SHE SO CRAZY

He spent years trying to figure her out.

That was the problem.

Tune in.

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Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:00

They say real men don't talk. I say they just haven't been asked the right questions. This ain't about trends. It's about truth. About faith that don't fold, love that costs something, and manhood that still means something. I'm not here to argue. I'm here to build. This is the Always Up Podcast, Season 2, Too Real to Win. For the men, still trying to love right in a world that loves wrong. Keisha was cool. She was smart and funny. Had her life together, two degrees, and working on her PhD. Good job, her own place, nice car, no kids. Oh, she loved to travel. Pretty too. And her body, whoa. The kind of women your friends would meet and immediately say, damn, don't mess this one up. And honestly, Keith wasn't gonna let that happen. With all the texting and social media these days, they actually talked on the phone for hours. The conversations were easy, the jokes landed, everything just flowed. You ever meet somebody and after two weeks it felt like you've known them for two years? Then she would get quiet. No big deal because we all have bad days. He would ask what was wrong. Nothing she would always say. Then the arguments would start about who knows what. Days go by and everything's back to normal. Back to laughing, back to talking, back to making travel plans, and that's what made it hard. Because every time he was ready to walk away, here comes the version of her he fell for in the first place. Then it happened again and again and again. Now every time his phone lit up, he's looking at it like he got called into the principal's office. He would catch himself rehearsing conversations before he even picked up the phone. That's when it stopped feeling like dating. One day you're the greatest man she's ever met, then the next day she's acting like you don't exist. One day she's talking about the future, then the next day she's questioning the relationship. It stops becoming enjoyable, and you start studying it. All the time. Every damn day. He knew he should have left sooner. Not because she keyed his car, not because she popped up at his job. She didn't go crazy like Brandy Webb in a thin line between love and hate. She just had a way of turning a good day into a long night. Now every conversation felt like a test. Every text message felt like homework. Keith found himself in a full-time relationship with confusion. And in his mind, he thought one more conversation was gonna fix it. Keith wasn't stupid. That's the crazy part, he saw it. The mood swings, the confusion, the arguments that started out of nowhere. He saw all of it. The problem wasn't seeing it. The problem was every time he got ready to leave, something good would happen. Kayak in one weekend kept the relationship alive for another six months, but it was falling apart piece by piece. Then here comes the good conversations. The laughing, the flirting. That woman knew how to make him weep. Keith would tell his boys, maybe we turned the corner. He didn't turn no corner, he just had a good Tuesday. Then Wednesday showed up, and somehow they were right back in the same spot. Keith had the breakup speech ready. The whole speech, but he never got past the first sentence. Most of us don't leave when things get bad, we leave when we finally get tired. There's a difference, because bad relationships can survive for a very long time. There's always hope and optimism. Hope will have you calling your boy talking about, nah, this time was different. It wasn't different. Y'all just had tacos and good sex. But nothing changes. Keith broke up with Keisha at least 20 times in his head. But every time he got close to doing it in real life, here comes a charm and it gave him hope. And that's when Keith realized he wasn't trying to build something anymore. He was trying to survive it. Keith always had an explanation or was in defense mode. Bro, she blew my phone up 20 times. Why? She was worried. Okay. Then a week later, she blocked me. Blocked you? Yeah. Why'd she do that? No clue. Then what happened? She unblocked me. God. A month later. Guess what? She accused me of cheating. Were you cheating? No. Then why did she accuse you? I don't know. One week she was mad because he answered too slow. The next week she was mad because he answered too fast. One week she needed space. Then the next week she wanted to know why he wasn't calling enough. One week they were arguing before vacation. The next week they were arguing on vacation. Keith always had an excuse. Man, that's just how she is. Man, she's passionate. Man, she cares. At some point one of his boys finally looked at him and said, My brother, what exactly are we doing here? The room got quiet. Seriously, what are we doing? Keith sat there for a second, because for the first time he didn't have an answer. One night they were sitting around talking about old relationships. You know the conversation, the one that always happens in the beginning. How many relationships you had? What happened? Why it ended? The usual stuff. Keith remembers Keisha talking about one of her exes. Then another one, then another one. Every story ended with some type of drama. At first he didn't think much about it, he liked her. Besides, Keith wasn't listening to become the next ex. He was sitting there thinking I'd never do her like that. Because while she was talking about the past, Keith was busy thinking about the future, the trips, the plans, the possibilities, the life they were gonna build. Meanwhile, Keisha kept telling stories. A friend she don't talk to anymore, a family member she fell out with, an ex-boyfriend, another ex-boyfriend, another misunderstanding, another fallout, another bridge burned, and every time Keith found a way to explain it. Well maybe her friend was tripping. Maybe her ex really was crazy. Maybe her family don't understand her. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Then one day you look up and you're the new story. Keisha used to tell him, I've never met anybody like you. We're gonna be together forever. You ain't getting rid of me. I love you. Keith believed her. Why wouldn't he? They talked about the adventures, the house, the future, all the stuff people talk about when they're building together. And that's when Keith got stuck. Not because he didn't see it. He saw it, not because he didn't know. He knew. The hard part was starting over. That meant admitting all those conversations didn't lead where he thought they would. It meant letting go of the picture he had in his head. It meant going back out there, trying again, meeting somebody new, learning somebody new, telling his story all over again. And after a while, Keith wasn't trying to save the relationship anymore. He was trying to save all the time he already put into it. That trip to Greece a few years back was supposed to fix everything. The getaway was amazing, but as soon as they got back home, it was back to scratch. He suggested counseling. He knew that if the communication improved, they would be right back on track. It didn't? So then it became maybe after the holidays. Then, maybe after the move, then, maybe after. Keith was trying everything to save the relationship. Keisha always seemed unbothered, but interested enough to keep Keith guessing, fighting, hoping. You ever notice how some people never leave? They stop arriving? That was Keisha. It drove him to therapy. I believe everyone should try therapy. So Keith did what most men do. He asked Keisha to be honest, do you want this to work? She said yes. She said it's gonna work. She said, it's just a rough patch. But somehow Keith always left those conversations with more questions than answers. One day his therapist asked, What would he change if she finally told the truth? Keith sat there for a second. If she doesn't want the relationship anymore, why not say so? Why not let me move on? Everything I've done for her, I just want peace. The therapist didn't speak, just looked at him. Keith couldn't even remember what was supposed to happen next. And that's when he got mad because now none of it made sense. We spent all of those years together, but for what? If you don't want me, just say that. If you're done, just say that. If there's somebody else, just say that. Damn, I'm a big boy. I can handle it. Why is everybody so scared to keep it real? You ain't gotta protect me, you ain't gotta spare my feelings, you ain't gotta give me a speech, just keep it 100. We grew apart. Cool. You don't love me like that anymore. I get it. You met somebody else? That's fine. At least now I know what the hell happened. Instead, you got me out here trying to solve a mystery. Is it stress? Is it work? Is it your family? Are you on your period? Every month is something. Meanwhile, I'm still trying to figure out what the hell happened. Internally, Keith kept trying to figure out what changed. Did Keisha wake up and become somebody else? Was there a secret meeting held that nobody told him about? Looking back, most of the stuff Keith was mad about he knew from the beginning. The trust issues, the falling outs, the drama, the conversation about the exes, the encounters with the friends, the family stuff. It wasn't a red flag, it was a story. It wasn't baggage, it was vulnerability. It wasn't a warning, it was something Keith thought love could fix. Was she crazy or was Keith too nice? He fell in love with who Keisha could be. He didn't care who she was, he just kept thinking he was one breakthrough away, one conversation away, one vacation away, one year away from finally meeting the Keisha he saw in his head. Unfortunately, she never applied for the role. She already showed him who she was. Potential has probably cost people more relationships than reality ever did. Too many promises, too many plans, too many trust me, too many one days. Maybe I'm getting old, but these days I'm more interested in a random Tuesday. Not the vacation, not the anniversary, not the holidays, not the big conversation, just Tuesday, when nobody's performing, when nobody's trying to save the relationship, when nobody's posting quotes online, just regular everyday life, because that's where people usually tell the truth. Not with their mouth, with their patterns. And patterns got a funny way of telling on people long before they ever tell on themselves. Is she crazy? Maybe, but I don't even think that's the right question. These days, I'm less interested in potential and a lot more interested in consistency. Because consistency tells the truth long before people do. Thanks for listening. Two real to win is for the men still trying to love right in a world that loves wrong. No clout, no gimmicks, just truth. I'm Brian B. Turner, and this is the Always Up Podcast. Until next time, stay focused, stay faithful, and always up.