Episode #20 - Gayathri Shetty

Gayathri, co-owner of Gayathri and Namith Architects, exudes passion and vision on this slightly longer but down-to-earth Chavadi chat with hosts S & L, on topics ranging from early loss, arranged marriage, and career, to her love of hockey, preserving heritage, and doting grandma.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:09

Hi there, or as we say in Tulu, Namaskara. Welcome to Chowdi.

SPEAKER_00 0:16

Chowdi means the meeting place. Architecturally, it is a veranda, sometimes outside a home, sometimes within, always to welcome guests, to swap stories, debate the news, and pass the time together.

SPEAKER_01 0:31

Each episode we will bring you voices that reflect the rich tapestry of life, memories from childhood, lessons learned along the way, and the moments that stay with us forever. Some humorous, some poignant, but always special. I'm Lalita Shetty.

SPEAKER_00 0:51

And I'm Siddhan Chetty. Today we invite you to our chaviti. Today we have Gay Tri Shetty. Gay Triyanti has been in Bangalore for 60 plus years. She's the oldest of four siblings. And she's married to Prasanashedi. They currently have two kids, Rahul, who's married to Ritika, and Rajani, who's married to Vishwas, and one granddaughter, Samara. Welcome, Gayatrianti. How are you doing today?

SPEAKER_03 1:30

Hi, it's great to be on this. Can't wait to carry this conversation through.

SPEAKER_01 1:36

Thank you, Gaiu, for being here. We also know you've done so much in your life, so hopefully we'll cram some of it in this uh podcast.

SPEAKER_00 1:52

Awesome. Let's get started. So uh let's start with off with your childhood, right? So any bun traditions, memories, uh holidays in Bangalore or Parampali, feel free to take any, give us any stories about um how your childhood looked like on that front.

SPEAKER_03 2:10

I think um, you know, the the main thing that we I remember about uh childhood was, you know, always being close to my cousins, you know, whether it was in Bangalore where we stayed on parallel roads with Lalo and uh Nandu, or whether it was going on uh annual holidays twice a year to Parampali, where we all got together in this lovely old home. And um, we were so many of us that uh you know we actually formed our own little cliques. So people who were at the same age group really got together and we you know had our own pro programs or something or the other that we kept busy during the day.

SPEAKER_01 2:53

Mischief that we were up to.

SPEAKER_03 2:55

Right. In fact, um the earliest thing that I remember was um you know when my grandfather passed away, actually. If uh we're thinking of something that was uh you know very traditional, because um we weren't there when he actually passed away, but went there for the 13th day ceremony. And I remember that we were all in Parampali and um there were so many rituals that happened, and I think it was the first time that we were really seeing some of these things happen, and it's just a vague memory, after which, of course, we always got together during the summer and uh winter breaks, and uh every time it was great to be spending that time in Parampaliya. Of course, the since we were a lot more girls than boys, the boys got to go to town, while as whereas the girls always remained back at home, and then the best thing that we did was walk to the highway, which was probably a 15-20 minute walk, and that was our daily highlight, I would say.

SPEAKER_01 4:04

The evening, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:06

Yes, but uh summers were great because you know, there were you know, the trees were full of fruit, we you know, um gorged on mangoes and jackfruit, and uh also had you know, some of them were also you know things that we stole while our parents were sleeping and uh threw the seeds out of the windows, but there were also these walks that we did into the uh hills, and uh we collected these berries which were um which were all put together, and in the evening a cousins would you know come up with some entertainment program, and we use this really to be you know like to snack on while the while like our popcorn during the show, absolutely, as entertainment, and it was great fun because you know time kind of flew when we were there. Of course, um nobody thought too much about uh food during that time. Things were like we had to eat, we ate, and we moved on. Um you know, our mothers were normally there, fathers were back at work, and um it was just a good time uh in Parampali. Also, uh, when my father came, we would have to go to Mangalore, that is my grandfather from my um you know paternal side, and um over there we were very few cousins, we just had a couple of cousins, and most of the time when we went there, we were just the four of us. And um my grandfather was also quite strict, so he would um make sure that we actually, you know, went for a walk, which was at least a half an hour walk, and then it was very we watched him play tennis, which was uh which was great, but you know, we it wasn't it wasn't as fun as being with your own cousins, you know, in Parampali. And then we went, uh, you know, had uh it was very typical that we had uh you know sugarcane juice and um charmori is the word for Bailpuri, really. So charmori in Tulu. And um yeah, came back home. So that was like a regular over there. So most of the time when my father came to pick us up, we'd always say, No, we want to stay a few more days in the bank, but let's like reduce the manglow days.

SPEAKER_00 6:26

So you almost had one childhood home that was, I guess, full of cousins, and you can sort of have free reign on whatever you can do, and then one was a little bit more strict, and uh you had a sort of a more set schedule, it sounds like, right?

SPEAKER_03 6:41

Yeah, that that's what it was, really. So that's so I think um uh a lot of the time we even um tried or wanted to go to uh the beach, which was uh fairly close by if you went by car. And uh there was the river, which I remember once very clearly my father taking all of us kids to go, you know, to the river to pick um Marwai, which is mussels, yeah, the smaller mussels, not the green ones. But uh it was great fun, and then we'd have these competitions where we would, you know, count out the shells to see how many each of us had, you know, it was fun, fun doing that as well.

SPEAKER_01 7:21

But that's food, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:24

Sorry. That's my thought of um uh you know parampoli during uh those growing days. I think we also had some um mid-morning snack, which was also something that was very typical of that time, probably at around 11 in the morning, where we had um poddol, which is almost like uh puffed rice but uh different. Um and again in the evening we'd have some snack with you know when the elders had tea.

SPEAKER_01 7:52

So I think those day was actually yeah, the day was structured around eating, playing when we went for vacations, right? And even in Bangalore, like homework and all that was part of childhood growing up. There was no question you did it or didn't do it, you had to do your homework, and so even though we had like that, so a lot of what we did uh as ch children, I mean, the memories we have obviously was when we were during weekends, things like that. We came over to stay at your place, we went for other two other uncles' places. But in all of this, Gayu, is there anything that equates to bunt for you? That these are for us just normal childhood traditions. I don't know if they're bunt or not bunt, but for you, is there something that equates to bunt?

SPEAKER_03 8:43

No, I don't think so. I think at that time not so much, except for the setting as such. That uh, you know, I remember going back to school, and when every time the teacher, the biology teacher said we uh today we're gonna learn about this fruit or uh that animal or you know, this insect, and I'd put up my hand and say, I've seen this in Manglore, you know, I've been in my space. And um it was strange because um, of course, a few kids did do that, but otherwise, I think uh most often we were the only ones who really had this kind of a setting for uh for holidays. The other thing that I wanted to say was that uh, you know, my dad was very outdoor and uh he had a boat and um you know took us you know to the sea. My brother was always helping him, fishing and things like that, and hunting. So, you know, there was a lot of outdoor stuff that we did uh growing up. In fact, I remember in the 10th standard when I had exams, Lalo. Um he what he was on that weekend we did a he did a fishing trip, and I said, I have an exam on Monday, and he said, you know what, it's a lot more quiet out there. You can study under the trees, and uh there's nobody to disturb you. So it was it was strange, but we of course went along with it, and uh now when I think back, I think those were wonderful days that uh you know we did, but I don't think there was anything very specifically bunt other than the wedding. The weddings were fun too, of course, of all the cousins, considering that we were lower down in that group of probably 80 Lalu. The last quarter, I think. The last, yeah, and so a lot of cousins got married, and there was a lot of uh fun things that happened. And uh, there was one time, I'm not sure whether you spoke about it, when we five of us were in the house when everyone else had gone uh wedding shopping to Bangalore, and all of us got into trouble one way or the other, and uh we had to we had to call for Balankle, which is my grandmother's brother, and who's a doctor, Dr. Bibi Shetty, and he had to literally come to our rescue because each of us, I think Lalo had a fracture.

SPEAKER_01 11:05

There was some reaction to uh some form of poison ivy or something, yeah. Yeah, and then I did stub my toe too. I did stub my toe. We all kinds of things happened, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:15

Allergies, and uh I I remember I I had an infected tiny wound which had all become red and angry, and so it was like we were like rushed across, and um, within within uh couple of days, the mothers returned and said, What was this? We just left you all for a couple of days. Did you all have to get into so much of trouble?

SPEAKER_02 11:38

Yes, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:40

And it's funny that that memory has come up in like because we've interviewed Nandita, Nantaka, my sister. We've interviewed Lakshmi, Achmu, your sister, and uh, but when yours, Nantakas, and my, you know, it has come up a couple of times that story about us being left for a few, and it was even a long time. There were people there to take care of us, but the fun and the it was an adventure being left on our own without the grown-ups there. But uh anyway, that and all the other stories got you, it really sounds that that was just being bunt is just part of who you are, and all these things just add to that. And you mentioned when we talked earlier that for you be more bunt traditions or things came up after you got married, right? Did you want to talk a little expand a little bit on that before we move on?

SPEAKER_03 12:34

Yeah, I think uh while we while we were kids, we yes, we went to temples, yes, we took, you know, went for different kinds of functions, whether they were, you know, like a bike, which is you know, your eight-month when you're pregnant, yeah. When you're pregnant, the sediment that they do and uh things like that. But uh I don't think we knew uh much about the like the temples that were very much a part of our family house, nor did we, you know. I mean, of course, we went to Muturmane, which was just before we got married. That was like like something that we had to do before we got married, but beyond that we didn't think too much. But once I got married to Prasana, I realized that they were so into traditions, Bhant traditions, and they were, you know, of course, they were very the family was very close, closely associated with the Polali temple, Rajarajishwari temple. And uh everything seemed to um revolve around the temple, uh, revolve around you know the the Bhutasthanas which were there at home and what needed to be done. And um I think that really uh gave me a totally different view from what we knew of growing up. So uh prasana's home uh where his um parents lived is near Bantwan, Bulur, and um of course his uh sister was in Mangalore, Moinyaka was in Mangalore, so there was always this connect between the Bulur house and um Mangalore and what we needed to do for a particular function and things like that. Uh later on, after um prasana's parents passed, a lot of times prasana took on that responsibility in the house of making sure some of these things happened in Buldur. So I got exposed to a lot of it. And I even, you know, I mean, we didn't even have that much of knowledge. Though, of course, when when I asked my mother, she of course had given me a whole list of um the you know, like the daivas or the daivas that were uh uh you know really part of our family home. So I think it was interesting, and there was a a kind of a sudden change. And uh Lalo, you know, I somehow feel this was uh sometime when Chinkaka passed away from a cousin, Mammy's other sister's daughter, who suddenly passed away, and from a person who was, you know, I wouldn't say a non-believer, I shifted to looking more into what this meant to us, uh, what were the things that uh you know, maybe there was a lot more that we needed to, you know, kind of um think about concentrate about because otherwise we went out went about all this with just our physical uh being there and not really, you know, getting uh uh uh you know involved mentally. And uh after which I've seen that there's so much, there's so much of Bunt culture that uh that one can spend a whole lifetime just uh studying about it.

SPEAKER_00 15:59

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Um, and then fast forwarding a little bit through teen years in college, right? So, I what I want to start off with is that you were an athlete and I believe that you played for the state hockey team. So, talk to us a little bit about your love for hockey. I know I know now also you work with uh a couple of associations in hockey too, right? So maybe talk about the sport of hockey, what that meant to you and traveling a little bit as you grew up uh for that sport.

SPEAKER_03 16:31

So I think I inherited um, you know, at least we inherited our love for sports from my father, you know, and uh I think uh you know I kind of took part in almost every sport in school. And uh by the time, you know, I was in the 10th standard, I think, you know, I stuck to hockey because it was something that um uh that I really enjoyed. Um having said that, we continued in the state hockey team, and I remember being you know, a time when I was not selected uh for the state team, and my father was saying that, you know, you're really young, you'll have enough of opportunity, you know, uh the next time round. And uh true enough, there was enough and more that happened through the years, and I would have probably played for almost eight eight years or so, and there was so much of um different things that happened. I I um we went to different uh cities in this uh in this country because we were looking at uh you know national level games, then there were things which were uh you know in and around the Dasara sports was really fun in Mysore, and it was great fun because it was a group of girls traveling all over.

SPEAKER_00 17:51

Yeah, that's a lot of fun.

SPEAKER_03 17:52

We had a lot of experiences. Um when we when I was uh in architecture, which was in 1980, we uh the state team got a chance to play in in uh Washington, DC in their park. Yeah, and uh that was also a huge experience because you know uh hockey was not played so much in the US, and um, you know, there were people, it was an international tournament, and there were people from all over who were there, so that kind of gave even more of um you know love for the game.

SPEAKER_00 18:25

Was that your first time abroad? Because I know you mentioned that you used to travel a lot, because your father used to travel a lot, so the whole family used to go with him.

SPEAKER_03 18:33

Um yes, it was. If uh, you know, I mean, we had traveled to Sri Lanka, which was um abroad compared to I mean, uh which was outside the country, but after that, I think the 1980 uh trip was my first, you know, a trip outside of um you know the Indian Ocean, or so to say. The uh, you know, I mean, just to give perspective, I remember each dollar was eight rupees, you know. And uh if you converted it, and today I think it is close to 100 rupees, so that's the difference. Yeah, but um moving forward, we you know, I thought after my kids were a little grown, we looked at um a couple of us who played together earlier, decided that we must do something for the game, and so we all got together and worked on hockey karnataka. We were all part of that association, and we did um a lot of stuff for the game in Bangalore, so we held you know the nationals for boys, for the men, for the you know, young girls, and uh we kind of took it to a different level altogether, you know. By that time, hockey had kind of gone down because cricket was doing very well, and so we said to encourage these players, let's um, you know, organize good prices for them. So we actually for the men's team, we actually organized uh three cars the nano, which is a small car. So we said the three best players would get nanos, and we everyone was thrilled about it. The girls, of course, we you know, they didn't want the cars, they were we said, okay, let's at least get them scooters, you know. So we did that for the girls as well. But it was great fun and it was great uh learning in terms of I think leadership skills and uh organizing things to be able to, you know, make sure that uh 600 odd kids from all over, you know, get to uh you know a place on time for their practices, for their matches, their food, you know, that was also an interesting thing because people in the north like chapatis and people in the south like rice, and we realized that uh you know, you can't say everyone have one chapati and some rice. No, it didn't work that way. So that's funny. These were things which were fun as part of that. As of what we've done is I also was vice president of hockey India for a while, and uh we did start a league. Uh, there was a league that was happening for a few years, but you know, hopefully, this post-COVID, hopefully that league, you know, needs to restart and gather some momentum. Uh back in Bangalore with a couple of friends, the same friends actually, we've uh started something known as Yes for Hockey, which is an initiative again to you know bring hockey back to schools with kids and uh especially government school kids. So we have uh training in each of these schools, and we have uh you know at least uh you know an average of 50 to 60 kids who practice on a daily basis. Yeah, so we had you know tournaments for them, and we're trying to uh build an excellence team to see whether they can actually make it to the uh state team as well.

SPEAKER_01 22:09

So that's our current but and you've given you uh y'all give up kits, I think, right?

SPEAKER_03 22:15

Free uh kits to the kids or something like that, or you were actually the uh the government has been giving uh some you know some amount of infra in their schools and kids as well, but we uh are organizing the training so for uh you know the coaches who come in on a daily basis, plus we give them some kind of a snack just after their training. So if it's in the morning, then they have that snack and then go to school, or if it's in the evening, they have their snack and then go back home before you know, I mean, before their dinner, which would probably be much later. But uh it's it's uh there's a lot happening there, and we intend to do a lot more, give them a lot more um you know visibility and a little more exposure, taking them to uh different um, you know, maybe towns and cities as well.

SPEAKER_00 23:12

Yeah, absolutely. I think one of the the beautiful things is that like sport, especially in India, can sometimes be an extracurricular, but if you invest a lot of time in it um along with education, it can really be like a change for society, right? So it's it's a really cool thing that you're doing and definitely definitely uh hoping it keeps expanding into different schools because the impact is definitely there, right? But yeah, I mean I want to talk more about your parents, right? So I think we have a good image of your father. So he's like a traveling guy and he's very outdoorsy. He used to it sounds like he used to have a lot of adventure in your life, but we didn't talk a lot about your mother. So talk more about your or her influence on you and sort of what was her role in the household and uh any good memories with her.

SPEAKER_03 23:59

So my mother was the one who was uh always at home for us, and uh of course she uh had a love for cooking, which I think uh I inherited. I love cooking too. Though I don't have the time, I would still say that uh she and uh my aunt Jolly Mummy would go, you know, for cooking classes and things like that, and we would really wait to see what they would bring back home. But um, you know, they they were all she also had family as the center of her uh thought process as such. And when I say family, it's not just us four kids, it always meant that it was the extended family with her siblings and uh their children and all of it. So, you know, it was something that uh was all, you know. I mean, you learned by just watching how people, you know, how she handled things, how she kind of uh worked with my dad, who was very outdoorsy, he called a whole lot of friends over and uh he always wanted to entertain with them. You know, we already always had a Diwali party every year, which was like huge, which we all looked forward to. He had international guests, you know, from Sri Lanka. And um, so there was always things happening. We had this fishing team that came, you know, all the way from London and uh stayed with us for a long time. And so she was always kind of making sure that these things were always done to the best of um uh what was possible. Also, she was very strict with us, so so you know, she was the one who's uh you know made sure that we um you know didn't go out of line to when it came to uh talking to people or behavior, and uh it was always something that she, you know, just a look from her would keep us in check, really. But um I think my dad was, you know, I mean, when they went out, both of them uh he loved to shop, whether it was for jewelry for my mother or whether it was for things for us, he was the shopper. And um it was great fun because um, you know, we would always uh look forward to what they brought back once they traveled abroad, especially. And uh not uh surprised, but always looked up to the way they handled life as such because there was so much of everything, whether it was family, whether it was uh friends, whether there was entertainment, whether there was travel, it was it seemed like uh a perfect uh you know, a perfect life at that time.

SPEAKER_00 26:45

Yeah. And of course.

SPEAKER_01 26:49

The passion was there, very visible.

SPEAKER_03 26:52

Yes. And um I think um I think when I was 16, I remember when I was 16, I, you know, I had this birthday party at home when um uh you know I called all my friends over. We, you know, it was I somehow remember him being very um being very much a part of trying to put things together for us, though it was just a small tea party as such. But uh post that, you know, we lost him to a sudden heart attack, which was very shocking. I think it um affected all of us very differently. Me being the oldest seemed like there was a lot of responsibility on me for various things, and um I think we didn't know how to kind of handle ourselves at that point. I was also at a point where you know I had to I had to choose a career, and um we were totally lost, and we were, you know, obviously I was totally lost, and I was looking to see what would what I needed to do because my mother was very keen. My mother, my mother's sisters, both Chala Mammy, Jolly Mummy, were always there, and they were very keen that you chose something which would be a profession so that you know you could be able to stand on your own feet. I think that that was something that was very key. Um and so I did, you know, I mean, I uh initially, you know, I mean, he my parents wanted me to do um dentistry, but that was some because he felt that this was something that you can do at your time and things like that.

SPEAKER_01 28:40

It was like a woman's profession in the medical field, yes, absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 28:44

At that time, saying that you know you could take your time over things, and there was nothing that was you know very, very urgent about uh the profession, but uh no medicine, anything with medicine was not for me. I uh was more of a physics and math person, and um I did uh try textile design, you know, it sounded interesting, so I said okay. I in fact even joined the college, but didn't last there for more than two weeks because there was so much of chemistry. I think they had yeah, we had organic chemistry, uh, three subjects, and inorganic chemistry. And your preference chemistry.

SPEAKER_00 29:23

So there was physics and math, right?

SPEAKER_03 29:25

Yeah, yeah, that was my subject. So architecture was uh was another option that we you know talked about. I thought this was something that I would definitely be interested in, considering um, you know, it had a lot of physics as well. And of course, the creative part of it was also something that was interesting. So I joined uh architecture in 1980.

SPEAKER_00 29:49

And were you always a person that was more creative and sort of like design and the elements of design when it came to architecture that you were naturally drawn towards that?

SPEAKER_03 30:00

Uh not really. I think my sister Lakshmi was the creative person. She was the one who went to uh you know all the art classes and um did her painting and sketching and all of it. Whereas I was more into sports, you know, and probably girl guides and stuff like that. I don't think uh I even gave it a second thought, you know, which is why when uh you know you have to choose a profession and when you have to think of a career, then things you know really become a lot more important for you to, you know, look at um at that point in time.

SPEAKER_01 30:40

I and but I also feel Gayu, I think most of us equate creativity to art, but creativity could come in many directions or from many spaces because you are creative in solutions, you are creative in coming up with a big picture, you can see it somehow before most of us can, and you have creative ways to get there. So I think that creativity was always there. We come from a family of creative people, all kinds of creativity, and I think that's always there. And of course, like you said, you went into architecture, you stuck to it. It was a tough time in your life. Nara and Mama had just passed, it's a new field that you've gone into. Gitami was thrown into being the breadwinner per se, like we said last time. So all that was challenging, but you dealt with it, you went through it, and um it is an emotional topic, so you know it is emotional, but you stuck with it, you had support of everybody. And her podcast talked about family support, Gitami strength through all of this, and I think you saw all of that and have imbibed lots of those things because we see so much of that in you. But moving on to finishing architecture, and then of course, you were young, I mean, you had just finished architecture back in the day, you finished college and you got married. That was the that was the sequence for most women, most girls, and that was your case too. So, do you want to talk a little bit about that process of being married to Prasanana, who was an amazing husband, I feel?

SPEAKER_03 32:29

I just wanted to add quickly about uh, you know, seeing from very close quarters what uh mommy was going through, you know, going to PLN. And um, you know, I know it was very challenging for her. And as kids, I don't think we understood it too well, but really did see that uh, you know, she was managing things, whether it was financially, whether it was trying to see how to kind of uh make sure that the kids didn't um get affected. Life went on, whether it was for college, whether it was for sports. I kept playing hockey. I went I went to so many different places with the team. Um, of course, Nakul and uh Achmu and Sadhiva, of course, were still in school, and uh they had to Nakul, of course, went into engineering soon after, but she kind of handled it all, which is really so admirable if you think about it now. And we, you know, you think of her losing her husband at 39, which is like two or three, we would think of them more as kids than you know, as proper adults at that age. Um, yeah, so just wanted to bring that in. Also, um, I just wanted to uh talk talking about final year architecture. Um, I I knew at Final Year Architecture that there was this thing of uh looking around for a good or a suitable boy, which was going around, you know, and I would hear some conversations over the you know when over the phone, or they would bring it up loud and clear so that I could hear a part of it. It was taken for granted, I think. And I think because my father was not there, I thought I just had to do all this um without even questioning it. And um I think at final year there was there was a time when the dates for our um theses was out. We needed six months to do our thesis, and um there was also this uh point where my you know I was actually at a friend's art exhibition, and um mommy called me and said, Come back immediately, right now. So um I got back and then she said, Okay, we're going to uh Shalamami's place now. So my hand still being full of uh paint from that, helping my friend Bimbi from you know putting up that exhibition. She and me went straight to Shalamami's place in Indranagar, and then I realized that it was because uh Tarnathana, who is Prasana's older cousin, of course, much older, wanted to do a first screening of sort of sorts.

SPEAKER_00 35:22

Of you, of you, right?

SPEAKER_03 35:23

Yeah, of me. I didn't know that. Only later, you know, like I mean, probably a month later, we were supposed to meet Prasana and me met at um Shobaka's house, who, you know, is an aunt to me, mom's cousin. And uh it was of course a group thing, you know, where there were a lot of people from the family. I was of course from both families. From both families. I was in a sari, I remember, and uh I I walked in thinking, I don't know who this person is, because there was no question of photographs or anything like that, you know, and there were a lot of people, and you know, so it took a little time to figure out what was going on over there because you know, you're also shy and don't want to be, you know, looking up and you know staring at everybody as well. And uh of course after that it was um you know, it was it was a it was a point where I said, no, I don't think I can do my theses now because that wedding date is going to be fixed. We in fact uh got engaged in Manglow and um within a matter of three months we got married. And uh wow was it uh Delhi was just before that engagement was it before or after? Maybe it was before before because we had to rush back because of the engagement.

SPEAKER_01 36:49

Yes. I remember because of what she's talking about, Siddhan, this part of working for towards the thesis. Her thesis was centered around sports arenas or something like that. Yeah, sports school. Sports schools, and so there was this great school in Haryana close to Delhi that Gary wanted to visit to put data and stuff in her thesis. And since I was also not married and similar close to her in age, we went together, the two of us, and Pratsanana, whom she had seen and was supposed to be the guy, everything was all good, there was supposed to be the engagement coming back, was visiting Delhi at the time or something, and he said he would meet us somewhere for dinner. So Gayu, I don't know if you remember, you didn't even know how tall he was, and he is tall, so there's no way. And so she we were sitting together, the three of us, and he got up to order some food, and she goes, Lalu, I'm gonna go and stand next to him. You tell me how much taller he is. So we did things like that, and so just point blank asking. But back in the day, it was just somehow things you didn't do, and now you think of it, and it's so silly, right? So she goes standing next to him, and I'm like, Yeah, you're you're you're good, he's a lot taller than you. And people laugh because Guy is not very tall, and Prince Nana is pretty tall, so there should not even have been that. But I think she was just trying to figure out how how tall her heels could be because she loves heels. Her closet, I think, has um was it the first time you were meeting him?

SPEAKER_00 38:24

You were meeting him for the first time in Delhi.

SPEAKER_01 38:26

No, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_03 38:28

Okay, so so I had uh we kept meeting in Bangalore, so we would meet to get to know each other better, and uh so we would go, you know, to a restaurant, uh probably have some something to eat, and then uh you know, have chat a little bit, and then would drop me back home. And you know, this this happened for a couple of months really before our engagement. So we definitely got to.

SPEAKER_01 38:56

But was that after Delhi Gayu? Because was that after Delhi? Maybe it was. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 39:01

Yeah, maybe in between. I mean, probably Delhi was just just before Delhi, maybe a couple of times. That's it. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:09

So there wasn't really this. Uh so anyway, it was all that exciting stuff, and now they've been married for 30 plus years, 40, almost 40 years. This year's gonna be 40. This year will be 40. Yeah, so proving that arranged marriages work almost as well or just as well. Like I said, we you have so much that you know that uh that you've done that I think I'm gonna move. I think we can move past the marriage because, like we said, you put your internship on hold, then you got married, then you had another project really fast.

SPEAKER_03 39:47

Yeah, I I was supposed to give my theses, and uh, the next thing I knew after getting married was I was expecting a baby. And I even before our first anniversary, Raul was born, so the theses just had to stay uh total go slow while I was figuring out this enjoying a baby and uh you know uh trying to you know manage home and um uh husband and baby and all of it together. So I uh when he was actually a year old, that's when I decided that I would join mystery architects and get started with my architecture and things like that. So I did have some help, and um Rahul was in my mom's place from morning to evening under the watchful eye of my grandmother, Lalita Rai, and my mother's mother. And uh so I would go drop him off every morning and pick him up every evening and uh take him home. So that was how that worked, you know, for a good uh three years, I think. Um after which, of course, I was expecting my second child when I was of course after a year of uh Rahul, you know, after him turning one, I did manage to do uh my thesis, I did finish it, but just about barely, so that I got my degree in hand, um with um you know some amount of help from my colleagues as well. But um when my daughter was born, I decided that uh, you know, I'm going to stop work. So this was about four and a half years of mystery architects, and then I decided that I'm if even if I'm going to uh continue working, it will be from home while the children are growing up. And my daughter Ranjini was I'm going to be home while she was growing, at least that first one year was the thought. So yeah, so what happened was that um uh Namit Varma, who's my business partner, was also at Mystery Architects, and he was there for, you know, working there for about eight years plus. He had studied in uh Manipal College of Architecture and had known Prasana from Manipal days. So, you know, we tended to spend some amount of time together, which meant that while I was looking after my you know Ranjini at home and sending uh Rahul to school because he had just started school, uh Namit came to um my rescue to do certain amount of drawings for me while we took while I took on one or two projects at home. So a year later, or I would say two years later, 93, 1993, we actually decided to partner and set up office together. And that was when Gayatri and Namit Architects was um born, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:02

So And did you ever when you were having like when you were dealing with um Rahul and Ranjini when they were babies, did you ever were you always focused on you always knew that you eventually wanted to continue working despite taking that break, or just because you had a business partner that came home frequently, it almost became the catalyst for launching your own firm in the future?

SPEAKER_03 43:27

So no, I I want to say that you know mystery architects were, you know, it was a wonderful time working with them because they uh were a couple, you know, like Reno uh Mystery and Sharuk Mystery, and they're both architects. And we always saw Reno doing, you know, managing children and office and home and all of it. So it didn't seem very strange to think of going back to a career because you know, you watched uh, you know, I mean, for for me. Yeah, she was like an you know the ideal. Was really a role model for me in terms of how she managed things. And we did a lot of travel as well with them. And for me, it brought back memories of um, you know, my childhood with my dad and Sharuk, Sharuk Mistri, Renu Mistri, they were wonderful people. You know, I could I could go on and on talking about them, but you know, it changed our um our outlook to life also because you know they were such wonderful people. Having said that, when we started our practice, uh, we looked at doing things almost on a similar way when it came to running the practice. Of course, where I did have a little bit of a hard time was, you know, as a young mother who's also in practice, there's always the pain of, you know, not spending sufficient time with your kids. And um, earlier on, you know, I've always felt that okay, this is going to be difficult on a daily basis. I remember sitting with uh Rahul with his homework late into the night, and by the end of it, both of us would end up crying because the homework was not complete, and um, you know, nobody had slept, and you knew that you had to get up early in the morning again. So, you know, those were times that uh you felt that um uh you know you need to kind of figure out a way that worked better. But um I always believed at that point in time and continuously through the children's growing years that uh quality time was important. So we made sure that you know we took our kids wherever we went when we went on holidays, we spent that time, we kind of made sure that um we took them for their sports, we took them to their bus stop every day, which was not necessarily done in that way, you know. We you could kind of uh let somebody else do that, but we insisted that we we needed to do that till I think they were almost in uh 12th standard. So, you know, it kind of went through and through. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:07

Yeah. So I guess you didn't get to spend like huge blocks of day of your day with them because of your profession, but at least the the small transitions of life, the drop-off, the pickups. I think those are also some times where you get so the the quiet solitude moments with your child, which is nice, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 46:23

Because I always remember and also, of course, Rahul was into sports, so he, you know, was into uh skating and things like that, you know, where um we would uh you know take him to do whatever sports, you know, it was always something or the other that was there. There was swimming, there was skating, there was cricket, you know, all of it, but not hockey.

SPEAKER_00 46:45

Yeah. So what influence he couldn't get, yeah. And then look going back to like the firm that you launched with your business partner, it's been more than 30 years now, right? Since you launched in '93. Talk more about maybe reflections on your career journey, the pitfalls, the highs and lows. I'm sure just as a regular entrepreneur, it probably goes through ups and downs, right? Um, so talk about any reflections. And obviously, the firm is very reputable, has won a lot of awards, and obviously it's been doing great things, right? So, yeah, talk more about reflections on that and how that's affected you.

SPEAKER_03 47:24

I think initially, uh, you know, since we were very young and there were very few women architects, so to say. Of course, I had my role model, and uh it didn't bother me to, or I was never afraid. But uh the thing is that you know, when you were out at site, when you were with clients, there was always this um people always looked at you differently because you were a woman, you were young. So you, you know, I we needed to kind of think of ways of trying to look a little more mature. So I'd always wear a sari, I'd be well dressed, you know, going for meetings, going to site, as against uh taking things um more informally, you know, you wanted to be taken seriously. There were clients who sometimes would turn to the contractor or somebody, even a site engineer, and ask their opinion, and that would, you know, really bother me because you know, here we are the architects and we should be the ones taking the decision. But um, you know, these things with experience, you do go get forward. There were times when a couple of clients actually spoke to my business partner and said, uh, would you like to take this project forward? And I would not hear of it because you know, if I was like the lead on a particular project, I wanted to kind of continue and make sure that that went under my care and um you know thing through the through the project. So uh I think it it was an interesting time because now when you see the number of women architects that are there, it's like almost uh the the balance has almost tilted, and you have a lot more uh women compared to the men coming out of um you know colleges of uh interior design and architecture. And um I think the first time we won an award, you know, which was at the national level, we were so excited that we this the award was being given by the prime minister in uh Delhi. And um, you know, so we we immediately said, no, we have to take uh, you know, I took my mother and um uh Namit took his father, and we traveled all the way to Delhi, you know, in the presidential uh residence, and that's where they were, you know, I mean the prime minister's residence, and that's where they gave us the award, which was you know a great honor to have it have it uh given at that point. Ever since we've been um you know looking at work with certain concepts, and those concepts are really very strong, and we like to look at things differently, creatively, whatever size of project it is, whether it's a tiny one-bedroom project or uh you know a large campus or you know, huge apartment project or whatever. So, I mean, each project is as interesting as you want it to be, and I think that's what we intended for each of these projects. Also, um we continuously won awards in different categories because we we worked with this uh concept of having looking, having, you know, doing different things differently in each of these projects, though, of course, nature was always something that we looked back into and worked with it throughout. Uh, the highlight, of course, was the WAF Award, which is the World Architecture Festival Award that we won last November for a project which is very close to me. It's a public park which is going to be opened in a couple of months in Bangalore, and uh the award was given for a future project. So, this is going to be something that's uh going to be open to the public in Bangalore and really looking forward to uh the people of Bangalore uh enjoying this park.

SPEAKER_00 51:31

When is it opening up? I would love to visit in. I know I'm going to Bangalore in December.

SPEAKER_03 51:35

So okay, it's going to be open by then. I think by June, that's when they're expecting it to be open.

SPEAKER_00 51:41

Oh, sweet, sweet, yeah. Yeah. I'll definitely uh put that in right today.

SPEAKER_01 51:46

Yeah. And so, like you said, Gaiu, you've got lots of awards, and I think your focus has always been nature and giving back and things like that. But again, moving on, because we can spend hours talking about every aspect of your life, every space, but then you got to this really cool phase which you are loving now of being a grandmom. And in all through that, I know you've had comments from family, from friends. Oh, Gayu is always busy, you never see her, but you ask any person in your life, and everyone can say that you have spent time with them and given them importance. But now it's Samara's turn to get all your love. And boy, does she get it. You want to talk a little bit about Samara?

SPEAKER_03 52:34

Yeah, oh my god. Samara, my uh Rahul and Rithika's daughter is absolutely the apple of my eye. And you know, she is somebody who's like uh chit-chats and has always, you know, I can't spend enough of time with her. In fact, I even got her a small hockey stick and she says, Amuma, we need to play hockey, you know.

SPEAKER_01 53:00

So even if you couldn't convince Rahul and Ranjini, you're determined to get Samara. Definitely.

SPEAKER_03 53:08

So uh of course, Rahul and Ritika are expecting their second child in July, and we're all uh awaiting that. Uh Ranjini and Vishwas got married three years ago, and it was, you know, I always enjoyed organizing the wedding and you know, getting things ready along with my cousins and sister-in-laws and all of it. It's it's always such a fun thing to have a wedding within the family. So it was great uh doing that just post-COVID. You know, it's always it's always nice to kind of be part and parcel of this. Ranjini is an architect and uh she's married Vishwas, who's also an architect. Vishwas has a small uh practice which is in Mysore, and uh he works between Mysore and Bangalore as well. So Ranjini also has her own outfit. They're trying to figure things out between them in terms of uh how much time they're going to spend in Bangalore and how much in Mysore. And uh, we are always, of course, we can't get enough of them when they're in Bangalore. Uh, it reminds me of the time that we were so busy during that that age. Rahul, of course, did his mechanical engineering and um uh then went on to do law and uh did some, he did different stints of work uh with finance and uh infantech for some time, but now is with the family business and is with my brothers and uh prasana in terms of business. I also want to add over here that you know, prasana probably was has had also seen Sharuk and Reno because we used to travel a lot with them, but I must say that you know, when I think back now, uh for him to have accepted me working so much during that time, because you know, architecture is always something where you had long hours, even when we started on our own, there were so many times that you know we had to uh uh literally burn the midnight oil to kind of have this presentation ready the next day. I think he was um very uh mindful of being very supportive, and you know, whether it was for me or whether it was with the kids and things like that. And of course, having uh mommy close by was always a point where we I could, you know, drop off the kids if I needed to, and if I needed to say travel for you know a day or so and then come back and pick them up from there.

SPEAKER_01 55:52

Yeah, so yeah, so yeah, so basically you have given back almost as much or more than you've got from anybody, you have launched so many, so many careers, uh, because I know personally so many people whom you have given a chance at who have you've allowed them to intern at uh Gay Priya Namata uh architect, and then you know they have gone on to have great careers too. So you've carried forward everything that you have gotten. In all of this, would you say coming back to us being Bunts, uh has that kind of influenced or has Bund culture influenced your life, or have how have you carried it through your life or plan to carry it on? Or any thoughts on that?

SPEAKER_03 56:45

I think um as the kids were growing up and uh probably even after that, I realized that you know, I would want definitely want to do something more or different from what I was doing, you know, for the last uh 30 odd years or 35 years. So to uh, you know, I mean one thing was to kind of get to be part of the Indian Institute of Interior Designers, which really again helped a lot in uh leadership skills, trying to, you know, looking to organize things and enjoying being part and parcel about of showcasing interior design to you know the fraternity and to the Bangalore public, or I would even say, you know, the public in India. We also started a design festival called Design Uru, like Bengaluru Design Uru. And that now that festival is taken forward multifold, and it's something that uh happens uh uh every year, a mini design Uru and the main design Uru, which really goes on for you know a week where people from across the city come in and uh see what is on show for whether it is you know as exhibitions, as um talks and things like that, along with the things within the city. So it's it's it's uh something that we thought would be you know really important for people to kind of do or get exposed to architecture and interior design. Having said that, uh you know, there was a point where we said we do have a vertical within our office, which is for heritage uh buildings and uh conservation. So this the person who heads this was in Humpy for a long time and has the experience of looking into conservation of traditional buildings. So we took said that we would take this, you know, Sharath is his name, and uh we decided that you know documentation of um buildings was something that uh interested us being architects. So we said that let's look at doing architecture of uh South Canra or Mangalore. And uh what happened was when we started listing the types of buildings that were there, there seemed to be too many buildings. So we then brought it down to just residential buildings, and then we realized that traditional residential buildings were also too many because you have Bunt homes, you have Jain homes, you have Christian homes, you have Muslim homes, and they each one of them is very different, Konkani homes. So we decided then that we would do just a book on ancestral home of Tulunaru, which was Bunt homes itself. And uh having looked at it, we realized that there was thousand plus homes that were there, which were decaying, and it was an impossible thing to pinpoint to see which was the ones that you know were the ones that we were going to document. So we looked to see who would give us permission to actually document this, and so we started and realized that we couldn't do more than 15 homes because it, you know, it would be at least for the first volume, it would be 15 would be a number which even now Prasana thinks was too many. So it was a great exercise. It was nice to see what we could do. We had uh architects and students really going, doing measured drawings of all these houses, photo documenting it, photo documenting furniture, and then also talking to the families of these homes where they would come up with anecdotes and you know something that stories about the you know, the structures or their or their life within those homes. Uh we even decided that we would do based on these stories, we would do watercolor rendering of something that you know the family would relate to. And coming to Parampali, we did a uh watercolor of the flooding that happens, you know, like once in probably uh 10 years or so, and uh which we are which all of us from uh home, especially my cousin Arjunana, has many stories about, but uh it is something that we've seen and we've captured that in a watercolor painting. So we also went to the extent saying that okay, if this is going to be done, let's make it even more meaningful by trying to pen down family trees of each of these families. And that of course took a little more time because one had to get it right, one had to get it uh cross-verified, and then once it was um uh ready for print, one had to check it all over again so that you know you didn't make a mistake. But um, that whole exercise of documenting it was really something that was wonderful, and it also gave me a thought that you know these are wonderful structures which the whole community, the whole Bunt community is not really doing much with. Having said that, in the last couple of years, there are people who have started looking at it differently, trying to protect these structures. I guess it's difficult because you know, ownership is different when because of the matriarchal system, there are uh many owners to a particular home. And when it's an ancestral property. So, how does one person or one family or you know, or the entire family, how do they take it to a level where it is maintained and uh you know repaired and things like that? So these are complicated for future generations, yeah, for the future generation because you know, I mean, we did this with Parampali, and uh now the kids enjoy going there. Rahul, uh Rithika and Samara go there with their friends and spend time there, which is so nice because otherwise, you know, there are so many homes which are falling apart, and people really of the current generation are not really familiar with at all.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:18

Yeah, and they go, they don't get a probably they don't get a chance to also to appreciate it too, right? Because it hasn't been retained and maintained. So it totally makes sense. And I'm curious from an architecture perspective, like when you were doing the catalog of all these different bunt homes, did you see a lot of differences on how it sort of evolved from like one family onto the next, or any like specific characteristics that you thought were pretty interesting?

SPEAKER_03 1:03:44

Yeah, of course. You know, I mean the techniques are so different. Uh, what is there is contextual and so local that uh really works so well so well in you know the climatic conditions that uh Tulunad or the homes in Mangalore or along South Canberra are. Whereas if you compare it to something else, maybe in Rajasthan or so, the you know, I mean the concepts may be similar, but because of its geographical location, you know, the use of timber and terracotta is a lot more in South India, in Bangalore and in Tulunar, is a lot more compared to what is done up north because look locally in north India you do have different kinds of stone, whereas more along the coast, you have less of granite and you have more of laterite than the natural blocks that are there, which we see being used even today.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:47

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, that's interesting. I never thought about like the places that where we build homes, even the materials that we build the homes with is informed by where the locations are also, right? Um so it totally makes sense, and then I guess taking obviously we've done a full inventory of your life, we've gone all the way from you playing field hockey for your state team all the way down to you having your own firm and collecting all the all these different awards, right? So you've gone through a lot of like maybe highs and lows throughout your journey, but I'm curious what are some traits or values that you think that are really close to your heart that you've really carried throughout you throughout this journey that have helped you weather these storms and weather these highs and lows of life that you think is valuable for Samara and the next generation and things like that. So, who do you what would you recommend sort of passing down to the next generation?

SPEAKER_03 1:05:45

I think the fact that we were, you know, so close as a family really helps because uh I think growing up, being used to people around and being part of a community is so important. I believe that a lot of in Indian families initially in those traditional homes really lived together, you know, and they were multi-generational. So you had children, the parents, and the grandparents all within one house, and you really learned to live with everyone. You live learned to live with sharing, you learn so many different things. You learn to kind of not to throw a tantrum when you know at the at the drop down. So yeah, you don't get your way, you need to kind of think of so many different things. And I think this is something that we have lost through the years, and uh because we've now all become individual families. Having said that, you know, it's always nice to be part of some community where you do have shared time, shared responsibilities, and uh, you know, things where you know it teaches you a lot in terms of how you know life can be in the future as well. It gives you a lot to learn. So I think it's important to do that. It's also very important to play games. I would say uh a team sport really teaches you again a lot more because uh you know you have to be part of a team, so you become a team player. We've seen that a lot of our friends who have played sport at some point in time have already looked to excel. I think winning and losing also becomes part and parcel of your life. You know, losing doesn't seem as difficult because you know you feel that okay, next time round is always there and you can always win going forward.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:44

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:45

Siddhant will uh will uh probably uh uh get that more because he is also an athlete, done some half man half ironmans and full iron man and you know all of that stuff.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:58

So yeah, I definitely yeah, absolutely agree with you. Um, I think for anyone listening, if they if they're interested in field hockey, this is the perfect guest to reach out to, right? Um in India. But, anyways, thank you so much for your time, Guy Triyanti. It was, I know Lolante knew a lot about you before this, obviously, but I really didn't. So, this was great to learn more about your journey, uh, your childhood. It was definitely informative. So, thank you for your time. Really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:26

Thank you. I really enjoyed going back all these years and you know, talking about all of it, right from uh you know, school days and all the times that we spent in Parampali to now. And I'm so glad that uh we do spend some amount of time together, even now. It makes it um, you know, it makes it so meaningful. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:48

Yeah. Thank you, Gayu. I mean, you are one huge, passionate person, and all these things that you want to spread, you are actually physically doing it, creating community, promoting sports. So wishing you all the best that you continue to be this passionate, fabulous person. Good luck.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:09

Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:09

Thank you, Lalu. Thank you, Siddhan. Thank you so much.