The Expensive Mistakes Christian Women Make in Dating (That Cost You YEARS)

Are you investing your time, your heart, and your prayers into a relationship that has no clear direction? In this episode, I want to talk to you about something that I believe is absolutely critical — the cost of the mistakes we make in dating and relationships that we often don't count until it's too late.

As a biomedical scientist, I understand what it means to work to a standard, to count the cost before you begin, and to understand that some mistakes are not recoverable. I want to bring that same rigour and clarity to your love life — because time is the one thing you can spend and never, ever get back.

In this episode we cover:

— Why some mistakes cost you money, but relationship mistakes can cost you years
— What the Bible says about counting the cost before you begin
— The emotional trap that keeps women in situations that are going nowhere
— The mindset shift that changes everything
— How to use God's Word as your Standard Operating Procedure for relationships
— Practical steps to protect your time, your heart, and your future

This episode is for every single Christian woman who is serious about marriage and serious about not wasting another year of her life in something that is never going to get there.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Hey, welcome to the Single to Sacred Union Biblical Prep for a Godly Marriage Podcast. The place for single Christian women who are serious about preparing for marriage beginning morning. I'm your host, Georgina Wallace, and every week we'll have honest conversations about identity, healing, purpose, and the practical steps you can take to become the woman God has called you to be before you stay hiding. Whether you're waiting, dating, or just starting time again, you're in the right place. Let's grow together on purpose. So I want to talk to you today about something that has been on my heart. And I want to start with a simple question. Have you ever made a purchase, maybe something you bought online or in a shop, and by the time you realized it wasn't quite right, it was too late to return it? In the UK, once the tag is removed from an item of clothing, that item can no longer be returned. So whether you remove the tag intentionally or accidentally in a moment of excitement when you got home, the result is the same. You cannot get your money back because that item is no longer in a resellable condition. But then there are mistakes that cost you something that money cannot buy back. And those are the mistakes that I want to talk about. Because the most expensive mistakes we can make in this life are not the financial ones, as painful as those can be. The most expensive mistakes are the ones that cost us years. Years of our lives, years of our time, our emotional energy, our prayers and our hope. And when it comes to relationships and dating, I genuinely believe that this is one of the areas where Christian women are most at risk of making mistakes that are deeply, deeply costly. Not because they are foolish, not because they're not walking with God, but because nobody sat them down and said, before you go any further, count the cost. So this is what I want to do with you today. I want to sit down with you, sister to sister, and count the cost. Because I believe that if you understand the principle I'm about to walk you through, it would change your approach to every relationship going forward. It's rooted in the Word of God. So it's not just good sense, it's spiritual wisdom. Now let me start with the scripture that's been on my heart as I've been thinking about this. In Luke chapter 14, verses 28 to 32, the Lord Jesus Himself gives us two examples of what it means to count the cost. He says, and I love this passage, which one of you wanting to build a tower does not first sit down and count the cost to see whether he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid the foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it will begin to mock him, saying, This man began to build and was not able to finish. And then he goes further and says, Or what king going out to encounter another king in war will not first sit down and deliberate whether he is able with 10,000 to meet him who comes against him with 20,000. Do you understand what the Lord is saying here? He is saying that before you begin something significant, something that will require resources, time, energy, and commitment, wisdom demands that you sit down first and assess whether you can actually see it through to completion. That principle is so key, and it applies directly to how we enter into relationships. Because here is what I see happening, and I want to be honest with you because I think you deserve honesty. Many women, Christian women who love God, women who are praying and seeking his face, enter into relationships and situations without first sitting down and counting the cost. Not because they're careless, but because they are feeling. The emotion is real. The connection feels genuine, the chemistry is there, and they move based on how it feels rather than based on what the cost actually is. And I want you to understand something. That that is not a character flaw, that's human nature. But it's also how we end up spending three years, four years, sometimes longer, in a situation that was never going to reach the destination that we desired. Let me explain that again, because I think it's so important. You can spend years of your life in a relationship that is not going to the destination that you desire. Maybe the destination you desire is marriage. Maybe you could see it heading toward a marriage eventually, but it's taken a very, very long time because there's a lack of clarity, a lack of shared direction, a lack of honest conversation between the two of you about where this is going and within what time frame. And meanwhile, you are growing more and more weary, more and more emotionally exhausted, more and more confused. And then one day you find out that actually the man did not want to get married at all. Or he was not ready, or his intentions were never what you thought they were. And you look back and you realize that three years, four years of your life, three or four years that God gave you in this season were not invested in the way that best served your future. That is an expensive mistake, and it's one of the most expensive mistakes you can make. Now I want to be really clear about something here, because I'm not saying this to make you feel shame or to condemn you if this is your story. If this is your testimony, if you've been through exactly that, I want you to hear me when I say this with all the love in my heart. It's not your fault. It's not your fault that you were not taught. It's not your fault that the voices speaking into this space with clear biblical standards and with lives that actually reflect those standards haven't always been easy to find. This is one of the reasons why this podcast exists. This is one of the reasons why I'm here. Because I genuinely believe that this generation of single Christian women deserve better information, better preparation, and better outcomes. Do you understand where I'm going with this? So let me talk about mindset, because I believe that this is really important as well. Romans chapter 12, verse 2 says, be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Everything, absolutely everything in your life is shaped first by your mindset, what you believe about relationships, what you believe you deserve, what you believe is normal in dating, what you believe God requires of you in this season. All of it starts in the mind. And the path I was on before I got married was shaped by a mindset. I had a thought, and the thought was, I want to learn about marriage before I enter into it. In the same way, I did not walk into my career as a scientist without training. I did not start working in an NHS laboratory without a certificate of competence. Why? Because the standard matters. The outcome depends on the preparation, and I believe the same is absolutely true when it comes to marriage. So, what does it look like to count the costs in your dating life? Let me walk you through this practically because I do not want this to be a theoretical conversation. I want you to be able to take this and actually apply it. The first thing counting the cost means is knowing what you are looking for before you go looking. Now I'm not talking about a rigid checklist that you carry around and evaluate every man against. I'm talking about a genuine, prayerful, honest understanding of what you need, what your values are, what you are not willing to compromise on, and what kind of man is going to complement and strengthen who God has called you to be. If you've never sat down and done that work, if you have never gone before the Father and said, Lord, what does a husband-shaped man look like for my life? It's wise to start that process here. When you do it, it prevents you from being swept along by emotion and chemistry without the clarity you need to make a wise assessment. The second thing counting the cost means is being honest from the very beginning about intention. I know that that can feel like a lot of pressure. I know that we're often taught in Christian culture that you should just take things slowly, not rush, not put pressure on things. And there's a wisdom in that. I'm not suggesting you have a marriage conversation on the first date, but I am saying that within a reasonable time frame, you should be able to establish that this man is actually moving toward marriage and that he sees that as the destination. Not five years from now when he feels ready, not maybe at some point, but that marriage is his intention and that he is dating you with that direction in mind. If that conversation cannot be had, if his intentions cannot be articulated, that's important information for you. And counting the cost means you can receive that information clearly rather than explaining it away. Now let me bring in the laboratory for a moment, because I think that this analogy is so powerful. In my work as a biomedical scientist, we have something called standard operating procedures or SAPs. These are written procedures that govern how every test, every process, and every technique in the laboratory is carried out. They exist because some of the tests we perform are extremely expensive. We're talking about hundreds of pounds, sometimes thousands of pounds for a small number of tests. And the equipment used, the processes involved and the reagents, all of it is costly, refined, and sensitive. So you don't just want to go into the lab and start doing things based upon how you're feeling that day or what seems right in the moment. You follow the standard. Why? Because when everyone works to the same standard, you get reproducible, reliable results. The outcome is consistent and mistakes are minimized. Now, do you understand where I'm going with this? Because I believe that the word of God is our standard operating procedure for life, for relationships, for dating, for how we enter into covenants, for how we steward our hearts, for how we choose our husband. When we go to the word of God and we say, Lord, what does your blueprint say about this? What is the standard? That is when we stop being moved by every feeling, every emotional wave, every movement of chemistry, and we start being anchored in something solid and trustworthy. And the beautiful thing about a standard is that it's reproducible. Anyone can take these principles and walk with them. They are not exclusive to me or to people with a particular background or to women who have got it all together. They are available to every woman who will sit down, open the word of God, and say, Lord, I want to do this your way. The third point I want to make about counting the cost is being honest about what you are actually spending in a relationship, not just what you're receiving. Because one of the things I've observed is that many women are giving enormously in their dating relationships without asking what they're actually receiving in return. They are giving time, and time is the one resource that you can spend and never get back. You can rebuild your finances. I know people who have come out of very serious financial situations, enormous amounts of debt, and been able to work through it and recover. That's not easy, and I'm not trying to minimize it, but it can be done. There are programs, there are organizations, there are debt management schemes. Finances, as difficult as they can be, are recoverable. But time, time you cannot recover. The years you spend in a situationship that was never going anywhere, the emotional energy you pour into a man who is comfortable with you but not committed to you, those years don't come back. And that is why I say this is one of the most expensive mistakes that you can make. So here is what I would encourage you to do. And I want to make this practical and prayerful because both matter. First, before you get any deeper into a situation you are currently in, sit down and count the cost. Not from a place of fear or anxiety, but from a place of wisdom and clarity. Ask yourself, is there forward movement here? Are conversations happening about the future? Does he know what he wants? And have I been told clearly what that is? And take those questions to the Lord. Father, is this something I should be investing in right now in my life? Is this aligned with where you're taking me? That conversation with God, that's not passive waiting. That's active intentional discernment. That's faith and wisdom working together. Second, if you're in the early stages of getting to know someone, do the preparation before you get too emotionally invested. Know what the non-negotiables are. Know what the word of God says about a husband's character, about a man who fears God, about a man who is ready to lead a household. Do not just go on how he makes you feel in the first few weeks. Feelings are real, but they're not the complete picture. Let wisdom and discernment be the filter alongside your emotions, not instead of them, but alongside them. And third, start praying now. Whether you're in a relationship, just beginning to get to know someone, or completely single in this season, start praying about your future. I said something in an earlier episode that I want to say again here, because I believe it so strongly. I started praying for my children before I even knew who my husband was, before I could name him, before I could picture his face. I was praying into the lives of my children. Why? Because I understood that what you invest in prayer today has compounded returns. And I believe the same is true about your future marriage. Pray for the man God is preparing for you. Pray for his faith, his character, his readiness. Pray for your own readiness. Pray for wisdom and discernment in the process. Dig those wells now so that when the season does come, you've got something to draw from. Now I want to say something that I think ties all of this together. I said it at the beginning that some mistakes are cheap and some are expensive. A 30 to 50 pound dress with a tag accidentally removed, that's uncomfortable, it's annoying, but it's recoverable. But a year, two years, three years of your life pulled into a relationship that wasn't going anywhere, with a man whose intentions were never truly aligned with yours, with no foundation of clarity or commitment, that's expensive. And the beautiful thing about counting the cost in advance is that it protects you from that kind of loss. It's not being cynical, it's not being unromantic, it's not lacking in faith, it's wisdom. It's the kind of wisdom that Jesus Himself pointed to when he said, sit down first, assess first, count the cost first. You are too valuable and your time is too precious. Your future is too important for you to go into the most significant relationship of your life without having done that. So I want to encourage you, be a woman who counts the cost. Be a woman who goes before her Heavenly Father and asks for clarity and wisdom. Be a woman who knows what she's looking for, holds that standard with grace and without apology, and does not allow herself to be moved into something undefined and unmoving simply because it feels good in the moment. Because the right relationship, the one God has for you, will not require you to sacrifice your clarity for it. It will not require you to minimize your needs or explain away the ambiguity. It will be one where the cost has been counted on both sides and the direction is clear. If you've not yet listened to my episode on the three pillars, I would encourage you to go back and listen to that one as well, because the two really do go hand in hand. And if you want to go deeper with me on this topic, if you really want to sit down and work through what intentional dating actually looks like in practice, how to protect your time, how to have the right conversations, and how to move forward in your love life with clarity and conviction, then I would love to have you join me at the next Intentional Dating Masterclass. The details are in the description below. Sign up, get your name on the list, and come and learn with us. There is so much more I want to share with you, and I genuinely believe it will make a huge difference. Until next time, may the Lord richly bless you.