37: Why You're Exhausted Before The Day Even Starts

You wake up exhausted before your feet even hit the floor. The coffee isn’t working anymore. The pressure never shuts off. And somewhere along the way, being “high-achieving” started feeling more like survival than success. In this episode, Daffney exposes the invisible weight so many women are carrying, and explains why reclaiming even the first hour of your day can completely shift your energy, health, and leadership. This is a raw conversation about nervous system overload, the wellness industry’s empty quick fixes, and what happens when you start investing in yourself before everyone else. 

In This Episode:

• (01:10) The hidden cost of constantly “doing it all”
• (07:50) The three areas every woman must invest in to avoid breakdown
• (13:00) Reclaiming the first hour of the day
• (17:45) How changing your habits transforms your leadership

Connect with Daffney:

The Game-Changer Consult → This 60 min deep dive offers you clarity and insight into what’s possible for your next 60 days. Leave this consult feeling full of possibility and with the energy of purpose!

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

The day has just started and your tank is already on E. So many women are realizing that they are exhausted before the day even starts. And the answer to that is something I am passionately working with my clients on recently. And it's about taking off that weighted vest of expectation and gaining clarity about how we can move forward, be intentional without carrying the weight and the responsibilities every day like a 500-pound sack. Welcome to Don't F and Shrink, the podcast, where we stop playing small and start showing up big. I'm your host, Daphne Allwine, and I'm here to cut through the noise, ditch the self-doubt, and get honest about what it takes to live and lead with unapologetic confidence. Each week you'll hear unfiltered conversations, powerful stories, and in real life strategies to help you take up space in your life, your work, and your world. So buckle up because shrinking is not an option here. Let's dive in. This probably sounds like you. You want to do everything and you want everything done now. You're successful. You are showing up in all the ways that draw praise and meet other people's expectations. But when you're recognizing the fact that your physical health and your ability to keep up requires more and more coffee or intervention, this is the right time to stop and take a pause. And we're going to dig into that today because you don't need to be carrying all these things and wasting your energy when you could come up with a solution that will move you forward and help you manage your time, your energy, and your focus more clearly. I have a lot of clients that can very much relate. And me as a working professional myself, I open the day every day with a cup of coffee. But when I recognize that that coffee turns into two, turns into three, I'm realizing that I don't have the energy and I am using my body and possibly abusing my body in a way that is not a good investment forward. Unfortunately, a lot of clients come to me when they're at a crossroads, when they recognize their body is actually physically breaking down from all of the demand and stress that feels like success, but also feels like a burden that they're working with each day. So if you can relate to these symptoms, and a lot of them are very familiar to things that current health and fitness sort of grifters are really leaning into. And grifters in the way that we've always known that the health and wellness industry is really, really well known for their quick fixes. I often hear from clients who bought themselves a quick fast or body reset package or a course online. And what they're trying to do is a lot of these health and wellness grifters or groups are trying to really target the people who, in fact, do not have the time to invest back into themselves. So they're really leaning into the idea that people are busy and we're going to take advantage of how busy they are. And what that means is they're offering you a quick fix, something that feels like in the back of your head is just a jump start. In fact, that's one of those very popular things that we'll see in banners as things that are people are selling in the health and wellness industry. Instead of asking you to take audit of what's going on and what can you let go of so you can build more resilience, more healthy practices into your day, these grifting sort of scams are really about how many pills can you take, how many supplements, how many quick diets, how many modular therapies can you endure? And it's less about you recognizing that you're giving too much or you're you're offering too much of your own energy and physical investment into something outside of you and not putting back properly. Some of us have issues with guilt. We feel like if we have a waking moment, if we have waking energy, we should be extending that towards someone else. But what we really know, and this is accounting 101, if you're not paying yourself first, if you are not investing in yourself first, those are never things that you can regain or recapture. So what you're literally doing is giving away everything you have, not putting anything back in or investing into the future. And this again is the crossroads that I meet a lot of very powerful, successful women at is that they have given so much of their time, so much of their attention to everyone else that they're looking for someone to give them permission and also a map of how to get back to that positive trajectory. So we are going to talk about how to get you back on track, get you back to where you are actually investing into yourself and actually growing exponentially. We know money works the same way. We know that that your time, your investments, whether your physical health or your physical investments in money or time or career, if you are not putting those investments in consistently and with intention of what your future trajectory looks like, you're not playing the game properly. So energy is currency. When you are not using that currency in a way that's growing additional currency, you're limiting your success level. You only have 24 hours in a day, right? But if you're not stacking the deck in your favor by investing some of those hours, some of that time back into your personal growth, then you're always limited to those same 24 hours. And when you keep giving those 24 hours away, and I'm talking your sleep, because we know that's happening a lot too, especially with clients that I'm bringing in now, that when you are even giving away your sleep, there is no investment back into you. So you become less successful, less useful, or not even giving yourself the opportunity to become more, to have more success. Because when you don't make that initial investment in your 24-hour day to say, this hour goes back to building my physical body, this hour goes back to my mental fitness, my resilience, this hour goes back to my nervous system regulation. When we're not paying ourselves first as business owners, as women, as human beings, we're setting ourselves up in a way that limits our productivity and our ability to advance anywhere. So a lot of clients I'm seeing are feeling stuck because they've already given away their energy, they've given away their 24 hours and they have nothing left to give. So the only way to formulate and create a consistent, buildable sequence and solution, I'm gonna put it that way, solution is to start investing in you. So these are your three elements that you need to be constantly investing in as a woman, as a human. Because if you're not investing into these areas, it doesn't matter how successful you are, you will not be able to maintain this long term. You will notice your health, you'll notice mental, physical, emotional, nervous system will be at complete text level at all times, which is always going to lead to chronic disease, lead to chronic illness, to chronic fatigue. And unfortunately, the body breaks down because the body keeps the score. You are not tricking the body by not sleeping, you are not tricking the body by not investing that time back into yourself. I have worked with a client in particular who I love and adore. And when she came to me, one of her chief complaints was that she was holding the weight of the world. She would wake up first thing in the morning and need two, three cups of coffee to get off to the day. It's as if she needed to ramp up and put her blood pressure, put her nervous system in a defense barrier system so that she could be bulletproof for the boardroom. She could be bulletproof to anybody who came in. She was already building up, holding that posture. And she was expending so much energy just bolstering herself and holding that. It literally feels like you're wearing a 50-pound pack all day long because you are holding this energy. And maybe it's, you know, out of insecurity or it's fear of some very dynamic issue or interaction in the workspace. But when you're physically feeling like you're holding a 50-pound pack from moment one all day, and you never put that pack down, even when you're resting, even when you're sleeping, there is no adequate way to recover or to move forward. You are literally stuck and you cannot move. So one of the things I was able to encourage and work with her on is looking, rifling through that 50-pound pack. What was valuable in that 50-pound pack to be holding on to? Fear and anything attached to what sits in your consciousness, in your nervous system that is being affected by your environment. And that can be your family, that can be your job, that can be your community, that could be any situation in which the outside world is asking more of you than you have available to give. And you having to present or put on a show or armor yourself up in order to move through your day. So one of the things I love to unpack in conversation was what was actually necessary? Was it necessary to drink three cups of coffee, to be energetically nervous before you even went into your day, as if you were anticipating? And I know we all do this, we all anticipate what's the probable worst case scenarios. I used to be there, and I can say with all honesty, this is why I love this work so much, is when you were walking into your day, already expecting a problem, already expecting a fight, already expecting to be cast down or shrunken, you walk in and you feel like you need to be bulletproof. But the reality is that by not armoring up, not needing to hold that 50-pound pack and going in with ears wide open and allowing your body to react naturally to what's going on, you spend less energy during the day. So you actually don't need to be carrying that pack with you. And when you are able to show up, and she did a phenomenal job, it takes time. It takes conditioning to remind yourself every morning that you are safe, that you are grounded, and this is your purpose. And it's okay for people to not agree with you and maybe in some cases be disappointed with their access to you. So that is one of the very first things that you can sit with yourself. First thing, notice your energy first thing in the morning. And it's okay to have a cup of coffee. I love coffee. I will never give coffee up. But also acknowledge that the difference between enjoying a cup of coffee and requiring copious amounts of that in order to change your physiology is something to really reflect on and think to yourself. A lot of people also use that at the end of the day as a suppressant. So maybe alcohol is something that helps you calm down, relax, or separate yourself, your central nervous system, right? Because we're deadening. It helps you separate your nervous system from what's going on. So that is that's a different metric, but it's of the same modality. And once we were able to get over that hurdle of why do I need this vest on? Why do I need to expend all of this energy before I even start the day? We were able to create a system where she then had energy to invest into other things. So instead of making herself available, hour one, moment one, turning her phone on the minute it came in. So she was ready to reply to whatever popped in. She started calling back her time, investing in herself and saying, the first hour of the day is for me. And it looks different for each client. In this particular case, the client chose that to be her hour of exercise and nourishment. And we were very specific about making it simple, direct, and easy about how she was going to do it because we don't want barriers to success, right? We don't want to create more problems and self-sabotage ourselves. So her hour one every single day was related to physical exercise. And sometimes that was 30 minutes. It wasn't a full hour. So if you have 30 minutes to do some yoga, to go for a walk, the profound benefits of a 30-minute walk is more than you'll ever know. And it is such a low bar of entry to move yourself forward and get unstuck. So 30 minutes, whatever that is and looks like for you. And I'm always excited to work with somebody and figure out their physiology and what they react to best, because then we can be very clear about where their body responds best with different types of exercise modality and how we can build them up in that way. So 30 minutes of exercise followed by 30 minutes dedicated, sometimes at her desk. And that was okay to chewing her food, something incredibly nutritious, not something she grabbed out of a vending machine or off a cart. She chose ahead of time by planning just a little bit ahead on the weekends and saying, I am going to go to this coffee shop because I enjoy this sandwich or whatever the case may be, and picking that up or making that happen, but reclaiming her time to say, I am dedicating myself. My nervous system belongs to me. So I'm not going to answer all the things that come in first, first thing in the day. I'm not going to arm her up and be ready for that response. Two, I am going to do and participate in the physical activity that works best for my physiology. And three, I'm going to nourish myself directly thereafter. What a power move. What a boss move to say, I own the first hour of my day. I deserve it. I am the biggest investment I will ever make in my life. And this is the way to do it. Now, I hear excuses popping up in your head because I have kids too. And so does she. But we need to plan because our kids are watching us. I know my daughters watch everything that I do, every single thing. And whether or not we notice that they are noticing, they are seeing you prioritize your health, which helps them feel compelled to do the same thing. I know you want the best health for your kids. I know you want them to evolve and be dynamic, assertive people who can move forward in the world. But if they keep watching you surrender and give yourself away time after time after time, you are not showcasing what you think you are. Being a martyr, being a victim, giving away every single ounce of energy you have to other people is teaching them the wrong thing. And I will stand on that soapbox as long as I live. If you have interest in this work, visit our website. Don't be afraid to look through our gallery of podcast episodes, because I know there's something that you could obviously relate to and could work well with something maybe that feels like a hurdle to you today. But I'm going to leave you with this. We also are offering a game changer quiz. So check out the show notes. In there, you're going to find a link. And it's going to help you, like I do with my clients each time, dig into what specific piece is going to move you forward. So this is a quiz that will really kind of pare down where you are, where you're kind of struggling most, so that you can actually put some time and energy and focus into a plan ahead. Now, I will wrap up with my Disney story. The client I was talking about with the most is probably in the best situation possible because we didn't just stop at her physical fitness. We didn't just stop at her setting her goals and her intentions and her priorities differently. We literally reshaped her life and also her legacy of how she shows up as a leader. What's really important to know is, like I said, your kids are watching, but so is your staff. So is your colleagues. When you show up in a way and you gain control and you are moving with purpose and intention, you take off that armor with the people around you. And your leadership changes in a way that is explosive because now you are able to hear and you are able to respond as opposed to react because you're already carrying all that weight. So you show up as a bigger, more powerful, more dynamic force. And you also exponentially grow how you interact and how effective you can be. So now you're in a space where your workday of 12 hours, because I know where a lot of my clients start, now looks like eight, now looks like six, because they have invested into themselves in so many different ways that it has actually caused their people to invest into their self. And we know that that pyramid just continues to grow. It's compound interest. So my push for you today is to think about how you are starting your day every single day and be willing to take that 50-pound pack off, even for a minute, and ask yourself the real question. Am I being smart? Am I being intentional? Am I being honest about what I want and what forward looks like to me? Thanks so much for listening today. Check out that link in our bio. Do that quiz, see where you're feeling, see where we can send you in the most positive position forward. And uh don't fucking shrink.