Episode #17 - Manish Shetty

Manish takes time away from his dad duties to chat with Siddhant & Lalitha, reliving stories of childhood travel, reflecting on parenthood, and reiterating the need for a wealth that is community.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Today we have Manish Eddy. Manish Uncle grew up all over India and he's been married to Zuhanianti for twenty-two years with two kids. Neil and Krish. Welcome, Manish Uncle. How are you doing today? Hey, good. Thanks for having me.

SPEAKER_01 0:20

Thanks for being here, Manish. We're just so glad you're here. Oh, I don't know what to say. Sorry.

SPEAKER_00 0:31

It's okay. Awesome. Well, let's get let's get started with your childhood. So I know when we were talking earlier, you moved around a lot in India growing up. Tell us more about that experience of moving around, being being exposed to all the different cultures and elements of India. What impact did that have on you?

SPEAKER_03 0:49

Sure. So my dad was uh he worked at a central bank called Rujai Bank. And you know, usually when people work in banks, they are rotated every three to five years, right, in India. And due to which he used to always keep uh getting transferred. So we would I would be at a school, and you know, in five years I would be at a next school in a totally different state. Uh and India is a country with tons of languages and cultures. And though we all from outside think it as one country, each state is almost like its own country. The language is different. Uh, so I had to learn different languages as I grew up too. So uh I remember um I was born in Bangalore, but at that time he was in uh Raorkela, Orissa. So I was with him after that. Uh, so it was always fun then. We moved back to Bangalore, uh, then we went to Assam, which is in the northeast part of the country, came back to Mysore. Uh, that's where I did most of my uh education, you could say, from ninth grade all the way to engineering. And um just traveling all over India put me in a place where I had to absorb the culture, had to connect with new people, had to learn different languages. Uh, but it didn't I I say I had to, but it just came naturally and it was a pleasure actually to do all these things. It was a good opportunity to learn so much about the different cultures and uh from different parts of India, which was so different. I mean, you can visit places, but when you when you live somewhere, you truly imbibe uh what the culture is about.

SPEAKER_01 2:27

And I think they do say, like, you know, the north of India, like you said, Orissa Asam, is pretty different from the South Indian traditions and uh languages. So it would have been hard to learn because I know when we moved from Bangalore to Bombay, I had to learn Marathi for one year. Yeah, and that was really hard for me. So, how did you manage learning all these languages and then switching to another one every few years?

SPEAKER_03 2:54

Well, I managed to scrape through in my grades and pass somehow. Uh, but I did learn Assamese, uh, and this was with scripts and poetry and everything. Uh, and then when I came back to Mysore, since we speak Tulu at home, uh, Kannada was a new language too. So I had to learn everything from scratch, including from the uh letters and you know, reading and writing and everything, and pass some exams. But uh it's easy when you have friends are uh, I guess any language, if you have a need for it, if you're immersed in that um area, it's easier to pick up. I've been to Mexico a lot, and you know, even though I don't know Spanish and I attempt to uh say a few words, and then you know, sometimes it's funny. Uh I say something and people assume I know it, and boom, the whole sentence pops out, and I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, I have to pull back my uh ripcord and my parachute and say uh no habla espanal and go from there. Um so similarly, but here since we lived for a few years uh in each place, and I was young, you know, easier to retain things then. It was it was not too bad, and it was fun actually to uh learn these different languages. And of course, don't ask me anything now because I've forgotten everything.

SPEAKER_01 4:08

Yeah, so they do say languages help you become a better, better mathematician. So are you a great mathematician?

SPEAKER_03 4:15

Well, thank I don't know. I think I'm good with numbers based on what I do.

SPEAKER_01 4:20

That's where it came from.

SPEAKER_03 4:21

Maybe that's where it came from. You're right.

SPEAKER_00 4:23

Yeah, we won't test any mental math today for testing, okay? Um but I'm also curious, like in terms of like you almost have a cosmopolitan Indian experience, right? Um, so curious. I mean, obviously you grew up in a bunt household, but were there any other like I mean you grew up, you went to the Northeast, you were down south, you were everywhere. So were there any other like traditions or cultures that um you felt like specifically had an impact on you growing up, or um that you really like sort of just naturally grew towards? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:56

I mean, there were a lot of balt uh bunt uh cultures and traditions we followed at home. So no matter where we were, there were some standards. Food, of course, was the most common. Um we used to have nido saroti, the common things, basale, etichatni, all kinds of uh goodies. Uh in the and then that used to be everywhere we went. So, in a way, even though we were I was away from Mangalore or Karnataka, um, a lot of um the food and traditions were carried over at home. Uh I used to also spend a lot of summers uh with my grandfather in Mangalore, uh, so about two or three months, where I would meet my cousins, uh, and there I had even more uh band exposure, right? There would be people coming home with a big basket of fish every day to kind of sell different kinds of fish, and you get to pick and choose what you want, and you buy it there. Um, there's different kinds of food. There was the, you know, there's something called an adia, which is like a vermicelli made of rice. But the difference was you would make those uh big, huge balls, and you had to squeeze it in a screw kind of machine to make it come out as a round uh vermicelli kind of setting in the bottom. And uh you had to do it when it is hot, otherwise, it was very hard to turn those uh machines to squeeze out uh this dough of rice. So uh that was another interesting experience. Uh good gym workout there.

SPEAKER_00 6:22

Yeah, I don't remember that because like my grandmother, I felt like especially when I was visiting the summers, Karthik was the one holding down the machine. Yes, and I was the one twisting it. And uh I think that was the only time my grandmother ever made me do physical labor. Um, because it felt like she she like fed us to the point of exhaustion, and then she was like, Oh, let's do some little exercise here. Um never got it out, but that's funny.

SPEAKER_03 6:46

It's definitely a two-person job for sure. Somebody had to hold it and you had to put a lot of pressure to turn it to to squeeze out the dough, so that made sense. The other thing I remember is uh we had a bathroom there with a huge copper pot, and that's where the hot water would be. And the way it worked was the uh you it was heated by uh wood, but from the outside. So you'd put some wood in and that would heat up the water, and that's the water you would use when you take a well, there's no shower when you had a uh bucket and you you know poured it out, and you you uh that's how you adjusted the temperature somehow. But uh what I remember the most about it was the smell, the smell of water somehow was very different with all that smoke, or maybe it's the copper um, you know, Hundi or something with where it got heated. Uh it was a very uh relaxing experience, a very different bath than if you just got it out of the tap somewhere.

SPEAKER_01 7:38

Yeah, I remember that too. In ours, in my grandmother's house, we had two of those. So one was supposed to be the water that got heated from the outside, and one was supposed to be the cold water, so we would mix the water and try to get it to the best temperature. And you're right, that's smoke. Sometimes whoever did it didn't do it right, and the smoke would come into the bathroom, so our eyes would be watering, but it had its own special feeling having a bath there. I remember loving going on for our holidays and having that. Uh, but Manish, I had a question. So some of those memories are a lot, you know, that spoke to your the bunt in you. And as we tell our listeners, uh the bunts are a community in South Canada. But you also said you traveled. Did you see any similarities between cultural uh behaviors in the north versus our traditions and cultures? Or were you too young?

SPEAKER_03 8:38

Yeah, I was a little young, but uh I was also old enough. I was there till about um I would say eighth grade, so not too young, I would say. Uh foods was the common thing, right? It was so amazing to see that each area had its own unique uh kind of food. So in Assam, they have a lot of um uh uh rasagulas and stuff. I mean, we think it's only from West Bengal, but there's a huge uh Rasgula thing over there, um, and other uh foods. So the food piece seemed common, like okay, different areas have different foods, just like we have our own unique kind of foods. Some of the other um festivals celebrated were similar. So they also had a harvest fest kind of thing where they would um actually have bonfires and stuff like that. Not exactly what we do, but we have some version of it, uh, you know, and maybe our cola is a little different, but still there's something to do with fire where it was something similar. Uh traditional things we did um um seemed similar, like you know, you do the Arati and all that's you know universal all over India.

SPEAKER_01 9:40

Some little forms of spiritualism, religion religion was similar, I guess. Spirituality.

SPEAKER_03 9:47

And you know, you go to the temples there, you see the same Devi and others in a different format, but it would be the same Devi. And some of these um bhajans they would sing would be, oh, I know that one kind of deal, right? So there were a lot of connections there which made you feel uh, yeah, we are connected in some way. Uh, maybe some things we do are different, but some of the festivals, the Diwalis and others, all of us celebrate. There were some uh festivals which, like holy and stuff, which are celebrated very much in the north, which we didn't come across in the the Bun tradition, but um we got exposed to. So that was also uh nice.

SPEAKER_00 10:23

Yeah, absolutely. Um, so fast forwarding a few years, going into your teen years and like sort of going into college also. Um, and I know you mentioned that your dad was in banking and then your mom was a teacher who eventually became a homemaker taking care of you and your sister. So talk more about like your impact or the impact of your parents on you and your sister, what they really stressed in terms of like the values they wanted to imbibe um in their children, and um sort of going, you sort of go down the engineering route. So maybe talk more about like that process and how you um eventually went down that route.

SPEAKER_03 10:58

Sure. Uh I think the biggest value my uh parents taught me, especially my father, was hard work, right? He would go to the bank starting at eight and he would come back at six, and it was like every day, and those days they used to even work half a day on Saturdays. Um, so it was amazing how hard um he worked, uh, I felt, and um, that was automatically kind of imbibed into me without forcing it on, but just the fact that hey, hard work is a good thing, it'll get you uh um through anything. And that that was easy for us to uh grasp, and it was not an alien concept because of what they uh showed us when they were working. Um there was also a lot of uh stress on education. So my parents used to um, you know, um encourage us to do other things, uh, not only do the studies but take part in some extracurricular activities. I uh learned to play the guitar in uh Assam from an Assamese teacher. You know, now we play some Assamese folk music through her because that's what she taught me then. Um so they encouraged education not just from a books perspective, though that was also emphasized, uh, but other extracurricular activities wherever possible um was was uh was one thing which really helped me um um go here. They were also good with experimenting. I I remember there was an old room in our house in Assam, and I used to actually melt different candles and put different colors and make my own candles and things like that. So they were always okay with that because you know there's fire and stuff, and they would watch out for it, but they would not uh they would really encourage me to um uh they wouldn't oppose me, let was let's put it that way, which which also helped me um learn more things and um be okay to try different things without worrying about failure too much. So yeah, so that was that. Um from ninth grade onwards, I was in Mysore until I finished my engineering. Uh, I did my engineering in uh mechanical engineering, I was always into machines, uh fixing my Luna when I was traveling all over, it's a small two-wheeler, 50cc, nothing grand, but at that point it was a big deal. Yeah, Harley Davidson back then. Yes, Harley Davidson of India. Um but uh since it was so small and you know um okay, it's simple, you could open it up and you know see how the engine worked, where the spark plugs were, where the uh exhaust system was, the chain was, and stuff like that. So that also uh um helped me get more interested in mechanical engineering, um, which I studied in Mysore as well.

SPEAKER_00 13:36

Yeah, absolutely. And then obviously um you moved around with your family a lot growing up, and I think maybe in college was the first time you lived apart from them. Was that a hard transition? Um, did you like did you sort of were looking forward to it, or were uh were you like, oh no, I'm gonna be away from my parents? Like, what do I do? Um, what did that look like?

SPEAKER_03 13:57

Well, don't tell this to my parents, but yes, I was looking forward to it. That was the age when I just uh moved to uh engineering. I was uh 18 then, so I was like, hey, yeah, I want to do my own thing. So uh it was fun. Uh I was not I didn't stay in a hostel like traditionally, most folks did. It was a totally different experience. I stayed as a payingist with another um Mangurian family, a Christian Mangalurian family. So even though I was away from home, it felt still close to a family uh environment that way. And uh I had a Luna, a two-wheeler, so I could roam around freely. So that was my independence where I could, you know, uh roam around. But uh my parents never were very strict with me, and so it never felt like I could not do certain things. Um, and so that helped me also govern myself. Like, hey, you can do whatever you want. Oh, I better watch out what I'm doing for my own sake, right? Not for the sake of uh what they think or what they want me to do. So that helped me um mature myself um without having to be told what to do, things like that. I felt uh which helped me also.

SPEAKER_01 15:04

Yeah, and I guess being a paying guest, it was nice. You didn't have to cook, you didn't have to clean, you didn't have to wash clothes, everything was done for you. Correct. It's much better than hostile.

SPEAKER_03 15:17

Yeah, that I had to do myself. Yeah. That was not done for me, but yes, everything else. Uh but it did, it was a smooth transition for me, right? From being with my parents everywhere and uh suddenly uh being away from them. They were also in Bangalore at the time, which is hardly a three-hour drive from my source. So it was not a huge um, it just felt that they were there. I didn't visit that often, but uh at least it felt that I could whenever I wanted to. It was not a hindrance.

SPEAKER_00 15:45

Yeah, yeah, not too far away at all, right? It's like it's like when Kartik went to AM, it was now into Trinity, it was not too far, but not too close either, right? Yeah, that's like the perfect mix.

SPEAKER_02 15:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:57

Um, so yeah, like talking about you graduate from college, you got your engineering degree, and then you work in Chennai for a few years with uh the trucking company. Yeah, and foreshadowing a little bit, obviously, you get your master's at AM, but I'm curious, was this like this this time that you were working in Chennai? Were you already looked, were you already you already knew that you were gonna go to the US, or was this a pivotal time in your life that motivated you to attain higher education in the States?

SPEAKER_03 16:23

Yeah, I think the job helped me get out because after my uh bachelor's degree, I was not that keen, or I was not really interested to come here, or it was not one of my to-do things. But I went to work, uh, and I went to work at uh you know Ashokleand, which is the second largest automobile manufacturer, uh trucking manufacturer in India, in Chennai. And um the conditions of work, the culture at work was very different. Obviously, someone fresh from school, uh, it didn't suit me. And so uh I worked there for one and a half years, and after that, I felt, you know what, that actually motivated me to um come here because I I did feel that if I had to work in the same culture, the work was fun. I loved being on the lines where they would assemble all these trucks and things like that and all other uh fun activities, but just the culture of work was very different and very strict and hierarchical and uh things like that. So I felt, you know, if I wanted to do more in this field, uh I had to have a better work culture, and I didn't think I would get it anywhere in India at that time in any manufacturing industry. So that and luckily for me, one of my friends was also um uh there in Ashokle, and he was also trying to come here and preparing for his GRE and stuff to do his master's. So, in a way, I also said, you know what, let me also take a look at it. And both of us actually, it helped that both of us were doing the same thing. So we studied together. And I remember we went to the US consul in Chennai also just to get some tips on you know what we should do and things like that. Uh, and that motivated me to uh come to the US for my uh master's in uh industrial engineering.

SPEAKER_01 18:06

Had you visited the US before, or was this your first time?

SPEAKER_03 18:10

No, it was my first time.

SPEAKER_01 18:13

So was there some kind of apprehension that oh I'm going oh yeah, you know, like you said, my soul was close enough uh to Bangalore to my soul.

SPEAKER_03 18:22

Yeah, absolutely. I mean 10,000 miles away, and uh, you know, well, of course I had not been to the US, but nor had my parents, uh, nor had I met too many people who had, so I uh didn't even know what it would be like. Uh, but there were a lot of uh connections, even at that time. I mean, you didn't have Facebook and things like that, but there was some chat and other forums where you could connect to some seniors who were there. So we were able to connect to some people at AM and ask about you know how are things, anything I should get, what's a must-do thing I should you know do before I come and things like that. So that definitely helped. I mean, the Indian Um uh Students Association and at AM and maybe any university in India is really strong. I remember I uh landed uh at AM and I came out of that small plane because the big planes would come to Houston, and then we had like a almost a 20-seater kind of plane flying from Houston to uh college station. And so the first time you open the door there, and it's like, of course, 100 degrees because it's August and you get into the baking thing. But uh then there were there were seniors who were there to help uh pick us up from the airport, they housed us in their houses for you know one or two days or a week or two until we got things set up and things like that. Uh they also helped with you know how are things, how do things work here? Uh and things. But again, we I went to college station, so it's not a New York City by any means. So it didn't feel that different. In fact, it was a little, hey, where are the big buildings and where is all you know fancy stuff we have uh read about and heard about? Uh so that way it was an easier thing, things were not very far off. I didn't need a car. I remember I had a um small bicycle to get to school. I shared an apartment with four other people who were the poor man's vespa. Yeah, the poor man's vespa. Vespa with exercise, you know. So that is an upgrade or downgrade as you see it.

SPEAKER_01 20:19

But that's nice. That at least that gave you that sense of okay, this is not too different. And you had a friend. Did he also get into AM?

SPEAKER_03 20:28

No, no, he actually went to uh Louisiana State and then he moved to Arizona State University, so he he did a different route. So it was not with my friend, but we made a lot of friends there with the other Indian community. There's a lot of strong community there, so that is good. So a lot of firsts over there uh for me. First time uh, well, I did work in Ashokulalan, but I did work at the AM bakery, so that was my main job at AM. We used to make like Aggie rolls and uh other pizzas and stuff, just a dough to be taken to the dorms and other places where people would eat it. But uh yeah, it worked for me because one, the pay was a little higher than normal, and two, it they had an early morning shit. So you started at 4 a.m. and you you know finished by eight. And so it worked perfect for me because I was an I am an early bird, so it worked out well. I could still go to classes and stuff after I finished working. Um that was good.

SPEAKER_01 21:22

Without sleeping in class or surviving, pushing through some sleeping in class involved, I'm sure.

SPEAKER_03 21:30

And the other thing which is good there was you also had free breakfast. So I was like, yes. So at that point, even those small things were uh big wins. Yes. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:40

So I think that's kind of and from there you got a job at Dell, right?

SPEAKER_03 21:46

Uh yes, actually, it was a campus recruitment kind of thing, but that was 2001, and during the 2000s, there was another slump in the economy. So um a lot of us had job offers. I had one from Dell, but some of my friends had up to Eight offers from different companies. But towards the end, when we were kind of finishing our course and when we went were going to join, a lot of these offers dropped. Um, they just rescinded the offers because the economy was not doing well and they're not hiring. Uh, luckily for me, Dell just delayed that by three months. So it was still a stressful time. But after three months, uh, I was able to join Dell and I moved to Austin after.

SPEAKER_01 22:24

Okay. And I think that's when we met you for the first time, or rather, I met you. And you were this eligible bachelor that everybody wanted to know about. Who's this guy? Wow's head is he good? Is he, you know, whatever. But uh it, you know, and so that brings us to your marriage. Or uh back in the day, there was both people who either chose their own partners or had partners chosen for them by parents. Uh Karpik last time told me I shouldn't say love marriage versus arranged marriage because implies arranged marriage, there is no love. I told him that grows later. So, what your what happened in your case? Did you were did your parents uh choose your bride or uh there romance involved before?

SPEAKER_03 23:14

Uh no, no romance involved before. But uh they did, you know, like traditional parents, they also tried to figure out through other people they knew and stuff, and then uh they they picked uh Suhani for for that, and we met uh very close to our house. And um the first time I came there in India or here in India, in India, but uh I was you know those days we used to hardly be there for two weeks or three weeks, so we met quickly, but then afterwards, uh even though we were away, we were on a long distance relationship, let's call it, but a very costly one because in those days there was no WhatsApp and other things. So every call you had to buy an ATT calling card, dial in, and there's 800 number and this and that, and then finally you got to talk. So uh we oh and you still called her? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:04

That's love, said that.

SPEAKER_03 24:05

Well, the work in the bakery got me some money. I'm taking notes. They're getting to know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that that helped because, in a way, maybe even if we were together, yeah, surely we would have um met and uh talked more face to face. But sometimes the long distance calls were also helpful. You could have long calls and talk about different things, and we did this for almost a year. So we we had different, you know, depending on what was happening in uh each other's lives, we could talk about different things, which helped us uh connect better with each other or understand each other better. Uh so after about a year, I I went back to India and we got married then. Uh we decided to get married, and uh that happened at Bangalore.

SPEAKER_01 24:50

And then you brought her here.

SPEAKER_03 24:52

Had she ever been to the US or uh no, it was her first time, and um, so she came here and um yeah, we stayed in an apartment and stuff. Luckily, we had friends who also had you know recently uh married this way, and um we connected and so they hadn't.

SPEAKER_01 25:10

So you were able to tell her there are no cowboys on the streets of Austin? Yeah, because I know when we first came, I actually looked for cowboys on the streets of Austin from all the Western books we read. But uh yeah, so did what kind of advice did you have for Australian?

SPEAKER_03 25:28

Well, I told her to learn whatever she could and don't take anything just by what you see, experience what you have, try things two or three times before you decide what you want to do. Uh, I advised her to also um um study something. She she she was doing her finance and BSC in in in India, and she was trying to see what else I could do here, what else she could do here, and encouraged that. Um, we met with a lot of other friends because I also wanted, because I was at work, you know, at that time, young and Adele, and we were working crazy hours. So it was important to have uh someone else also um who she knew and was comfortable with, including the Bunt community Ben even outside. Uh, in fact, you know, Laluak and Ashokana were the first two bands I met. In fact, the first time Ashokanda paying me at work uh when I moved to Austin, and he was like, Hey, do you want to meet? I'm like, who is this person? But he was so welcoming and persistent, and uh, you know, it I mean, as a young person, you have enough things to do and things like that. But you know, when somebody's uh calling you and uh asking about you and wanting to see you and stuff, it really felt very welcoming and nice. So uh that's how I uh met Ashok and uh Loka for the first time.

SPEAKER_01 26:47

Honestly, I had forgotten that yes, uh Yanish. So that's good to know that uh we were friendly people.

SPEAKER_03 26:55

Yes, yes. Yes, definitely helped, uh, especially at that time, you know, when you're a bachelor's and you're studying or you're working, you do have a lot of time um in the weekends and other times. And so it's always good to um have someone who you could talk to, ask about things which come later in life. How does this work? How does that work? Um, friends and stuff definitely help you too, but having some bund connection is definitely uh a plus.

SPEAKER_00 27:24

Yeah, absolutely. And then transitioning a few years after marriage, right? Um now you have two boys, Neil and Krish. And I grew up with them. I guess grew up with them, it would be a stretch. Um, but I I do feel like we I got a lot of exposure with Neil, and I always have like good memories because it was Rohan Karthik and I, and like Neil was like I think he's like maybe like eight or nine years younger than me, right? And it was like the three teenagers huddled around like the one like like single digital boy, and it's funny because we used to huddle around him and we just used to quiz his geography, and this guy was amazing. Um, so I just had to put that in there, but anyways, Neil and Chris, obviously two great kids. Um, curious about how you developed your parenting style. Um, you mentioned your parents obviously stretch stress education, but they also gave you the autonomy to experiment, sort of grow into your personality, um, and things like that. So maybe talk a little bit about how you sort of have retained elements of your own personality when it comes to your parenting, but also have sort of uh absorbed through osmosis um your parents' style also.

SPEAKER_03 28:37

Yeah, yeah. I think um even though we feel it's very different, uh finally it comes down to the same thing. We all want what's best for our kids. And the parenting style really you might start somewhere and then you learn, then you see how the kids react to it, and you tweak to make sure it works for both of you. I think that's what's worked for me. Um, the two kids were very different. Neil was very methodical and um not too much into sports, but you know, very much into geography and other things he liked. And Krish is very much into sports, he's like into soccer, and now he's gone and you know done some uh running and stuff. So he's in the school team and this and that. So he's very different that way. He does not like to travel. So uh it's interesting when you have kids, and you know, you assume the same thing will work for both kids, but each one is so different. Um, so from my parents, I mean, just by moving everywhere, even when we were in India, because I used to move almost every four or five years because my bank and my dad was working for Vijaya Bank, and uh any money in the banking thing in India knows that you know you travel a lot, you you're transferred from here, and it's not like one village to the next or something. You're like going all the way north, northeast, south, anywhere in India where they would ask uh you to go. Um, that helped me actually develop um a better confidence about myself, the fact that I could do things in different places, learn different languages uh when I was there and totally different cultures, um, um had some influence on me, which I think I passed on to my kids, and I made sure they could also do whatever they wanted a little bit in that way to have a diverse uh upbringing. And like I said, both my kids are very different, and uh I didn't insist they have to be the same either. And you could make out at certain age they're they are very different and they have different needs. Um, some needed more of uh guidance and things, others were no, we're good. Just let us be. So uh every pair, every kid is different for sure.

SPEAKER_01 30:40

Yeah. So do you and Souhani share parental responsibilities? I know for us I didn't drive, so no matter what we did, we kind of had to, you know, go together for school meetings, things like that. We could always go together. Yeah, things like that we do together, but I would help with some of the homework. Uh as they got older, my math is not as good as Ashok. So he would teach me the math and I would teach them because him teaching them didn't often work. Okay, yeah, it would end in tears. So yeah. Uh, but um what about you guys?

SPEAKER_03 31:17

Very similar here, too. Um things Souhani did well, so I let she she ran with it. There were things I did a little better, and I would do that. She's not comfortable driving them all around, I would drive them all around, but she would do other things which I was not very great at. Um, so it it worked out well that way, right? We we we divided and conquer, we easily found out what what we could give best to our kids, and we are very different people too. Uh so she has taught them what she knows best, and I've tried to do what I do best. And I think finally, there's no, hey, the father has to teach this, the mother has to teach this, or something like that. It's really about what do you have to offer and what do you feel your kid uh needs to make them a well-rounded person, right? Uh it doesn't have to be they have to be your duplicate or clone and do exactly what you did, but how do you support them in what they do? And and even if you look at my kids, they're so different, right? Uh, one is all the way into sports, he's doing everything, the other person is not very much into sports, but then he's into other stuff, and you know, so it's very the the brothers, but they are very different. Uh, and so as parents, you also need to be a little um you gotta have some guardrails, but the guardrails don't have to be very tight, is the way I would uh tell any any parent, any new parent, especially. Uh, and they will, you know, they will grow um as long as you have the common uh values which you strongly believe, and that is what you need to teach them. Everything else um is good, they can do you know whatever they want. Me and Swani both went out into big into sports, and Chris is doing all kinds of things and in soccer, and just now you finish some athletics and stuff like that. So they're very different. Um, and so I'm happy about it. I'm glad that we could we just enclone one kid and say, okay, you follow your brother and do everything they did. Uh and I think some of it is due to the parenting style of yes, as parents, we are always worried about how much do you want to control what your kids do and what they say and what they should be interested in. But at the same time, you also want to step back and let them explore and and and maybe even watch or listen to what they do and figure out what they really are good at. Not necessarily studies or something, but what really interests them, right? Neil was always interested in geography, so I would encourage him to do those things, and we would travel a lot and he would really like it. Chris is not like that, he does not care for travel too much, but he's into sports, very active stuff, he wants to play with his friends all the time. Um, so for parents, I would say help your kid grow to whoever they are. And uh two brothers don't have to be um similar. In fact, yeah, I would almost say most brothers are very alike, uh different. Uh siblings, I would say, are very different.

SPEAKER_01 34:17

True. And I think the way that you've allowed them to explore their interests, it seems like you've explored yours too, because I know you love travel. Uh from the time I've known you, that's something I've always been jealous of at how many trips you take, how many cruises you take, and all that kinds of things. I've also remembered when you came the one time you said you'd bring food and you brought Tanduri chicken, and that was like it's way up there in the list of uh things that I think of when I think of you know food that you bring. So you like cooking, you like traveling, uh, you have a lot of interest. Can you want to talk to us about some of that?

SPEAKER_03 34:57

Uh yeah, sure. I think you hit upon the travel piece, and you know, um, I was in Cincinnati for six years in between all these uh journeys, and that really helped me um uh explore my travel um likeness, let's say, uh, very much because we used to do a lot of road trips. Uh, Cincinnati, Ohio is like in the middle of the country, but you could still go five and a half hours to St. Louis, you could go to Chicago four and a half hours, New York is a bit of a stretch with eight hours, but uh I used to love to drive. So we we went and traveled a lot of places, uh, driving there, spending some time, checking out the journey, the view on the way. So I I do love uh travel. Um, we started going on cruises here after we came back to Austin um, you know, from Galveston because one, it was the easiest to just drive there, dump your car and get on a ship. There's no flight involved. So we we could do a lot more cruises than if you had to combine air trip and then do something else. Uh and we loved, uh I love to travel. Um uh cooking. I used to actually love cooking. I don't overdo it. Uh I like simple cooking, so anything too complicated is bad uh for me. Uh, but I just you know, uh when I like to cook, I cook.

SPEAKER_00 36:13

Uh off late the latest thing I already make was uh I heard you make a really really good hindery chicken, right? And then yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:20

Now I've graduated to Pandikari, which is like a kurgi uh pork dish. Uh but I stick to four or five things I I'm okay at making, and that way uh it's easy. Um and I play a few uh few games here and there. I'm not totally into sports, but not totally out of it either. Uh I play for fun. I used to play golf uh a little bit, but I would not seriously go for it. I would count the my golf scores by the uh number of balls I lost or did not lose. So that was my tracking, not par and supper and all that. So I'm like, okay, I only lost 20 balls this game. Okay, awesome.

SPEAKER_00 36:59

Yeah, it's gonna get the steps on the greens, right? Yes, there you go. Yeah. Um, so anyways, sort of concluding, um, looking back, right? Um, obviously you had a very cosmopol cosmopolitan experience traveling around India, um, sort of coming to the US, and of course, traveling everywhere on boat and ship and train and flights in the in the States, right? Um, but curious if we can distill it to the Bun culture specifically, um, whether it's your time in Mangalore or your time with your parents, or whether it's your time with the uh um the your family or whatever else you want to call it, right? Um curious if there's any specific reflections on the bun community or things that you hold close to your heart, um, sort of apart from food. But yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:48

No, I think uh definitely like most, I would say, Indian or even other communities, you know, there is some aspect of community that brings us together. And uh being in a different country, you feel more the longing to be part of a community where you belong. Um if you know, for Americans here or who have settled here and not a part of a big community, you have to make that community. You have to make your friends and make your um connections based on your interests and stuff. At least here we had a common theme, which really helped uh bond. Um, I think as a community, like most communities that come here, um, there's a lot of uh tradition, there's a lot of um camaraderie, there's a lot of respect for the elders, uh listening to what others have gone through uh has really helped everybody. And even from the, I would almost say from the elders' perspective, I you know really felt they were cooler than us in terms of, hey, why are you not doing that? And we are like, okay, let's go do that. Um, uh, so that way it was it never felt very, hey, they're all going to be very traditional and stuff, even all the uh other members of the Bund community, people who have been here for so long, uh had the Bund connect.

SPEAKER_01 39:08

Do you mean Ashok and me?

SPEAKER_03 39:11

Sure, sure, of course. Yeah, yeah, you are, of course, but uh, but everybody, right? Even uh Ashokana initially, you know, he he put a lot of effort to even connect with me, uh, right. And I was like, who is this person? Why are they giving me my Dell email and uh things? But you know, once I met them, uh met you guys and others, you know, it was always open and um the community connection was there. What I like the best about our community is we are not very, hey, you are a band, you got to do these things. You know, every band I know has done so many different things and have and has navigated life so differently. Uh, and that's really great, right? Uh none of us are the same. Um, I like certain things, some others don't, but we still um meet up and we still enjoy um talking to each other and learning about each other. So I think just having that connection and even the band community here, right? Some might say, hey, we just meet once a year, twice a year. What's the big deal? But still the fact that we are there for each other and we meet when we have to, we have smaller meetings when you have to, um, we help each other out, is all part of being uh part of a community, right? Our neighbors are our community, our work colleagues are our community, our relatives are our community, and in this case, we have another set of common bonds together, being the Bund community, right? So uh definitely we are a strong community in that way. We still um want to remember our culture and heritage, but not impose it. That's what I feel the best among every bunt I've seen here. You know, there is a connection to what we do, what we what where we came from, but there's never been a hey, you're a bunt, you got to do this, or whoa, you don't know what this is. It's never been judgmental. And it's been a very open community that way, welcoming even people from outside, you know, our sobs, for example, the spouse of buns is a good example of you know where people from different parts and in and outside of India are still very, you know, welcome in the community, and it's not really uh um uh you know, it's a good uh thing.

SPEAKER_00 41:16

Yeah, absolutely. And then sort of continuing the thread of navigating change, right? Um curious what sort of independent from bunt or other values, but curious what are some things that you've really developed in yourself? Um whether it's your parents' insistence on, or just showing of hard work, um, whether moving to America, how that has affected you, new marriage, two boys, um, what are things that when you go through hard things in life or even easy, easy sort of waves in life, what are some attributes that have really helped you? Um, stay true to who you are and uh weather these storms? And what are you sort of passed down, or what have you already passed down to Neil and Christian? What would you um sort of give advice to other generations about?

SPEAKER_03 42:04

Yeah. I think uh the biggest thing for me was it's good to have a community, right? Whether it be a band community with some common things here, or a community at work, or community of like-minded parents with the same age group kids. Um, you always learn as a group and observing different um um um folks and how they bring up the children. Hey, that's a good idea, let's try that. Or no, that's not a great idea, let's not do that. Um, so I think that has been uh the key in terms of learning for me. And even with the Bund community, uh, we have seen, like I came in, you know, 2001, but uh before that, so many Bunts have come before me. So that has really helped also for me to understand: hey, how does this work? What happens when we have kids? Uh, how do they go to school? What happens, how do they select college? Because if you think about it as first generation Americans and being here for the first time, um, you didn't have all this. It was very different in India, right? And so to adapt that and make sure your kids are not being sent on a wrong path, you definitely need the community to kind of, you know, even you know, Sudan, you and others have led before. So we're like, okay, these guys turned out okay. Yeah, good. Let's follow what they did. Uh so that that definitely helps being a part of community that way, where you're not judged, you can do still whatever you want. There's no restriction that, hey, you're a bunt, you got to do da-da-da-da. And even within the band community, I see people have done everything. There's some are, you know, um, they're not all doing the same thing for sure. You you know, you see all kinds of professions, you see all kinds of um activities people are into, and they're very different. So I think some part of being an American where you are a little bit independent, uh is good for all of us to explore all facets of our. Life and some parts of it where you know sometimes you you rely on your ancients or your uh community or hey, what did they do and get some life lessons that way? The right balance is always a good thing.

SPEAKER_00 44:17

Yeah, absolutely. And uh in the spirit of community, just wanted to thank you for your time, um, your your transparency, your awareness. I know it's it's difficult. Um, one of the things I feel like the community doesn't do that great is storytelling and telling your own story to preserve those values. Um I think coming on the podcast, maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow, but I'm sure Neil and Krishna others will be really appreciative of you uh hearing or like telling your story and being authentic about it. Um thank you, Manishankle, really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_03 44:48

Thank you both for having this uh initiative. I'm sure uh if people don't learn only from one person, right? But you have so many of these and each of our experiences is so different. Um, definitely someone will pick up some good stuff and go with it.

SPEAKER_01 45:03

Yeah, thank you so much, Manish. Uh I know there was one thing that you did want us add, I think. Uh did you is there something else you wanted to say that about uh uh a suggestion to keep the community going?

SPEAKER_03 45:21

Uh no, I think okay. It's yeah, it's uh be open to whatever you want to do. Uh try to meet up with other members of the community because there is something about the past which binds us. Um, but at the same time, we all came to America for a reason. Uh, we wanted a change, so it's also good to embrace change that way. But use what works for you, right? There's no strict rule or playbook by which you need to go by and say, hey, people in the past did this, I should do this. Um, the that's the whole part of the America piece, which works, right? You're independent, you can do whatever you want. And some part of it is what do you want to do, right? And if you want to do something traditional, you want to connect with other people who are came up through the same culture or your their parents came up through the same culture as you, do it. And that that's what I would say, I would say. I mean, let's use the freedom we have in this country to uh open ourselves up also to different things and really doing what we want in terms of how much do you want to be connected to your past, to your heritage, and how much do you want to explore new things?

SPEAKER_01 46:32

All right, thank you, Manish. Thank you very much for being here. Wishing you all the best, lots of travels, lots of exploration, and all the best to you. And we just we heard uh Neil is just uh got into UT, so hookam, even though you're an Aggie. But seriously, good luck, Manish. Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 46:53

Okay, thank you all. Yeah, thank you for doing this. Bye.