High School Graduation: Cupcakes and Card Theft

High school graduation came with balloons, cupcakes, parking instructions, party planning, family logistics, emotional surprises, and one very strange moment involving a graduation card.

In this episode, we unpack the mental load of our first kid graduating high school: what worked, what didn’t, what we would do differently, and why the party itself may have been the easy part. We talk about planning ahead, resisting the pressure of Instagram-perfect graduation parties, asking our graduate to help, dealing with last-minute family disappointment, and realizing that our day-to-day parenting role is about to shift in a very real way.

Because graduation isn’t just about the kid crossing the stage. It is also about parents realizing that the mental load is changing shape.

Check us out on Instagram

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:05

All right, everybody, welcome back to another exciting episode of the Mental Load Chronicles. Today we're going to be talking about the mental load of high school graduation.

SPEAKER_00 0:13

Yeah. Yeah. There was quite a mental load with the high school.

SPEAKER_01 0:17

Well, especially it was our first to graduate high school. And so, you know, it has been a hot second since June and I graduated high school. And, you know, things have changed a little bit, not a ton, but you know, going through the first time is always difficult.

SPEAKER_00 0:30

Well, and it was our first kid. So we didn't really know what to expect from the parent side of things. So you and I can recall our own high school graduations, college graduations, etc., but it doesn't compare to being the parent, having to do all the things. So yeah, so that was surprising to me.

SPEAKER_01 0:47

What were the things that had to happen for graduation to feel smooth for you?

SPEAKER_00 0:52

I, you know, I think there were a lot of things actually that had to happen. You know, I major props to our middle kiddo because she was like, she was like a machine on the of the graduation party. And I mean, hauling furniture out of the basement and setting it up by herself. Like this is an 11-year-old girl. And she just, she absolutely crushed it. And I I gave her a hug kind of midway through the day, and I said, You know, I've not been stressed once today. And she looked at me with these eyes that were enormous. I said, Do you know why that is? And she just sort of shook her head, no. And I said, It's because of you. I said, You have just been absolutely crushing it today. She blew up like 75 bullshit herself. But I think, you know, part of it was we started planning for it months and months and months ago. And so, like literally last year when grad party supplies went on sale and were at Home Goods, you know, buy it now because it's gonna go. Our oldest and I went to the store and we just picked out a ton of stuff. And so from that moment on, it shaped a lot of the decision making, right? Because we picked and we picked really generic stuff, black, gold, and white. And so it was sort of the thing where it was like, all right, we can figure out the accent colors later. But it started the snowball of like, now we need invites. Okay, now we need a date. Now we need, but we started doing that months and months and months ago. And I do think that that was a really big piece of what made it go smoothly on that day, is like I started thinking about the food that we were serving back in December and January. So none of it felt like a rush, none of it was a crunch. I did a little bit at a time. And I think that really helped. It wasn't like I did everything the week of. I would, I would highly recommend to all parents don't save it for the week of, because I don't know how anybody does that. But that was a big piece. The other piece was I put together, and I know I got made fun of for it, but you know what? I don't really care. I put together this ridiculously long text and it had everything in it. It had a park for condensement, what time to get out here. I'm pretty certain half the people who were at graduation would not have been at graduation without that. Because I think they would have they would have guessed that they could come later than they could have, that parking wouldn't have been as insane as it was. So I just think that really helped. But that was that was kind of the stuff. What about you? What do you think helped make it run smoothly? Because I do think it ran smoothly. I think everything super smooth.

SPEAKER_01 3:26

And I would attribute it to your pre-planning. I know I was kind of mocking it, you know, a couple couple episodes ago with uh but hey, and I went and got the cupcakes for anybody who was who was curious, huh? No, I I I think just that pre-planning the other thing too is we didn't um I don't think we bit off more than we could chew. Yeah. The the party was was very uh I don't say the party was very simple, but like if we did not like have some sort of extravagant. No, it was then you guys did an amazing job.

SPEAKER_00 3:54

No, and and I guess I would say that too. I felt a ton of pressure as a parent seeing the grad parties that are floating around Instagram. And we had a conversation about like, hey, we're gonna go on a family trip. Yeah, we're not having to put thousands of dollars to your grad party.

SPEAKER_01 4:10

So everything could be bought in advance, put out morning of and staged and just left out, right?

SPEAKER_00 4:17

Well, we got a charcuterie board, that was great, but he put it back together.

SPEAKER_01 4:20

And that was great, and it was it was delicious, and uh it was great.

SPEAKER_00 4:24

Well, and I would say too, we did a lot of things that were sort of counter stable. So we weren't worried about keeping food hot. We weren't worried about and then I bought this new mat thing that went under the charcuterie board that kept it cold the entire party. Yeah, and it was great. I mean, when we when we packaged the stuff up at the end of the day, the stuff was still cold, like fridge cold. Yeah. So I would highly recommend that thing because it it just made it easy. I think honestly, the most chaotic, well, in the moment, the most chaotic part was finding her after graduation, right? You have 600 graduates jumped out with almost 7,000 attendees, and you're trying to find your graduate. Yeah, that was chaotic. But no, I think it was it was your parents not being able to come and then change of plans. And so when your mom, because your folks were driving out, when your mom fell and they had to turn the car around, yeah, that felt like the most chaotic just because the ramifications of not having them here. I then was, I felt my brain felt chaos of how do I replace those two people that I know she wanted here so badly. And so that's when I flew into like finding last-minute flights. It felt at the moment all consuming of who can I get here in the next 48 hours.

SPEAKER_01 5:42

Reinforced all the time that it made the right choice in spouse. Uh, and that was, you know, again, one of those moments where you just launched into, well, let me call, let me look up flights, let me call your brother, let me call your sister, see if they want to come out, you know, let me see if we can get your parents and then let's say drive home, you know.

SPEAKER_00 5:56

Um Yeah, because I think we need to get them on a last minute flight and still have them here. So I started to look at that. I started to look at because I had never done we've never, thank goodness, had to do the thing where like they meet you at the ticket counter and they put you on the little golf cart and they get you to the gate and we do so. I had started to look up all of the sort of like elderly comfort care in airports to figure that out. Because I wanted to figure I it felt like it was still possible to have two people here, whether it was them or whether it was stand-ins, because I know you know your family had really wanted to be here and the cost of getting here at this time of year is just phenomenal. And so for your baby brother to do it, like I was blown away. But but you know, for your other siblings, it was just cost prohibitive to start a fly in for the weekend. Um, not to mention they've got kids who are all in this is the end of the year for them. So missing their own kids up to be here. Anyway, I so yeah, so I did launch into that. That was about 48 hours of uh I wouldn't call it chaos, but it was a mental load of trying to figure out what I could do. And at the end of the day, nothing, we weren't able to do anything. But but we try and try. What worked? What worked? I think having it via dessert routine and then hiring the charcuterie board really worked because the food was a lot simpler than than other food would have been. I think what worked was having her work with her friends super early on to identify, okay, when's your party, when's your party? Because there it wasn't unavoidable to have overlaps.

SPEAKER_01 7:32

I think, I think it was everything was successful. There was nothing where we had to like abandon and go, well, we really wanted to do that, but you know, got to abandon it because it's not gonna work or anything like that. I think everything went went went great.

SPEAKER_00 7:44

Well, and I would actually say too, I think the other thing that really worked and took a lot of mental load off of my plate was enlisting the help of our daughter. And I think, you know, from from what I see on Instagram, it looks like the theme is the mom throws her life into planning this party and putting it together for months or weeks. And I looked at her and said, make the invitations. Yep. And so she got on canvas. She made the invitations. And I told her, I said, if we need to print them, you tell me and we'll get them printed, but then you mail them out or you hand them out or you whatever. And and I think, you know, a lot of parents feel like for it to be special, they have to do all of the work. And, you know, or it has to be a surprise or whatever. And look, if that's your jam, great, good for you. For me, it was it was engaging her help and saying, okay, you go. So, like for the cupcakes, right? Because we did cupcakes were kind of a main course, if you will, because I printed uh 84 individual photos of her on edible, edible cupcake toppers.

SPEAKER_01 8:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:46

And so we needed to buy the cupcakes for the toppers. And I said to her, You go figure it out. Tell me who's the cheapest place, where can we order head? Yeah. And she did all the research on the cupcakes in that it's Sam's Club, they come in tax a 30, you know, here you go. And so I I just think enlisting her help was big. Yeah. And I don't see a lot of parents doing that.

SPEAKER_01 9:08

Well, and they should, because I mean that's the thing, is you know, that this is their opportunity to learn how to do this. Yeah. You know, yeah. And and no one should be more invested in their graduation journey than they are.

SPEAKER_00 9:17

Well, exactly. Exactly. All right, so I got a question for you. Yeah. What part of graduation felt uh more emotional or heavier or bigger than you thought it would?

SPEAKER_01 9:26

I don't I don't think anything I think I had reasonable expectations. I I think I don't think anything felt like, you know, I thought everything was gonna be emotional and and and you know, and it was. So I wouldn't say that anything like was above and beyond that. You know, I still don't feel old enough to have a kid graduating high school. I still don't like like that to me will never not be weird. Uh it was weird when she started driving. It's now weird that she's gonna be in college. Or like, you know, it's just it's straight, it's strange, you know, it's strange. But but no, I I wouldn't say anything was like, you know, bigger or anything like that. It was it was cool, it was cool. What didn't work?

SPEAKER_00 10:00

Oof, what didn't work? I mean, I feel like I I wish I would have called your folks and had a conversation with them about flying instead of driving. Yeah, that was a big one because I feel like maybe a conversation about, hey, you know, things can go wrong on the road. I mean, because they could have gotten, they could have had car trouble halfway through and not been able to get here. Yeah. There's a lot of unpredictability when you're talking about driving literally clear across the country through regions where you have that sign that says last gas for 297 miles or whatever. Yeah. And we saw that a number of times on our drive when we moved out here. And I just wish I had said it, it's there's too much that can go wrong. This is too important of a moment. Can we help you fly out? Can we help pay for it or whatever, you know, whatever the hang up was. But and who knows if it would have made a difference. But I felt regret and felt like I should have done more to try to influence that just because then it did end up, you know, being an issue. And I feel badly that it also has downstream consequences for her now because she's really sore and in a lot of pain. And so I just I just wish I had done that. I, you know, there wasn't a lot that quote unquote didn't work. Oh, I thought everything was great. Um I would have moved the gift table. I would have moved the gifts on directly onto the food table in the middle of the kitchen. I did watch a guest pocket one of the cards. And that was a moment that was like, oh my gosh, what am I gonna do? I didn't do anything about it. I didn't say anything about it. And ultimately our daughter said, Okay, so what? Like, it's one gift. I'll thank everybody who came, whether they gave me a gift or not. And that's really great. It's a great way for her to handle it. But yeah, I would have moved the gifts because I think, you know, when you go into a graduation party and you assume everybody who's coming is here for her and respectful and cares for her and wants to be here and celebrate her. And at the same time, you're dealing with teenage kids. So who knows? So I I wouldn't have taken for granted that everybody that's the first time in my life that I know of that that's happened.

SPEAKER_01 12:14

Yeah, it's it's the the alleger or not, um alleger now, that's the right word. The audacity audacity of of that was just is just because you know, everybody was within 10 feet of that gift cable. It was out in the open. It wasn't like it was a separate room.

SPEAKER_00 12:33

And I I think I would have taken the time to do the thing that families are doing where they take an old Amazon box, you know, wrap it in wrapping paper, put a split in the top, and have cards go in there because cards undoubtedly mean gift card or money, right? And to walk out with a package, like because there was one person who brought her a big wrapped gift.

SPEAKER_01 12:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:53

And outside of that, everybody else pretty much brought a card with something in it. And I just would have I would have done that and put it in the middle of the food table. So it was really hard to walk away with. But I that has never happened to us. Not my boss. That was really rough. Nothing. I I've never wrapped a party going, oh that's weird. Uncle so-and-so didn't bring a gift. It there was never noticeably something missing, right? And um, and at the end of the day, she calculated and went, okay, there's like one friend who came that I don't have a gift from. It probably was her card. And you know, and that that's just a crappy it's a crappy thing. And so I would have I would have moved that. That did not work, obviously.

SPEAKER_01 13:33

Yeah, no, that's a good one.

SPEAKER_00 13:35

All right, so who carried what?

SPEAKER_01 13:36

I don't carry a tent and some chairs, whole cakes.

SPEAKER_00 13:41

You carried a good bulk of the setup and the cleanup because then you also packed up the tent and packed up the chairs and did all of that.

SPEAKER_01 13:48

I had to get our yard in in in condition and show show condition. Yep. Yeah, and you know, our backyard has been a dumpster fire since we're moving um, but it looks it looks amazing right now. So yeah, I would say, you know, that was the kind of stuff that I that I carried.

SPEAKER_00 14:01

Yeah. How much of what we did do you think was social pressure versus like what we would have wanted to do?

SPEAKER_01 14:10

Uh here's the thing. I've I it made me unwear. I feel zero social pressure with this stuff because it's like we're gonna do what we're gonna do. And if people like it, I I really don't care. Yeah, you know what I mean? Because like we'll do something that's appropriate. It's not like we're we're gonna, you know, have people over to our house and not make sure the house is immaculate and not make sure the yard's cleaned up and not make sure we appropriate food and that kind of stuff.

SPEAKER_00 14:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:32

And so I think as long as you do like for quote unquote what you're supposed to do, like I feel no pressure to like go above and beyond to try to shrink people up or to try to say, look how great we are, or anything like that. It just do a really good job, you know, at at doing the basics for black and trim, you know. And I think we did, I think you did an amazing job with everything that you did in words way more than just like the basics. But no, I I felt absolutely zero pressure for any.

SPEAKER_00 15:01

It was interesting because I had no, with this being our first, I had no frame of reference other than what you see on social media. And of course, what you see on social media is the Pinterest, Instagram, you know, perfect over the top. Right. And and so I didn't know like what's our version of uh in our community. And it was fascinating because looking at a lot of the grad parties, the number of parties that are restricted to the backyard and front yard only, they don't even let people in their house. Like you can go use their bathroom, but that's it, right? The house doesn't open was astounding to me. I didn't realize that was sort of like an option. Like come around back.

SPEAKER_01 15:35

Well that was really interesting because there were people when we were under the tent with your mom and stepdad playing a board game.

SPEAKER_00 15:42

Who came through the gate?

SPEAKER_01 15:43

A number of people came to that gate. Yeah, and it was like not walk in the door. Yeah, that that kind of surprised me. But again, if you're coming through all these parties and you're not allowed in the house, that would make sense that you would immediately go right to the car.

SPEAKER_00 15:53

So, anyway, that was fascinating. And then I also the varying levels of food. And so, like there were a couple grad parties at our community park where it wasn't even at their house. They rented the gazebo in the community park, grilled up some burgers and dogs and called it a day. There were a couple I've been good with that. Yeah, there were a couple that had like Costco, veggie, fruit, party trays, and that was it. And so it just it gives me a frame of reference, I think, for our next two, that really there is the minimum, really is a minimum that it's sort of like Yeah, to me, it's it needs to be it needs the most important thing is is your kid happy with it?

SPEAKER_01 16:30

Yeah, right? Like, are they getting what they want out of it? And and our daughter seemed very happy with what it was. And I think so, you know.

SPEAKER_00 16:38

I think so.

SPEAKER_01 16:38

Yeah, that's all I'm yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:40

Anyway, I thought that was interesting because I a lot of it was informed by what I was seeing on social as opposed to what I then saw in the neighborhood of like real just sort of chill, yeah, chill parties. And ours was a chill party. I don't want to make it sound like I went all out or anything.

SPEAKER_01 16:56

No, we're just saying I I I'm I am very proud of the party we put on for the cost and effort and all that other stuff, you know, like like this. It I think if people had just kind of stumbled through, they would have thought it was a lot more effort and cost to have the party that we had. And I think that was that was to me, like so. It was good with me.

SPEAKER_00 17:19

Well, and hats off to Trader Joe's flowers. I mean and it was nice, it added a lot, I think, to the room.

SPEAKER_01 17:24

So all right.

SPEAKER_00 17:26

Last question. What did this milestone make you realize about this stage of parenting and the mental load?

SPEAKER_01 17:31

I I I I didn't have like an epiphany based on this. It was just more of uh just an appreciation of of where we're at in life, you know. Like it's it's kind of weird. You know, me in in life, at least with us, you keep your head down, you keep busting your ass at work, you you know, you keep popping out kids and doing your best to keep the bill collectors away from the tour, and then hope you get to a stage of life where you can be successful. And we're I think we're extremely blessed that we're at that point, you know. And uh yeah, I mean, I don't know. I mean, I think just kind of that appreciation for where we're at and uh that you know we got one through high school successfully. She's been very successful, and she's gonna go off and do great things, and now we'll worry about the next two.

SPEAKER_00 18:12

Yeah. I think it hit me. I'm almost at the point where her day-to-day life is no longer my responsibility.

SPEAKER_01 18:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:20

And that was a really weird moment to think about sitting at commencement, hearing some of the speeches, and thinking about what's next, and thinking that I don't necessarily need to know what classes she's taking. That'll be on her. And I'll be curious, of course. It's not like I'm gonna be like, oh, now you're a teenure graduated, I have to learn about you anymore. But it it was very much like, oh my gosh, I don't have to know when the next whatever, whatever event is, youth group event, for example, or you know, any of that stuff. And it was like, whoa, wait a minute. That is gonna be entirely on her. And then she's also gonna be starting to handle things that typically I would handle for her. So more of the financial stuff and more of the and and it just occurred to me the worry will be a different worry. The thoughts will be different thoughts, right? And now, and the fact that I won't know where now we know where she is. So if she leaves the house at five o'clock at night, I'm going to fill in the blank here. I'll be home around, fill in the blank here. When she's living somewhere else, we won't know that. Yeah. I mean, she might share with us, she might say, I'm I'm going to this thing. I just want you to know where I'm going to be. Yeah. Because she's that kind of a kid. But it'll be weird not to think. I wonder if she's home in her dorm. I wonder if she's out. I wonder if she's safe. And so it just occurred to me the mental load is about to shift in a really weird way.

SPEAKER_01 19:45

Weird way.

SPEAKER_00 19:45

Really weird. And and we even talked the other day about like it's going to be important for her to know she's got to let us know when she's coming home because she's going to college so close by. She'll be able to like pop by and that we don't want to think we have like a home invader. So if she comes home at two o'clock in the morning because she had some fight with her roommate and she just needs to be in her own bed, that's okay. But she'll have to call us on her way home. So we don't think someone's breaking into the house at two o'clock in the morning. So I it's just gonna be this weird, like, and you said it, you don't live here anymore. And like my heart broke a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 20:23

Well, but it's true. Like no, I mean it's sad, but it's true, you know.

SPEAKER_00 20:28

It's just gonna be weird that like you don't live here anymore. And unless she someday actually moves back in, which I'm sure she will, it could happen. I don't know. She's a pretty solo bird, and thinking about what's that gonna feel like, and of course, the flip side of that, that we will be down a driver, down a responsible adult, you know, basically a third sort of caregiver for the other two kids. And so it occurred to me, oh my gosh, my mental load's about to get much higher on the other two, because I won't be able to say, Oh, can you take your sister to gymnastics? Can you fill in the blank? Right. All the things she's been doing as a trade for the car that we pay for. Yeah, she won't be here to do that. So it just our world is gonna look really different in the fall. Yeah, I'm not sure I'm ready for it.

SPEAKER_01 21:17

Agree.

SPEAKER_00 21:18

And that's what really hit me.

SPEAKER_01 21:19

Well, that that's a great episode is the mental load of having a child move out, and then also the mental load of losing one of your support pillars, you know, how do you handle the other two then, you know?

SPEAKER_00 21:30

Yeah, I definitely want to do one at some point when we do the dorm because the the panic online that I see from moms of especially if it's your first, again, your first child, you just don't know what you don't know. Now, with her, we've got the benefit, she's close by. So she's gonna move in with the bare necessities. And then two weeks later, she'll call and say, Hey mom, I could really use the fill in the blank and we'll go, you know, on a target run or whatever. So I'm not worried about moving her in, quote unquote, perfectly.

SPEAKER_01 21:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:58

It's funny, our son is emotionally. behind you he's miming that he's gonna go change his PJs. Go change. Yeah, go, no, go.

SPEAKER_01 22:07

I asked him to get changed like forty five minutes.

SPEAKER_00 22:10

Yeah, yep. Mm-hmm. Yep. Okay. Well, join us next time and uh we'll see you then.