Predators in the Pulpit: When Spiritual Leaders Become Abusers | Ep. 11

For too long, the church has sheltered predators and silenced survivors. Behind pulpits, under the banner of faith, spiritual abusers have twisted scripture into a weapon, demanded loyalty over truth, and convinced people that obedience to them is obedience to God.

In this episode, we expose how predators hide in plain sight, why the church protects them, and what it costs to break free. If you've ever experienced spiritual abuse in the church, felt trapped by religious trauma, or been made to believe that leaving a toxic church meant leaving God, you're not crazy. And you're not alone.

Jesus flipped tables over religious corruption. Maybe it's time we start flipping some tables too.

Listen now. And if this episode shakes something in you...maybe it's time to start asking the hard questions.

Resources

Book 1 - The Subtle Signs of Spiritual Abuse

Book 2 - Churches that Abuse

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

The biggest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing people he didn't exist. But I'd argue the biggest trick church predators pull is convincing you they are holy. Welcome to Renovating the Soul, where we turn the mess into something meaningful. And today we're exposing the predators in the pulpit. Before we dive into today's episode and topic, I wanted to pause and take a moment to be clear about something. In the first season, I shared a little bit about my background growing up in church and made it obvious that I am a Christian. However, I didn't create this podcast as a Christian podcast, and that was done on purpose. It's not because I don't believe in God, but it's because I refuse to use God or Christianity as a gimmick or as a pawn. Too many people today are slapping a Christian label on something just to gain followers, build a brand, or make money, and I'm not here for that. It's timeout with using God as just a genie or something that you need to make yourself look better. It's time out for saying that you're a Christian, but your life and the way your character is and the way your habits are are completely opposite of what Christian principles are supposed to be. This isn't about trends. This is about truth. And the truth is spiritual predators thrive not because they are holy, but because people refuse to question them. They don't look like wolves, they look like shepherds. And that's why they get away with it. If we really thought about it, this isn't just happening in the pulpit. The predators are in the music. They're in our homes, they're in the places we trust the most. And that's what makes them so dangerous. We think we'd recognize them. We think the abuse would be obvious, but the reality, most predators don't look like villains. They look like the people we admire, the ones we respect, the ones we follow. Let's define what we're really talking about here because words like predator and spiritual abuse are thrown around a lot, but not everyone fully understands what they actually mean. And I want us all to be on the same page with what we're talking about today. So what is a predator? A predator is someone who preys on others for their own gain, whether that's power, control, money, or influence. They manipulate, deceive, and take advantage of people's trust. And the most dangerous ones, they don't look dangerous at all. Now, what is spiritual abuse? Spiritual abuse is when someone uses God, faith, or religious teachings to manipulate, control, or harm others. It's when a leader makes you feel like questioning them is the same as questioning God. It's when obedience is demanded, not earned. It's when fear, guilt, or shame are used to keep you in line. Spiritual abuse is dangerous because it doesn't always feel like abuse at first. It often looks like devotion, loyalty, and being a good Christian. But over time, it drains you, controls you, and leaves you questioning yourself more than you've ever questioned them. So let's talk about it. Because if we're going to wake up, we have to start by seeing them for who they really are. Now, moment of transparency. I have been working on this episode for probably longer than I should have, because I've been trying to bring my place. And that this isn't about being messy. It's not about name-dropping or name-calling. It's about the truth, period. And I am so sick and tired of how much spiritual abuse is plaguing our churches. So this won't go into all of the deep aspects of spiritual abuse, but I do want to highly recommend two books. This book called The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse changed the way that I understand spiritual abuse. In fact, I didn't know that I was spiritually abused until I read this very book. Highly recommend. The second book that I recommend is called Churches That Abuse. And I liken that to case study. So if you've never experienced spiritual abuse, or if you're wondering, have I experienced spiritual abuse? Now they might uh the book itself doesn't deem itself as a book of case studies. That was my own language and my own interpretation. But churches that abuse, it goes through various stories and experiences from that people have had real stories, real experiences in real churches starting back probably in like the maybe 80s or 90s. I don't remember the exact dates, but it's a bit older of a book. And that book is, I mean, I've been in church all my life and I've never heard some of the stories like I've heard in that book. So I highly recommend those two books for you to learn more about spiritual abuse, for you to deep take a deeper dive into spiritual abuse. And I think that the writers and the authors of those two books are were not seeking an agenda. I think that those authors felt like how I felt, and they and they say that in their books, where you're filled with fear and and hesitancy about calling out people and about you know having to discuss these topics that people don't want to expose and they don't want to talk about. And so I trust the sources. I read the sources. I wanted to make sure that I provided you all with some solid resources so that you can take this episode, leave from this episode, and continue your research and your awareness about spiritual abuse. Now let's continue on. Predators don't look how you expect them. And that's what makes predators in the pulpit and predators in our churches and predators in this religious and spiritual systems so dangerous. Because as I mentioned earlier, they don't always look like wolves, they look like shepherds, they are the best dressed, they are gifted speakers, they are respected leaders, they have spiritual language that makes them seem trustworthy, they are charismatic, they are you know, typically and often good looking. They wear really nice clothes and jewelry and they carry themselves with dignity and class. And people usually want to be their friends or be around them. They don't look like the creepy guy or girl in the corner. They're not the um shy one or the one that's you know, you you gotta, you know, you gotta keep your your eye out on. They're usually the ones that capture your attention. And I know from personal experience because I've walked among them. I've walked among many pastors and preachers and teachers and and ministers and evangelists. I've walked um I've walked among so many of them, and I know how they carried themselves. And when I was younger, I didn't even realize I was in a spiritually abusive environment because it was all I knew. My grandfather was an incredible presence in the church, and for a long time I thought that was just what spiritual leadership looked like. My grandfather was tall, I think like six, six, six, seven, six, eight, something crazy. He was tall in stature, he was handsome, he was charismatic, he was fun to be around, and many just like him, all of his little pastor and and bishop friends, they were very similar in that. But looking back, it was fear-based control and not leadership. We were more afraid of him than we were, we then we felt welcomed by him. It was what he said went, it was he was the voice and the mouthpiece of God. Um, and when you see God as a dictator who is more about the rules and about you obeying him, then he is about having the balance of obedience with love. When we put the emphasis on the fear of God and obeying God and how people who didn't obey God died and dropped dead and were cursed, when that's the bigger emphasis than Jesus' sacrifice of love, then that also is how the pastor will carry himself. And so that is how I would I grew up in these churches thinking that this was just how it is. They're called, they're chosen, they're anointed by God to be in this position. But um, that's the problem. We don't recognize abuse when it's packaged as anointing or the anointed one or the chosen one. And let me just say here that at this point, I should say this might be a good place to plug this in. Just because someone has a title, just because someone has a building, just because they are a pastor or they call themselves an apostle, which I don't believe exists in today, um, but just because they call themselves a prophet, an evangelist, uh, whatever, you put the title in front of it, does not mean that God chose them. It does not mean that they were called to this. Some people are calling themselves. Um, most people, I would say, choose it. And I think that having the choice to choose is okay. If you choose to walk into being a pastor, I'm not saying that that's wrong. What's wrong is you choosing it and then making everyone think and convincing everyone and manipulating everyone to believe that God chose you for that. That's a very different angle. And these predators aren't just out here alone. Unfortunately, they thrive because the system allows them to. The church should be a refuge, a place of refuge. It should be what what what we used to call it a hospital where you come in, you might come in sick, but you you leave better, which I know doesn't always happen in hospitals, but that's just you know the way they would describe the church, right? But for predators, it's the perfect hunting ground. Why? Because it's built on trust, and when trust is weaponized, it it becomes a trap. And this is one of my biggest grumbles. Like one of the things that just gets me to my core, just makes my blood boil thinking about how much our churches have become a playground for predators. They almost create the perfect environment for predators because there's high trust but low accountability, meaning that we're told to trust these people no matter what. Put our lives in their hands, that everything they say and do is what God would say and do. And that's why I was saying when they manipulate you into thinking that God called them and chose them in the and that God speaks to them as He spoke in the Old Testament, you do believe because you don't know any better, but because they need your trust. And so they we trust them because of these things, and we trust them because we think this is what God wants, but then there's low accountability. We can't question them, we can't call out their inconsistencies or the contradictions. We can't tell them where they're failing or where they're weak. We can't ask about the money. There's very low accountability. And churches protect predators because these predators they they bring in money or followers. Um or because calling them out means causing division. Or as I mentioned, because people believe that questioning them, questioning the pastor, the leader, means questioning God. And I remember my last church situation being falsely accused of stealing members, of pushing people out, of causing drama. But the crazy part, I was serving my heart out. My husband was serving his heart out. We not we were not only leading, but we created the Bible study at the church. We were not only leading, but we created the Sunday school at the church. I was running the mini women's ministry, which I had a beautiful experience with, but I was running the women's ministry. We were showing up early and staying late. We would wake our babies up. We had two at the time, Khalel and Zeus, and they were little guys, like maybe three and one. They were they were pretty little. And we were waking them up at 6 a.m., 5 30, 6 a.m. to get ready so that we can get to church by 6 37 so that we can start the Bible club Bible study. I don't remember the exact times, but I do remember we were getting up at 6 a.m. Waking them babies up before the sun even came out so that we can go and lead that Bible study. Ask me, did the elders ever attend? Okay, I'll tell you, no, they didn't. The elders wouldn't even get up early to attend the Bible study. They were barely at, I'm sorry, the Sunday school, they were barely at the Bible study. Ask me if they taught a lesson. Sometimes we would have to come get up at 6 a.m. Um, Quincy would have to teach and then he would have to preach. Sometimes I would have to teach and then I would have to preach. I don't I didn't do that as often because that was just too much for me. Quincy's more professional than me. He can do that. I I just um I'm I just cannot. That's just not, I didn't have I didn't build up my stamina then in that way. So I if I ever did it, it was probably like one time, but more so for Quincy, we would have to teach, and then he would have to go preach. And then if I if I even if I didn't preach, I would have to pray, I would have to sit with people. I mean, we were doing so much, and ask me what the elders were doing. Oh, nothing. So when I had to sit there and be falsely accused of stealing members, stealing members to go where? Because who was starting the church? Not me, not my husband. That was something we never wanted to do because we know how much these churches aren't helping anybody. So where was I stealing members? Who was I pushing out? I asked for specific names. Who, what families have I offended and hurt? What people have I offended and hurt so bad? Because if I really did that, then I need to go to them and make amends and correction. If I, as a leader in this church, offended someone, if I as a leader in this church have caused people to leave, then I need to correct that. I was never told who it was. The one family that was mentioned happens to be a family that we are still friends with to this day. But because they had left before us and they didn't get to talk to a lot of people before they left, um, the leaders of the church were able to position that and use that um to their advantage. And I don't think they said their name, but I mean, it's pretty obvious, right? Uh, well, I shouldn't say that, but um, they definitely alluded to the fact that that was the family that we um caused to leave. And that family, as I mentioned, we were still friends with. So when I was sitting there, right, and I and we're being falsely accused of all of these crazy things that just didn't make sense when our real problems were with the elders. Our real problem was with the pastor, our real problem was with the fact that the church was no longer functioning as a church and that we felt as if the Holy Spirit was no longer operating in that space. Those were our real problems. Asked me if they cared about those things. Ask me if they cared about following scripture and making sure that their elders were preachers and teachers in the pulpit carrying their responsibility. Ask me if they said or were trying to hold those elders accountable to being just um shepherds over the people because that's what they were supposed to be. The elders were the ones that were supposed to be caring for the people, knowing the people's struggles. But you know what? As I sat there, I was so offended and I was pissed. You know why? Because I was sitting there, literally thinking and seeing people's faces, hearing their stories, hearing the very things that people just asked me for prayer for, remembering the text messages I would get throughout the week of marriages that were on the verge of divorce, of men struggling with um sexual adversions of girls in that church who were struggling with anxiety and depression, of my own friends who were going through emotional and spiritual turmoil. And as I sat there, I couldn't believe that out of all the things going on in that church, out of everything that needed to be addressed and fixed and and and nurtured, that they would sit in my face and tell me that I was still trying to steal members, that I was causing division and drama. Yeah, it was crazy. But that's when I realized this system isn't about truth, it's about control. And we have to address the fact that it's not as if these predators are breaking the law. Now we know that some do, right? Because there's money, money, I was gonna say money laundering, but I don't know that I know if a church was money laundering. But I wouldn't be surprised. But I was really mentioned, I was really trying to say there's fraud for sure. I 100% know of churches that do fraud or have done fraud, I should say. Um, there's fraud. There is sexual abuse that happens with whether it's somebody of age or somebody younger. Um there is physical abuse that has happened. So we do know that they can and they do break the law. But we know the obvious side, but I'm talking today about how it's not always so obvious. And so these predators aren't always breaking the law or doing something obviously wrong. But no, the most dangerous ones, they use the very thing that should bring life scripture, faith, and obedience to keep people under control. Those same people that sat there trying to accuse us of all of these things, they were trying to use scripture that they didn't even understand, that they weren't even interpreting right on us. I mean, think about it. Like, real, you're really trying to use scripture and you don't even read your Bible for real. You you've never even gone as a pastor, as a leader, we're talking about spiritual leaders. We're not talking about lay people, right? We're talking about these people that are supposed to be preachers, teachers, ministers of the faith and of the gospel who have not gone past the Bible, who have not read and really studied the meaning of the very verses that they quote. But they still will try to weaponize it and use it against you. Honey, they had the, they had they had the right one that day. Because none of that phased me. No scripture that came out of anyone's mouth that day had any type of manipulation or phase on me because I actually know what the scriptures mean. Ironically enough, I've never been a memorizer. Like I'm not that person that can just quote a scripture or throw a scripture out at you. Um, I will know the context, I will know like the verse and the and the and the chapter, but I yeah, um yeah, I just think it's funny when people quote scripture, right? But they really don't know what they're saying. And I also understand that not everyone is like me in a position where you've studied and you know your theology. In fact, I would say that many churches don't even encourage you to go deeper, and that's a problem in and of itself. The fact that they don't encourage you to go any deeper. But I want it, I want to say that right now because I don't want you all to feel like, well, dang, I don't know scripture that well. So when someone's saying it to me, how do I know? Like that's the point of this episode is and and really the lesson that you should take from this is just because someone quotes a scripture at you, don't let it manipulate you, control you, or coerce you into doing something that doesn't feel right. Take whatever scripture they're saying to you. Look it up, okay? Look it up and see what is the meaning of this, what was the story, and you'll you'll often find that it has no connection or correlation with what they were trying to tell you. And that's what this episode is it's a wake-up call. It's trying to pull some of you all who have been pushed out and hurt by church back in, not to church, but to God. But that was a little tangent. I got up on a little side note. But but again, this is how spiritual abuse works. It's subtle, it's deceptive. And by the time you recognize it, it's already taken hold. I didn't recognize that I was spiritually abused, as I've already said. I didn't recognize that I was in a spiritually abusive environment or that I was spiritually abused until I read that book that I told you all about. So let's really look at how spiritual abuse operates. Spiritual abuse disguises itself as discipline, correction, or faithfulness. And how they keep you and I, how they've kept us in control, is that they use scriptures to silence you. Touch not my anointed. Um, number two, they confuse spirituality with control. So they tell you you have to be obedient to the man, to the woman of God. Number three, they they weaponize loyalty. Have you heard after all I've done for you, after all this church has done for you, after how we've been here for you, I need you. You've been so faithful. And number four, they keep you busy so you don't ask questions. And of course, this list is not exhausted by any means. This is just some main ways that again can look like they're good things on the surface, but they're really tactics and tools to keep you uh in their control. That last one really hits, they keep you keep you busy so you don't ask questions. Because I know a lot of busybodies in the church. I know a lot of people that are just doing, doing, doing, doing, doing, and they're so busy they can't see the signs. And when someone tries to point it out to them, they're so confused by what they're trying to say. Because they've been so busy that they haven't really been paying attention to the little details. Maybe they felt it once or twice or here and there, but they just try to keep going. And for years, that was me too. I ignored the red flags because I was taught that church was the place to do God's work. I also at one point loved church. But I felt like this was the only place that I could preach and teach and really use my gifts and be me. My identity was so deeply connected to church. Even when I felt that God was calling me away, even when I felt as if I heard and had this feeling of God telling me that I was not called to the church, I wrestled with it because it went against everything I was told. It went against everything that I was told. It went against the things that I believed. I didn't think that you could be a Christian and not go to church. I I remember when Quincy's friends, uh he has a darn, he has some old friends that um stopped going to church and they were telling Quincy how good it was on that side and how much they felt, how much how free they felt. And I remember thinking, how can they still be a Christian and not go to church? And this isn't like this is just probably within the past six, five, so years. And I was still stuck in that mentality of like, you know, I obviously know you don't have to take abuse and you don't have to deal with certain things and you need to find the right church. But I'm like, how could they just not go to church at all? But now I realize that God was never calling me to stay in abuse, He was calling me to the truth, and the truth is not always in the way that these churches operate, and so you might be wondering, like I have, and like like I do even sometimes, how do these predators keep getting away with it? Why aren't people speaking up? Why do good, faithful people stay silent? Even me in many ways. I haven't exposed people's secrets or called some of these people out by name. I've not decided to put a big warning label out there. But silence isn't always agreement. Sometimes it's about fear, confusion, or simply not knowing what to do. And I definitely lived in fear for a long time. But I'm learning and accepting that silence isn't neutral. If you see abuse and say nothing, you are helping it continue. And so there's ways that you can do it, right? There are ways that certain people do it where like church, uh like the book Churches That Abuse, where they call out the pastors and the churches by name. There are those modern-day YouTubers, you know, I follow one all things theology, where they call out these preachers by name and face, and they they take their actual sermons and point out to you where the uh contradictions lie, where the problems lie, why it's manipulative, deceptive, and just peer against scripture. But then there's people like me, where I really don't want to coin myself as the person who is dropping names and secrets and exposing people's stuff. But I will not be silenced. I will use this podcast as a way for my voice to be heard because it's been pushed aside too much. But oftentimes, as we were as we're talking about, why do good people stay silent? For many reasons. Some being that they fear losing community. That was me. I felt like my community is here. I want to stay, I want to fight, I want to be a part no matter how much of abuse or how much I have to take. I think I probably wouldn't have coined, I didn't coin this last church situation as abuse, but I knew that I was taking some stuff. And I wanted to stay because I had built a community for several years there, and I loved those people. Some people also stay silent because they think that God's gonna handle it, God's gonna take care of it, not realizing that like God put us here for a reason, right? Like to use our voices. Okay, okay, okay. Um, also not wanting to believe that their leader could be a predator. You really just don't want to have to look and see it that way. And I can raise my hand and say that was me too. When we left our church, actually, almost every church that I've left for different reasons, right? Now I'm not all, I've not left every church because it was bad. I left one church because I moved. Um, I left another because I, again, I moved. Like I lived in Atlanta, I did chapel in Atlanta. Um, I joined a church that I didn't find was a good fit. So I ended up leaving there for those reasons. But then I moved to LA. Um, I went to like Hill Song Church out there, but then I became a member of One Church. And at the time I enjoyed One Church, even though I see a lot of the problematic things of it now. Um, at the time it definitely gave me an emotional high or like an emotional security that I needed because I was also in a toxic relationship. And so I really was looking for God to affirm that relationship, and I was looking for God to give me security in that relationship, and I sought that through attending this church, and that's an error on my part, and so that church became a big part of my comfort in that season. Um, but I I left that church because I moved, not because I saw the the the red flags, um, but I see them now, right? In retrospection. Um, but I'm just saying not to say I haven't left all churches because of something bad. But when we when I have left the churches, especially the last two, where I actually built a community, people straight up stopped speaking to us. It's as if we were wiped off the planet. Like even at the last church, where things were said and and made to be about what we did or what we didn't do, um, fewer people reached out. And honestly, the people who did reach out were like not the people I was the most connected to. And even though certain people were like, oh, I didn't believe it, or oh, I wrote it off, they still didn't call to fact check. They still didn't call to see like and hear our side of the story. They just thought, oh, they going through, they they unrepentant and in sin, and they they we just gonna leave them alone or whatever they convince themselves of. And I remember thinking, is this a church or a gang? Like it's one of my favorite sayings to say now that churches are like many gangs. Because the second you're out, you're an enemy. It's as if we're not all Christian. It's as if we all don't believe in the same God. That like once I can't, once I don't attend your church any longer, we can't hang out, we can't talk, we can't go to lunch, I can't call and see how you're doing, even though I've kept relationships with co-workers when I left my job, as I know many who have done. When you become a friend with someone on your job and you leave that job, you still maintain that friendship a lot of times, especially depending on how solid it is. Right? But when you leave a church, oh no, we can't sit with you no more. You're not one of us any longer. So, what happens when you finally see the truth? When you realize that the church you once trusted wasn't what you thought it was, when you wake up to the fact that you were spiritually abused, because the hardest part of all of this isn't just leaving, it's what comes after. And that's really where I struggled. I felt secure in my decision to leave, though, as hard as it was, and I'm speaking specifically to the last church where I dedicated the most of my time. I showed up the best I could. I went in knowing that I didn't want to do any type of ministry, went against that feeling because I was, you know, pumped and primed and believed in, and you know, and I and I do believe that I'm strongly gifted and I bring something, and I know that I brought something different, right, to the church, especially knowing that it's not my intention to abuse and because of my background with um the churches that I grew up in and not wanting to manipulate and hurt people. As I've said, I sat among them, I've walked among them. I have pastors, preachers, teachers, apostles, or not apostles in real life, just people that deem themselves that, um, but prophets, evangelists, all these people just within my own family on both sides, my mom and my dad's side. So I've sat with them, as I mentioned earlier. I've been around them. I know what that's like. I know the conversations that they have when they step off the pulpit. I know how much they're in it for the money or the fame or the glory. And me going into my churches and doing leadership and preaching and teaching and running the youth ministry, being a youth pastor, um, running the women's ministry, I always kept that in mind. I was always very careful. I was even very careful in my sermons with how I talked and how I defined things because I didn't want to manipulate or even accidentally manipulate abuse people or abuse people. So I was secure in my decision to leave because I knew that I no longer was in that space of freedom. I was, I was no longer in that space where um we seen eye to eye anymore. And it felt like it was going to be more of a fight than it was going to be a cohesive environment for us to get along, us being my husband and I with the elders and the leadership of that church. And so it wasn't hard to make that decision, but it was so hard to deal with the aftermath. Even after you recognize that you've been in a spiritually abusive environment or a toxic church, you have grief. It feels like losing family. You might feel lost, disconnected, or guilty. You may feel angry and confused, and that's okay too. I've definitely gone through all of that emotional roller coaster, being upset with God. Like, God, you knew I didn't want to do ministry. You knew I didn't want to come into this church, you and and do anything and get close to these people. I wanted to keep my guard up. Why did my guard get let down? Why was this the place where I felt the most comfortable and the most vulnerable to be myself just for it to backfire and for me to be accused, and for us, I'm gonna put my husband in this too, because it wasn't just me, but for us to be accused of the most outlandish of things, like they couldn't even come up with some real stuff. But the most outlandish of things, I felt very angry, very hurt, very confused, and not just by those people, but but by God too. But I had to remember something that I told myself that being a believer of God is not the same as being a believer of people. I had to separate God from the institution. That just because a church was toxic doesn't mean that God is. Jesus flipped the tables over religious corruption. He was never about protecting the false institutions. I had to remind myself of that story about Jesus flipping those tables because a lot of people have taken that and turned it into Jesus being this political advocate and this radical political, you know, guy for feminism and racism and all of these things. And yet they themselves, even the ones fighting for the political side of things and the pronouns and all these things, even they miss the spiritual abuse. And even in those spaces, they are spiritually abusing people because it's all about their agenda. But if we really go back to that story about Jesus flipping tables, he saw the corruption. He saw the religious leaders charging people more so that they could gain more. He saw people, he saw those people using the the people's sacrifices and the things that they were bringing, their last and and what they had. He saw them using their sacrifices to make profit. They made their fame and personal gain, whatever it is, a priority over spiritual health. They made the gain of finances and manipulation and abuse. They made this power bigger and more important than actually sending people and helping people and directing people towards God. And so the bigger meaning than what we've been told about Jesus flipping the tables, because it's not even a scripture where we can use it and say, Yeah, you see, Jesus was flipping them tables, that means I can cuss you out and be angry. That's not what that's about either. It was righteous anger because he saw what the religious leaders were doing. It was a moment for us to realize that he didn't just use his words, but he took action. This wasn't just about selling doves and exchanging money, it was about the exploitation of faith. The leaders allowed the corruption because it benefited them financially and maintained their power over the people. But Jesus was making it clear that God's house isn't a place for manipulation, abuse, or profit. It's a place of worship and truth. In fact, scripture literally says worship him in spirit and in truth. So Jesus wasn't about protecting false institutions, and that's where I had to separate God from the institution that, oh my goodness, God, it wasn't you trying to hurt me. It wasn't you trying to take away my so-called family, it wasn't you trying to push me into something and then just pull it out from under me. It wasn't you trying to send me down this emotional spiral. It was actually you protecting me. It was actually you taking the blinders off my eyes once and for all of the spiritual abuse that is plaguing the churches. Oh my goodness, God, it was you reminding me of how you had told me years ago that I was not called or meant for the church. It was you using me to get out from under this manipulation, this abuse of power to get out of this corrupt system so that I could use my voice on this podcast and wherever else I may go, and conversations when people call my phone and text messages when people text me and DMs when people DM me. You have pushed me out so that I can use my voice in my own space and in my own way to help the very people that are still being abused and manipulated by these systems. Oh my goodness, God, it was you taking back the power where people thought they had power over me because they put me in their pulpit or on their platform. But it was you actually giving me the power back to create my own platform that no one can take away from me or tell me what I can or cannot say, or be offended that I've said something, or be offended at the fact that I'm talking about character and seeking God in better ways and spiritual legacy and the things that really matter as a Christian. That I didn't lose power, I gained power. That I didn't lose purpose, I gained purpose, and that became a pivotal part of my healing journey. Shifting my mindset about how I see God and how I see the church. I don't sit here as a person who believes that the church functions the way that it is. I don't believe that you have to be a Christian to go to church. And I sorry, I don't believe that you have to, in order to be a Christian, you have to go to church. I also don't believe that God has called us to church the way that we are doing it now, the way we dress, the way we get offering, the programs, the lack of, I mean, come on, we're not even teaching the Bible. How is it that so many of these churches believe that the Bible is perfect and the Bible is inherent and the Bible is, you know, all that God breathed, and that these are God's word, words, and yet they don't even follow them. And again, it's not about memorization, but they don't even follow the very scriptures that they're spewing out and preaching. You guys can think of the examples, the contradictions in people's lives. Are they producing fruits of the spirit? Are they worshiping God in spirit and in truth? Where is the truth in the churches? When y'all find it, please let me know. This was a pivotal part of my healing, shifting my mindset to not see that God and the institution are the same. But if we're being honest, it feels that way because so many pastors and preachers are telling you that God told them. I just heard God say, God told me, He said this, and and I'm gonna be honest with y'all, I'm gonna I'm gonna let I'm gonna let y'all in on a secret for those who are being manipulated by this kind of by this kind of language. They ain't hearing nothing but themselves. In fact, some of these people may be hearing from the devil, they think that they're audibly hearing from God. No, the things that these people say, I I I have I literally heard a pastor say that God told him that everyone in his congregation was gonna get three mansions. A year went by. Maybe everybody in that church didn't have no three mansions. Like, if you listen to the things that these people are claiming that God told them, it's all about money, fame, power. It's all about you. It's all about everything happening here. It's not about Jesus, it's not about loving your neighbor, it's not about turning the cheek, it's not about flipping the tables in righteous anger, it's not about calling out spiritual abuse, it's not about the truth. It's not these places keep using these cohesion tactics to make us think that God and the institution and that God and the church and that God and the pastor and that God and the evangelist and that God and the minister are the same. And I'm sorry they are not. The same way that you and I have the free will to choose to do this, you know, renovating work is the same way that other people have the free will to abuse, manipulate, and hurt other people. And so it is possible that within these churches abuse can occur. But that is why these leaders have to and should take their position so seriously, because you have some of the most vulnerable and desperate people in these audiences who deeply want to root their faith in something real. Because for many of us, our faith is the center of our lives, our faith is the core of us. If we were to lose that, we wouldn't know what to do or where to go. So faith is instrumental, and that's why I wanted to start this season out on this topic because no matter what your faith is. Is faith plays such a big role in how we think and how we believe, how we live, how we talk, how we dress, and how we act. And many of us are living based off of a false idea. Many of us are acting based off of false falsities. We're not living in the truth. We're not really free. These churches are keeping us in the very chains that Jesus was said to have freed us from. They are trying to keep us bound again by their word, bound by loyalty to them, bound by keeping their secrets, bound by staying silent, bound by not asking questions. When Jesus is said to have set us free, why would he set us free just for us to be to walk back in a church that's supposed to be built on his name and be chained again? Why? He wouldn't. He didn't, and he doesn't. You have to give yourself permission to deconstruct and relearn faith without fear. You have to find safe spaces, whether that's trusted friends or therapy or online communities or even just this podcast with me and you where we talk. Because I know what it's like to feel like you're the only one that sees the problem. I know what it feels like to speak up and be pushed out and to be called all kinds of things, not just, I mean, over the course of time, child. I started really waking up back in high school, and when I tried to ask questions about our faith and what we believe in, I was slapped down and for years went through some rest so much turmoil with that. So if you feel alone, if you don't know where to start, please email me, DM me, sign up for the email list, let's talk. Like you have to find those safe spaces. And one of my biggest pieces of advice is do not feel rushed to find a new church. Focus on healing first. Oh, y'all. I could hear the people telling me that they wouldn't leave the church that they feel like is pushing them out, or they feel like it's not treating them well, or they see the signs in. They say, I can't leave yet because I haven't found somewhere new, or because God didn't tell me to leave yet. So they stay in an abusive system. But those people have yet to ask themselves, do you think this is really what God called you to? To being abused and manipulated and used? Do you think this is really where God wants you in a system of toxicity and manipulation and control? Is that what his scriptures have told you to be in? To be back bound in chains from the very chains that he has already freed you from? I don't think so. And so many people stay in these abusive churches because they're like, oh, I need to find the church, or they leave one toxic church and dump it to another toxic church because they have yet to realize the spiritual abuse that plagues these spaces. They've yet to identify it. They've yet to sit down and focus on healing first. And in that healing process, seeing all the areas in which they were abused, so that you can see the signs, so that you can stop repeating the cycle. So now that we've exposed it, what do we do next? When you do come to the realization that you've been spiritually abused, when you do realize that you've been in a toxic environment, how do we move forward? And how do we make sure that this cycle doesn't keep repeating itself? Because if we truly care about the gospel, if we truly care about justice and truth, then we can't afford to stay silent anymore. Here's my final wake-up call. If your church is more focused on protecting its reputation than protecting its people, it's not a church, it's a business. If calling out evil makes you divisive, then what do we call the person actually committing the evil? If you've been hurt by the church, hear me. Jesus still loves you. If you feel rejected by the place that was supposed to love you, you were not alone. If people told you that you had to stay in the church in order to serve God, that was a lie. The people who tried to silence me thought they were taking my voice away, but they actually propelled me into it. And I will not be quiet. And if you've been waiting for permission to call it what it is, here it is. For too long, predators in the pulpit have hidden behind scripture. They have twisted faith into a weapon, silenced the abused, and convinced people that obedience to them is obedience to God. But let me tell you something. Real obedience to God looks nothing like submission to a corrupt leader. Jesus himself didn't bow to the religious elite. He called them snakes, hypocrites, whitewashed tombs, beautiful on the outside but full of death on the inside. He didn't protect their image, he exposed their rot. And yet somehow we've been convinced that questioning leadership is rebellion, that calling out spiritual abuse is divisive, that speaking up means we are the problem. No. The problem is the silence. The problem is the cover-ups. The problem is the people who see the evil and do nothing. The time for being quiet is over. You don't owe your loyalty to a corrupt system. You don't owe your silence to a predator in the pulpit. You don't owe your faith to a place that manipulates, controls, and profits off your devotion. What you owe is this: your own healing, your own freedom, your own ability to stand in truth and walk away from the chains that were disguised as faith. So I'll say it again. If calling out evil makes you divisive, then what do we call the person actually committing the evil? And if Jesus himself flipped the tables over religious corruption, then maybe it's time we start flipping some tables too.