Navigating Grief and Loss: Personal Stories and Lessons Learned (Part 2)

In part 2 of this heartfelt episode, Ashley and Tarra share both their deeply personal journey through grief after losing her mother and offers insights into the complex emotional and practical aspects of saying goodbye. Whether you're coping with loss yourself or supporting someone else, this candid conversation explores the raw realities of mourning and the nuanced process of healing.

Main Topics:
- Personal experiences with grief and the emotional impact of losing a parent
- Physical and mental responses to significant loss, including internal shakiness and emotional waves
- The long and complex journey of end-of-life care, including navigating healthcare and hospice challenges
- Grief as an ongoing process, not a linear path, with ups and downs
- Practical considerations: managing estate, insurance, and legal matters after loss
- The importance of community, family, and emotional tethers during grief
- Reflections on how grief alters perceptions of life, identity, and future

The Ashley Clinic

We Are Building a New Way of Staying Healthy

Several factors provided the inspiration for the creation of the Ashley Clinic.  Primarily, corporate medicine changed the focus from the patient centered care model to a business management platform. The healthcare industry now focuses on time and money management, resulting in inflated healthcare costs.  Many patients are discouraged with the current overpriced system, causing them to seek treatment later in their disease process, oftentimes worsening their outcomes. In the interest of patient centered care, health, and well being, Ashley wanted to provide a more affordable platform to the people in the community she grew up in. Utilizing her advanced education and skills, Ashley provides exceptional healthcare at an affordable cost. Additionally, Ashley uses alternative approaches to health maintenance by offering integrative medicine practices as well.

Website: 

https://theashleyclinic.com/

Email

hello@TheAshleyClinic.com

Phone

(850) 741-3146

Address

2400 S Hwy 29
Cantonment, FL  32533

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:08

We're here to educate, empower, and entertain you. What a point free.

SPEAKER_01 0:13

This is healthcare without the bullshit. Just making that decision, even knowing their wishes ahead of time. Yes. Even knowing that they didn't want to linger, they didn't want to suffer. They wanted to be hospiced.

SPEAKER_02 0:26

Like I said, we were in-house and ours did not go any more smooth. Like I'm when I tell you, like the things that occurred, you're like, like one day I show up and she's in a gown that is saturated in blood. And I'm like, Hello. What's uh I mean, we are inpatient. And we aren't even DNRs at this point. We might have become a DNR that day. My mom had just signed hers in February. Yeah. So we had just like that day, I think it transitioned to DNR. And I walk in, and it was me and her best friend who was a CRNA. We called her Nancy Nurse. And um, I mean, the medical when you're a medical person, the medical community like rallies. Like Dr. Wolf came by. I mean, all these people that you see in this big, you know, medical environment are like then humanized really quickly. But Nancy Nurse was always there, even when I was sick as a child. So Nancy came and sh I was like, mom, like my mom is covered in blood. And she had had like a pick line put in. Like her pick line had failed, so they, you know, switched it or whatever, and her blood thinners, whatever. Anyway, so you walk in and you're like, wow, you know like my sister's coming. She will freak out, not do well with mom tip to tail and blood. And I was like, so I, you know, ring the little nurse button and I'm like, hey, um, can y'all uh I can you send a nurse in here for a minute? And they do, and I was like, hey, um, I'm assuming she had procedure today. Can we like get her changed? And they're like, yeah, yeah, sure, no problem. And um But why didn't they do already? So they come back in the room and Nancy nurse and I are in there. They hand literally they're like, they're like, here you go. Take it. And they're like, take, take the bedding, take the gowns. And I was like, Oh, you want me to do it? Okay. Um, all right. Well, I'm pretty fresh uh in nursing. Like Nancy's been a CRNA as long as my mom. And I was joking, I'm like, I was like, Nancy, um, you want to help me uh roll her in, you know, she's on BiPAP, all these things. And she's like, Yeah, absolutely. I was like, Are you sure you can? OR nurse. And Nancy's like, I have been a nurse longer than you. I was like, Yeah, but 1975 was probably your last bed bath. I'm just saying. And she was like, get let me get on the side of the bed. And sure enough, we like bathed my mom and cleaned her up. And my mom, as if you moved her, she would become hysterical. She had a PCA pump, but she couldn't do anything about it, right? So, like I said, I wrestled with that because we have been taught like we are basically killing humans. Yeah, but I was like click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click on her Adaban until she was rested enough. I mean, she was hysterical, ripping things off, ripping things out, can't breathe.

SPEAKER_01 3:32

And that's what happens at the end of life because you are trying to breathe and you become anxious. Burating shit. Air hunger. Air hunger. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 3:40

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:41

So I was getting mom morphine and Atavan.

SPEAKER_02 3:43

Yeah, with I and she, I think, was getting morphine. I don't know. I didn't have to do that part, but the Atavan, she had a pump for that she never utilized. And so, you know, be when she was lucid in the beginning of the week, she might have used she never she would not have used her her PC. First of all, I know her. She doesn't need that. So they were like zero attempts, you know, zero. She only was getting used. And then all of a sudden, when I show up this day and she's like hysterical, I mean it's like 1478 attempts. Yeah. They went from zero to like an hour or some shit like that. But you can click it.

SPEAKER_01 4:21

I think it was the clicking was helping me get through this. You're trying. You know, on that like, I don't know, 20th or 30th time, one's gonna be delivered.25 of Ataban.

SPEAKER_02 4:32

Woo! I know. I mean, uh whatever it was. I don't even know the settings, but I'm sure they were like, damn, Judy. I'm like, oh here, like, I don't even care. Click, click, click, click. I will go straight to nurse hell and live there and frolic and not worry about fire and see, whatever.

SPEAKER_01 4:49

And it's click, click, click, click. But yeah, you did call me and say, give her a nurse dose. I said, Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I probably need to do that. Because it was every four hours, then two hours, but then every hour is assessed. She had not been assessed, correct. And so I gave her a country dose by you.

SPEAKER_02 5:03

Because I, you know, eventually we caught up the country dose is caught up, you know, with the timing because yeah, I'm not gonna And when we when we ex when we say that, we're saying like a you know, is it a point C that we're doing 0.5 of a C C which is pedal of nothing. It's really nothing, but eventually it will plateau in the blood where the patient can be comfortable. Yeah, and in like a normal setting, you can you can if you have time as well.

SPEAKER_01 5:31

As a four or four of morphine zipran, four and four, and here we are doing 0.25 milligrams of morphine on my right, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 5:37

It's like pissing in the wind. Right. So you it in in but in your mind you're like, oh my god, holy shit, am I euthanizing?

SPEAKER_01 5:42

Because this is hourly thing.

SPEAKER_02 5:43

I'm euthanizing my mother.

SPEAKER_01 5:45

I did. I thought, I feel like I'm euthanizing a dog, I'm euthanizing my mother. And then the whole thing at 348 this morning was, you killed your mother. Yes. Yeah. No, I did not. No, she was already on her way out. This just ended her suffering portion of it, and she was able to transition easier and she was able to breathe because she did say when she was breathing before the morphine, she goes, every time I have it on video, every time I breathe, it's like I can't catch my breath. I'm like, okay. So then when I gave her the morphine, she was able to breathe consistently, slower, but consistently and not struggling to breathe, which is the worst because her biggest fear was drowning. So here she is, not in water. Drowning drowning, secretion, air and yeah, and secretion. So because your cough reflex is gone. Yeah, completely gone. And I think the way that the HSP had moved up into her extremities, her upper extremities, and then her breathing and her diaphragm. Yes. And I just knew this is not what she wanted. And Patra, so we're not doing that, you know.

SPEAKER_02 6:43

Ten years later, I go through it again with Petra and ALS. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 6:47

And that was a very similar fucking difficult disease.

SPEAKER_02 6:50

So, you know, my mom never it was not it. So her pulmonary fibrosis was never diagnosed why she had this. She wasn't a smoker, she didn't do any of those things. And fast forward 10 years, her sister was in a car accident and was pan-scanned. Oh, that's right. And her CTs showed ground glass opacities and a nodule. And they're like, you need to go to polenology. And sure enough, then she has the same lung disorder that you know, they're telling me about it. I'm like, this sounds like alpha-1 antatrypsin. And so we had no idea. That was never diagnosed in the 15 years that.

SPEAKER_01 7:28

It was very prevalent.

SPEAKER_02 7:29

It was all I remember. Was it the pink puffers? I remember learning. The pink puffers. Mom was a pink puffer. But it was, I don't know. I don't know what happened there. But either way, I mean, open lung biopsies, MRIs, bone marrow biopsies, sinus biopsies. I mean, we did everything. And um, it just was it eluded all the specialists.

SPEAKER_01 7:53

Wild.

SPEAKER_02 7:53

But and sometimes it just does. So you're weird disease. So you have HSP and then my mom with pulmonary fibrosis. Pulmonary fibrosis, an accelerated form that we don't know why. Idiopathic, actually. It was considered idiopathic.

SPEAKER_01 8:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:08

Because it was she was never diagnosed. Yeah. And then when I tested myself, I found that I had an abnormal gene. So I am her direct receipt that it was what it what I what it was.

SPEAKER_01 8:20

So whoever goes first, yeah. Country dose. Yeah. Oh, for real. Don't you fuck me over? Me neither. Done. Okay, so that's about our moms. Yeah. So there you go. There's her story about our moms. And now we're gonna talk about the grief.

SPEAKER_02 8:36

The grief part. How you get over it.

SPEAKER_01 8:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:38

So we don't. We don't. You don't ever get over it.

SPEAKER_01 8:41

And I know that now. I mean, I thought I knew it before because I had significant loss with my grandparents, but there's nothing. It's completely different in the nature of mama. So dabda, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. And they don't have to go in that order at all.

SPEAKER_02 8:54

No.

SPEAKER_01 8:55

I remember that. And there's no timeline. No. No timeline. No, you'll have good days and bad days, good moments and bad moments every single day. And everybody's told me you never get over the loss of your mother. You just kind of move through it and you'll have moments. And I have had moments, lots of moments.

SPEAKER_02 9:11

So it's interesting that when you when you do this, when you get when you go through this, right? Like so we're all gonna go through this. Absolutely. There's no one to do it. Nobody will escape this. You have one parent that you like at least. All do this at different times. That is the guarantee. We will all go through it, but we're all gonna do it at different times. And so my question in the beginning was to people, I'm like, what do you think is easier? Do you think it's easier to lose them abruptly? Or you think it's easier to watch them decline and lose them slowly?

SPEAKER_01 9:44

I think regardless of it's abrupt or if it's long term, I think you go through an emotional whiplash just like this. Absolutely. Jesus. You know, one day you're great, and one day you're not, and one moment you are, and one, it's just you're all over the place.

SPEAKER_02 9:58

One minute you have a center, and all of a sudden all your lines were cut.

SPEAKER_01 10:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:02

And you're just floating. You're like, oh my God. Literally, like, I gotta like decisions.

SPEAKER_01 10:08

Yeah, a couple of things. You know, when they say that your world's world stops, oh, yeah, it really stops.

SPEAKER_02 10:14

It really stops.

SPEAKER_01 10:15

It's totally different when you lose your parent because your world stops, and then everybody else just goes on about their business and about their day, and you're like, wait, I'm over here still grieving and I'm still like lost. I don't know who I am without my mom right now. I don't know who that is. This is a whole new actually. It's like now I'm this little matriarch of this little family. I'm like, uh nope, not ready, not ready. Right. But she had prepared me for this, definitely prepared me for it, but I wasn't ready to step in that role. So it's kind of like your hand is forced, and you just kind of there you go. Right. It just gets dealt to you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:50

And then the other thing that I have an older sister, so I still have a a little bit of a I don't. I know. Having an older sister, well, I have an older brother too. So I do have like this one little tether that still holds me to that aspect of my family in a way, you know what I mean? And I have like my mom's sisters too, so I do have some, I can see her in those small tethers that I can sometimes I can call my aunt and be like, hey, what was mama's favorite bean? Like, I don't remember what it was. She'll know. Or uh, you know, I can ask them a few questions here and there. And you have an aunt, she knows things about your mom. She does. She does. So you do, even in your grief, like unless everybody's wiped out, you have these small tethers that still tie you to your base, but they're super, they're not the same. No. I think your mother, I think it's like an umbilical cord, like it is.

SPEAKER_01 11:50

It got cut. Like when I tell you when she took her last breath on this planet, you felt it. Yes, a detached. It's like her soul was still part of mine. And then when she died, it's like it was just completely cleaned out of my body. And I'm like, Yes. This is the worst feeling. It's like a literal ripping of your soul.

SPEAKER_02 12:10

I remember thinking, like, my mom had already passed hours prior to this, like she was shunting, she was still on Bipath, she still technically had vitals. And me thinking, like, there's no way I'm mentioning anything right now. I don't have the ability to tell my brother and sister two hours prior to where we made a decision. But I remember thinking, like, God, all right, I'm not doing that. I'm just gonna sit here and wait. And then my I think my brother was like, What do you think? Tara, because her heart rate started slowing down.

SPEAKER_01 12:44

Ooh. My mom's did not. She stayed at 122 beats a minute for the entire time. And then I promised her, I said, Mama, I promise I'll take care of my sister and my dad. I said, I promise I'll take care of them. Her pulse dropped to 60 for a second, and then it went right back up. I'm like, ah, so then anyway, so she eventually did drop out. Um her respirations dropped out. Yes, her sats dropped finally.

SPEAKER_02 13:12

And she wasn't using supplemental. My mom was still on BiPAC. No, they didn't offer. Why? They wasn't ever offered. I don't know. Why was my mom on BiPAC? I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 13:21

I don't know either. I got offered nothing. But anyway, well, we were in-house. Yeah. Remember, we were abruptly transitioned. Yeah. So moving through the grief process, um, everybody's different. I know that in the quiet moments, like my time of day, the worst for me is morning on the way to work and evening on the way home because that's when I would talk to her twice a day. Do you need me to come by? Do you need anything? Can I go to the store? What do you need? And now it's like nothing. But then the other worst day, the worst day, I think for me, is driving to church on Sundays. Like last Sunday, I'm driving, and usually my mom would call me on Sunday and say, I need you to. I'm like, okay, and I would turn around and not go to church. We'd watch it together on TV, but then I would, you know, turn the car around and go home. Well, then I'm on my way to church. There's nothing stopping me from going to church this Sunday. Not a thing. Not a thing. Well, I just turned the car around because I'm just a I realized I didn't receive her phone call. So I'm like, ugh.

SPEAKER_02 14:16

Right. I went to my mom's church a lot after I want to go.

SPEAKER_01 14:23

I can't I cried the first time I went like a couple Sundays ago. I just squalled through the everybody singing and then I mean through the message I was okay, but because it didn't apply to me that day. I mean, I'm sure it did in some aspect, but not that day. Right. It wasn't like, you know, profound that day for me. Um that's ugly to say. No, it's not.

SPEAKER_02 14:44

It's it it doesn't always reach this the right I mean, you know what I mean? Sometimes it falls on deaf ears.

SPEAKER_01 14:50

It doesn't need to fall on you. Yeah, it didn't fall on me that day. I was good. But and then yesterday, not able to go. Right. No. So you're moving through the grief process, but you're gonna hear them, you're gonna smell them, you're gonna be reminded of them, and that's when you kind of lose it a little bit. Yeah. But I think that's honestly gotten easy even easier. That's even gotten easier over the past four weeks because of the grieving that already did with her before she left.

SPEAKER_02 15:19

Well, and I think you're uh in a healthy place as an adult that you recognize it and you are willing to work through it. That's a big part of it, is but like you said, the world does not let you. Oh, yeah. And then I remember I was like literally like, okay, my mom died, I'm gonna go to work. And my my friend uh Alex was like, No. And I was like, no, yeah, that's the only place I can really like be numb, right? Was at work. But I remember, so now I'm not at work, and all of a sudden, Regions freaking bank wants me to pay my mortgage. And I'm like, listen, do you know what just happened to me? I my I am rocked as a human, like my entire core, and Regions Bank has the audacity. I just was I couldn't even.

SPEAKER_01 16:11

Uh that's what we're gonna talk about too. Banks. Yeah. Okay, so um, my mom said that she left me passwords and logins on her phone. What you know, everything's on my phone. I'm like, okay. Lied.

SPEAKER_00 16:24

She did not leave me one of my passwords.

SPEAKER_01 16:26

Well, I'm sure if you log on to her phone or maybe get on that website, but after she died, so here's some information. When you die and you're receiving Social Security, the funeral home reports your social security number to Social Security and tells them, hey, she's passed. Right. So it stops the Social Security from coming in. But I didn't know that they also alert your freaking bank. So when I go to pay my dad's bills, now that everything is him, I gotta pay his power, water, gas, garbage, mortgage, all these things. I can't get into her account. There's no passwords. I have no passwords, I can't even get on there. I mean, I knew what her password was, but when you try it and you're locked out of the accounts, right? So then you have to go down there. So we go to this bank that is of the military servicey kind of thing. And we go there, and they say, Well, you need to call this number for the survivors line. I'm like, But we're here now, we've waited an hour, I'll call them for you. They give it to him, they talk, oh, we were moved for all of all the accounts already. I'm like, So you just erased my mom from the fucking planet because what? It just threw me for a loop. And I'm like, for them, fuck y'all. It made me so mad. I was mad for a good three solid days, infuriated wanting to burn places down. But I didn't, so if it catches on fire, it wasn't me. Anyway, so that um Social Security is supposed to pay in arrears, and so we were under the impression that she lived 26 days of February, we were gonna get a check in March. No, we actually have to pay them back for two days of February because she didn't make it to the 28th day. So you have to go back and pay. So same thing with my grandmother. She lived only 13 days of the month. Her birthday was September 13th, and she would get her check on like the 13th or 14th or 15th of the next month. She got October and they paid her in November. She died November 13th, two months after she turned 65. And so that check got pulled back out of the account that was automatically deposited. So same thing with my mother.

SPEAKER_02 18:23

Everything is different when there's no spouse and only children.

SPEAKER_01 18:28

Oh, I cannot even imagine. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:29

So then you have to probate, and all of that.

SPEAKER_01 18:33

I don't know how that's gonna happen for me. I gotta figure that out too, because my mom did a ladybird deed, so we're already on the title. Mm-hmm. Anyway, I don't know. But my dad put me on all the accounts while we were there. They erased her from the planet. That's how it made me. Another She's dead. Bye. We'll take her off. No problem. I mean, can you just ask us first? That's literally what happened. I don't like that. I know. Because again, the thing about the whole world standing still, I'm still in this Greek process. But also, the other metaphor is the world dims a little bit. Yeah. It really does dim. I'm telling you, the light is different, and that it's not a metaphor. It is absolutely true. When they tell you that the world dims a little bit when your loved one, when that person that is so close to you, is gone. I liken it to being like a grainy 70s home video, that light dark color that's like, you know, that light dark color. That dark, it's not bright. It's just dimmed. Everything looks different. And I always think of it as a space. Hmm. That too. I think of the power of one of the the the Bigfoot video, the guy walking across the river. It was like quite 70s dim grainy. Yeah, that's how it looks to me now. So it's just different. So yeah. It is very different. Another thing, grief is not linear. You're not gonna walk through grief and it's done. Right. And you're not gonna go through the grieving process and it's done. Like uh anger came late for me. I don't think I really really do depression because I felt like I knew where she was and I knew that she was no longer suffering because my mother did not want to lay in that bed for two years. Right. She didn't want to be in that wheelchair at all. Right. I even bought her a new wheelchair that she never used because I'm not using that. I'm gonna use the secondhand one that is a piece of shit. I'm not gonna use that big, heavy duty,$2,000 beautiful wheelchair. It's just gonna sit right there because I'm not doing it. I'm like, okay.

SPEAKER_02 20:27

So see, we didn't have any, we didn't do any of that stuff because it just was so abrupt. Yeah. Like literally she literally went and had lobster that day. And then boom, next day. She said good day. Yeah, she was like peace out, guys. Yeah. And so that would that's another a difference in passing that you like. So for you, you know, I'm not saying it it's better or worse, but in my mind, even though I know this isn't true, because you can't process what's happening at the time. But in my mind, I think that there was some ability to process, but I really don't believe there is because it's so it's almost like seeing jack-alopes. Like, I don't even know what what did I just see? Did was that Bitfoot? I don't know. Like you know what I mean? Like, what was that? Your brain can't process it.

SPEAKER_01 21:15

And you're gonna need to take time off because she died on a Thursday. I went to back that fall back to work that following Tuesday, and I was okay, but I was really having trouble.

SPEAKER_02 21:23

Well, luckily, corporate America gives you three days bereavement. We've got to fix this, guys.

SPEAKER_01 21:31

Like, you need at least a week of after bereavement minimum. I mean, why are we why are we rushing? Because you're a cog in the wheel, bitch, and they need your money. They need your they need your effort, they need your energy. And exactly as you're making in the wheel of society, and they're like, Pete, she's done. I just went back to work because I was busy because I'd taken off the week that my mom was going through the morphine that week. I took off her death week. Um, we shut my closet. It down for a week. And I have some really great staff. Miss Juliana, man, she did it. I love Ms. M. Juliana. She kept it together. She even deep cleaned the office. She just found all kinds of things to do and she took care of it. So she did that. But then the next week I got busy because the next weekend was our five-year anniversary party for the office. And then that was on Saturday. And then Sunday was my mother's uh celebration of life. So I said, shit, I've got to get busy and get all these patients that I didn't see this week taken care of this week. And it's great. And I was okay that week. It helped me. But the following Tuesday, that was tough. After everything was done, is when all of that driving to work and driving home hit. And I was like, I cannot do this. So I kept makeup and coming to work with shh tears, you know, down the face, and um was not ready. No. It was yeah, you didn't know. Like you needed a you need a moment. You really do. So did your mom have life insurance? Mm-hmm. Mine did not. Yeah, my mom had it under control. I ended up having to pay for work for her. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 23:04

I had to pay for her creepation. Well, we did, so none of that processes quickly. So we ended up paying for it. Yeah. But technically we're first, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:13

So I had to pay for that. And then my aunt did her celebration of life and had a lot of the church ladies bring stuff up. It was just feel like that damn red velvet cake. Oh. Oh my God. Mrs. Butts, that was amazing.

SPEAKER_02 23:24

That was amazing. That was a solid wait. Those cookies. I said. Who did the cookies? Those were made with love. A lot of love. Listen, you can't put me and Pam together. Now, had you not been hosting and doing it. I was being pulled every week away. Probably would have been right there with me and Pam cut.

SPEAKER_01 23:41

You know what? I should have brought my mom. You should have. And I bring my mom. That would have been great. So my mama wanted to be in a coffee can. It was hilarious. I literally was like, hey, Ashley, do you want me to move this coffee? No. It was a Folgers can. Because originally I got her a Maxwell House can because that's what she drank. First of all, in the 80s with my grandmother. Nasty. Well, that's what they drank in the 80s and early 90s. And then they switched over to my mom switched over to Folgers. I guess that's why. Why don't you just get her some Sanka? Well. Maybe. And sweet and low. Oh dear God, the pink packets. So yeah. So she wanted to be in a Folgers can. So I found one on C. Yeah. It's an old Folders can red can, plastic top, the bottom of it. I was like, I had an Albertson sticker for$6.45. You get this whole big thing of coffee already pre-grounded, everything. And they left it on there. So when they put her cremains in there, um, they have to put a sticker on it. And so they put it on the bottom. But he said, I made sure not to go over the Albertson sticker. I said, Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_02 24:42

That means a lot to me. But literally, like you show up and they're like, the pictures and the flowers. And then I was like, why is there a coffee? Do you want me to move this coffee? Put it in the pantry. Well, but put it in your mom's pantry.

SPEAKER_01 24:54

Come on, Deborah. Yeah. Let's go, Deborah. We're going in a pantry. Um, and here's the other thing too, I didn't know about cremees. If whenever you're traveling with your loved ones, remains cremains, you have to have all of the paperwork with you. I was like, oh, you can get in trouble, apparently.

SPEAKER_02 25:11

I mean, technically they'll figure it out, but I'm sure it's not cocaine, okay? It's and you didn't like it's not some random person that you've cremated. Right. But how do you prove it? I don't know. Well, I mean, they'll just I'm sure they could figure it out, right? Figure it out.

SPEAKER_01 25:26

Yeah. Maybe. I don't know. Yeah, that was pretty, that was pretty, that was hilarious. That's what she wanted. I promised her I would get that. And weirdly, I had been looking for a folders can off and on for the past year and a half, you know, thinking, okay, I gotta get this taken care of, and never could find one. Never. Yeah. I thought that was wild you were able to find. Found one on Thursday. We'd gone to the funeral home Thursday morning, found the Folgers can that afternoon, and got it like the next Monday or Tuesday. Mm-hmm. That was that was a long time. That's divine. I'll take that skin right there.

SPEAKER_02 26:01

Yeah. So my mother's life insurance policy, because you know, we were um we did that's how we got all fancy pants. Mm-hmm. That was my that's my godwing from Judy.

SPEAKER_01 26:14

Oh, I like that.

SPEAKER_02 26:15

Yeah. So that's how that went down. And uh because I I don't I mean, I would have I would have uh you know financed it somehow, but um her mother made it happen. Yeah, she did. And that was it just showed up at this right time, and I was like, wow. And then you're when you're you you're you're utilizing your mom's life, it's really a weird place to I can see that use your mother's life insurance to bring in a life to do anything. At least I thought to myself, well, at least I'm bringing like this whole human right into the world instead of like going to Hawaii. Buy a car. Right. So you you you struggle with it. Well I would know that you struggle with it. I and I mean I may it sound so first world problems, but you struggle with everything. Like, would she want me to do this? Would she not want me? You know, so with or without, I think you struggle with every single aspect. Because before she was there to give you her opinion, and we both know, like Judy and Deborah would be like, Tara, is this your first day? Like, what in the world? Yeah, poor choices.

SPEAKER_01 27:24

Yeah, are you sure you want to do that?

SPEAKER_02 27:26

You know, it didn't matter what you did, but and then so in your mind, you're like, I'm gonna try to do things that my mom would approve of, which is crazy. Because they don't care. You're not worried about what we do with their life insurance, but it's a coping mechanism, yeah. It's a it's a it's a grief evolution, like it's a thing. Yeah, I had my so and mine was a little different. You know, my brother did most of the legalities that surround it. Sarah had money. I didn't. No. Uh-huh. No, my brother just is real smart. And he was able to have that.

SPEAKER_01 28:02

So I I didn't have to, is my point. Um, insurance-wise. You had insurance, I didn't have insurance, still have to pay for everything. It's just make sure that your parents give you passwords, sign-ons. Yes. We might need to do a part two. Yeah, we'll do a part two next time. Yeah. What to do? What to do?

SPEAKER_02 28:18

We did. We talked about the passing because it's an evolution. So yeah, I think that'd be good. It's just do a, okay, now your mother has passed. Now your now what? Your family member has passed. Now what to do? And now what I like that next time take or cut.

SPEAKER_01 28:39

And done. See you next time. Bye.

SPEAKER_00 28:42

Bye-bye. That takes to that, the show where two real life providers get real health. Health, habits, wellness, and broken healthcare system. We're to educate and power and entertainment. Wanna point free now? It's healthcare without the bulk.