He Has a List Too: Becoming the Wife You’d Want to Marry

Join me for The Intentional Dating Masterclass 24-26th March! Save your seat!

Most of us know exactly what we want in a husband—but have you ever considered that your future husband might have his own list  too? In this episode, Georgina Wallace shares why self-love, spiritual growth, and preparation in Christ are essential before marriage, and how this season could be shaping you for the marriage you’ve been praying for.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Hey, welcome to the Single to Sacred Union Biblical Prep for a Godly Marriage Podcast. The place for single Christian women who are serious about preparing for marriage the Kingdom Way. I'm your host, Georgina Wallace, and every week we'll have honest conversations about identity, healing, purpose, and the practical steps you can take to become the woman God has called you to be before you say I do. Whether you're waiting, dating, or just starting to hope again, you're in the right place. Let's grow together on purpose. Something that I find really interesting is that with us as ladies, we tend to have a huge list. And this list I'm referring to is a list of things that we want our husband to do and to be for us. I want my husband to do this, I want him to be like that, I want him to do A, B, C, and D, and we have this huge list of things that we want our husband to do, or we want him to be a particular way. But we forget that he also has his own set of expectations, and we don't take time to develop ourselves in every way that we can so that we can be and match and fit the description of the woman that he wants to marry. And that's because we tend to make everything about ourselves. You know, we are in a very feminine and female focused space in time, and we are in a place in our generation where we make everything about the woman, and we forget that men actually do have a place in society, men have a place within the home, and they definitely have their place within a marriage. You know, so we should work on ourselves vocationally, spiritually, emotionally, financially, in every way possible that we can actually match the list and the description of the woman that our husbands are praying for. And I think that what's contributed to this is that we have grown up in a generation where marriage is largely romanticized. And that's based upon what we've consumed growing up, and that's contributed to the mindset that we have. We're looking for a husband to come into our lives and sweep us off of our feet. Now there's nothing wrong with that, please don't misunderstand me. But because of this princess mindset that we tend to have, this princess view of marriage, we're looking for someone to rescue us. I'm a Cinderella, you know, I'm a sleeping beauty, I'm a Rapunzel, I need to be rescued. That seems to be the mindset that we have, largely as women. Now I'm not speaking against any of these fairy tales or these stories. I'm not doing that, so please don't misunderstand me. I knew these fairy tales growing up as a child, but what I am saying is that the mindset is imprinted on a large proportion of us, which says that we need to be rescued from something. And we tend to believe that our husband is meant to do that. I'll be very confident to tell you that that is not his job or what he's supposed to do. Is he meant to be a provider? Yes. Is he meant to be a covering? Yes. Is he meant to be a protector? Yes. But he is not meant to save you. He can help in the process of healing. If you go into marriage and you need healing from past traumas or past hurts, you know, and things like that, then 100% your husband can be a support in the healing process. He is not solely responsible though for your healing. And I think sometimes that what can happen is that ladies go into marriage with so many burdens, heartaches and pains and issues from their past that they almost look to their husband or to their boyfriend or their fiance to be the one to fill that void and that emptiness and that gap, for lack of better words, that they fill within their soul. And when I say soul, I mean our mind, our will, and our emotions. And then we look to him to fulfill that area in our own heart that's aching. And we expect him to do what only God is able to do. So it's about really understanding what is God's role in my life and what is my husband's role in my life. And because some of us don't take time to look into this area before we get married, we can get those roles confused. Your husband is meant to be your everything, 100%. My husband is, and I love him, and I wouldn't trade him for any other man, even if he came for free. I wouldn't do it. But my husband at the same time is not my everything, because he's not supposed to be my everything. How can we expect our husband or your future husband or fiancee to be your everything when he's also going to the same Lord Jesus that you're going to in your prayer time in your closet? The same Bible you pick up to read, he is also reading and studying. He needs the same grace from God Almighty that you need. So there is no way that he can be your everything. There is no way that he can deal with all of your issues and problems. And part of the amazing experience that you can have in your single years is to grow in your love and intimacy with your Creator, the God of heaven and earth. As my grandma used to say, He's the God of creation and he's the God of salvation. Let that relationship that you have with the Lord flourish, because it is out of that relationship that you receive the fulfillment and validation that you need as a woman. When your husband comes along, he will add to what the Lord has already done in your life. He will add, especially if he is a man who loves God, a man who honors God and has his own relationship with the Father. He will only add to what you already have. I don't know who this is for, but I believe that there's a woman out there somewhere who this will bless and it will support her in her own journey. And it's my prayer that this podcast episode will encourage you and strengthen you in your walk with the Lord, to go and seek his face for all of your needs, and that you will get the necessary support for your healing, your restoration, and your growth. I pray God uses the words that I speak as I'm led by Him to help others. Not because I'm special in any way, but I would encourage you, you know, go and seek others. Yes, you're listening to my podcast right now, and I'm grateful to you as a listener for tuning in and hearing what I have to say. But I'm not perfect. I'm just a vessel that is allowing herself to be used by the Lord in this season of my life to share some things that I hold deeply in my heart. But if there's someone out there that speaks a lot better than me, that has got a lot more information and understanding and insights into this area of life than I do, then by your means go and listen to them as well. Glean as much as you can in this season. Grow and learn. And like I've said so many times before, develop yourself. I'm saying this because I genuinely care about other people and how they're doing in life. If anyone knows me personally, they will know that I'm someone who's always encouraging another person. I'm always encouraging them to be the best version of themselves. You see, we only get one chance to do this. We only get one chance in life. You only get to be a teenager once. You only get to be in your twenties once. You only get to experience your thirties once. You get where I'm going with this. So live your best life in every season that God has given to you. But don't let it just be your best life. Let it be your best life in Christ. Let those years count. Let those years you're studying at university count towards your spiritual destiny. Let it count towards the woman you're going to be when you're thirty. Let those years of investment and prayer and studying the Word of God, go into church and being a part of the body of Christ, wherever it is that the Lord has placed you for that particular time, let it count. The Bible tells us in Isaiah chapter 12, verse 3 that with joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation. What does that mean? It's fair to say you dig wells in your relationship with the Lord. Early in your relationship with Christ, when you accept Him as your Lord and Savior, you begin to dig wells. You dig wells, meaning that you can draw from them. You don't have a well for having a well's sake. A well has a purpose. A well is typically used to hold water. That as and when you need it, you can go to that well and draw from it. Dig wells in your single season. You don't go to a well to draw water and find that it's empty and dry. If that's the case, then that well is of no use. Let the wells in your life be dug in this season. Dig wells in your single season. Dig wells of prayer, wells of fasting, wells of being in the Word of God, wells of intimacy with your Father, wells of worship, wells of praise. When challenges and difficult seasons come, you'll be able to draw from them and have the strength you need to continue by faith. I'll give you an example. I have three children now, and I'm not able to fast the way that I used to. I'm currently a nursing mother. And because I'm nursing, fasting is something that is a very difficult thing for me to do. And you will find as you go through life that there are some things that as a wife you will not be able to do, depending upon the season of life that you're in. For men, things are a bit different. They may have different times and seasons in their lives that they go through, but right now I'm speaking specifically to women. And the truth of the matter is that there are some things you won't be able to do. You may not be able to invest many hours of prayer, Bible studying, or even fasting in certain seasons of your life as a wife. You can't be doing prayer and fasting when you're pregnant. Why? Because the season has changed. So it's about taking opportunities when those seasons in life are available to you and to take advantage of them, to plant seeds and to grow and develop as much as you can. Another area that I think is very key is loving yourself. This may seem like a really basic statement and a basic point to make, but it's actually quite deep if you take time to really reflect and think about it. Now I think it's fair to say that every woman wants her husband to love and to cherish her. That's not a big ask, is it, right? And I'd agree, but I'd like to suggest something. How would you feel, being a married woman, for you to live with your spouse and you can see from their actions that they don't love themselves, but expect you to constantly affirm him or affirm her and to make him or her feel special? Just think about it. How would that make you feel after a while? Living like that, day in, day out, week in, week out. I've made the statement before that marriage is for life. We're not in this for the short term. So being with an individual and being married to your husband and being married to your wife, whatever character traits they come into that marriage with, unless they develop themselves and work on themselves and work on their character, it is very likely that those traits will continue throughout the marriage. So you see, we all have a responsibility to let those in our lives know that we love them, that we appreciate them, that we value them. But we also have a responsibility to love ourselves as well. The Word of God tells us that we should love our neighbor as ourselves, is one of the commandments that Jesus gave us. But my question to you is this How can you, based on the commandment that Jesus gave, love your neighbor when you don't love yourself? Because he says that we should love our neighbor as ourselves. But we expect our spouse to love us, a spouse who is also fallible and is in need of the mercy of God just like we are. Is it fair to put all of that responsibility on them? Or is it fairer for us to learn to really love ourselves, value ourselves, take care of ourselves, and in return, we let that overflow of love that we have for ourselves and our Heavenly Father pour out for them and to them. Now, this may be completely different for men, and I totally appreciate that, but I'm not specifically speaking to men in this moment. I'm addressing us as ladies. Men will have their own challenges. But us as women, I can say as a general consensus, we tend to have issues in the area of loving and really valuing ourselves. So you need to love yourself, you need to take care of you. When you are married, your spouse will expect you to take care of yourself, they will do their part, but you have a responsibility to do your part. Loving yourself is biblical. It doesn't mean that you become self-obsessed or make everything about you no, no, no. That's not what I'm talking about here. But it's about you looking after yourself, giving areas in your life the attention that it needs, getting the healing that you need, not sweeping it under the rug and hoping that it goes away. It means looking after yourself physically, eating well, investing in yourself spiritually, taking care of your overall health. When you do this for yourself, it's easier for you to do it for others, and you also have the strength to be able to do it for other people. We must remember that our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit. It tells us that in 1 Corinthians chapter 6, verse 19. So we should take care of what God has invested in. Believe it or not, God has invested in you. And out of his investment, he expects a return. Nobody makes an investment and expects nothing back. Then it's not an investment. You've just given something. But our Heavenly Father has invested in us. And I believe that we should give him a return of us living according to his word and loving ourselves and loving others as he's commanded. A return of us living our life to glorify him and sharing the goodness of God to others. It is so much easier in marriage if we enter it having worked on ourselves and focus on areas where we are weaker or need developing and maturing in. Do you know that loving yourself is one of these areas? To be able to look at something or someone that is fallible and see the beauty in them takes grace, mercy, and skill. And believe it or not, you will need this grace in all areas of life, including in your marriage. To be able to forgive yourself of wrongs you may have committed or forgiving your spouse for something they said or did that hurt you isn't easy. But developing in the area of love will really, really help you. Jesus taught us to pray, forgive us as we forgive those that trespass or sin against us. That is love. Love transcends wrongdoings and flaws. So apply this to yourself. Practice it and let it overflow to others. Learn to show yourself grace and give that grace to others if they do you wrong. I'm not suggesting that you should let people walk all over you. No, no, no, definitely not. Love and value yourself enough to be able to draw healthy boundaries where they are needed and say no when you have to. But do that in line with mercy and grace that the Father encourages us to show ourselves and to others. So it wouldn't be fair to expect someone else to love you when you're not loving yourself. You may have gone through some challenges in life that makes loving yourself difficult. But if no one has told you, then I will tell you that you are worth loving. Jesus loves you, and you have been made in the image of God. Christ showed his love towards us that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for the ungodly. You are worth it. You are one of a kind, and you are special. God foreknew you from before the foundation of the world. If you are someone who struggles to love yourself, then start by confessing these truths, and I pray that the Lord will reveal how special you really are. Yes, your husband will love you. Yes, your wife will love you. But first love yourself and recognize how valuable you are. So, ladies, write your list. Write down the things that you desire in your husband. Write down the things that you would want him to be. Write your vision. Make it plain. Use this list to go before your father and pray and seek his face. Ask him for the man that you desire. The word of God tells us that he will give us the desires of our heart. According to his will, he will do it. Seek his face, live for him, love him. There's nothing good that he will withhold from you. That's the God that we serve. He is so good to us, he is so kind, he is so loving, he is so generous. But use this season in your single years to really tap into Christ. Tap into the Word of God. Dig those wells that I spoke about earlier. Wells that you can draw from. Because ultimately you don't know what lies ahead. You can plan your life, you can plan your career, you can plan all sorts of things in your life, but you will never know what will really happen until you're walking in those seasons. Dig those wells. Wells of prayer, wells of fasting, wells of digging into the scriptures, learning the word of God. King David in the scripture says, Your word have I hidden in my heart that I might not sin against you. Hide the word of God in your heart. Dig those wells. You don't know what marriage will bring. We always have the best thoughts and the best outlook in life. But many people, whether we want to confess it or not, and I'm here to tell you the truth, many people have married, and their marriage has not been what they planned. It's not been what they've dreamt, it's not been what they've desired. Some people they go into marriage and their husband ends up sick, or their wife ends up sick for a period of time. How do you cope in those seasons of life? If all we have is a romanticized view of marriage, if all we have is that marriage is a bed of roses, how will we stand when challenges come in real life? In real life, people get sick. In real life, tragedies happen. In real life, there are problems. And at the same time, in real life, there is laughter, there is joy, there is love that overflows. In real life, there's happiness, but we must also remember that there will be challenges. And man's days are few and are full of trouble. That's what the word of God tells us. So dig those wells. Do it for you, do it for your future marriage, do it for your future children, those that will come from your loins, those that are afar off. Love God, develop that intimacy with Him, develop that relationship with Him. That when you are a wife and you Running your home, and you're being a steward of the things that God has placed into your hands. That you will hear the voice of your father when he's given you direction, that you will hear the voice of your father when he's given you instructions, and believe me, he will do it. He will do it if he speaks to you now in your single years, which he definitely does if you reach out to him. How much more will he speak to you when you are joining hand in hand with your husband to lead your home, to raise your children, to manage a greater amount of finances. I cannot really stress enough how important it is for us to really, really love our Heavenly Father. The relationship that you have with him is so important, I can't put it into words enough to really express how precious this relationship is. And believe me. If you don't believe me, find other people that you can ask, find other married couples that you can ask. How difficult it can be to really sustain your prayer life, your life of fasting and studying the word when you become a mum and you have a young family. It can be really difficult. Find a wife. Find a good wife. Find someone who has a good marriage that you can sit down and ask them questions. You know, we're more likely to listen to social media nowadays than we are to people that have lived the life. They've walked the walk. Find someone. Speak to married couples, speak to wives, ask them questions, pick their brains at a few things. Make notes, jot it down, pray over it. Build resilience. Dig those wells. I keep saying it, but I feel like I need to emphasize it again. Dig those wells. Do it while you can, because a season in life will come where you won't be able to pour into yourself as much as you would like to. Or you can, but it may be a lot more challenging for you to do so. So I'm here to walk this journey with you. If you have any comments or questions, I am available. Please I'd love it if you dropped me an email at hello.estergeneration tribe dot com. I'd love to hear from you. I'd love to hear your feedback. I'd like to hear what you have to say about these things that I'm discussing. Or if you have any suggestions of something that you'd like me to talk about, please drop me an email. I'd love to know your thoughts. For those of you that don't know, I have a weekly faith letter that I send out to all of my email subscribers where I just encourage you and walk you through some practical steps and advice on what you can do to prepare yourself for marriage whilst you're still single. All of the links you need are in the show notes. So please look below where you're listening to this podcast and you should be able to find all of the information there. I'm so grateful that you've tuned in. I'm praying for you. Until next time, may the Lord richly bless you.