From Louisiana To Hollywood Through Sheer Grit

He left Louisiana with a dream, showed up in New York with about $900, and refused to quit even when the “plan” looked ridiculous from the outside. That stubbornness turned into a working acting career, years on major sets, and a front-row education in how success really works when the cameras are off. We talk with actor John Valdetero about the grit behind the glamour and the moments that shape a life more than any credit ever could.

John walks us through the early identity that formed him, the hunger of the New York grind, and the surprising Europe chapter filled with commercial work, travel, and lessons in flexibility. From there, the conversation lands in Hollywood, including the long arc of Coach and the instant that stopped time for him: standing on stage with Tim Conway and being transported back to childhood nights watching comedy with his mom. We also dig into what “old Hollywood” sold versus what his generation had to earn, plus why he never let himself believe he had fully arrived.

Some of the most powerful stories are personal: sharing a truth with John Lithgow that changed how Lithgow spoke about Footloose for decades, a jaw-dropping World War II family connection that resurfaces on a soundstage, and the emotional cost of taking on a dark role meant to protect kids online. John also opens up about leaving LA to come home, raising his kids with real roots, and maintaining posture and purpose after an above-the-knee amputation.

If you care about resilience, reinvention, faith, and living on purpose, hit subscribe, share this with a friend, and leave a review so more people can find the show.

Transcript

Welcome And Guest Setup

SPEAKER_05 0:00

Lotto for Dutch television, oddly enough. Still remember one of the lines.

SPEAKER_01 0:05

I was gonna ask you, Stu, how many languages do you speak?

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Welcome to Posture and Purpose, where both healing and community come together. Make sure to subscribe on Apple, Spotify, and YouTube. Let's get into this episode with Dr. Michelle Car Frank.

SPEAKER_02 0:22

Today's guest has lived a life filled with unforgettable chapters. From bright Hollywood lights, iconic television sets, to deeply personal battles that revealed a whole different kind of strength. John Valdotero built a successful acting career, appearing in beloved shows like Coach, Murphy Brown, Two and a Half Men, Third Rock from the Sun, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Jag, The Drew Carey Show, and many, many more. But today's conversation goes far beyond television. It's about resilience, identity, coming home, redemption, and discovering who you truly are when life changes everything. John's journey is one of courage, reinvention, humor, heartbreak, and hope. And I'm honored to share this story with you today. So welcome, my friend John Valdotero.

SPEAKER_05 1:20

Thank you, Michelle. You made me sound really good. Like it's like I'm going, who is that guy? I'd like to meet him.

SPEAKER_02 1:26

It's you. It's you. So thank you. So you've lived a life that is, you know, what most people would see, you know, as a dream or on the stage or in the movies. Um quite a story that you have. So before acting credits started, who was John Valdotero?

Small-Town Identity And Early Dreams

SPEAKER_05 1:45

John Valdotero's identity was um Antoine and Jean's youngest of six, but an only child. Um my parents were both married before, and their first mates died. So they, dad had three sons, mom had a son and a daughter. They met and married, and then they had me. So I was the kind of the bond between the two sides, right? Um my identity was sports and and and academics, you know. Um I was look back on and it's like it's kind of it's almost to me I kind of like it's a little cheesy, but Mr. Jiddings High School, most all that all the accolades the most likely to succeed, and I guess I would, you know, people would go, he was a failure. No, I I'm just kidding. Um it's um yeah, it was my the two dreams of my life were to play football in the NFL and then use that to become an actor. Okay. And um, as you'll find out in a little bit, I didn't get a good enough left knee because I'm now without it, but um I played an NFL football coach on TV for two and a half years, so kind of made it.

SPEAKER_02 2:49

This is true, yes. So, what brought you from Jennings, Louisiana to New York City? How did that transition occur?

SPEAKER_05 2:57

Well, I went to a um

The $900 Move To New York

SPEAKER_05 3:00

weekend seminar in Atlanta for, you know, like they hold these seminars, how to get break into the entertainment business. Back then they did. And it was it was more uh more or less a trip um just to hang out with a couple of buddies of mine, right? But um it sparked something in me, like the seminar wasn't very good, but I was like I was in college um doing what I was supposed to do. Supposed to do, right? And I, you know, that fire had burned within me, and I just wasn't happy, I was miserable. Well, I had a whopping total of $900, a suitcase, a hanging bag. I bought a plane ticket um besides the $900. And one of the guys that was at the seminar was from New York, his mom lived in Soho, and I called Rob and I said, Um, hey man, I'm moving up. Uh, do you got the only place I can rent? He goes, Well, let me talk to my mom. So she let me stay in in the basement of her brownstone in Soho for about a month. And um overnight I went from sleeping in the bedroom that I grew up in, and the next night I was in on a cot in a basement in Soho. No culture shock at all.

SPEAKER_02 4:11

No, not for this southern boy, not no, no, not a bit. And so the acting uh seminar in Atlanta, did that spark some type of interest in acting, or was it your friend?

SPEAKER_05 4:23

It was always there, Michelle. Like I it's so strange. I can remember, um, and it's so funny because I watched I watched it again at Easter, the movie The Ten Commandments. So it shall be written, so it shall be done, right? Um, I can remember as a little tiny boy, six years old, sitting in front of the TV, watching it, and somehow I understood that it was created. Like, where did they get all those people and the animals and where they build this rep, you know? I understood that, and it sparked something in me then that I wanted to do. Um that young. And I'm just, you know, um, I've always loved storytellers. I grew up at the feet of some of the greatest storytellers. Your dad's a pastor, and you go to church camp and all those things, you're around all that. And um, you know, as far as the acting, I never got in it to be famous. Some people, it's about becoming a star. Others want the riches with it, right? Sure. For me, it's what I shared with you uh before. It was about um the process, it was about creating art. And as an actor, I look at it this way: I'm creating a piece of art that lives, breathes, thinks, feels, moves, reacts, and is proactive. It's alive. And you're portraying a life, even when you go a little far out there, like on Third Rock or yes, dear, playing a gorilla from Planet of the Apes. That was that was pretty fun.

SPEAKER_02 5:50

It sounds fun.

SPEAKER_05 5:51

Yeah, it was great.

SPEAKER_02 5:52

Was there a moment when you were in New York that you realized, okay, I can actually do this?

SPEAKER_05 5:57

I never believed that I couldn't. There's always those doubts whenever you're young. But the one gift that God really gave me that carried me through was I've very hard-headed. Um and I just, you know, it's like, if other people can do it, why can't I do it? Um and even as tough, some of the times got tough, uh, you know, I shared that with you. I lied my way into a bartending job at 19.

SPEAKER_04 6:22

Oh, we've been drinking. I've been bartending in Louisiana since I was 16.

SPEAKER_05 6:26

Um, right. Did you get the job? I got the job. But it was at a uh five-star restaurant, and um there was like 60 seats in the bar. And for the first two years, everything I made went to because I'm I living in New York City City can get tiring. Even if you have the weekend off, you're still in the city to go get groceries, you're always in New York City. So um that my buddy Rob, his sister became a policewoman in Mount Kisko, New York, and she bought a house there, and she needed some housemates. So I moved up, and it was 50 minutes on Metro North in Westchester County. So everything I made went to pay for my train commute daily. Oh gosh. Um, food, and of course, an apartment. My roommate became the head chef at the restaurant. Eric's still one of my dear friends. Um, but for the first couple of years, all I had to eat really, people left a piece of steak or a shrimp on their plate when I cleared it. That's what I had to eat. And I would not, as I told you, I would not trade that for anything.

SPEAKER_02 7:31

That's tough.

SPEAKER_05 7:32

It's tough, but that's what makes you.

SPEAKER_02 7:34

Yeah, the reality of that hardship.

SPEAKER_05 7:36

Whatever you believe in, you have to be willing. You know, you could if you really are gonna make the choice to go for it, you have to be willing to risk everything. Yeah, and that's one thing that you know, I'm one of those people that I will think through things, but I have always had the ability to go, I'm all in. It's either the big pot or nothing.

SPEAKER_02 8:00

Right. And that's probably what carried you along a lot of times.

SPEAKER_05 8:03

Got me a lot of trouble, too. Sure, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:05

We're not gonna tell those stories. Win wins and losses, right? So, what brought you to from New York to Hollywood?

SPEAKER_05 8:11

Well, I let's see. I finished uh acting school uh about four and a half years, and I wanted to study European television and film. So um I did the same thing again. Um, I packed my bags and didn't know anybody there this time. I had a little more cash, uh, but I only brought enough. I brought about five grand. I wanted to have to earn a living, but to give me enough to kind of transition. Yeah. And bought a plane ticket to Milan, Italy, and went there and um ended up having an apartment

Europe Work And Dutch Commercials

SPEAKER_05 8:40

in Milan and one in Paris. And for two years I worked in Germany, Italy, Holland, Spain, and France. Um, I didn't always, like I said, it didn't always look this way. I did the collections for the designers, which was kind of like live theater. And they loved me because I wasn't that, you know, model. I was an actor, really. Um, but I was tall and skinny, so you know, they the they loved how the clothes hung. But um, I did that to earn a living. I think I did a little over 60 commercials during that time. Um, a lot of them for Dutch television, oddly enough. Still remember one of the lines Veinbrengen Lane Nustimoda.

SPEAKER_01 9:16

I was gonna ask you. So how many languages do you speak to?

SPEAKER_05 9:19

Yeah, but it's um, and then I I was really blessed. I got a job with the top celebrity and musician photographer in all of Europe. Her name was Daniela Skatamutsa as her assistant. And it was great because Daniela would not fly and she wouldn't take a train. So she had a big giant Volvo station wagon, and we would load it up and get on the Audubon and drive to Dusseldorf or whatever city and go to the hotel and shoot Bon Jovi at the hotel and then backstage and then on stage. You're killing me. I mean, it it was an awesome experience.

SPEAKER_02 9:50

You're killing me. Just rub it in. That's just uh now I'm joking.

SPEAKER_05 9:53

It was just my life, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 9:54

It's like but what about your first time stepping onto a television set? Do you remember the first time? And you remember which set it was?

SPEAKER_05 10:03

I I was I was very well, the first job I ever did, it's and thank God I've never seen this. Um I was still in New York, and I got a commercial for the yellow pages, and it was going to be shot in Boston, and it was about two degrees. And I was an actual page from the yellow page. They had made a phone page, and I had on a yellow like leotard suit with yellow face paint, and I was talking to people on the street, and it was like two degrees. Two degrees, yeah. It's like fun stuff. Oh man. Um, but you know,

First Sets And The Coach Door Opens

SPEAKER_05 10:35

in Hollywood, um, I was very blessed. I was back here, came back home after I left Europe, came back home and married the most beautiful woman I ever saw. Be 37 years is November. She's from Lake Arthur.

SPEAKER_02 10:47

A big city.

SPEAKER_05 10:48

And she, in her own right, Jackie's one of the premier haircutters in North America. She's traveled all over the world. She's a teacher, Sassun.

SPEAKER_02 10:56

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_05 10:56

Um, she works for Neil Corporation in Hammond, and um, so I consider her the artist, right? Yes. But um, we got married and we were planning on moving to LA in about a year. And then a buddy of mine uh called and said, Hey, listen, um, there's a mini-series being shot, and there's no parts for you, but Craig T. Nelson is the star, and he needs a stunt double and photo double um while he's doing it. And would you be interested? So I went to my boss, who his name was Jerry Amaroso, who back in the 70s was the lead of uh singer or drummer of a band called Pot Liquor. So Jerry still had those dreams and aspirations that maybe someday he'd become a rock star.

SPEAKER_01 11:39

Right.

SPEAKER_05 11:40

Um, you know, even though he was like losing it. I love Jerry. Um anyway, he was like, Man, man, you gotta do it. So um he let me go do it, and I was only supposed to work on it for three weeks, I think. It was shot in Morgan City. And about two or three days before they wrapped down here and they were gonna go to New Mexico, um, Craig's assistant Dusty said, Hey, uh, boss wants to talk to you at lunchtime. I'm like, Okay. So I go sit down with him and have lunch, and he goes, Uh, what are your plans? And I told him, and he goes, Well, why don't you come out in a couple of months and go to work for me? That was the greatest blessing because on coach, I actually started working on the show in season five. Um I was his stunt double stand-in photo double for 16 years. Even after I became a working actor, he he's like my professional father, right? And the influence of him on my professional life is just untold. Um, and the great part about it is Craig directed about half of the episodes of Coach.

SPEAKER_03 12:42

Really?

SPEAKER_05 12:42

So the weeks that he directed, even before I was on the show, um, I would do all of the rehearsal time as Craig doing Hayden. And I got so good at it, he would he would like uh he would get mad at me, right? But it was great training because what other opportunity do you get to like have that kind of rehearsal time on a top 10 TV show?

SPEAKER_02 13:01

Right. Um and was that the moment where you felt like I've arrived?

SPEAKER_05 13:05

No, no, the moment I felt like I arrived, um my mother, when she was married to her first husband, um, they were very, very poor. And peep they lived in a trailer park, sorry. Um, and um people in the park felt so sorry for him because they had two kids, they didn't have much, they pulled their money together and bought them tickets to a dinner comedy show in San Diego. And it featured a brand new comic named Tim Conway. Oh, wow. So from the time I was probably in her womb, um Tim Conway was everything every Saturday night, sitting in front of the TV watching Carol Burnett. And that formed me a lot as well.

SPEAKER_02 13:46

Oh my gosh. Um those of you who don't know what the Carol Burnett show is, please go back and watch.

SPEAKER_05 13:52

Oh my god, like Mrs. Tudbone, Mr.

SPEAKER_02 13:55

Oh, it was the best. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_05 13:57

Or the well, I'll get to the the skit anyway, uh, in a second. But um the moment that I've I realized it, because what happens in life when we're pursuing a dream is the dream always progresses, right? And we shot each episode of Coach in front of a live audience at three o'clock on Friday, and then and seven o'clock, same episode, two different audiences. And the three o'clock episode would be most of the tourist people on the tram, stuff like that. The seven o'clock would be network executives, studio executives, family, especially for someone like Tim. But those five days, um, this is whenever I was now uh one of the coaches on the show. Those five days of rehearsal, Bill Fagerbachie that played Halberg, more than once he and I had to go, I we got to go off state because like we couldn't breathe. We were laughing. Because Tim Calm would start ad-living. And Jerry Van Dyke was very kind of jealous because he was he always saw himself as Dick's little brother, even though during the years of coach, Jerry was the more famous one, but he never write. So um Craig would add him on and go, Jerry, you're not gonna let him do that, are you? So then Jerry would start ad-living, and it was hilarious. Didn't hit me at the three o'clock show. And by the way, Tim Conway won an Emmy for best comedic guest star on that episode. Oh played Kenny the Gardner, who was a Vietnam veteran who had flashbacks, um, and he killed everything, which is hilarious.

SPEAKER_02 15:27

But um I have to go watch it.

SPEAKER_05 15:29

The seven o'clock show, we rap filming, and there's all they always had like a what they call a warm-up comic in the stands, and then it was packed that night. And we shot the show on film. So you had the big Panavision camera on the dolly, you had the camera operator, the focus puller, and the dolly operator. And we had four of those. And you know, they were playing the music. And the warm-up comic said, Ladies and gentlemen, on your feet, and it's Coach John, John Valdadero. You know, I go out, take my bow, and it's stage 43 at Universal Studios, and as Kenny the Gardener, Mr. Tim Conway. And Michelle, when I turned, and I realized Tim Conway's moment. And I know people go, oh, it's kind of like when you get in a car wreck, everything slows down.

SPEAKER_02 16:19

Pinch yourself.

SPEAKER_05 16:19

Right. And for that moment, I real I went back to being that little boy wearing my arching manning pajamas, watching the show with mom on Saturday nights, and then everything I had been through up to that point. That morning, when I pulled up to the gates at Universal, I get to go to the special gate. Good morning, Mr. Valatero. Good morning, guys. How you doing?

Tim Conway And Remember To Live

SPEAKER_05 16:40

I had a parking spot with my name on it, a dressing room, and a golf cart. And that moment really hit me hard about being aware of where you're at. Right? Be in the moment. Be in the moment. And it's um, you know, it's Cicero wrote a um an essay about 2,000 years ago in Rome because he observed some things about people, and that was that the successful people had a tendency to always go, well, you know, whenever I get this business grown or I get this amount of money or this amount of land or power, whatever it was, then I'll be able to do what I want to do. And they never did. And he he termed them people who were busy without a purpose, right? But the most devastating part of it is um he he short phrase that's the Italians still use it today, it's memento vivre, and it means remember to live. Um because there it's never a perfect time.

SPEAKER_02 17:40

That's good advice. It's never a perfect time.

SPEAKER_05 17:42

And you know, the sad part that he observed was this that at the end of the day, the worst part wasn't death, it was the fact that they never ever truly lived. Right. And I have a lifetime of stories. Yes, we we could take this, could be a series of because of so many of these experiences.

SPEAKER_02 18:04

Which cast do you feel like you have the best memories of I don't know, being fun or laughing the most on set?

SPEAKER_05 18:11

Um I would say it's bits and parts of of some. Um you know, Malcolm in the Middle was a hoot, um, as I mentioned to you. Charlie Sheen was one of the nice people I ever worked with.

SPEAKER_02 18:21

Charlie Sheen.

SPEAKER_05 18:22

Yeah. Um, I mean, like, he could have been the tiger blood, I don't know. But um he was like what my first day when I got there, we were about to do table read with producers on Monday. Because how a sitcom would go, you do table read with a script, right? Each actor. And then the producers are listening and they kind of discuss it in a little bit, and then you go home. Like Monday's like a two and a half hour day, so it was golf time. Um, and then Tuesday you rehearse, and then you do a run through for producers, same on Wednesday, Thursdays you do uh you put it to uh camera blocking, and then Friday you film it. Well, when I got there on Monday, Charlie was all the way across the sound stage at Warner, and I mean all the way across at the door on the other side, and those stages are pretty huge. And he turned and looked at and go, Oh, hey, there's our guest guy, and he came running across, hey, my name's Charlie. And I'm like, Well, hi, I'm John. You know, um, very welcoming. So are um some people would probably just the the uh mom and dad um on Malcolm in the Middle, they were the same way, they had a little gift basket for me in my trailer. I'm like, how nice is that? Um, and you never know.

Kind Stars And The Myth Of Arrival

SPEAKER_02 19:30

Yeah, sometimes that's not the experience.

SPEAKER_05 19:32

I'm gonna say it's it's not, and it's not all the time.

SPEAKER_02 19:35

And what do you feel like success looked like back then? I know you have a different perspective now because you can look back, but just getting started and knowing, hey, I've arrived, this is really working out.

SPEAKER_05 19:46

Uh, you know, honestly, Michelle, I never let myself really think that I arrived. Um, I I think that's that's a fool's errand, and it makes you, oh, okay. You know, it then it becomes about ego. Um pressure is a blessing. And, you know, when you're in the entertainment industry, um, you always when they okay, that's a show wrap on John. You're always like, Will I ever work again? Right? Oh gosh, that's stressful. I was just really because I just went literally, that was a stretch of probably sixteen years. I went from show to show to show or commercial or whatever it may be. I worked all the time. Um that's good. And um, you know, it's uh success became more about my children.

SPEAKER_02 20:36

Right. Things changed when children um enter into the story. Was there a celebrity moment besides Tim Conway that you'd like to share? I know you've worked with John Lithgow, Kurt Douglas, you mentioned before. How do you sum that up?

SPEAKER_05 20:55

Oh Michelle, I could, you know, people would go, oh God, he's annoying. Um my best friend out there, his name was Rich Hera. He was the only adopted son of Bill Hera, as in Hera's casinos. His mom was her name was Verna. She was Bill's sixth wife, and she got everything. And if you knew Verna, you would go, oh, I believe she got everything.

SPEAKER_02 21:14

Makes sense.

SPEAKER_05 21:15

Um he invited us one time to a uh dinner party at their weekend home, her weekend home in Malibu. This place was, well, I think the house was $80 million. The back walls of the house slid open. Um, the caretaker's home on the like we pull up to there's two gates. This is kind of funny, actually. We had a my wife had a geoprism, and she had run into this thing, and so the front passenger panel was dented really bad. And it would bada bada bada bada yeah, like that. So there's uh the guest gate and then the employee gate, and we pull up to the guest gate, and there's guys with like I mean, serious dudes, right? And they're looking at us like you and I roll down I roll down the window, not It rolled it down and I was like, John and Jackie Valdaterra. So he goes back to the little hut and comes back and goes, going through, sir. So we go and you have this long drive, and when you got to the main house, it was this huge circular thing, you know, in front. Well, when we I get to the circular thing, lined up all the way down to the right were like classic Mercedes Benz and Rolls-Royce's. And I mean, like you're going, oh my God, there's like millions of dollars in cars. You'll never forget. Valets are at a private party. We pulled up and like they opened the door for Jackie out of a geoprism and I handed the guy 10 bucks, like it was a big dude. And I said, Man, please parker. He goes, I got you, sir, no worries. Um, that night we had dinner with Frank Sinatra, Gregory Peck. Um that's amazing. But it's like, you know, when you meet Sinatra, it's not that big a deal.

SPEAKER_02 22:51

But uh, I'm sorry, it's big to differ.

SPEAKER_05 22:54

So some some of it, I just never got that into it.

SPEAKER_02 22:58

You didn't.

SPEAKER_05 22:58

Peck was the only person my my wife Jackie will say, that's the only time I ever saw you Starstruck. And that was when we were leaving, and I was checking to make make sure nobody else was leaving, so we could get our little prism and go. And I give, I give the when I walked out, I look down to the left, and our prism is like the third car. And I'm going, We just walked through it, but you can't. So the valet goes and gets it, and as he pulls up, I feel a shadow on my right shoulder. And I'm like, How you doing, sir? And it was a peck. And I was like, Oh my lord. He goes, Is that your car? Yeah. I don't know what he meant by this, but the the response was ballsy, very ballsy. You know, so you know, it's like moments like that. You want freaking things.

SPEAKER_02 23:47

Right, exactly. People often see glamour when they see Hollywood. You know, there's an image,

Old Hollywood Versus Earning It

SPEAKER_02 23:55

but what parts of it did you see from the inside that the world may not be aware of? What would really surprise us or maybe not surprise us so much?

SPEAKER_05 24:04

Well, first of all, there's a major difference between old Hollywood and current Hollywood, or well, when I when I was there. Um, the actors, the stars in old Hollywood were made and created by the studios. And a lot of times their whole lives were arranged for the media coverage of it. Um, you'd have a gay man and a lesbian woman that were married and suddenly had kids, but like they were staged. It's all staged. Um, and so the my generation of actors, we had to earn it. You weren't made. Um, and I never wanted to be a star, like a Hollywood. What I mean by that is um Schwarzenegger was a star. There's some substance at times in his acting, um, but you know, it was about the big name. I wanted to be, I mean, I was always put I was put into that lead role category, but I took parts that were not what lead guys would do, like The Strongman on Third Rock or The Ape from Planet of the Apes on Yes Dear, and um, you know, and and speaking of Tim Conway, I wanted to back end it with this. Um, that night after we finished filming, um, we always had like, you know, they had cocktails on the sound stage, a little food and stuff. And I went up to him and was like, Hey Tim, um, would you sign a headshot for my mom? You're her favorite actor. He goes, John, I'm so sorry, I don't have one, but give me her address and I'll send her one. And I thought, yeah, right. But I wrote it down and I handed it to him. He goes, I gotcha. The next week, on Thursday, we're camel blocking the next episode, and those were the days of flip phones. And somebody said, John, your phone's buzzing on the table. So I go and grab it and look at it, and it's my parents' home number back here in Jennings. My dad had cancer, so I thought something had happened. Oh gosh. And uh said, Guys, excuse me. I walked off the stage and I called her back and said, Mom, it's is everything okay? And she was screaming. And I'm like, Mom, is dad okay? My mother, this is how she cussed. He's a jack, you know what. Like she couldn't even say, you know. Um, but she goes, Oh, dad with your dad. He's fine. She had gotten a package from Tim, and he wrote her a letter. Um, he sent her an autographed headshot, and I still have both in my walk-in closet. And it's one of the greatest honors of my life because he told her, Not only is your son an extremely talented young man and artist, he's an even better person. Oh. And Tim and I, he ended up doing two episodes of coach. He and I were friends of the episode of Yes Dear when I was the ape. He got he played the main guy's dad and got hooked on comics and goes to a Comic-Con convention and befriends the one guy who's the ape from Planet of the Apes, right? Um, me. And two years. Yeah, and then we did a pilot together. And Tim actually, sorry, Tim actually became a mentor and and friend of mine over the time, and that was things like that. You just God works in such amazing ways.

SPEAKER_02 27:04

Speaking of that, tell us your story about John Lithgow. I would

John Lithgow And The Courage To Share

SPEAKER_02 27:10

love for you to share that story.

SPEAKER_05 27:11

Um I didn't know this um until about less than two years ago. Um, when I guess started on that show, uh there was something I wanted to tell him very badly. I wanted to thank him for. So um I shared something with him and never thought anything of it, right? And less than two years ago, my oldest brother Danny, who is my hero, of all the people I've ever known, the best man. I want to be him. I mean, he just he's my hero. Um, he calls me one night and he goes, Hey man, what's the thing with you in the movie Footloose? I'm like, Danny, I wasn't in like I hadn't even left Louisiana yet. He goes, I'm telling you, it's on YouTube. I'm like, bruh, what are you talking about? He goes, I'll send you the link. So he sends me the link, and I was like, okay, I got it. I'll watch it when we hang up. He goes, No, I want you to watch it now. Well, I'm 50 at the time was 58, um, almost 59, and I've never heard from a relative, an older male in my family the words, I'm proud of you. In fact, my father actually told me uh a month before my son was born that I was the greatest disappointment in his life.

SPEAKER_03 28:17

Oh no.

SPEAKER_05 28:17

It's okay. That was it's a blessing. It's one of the best things that ever happened to me. Um, but um, I started watching it and I'm dumbfounded. And it when it finished, I can hear him crying on the other end of the phone. And I'm speechless. And I said, dude, I don't know what to say. He goes, baby brother, I am so proud of you. And what it is, is I had shared with Lithgow the fact that when we were growing up, we weren't allowed to listen to rock and roll music in the house while dad was home. Uh we couldn't go to high school dances, even though I did. Um, but I was the first one, really, with my both parents' knowledge, that went to the high school prom. And it was because of John Lithgow's performance. When I went to see Footloose, it was like I was watching a movie version of my father. And he when he tells the story, and he's been telling this story for over 30 years, Michelle.

SPEAKER_02 29:12

We're gonna put the clip somewhere in the movie.

SPEAKER_05 29:13

Every time he's interviewed and asked about Footloose, he tells this story.

unknown 29:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 29:17

Um, and I didn't had no idea. It changed how he looked at the movie. He thought it was just a teeny bobber movie, and he goes, I realized then that every piece you do has value, and you never know when it how it's gonna affect somebody. Right. Um, and um he just um it was overwhelming, it was so humbling. It's a story about me because it is um, you know, there's things that are a little different. We weren't Baptist Church of Christ, we and it wasn't the next night, it was like a month later. And my dad actually walked out of the movie theater um because he thought I was making fun of him, and he didn't talk to me for three weeks after that. But that's okay, you know. But it's um it meant something to him, and what a great honor for me because it what it tells me is that um, and this is what my brother and I talked about later, and my wife said, she goes, You don't know how many people you you've touched with that. That one moment we hold things in the heart of our soul, our dreams, our hopes, the things that are most intimate only to us, and we're always afraid to let them out because we're we're scared somebody's gonna mock it or laugh at it or tell us it's that's ridiculous. But we have to have courage, and and I'm a as you know, I'm a man of strong faith, and you know, fear, I have no doubt, is the tool that Satan uses to attack us. Wire there 365 times and throughout the entire Bible, do not be afraid. That's one for every day. That's like you're leaving the house and your dad going, hey, don't be afraid. I know, dad. You tell me every day.

SPEAKER_02 30:58

Don't be afraid, but you're still being afraid.

SPEAKER_05 31:00

Don't be afraid, right?

SPEAKER_02 31:02

Right.

SPEAKER_05 31:03

Um it's we have to overcome that. And they're in they're put inside of us for a reason. We're all unique, we're all individual. Our fingerprints, there's none that has mine or yours, right? Right. And it's the same way with our perspective and the way we see the world. We see it uniquely. We just always want to try to fit in instead of we want to be in the box. Uh oh man, I I don't live my life in the box.

SPEAKER_02 31:32

I don't doubt it at all.

SPEAKER_05 31:33

Especially that you know, it's to great to to accomplish great things, not for my glory, but for God's glory, you have to take great risk.

SPEAKER_02 31:44

And wasn't there um, I know I made a note of it, there was someone you wanted me to mention, was a damn

A World War II Connection Resurfaces

SPEAKER_02 31:50

Dave Campbell.

SPEAKER_05 31:52

Okay, this this story oh my goodness. I had an uncle, his name was Wallace. Um, Wallace was serving, he was a Marine in World War II. And when he came back home, um he became a severe alcoholic, ended up wrapping his car around a tree. Um and I noticed as a kid growing up, every time, like it's a bit teenager, if family was over and they were talking about Wallace, and I walked into the room, my dad would shut down the conversation. Strange. Um and he would always say, Well, Wallace loved that bottle more than he loved us. So Dan was the head of the wardrobe for coach. And he and I became good friends. We played softball together, and you know, we had a lot of heart-to-heart talks, and he asked about my family, mine about his. I think it was South Dakota he grew up, um, living off the grid, never had a TV. Very different. Mom had never seen the show. Um, and he asked about my you know, parents, and so a few months later, he goes, one day, he goes, Hey man, uh my mom's coming to visit next week and get to meet her. I'm like, cool, dude. And I had asked him if his, he had asked me if my parents were in love, and I said, Well, they love each other, but they, you know, first mates were they're in love with their life. What about yours? He goes, Well, my dad's in love with my mom, like horrifically. But my mom was in love with this guy. In fact, he was a Marine from Louisiana. They think he was killed and missing in action in World War II. Never heard from him again.

SPEAKER_02 33:19

Louisiana.

SPEAKER_05 33:20

Never thought about anything. Well, uh, she comes to the show, and we had filmed the three o'clock show, and I had a meeting with my agent of what we call the Black Tower, the big building in the front of Universal City, about a movie I was going to do. So after we finished the first show, I went up to the tower and I got back late for the seven o'clock show and was the last one to go through here in makeup. And the green room was right next to the stands where all the live audience was, and the comic's going, it's like five minutes to seven. And when I walk in the green room, I stand next to Bill Fegerbach, and I'm like, Oh, is that Dan's mom? Because their backs were to me. And it was Jerry and Craig about sitting on the wall. And um, he goes, Yeah, yeah, that's that's her. And well, Dan hears that and turns around and goes, Oh, hey, mom, last one, I want you to meet my friend John. She turns around Michelle and gasped. And everybody's like, Craig goes, Well, I told you he was ugly, you know, trying to make light of it. But she got she began to cry like hysterically the whole bit. She gathers herself. Well, now it's like two minutes after seven, and they're pushing us to go out there. Craig's like, hold on a second. And she says, I'm sorry, what was your name? I said, My name was John. John, what? I said, Valdotero. And that, oh my goodness, she goes, You wouldn't have happened to have been related to a man named Wallace, would you? She was engaged to my uncle.

SPEAKER_01 34:45

Really?

SPEAKER_05 34:46

Okay, we're on Soundstage 43 at Universal Studios. If I've never left Louisiana to pursue my dream and would have quit in any time throughout that process, I wouldn't have been where I was, would never have met her. She ended up sending me photographs that no one had seen of my Uncle Wallace. They remembered after that my grandmother took a train to meet her in Chicago. They then went together to Boston to see him off. And she had photographs of that. And one of the pictures she sent me is the photograph of him in his dress green uniform. And I have it in my closet, and when people see it, they it's always the same thing. Hey bruh, when did you do a uh World War II movie? It's not I look like him, it's like Doppelganger. But God works in ways like that, that when you stop and look around, you know, if you if you don't pay attention, you think, well, he's not around here right now. I mean, he's always there. And what when you start to open your heart and your mind to things like that, you realize how how great greatly we're loved. Because that's not coincidence. That's not what it just happened to the moment for her. Oh my goodness, it was just incredible. And your family. And my family.

SPEAKER_02 36:05

Um, and um I just thought that was an incredible story.

SPEAKER_05 36:09

And if so many things happen like that, Michelle, where I just would sit back and go, What? But it's I those are the rewards for pursuing what's inside of you. Yeah, and I believe with all my heart, those the dream, you know, when you're a little kid, what do you want to be? I want to be a doctor and uh an attorney, um, the president, and a pro football player and an astronaut. You don't see limitations, right?

unknown 36:31

Right.

SPEAKER_05 36:31

By the time that same kid is in the seventh grade, what do you want to be? I don't know. Because people have told him, get your head out of the clouds.

SPEAKER_02 36:37

Yeah, dash those dreams. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 36:40

We always say, where does God live? In the clouds, right? Not really, but um those dreams are there for a reason and a purpose. They turn impossible into I'm possible. Yeah, I'm living proof, I've lived the dreams of my life.

SPEAKER_01 36:56

Amazing.

SPEAKER_05 36:57

I'm no better than anybody else, just more hard-headed, and I refuse to ever quit. You know what I mean? It's like I don't know what that word means.

SPEAKER_02 37:03

And if you could speak to the younger self, your 19-year-old self, going to New York, what would you tell him today?

SPEAKER_05 37:10

Hmm. Honestly, you're on a hell of a ride and just recognize every second and moment of it more than I did. I've always had that. Um, I'm the guy that would we would go camping every year or twice a year at Sequoia National Forest. In the spring, I would stand next to these giant sequoias that you can't even like just massive. Yeah, and they're these little three-petal flowers that grow at the base of them in the spring of every color. Imagine it's the most beautiful thing. And I would go, the same hand that made that made those. And uh it would bring me to it always has brought me to tears. My kids would always laugh, like, Dad, you like cry commercials. I do because it's uh my heart is soft.

SPEAKER_02 38:01

And you can appreciate it. But it has to be, you know. Um well, on a lighter

Funniest Set Moment He Can Tell

SPEAKER_02 38:05

note, yeah. I have a couple of questions for you, a few questions. Um and see, I want to know how you can answer these. Okay. And you can only name one. I'm nervous. One actor. I want you to name one actor who made you laugh constantly. Most entertaining for you.

SPEAKER_05 38:25

It's gotta be Conway. Okay. Um, it just the man's a genius. Classic. Him and um modern day actor, what's the guy that played? Oh shoot, I'll think of it in a second. Um, he was on The Office, the lead guy on The Office. Um, I just went blank.

SPEAKER_02 38:42

That's okay. We'll come back to it. What is the funniest memory that you have taking place on a set that you can tell us legally? There was quite a lot of people.

SPEAKER_05 38:53

There's quite a few. Um, like it there was always off scripted, that was the best. But for me personally, we're doing a Christmas episode of Coach. And the way that we had blocked it, Jerry's on one, it's a Christmas party, right? And Dick Van Dyke did a cameo, so he walks in front of Jerry, and Jerry's like, that looks familiar, right? But anyway, Jerry was just a different cat, man. He would fart and with the audience there, or like, you know, just really. Yeah, he just didn't care. Um, and so the thing was, I come in the door and meet with Foggerbachy, and we see Jerry over there, and like, hey, how you doing, Luther? And he crosses the entire room to come meet us. Well, right before he crosses, and I say, Hey, hey, uh you doing, man. How you doing, dog? He's like, Oh, good, good, good, John. Um, oh, look, there's Luther. And we turn and look, and at that moment, Jerry coughed. And I saw, excuse me, folks, but I saw the biggest loogie go into his hand, and he just kind of like held it in the well, he's got to cross over and shake my hand. And when he crossed over, he was like, Hey, John, how you doing? And he put his hand out, and I was like, No, stop, stop. I took off the link.

SPEAKER_02 40:10

Oh god.

SPEAKER_05 40:10

It's just, you know, but that was Jerry.

SPEAKER_02 40:12

Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_05 40:13

Well, I've got stories I can't share on air that one of them is just the most unreal. I'll share with you off air.

SPEAKER_02 40:19

You can tell, yeah, you can tell me next time. Wow. Was there a role that you almost didn't take that you're very glad you did?

The Dark Role That Broke Him

SPEAKER_05 40:28

Yeah, and it's something that I've never seen.

SPEAKER_02 40:31

Really?

SPEAKER_05 40:32

Um, yeah. Um it was a national commercial, it's gonna be a national commercial. Um, I had I had to decide to choose. I had uh offer for guest starring roles on two shows and two national commercials all at the same time. And I wanted to do all of them. My agent's like, you can't. So she was able to reschedule uh the two shows, and I could pick one commercial. And I went up to Minneapolis, Minnesota to do it. And the commercial, this was 1990, um, because my son was not quite a year old. Um, it was for a service that would protect kids online from child predators. And I chose it because I played the predator, and it was the most difficult thing Michelle have ever done. How do you do something like that when you're not that person? And I just like three to four days before I left, I just kept trying to empty my soul of light, and it got so overwhelmed. I couldn't even touch my son, I couldn't hold him. Yeah, very dark. And um flew to Minneapolis, shot the commercial over a two-day period because that you know they offered it to me because like predators don't look like the monster, they look like the guy next door. Nice guy, right? A bunch of them just arrested on the Disney cruise ship a couple days ago. Oh um, and it was so painful to do that. Really? Um, I got back to the hotel, and when they fly you in the location like that, they have to put you up in like the VIP suite, the big shower, and I'll never forget. I just wanted to get to the room. I just wanted to get to the room, and I turned that shower on to scalding, and I got on the floor of that shower, and I had all the water on me, and I wept for probably an hour.

SPEAKER_02 42:16

Really?

SPEAKER_05 42:17

Um takes that much out of it. It's exhausting. When you have to stay in an emotional place, you know, because you'll shoot a master, then you go in for a two-shot, and then you have overs and singles and everything else. You've got to bring that emotion as if it's the first time coming out of your mouth, like we're talking now. Yeah. Um, and um, you know, I grew up working physical labor my uh as a boy growing up, and I love hard work like that. I still love doing it today. I can't wait to get back to it. But mental exhaustion is worse than physical. Physical you can push.

SPEAKER_02 42:52

Was there ever a point where you had to rediscover yourself outside of the industry?

Leaving LA And Returning To Roots

SPEAKER_02 42:57

I mean, with all these wonderful experiences. Coming home, how did that work?

SPEAKER_05 43:02

Yeah, um, you know, it's funny, you know like high schools down here have reunion softball tournaments, right? And I remember coming home when I was just finished unpacking school in New York, about to move to Europe. And there's a group of guys that I thought were my friends, and when I came back home for this tournament, be like, oh hey John, I heard you're still bartending, bro. You're not a big star yet? Oh bro, but I'm I'm working on it. And then I come home one year and I am on the guest, I'm a recurring guest star on one of the top ten TV shows on television. And those same guys, I get to the the complex where we had the tournament, they were sitting in the back of a pickup truck. I was like, yo guys, what's up? Oh, can't believe you said hi. Thought you'd be too good for us now. And I realized at that moment you can't please everybody all the time, right? No, you cannot. I kind of look at it this way when you wake up in the morning, half of the world can't stand you. And by lunch, the half that thought they liked you, they don't like you either. So, you know, all that matters is the people that you know truly love you and that you truly love. Everything else, if they can get something from it, fantastic. I'll give you everything I've got for my heart, my soul, whatever, my wallet, my shirt.

SPEAKER_02 44:16

Right.

SPEAKER_05 44:17

But if not, then just move on. Yeah. Right? Just let it be. But people, people just they'd rather tear down other people because of their own failings and and fear. Insecurities.

SPEAKER_02 44:28

Yeah, absolutely. So moving home, was it healing for you to move past Hollywood and negativity or well, you know, I'd shared with you a situation that happened yesterday when I came back home.

SPEAKER_05 44:40

But um it was a it was a challenging decision because um I'd worked, I put in 20-something years to get to where I got. And the last nine, eight months I was out there, um my agent and I, Kim Dore, we I we had looked through probably I guess 20 scripts. I was gonna get my own pilot. I had done that much work that that networks and the studios were gonna give me a shot at, you know, and it was just finding the right one. We had narrowed it down to a couple, but it still wasn't the right fit, I didn't think. And um, I walked away from it because we prayed for a few years, you know, that God would open some doors and close some doors. And the reason being, paparazzi are just ridiculous. And it's like, who cares? I mean, it's my job. I never I like going to the grocery store, my old dirty t-shirt and my shorts, cut the grass and we eat, right? Right. And it's like out there, you have to, you can't do that. Because you'll end up like, oh, it's a big scandal. He looks like he looks like a bump. Right, right. Um, and I just didn't want, and I don't want to generalize, but LA is accessible, right? Um, multiple you feel like you're living in a foreign country, the cost of living is ridiculous. Right now, I think they're playing eight or nine dollars in gas per gallon of gas. The traffic, you live your life in a car.

SPEAKER_02 46:04

Um, and so how old were your children when you decided to move home?

SPEAKER_05 46:09

Um, we when we moved back, Audrey was just two, and Nicholas was five and a half.

SPEAKER_02 46:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 46:15

Um, and he and I, uh Audrey and Jackie flew back and he drove the U-Haul with his dad um back. Okay. Had a little father-son time.

SPEAKER_01 46:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 46:25

But um, I don't regret that for a single second, especially now that he's 28, she's 22. He's a um special operations scout sniper in the Marine Corps. She is God, she's amazing. You know, and it's I know that it depends on the parents, and they would be similar if we had stayed out there. But Jackie's from here and I'm from here. I wanted them to know who they are. We don't too many people don't know who they are anymore. You don't know your cousins, you don't have family reunions, yes. And you have to know who you are and where you garner strength from to push you in those moments when it gets hard. Because life, life ain't easy.

SPEAKER_02 47:07

Yeah, it's your roots.

SPEAKER_05 47:09

Yeah, what do you draw upon, right?

SPEAKER_02 47:11

Right. What makes you stronger and what heals you.

SPEAKER_05 47:14

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 47:15

Well, we have so much more to talk about, but we're gonna have to have you come back for

Reasons Or Excuses And Final Reflections

SPEAKER_02 47:20

part two because of uh the fullness, should I say, of your life and your story, and I hope you would agree to that.

SPEAKER_05 47:27

I'd be more than honored to feel sorry for the audience, but you know, you're putting me for the um I just I'll close with this. I just uh you have to choose. Um it's always a choice. And like I mentioned to you before, life as you get older becomes very binary. You choose to make a reason or you make an excuse. You make a reason, you have to you're gonna live from it. If you excuse, you're gonna die in it.

unknown 47:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 47:55

This one takes a lot of work and a lot of truth and honesty, determination. That one is about pity, and I despise pity.

SPEAKER_02 48:03

Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

SPEAKER_05 48:05

Get up and there's nothing you can't do.

SPEAKER_02 48:07

Yeah. Think positively, whatever you, whatever avenue you need to take to get past that hurdle that you're facing now.

SPEAKER_05 48:15

I mean, I I admire you for the process you use as in the work you do. I admire accountants. You know what I mean? Everybody's gotta have process. It's about process. Exactly. Yeah. So thank you.

SPEAKER_02 48:24

Oh, well, you're very welcome. And thank you for being here. But my last question.

SPEAKER_05 48:29

Oh boy.

SPEAKER_02 48:30

Here we go. It's it's thought-provoking. Okay. How do you maintain your posture while pursuing your purpose in life?

SPEAKER_05 48:38

Oh man, I think that's gotta come from you know, it's funny you say that because well, I think I guess we'll get into

Posture And Purpose After Amputation

SPEAKER_05 48:44

it. Yesterday was four months since I had my left leg amputated above the knee. And one of the things, and don't sound vain, but it's I'm six foot five, and I know that when I walk into a room, because of my past, you you just develop a persona, right? And I've been on crutches for three years, I had eight surgeries, and so that's how I met you. Yeah, pernated desk, right?

SPEAKER_02 49:08

Episode two.

SPEAKER_05 49:09

Yeah, um, but um I've wondered if I'd ever get that back. Because that's part of who I am. Not in a dominant way, but in a I I try to make others bigger and me smaller. And the more I do that, the happier I become.

SPEAKER_02 49:28

Yes, giving to others. Well, that wraps up a little bit about you. You're you're larger than life in more than ways than one, and it's been a blessing to get to know you. So thank you for being here. And until next time, sit up straight, stay happy, stay healthy, and stay adjusted.

SPEAKER_00 49:45

Thanks for listening to the Posture and Purpose Podcast with Dr. Michelle Carr Frank. Make sure to subscribe on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts. Until next time.