013: You Want Glory? Be Holy

In this episode, I share what God has been showing me about holiness and how my view of it is changing.

More and more, holiness is not feeling dull, lifeless, or restrictive to me. It is starting to feel beautiful.

To be holy is to be set apart for God. To belong to Him. To reflect His character more clearly in every area of life.

And I’m realizing that holiness is not God calling us to become blank, colorless people. He is not making us less ourselves. He is making us into what we were always meant to be: lives that bear His image well.

I talk about how this shift feels similar to the way my understanding of heaven changed as I got older. What once felt flat and sterile has become, through Scripture, something far richer, fuller, weightier, and more alive. Holiness is beginning to feel that way too.

Not stale.
 Not small.
 Not merely behavior modification.

But a real shaping. A sanctifying. A making fit for the Master’s use.  

I also share an update about a home we looked at this week, and why it was not the right fit.

If I’m honest, I do not even know how we would get approved for a mortgage right now or how any of that would come together. But even in that, I found myself wondering if maybe the Lord is being kind to me.

Maybe He is preparing me for the weight of the glory of home, so that home itself will not become my identity, my source of joy, or my reason for existing.

Maybe some things are not withheld because God is cruel.

Maybe they are withheld because He is merciful.

Because weight reveals what is underneath. And God, in His kindness, prepares us before He places more on us.  

In this episode:

•  why my view of holiness is changing 
•  how holiness is starting to feel beautiful, freeing, and full of life 
•  why holiness is not the same thing as legalism 
•  how God sanctifies what He saves 
•  why the Lord often prepares us before He gives us more 
•  a personal update on the home we looked at this week 
•  why I think even that disappointment may be mercy 

📖 Scripture referenced
 1 Peter 1:15–16
 Romans 8:18
 Romans 8:29
 John 15

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 dawnofvalorpodcast@gmail.com

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey friends, I'm Michaela Don Shaparo, and nearly four years ago, my son Bellar died one week before his first birthday. That loss was the catalyst to a war of my own metamorphosis to become a woman who possessed the virtue of his name. For years, God has been pruning, stripping, and tending to the garden of our lives. And after years of white knuckling my way through loss, I finally surrendered everything. My husband and I, along with our five children, sold our beloved home we've raised them in. We're selling nearly everything we own and uprooting our family in Texas to plant new roots 1700 miles away in Pennsylvania. We don't know a soul, we don't have a plan, just a beckoning. We have no idea what we're doing, but we know the one who does. And we believe he's doing something new. This is my honest, real-time account of what it looks like to fight, to become a woman of valor, right here in the middle of surrender. It's a window into my wrestle with God, grief, and calling. Because the valley of suffering really is the veil of soulmaking. And this is where my soul is being forged. If you're longing to see what God can do with chattered pieces, if you need to believe he still makes beauty from ashes, pull up the chair. If you want to live a life of valor but are unsure how, you're invited to listen, as I learned too. He's got the pen, I'm just the ink. And I believe he's writing something worth watching unfold. He says he will make everything beautiful in that time. This is our yes to that comment. Our lives laid bare for him to prove it true. And no matter what unfolds here in this reckless abandonment, this is simply an offering for his glory and my valor. Welcome, friends, to the Dawn of Valor. Hey fam, welcome back to the Dawn of Valor podcast. I'm your host, Michaela Don Shaparro, and I'm very proud of myself. I am back less than one week after the last time you heard from me, which is truly unprecedented if we're being completely honest in this process. I had great intentions in the beginning. I thought I would do this every week, and as you have heard, if you've stuck around for any of this, you've noticed that I really have only come on every few weeks to every couple of months. Um I just underestimated how truly hard the living this out would truly be. And so I'm very proud to say that I'm back less than a week after the last time I recorded for the first time ever, maybe. Um and I wanted to get on this week because it is Holy Week. And if you are a Christian, you know that basically our entire Christian faith hinges on this week. It hinges on the death and the resurrection of Jesus Christ. And I thought it was pertinent because what I'm learning about holiness, I touched on it in my last episode. Um, I started talking about it because I had just started the new chapter in what we're going over with Linda, um, my neighbor next door. And I just felt like the Lord laid it on my heart and really gave me this revelation, if I would call it that, um, about holiness and about his call to holiness in the Christian life. And I really just I'm I'm really excited about what I feel like he's revealing to me about himself, about his character, about the call on my life, um, and the call on all of our lives if we're believers and um if we truly um want to answer the call on our lives for holiness. Um, and so I hope I am going to be able to eloquently put this. I feel like I'm drinking from a like a fire hydrant, and I'm like also in real-time processing, and also I'm keep in mind, I'm not a teach. I don't feel like I have the gift of teaching as much as I wish that I did. Um, I I don't have that gift. And so like taking concepts or the mush in my brain, like I can I can write poetry, I can write like essays, I can write, I can write things, but trying to basically like monologue what it is that he's doing in me and what he's revealing to me about himself and his character, and trying to like share that. Um, it feels a little bit like teaching, but I don't want to say I'm teaching because obviously I'm still learning this. I've been honest about that from the very get-go. I am definitely not a teacher in this aspect. Um, but I just want to share because I feel like my perspective on holiness has shifted just in the last week of like sort of learning about what it is and realizing that it's a call on all of our lives as Christians. I think growing up in the Bible Belt and just being around um, just being around Christianity and like the lukewarm, watered down, diluted version of it that had lost its shock value because it was just so common and like there's a church on every corner, and everybody goes to church on Wednesdays and Sundays, and everyone just speaks the lingo, and I'd just been around it my whole life. Um, I think I viewed holiness um as this call on people who had like ministries, so like pastors, preachers, evangelists, like those sorts of people had like maybe a call to holiness, but holiness to me felt like this white, stale, blank canvas, if that makes sense. So like it it feels very um stale, like almost like the the the original view I had of heaven growing up was like this view of this almost like white hospital room with fluorescent lighting. Like only I it wasn't a hospital room, there was no tile, it was just like this white space, everybody was wearing white, everything was white. It was like I pictured just this bright space um where like you're just like singing songs and it's too bright. And like there's like really no color except for maybe like a little bit of gold and like glowy stuff, but it it just felt very ethereal and empty, and it honestly scared me. I remember feeling like I don't want to die when I was a kid, even whenever I was like, you know, it wasn't like, oh, I don't want to go to hell. I was like, I don't want to go to heaven, like this sounds absolutely terrible. Um, and I think I just grew up with that. I don't know, yeah, I don't even know where that view of heaven came from. And I do feel like I have since becoming a Christian and then Valor dying and me like really diving into wanting to know more about heaven and more about God and more about like what what is that gonna be like? I feel like I have a more robust view of that, thankfully. Like it's been redeemed. My view of heaven, um, I absolutely can't wait to get there. Like I think about it all the time when you have a child that lives there. You I mean, you feel like you have one foot out the door, basically. And you, I mean, I truly like I cannot wait to be with him. Um, I can't wait to be with Jesus. I can't wait to meet him face to face. Um, I can't wait to meet my creator. And I also know that like everything on this earth is like a foreshadow and just like a dimly lit reflection of what's to come. It's just like an echo of the real thing. So, whatever it is, like the most beautiful sights I've ever seen here, the most um intense like positive emotions and joy or love or um any of the things that we experience like of God's grace here. Um, and I've seen a lot of the world. I've been to um the top of the mountains in Ure, Colorado. I've been to the shores of Hawaii, I've been to Jerusalem, I've been to Paris, we've been to, I mean, we our work has taken us so many places. We've shot weddings all around the world. Um, we've seen really, really beautiful things, and all of that pales in comparison to what heaven will actually be like. And thankfully, the Lord has redeemed and restored and given me just this inkling and this craving for heaven that I do now. I long to be there. But I think my view of like holiness is similar to what my previous view of heaven was. It was like holiness was this white, like prude, um, goody two shoes, buttoned up, like very like clean and stale way of living that it truly felt like to be called to holiness um was like reserved for, and I didn't really want to partake in it because it was like, okay, that's for priests, those are people, you know, people who feel called to that kind of like really radical life of holiness. Like that's the call on their life. But for me, like I, you know, once I became a Christian, it's just like the Lord just continues refining you and opening your eyes to like more and more of like the truth. And I think things you just like didn't even think about to to think about. And this was one of them. Um, and so as we've been studying and as I've been like contemplating and mulling over the things that I'm learning about holiness, I've just been, I just feel like I have this more radically changed and exciting view of it. Um, I I touched on it, like I said, like in the last episode at the very end, like, and I titled the episode like a not so boring call to holiness. And it was a, you know, I explained the definition to be holy is to be set apart and um consecrated for God's purposes. And I feel like the Lord throughout the last week has given me this really beautiful picture about what that actually looks like and how the call is not just on um spiritually elite people like pastors or whatever. It's on every, it's on every believer's life, but it's not in the way that I think you could tend to think of it, like where you're like, okay, it's a list of don't do this, like don't drink, don't cuss, don't um wear revealing clothing, don't uh, you know, fall into temptation, don't do this, don't do that, don't do this, don't do that. And it just feels like like the list of knots. And if you can just like not do all the bad things, then like that person, you know, then you'll be holy or something. And it it's really a tainted version of what it is in my mind, and that's really like just legalism, which is not holiness at all. Um and I I I I gave I got this picture this week of like the whole picture. I imagine God going out into a forest of trees, and he looks at one and he says, This one's mine. And he goes up to it and he takes his axe and he cuts it down. And that first cut is the first, like that is the effectual call of the Christian's life. He has now chosen you out of the whole forest of trees to no longer remain a tree. He's taken you, he's cut you down, and he removes you from where you once grew wild, but he's also placed ownership over you, and he did that. His call, his that cut is salvation. Like he cuts you down, but then in your salvation, in every believer's moment of salvation, of coming to Christ, is this call to holiness. But what is holiness? Holiness is like we said, like the cutting of being set apart and being consecrated to his purposes. But how do we become holy? If that if being holy is like basically representing God to like in every area of our lives where like our thoughts, acts, deeds, everything, our work, our um like everything reflects him better and the best. Like that's what we s we are to strive for. Like, what does that actually look like in our lives? And how is it not just a bunch of lists of like do nots and do not do this and do not do that? And how is it not this boring, like white, like, okay, I'm gonna take you and I'm instead of being this beautiful tree out in a forest being wild, I'm gonna make you into a blank sheet of white paper. Like, that's what I want you to be. And that was my view of holiness, and really I feel like my view of it is being refined and becoming more robust. And I have this picture of like the Lord cutting this tree down, and then he knows like his call on your life is to be holy, but you can know more out of your self-reliance and willpower and own strength, like make yourself holy than a tree being cut down in the forest can make itself carved into an ornate, intricate piece of carved wood for you know, a chair or a table or some ornate decoration on a home or something like it can't make itself that the carpenter has to do that work. And so the process of becoming holy is through sanctification. So you have this, you know, the initial cut being your salvation, the call to holiness being on your life, being consecrated for his purposes, but now it's the surrendering to the uh carpenter's hands uh to make you into what his intended purpose uh is for you. And it's not just going to be a tree amongst a bunch of other trees in a forest, it's it's gonna be uh this beautiful crafted um work of art that he himself creates through the means of sanctification. And so like the first the first bit of process, like after you become a Christian, um the first bit is like chopping and stripping things from you. So it's like taking all of these these sin, and these are usually like obvious, like so that's the larger pieces, you know, your bark is stripped, the branches are hacked off, um, which is like obviously that must go. So that's like, you know, excessive drunkenness or sexual immorality or watching pornography or stealing or lying or just like the open rebellion that are clearly destroying the souls, like maybe, you know, that's once you become a Christian, you're like, hey, maybe I shouldn't be doing drugs anymore, or maybe I shouldn't be like lying or stealing or committing crimes or you know, doing all of these things, like and that process when he saves you, like that process, though obvious, like it's obvious those things need to go, obvious like a lot of times that feels very severe, like it feels very abrupt, it feels very violent because that can't remain in your life. But he's like chopping these big things off. And sometimes, like by the grace of God, those things come off easily. Like sometimes those sins and those things that you struggle with, it's like such a radical transformation that like you just don't struggle with that anymore, or whatever. But sometimes it is painful, it is so painful, and sometimes you like have you like wrestle with him on it, and it's like a stubborn piece that like will not come off. Um, but those that's it's him doing the work. He promises he will complete the good work that he started in. So he's he's cutting it down and those, you know, abrupt, violent prunings basically, of like taking all of this stuff away. Um but then there's also like this period like in carpentry, like he cuts the tree down, he hacks off all of this stuff, and then there's there comes a season where you maybe have to be dried out because freshly cut wood is not re yet ready to bear weight, like it's not ready to become a specific thing yet. You have to dry it, and so you go through seasons of wilderness or drought, and he it feels like he's he's taken everything from you and you but uh it it's serving a purpose. He is um like because even after salvation, even after like this change starts to radically happen, like we still we carry this instability in us, like immature loves and old reflexes and deep fears and um impulses and unhealed reactions and patterns of self-protection and attachments to comfort or control or approval um or self. And he drives us through these seasons where we're like, where like my life is not getting better. I thought you were gonna make me beautiful, and it seems like you've just abandoned me to just like dry out in a desert by myself, and it feels very lonesome, and um it can feel hidden, like you are in this season that you are being like n no one knows about the pain, or like you question if God knows about the pain, or maybe he calls you to be hidden. Um, I know that I went through that a lot after my like through different seasons where I felt like the Lord was calling me away to him and like to to share less of my my life and and to not um be on social media as much or or seek some kind of you know like platform or or to do anything with it. Um and it feels very barren, like you don't feel like you are producing anything or doing anything, and honestly, like I'm in a season like that right now, which is why when I was having this epiphany of like this carpentry and this work and this like call to holiness, and I was like I drew these I told I've told you guys I'm such a word picture person that I feel like if God gives me like word pictures and like these metaphors to work with, I understand what it is he's doing so much more. And maybe this is completely like off, I don't know. Like I feel like I'm just processing this out loud, and I'm sure there's like a million ways that every single metaphor I'll end up using in this like breaks down. I know that eventually every metaphor breaks down when you're comparing anything to like God. Um, but this this is really helping me understand. And so I I'm I'm seeing that that drying is that period of drying and drought um is a mercy from him, and uh he's removing what uh uh makes me unstable and teaching me not to be governed by impulses or um and he's weakening the rule of my flesh that it has over me and weaning me from self-sufficiency and um but he's also m uh making me able to uh hold shape under pressure. Like there's a purpose for this. It's endurance, it's uh it's uh producing character and preservation um or perseverance and um but it's not a wasted season. But I've I've been through this season for a very long time, I feel like, and so um but I I just loved picturing that. But there's also once it's dried, um, there's there's more processes of um of abrasion. And you know, I I picture the carpenter, you know, sanding the sanding the wood down to to make it smoother. Um but there's different like in construction, like there's different grits of sanding, like there's like really coarse sanding, and then you have like a medium, and then you have a fine grit. And like the first parts of that like start this is happening to me currently, so I feel like I'm being dried out and I'm being sanded at the same time. Um but like those sins are maybe like the m the less uh obvious ones, like less than like the you know, going and doing drugs and stealing and lying and you know, like excessive drinking and drunkenness and like all of those, those are really obvious. Those are like the big hacks that he does. And then the coarse sanding is like, you know, the the greed and the gossip and the poor stewardship of money and manipulation and fear of man and pride dressed up as discernment or self-indulgence or reactionary living. Um like they appear smaller than the earlier sins, but they're still rough places um in what he is uh forming in you. And so they're still unfit and they have to be removed, and this you know, the and that hurts, it's abrasive and it's coarse. Um and then once it's like then it gets finer, and then it's like then God begins dealing with like uh not only the behaviors and reactions, but uh like motives. Like, why did you say that? Why do you want that? Why do you need to be seen? Why do you fear being overlooked? Why do you need control? Why does your heart rise or fall on human response? Like at this stage, like mixed, like all of this, it's all it all kind of just begins to surface. And it he's like exposing these things in your heart. And it's like now he's going deeper into like the motivation. Like, and I'm I'm feeling so much of this in like what we're um like we're currently in our growth groups, like going over like idols and like laying down, like figuring out like what idols we're struggling with. And that this has been so helpful for me because I feel like when we got to this section, I could see so many that I have, but I could see so many that I used to have not that long ago, too. And like the Lord has sovereignly and mercifully taken them from me, and I was able to see like how he's working in me, and I can like I could truly see like how far he's brought me. Like it was just just this great exercise of like being able to see how much work the Lord has truly done. Because I think we forget, like we just I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm never I'm never gonna be who I want to be. Like I'm never gonna be that cre the creation that the Lord wants of me. Like I'll never get there. And you know, he was so faithful through this process to remind me in this way of like, yes, you have things you still have to lay down and you're learning how to lay down, but like, look how far I've brought you. Like, look how far I've brought you from um like your love of money and your your need for success and approval of man and fear of man and like all of these things, like look how far I've brought you from where you used to be. And I still have a lot of areas that need tending to and idols that I have to lay down, but I'm like I'm also seeing how like because I was able to look and see and do that comparison of like, oh my gosh, how much has he like taken? Like he's already removed these idols from me. Like, I was able to look at the list that I still have and able to be like, wow. I I thought when I was giving those things up that it was like literally gonna be the end of the world and it was gonna be like only loss. It was gonna be like, okay, I'm laying this down and there's nothing in replace, but that's like the enemy, that's the the lie. But what God gives us instead of the things that we lay down are always so like it the multiplication he does with our little bit of faithfulness, you know. I just see like giving up alcohol this year has been when we stopped drinking in on uh on New Year's this year, and I haven't had a a drop since, like I was so like not looking forward to that, and I was angry, and there have been times, and I still have days like where I crave it, and not in a sense where I'm like I have to have vodka, give me like not that, thankfully. Um, but where I'm like, man, I just I just want a martini. Like, is that so bad? Like, can I just why like it's not a sin? Like I can have a martini and like enjoy an evening with my husband or like have a glass of wine, like it's not a sin, but I look at what God, because of having such a long period of disobedience and overuse and having it as an idol in my life and looking to it to provide comfort or stress relief or um a feeling of escapism from the hard in my life, like I look at the little bit like what is it, April. So I've been sober three months total. Um, like the little bit of three months being sober compared to like the, you know, however many, like when did we start drinking? Probably in 2015, like heavily 2015 or 2016. And I just look at what he's done in three months compared to what like 10 years of heavy reliance on a substance to function, not um, you know, and I just I'm so amazed that he like what he gives to you in the freedom in what you give up, like I would probably not even be having this realization or even be look like I don't think I would have the clarity of mind if I was still, even if it was just like once a week having a bottle of wine with justice, like around the fire, or because it wasn't just like the once, it was like where my heart turned to, or what I looked forward to, or what I spent my time thinking about, like in all of these instances, like I can't wait till Friday, I can't wait till you know, I can just have, but instead, like the way that he has just multiplied our tiny morsels of faithfulness into refining us and giving us more ability to become more holy, and we're answering the call on our life, like to be holy, and it invigorates my soul because I feel like even though I'm doing it imperfectly and even though I'm failing while I'm doing it, like he is making me holy, and I am becoming more and more. It's not like like the finer the sanding gets, like the deeper the work gets, and it's like not just even sins, it's like residues and not just idols, but root systems under them, and and cutting out rot, and it's not just like rebellion, but disordered loves, and he's he's working all of this out in me, and I'm like, it's so painful, and it's so like and I knew I was going through this for a purpose, and we like came here and I was like, okay, my um, you know, this is you know, my journey of becoming a woman of valor, and like um, and woman of valor, like a quick I've talked about it before in other episodes. Like, it's I want to answer this call in my life, like I want to be bold for Christ. I want to be who he's made me to be. I want to be this beautiful creature, this beautiful creation that like reflects him. But I didn't even realize like my actual heart's desire through this, like to be, you know, a woman of valor, to be made in the likeness of his image and better, a better representation of God here. It's like what I actually am going through is like a process of becoming holy, which I think just didn't make sense to my like I didn't know that that was what I was after. Like again, it was like my view of heaven where it was just like holiness was reserved for really amazing good moral people. And I knew that like we were set apart and I knew those, but I just didn't have like I don't think the gravity of like the call to holiness in my life like had grabbed hold or had like even made an impact like to where I I was after it, where it would like I would crave and want to become holy. Um because again, it's like holiness has so much in my growing up in the Christian like has just been equated with like legalism, like it just sounds like legalism, like so uh but and I've seen in the Christian sort, like everybody, there's freedom in Christ, like you can do this, you can do that, like there's freedom in Christ, there's freedom in Christ. Like that's always been like my also my excuse for a lot of the things that I kept doing. And while that's totally true, like there is freedom in Christ, and we're not bound to the law, and we're not bound to like we're not trying to be these perfect, upright moral people for the sake of earning some kind of badge of holiness that will then get us into heaven. It's like, no, we are we get to be free, and therefore, like what grace like that should motivate us to surrender and be exactly who it is he calls us to be and he he wants us to be. And holiness is like a call to bear his image well, it's not a call to become less fully yourself, it's a call to finally become what you were made to be. God is not creating a room full of blank can canvases or white sheets of paper. He's an artist, a craftsman, an author. He is making vessels, frames, tables, doors, sculptures, instruments of mercy. He's shaping distinct lives that each bear the mark of his hand. And that is so incredibly profoundly transforming my life and my vision of holiness and becoming who he's created me to be. Like it's not erasing my personhood or turning me into a nun. It's purifying my personhood. He's ordering my personhood, he's strengthening me, and he's making me more fully aligned with heaven. And this call like is not gonna look identical in expression for every believer because we're all unique, and it's it's gonna be it's gonna look different for every person and his expression of his holy like we're all called to holiness, but like our sanctification journey, and what he's going back to that carpenter like metaphor, he's making us into different things, he's not making us all into chairs, like he's not making us all into the same thing, like he's creating different like ways, but we're like he's doing the work in us and through us, but it's like painful and hard, and also deeply like it's it's it just touches every area of your life. It gets down like the it goes from these large, obvious chops that are painful to this abrasive sandpaper, and then you know, this finer sandpaper, and then this finer, and it's he's but he's like perfecting us. Um, and I think one of the biggest epiphanies that I've had in this is that like it's really easy for me to understand and want and crave and long for glory, right? This is the human, like we all want glory. Like we we want we want to be known, we want to be seen, we want to be adored, we want to be, we want to find out what we were made for and do it. Like, I think that's why we all walk around searching for like purpose and like wondering like what it is we're supposed to be doing in this life. Like, we all wish that we just were like given, like you're supposed to be this, and we all want it to be great. Nobody wants to be the, you know, the janitor. Nobody wants to be like, I made you to be the janitor. You know, we all we all want the glorious position, and we all want the um the applause and the praise and and I mean even quiet personalities, I think if we're like really honest, like I mean, not everyone wants a stage, not everyone, like some people think about that and probably makes you sick, but like even the quiet ones who you know don't necessarily like crave like a public eye, like still want that feeling of being seen and known and applauded, and like you've done a job well done and you you like hold this glory, you know, like you're this glorious thing. Um and I think what I didn't realize was that like while it's so easy to want glory, and it's interesting because the Bible promises us glory, like it says that the glory will be revealed in us at the end. Like when we die, there it comes a time where glory will be revealed in us. Like, not we get to yes, share in the glory of God, and we get to stand in his presence and in his glory and share in the glory of Christ, but there's a certain amount of that, like we will share in that glory, that glory will belong to us in a sense, we will be like revealed as God's image bearers, and I mean we can't even comprehend what it is that we're being prepared for, but we're promised that we will obtain and hold glory. But the road to glory is holiness, is to become holy, like that is the road to glory, and I think that's why like we I mean you see people who have glory now, like think about like famous people, actors, actresses, like the you know, anybody famous, artist. Um, and most of the time, like if this person has not gone down the road of becoming holy, glory will crush a human because glory has weight, and we were not meant to bear that weight in our human forms. Like we are, we can only bear it in this life well, if we are first holy, because it's it's like that, the it's like a beam, you know, of what, like, can it bear the weight? Has it been, has the rot been removed? Has it been dried? Has it been, you know, has it gone through this this process to become sturdy and strong and able to bear the weight of glory? And I think that's like one of the biggest things because glory will feed pride, it feeds lust, it feeds insecurity and greed. Like, if the soul is hollow, glory doesn't fill it. It amplifies the emptiness, and you can walk around and you can have a lot of people who look really shiny on the outside. And, you know, but you we've seen, we've seen it in trial, you know, these stars who go through this, you know, these life crises and this public eye, and it's like, you know, they have it, it's just it's just a proof that's like you can be given all all the glory in the world, and you're not gonna be able to bear the weight of it if you are not first made holy. And I don't believe we were made to carry glory in this life. We were made we were made to give glory to our Creator. So that's the only time we can handle touching glory in this life. We will have glory in the next life because we will be purified and able to bear the weight of glory. And but in this life, if we get near it or we get but we haven't been purified, we haven't been holy, we haven't been made holy, we haven't pursued holiness, we haven't gone down the road of sanctification and dying of self and being made holy, we we can we can get close to it, we can touch it, we can, you know, it can and it will infect us. It it's like it's bondage and it's distorted, and it it's it's not good. It is uh only a life that's been chopped, stripped, dried, sanded, strengthened, and shaped by the hand of God can safely bear greater weight without collapsing under it. And holiness isn't it's so holiness is not keeping us from something good, it's his mercy preparing us to not be destroyed by what we think we want in this life, which is, you know, glory. Like we we want that. Um God and God doesn't prepare us for glory by first making us shine and being like, look, you know, you can just shine without being made holy first. No, he prepares us by making us first sound. So this has been such a revelation, I feel like, to me, because I feel like I have stopped my view of like the pursuit of holiness or becoming holy to, you know, make me into a white sheet of paper, and instead it's like, no, like the Lord is crafting and carving, and maybe he's making me into a white canvas, but that's because he's, you know, painting the Mona Lisa on it, or like the most beautiful painting hanging in the Louvre, like if you can picture that, like that's what he's calling me to. I'm not meant to just stay a tree in a forest of trees. Like he's like, no, I have I have plans for your life, and I want to do something with your life, and I want to display my glory on you and in you and through you, but you have to go through this process of becoming a new thing. You have to be, you have to surrender to the painful process of the carpenter's hands as he as he. But the the key is he, as he makes you holy, as he does his work and makes you into the thing. Like it's doesn't rest on our own strength. We don't have to be like, okay, I'm gonna try like a a tree can't be cut down and it's just gonna be like, I'm gonna try really hard to I'm gonna try really hard to be a blank canvas with a painting on it. Or I'm gonna be a real I'm gonna be I'm gonna try really, really hard to be a chair. I'm gonna look like a chair, I'm gonna bend my branches, and I'm just gonna look like a chair. Here, I can bear the weight of glory. Here, Lord, you can sit on it.

unknown 39:59

Like, no.

SPEAKER_00 40:00

That's not that's not what it's not what it is. It's like it's his work through us, through sanctification, and it's so it's a beautiful thing, like, that I feel like I've changed my perspective on, and he's given me this um like hunger and longing for it now. And I also think it's like the glory come is not merely something external added onto us at the end. That's something else. It's like in Romans, it talks about the glory being revealed, and at the end, like he's not simply waiting until death and then snapping his fingers and making us into something entirely unrelated to what he was doing here. He begins now in sanctification, in obedience, through suffering, in surrender, uh in the hidden life. He begins shaping now what he will one day unveil. But that means like our suffering isn't meaningless. It it's a tool in his hands, and you know, our sufferings and the trials that we go through are what drives us and strengthens us, and it loosens our grips on lesser glories, and it teaches endurance and deepens our dependence on him and forms this Christ-likeness in us. So when future glory is revealed, it's not random and it's not disconnected from the hidden work of holiness God has been doing here all along. The master is unveiling what he has been making in secret in the end. And I think it's when his work is finished, like all of this has been in preparation. And when his work is finished, and as he's working in us here, like it's not the wood that gets the glory. Like nobody looks at a beautiful carved thing, you know, sculpture, chair, table, whatever, and then like just gives glory to that thing. It's no, it's to the maker, to the carpenter, to the artist. And that's like what he's doing with us. And like the holier we are, the more we reflect his image to the world. And that's a huge like indescribable calling on each of our lives. And it means we get to do it wherever he has us, like any place that he has you, whether you're a stay-at-home mom or a janitor or a or a carpenter or a you know, a stay-at-home dad or an accountant or um just any of the things, like vocationally or whatever, like all these layers of our lives, like where you are in church, where you are in your neighborhood, where you are in, you know, locationally or like anything, like we can answer the call to holiness and we can bear his image what like we're in obedience, we bear his image well, and and in doing so we become more fully who he's created to be, like for what he's created us for, like what his purpose has always been for us. And I hope that has I hope that's encouraging to somebody because going through this study um in holiness has really it's just it's just changed my I feel like my walk right now, like where I have I'm I'm reinvigorated to pursue this in even my day my day-to-day life, like with my kids and the way that I respond. Like every time I'm dealing with an annoyance or something bad happens, or I look back at all of the hardship and struggle we've dealt with while we Been here, like the last episode I shared, like both my kids, you know, basically trying to die in one day, and like feeling like, what is going on? What is this? And like just seeing like all the reactions that brought out of me, injustice, and like the way we went to bed angry, and you know, it's just like but again, it's like all of these, it's like these sandpaper moments where it's like there's still there's these impurities in us, it's not just enough to be saved, it's not just enough to be chopped down and said, Okay, you're mine. It's like he's not gonna leave a chopped down tree like in the middle of the forest, leaving it for no purpose. Like, okay, I chopped you down. Have fun staying the same, just not standing up. It's like, no, he he's taken us through this, you know, he's drug us out, like literally out of our location. He's drug us out of the forest that we once grew in wildly and free, or supposedly free, but really we're like bound by the root system and the location of where we were, even though, you know, we you think you're free, but you're stuck. But he chopped us down and said, No, no, no, I'm making you into something, like I'm gonna craft you. I'm gonna take what's in my mind, the the artist's mind, and I'm making you into something that has purpose and beauty, and and will bear be able to bear the weight of glory and be able to reflect my glory more perfectly in this life and then reveal the glory in the next. So I hope that that is encouraging to someone out there, and I hope that I have explained this eloquently enough. Uh, because I again I'm like learning all of this as I go, and I I feel like the Lord is refining me and sharpening my mind in some areas, but also learning how to relay that information that's in my head um out here in a mic. Um also knowing I'm not a teacher, I'm not a preacher, I haven't studied, you know, I'm having gone to seminary, I'm like, oh, I hope I get this right, but um, where I haven't, I pray that the Lord just gives me grace. And um, so yeah, that's that's that. And then one of the updates for our personal life is we saw a home that had seven acres when when did we go see it? We saw it last week. Today is Thursday. No, we saw it, saw it this week. We went on Tuesday, so two days ago we saw it. Um, and I had really, I had really um high hopes. I mean, not really high hopes, but just it had seven acres. It was like 2,400 square feet, so small, but I was thinking, okay, it didn't have any pictures of the inside of the house, and it was also a new build, so I was thinking, okay, but we can always add character. I don't love new builds. Um, but I was thinking, okay, we can add things, we can maybe renovate, we can, you know, we've done renovations our whole marriage and um my whole life growing up. My dad was a contractor and carpenter and um has done all things construction my whole life. So I am not afraid of that stuff. I love it, I love design. Anybody who knows me knows that that is something that I enjoy. And um, and so yeah, we went out there with just open minds, open hearts, and hoping that we were like, could God really like could this be the time? Like, could we already be looking at the place? Because it was only listed for 449,000, which that is very low considering it had seven acres and a house and like a barn, um, like a small like stable thing. There was two horses, a cow, some chickens, um, a chicken coop. It was really cool. Um, honestly, the land was amazing, but the house was not what we had hoped. Like the layout was wonky and didn't honestly have enough room. Like, we didn't have anywhere that could be an office or um like just separate area. There's no there was no space for a playroom or anywhere separate for the kids, or um, and currently like our kids can have their own rooms here, which isn't necessary. I'm all for kids sharing rooms, but it was just not it wasn't it just didn't seem like the the with the price point and then the fact that we would have to immediately put a lot into it to like somehow add on and update and there was just too much, there was not a way to make it work, and so and plus we don't even know if we could get approved for a mortgage right now, just um to be completely transparent and honest. I don't know how that would even happen, just since the last uh couple years have just been really, really rough uh uh financially, and um we're building ourselves up here so I can have the down payment all I want, but that doesn't mean that somebody's going to approve us for a mortgage, and um so we're not sure what the Lord's timing is gonna be on a home, but we are don't want to rush the process and we're trusting in his provision and know that when the time is right, he will provide a way, like there will just be a way, and it probably will that's I think that's why I went to go see it anyways, because I was like, God can do anything, you know, it's not he's not dependent on my like tax return to, you know, he's like, Well, I really wanted to display my power in you, but um your tax return prevented me. It's like no, he his power is made perfect in our weakness, and um he uses foolish things to shame the wise. So I know that at the right time, the right property, the right land, the right, you know, the right home will come up. It was very fun to dream, but you know, we're just still waiting on God's timing, and I feel like strategically and specifically, he's keeping us right next door to Linda Cross because I'm going through this process of learning and like being close to her. And it's convenient. I can just walk across the yard and go to her house. And so as much as I would like land and more of a flat surface to not have to hike up a mountain, um you know, his timing is is gonna be the best timing. Um but I would love a prayer for just our hearts in the process and for me to be content and patient and um and to also not stop believing that God will someday do that for our family. Um there's some times where I get really down and start thinking, you know, that's probably he's probably not gonna give us that's probably the lesson here is like he wants us to be sojourners forever and never have permanence, and that's okay, because that'll just be our cross to bear and he will work out his, you know, that'll be a sanct and he could do that. Like that's the thing, is like knowing the Lord and the way that he sanctifies us. Like, if I have a dream I'm holding tightly, a lot of times it's like, no, I'm not gonna allow like the dream is the idol, you know, even though a home is a good thing, I don't want to make it an idol, and so I'm constantly like reining my heart back in, being like, you do not have to have that to find contentment. You don't have to have a home that's permanent to have peace. You don't have to have a home with land to have joy, you don't have to have a home that's yours that you have decorated and you know, to your liking and that you've designed and that feels like a reflection of you to have peace with your children and disciple them. Like you don't have to have that to do these things that the Lord is still calling you to do. Do I sometimes think it would be easier when I'm like, you know, this is really frustrating. This is four levels, I'm tired of these stairs, I'm tired of, you know, how hard it is to get upstairs with the babies. I'm tired of, you know, like it's just, yes, it is hard, but we knew this was gonna be hard going into it, and um, the Lord is using this as sandpaper in our walk with him and sanctifying us and making us holy. And that is encouraging to know it's not for nothing, and that I don't have to wait for the moment that I get a house to start pursuing holiness. I can pursue it now and here, and perhaps that's part of the challenge. Perhaps he's like, you know what? I want to give you the home that you so desire. I want to answer that, like, I want to answer that cry of your heart, but you cannot bear the weight of its glory. I have to dry you out, make you firm and strong, and make you holy so you can bear the weight of having a home again and it not becoming part of your identity, not becoming, you know, the source of your joy and the reason for your existence. So that is what I'm learning. Thank you for listening to The Dawn of Valor. I'm just a wife and mom toiling in life's garden out loud in real time. This podcast is self-produced, and your support helps me keep writing, creating, and showing up in the way God has called me to. If you'd like to support, you can join me as a paid subscriber on Substack, where I share deeper reflections, personal writings, and QA's. Or you can give a one-time gift through buy me a coffee. Both links are in the show notes. Whether you support there or simply listen, it means more than you could ever know. For his glory and my valor, I'll see you next time.