPEAKER_00She had to go and like grab chickens and pluck the hairs, like yours, I mean the hairs. Oh my gosh. Yes.
SPEAKER_03We didn't, I did not have to do that. We like cooked in a kettle thing. What are those called? Yeah, the like the iron cast cast iron. Yeah. The Dutch oven. There you go. Anyway, but the reason why we're telling you about Trek, it was really cool. And I actually had a total crush on one of the guys in my group, which was it was because I was on the younger side and he was on the older side, so that made it more fun. I don't think I ever saw him before or after that much, but it made Trek fun to have a cube going in my group.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_03But I having very little understanding of what the Pioneer Trek was really like and the history of it or anything like that. When we were pulling the hand carts, I mean, and I will also preface this with I have a terrible memory. So I don't remember like a ton of things. Sometimes things will spark my memory, but this is an event that I actually remember and think about from time to time because it almost makes me weepy because I remember like pulling the hand cart or pushing, you know, holding on to it. I think I was more pushing than pulling, but um, and we were pushing up the hill, and then all of a sudden the men disappeared. And I was like, wait, what? And that is symbolic of, you know, when they had the men had to leave to go in the battalion and to, you know, that kind of stuff when the women were having American war or something. I don't know. I can't remember the history well enough. I really need to.
SPEAKER_00Spanish American, something like that.
SPEAKER_03The little they had to have the Mormon battalion, which I think at the time the military for the whole country was 6,000 soldiers, and I think the Mormon battalion at some time had 3,000, if I remember it. I could be totally wrong. Um, I heard that recently on something I was listening to, but um, but they did have husbands and um the fathers of their kids, their their kids themselves, the older young men, whatever. They had to go and leave like their families to go fight. Yeah, it was like they were drafted, exactly. So all of a sudden we're pushing and it's like about to be a hill. And so I'm like pushing with all my might and the men disappear. And it was like confusing to me, but then also it was like the first time in my life that I remember feeling like this like I am woman, hear me roar, I will do it. Like very like I am capable. I I don't know where these guys went or what they're doing, but I'm not gonna stop. And like I I had to like dig from within and actually make it happen, you know. And I don't know for the the people sitting watching if it was hilarious, if we were really pushing as hard as fast as we thought that we were, but it was a moment that I remember feeling unprepared, but also prepared. You know what I mean? Like I was unprepared to see those men go and what it meant. But when it pushed Kim to Chev, I I could do it. I was pushing it. We didn't I was like, we don't need those men, you know, we can do it. Yeah, did I want them? Yes. Did we need them? No, we didn't, you know.
SPEAKER_00And so yeah. In my experience, we're pulling this thing, but it's the hardest part of the whole trek. Because exactly it was up the hill. Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. And we had to I like that analogy.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, I know. I did too. I loved it, and I've never forgotten it. And so I know I don't know if for if for you, but when we did the women's pull, they call it, um, we had to do it in silence. Did they have you guys do that? I think so. I think it was, but I mean, and then you know, some of the things it was somber. Yeah, and some of those men never returned, and you know, and these women are pulling these hand carts by themselves and they're pushing and they're giving it everything they've got. And they literally, and I did too, we girded up our loins, which means you take your skirt or whatever this the long linen that you know that you're wearing, and we pulled it up and like tied it in a knot around the crotch. So you have got to work. Yeah, so you've got um pantaloons, you've got pants instead of a skirt that you can actually push in. I remember one of the Portuguese sisters next to me, we she couldn't take the silence anymore. And I'm like, I I understand, I understand now. So instead of like talking, she yet out that let out this huge, like grunting, groaning, like roar to push it up and just and then it gave us all this like this xena kind of like having a baby, yeah, exactly, because it does get primal. There's this print because I did, I had this like primal grunting and like you know, when you are pushing. And so when I what I mean by that, when I say the women's poll, it was reverent.
SPEAKER_03I want to say that before you move on. I feel like the silent because I like the analogy. When I said I liked the analogy, it wasn't just that they did that on track, it's your analogy. I love when you said it's like the women's poll right now because I feel like um when you talk about spiritual warfare, there's a lot of different congregations and a lot of Christian traditions that are coming out saying this is good against evil, this is not left versus right or whatever, right? This is good against evil. And, you know, uh that is we we need to have reverence for things that are spiritual, right? It adds gravity and it adds um like reality, like truth. It's not just in the movies, like this is real, and we need to like I don't know a better word than reverence because it's respect, but it's also sacred acknowledging, yeah, it's it's sacred, but acknowledging that it's real and that we need to give everything we have to this very real spiritual thought battle that also requires some physical fight, right? Like our spirit and our body are uniting to fight, yeah, and that so it's our soul, right? We're fighting this battle with our whole soul. And you calling this time in our um, you know, history of the world the women's poll, I think is so good because there's that quote. I need to memorize it that talks about how we need women right now. Yeah, you know that quote. Well, are you talking about the one from President Nelson?
SPEAKER_00I think so. I mean, I can probably oh well, he talks about how we need to hear women speak up and speak out. We need their advice, we need their opinions. Maybe you're thinking of a different one.
SPEAKER_03It's like we need women who are um like faithful in the gospel is a baby. Yeah, it's like yes, it's like faithful and you know, instead I don't remember the words he uses though, but instead he uses like words that are are applied more to the world, and then he has the the opposite adjective for what we need. You know, we basically need to be less worldly and and carry some of the weight because um we we're capable. And I think that what you're seeing with with the sister missionaries right now is that very thing where women hit hit people in a way that men can't. Yeah, and we're very needed. It's not necessarily our responsibility.
SPEAKER_00I mean, and it's not all men's, but more men's hearts are failing.
SPEAKER_03Women's hearts are failing them for sure. You're seeing it with women too. And I think Satan attacks women on purpose because whole families fall when you get a when you get the mom to fall, whole families go. Right.
SPEAKER_00So she leads the family, and they say, I think it was President Oaks that said, I mean, I this is we hear this all the time, but the only other place more sacred than the temple is your home.
SPEAKER_03And if all I don't even think it's I think that the quote is it's as sacred as the temple, which to me is huge because what we do in the temple um spans eternity, right? The things that we do in the temple are not just things that affect us here, but they affect us forever. And to say that our home has the same impact, that it's that sacred, is huge. What we're doing on our homes impacts the rest of eternity. Yeah, that's huge. Yeah, that's like the quote that says Um the hand that it's like the the hand that changes the future is the one that rocks the cradle or something like that.
SPEAKER_00Like I mean, and that's not even a church quote. No, it's not because the world changes when women are successful, when women feel like contribute, yes. I mean, I just was watching, like I said, Beauty and the Beast downstairs with the kids for the first time, which if you're watching or if you're listening, I got little five-year-old Naomi with me. But I was just watching um Beauty and the Beast, and Gaston says to Belle as she's reading and saying, There's not much more. There must be more than this provincial life. Oh, yeah. Just watch, I'm going to make Belle my wife. Remember that part? Anyway, and then he says, He says, What are you doing, Belle? You're reading a book, and she's like, Yes, I'm reading a book. And he's like, Don't be the women shouldn't be reading. Basically, they should be serving us and they should be, you know, yeah. Yeah, get in the kitchen. And I'm just, it was starting to rage as I'm watching Beauty and the Beast. I'm like, this is great. We're teaching our kids. Luckily, Bell can't stand Gaston, but I'm like, This is ridiculous.
SPEAKER_03That's well, that's the whole point. That that and they make his character one that you hate for that reason, is because it's teaching young women that's not the case. In fact, this is what I studied in college, so I will chime in here and tell you that studies show that the most successful families are the ones where moms have an education. Like, not that you go and use it outside of the home, it has nothing to do with your occupation. But the best moms are the ones that educated themselves. It makes sense.
SPEAKER_00And so, I mean, and back to the women's poll, and then we'll close this because I don't know how long she'll last or she'll bug me again, huh? But you'll never bug us.
SPEAKER_03Look at the wait, stop appreciate those dimples. Come on now.
SPEAKER_00She's just got such a cute little dimple right there. Yeah, it's so cute cheek. But it was the one of one one of two times that I have ever seen my dad cry was when we reached the summit on the women's pull. Because it's inspiring. And if I can do that, if I can be successful in my own home, taking care of my own needs and the needs of my children and my own, you know, uh house and things that are broken and insurance and all the things that we all have to pay for. If I can do that and I don't have to panic every month, then I can use the things that I've learned and the money that I've made. Oh, okay. And I can change the world by helping other women be able to lead their families and almost liberate them. And that's what I loved about what this doctor said before I forget. He said he said, I feel like it's a duty to help be uh like a minister to you. I was like, he meant like kind of like a you know, home teacher. He's like, I want to offer some of my services because I believe that I've been told to feed my sheep. He said that sometimes we have to feed the shepherds. And I was so honored, you know, because I felt like he was, you know, making me sound like a leader. Yes. I can hopefully, if he can help to feed the shepherd, like not that I believe in myself, but I can then help other women.
SPEAKER_03Well, I think that you um what I was gonna say earlier is it is important to feed the shepherd. I love that line too, because um the shepherd is no good to anybody if they're laid up sick or if the lion eats them, you know, like you gotta you gotta take care of the shepherd too. But I think what makes your situation so unique and important is that you are the shepherd of these women who need you, but you also have these sheep at in your home. And the point that I want to drive home is because most people listening to this podcast, they're not gonna go and they don't have the the resources or even the the ability or the um like they're not situated to go and reach 150 other women right now. Yeah, I feel like if you have but if you have one or two children in your home, it doesn't matter how many you have, but if you have a child, like that is the goal. That's how you change the future, that's how you lead, that's how you change the world. You can change the world through your your child that you're raising and making making them have instead of a false sense of pride, a real sense of pride and letting them struggle and learn what they're capable of and you know, and help them succeed through work and not manifesting, you know what I mean? Like helping them develop the skills that will really help them. It's you know, it's like teach a man to um give a man a fish, feed him for a day, teach a man to fish, feed him for his life. It's that kind of thing. As a mom, if we're teaching our children how to fish, we will be the kind of successful that we really aim to be. And then if you can go and help the 150 other people as a shepherd, that's fantastic. Yeah, but for all the the women listening, it's so important just to do what's in your home. Just be the shepherd to those in your home.
SPEAKER_00Because eventually this little lady will have her own kids and hopefully be able to say, Well, my mom told me and my mom showed me, and my mom helped me with whatever it is, because that's that's the goal.
SPEAKER_03Or my mom, like what she has to do that's hard, won't look the same as what you have to do that's hard. But she can, I mean, like you talk about your ancestor that was kidnapped by the Native Americans, right? She's not you weren't kidnapped, but you're having to do very hard things. And you look to that ancestor and say, Well, if she didn't do that, I can do this. That's where gritty.
SPEAKER_00That is where gritty mamas came from, is finding the resilience and the strength and knowing that if they can do it, like I'm not gonna be the one to throw in the towel. I want to make them proud. I want Heavenly Father to know that he can count on me to keep being a missionary, to build the kingdom of God, and I do that first right here. Yep, you know, and she'll do it too. Yeah, and once they're taken care of, hopefully I can use the the excess, there better be excess to help fund other women who are trying to do the same thing, but uh but can't. Because I have been in the can't. I've been there. So anyway, thank you guys for listening. Hopefully you were as inspired as I have felt always with Carly. And sorry for the loud noises from the dogs and the water and the Oh, I thought you were gonna say sorry for having Carly here for those who don't who don't like her. No, I was laughing after those last moments on the last one. For the little bit of juice that I'll give you. Um, let's see. An agreement. She wants to show you her nails. An agreement, yep, they're so pretty. An agreement has been signed. So I now have soul, I always had sole physical custody, and I have now sole legal custody. So I can freaking make the decisions and not have to ask permission for something I've been doing for 18 years.
SPEAKER_03You have that means you have passports.
SPEAKER_00That means that every time you go to the dentist or the doctor, you don't have to report or keep track of anything, or they can't say, Oh, Your Honor, she made a unilateral decision to get uh a tons of appendix out. Yes. Oh my gosh, and there's so many women that are getting like the lady whose kid was in the dryer that this that the dad turned on, right? And she took the kid to the doctor, and he's like, You made a unilateral decision to take the kid to the doctor for the problem that he had caused to begin with. So anyway, I have soul legal, soul physical, I have uh the the um possession of the passports, I have the house, it belongs to me. We ended up exchanging uh support that was in the arrears for equity in the house. So I own the house free and clear. And I mean you own the mortgage, true.
SPEAKER_03That's very true. Right, but let's take that. When you sell the house, the profit is yours, and that's what's important.
SPEAKER_00Yep, that's exactly right. So he doesn't get any equity. His equity has been eaten up in back pay, which is so pathetic. Um, and I also have there was something else I really wanted that I demanded. Anyway, there's just a little bit of that um that I'll share because for the those of you, and then we can talk more about that in a in a f in a an upcoming podcast when things aren't as fresh and we're not as afraid to speak crap on the petitioner.
SPEAKER_03No, we'll never speak crap. Only truth. We're trying to not be gossipy. I think that's why people don't like it.
SPEAKER_00It's just freaking the truth. It is the truth and nothing but the truth. Like, I haven't I haven't tried to exaggerate. I may exaggerate my emotions, but like the things that I have shared are things that have happened. It is not my pers Maybe it is. I don't feel like I'm being biased to myself. Like I am. It's your thoughts, your feelings on facts that have occurred. Yes, thank you. That's exactly what it is, and they are facts and they have occurred, and he'll share them in a different way, but I'm giving you the truth. He's welcome to Yeah, go ahead. He's the one that wanted this to be free speech. Like, let us just say whatever we want to say. That was his idea. His attorney said, Well, why don't we just let them say the parties say what they want to say? And I was like, done, because I am sick of being accused of disparagement, bro. Sick and tired of it.
SPEAKER_03So I do I don't think that you knew when you signed that, and that the attorney knew when he came up with that how far that would go. Like how not not the uh not like how far you would take it, but like that you would be able to speak up for so many women who can't speak for themselves. Like it's not just about you like releasing or you feeling understood or whatever, it's about you being able to talk about principles and um like actual truthful events, things going on around. It's not just me that it's happened to, right?
SPEAKER_00Exactly. But they cannot speak. Yeah, this is not like some special unique story, like, no, I have just been one of thousands upon thousands of women dealing with the same bull crap in the family court system with corrupt attorneys and corrupt judges and men and sometimes women that accuse a bunch of nonsense.
SPEAKER_03And they get away with it because of these gag orders. And so when when you're now that you're not gagged, it's like I think that they probably are like, oh, this might not go well for for the petitioner, but I don't think they realize that like you would be so driven to speak out for women in general.
SPEAKER_00And all I can say is President Nelson said, speak up and speak out. He said it word for word, and I'm freaking going to. I will not be silenced. And Naomi just said, Are you almost done? So yes, we will end this. Thank you for listening.
SPEAKER_03We will be silenced, but not by men. We will be silenced by children.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03It's always it's like when we're at Costco or whatever, and they're like grabbing your hand. We gotta go, mom, we gotta go. That's my life. I've done corrected.
SPEAKER_00She owns me. You will be silenced, just not by a man.
SPEAKER_03And on that note, goodbye.
SPEAKER_00We'll see you next time.
SPEAKER_03See you guys.