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Embrace The Great
Family Ties, Fatherhood, and Finding Purpose: A Real Talk with Uncle Shea
In this heartfelt episode of Embrace the Great, host Shawn sits down with a very special guest—his uncle, Shea Scott—for a raw and reflective conversation that cuts deep into family, manhood, and personal growth. With co-host Dominique out being a dad at his son’s scrimmage, Sean and Shea dive into how they discovered they were actually family, what that journey looked like, and how it reshaped both their lives.
They explore everything from fatherhood, emotional maturity, and childhood influences to self-reflection, spiritual growth, and the discipline many young men are missing today. You’ll hear about Shawn's powerful experience meeting his grandmother for the first time at 14, Shea’s personal accountability journey, and their shared mission to be authentic role models.
From laughs about bowling victories to powerful reflections on generational shifts, social media influence, and even Charleston White’s controversial views—this episode is packed with real talk, wisdom, and connection. Plus, they wrap it all up with a fun “Pick Six” segment and a look at the impact of Black family dynamics.
Tune in if you're ready for truth, inspiration, and the kind of conversation that stays with you.
Welcome to this week's episode of Embrace the Great Podcast with your host Sean Ellaby. Today, Dominique could not be here. He had to go to his son's scrimmage, you know, being fatherly. But we have a guest in here today, and that is my family. I got my uncle Shea Scott. How's everybody doing? How's everybody doing? Okay, so we typically get you off the show and I always ask Dominique kind of what's on your mind. What's on your mind today, Shea?
SPEAKER_00:Um, just life in general, man.
SPEAKER_01:Uh... Me making the right decisions. Me making the right decisions and just trying to be a better leader and father to my kids. Understand that. Look, I'm coming off a weekend of excitement. My daughter turned 21 years old and I got to go up there and hang out with her and a couple of her college friends. And you can almost tell that she just wanted to invite us to not make us feel excluded because she was really having fun with her friends. But I was thankful to be able to come see her and her element. But we went bowling. And for the record, I beat everybody just so everybody know that I did take home the crown. And I thought I had more competition, but they really weren't that good. But that was just kind of the start of the weekend, man. And one of the things we're going to talk about today, and you brought it up, we were talking about beforehand, is how we come to know each other. And I would like for you to say your side of it, and I'm going to go ahead and speak on my side of it, and how this evolution came We're Uncle and Nephew
SPEAKER_00:Your response was, that's my dad.
SPEAKER_01:Took me by surprise, so I had to get up, go call my mom at the time. Get up like, mom, somebody say, where's their daddy? She was like, I'll be around there. She walked through the door. All he said was, hey. Her response was, just call me grandma, baby. Okay, so let me take you to the backdrop of how I got to this story, right? So... Playing basketball was actually at a tournament in Atlanta. Well, I got back from Atlanta. My mama kind of called me into the room. She was like, Sean. I'm like, what's up? Somebody was kind of watching you play basketball and like how you played. So 14-year-old Sean, I'm like, okay, I got a scout already. Like, who looking at me playing ball type thing? So, you know, I'm kind of excited. And then she kept talking. She was like, well, his name is Horace Goodman. He is your father. And I'm kind of looking at her like, what? So I'm still kind of like confused, looking at her like crazy. And she was like, well, I know he got a brother last name Scott. I said, Shayton? Like, yeah, that sounds like it is. I'm like, okay. I know him. Like, oh, yeah. She kind of kept going. By then, I went thinking. I'm like, what did she just tell me? And so I slept on it. I'm like, okay, I'm going to talk to Shay first thing tomorrow when I see him. So when I got to the Boys and Girls Club, I went up to Shay. Shay, you know a dude named Horace Goodman? He was like, yeah, that's my brother. I said, man, I was told that was my father. Let me explain how you did it. What? What? Wait, hold up. You jump up, walk to home, which wasn't far, and then come back with my grandma. And she just, I say, hey, how you doing? She just look at me. You can call me grandma, Hazel, whatever you feel comfortable with. I'm like, okay. So I'm sitting here like, well, she just took it with a grain of salt because most mothers were like, okay, I got to get some DNA tests. I got to get something going to see what's going on. But what I found out later, we looked so much alike at that age that it was almost impossible. She looked like she was looking at her son again, and that was She told me later on, like, y'all look so much alike that I would be stupid to try to deny it. So it was one of those things. And from there, me and grandma been taking thieves. And just kind of thinking about it and reminiscing, you know, she passed away on August 25th, 11 years ago. And I thought about her a lot, but me and her had some really, really good times. And she was, how I say this, she was a confidant. Like, you know, one of the things I miss is coming back to Florence, working in Florence, On my lunch breaks, I would just go to her house and might be laying up, might take a nap and everything. And I wake up, she didn't cook for me. She didn't did a whole bunch of stuff for me. And I always say the backgrounds were different. So, you know, not knowing her for 14 years and getting to know her, I was like the first time I bit her fried chicken, man, I was mad. That was the part I was mad at more than anything else. Like, how did I miss this my whole life? But she had a gift in the kitchen, man. Like, so, and it was just one of those things that, you know, again, pivotal point in my life. But at the same time, you're Take stuff how they come and you make the best out of them. Right. So what was your initial thoughts when she gave that hug and said, just call me grandma? Don't let the cat bite your tongue. I mean, honestly, what in the hell do you see that I don't? But then, like you said, once I saw Horace in younger pictures, okay, yeah, that's my nephew. No argument there. Once I saw that, I knew it. And so describe the relationship from then on. Describe it from your point of view. I mean, honestly... It
SPEAKER_00:pretty much got stronger as we got older. It's grown. It's more so
SPEAKER_01:of
SPEAKER_00:a
SPEAKER_01:brotherly
SPEAKER_00:thing
SPEAKER_01:than uncle and nephew. I got you. So one of the questions I always ask anybody who jump on the podcast, and it's something simple, but how do you think your childhood affected your grown-up life?
UNKNOWN:Hmm.
SPEAKER_01:Anything in particular from childhood that you remember helped shape your thought process, helped shape how you move? What part of your childhood affected your adult life? Okay, I can be honest. The part
SPEAKER_00:of my childhood that has affected my adult life is my... Listening to my mother about decision-making
SPEAKER_01:and the people you keep around you. Okay, that's always big. And, you know, you hear that, and I know some people don't think about it on that level because, again, I heard that in high school, but I've always been fortunate to have some good friends and know how to weed out friends. And I say weed out, not necessarily saying, you know, I don't like you, this, that, and the other, but our paths don't align. So the way I'm walking, it may not agree with where you're walking but the way I see things in life is man we have intersections at some point we're going to pass each other at some point so I want to make it a positive impact on whatever it is so I got people that I grew up with spent a lot of time with coming up and we don't hang out as much but again it comes from different life choices but in that same breath there's no love lost like you can come sit back talk and laugh joke like old times but then you know you hear and again I'm hearing this from my peers and people who I went to school with and people around my age man I look up to you I'm like what am I doing to make somebody look up to me besides living life you know in a way that's when I say true and authentic like I like to be how I say this I'm a very truthful person you ask me how I think I'm gonna tell you but I don't volunteer my opinion unless it's asked for right
SPEAKER_00:well
SPEAKER_01:I mean with that
SPEAKER_00:I can say this I've told you before that you inspire me so I can
SPEAKER_01:see how you can be inspirational to Well, explain that to me so I can get it. Because I'm just thinking, I'm a regular kid that grew up in Florence and figuring things out on the way. Like I said, in life, most of the time I'm winging it. Like, honestly, man, it's just like, with you, you make it look easy. You do. I mean, you wear a lot of hats. Yeah. But you wear them well and you wear them to the point to where it doesn't look like you're phased even when you may be. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And I think it's just that and the way you continuously carry yourself, not only as a man, but as a human being, as a father as well. I think that's inspirational
SPEAKER_01:to a lot of your friends, family, and others who see that. And I think that's why a lot of kids gravitate towards you because of that, I guess you could say, fatherly comfort they feel in your presence. Yeah, and where I think it comes from, man, is just listening. Like, that's the biggest tool I think I have is I listen to people. Like, because some people, you know, when they talk, most people want people to listen to them, but have someone listen to them. So if I can open up my ear, and again I always one of those quotes I give my kids you got two ears and one mouth for a reason listen twice as much as you speak because you can never learn anything speaking you're only repeating what you already know whereas you're listening that's the opportunity for learning and growth so I take that so I talk to kids to get their feedback to get their understanding you know in life has thrown me a lot of curve balls so I don't take anything like too hard like I understand life goes on like you don't stay in bad places forever and we make choices and the choices we make kind of accumulate over time like one choice can lead to another one but if you make this choice you won't be able to make other choices so I always try to make sure that I'm doing the right thing in almost all situations or in one so I can live with myself at peace like I can honestly say I don't feel like I've done anybody like intentionally wrong in my whole life like I you know I'm gonna get over on this person oh yeah I'm the type I'll let you get over on me and you know okay you won You got it, but just know that's where it's going to end at because I recognize it, but at the same time, pick and choose your battles. Like, is it worth fighting? Are they going to do this, or what's the outcome of it? And I start thinking about those type things when I make decisions, when I'm listening to people, and just hope for the best outcome, but not even just hoping for the best outcome, like dictating what you can. And it's one of those things, control the things you have control over. Everything else, you know, you can't pray and worry. And as I got older, especially with children, You learn to pray a little bit more. Once I put the prayer in there, I trust God. I can say that completely humbly, like I trust God, so whatever is supposed to happen will happen, and life isn't 10% of what happens to you, 90% how you respond to it. So I try not to let my highs get too high, my lows get too low, but understand like once things happen, how do I respond? And that's how I kind of carry my life, and it's like, you know, sometimes I question why are other people doing this, but then it's like everybody don't have the same experiences to give them that, I don't want to say emotional intelligence or mental toughness. One of the two, whichever one you choose to take. But, you know, you pick and choose your battles, man. And I like to– I like challenges. But in the same breath, it's challenging with a positive outcome. Like regardless of what, if I put myself into something, the most important asset we have is our time. So when I put time into stuff, I want to make sure it's good. I want to make sure my name associated with it is something that's going to be positive. thorough, and just one of those, it represents me. I want to be viewed as that, but not just viewed as that. I want to be authentically that so that the perception is real and not just a made-up perception of how they think it should be. I got you on that. And just
SPEAKER_00:to add a little something, like me, myself, I went through a period of where I had to self-reflect. When I moved to Virginia... I didn't have chaos and everything to keep me occupied so I wouldn't have to face or think about the messed up stuff. So when I reflected, I actually had a chance to look back and realized
SPEAKER_01:that a lot of the stuff I did wrong to whether it was people, women, whoever, a lot of it came from selfish thinking. Oh, yeah. Go ahead. Keep going. And I didn't realize that until then because I wasn't trying to face the fact until I had to. And I had to because I
SPEAKER_00:had nothing to occupy my mind. And when I came to that conclusion, I called everybody I could think of that I did hurt, and I apologize.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Because they
SPEAKER_01:didn't deserve what they got. Yeah, and I think a lot of people battle their own personal battles, and that self-reflection is huge, man, because when I started doing it myself, it was, okay, I got to be better at this. I can't make this excuse. And one of the things you hear me say, I don't make excuses. I make it happen. So if something come up, I'm like, okay, how can it happen? Like I'm not, you know, one of those, oh, it can't happen. I don't feel like doing it because I'm like, no, okay, let's sit down and think about it. Like what are the steps to get to the desired result that we want?
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_01:And so I sit here and methodically think about it. Okay, this is step one. This is step two. This is step three. These are the things I have control over. Things I don't have control over, again, I let go and I let God. And I had to learn that, and that's come from me self-reflecting and not realizing that I can't put my hands on everything, and everything that I do is not going to be 100% perfect or great. But putting forth that effort and continuously trying, I'll deal with the end results. And sometimes that's all it takes is for you to continuously try. Yeah, and never give up, man. Look, one of the things, one of the poems I live by is Invictus. Out of the night that covers me, black as a pit from pole to pole. And that's off memory, and I learned it through Omega, but it's one of the things that carried me through life because, again, nothing's going to stop. You see everything through when And I say see everything through because everything don't stay bad forever. Some people get in that dark place and think it's forever. But, no, life is full of ebbs and flows. Like you're going to have some great times, some outstanding times. You're laughing, joking, playing. And you're going to have some time where you're in the corner, want to cry, quiet, and everything else. So understand that comes with life. So when you're in those dark moments, when you're in those moments, don't know what to do. Again, every journey starts with one step. So that first step you take to getting out of that is a positive step and a– a way to change your current outlook on whatever you're doing. And everybody has a different walk in life, man. So I don't try to sit here and judge people on their walks. That's one of the things I try to pride myself on. And again, my childhood helped me with that. My mama and grandma that I grew up with, they never judged anybody, man. We welcomed everybody to our house. We had white folks, Hispanic folks, gay, anybody who can come to our house. They were welcomed, you know, first and foremost, it was friendly atmosphere. We laugh, joke, and make sure we have a festive time. And That kind of carried through my life. So when I go around people, that's what I'm used to and accustomed to. So I don't see why we can't have a good time in a lot of situations. Yeah, that's true,
SPEAKER_00:man. And that's one thing I can say as well. When I first met your grandma and mom,
SPEAKER_01:it was just like I had known them for years. Like, it wasn't just like we was just meeting. They treated me like they had known I was your uncle for, you know what I'm saying, forever. And it was just great to be ingratiated like that because, you know, not everybody gets that from family, especially when
SPEAKER_00:you know, something might have happened between the parents. Correct. You know, so that was a real good feeling to know that, you know, regardless of
SPEAKER_01:whatever went down went down, they were still willing to be, you know. Good people. Yeah, you know, like open their arms. One thing I learned, if I ever have a problem with a person, I'm going directly to that person. I always tell my kids, go directly to the source because you can't go by what other people are saying because Other people inject their feelings, their opinions, and sometimes it can muddy the water. You can go directly to the source and get a straight answer and go from there. And as I get older, I learn everybody does not like directness. Some people don't like it, and it can be viewed as different ways. But come around me, man, be able to take direct. And it's not malicious. It's not trying to hurt feelings. It's just like I was talked to straight up, so that's how I know how to talk. And to be honest, I feel like, and this is just
SPEAKER_00:my personal opinion, I feel like those who can't take, you know, honest criticism or direct criticism, I feel like those are the
SPEAKER_01:ones who have been pampered and baby all their life. Like, they haven't actually had nobody to...
SPEAKER_00:get on them and scold them like we may have. You know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_01:And I don't want to say get on and scold. Like you say, tell the truth with the hopes of they take it and get better, not they take it and get bitter. And sometimes people take it and get bitter, and it's like, okay, I got family members I know I've been straight up with, and like, look, I'm looking for you to do X, Y, Z. Why haven't it been done yet when you're asking me these questions? But I'm going to help you if you want to help yourself. And it's one of those, you know, the more you're trying to help yourself, the more people are willing to help you. But when you're just talking and you want an audience, then it I'm going to just listen to you and just keep moving. Like I'm not going to listen long, but I'm going to keep it going. And just to kind of get on something light, man, you got anything else to say on that?
SPEAKER_00:I
SPEAKER_01:think pretty much covered that. Okay. Well, I know Dominique do a session called Pick Six, man. I'm going to give you some stuff and you tell me either or. All right. And we're going to go from there. Hulu or Netflix? Either or. You got to pick one, man. That's what it's called. Pick one.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, you said I could go with either or. No, you got to pick
SPEAKER_01:one. Netflix. I'm going with Netflix. Marvel or DC? Marvel. Oh, man.
UNKNOWN:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Scary movie or romantic comedy? Honestly, I'll take a romantic comedy. Okay, I thought for sure you were going to say scary movie. I like rom-coms too, man, I guess because I've been in relationships with them. That's all my wife likes to watch. So I got out of the scary movie. Me and my sister used to watch scary movies coming up. I could tell you about all of them. And I got married. My wife ain't do scary movies. So romantic comedy it is. Iron Man or Captain America?
SPEAKER_02:I'm
SPEAKER_01:going to go with Iron Man. You sure? You got to think about that one a long time. Yeah, I'm going to go with Iron Man. Okay, pancakes or waffles? Pancakes all day with the burnt edges. And last one, tea or coffee? Hot. That's on you. I'm going to go with iced coffee. Iced coffee, okay. Well, if Netflix or Hulu, I'm going Netflix as well. Marvel or DC, definitely Marvel. What was the other one? Iron Man or Captain America, I'm going Iron Man. Scary movie or rom-com, I already said rom-com. And tea or coffee, I'm always going to choose tea.
UNKNOWN:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:And that was all right. Anything else you got on your mind, man? We can sit here and discuss any hot topics or stuff that come up. Well, we asked this question last week. Okay. Right now, who is your favorite Internet celebrity? Like Internet character, the follower, whatever the case may be. Social media influencer. I guess that would be the word.
SPEAKER_00:That's... And I'm going to be honest. It's kind of hard for me because I only... Check out Select People.
SPEAKER_01:Go ahead, let it go. Trey Rags. Trey Rags, what's he on? I ain't never heard of him. He does like little skits and things of that nature. Okay. Trey Rags, pretty good. Right now I always say mine, Charleston White, but I also like Big Ja. Big Ja put together some stuff too that trips me up. Charleston White is a fool. Yeah, man. So we talking about Charleston White. What's something you remember about Charleston White? What's the most memorable thing he said that you remember? Just his disrespect, period. What do you mean disrespect? Man, that dude's a disrespectful individual, man. I don't like how he go at kids and people who have already been deceased. Now, that part I don't like, but his concepts is something different. Now, he does make sense
SPEAKER_00:with
SPEAKER_01:a lot of stuff he says. It's
SPEAKER_00:just the way the message is always okay, but it's the way he delivers the message that I have a problem
SPEAKER_01:with. Okay, so what's more important, the messages the messenger the message of course but I mean at the same time like if like there were times when he was doing interviews and somebody might have mentioned somebody who was deceased And they might bring up that person's mama.
SPEAKER_00:Like, come on, dog. There's somebody's
SPEAKER_01:mama, their son. Like, come on. Look, I agree with you on that part. Like I said, the decision of the kids keep them out of it. You know what I'm saying? Like I say, though, he makes sense with a lot of stuff he say. He just... He's just disrespectful. So let me ask you, you heard what he said about jail being the best place for a young black man? Nah, I haven't heard that. So when you hear that, what you think about that initially? Me just saying that out loud, what you think about initially? I'm going to break down what he said and where it made sense. And to a person like me, I thought he was out of his mind when he said it. But when he broke it down, it made a whole lot of sense. But I want to hear what you said. Hearing it, it does sound crazy. Like... I can understand for some people. And I say that
SPEAKER_00:because... When you make a revolving door out of prison or jail,
SPEAKER_01:you're really not trying to stay home, I feel like. So, I mean, in those regards, you really haven't learned anything. Yeah, but let me break it down. So, initially, what I heard, what he explained, he was like, the reason why I say that jail is the best place for a black man, especially a young black man, one, you're getting three meals a day, whether Whether you like him or not, he's going to be in the best shape of his life. He's going to be able to exercise every day. He's with his thoughts, so he can come out with all kinds of ideas and different things come out. While you're in jail, you can go in there and get degrees, where you can start studying, get certificates, degrees. Everything you do, all your distractions are gone. So all you have to do is focus on you, and if you're really trying to get better, you come out, it's better. You say, help him. And it's like the discipline part. A lot of young males aren't disciplined, so the jail part helped with discipline. When I start hearing him break all that stuff down, I'm like, this kind of makes sense. As much as I don't want it to make sense, it makes sense. So how do you feel about that once you hear what he said behind it?
SPEAKER_00:I mean, I get where he's coming from. I do because, you know, a lot of young men, especially these days,
SPEAKER_01:aren't disciplined at all. And on top of that, what do you think contributes to them not being disciplined? There's
SPEAKER_00:quite a few things to me. Number one, there are no more villages,
SPEAKER_01:if you get what I'm saying. Okay, elaborate on that a little bit.
SPEAKER_00:What I mean by that is back in the day, we were growing up, coming up. We go down the street. We cut up. Somebody down there going to regulate. You don't have that anymore now because, one, we
SPEAKER_01:are becoming parents younger and younger. I disagree with that part, but go ahead. Okay. And I feel like,
SPEAKER_00:you know, there aren't– There ain't no more,
SPEAKER_01:as they say, big mamas. Okay. There ain't no more of them. Like, you had a grandma that, when needed, put you in your place. I had the same. I had the same. So, I mean, I just feel like the society's different. The way everybody's raised is different. And I think a lot of that plays a part. Not only that, but social media... and TV itself. Yeah. And see, TV is programming. But when you stated that we're having babies younger, I disagree because I know the older generation started having kids 15, 16 years old, but it wasn't frowned upon because that was the family dynamic. And it's twofold with that. And I'm going to take it a little deeper. And just because how my brain working, I had a conversation with people on this. And for modern day society rules, things look a little different. When I say that, like back then they will hook people up up at 14, 15 years old. Girls start getting their period at 12, 13. So they start pairing them up right then and there because that's quote unquote childbearing age. And so, you know, you think about your great grandma and the great granddad at what age they start having kids and it's not different from what now. Like you said, it was different as far as the family feel. I think the family dynamic has changed a whole lot and there are not as many fathers in the home. And when the fathers aren't in the home, that's where the discipline goes. So a lot of these young guys don't have any authority figure. So they don't feel like when mothers get tired or mothers can't handle a man or a young man coming up and they start bucking back and women don't know how to always handle that where back in the day they start like that. A man come in and correct everything. We were known as disciplinarians but they were not real emotional. They just come in, lay down the law and come on back out. So I think one of the things that we don't talk to our kids. We talk at them, we talk around and we don't talk to them. And when I say that, and again, myself, I've been guilty of this before too, but I also try to make a conscious effort to actually talk to my kids. How's your day going? What do you like about this? How do you feel about this right here? And my kids can be expressive. My daughter more so than any other of them, but they know how to communicate because I've learned to ask them questions, open-ended questions, so they can explain versus me always assuming I know. Because I think that's one of the things parents, because we We grew up in our generation. We know what we did. We feel like we know our kids in the same way, but they are, they grow up in a different world than we do. They, we didn't have the social media coming up like they do now. Like cell phone is almost a necessity. Now to know where your child is, where we come up, man, nobody knew what we were for all day, especially summertime. I can leave the house nine, 10 o'clock in the morning. We'll come back to the sundown, but nobody cared. I ain't gonna say care, but it wasn't a 24 hour surveillance of what we were doing. But now the kids are being, watched and monitored for everything. Certain things can take their place, but nothing takes the place of discipline. And actually having to deal with authority, and I think that's one of the biggest things. So a lot of our young black males go to jail because they don't have an authority figure in the house, and the first time they're meeting authority is with a police officer. And as you know, you cannot have a power trip with a police officer. You can try some stuff with your mama, she might let it go, you might get your rump cut, and you might not. You might get on punishment and buck the system, but you're not doing the same of the inter-police officer, so we're not one... teaching our kids how to deal with authority. So when they don't know how to deal with authority, they go out to the world and the world corrects them. And that's a disservice to our youth. And that's one of the reasons, again, I try to jump in and get involved with the youth to let them know you have alternatives. You can choose positive. You can choose different things. Everything about you is a choice. And especially teenagers, well, young men, young adults, from zero to 16, and I always say zero to 16 ain't got nothing to do with you. That's your parents and their decision-making. That's where you are at that point. But 16, At that point, you're old enough to get a license and old enough to get a job. So at that point, you can make the changes you want to see in your own life so you can go ahead and move how you see fit. Now, that's a 16 is a start. Everybody's not going to be like that. But, again, me personally, I've seen it because I was 15 years old doing the same stuff. I work in two jobs trying to make sure I didn't hear, I didn't have it. I heard no so many times that I wanted to make sure that, again, if I want something, I ain't got to hear no, I can go get it myself. And, you know, it's one of those favorite things from my grandma. My grandfather's favorite line, a man work for what he want. I don't care if it's a girl, it's a house, it's a car, a crackhead find a way to get high. So a man that work for what he want. True indeed. And one thing I can say
SPEAKER_00:about my mom, your grandmother, she instilled that type of work ethic in me as well because I was 16 holding down three jobs, working at Burger King, Winn-Dixie, and the Boys and Girls Club. So I do understand the importance of that. Now that did help me help shape who I am as far as my work ethic.
SPEAKER_01:and the willingness to work. I got you. Yeah, but see, man, look, I'm taking it twofold, right? You know, work hard. You'll never hear me say work hard. I'm always work smart. Yeah. Work smart. Work the way you can work to work where it works for you. And I know a lot of times as we're younger, our job is to get to the money, get to the money, make money, make money, make money. As I get older, I realize it ain't about how much you make, it's how much you can keep. Where you put your money at, budget Budgeting is something big, and me working in the bank and I talk about budgeting. All budgeting is is assigning a name to your dollar, where your dollar going versus just... spending money not knowing, okay, I'm overspending, I'm underspending, but I'm assigning my dollar this name. So before, when I get paid, all the stuff I got to take care of is paid first, everything else comes second. But two, golden rule, people who always say you want to get rich, your first rule is to pay yourself first. So if you're working at a job, you got 401k, make sure you're investing in your 401k, make sure you're investing in your savings account, even if it's not 401k, because I know old school will teach you save, save, save, whereas new school will teach you invest, invest, invest. And investments will get you a little further, but again, it's gaining that knowledge. And sometimes that knowledge can be intimidating because we've never done it before. We haven't seen it. We don't know anybody that does it. So I'm not going to put myself out there and be a guinea pig when I'm like, no, let me know what's going on. I learned to ask questions. Like you say, the company you keep. I started hanging around friends, and when they start talking, they're talking about stocks. And I'm sitting here oblivious, like I don't know what they're talking about. I'm not getting involved in the conversation. But now it's like, okay, now I want to get involved some of the stock talk. Hey, what are you doing with this? How much you made on that? And people who are very successful don't mind sharing their success. And that's total opposite of what society will teach you. Anybody who done well, if you want to sit down and ask them to do an interview, they will talk to you all day long because they want to show and tell how they did well. But most people don't take that opportunity to ask. They just assume. That person stuck up because they got this. No, talk to people. I'm always going to talk to people. I may crack a joke. I may laugh. But I don't try to to take things too seriously. I don't... I don't try to push boundaries. And I say it like that. I don't try to insert myself in situations that weren't meant for me. But if I can ask a question and get more clarity, then I don't mind doing that. And I think that's, I learned questions are one of the most powerful tools we have on this earth, but I rarely use. They use it when they've been on certain stuff, but most people don't ask questions to advance themselves. And now I'm the type, I won't ask too many questions around people I will, but now I'm If I want to look up something, I go to Google. I go to YouTube. I'll find out something beforehand and do a little bit of research. And that's real quick. And now they got ChatGT. You can find out stuff from there as well. So there's so many tools and resources. I don't understand how people don't make those steps forward because there's so much stuff out here to help. And I guess some of it is like feelings. I don't want to be looked at a certain way, I guess. And I use that word pride. And pride is something huge. And I'm thankful I learned this in college. And I was going to a Bible study in college. I got a friend of mine that would ask me to come with him. And I wasn't the biggest one trying to go to the Bible study at church like that. But the Bible study taught me a lot. And it talked about pride and how every time pride is mentioned into the Bible, it's always evil. It's never good. But we always say, I pride myself. I'm proud of it. We use it a lot, but not realizing the meaning behind it is not necessarily positive. Right. And so pride is right before the downfall. Pride is
SPEAKER_00:a mother. And I say that because pride will keep you
SPEAKER_01:from getting your blessings. All day long. All day long. I used to be... a proud person worrying about, you know, how this person would think about me, that person would think about me based off the decision I may have made or may not have
SPEAKER_00:made.
SPEAKER_01:And I had to learn to let that go as I got older. I learned not to make decisions based off other people's feelings. And, well, I would say that outside of my household. Now, my household feelings I would take into consideration. I would make adjustments and things of that nature. But anybody outside my household, and it's one of those things, if you ain't paying a bill in here, you can't tell me what to do. You know, so if you come in here and help me pay a bill, I'll listen to you. Like my mama, look, I'll listen to her to a certain extent. And it's like, okay, ma, I hear you, but... This is what I'm going to choose to do. And, again, that's the– and as crazy as it is, I teach my kids that you have the power of choice. And the best part about advice is you don't have to take it. I tell mine all the time, but if you don't– if you choose not to take it, don't come to me with the same problem because I gave you a solution and you chose not to.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah,
SPEAKER_01:can't argue with that. I'm giving you the answers to the test, and you don't want to use the cheat sheet that you. And that's how I live my life. That's exactly how I live my life. Like, look, I'm giving you what I know, and if you know better, cool. Like, show me I'm wrong, but, you know, and I talked with my son, my baby boy on this before, because he got some of that attitude that I got. Like, you got to prove me wrong. Like, you can tell me I'm wrong, but if you can't prove me I'm wrong, okay, you have your opinion, I have mine, but if you show me I'm wrong guy listen but that very rarely happens and so because it very rarely happens most people don't like the challenge and not look at a challenge like oh man but no I just want to and I don't know where it come from since I was little I got to prove my point and sometimes it's not verbally proving my point it's okay I'm going to show you what action I'm going to show you what I mean I'm going to let you see it in real life so therefore you can't dispute it but in my son he said sometimes yeah people think don't like tell me I think I'm never wrong but they can never prove me wrong and so I like yeah I hear you but at the same time you got to understand perception is reality some people perception is going to be their reality whether it's real to you or not but that's not meaning you change who you are but understanding how people look at you right and so that why I mean I learned it and try to teach it to them earlier because I could have learned it at 30 something years old but if I can give if I can give it to him at 17 18 they're more mature sure they'd be able to take it further than I could at the time I got it. So hopefully they make better life decisions. And two, again, by them making better life decisions, that makes my life easier. I don't have to worry about it as much. I don't feel like I have to be the safety net. Okay, I'm watching them grow and soar on their own because they had an example. One, and two, I talk to them. I encourage them. But I also tell them where, look, they make some stuff. I think I told my daughter one time, she said something crazy to me. I'm like, that might be the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life. I know you feel a certain way. you're going to look at me like I'm crazy, but that's not a smart decision you make. That's an emotional decision. That's not an intelligent decision. And so I try to talk to them about not letting their emotions over cloud their intelligence. Because again, and I'm learning to ask that question, is that an emotional decision or is that a logical decision? And then when they sit down and realize it, okay, well, I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have done that. But it's like, I don't mind them going out and making mistakes because that's how they learn. But at the same time, if I could tell you a pothole right there, That means avoid it with your car if you can. But if you still hit the pothole, look, I told you about it. I did my part.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty much it. I mean, that's just like with us, you know. When we were younger, our parents telling us stuff and– Now that I'm a parent, I'm starting to see that a lot of what they were saying was right.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. You always say that, man. But I can say one thing that I know I was a little bit different. I always listen to the older people around me. And I ain't going to say I always did what they asked me to do, but I always listen to them so I can see their perspective. And then, like, once they said it, it'll give me a different lens to look at things through. And then, two, I will always look at how they live their life Like, you can't tell me to do something if you're not doing it. But then again, I had got corrected on that by my mama, because I looked at my grandfather a certain way. But once he kind of pulled the lids from over my eyes, I looked at it a totally different way, and I realized how many gems he would give me. And with the premise of he's telling me about the mistakes he made so that I don't make them, but I didn't look at it like that in the beginning. I just looked at it, you're telling me to do this, and you didn't do it. But now I know, look, And the best part about advice, you don't have to take it, but I'm thankful that I listened and I started taking and applying that advice. Because some people can listen to the advice, but the best part is the application of the knowledge. Because some people say knowledge is power. And I'm like, yeah, I know some smart people, but they don't apply their knowledge, so is it really power? So the application of knowledge is power to me.
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_01:It's
SPEAKER_00:crazy that you said that, because... My pops, you know. He says, like, you know here recently, I moved to North Carolina before I got back here. And when I told him that, I should have known something wasn't right. Because when I told him, out of all my years of my life, of me moving and all the decisions I made, Papa ain't never tell me this, but he told me this this time. He looked at me and he was like, that's a bad move.
SPEAKER_01:That's a bad move. Did he elaborate why? His reasoning was
SPEAKER_00:because... He felt like you somewhere where you ain't got nobody. If something happened to you, how we going up? My sister, who I was in Virginia with, she in Virginia. I went 45 minutes away. Everybody else in Florence or New York or Florida. So his point was like, If something happened, you ain't got nobody. At least when you was in Virginia, your sister was there.
SPEAKER_01:And, you know, we could get somebody there to be with you until, you know, everybody get there.
SPEAKER_00:And like I told him, I was like, I understand that, Pop. You're making sense. But at that time, it felt right to me. But one thing about it, them words from my pops. Kept replaying in my head.
SPEAKER_01:And what I just heard, you said it felt right. So the first question I would have asked, is that an emotional decision or a logical decision? Because you exclaimed that it felt a certain way. And that's when I hear, I felt this way, okay. And when I hear felt, my brain automatically thinks, okay, this is emotional. This ain't logical. This is how they feel, not necessarily what it is. So you think about that or you don't think about that at all? No, I mean... I guess
SPEAKER_00:you can say it was kind of an emotional decision because, you know, it was another variable involved in the equation that got me to feel like that was a good move for us. Okay. So, yeah, I would say it was emotional. Me not actually... Thinking about the situation, you know, just kind of, I guess, I felt like it was like a new scenery, a chance for a new beginning.
SPEAKER_01:I got you. I got you. New beginning, new scenery. You always think it sounds good, it feels good, but it all depends, man. Like I said, it's emotional or logical. When you sit here and look at the things you want, the things you're striving for, does it make sense to go here? Does it make sense to go somewhere else? I always ask myself that question. I'm just talking. When I got laid off back in 2013, I'm riding high, feeling good. Got the AVP up at a big bank and they did massive layoffs and I was part of the layoffs. And this was the first time since I was 15 years old that I did not have a job. And I was sitting here thinking, okay, first thought was, do I go back to Rock Hill to my old stomping ground where I know everything? And then it was like, do I, that's an emotional decision because it was like all about me, what I thought, whatever. But in that same breath, at the same time, my father-in-law wasn't doing well. My family was, I moved my family here Less than two years ago, I had an opportunity to go to Jacksonville, Florida, and start over. But I'm like, I just moved my family here. I'm not going to try to uproot them again. But, again, the way life happened, I got laid off on a Monday. And by Tuesday, I turned in the application to where I'm at now. And by that Friday, I had a job offer. So I didn't have to wait long. And it was like one of those things, okay, I'm thinking about it. I'm thinking, okay, I'm about to go back to the Rocky or Charlotte area. but again God had his own plan and got a job offered to me and it was perfect because it gave me a great work life balance where I can still attend my kids functions and school plays and everything else and the job was like great with it they were okay with it they wanted stuff like they were heavily involved in the community so it was more of a career fit a personal fit and it was like a perfect timing when I wasn't looking for it but I I think it was a humbling experience too because Again, I never been without a job. And to go from, again, AVP level, making great money to having a job where I had to take like a$30,000 pay cut. On top of that, my wife got laid off shortly. So in the span of a year, we lost$60,000. And I'm like, what is we going to do? But never skipped a beat, never put my head down, never really broadcast problems, but just made stuff happen. And that's probably one of the biggest triumphs I think I've overcome without talking about that. in college because I got to go back to graduating college. Just to tell that story, man, look, I'm a senior at this time, a super senior, and I say that this is my fifth year. I'm down to my last semester, and I go to my guidance counselor, so to speak, the person who set up my schedule, and she was like, look, if you want to graduate with your accounting degree, you're going to have to take this many classes and this many hours, and it's probably going to be another semester. She said, if you want to graduate with your business degree you have to take 20 hours this semester and you'll be done and so I had to look at myself in the mirror like okay I can do another year but I need to get out now because one I had a child already my daughter was born my junior year and come to find out my girl was pregnant again with another child so by the time I graduated college I had a baby and a baby on the way so that last semester I had to take 20 hours of school on top of working full time I worked a full time third shift job and I still was a president of the fraternity on campus and a whole bunch of other stuff with it. But that was one of the ones where I like, OK, barbecue a mildew. Am I going to sit here and wait on somebody? Am I going to make it happen? So that's what that lit a fire in me that kind of never left because I had to, you know, I wasn't just thinking about me. I had to think about the kids that I had. So I'm going to sit here thinking about that and just working. Okay, now I got somebody depending on me, and I'm going to make sure that they are able to depend on me. Like I want to make sure I was stable enough, strong enough, and in the right position the way they could depend on me and I can be an asset to them and not be a burden. Yeah, I understand that completely because, as you
SPEAKER_00:know, I had my first when I was in junior college. And also me working full-time third shift job as well as being a full-time student. I took my son to class with me. Took him to class, took him to lunch. He went with me. His mom had to work, you know,
SPEAKER_01:so... me being a father, I'm going to still be a father and I'm going to still do my student duties at the same time. He's just going to have to go with me and be sleeping. That's what I did.
SPEAKER_00:But I felt like that made me feel good simply because it's like I learned a lot about myself as a father then. Because, you know, most guys wouldn't go to class. They would just sit in their room with the kid
SPEAKER_01:and Nah, I got to get this. I'm here for the degree I had to go. I got to get this. And
SPEAKER_00:that was my thought process. And I feel
SPEAKER_01:like he has grown to be an excellent young man between me and his mother and his cousin as well, you know, has been offering advice. He's done great, man. He's been good in school. As you know, he's working two jobs now, attending school. So, you know, not his career choice I ain't too happy with, but I'm going to support. Yeah, but, man, look, their choices are their choices. And once they become grown, I think as parents we have to accept that. And I think sometimes all parents don't accept that. They want the kids to do exactly what they want them to do at the time they want them to do it. And I'm like, you have handicapping the kid from actually growing. Because what your thought process, and I always say limited thought process because you only saw what you saw, you don't see what those kids see. You're not growing up in the world these kids are growing up in. You're not faced with the experiences that they have. They deal with trauma on a different level. And I'm just thinking about the number of kids that got killed in high school. And when you're seeing graduation come, they got an empty seat with the cap and gown on it. But I don't remember too many people getting killed when I was younger, not on no murders type stuff. You know, I don't think, you know, if they died, it was something of something medically. Yeah. Not something that, you know, somebody come and took their life. I mean, they dealing with that almost every year. And it's like, you know, you go to graduations and are extremely happy for your graduates. And then you see that, that empty chair. And it's like, those are memories that that parent won't have because their kid is not here because of nine times out of 10 gun violence. Now, you know, it's, Car accidents happen too. Yeah. But, you know, most of the time these kids have gone because of gun violence. And it's like I'm thankful I grew up in the era where we just put our hands up and fight. Oh, yeah. That thing, you know, we'll literally see another day. And that thing, you know, we're friends later. I think most of the people I ever got into a fight with, we're friends. I can sit here and call and talk to them. We can laugh and joke about the incident. It's over and done with. But now, you know, somebody get mad, I'm going to get the switch. For what? The switch these days is different from the switch we got. I'd rather have the switches we got back in the day than keep the switches they got. But it's like, how do we get in front of it, man? I'm always thinking on that tip. How do we get in front of this gun violence and making sure that kids know that there are so many... Indirect victims when you decide to kill somebody. Like, you got to worry about that victim's family, your family, because if you get caught up, you in jail, so there's two lives lost when it doesn't have to be that way over. In most cases, minor misunderstandings. Now, somebody coming in there slapping your mama, raping your kid, I get it. But if you just, oh, I don't like him because he tried to talk to the girl I like. Okay, did she like you back? Nah, that's what you get. Talking to some of these young men about what to expect from the love life and laughing and joking, right? I'm going to ask you a question. How do you feel about this? Do you think the man brings romance to a relationship or the woman?
SPEAKER_00:That's a good question. One I hadn't thought about.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I didn't think about it either until it was presented to me in a certain way, but I wanted to hear your thoughts before I kind of indulge on what was told to me. Ooh.
SPEAKER_00:I would say the man, and the reason why I would say the man is because I feel like We do a lot of, what's the word I'm looking for?
SPEAKER_01:Courting. Okay. We court the females. So with that comes- Supposed to court. The court don't happen these days no more. No, true. But I mean, with that comes, you know, dinner, flowers, being romantic. If you're going to eat in, going to get whatever, having roses laid out. Things of that nature. So I would say man. Yeah, and that's what was taught to me. He said, man's supposed to bring the romance to the relationship. And I'm like, huh? Because it threw me off guard because, again, my wife can tell you I'm not the most romantic. I try. Lord knows I put forth some effort, but I'm not a romantic type guy. And I think I'm a realist, and I always look at things from a real point of view and not a fantasy fairy tale. And I'm trying to get to more the fantasy fairy tale, but because of how I grew up and how I think, it's hard. Like, it's hard for me to watch stuff. Like, I would never watch Harry Potter because I know it's not real. The only reason I got into Game of Thrones because it started off okay when it got to the dragons and stuff. I'm like, uh, you know, but it's like, I like real life, real opportunities, real experiences so I can draw from it. But he stated that men are responsible for the romance because if you got your woman feeling good, everything else go good. But most of the time, we'll get upset with something the woman did or they approach her with something. We get upset and that when the romance dies, they look at the woman but it's really the man's job to bring the romance to, okay, go get dressed for this date. Let's go here. Let me get flowers. You put her in that mood so she can be more feminine. And once I heard that, I actually tried to do better. Again, I'm not great. I make sure I get flowers sent to her job here and there. Not as much as I used to. When she was in middle school, she didn't want it. Not because I didn't want to. I'd rather get her, she'll come home and see a bouquet on the kitchen counter versus me having it sent to her job because it brought her unnecessary attention she didn't want. So I learned, okay, again, that's where it comes to listening to your woman because I know any other time, well, I'm going to send fly, I'm going to send this, but if she don't want that, then that's not a good gesture. So, again, that's what that listening comes into play. And, again, everybody can be better at certain stuff, but I pride myself on trying to listen. But I also understand within myself on that self-reflection. If I hear stuff more than once or twice– And it's not changing. It's like I'm not going to keep hearing it. So I get dismissive with certain stuff. And again, I've been making a conscious effort and self-reflecting and trying to be better and making sure people get their complete thoughts out, not cutting them off and making sure they feel heard. Because sometimes I can hear and listen and understand. But because I get it, everybody don't always feel heard. And so I take a step back and try to make sure I do my part in trying to aid that in understanding communication is a two-way street with an outcome. Right. Not just saying how you feel, but what's the outcome? After you say what you say, after I say what I say, what's the solution? What are we gonna get to? And what I've
SPEAKER_00:learned recently is I've been told that I need to do better
SPEAKER_01:listening to hear and not to respond. Yeah. I can agree with that with you. I hate saying it like that on air, but, yeah, listen to it. And that's a big one, man. And, again, self-reflection. I had to do the same stuff because sometimes I'm thinking, you know, my brain works 1,000 miles a minute and– I hear certain stuff, I put stuff together, it never took me long. Even in school, I was a straight-A student because I can hear something and almost regurgitate it right back to you. But when I hear the first couple of words, I start zoning out on everything else. So I had to learn to stop doing that and listen to the complete thought. Even if I feel like it's going nowhere, I still have to sit and listen to it to find out where it's going. Right. Yeah, I understand that completely. And like you say, that's a... I do have a bad habit of that because somebody can start saying something and I feel like, like you say, I know what they're saying and I'll jump in. Identify trigger words, man. I had to do that with myself. I identify certain words that are going to trigger a response. So once I realized these words trigger responses, I learned, okay, let me be quiet. I know I want to respond, but let me listen to the rest. But we'll go on from that, man. Look, we're going to wrap up this evening. I'm going to ask one question to close out the day, man. What's been the the best advice or best quote to help guide your life? The best
SPEAKER_00:advice or best quote to help guide my life? Honestly, I would probably say it came from you.
SPEAKER_01:And this was a while ago. Let me hear this one. I see a lot of stuff. You told me just tell the truth.
UNKNOWN:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, honesty is the best policy. It ain't always, you know, it might not get you always your desired result, but you can sleep better at night. Yeah. That's how I learned. Like it might not be the desired result. We won't be able to sleep better at night. Now I'm going back just kind of how stuff, when I was talking about my baby and the baby on the way to college, right? Some of the best advice I got came from my cousin. And this was at the time, again, being a college student, young male, um, not really wanting to settle down, but understanding I got responsibilities. And so I'm talking with my cousin one day, and this was kind of directly after my grandfather passed away, because again, he talked to me about marrying my girl at the time, and I'm like, I wasn't ready. You know, his response, you keep putting babies in there, so you got to be ready for something. And so once I realized that, I went to talk to my cousin. My cousin hit me with the advice, and he asked a question. He said, he didn't ask a question, he kind of gave me a statement. He was Like, look, I don't know what's going on between you and your girl. But if it's your fault, fix it. Because you don't want your daughter to call another man daddy. And when I heard that, my whole demeanor, my whole outlook, everything about me changed. For the better. Because I'm not saying I wasn't terrible, but I wasn't a saint. But... That advice, that little simple piece of advice changed my life for the better, man. And 20 some odd years later, I'm so thankful for that advice. And just know people are watching, but the people who are most important to you are the people you create, man. So make sure you're there for them in the ways you need to be, not the ways you want to be, the ways you need to be. And with that, we're going to close out, man. And thank you all for tuning in for another episode of Embrace the Great.