From Shame To Self-Knowledge: A Sex-Positive Roadmap

Want a calmer, truer way to talk about sex? We sit down with sex-positive therapist Gabby Lopez to explore how real intimacy grows when we move past “Is this normal?” and start asking “Am I enjoying this?” From the first minutes, we dig into what sex therapy does differently: it brings sex into the room without shame, pairs it with nervous system health, and treats pleasure as an essential part of well-being rather than an optional extra.

Gabby breaks down two desire styles—spontaneous and responsive—and explains why many couples mistake mismatched desire for a broken bond. We look closely at the orgasm gap, the hidden pressure of frequency, and how stress, pain, and exhaustion shut down arousal. You’ll hear grounded strategies for reconnecting: easing the body into safety after long days, using accurate language to replace stigma, and choosing practical tools that make pleasure easier, like lube, toys, and gentle pacing. We also name the difference between sexual chemistry and emotional safety, and why vulnerability often reads as more erotic than polished confidence.

If you’re navigating trauma, attachment patterns, or the myths surrounding sex and aging, this conversation offers patient guidance. Consent starts earlier than most people think, and using correct anatomy—vulva included—helps many women access pleasure and advocate for themselves. We share simple rituals that work: weekly check-ins about enjoyment, playful curiosity over performance, and even scheduling intimacy to reduce friction. The goal isn’t to meet an external standard; it’s to create a sex life that fits your nervous systems, values, and season of life.

Press play to learn how to talk without shame, design encounters that honor both partners, and rebuild self-trust one honest question at a time. If this resonates, subscribe, share with a friend, and leave a review to help more listeners find conversations that make intimacy feel safer, kinder, and more fun.

Transcript

Welcome And Defining Sex-Positive Therapy

SPEAKER_03 0:00

And how would sex therapy differ from traditional talk therapy?

SPEAKER_02 0:05

Um, so probably the the aspect of sex, just just literally bringing up sex. It's it's usually something that we don't talk a lot about, especially in a professional setting. And so being able to just open up that conversation.

SPEAKER_00 0:20

Welcome to Posture and Purpose, where both healing and community come together. Make sure to subscribe on Apple, Spotify, and YouTube. Let's get into this episode with Dr. Michelle Car Frank.

SPEAKER_03 0:33

Hello, and welcome to Posture and Purpose, where health, healing, and community come together. Today I have Miss Gabby Lopez, a sex positive therapist who practices here in Lafayette, Louisiana. So welcome, Miss Lopez. Thank you for being here. Hi, thank you so much for having me.

SPEAKER_02 0:50

So tell me a little bit about what a sex positive therapist is. Great question. A sex positive therapist is a therapist that really empowers people to understand what they enjoy, who they are. Um, really somebody that is not um shying away from certain things, our society makes sex a very taboo topic. So being able to offer a space for clients to be able to talk talk openly about sex and about what they enjoy.

SPEAKER_03 1:25

Okay, so hopefully that clears that that up for everyone because I'm also learning as we go. And would you mind sharing with us what path brought you and led you to being um a therapist? And especially a sex positive therapist.

Stigma, Training, And Southern Context

SPEAKER_02 1:41

Sure, sure. So um being a therapist, actually, I guess it was a kind of natural journey. I've always enjoyed talking with people and getting to know them. Um, I think the sex part of it came a little bit later whenever we were talking I was talking about those types of topics with friends, and they were the ones that were kind of mentioning, wow, you're somebody that's really easy to talk to about these things. And that got me thinking that maybe there's an area for this. And so um being able to offer a spot for people to talk about their sexuality, especially in the South and in a place where we don't talk a lot about it, and so especially the South, South females, big Catholic community, right, right. A lot of stigma, a lot of shame around sex. So being able to kind of destigmatize it, take away that shame, and let people kind of explore and get comfortable with themselves.

SPEAKER_03 2:34

Yes, and where did you receive your training?

SPEAKER_02 2:36

So I actually went to school um at UL, um University of Louisiana at Lafayette for undergrad and uh graduate school. I got my master's in clinical mental health there.

How Sex Therapy Differs From Talk Therapy

SPEAKER_03 2:47

Wonderful. Well, UL has um graduated many wonderful people, as we know, and you must be one of them because I'm so glad that we have you here in Lafayette, and that you're able to bring this topic to the forefront. You know, I think it I think it's very important. And how would sex therapy differ from traditional talk therapy?

SPEAKER_02 3:11

Um, so probably the the aspect of sex, just just literally bringing up sex, it's it's usually something that we don't talk a lot about, especially in a professional setting. And so being able to just open up that conversation to on in addition to how your relationship is and how do y'all get along emotionally, and how are y'all, you know, having a great time together, how is your sex life together, and just making it a topic of conversation, just as uh just as kind of you maybe ask about how is your back doing, being able to ask how's your sex life doing, and have that be a casual type of conversation.

SPEAKER_03 3:49

That is so interesting to me. What do you find that people most understand about most misunderstand about your profession?

Myths, “Normal,” And Frequency Traps

SPEAKER_02 3:59

Um, probably that sex positive means I'm saying have a lot of sex, and that's absolutely not the case. Okay, we cleared it up. Yeah, it is have the sex that you want to have, and being able to um get couples talking about these types of conversations together so that they can understand themselves and their partner, so that they can have a satisfying sex life.

SPEAKER_03 4:22

Interesting. And what is the most common lie that people tell themselves about their sex life? Oh, that's a good question.

SPEAKER_02 4:34

A lie. Um, probably the the worry of like this isn't normal. I think so many people get nervous about what they enjoy and they're kind of tiptoeing around it. And so um allowing them to kind of put that down of you know, there's there's no normal. It's it's all about what what do you like, what don't you like, and being able to express that.

SPEAKER_03 4:58

Yeah, it's an individual um thing for sure. What questions are clients secretly hoping you'll ask them, but you rarely do?

SPEAKER_02 5:10

Ooh. Question that they're secretly hoping I ask, but I rarely do.

SPEAKER_03 5:18

Only because with that topic, they might not want to bring something up and they're hoping you'll ask.

SPEAKER_01 5:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:24

So they don't have to bring it up, but they want you to ask to lay it out on the table.

SPEAKER_02 5:30

I think people are probably most concerned with like the frequency. Like they're they're wanting me to ask, how often are y'all doing it? And that's usually not the the question. It's usually getting explored, exploring how are they enjoying what they're doing? Is it often enough for them? Not that there's a specific right or wrong amount of times to be having sex with your partner.

Common Challenges And The Orgasm Gap

SPEAKER_03 5:54

Again, an individual thing among couples. Uh-huh. And what are the most common intimacy challenges that couples bring to your practice? I'm sure it varies with age groups, population, population, male, female. I mean, there's so many avenues that we could explore. Yeah. But what do you find is the most common?

SPEAKER_02 6:22

As you're saying that, the first thing that pops into my head is the orgasm gap. And so what that is, is that men typically orgasm more than females do. So it creates a gap in our experiences. So heterosexual relationships, there's a lot of um maybe resentment towards why are they getting to achieve their pleasure, but I I didn't get to have my experience. And so kind of being able to touch on those different needs, different desires. I know a lot of um something else that comes to mind is the difference between spontaneous desire and responsive desire.

SPEAKER_03 7:03

So tell us about that.

SPEAKER_02 7:05

Yes, spontaneous desire is what we typically think of whenever we think of somebody wanting sex. And it's just instantly when we think about it and we're in the mood, like we're in the right moment to do it, we should probably want like that's what spontaneous desire is. Versus responsive desire is somebody's body needs to respond to emotional connection, maybe kissing, touching, cuddling, and then they're wanting to move forward with sex. And so being able to understand that not all of us instantly want to have sex, and that doesn't mean that something's wrong with our partner. It means that we need to understand our own desires, our own arousals, those things.

Spontaneous vs Responsive Desire

SPEAKER_03 7:48

So interesting. Well, thank you for clearing that up. How closely connected? It's it's perfect with that answer. Brings me to my next question. How closely connected are physical health, nervous system regulation, and sexual wellness? And I think a lot of that, like the spontaneity of sex, like physical health, but also nervous system regulation along with that, and how does that overall change sexual wellness?

Stress, Pain, And Nervous System Links

SPEAKER_02 8:18

Um, I would say that they're all interconnected together. And so if you are having some nervous system issues and you're constantly stressed, that's gonna impact your wanting to have sex. And if you are in pain, if you are physically, you know, exhausted, you're maybe not gonna want to have sex, and that's normal. Um, and so being able to take care of yourself first and foremost, and then being able to have that pour out onto your sexuality and you being able to enjoy your sex life because it's normal for you to be exhausted and to not want to go have sex. And I think people pressure themselves in that way of I should be wanting to do this, even though there's so many factors in their life that it makes sense that they're not wanting this right now, and they need to be able to relax and to push these things aside to be able to kind of focus in on their sex life.

SPEAKER_03 9:15

Yeah, makes sense. I know in my field of chiropractic, you wouldn't believe how many people either hurt their back during sex or if they're having pain, they come to me and just in tears. Yeah, I can't have sex with my husband because my back hurts so much or my neck hurts so much. And I mean, physical health, physical wellness, it really does have an emotional toll sometimes. It takes that toll on people because I've seen that part of it in my practice. Yeah. So, um, with that said, what about the role of stress? We all have stress in our lives. Oh, yeah. What role does stress play in intimacy and desire? And I know you kind of touched on that with if you're exhausted, sometimes you're just not gonna want to feel like having sex. But how does that how does that affect a relationship?

Sexual Health As Part Of Wellness

SPEAKER_02 10:12

I think it has the potential to definitely affect the relationship, especially if we're not educated on these things of stress impacts your sex life, and that if you are in a stressful environment, if you are under constant stress, it makes sense that your body is not in a place of rest, relaxation, ready for pleasure. And so giving, I guess, people the permission and the space to um to deal with that stress, to understand that their body is is worth having that moment to relax and to help them to be able to kind of prioritize their nervous system relaxation so that they can get to a place of what do I enjoy? And being able to get to a place of excitement and play in that way.

SPEAKER_03 11:09

Right, not like, okay, six o'clock, I'm gonna finish the dishes, we're gonna have sex at seven.

SPEAKER_02 11:14

Right, that's not working, and that's fair, and I but I think people expect it to work that way, and that's the problem is that our body is not a machine. We can't just okay, now let me, we have to actually very naturally unwind and be able to get into that playful mindset, that zone, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:33

So, with also playing a part with physical health, why is sexual health an important part of overall well-being and not a separate issue or a separate topic? How does it all come together as one?

SPEAKER_02 11:49

That's a good question. I, you know, sex is it releases endorphins and it it actually, there's so many studies that show how positive of an effect um orgasms and sex has in our lives. And so being able to incorporate that with our wellness routine and seeing it as a part of our wellness routine, I think could shift um how we see it as a whole part of wellness.

SPEAKER_03 12:16

Do you know about the study that was done, maybe it was in the 50s, about the man who um invented the vibrator? Yes, yes. Okay, so when you said that, and look, I'm trying to whisper. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 12:31

I see it already. You're like, oh, I'm kidding. Catholic school growing.

Chemistry, Safety, And Social Media Illusions

SPEAKER_03 12:35

It's it's normal, yeah. You see, um, but once that invention happened, they realized those endorphins and these women that were so stressed out that it actually changed not only their sexual health, but their overall health and well-being. So you're familiar with that?

SPEAKER_02 12:53

Yes, yes, absolutely. And I I wish more people were familiar with that.

SPEAKER_03 12:58

Well, it made um it when I read about it, it it made sense to me because of course I'm all science. Um, but it made sense to me because you know, being raised Catholic and being raised in a community where you do not say the word sex, right? Um, you just don't talk about that. Yeah, you know, and sometimes uh things like that need to be brought to the forefront. 100%. Yeah. So so I thought that was an interesting uh topic since you brought that up. Yeah. And why do so many people so many people confuse sexual chemistry with emotional safety? I don't want to say that again. Why do so many people confuse sexual chemistry with emotional safety? Because those two things could be very separate, yeah, but also hmm.

SPEAKER_02 13:50

That's a great question. And as you're talking about that, it's making me think of like social media and and how things are portrayed versus how they're felt, right? It's a lot of times we look at how how does this look instead of how does this feel for me. And I think that that's maybe if I don't know if that answers your question or not, but being able to, I think that we were searching for it to look a certain way rather than checking in with ourselves and seeing is this person emotionally hitting my needs just as much as maybe checking off some other boxes as well.

Talking About Sex Without Shame

SPEAKER_03 14:28

That's stability for sure. And how can couples talk about sex without turning it into a conflict or or shame? Uh-huh. Um again, I keep going back to my past because of shame that was uh involved with any mention of that word. Yes, but I'm sure it's a tough subject for couples to talk about. So how do you work between conflict and shame?

SPEAKER_02 14:52

Yeah, honestly, I I have a similar background for you of growing up in Catholic faith and so being um not exposed to comprehensive sex education. And so I I think the biggest um in my in my office is being able to educate the couple on the comprehensive sex education part of it, the anatomy part of it, normalizing these things. And honestly, I find that the more that I am just talking about it matter of fact, it makes them feel more comfortable. Um, but I also recommend things like podcasts, like there is a Sex with Emily podcast as a great resource for couples to listen and being able to hear somebody else talk about these topics and then being able to reflect on these topics together. Um, another little tip is to have these conversations in the car so that y'all are in the same place, but you're not necessarily folk um facing each other and having eye contact. So it makes it easier for people to have these types of conversations with each other.

Desire As Symptom And Practical Fixes

SPEAKER_03 15:58

I like that. In the car, okay. Um, and also with children. Yeah. Like a parent, if it's excruciatingly painful for them to discuss sex in the car. You're not facing each other. I can look out the window and pretend this isn't happening, but yes, um, you're still listening and the conversation is still taking place. So yep, still they are listening, I promise. And is low desire really the problem, or is it a symptom of something else? Or how do we know? Such a great question.

SPEAKER_02 16:31

I feel like we focus so much on desire. So much on desire. Um, and honestly, I would say that it is. I think that if we shift our focus from desire and focus, like you said, on something else of what would need to take place in order for our sex life to blossom. You know, maybe it's having those real conversations of, well, we need to have a date night again. We need to find child care, we need to um get out of the house and go to a hotel or something, making practical tips and things for couples to kind of prioritize their connection together. Um, it's gonna it gets pushed on the back burner a lot of times, and we'll get to it later. And and I think that it's important for people to realize that that is an important part of their relationship. Yeah, we all need to be reminded of that.

Control, Presence, And Scheduling

SPEAKER_03 17:26

How does control or lack thereof control show up in the bedroom without people realizing it? Ooh, control. And control can mean a lot of different things, but huh?

SPEAKER_02 17:40

When I think about that, I think about the people that tell me that they like can't get out of their head in the bedroom. Like they're they're trying to control the circumstances and everything, and so it's hard for them to be present in their body. Um, so I don't know if that answers your question or if that's if that touches on it, but being able to um first of all recognize that I am trying to control certain situations instead of being present in what's going on.

SPEAKER_03 18:08

And relax.

SPEAKER_02 18:09

Um, and then getting curious about what's happening that's making me feel like I need to control the situation instead of just relaxing, because there might be a very valid reason why you've put that protection in place, and so you're able to talk about that and find a way to be able to be comfortable for both of you.

SPEAKER_03 18:26

Yeah, and just let it happen naturally.

SPEAKER_02 18:29

Yeah, or schedule it. I know that's a controversial thing, but sometimes it doesn't happen naturally.

SPEAKER_03 18:35

And well, that's yeah, that was one of my questions. Um, I've heard that before. I've heard people say, uh yes, we are having a date night, and after dinner on Friday, that is our date night. We used to date when we were younger, do it just like that. Yeah.

Vulnerability, Attachment, And Long-Term Intimacy

SPEAKER_02 18:51

And actually, I have a like another little tip for people that I've heard is to prioritize sex before the date. So many times we go out, we eat this big dinner, we're feeling all bloated and tired, and the last thing we want to do when we get home is to have sex with our partner. And so that's where we a lot of times kind of push it aside. And so if we prior, if we have sex first and then we go out on the date, that that allows it to be a part of that date night more consistently, right?

SPEAKER_03 19:24

Okay, that makes sense. And why is vulnerability often more erotic than confidence? Oh because that word vulnerability really, when I was thinking of my questions for you, really stood out.

SPEAKER_02 19:38

Yeah, I like that. I love that question. I think that I think people can fake confidence, and I don't think people can fake vulnerability. And so I think that's a great answer. Being able to be vulnerable with someone is is so intimate in itself.

SPEAKER_03 19:54

Emotionally vulnerable. That's hard, that's hard to do, right? Yeah, it uh takes a lot of trust. And what's the difference between wanting someone and wanting to be wanted by someone?

SPEAKER_02 20:08

Oh wanting someone and wanting to be wanted by someone.

SPEAKER_03 20:14

What do you mean? Kind of like that, um, not the control question, but we all want to be wanted, right? How does that work as far as um like difficult relationships or relationships relationships that aren't necessarily healthy and we just people constantly, oh, I want that person to want me.

Sex And Aging Myths

SPEAKER_02 20:34

Okay. I would say look into attachment styles. Um, whenever about that. So attachment styles are um what comes up from our caregivers, how we were brought up. And so if our caregivers met our needs consistently as we were growing up, we develop a secure attachment style. Versus if our caregivers were not able to meet our needs consistently, whether for whatever reason, we develop an insecure attachment style, which might be anxiously attached or avoidantly attached. And so these might be some of the people that whenever a conflict comes up, they I need to get this answered really quickly. This has to happen. I I can't rest until something happens, or the people that I'm just leaving and we're not having this conversation at all. And so I would say to work with a therapist on your attachment styles and being able to understand how that impacts your life so that you can figure out how that's showing up in your relationship.

SPEAKER_03 21:34

What does healthy intimacy really look like over time? Not just in the beginning when it's fun, when you're going on dates and you have all that fun stuff going on. And then as time moves on, how does that change?

Trauma, Safety, And Patient Pace

SPEAKER_02 21:49

That is a great question. I think first and foremost, recognizing that that's a thing. So many people get nervous whenever that spontaneity and that excitement phase kind of fizzles. Um, but I think constant communication and constantly prioritizing each other's needs and checking in, right? Whether that be um, you know, I I love the little card games that people do together and they're able to kind of um whether it be five years into their relationship or 40 years into their relationship, being able to ask each other these questions back and forth and play together so that they can understand each other for the long haul. And I think being able to constantly learn about each other is how you grow together, how you um love one another, getting to know how the other person needs to be loved, you know, what are their love languages? Yes, and um are you showing up for them in the way that they need? Are they showing up for you in the way that you need and being open to talk about that? You know, I think a lot of times we kind of push that down of oh, well, I'm not really getting my needs met, but it maybe it's okay, I won't say anything, but that might build. And so being able to openly communicate about these things and knowing that there's nothing wrong with us for having issues, we're human, we're living our life, right? And we we're growing together. So there's gonna be some hiccups along the way. Let's learn how to do these. And um, so I think that that learning how to do that is communicating and and learning how to resolve conflicts before they grow and grow and grow into something that you're resenting the other person. Communicate, yeah, communicate. Communication is lubrication.

SPEAKER_03 23:32

Oh my gosh. Do you have a t-shirt? If you don't, I'm getting one that's that is from Sex with Emily.

SPEAKER_02 23:37

I cannot make that okay.

Lube, Toys, And Letting Go Of Pressure

SPEAKER_03 23:38

Okay, we can't take credit, but it is. Yeah, yeah, it's a beautiful, beautiful saying. Yes. Oh, that's funny. Well, I I like it. And what myths about sex and aging would you like to debunk?

SPEAKER_02 23:52

Mmm. That there's no age that you stop having sex, that you get to decide what you want your sex life to look like, and it can evolve with you throughout the age. And actually, I'm hearing more people in their 50s and 60s say that their sex life is getting better because they're having these types of conversations and they're actually able to know themselves more now in this season of life. So they're able to communicate that with a partner and they're able to grow from that and try new things. And that shame and embarrassment goes out the door.

SPEAKER_03 24:26

Right. So some of that communication is easier, I'm sure, for some people. But and how do past experiences on a more uh somber note, um, even trauma, how does that show up in a person's intimate life? Um, absolutely, it shows up.

Consent Education From Early Childhood

SPEAKER_02 24:42

Um how it shows up, it it kind of varies. Everybody experiences trauma differently, and so for some people, they might have had a sexually traumatic experience and they kind of they push back from sex and they avoid those types of things. Sometimes that makes people want to do it more, and so it it everybody kind of responds differently to trauma. I think it's I think it's the same in sex as as trauma is outside of sex, is getting curious about where did this trauma come from and learning how to feel safe in your body again after this traumatic experience and being with a partner that is willing to understand that and to figure out what you need to be able to feel comfortable and to get to that place. Yeah, and be patient.

SPEAKER_03 25:38

Yes. Um, what's one uncomfortable truth about sex that could actually set people free that they're listening today? Something that's uncomfortable, and you can tell us all don't be uncomfortable. This is everyone are people need to use more lube.

SPEAKER_02 25:58

Like, I don't know why people are scared of feeling like in your practice. I I just I not that I'm hearing that people are using it, I'm hearing that they're not, you know, and so we we feel like, oh, maybe I I'm too dry down there, maybe something's going on, and this could be eliminated by us adding something to the equation. I think that there's so much pressure that we put on ourselves. And so I want to tell people to add lube, add toys, add things to this equation that makes it more fun for you. There's nothing wrong with you for needing to add things. I like to say if you add seasoning to your food, but you still eat it, it doesn't mean that the food was gross. You just are taste putting it to your taste buds. Same thing with sex toys and lubrication.

What Healing Looks Like Over Time

SPEAKER_03 26:48

Okay, we just got a good reel right there. That's hilarious. Okay, what's my next question? Okay, I really wanted to know what your answer was to this one. What is the one thing that you wish people were taught about sex earlier in life? I know every parent education said everyone has a different opinion on this. But what is your opinion as a sex positive therapist? When should we start teaching about sex?

Self-Trust, Language, And The Vulva

SPEAKER_02 27:17

Hmm. I love that. I think that consent starts from very, very, very early age. And I think that it can be practiced in non-sexual ways that people don't even realize. Um, I think about that with like animals, for example. If you have a small child and you have, let's say, a cat and they're approaching the cat and the cat kind of pulls back, being able to teach the kid, you know, oh, it looks like they're not wanting to be touched right now. Let's give them some space. Okay. And being able to model those things at a young age. And then as they get to an appropriate age where they're able to talk about more sex things, being able to use actual sex anatomy terms, um, being able to talk about these things in a question-answer tone and being able, I think more so for parents and people talking to kids about sex, being mindful about their opinions about sex and what they're putting on the conversation. And so a lot of times having to whoop, I'm feeling really uncomfortable right now because of how sex was in my upbringing. Let me take some deep breaths real quick and get curious about what my child is actually asking me right now so that I can answer their question and not put all of my fear around sex or my shame around sex on this question.

SPEAKER_03 28:40

Yeah. Sure. That's that's a great answer. And how does healing look like when it comes to a sexual or relational wound? We talked about trauma a little bit earlier. How does healing look like?

SPEAKER_02 28:54

Accepting that you might have some hiccups along the way, and that is normal. Um that's life, right? That you um I think healing is is getting curious about what's going on without judging. You know, um, instead of trying to run away from I might have a problem getting curious about, hmm, seems like something's going on, what's happening? Can I get some support with this? Um, instead of judging ourselves for maybe not being at the place that we thought we would be. Or I think so many couples think that every other couple is having all of this sex. And so being able to just know that that's not true. You know, we're all we're all kind of in the same boat, we all need to figure out what works best for us and not compare ourselves to other people, yes, in a non-judgmental way.

SPEAKER_03 29:50

And what role does self-trust and self-awareness play in intimacy? Ooh, a a huge role.

Play, Weekly Check-Ins, And Enjoyment

SPEAKER_02 30:00

Self-trust and self-awareness. Um I would say that you need to be self-aware to be able to have these types of conversations. It's gonna be hard to get to a place of communicating about your intimacy if you're struggling to be aware about how you show up in these intimacy struggles. Makes sense, yeah. Um, and so yeah, I think that's maybe step number one is can you get aware of your your own self and then let's get curious about the other layers. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 30:32

Look in the mirror first, right? And what is one word that you wish people would stop associating with sex? Oh sex like dirty. That would probably be Yeah, I'm I'm throwing one out there that I've heard through the, you know.

SPEAKER_02 30:54

No, I would say that that's a really good one. I I like that one because it's I I think that people using that term dirty, it gets like it it makes it more like, oh, we can't talk about this, you know. And so being able to children and adults, right?

SPEAKER_03 31:10

You know, if child if children hear that word, then they think, oh, that's something to be ashamed of. Right. Or we don't talk about that, or yeah, whatever the case. So I'm I don't want to put words in your word.

Resources, Inclusivity, And Local Care

SPEAKER_02 31:21

No, that was an excellent word because I couldn't think of one myself, but that that's a beautiful, beautiful word that I wish people would like, no, it's just sex people.

SPEAKER_03 31:31

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And what is one word you wish people would start associating with sex?

SPEAKER_02 31:39

I wish more people would associate the word vulva with sex instead of vagina. Why? Because so many people just say penis vagina, and that is just talking about reproductiveness whenever we talk about sex. And so being able to teach women, especially vulva owners, especially, that it's called a vulva and that there the there's a part in there that is your vagina, but the the whole makeup of it is the vulva. And so being able to get curious about it, because a lot of female nerve endings and pleasure comes from the other areas of the vulva besides the vagina. And so I think that when we just associate the vagina instead of vulva, we're missing out all of these awesome nerve parts.

SPEAKER_03 32:26

Make this work, yeah. And um, I love science as a whole, so especially anatomy. So I can appreciate that answer for sure. And what would you say is the most underrated part of intimacy?

Final Message And Closing

SPEAKER_02 32:40

Hmm. I I think play. Play is a big way for us to connect and feel intimate with people. I think that sex is adult play, and I think we forget to have fun and play with each other. A lot of times we were so focused on it needs to look a certain way and we need to perform a certain way instead of we're just having fun together and enjoy it. Enjoying this, and we're seeing what feels good and what what smells good and what tastes good and all the things instead of, oh, does this look right? Is am I doing this right?

SPEAKER_03 33:18

Yeah, so many pressures. Just let that go. Yeah. And what's one small step that our listeners can take with them this week? Okay, to work towards a deeper connection with their partner.

SPEAKER_02 33:32

I think asking themselves the question, am I enjoying the sex that I'm having right now? And if the answer is yes, what are you enjoying about the sex that you're having? And if the answer is no, getting curious about what you would enjoy about sex? What do you need to add to make it more enjoyable for you? What do you need to take away that's not enjoyable for you? And so, um, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:01

Yeah, that leads to a deeper connection for sure. And what question do you wish more people had the courage to ask themselves?

SPEAKER_02 34:13

Probably that. That same question. Am I enjoying the sex that I'm having? Instead of getting curious about is this normal? Are we doing it enough times? All the things, being able to just hold on, am I having am I enjoying this? Right. Do I want to be here?

SPEAKER_03 34:31

All these different pressures. Yeah. Let it go, just just like before. And if people wanted to learn more about you or to follow you or see you at your practice, how could they do so?

SPEAKER_02 34:44

So they can follow me at um, let's see, Growth with Gabby on Instagram, or um, I am at Headspace Counseling and Recovery off of um kind of behind women's and children's and by STM in that area over there at a private practice. And so they can call the office and set up an appointment with me or consultation. I'd be happy to get them started.

SPEAKER_03 35:10

Okay, and you mentioned a little bit about your background that you were raised here in Louisiana and you were Catholic. What are your thoughts or what are your views on on that as far as either sex education or um viewing it as something shameful?

SPEAKER_02 35:31

I I wish that we would allow comprehensive sex education in our classrooms so that people can make their an informed decision with their values on what they want to do with sex. And so growing up in a in a Catholic environment, you're absolutely allowed to have those values and to feel that maybe you're wanting to wait until marriage. And I think that that doesn't prevent you from learning the information about sex and having accurate, comprehensive anatomy information to go off of whenever you are ready to engage in a sexual relationship.

SPEAKER_03 36:16

And do you um with sex positive therapy, do you see a lot of patients that are gay, lesbian, bisexual? Do you have all clients across the board? All across the board. Okay. I see all the people. And have you seen in your practice through those um uh patients trauma or healing? Again, being from this area? I know it's everywhere, but oh, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 36:45

I would say being in this area, especially the people that are directly from this area, there's a lot of these same types of conversations of there was shame involved with it. We're not supposed to talk about these things. Right. And so being able to um learn how to kind of remove that that shame layer of things, and then being able to to get them comfortable with actually communicating about sex so that we can talk about what they need to talk about. So I say that I do see it show up a lot in in my clients of um people that have felt repressed in in what they know about sex, and maybe that that shows up in in them feeling insecure or or whatnot. And so being able to educate them on the things that they weren't educated on so that they can now make an informed decision.

unknown 37:34

Right.

SPEAKER_03 37:34

And it's not dirty, yeah, yeah. Always, you know, sinful or or whatnot. It's um it's personal and private and intimate, and um, you know, it's individually, you know, um, it's individually made for everyone. So and one final message. Okay. I know we've covered a lot of ground today, but if you had one final message to leave us with, what would it be?

SPEAKER_02 38:02

Um don't be afraid to explore your sex life. It is a very important part of yourself, and you deserve to learn about yourself and what you enjoy and what you find pleasurable. And so, um, yeah, I hope that it gives people the courage to to just get curious about themselves, even if it's women looking at themselves in the mirror tonight, you know, just one little thing of oh, this is this is okay, this is normal, I'm allowed to do this.

SPEAKER_03 38:34

Yes, and sex is to be enjoyed, yeah, yes to be enjoyed, it's pleasurable life. Yeah. So um, well, thank you. Thank you so much for being here.

SPEAKER_02 38:44

Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_03 38:45

But my last question of the day is always Okay, how do you maintain your posture while pursuing your purpose in life? Good question.

SPEAKER_02 38:53

Um, I would say being able to remind myself of maybe individuals that didn't have this type of um this type of model, this type of resource, and and being able to remind myself that I can be that for somebody else in the future of normalizing sexuality and making people feel comfortable with being a human that enjoys sex.

SPEAKER_03 39:23

Yes, and that it's safe and that it's to be enjoyed. Yeah, so good. Thank you so much for being here today. Thank you. I've learned so much. I hope our listeners have learned a lot as well. And until next time, sit up straight, stay happy, stay healthy, and stay adjusted.

SPEAKER_00 39:38

Thanks for listening to the Posture and Purpose Podcast with Dr. Michelle Carr Frank. Make sure to subscribe on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts. Until next time.