Why Not Me? Stop Disqualifying Yourself Before Anyone Else Does with Nicole Pretre

Have you ever looked at someone else's success and thought, "That could never be me"?

She has the right background. The right experience. The right connections. She followed the right path.

But what if the experiences you've been discounting are actually the ones that have prepared you most?

In this episode of Female Fridays, Rachel sits down with Nicole Pretre, President and CEO of Cedar Community, to challenge the way we think about what it means to be "qualified."

In this conversation, you'll learn how to recognize the transferable skills you may be overlooking, rethink your relationship with mistakes and resilience, and challenge the belief that you need to follow a certain path or check every box before you're ready.

You'll also hear why Nicole wants women to reconsider one of the most common phrases we use to describe self-doubt: imposter syndrome.

Maybe the problem isn't that you're unqualified.

Maybe you've been defining "qualified" too narrowly.

This conversation is an invitation to audit your own experiences, recognize the skills you've built along the way, and catch yourself the next time you automatically think:

"That can't be me."

Then ask a different question:

Why not me?

Connect with Nicole on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nicolepretre/

Learn about Cedar Community: https://www.cedarcommunity.org/

Connect with Rachel Keller on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rachelschisler/

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to Female Fridays, where we go beyond the published career story to meet the woman behind the title. I'm Rachel Keller, and each week I sit down with extraordinary women in leadership. Not just to celebrate their achievements, but to explore the journey that shaped them. The victories, the doubts, and the quiet moments of courage that changed everything. This is the podcast that goes deeper than the resume. Because true leadership is never just a title. I want you all to picture the last time that you looked at someone else's life and you thought, that could never be me. Maybe someone landed your dream job, or they started that business that you've always wanted to build. They got promoted into leadership, or maybe they built the family you always hoped for, or created a life that looks exactly how you imagined yours might be someday. You genuinely want to celebrate them, but almost automatically another thought slips in. And that thought is she has something that I don't. The right background, the right look, the right personality, the right connections, the right career path, you name it, somewhere along the way, many of us have learned an almost invisible rule that other people are qualified. And maybe one day, if I work hard enough, I will be too. But the reality is before anyone else has had the chance to tell you no, you've already disqualified yourself. But why? Who decided what a leader is supposed to look like? And what if the experiences that you've been overlooking are actually the ones that have prepared you to lead? So today's guest is Nicole Preetree, president and CEO of Cedar Community, one of Wisconsin's leading nonprofit senior living organizations. She also serves on the National Board of Leading Age and has helped lead more than $80 million in organizational growth and development. But her path to becoming CEO looked nothing like the traditional playbook. Before Senior Living, Nicole spent seven years as an Emmy-nominated television journalist and executive producer before building a career in healthcare and eventually stepping into executive leadership. And here's what I love most about Nicole's perspective. She isn't a fan of the phrase imposter syndrome. And that's not because she doesn't believe that self-doubt exists, but because she believes women are asking the wrong question. Instead of asking, Am I qualified? maybe we should be asking, why not me? Nicole, welcome to Female Fridays.

SPEAKER_00 2:59

Thank you, Rachel. It's so great to be here. Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_01 3:03

I am so excited to talk with you today. I think that this is almost a topic maybe we don't even realize that we are wrestling with inside of ourselves. But once we shed light on it, we're like, oh shoot, this happens all the time. I ran a little experiment and asked some of my girlfriends if they ever felt that way, that similar feeling of what I had mentioned in the introduction. And they all responded and said, every single day, I feel that. So I think that this is going to be a really important topic today.

SPEAKER_00 3:34

Yeah, I agree. Um, it's something obviously that you and I have talked about. I've heard it talked about in other areas. And it's just something that continues to resonate with me. And how do we reach women and say, enough, right? Like how do we get there? And like you said, why not me? Instead of saying, oh, that can't be me. I'm not qualified for that.

SPEAKER_01 3:55

Well, we're gonna find out today. So I think those stories that we tell ourselves of like, I can't do that, or I'm not like her, probably start a lot earlier than when we begin our professional careers. So when you think back to being a little girl, what messages do you feel like you receive for who you were supposed to be?

SPEAKER_00 4:16

I think a lot of us, when we're growing up, we are put in these positions where people are telling us what we should be doing, what we shouldn't be doing. And what we experience as children really it becomes part of who we are. And one of the things I talk about in my childhood is that it was not the best. It was a little challenging. And, but at the same time, it didn't let it define me. It really forged me. It really helped me to become the resilient person and leader that I am today. And I think I was also, if you ask my mom, she would tell you I was the one who would say why all the time and question, I questioned authority a lot. Yeah. Which, you know, and you know, we joke about that. But at the same time, we shouldn't have to think about societal norms and fit into that norm as a little girl or a little boy, even. But, you know, as women, it seems to be a little bit of a different path for us. And so we really need to think about that. I've really been thinking about that. I've been, as you and I talked about, I've been writing a book, I've written a keynote that kind of goes along this path and realizing that a lot of the lessons I learned or the lessons I thought I was learning in one direction, so to speak, as a child, really forged who I became as a CEO and as a and, you know, really taking the time to think back about what those pivotable moments, if you will, in your childhood were and apply that to today. And that's part of what I talk about as I'm I'm still writing. It's not public and people ask me, when can I get this book? Hopefully soon. Um, but it's it's something to really think about. And I think, especially for girls and women, as we go down that path, it's really important to remember that we don't need to fit in a box. We need to be able to express ourselves. We need to be able to learn differently sometimes than what society might expect. But again, that is our path to where we become leaders and how we lead individuals and organizations.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

Well, first of all, congrats on the book. And I know this-Congratulate me when it's done. Well, this episode is gonna live on. So eventually it will be done. So, listeners, depending upon when you're listening, check back on the show notes and maybe we'll have the link. But I love what you said about how your childhood maybe wasn't perfect, but you decided to let that forge you. And I think when we are growing up, we just don't have the skills because our brain is not developed enough yet to really know, like, all right, maybe I don't want this part or this, this isn't how it should be. And so we kind of absorb some of those messages just like a sponge. But for you, you didn't let those negative experiences really marinate and become part of our your identity. You decided that you wanted to forge that new path. So what was it that was that catalyst for you that was like, all right, I'm actually going to forge something different here?

SPEAKER_00 7:18

You know, there was uh a time, um, there's a lot of turmoil, a lot of upheaval in in my childhood, young adulthood, if you will. And I think part of it was accepting uh what happened and saying, I can't let that define me. But what I can do is I can let it teach me and in and inform me about where I go next. So I think that's a huge part of not internalizing it to the point where it becomes a crutch, if you will, but really thinking about what did I learn? How can I take that to the next level? And really that's I think the key for folks is don't wallow in it, recognize it, uh, deal with it if however you have to, but at the same time, move forward. Always think about moving forward and what what does it take to do that? And how do I do that? Who do I need to help me do that?

SPEAKER_01 8:13

And you said you didn't let it define you. Is there like a temperature check that a listener could do to say, all right, what am I letting define me?

SPEAKER_00 8:25

I think there are moments when there's something maybe not going right, or you make a wrong decision. I mean, let's face it, we all make mistakes as leaders. If we're not making mistakes, we're not learning, really. So I think there's times when maybe something doesn't go right in your professional world, in your personal world, and you need to reflect about why that is. And I think that's part of that whole process. And that's really where where we need to go and what we need to do to kind of take that step forward. Uh, we pivot, right? And I talk a little bit about pivoting in my book and and what what that means for thinking differently and seeing things from a different lens or from a different perspective, and how important that really is in your personal growth and your professional journey too.

SPEAKER_01 9:11

Yeah, I think part of it is just noticing and saying, all right, what what maybe is defining me today? And then if you realize that some of those things that are defining you are holding you back from where you want to go, first just understanding that, noticing that that's okay, and then making that plant pivot, like you mentioned. So you've made a few pivots even in your career. And I know you started off as a broadcast journalist. So was being in broadcast your original career dream? And at what point did you realize that your path was going to look a little bit different than what you originally imagined?

SPEAKER_00 9:50

It was not part of my original career path. I went to, I went to school and um started out as a political science major. I was gonna run for public office, actually. And then I found it. And then at the last minute, I pivoted in college and moved into the journalism school and found that the storytelling and the messaging was so important. And that so even in college, I pivoted and my career started out as a journalist, as a broadcaster, very different than what I had thought it was gonna be when I entered school, when I entered my undergraduate years. But I think part of that too is thinking through what I again, taking your assumptions and really reflecting on why you're doing things and how you're gonna do those things. And so that's okay to make those changes as needed, you know, and I had a tremendously successful broadcast career. And when the time came for me to pivot out of that, um, it was, it just made sense. And I naturally moved into, well, what a lot of us do is when we're journalists, we move into that corporate marketing, branding, public relations world, um, you know, which led me down my path to healthcare eventually and senior living, which, you know, it's I joke that it was accidental, but at the same time, you know, there's there's a reason that those types of things take place and those things happen. And so that was really important. And so being able to recognize it and sometimes saying, what am I doing and why am I going in this direction? Go with it, you know, go with your gut. Uh, and and that will really benefit you down the road.

SPEAKER_01 11:30

I think that when I was younger in my career, I used to see pivots as very scary and like I had made a mistake. And so, oh, gotta pivot because I messed up and I saw it as a negative. But I love how you are reframing this to be like, hey, if you're not making mistakes, you're not growing. And pivoting is actually a really good thing that you can do and do it in your career often. Because to me, I think if you are honest enough of making it a pivot, it means that you are understanding yourself, your values, and you're not staying in something that isn't right for you. That's doing a disservice to you. And it's doing a disservice to your company or whatever the situation is, if you are unwilling to grow and just staying stuck in something that really isn't meant for you anymore.

SPEAKER_00 12:20

I think that's really important because, you know, when change is scary for anybody and everything in some ways. And some people just drive right into change and they're okay with it. But honestly, it's it's scary to everyone at some level. But I think too, one of the things I think back about when you make those pivots is that everything that you've done along the way in some way is going to be valuable to you. I mean, who would have thought that being a broadcast journalist would be value to valuable to me as a CEO of a senior living organization? Um, but at the same time, that the experiences and the messaging and the storytelling and being able to relate to people, covering tragic stories, writing, you know, horrible copy about, you know, things that happened along the way, but at the same time also being able to meet people in very joyous stories. So I think that really all those experiences that you have, no matter what they come from, and no matter what that context is of those experiences, think about how you can apply those to where you are today as a leader, uh, or if you're aspiring to be a leader. What can you take and what can you glean from those experiences that that is going that are going to make you a better leader as you continue to progress in your career?

SPEAKER_01 13:36

I agree completely. And as someone who was also in broadcast journalism, I take that with me today, now in sales. And I'm trained as a journalist. So I honestly run my sales process like a journalist. I'm trying to get the facts, I'm being objective, I'm telling, trying to tell the story. But I think that it's so true that whatever your past may be, it gives you a unique perspective into your role today. So, what do you feel like are some of those skills that you were building in your journalism career that you didn't realize now are some of your greatest strengths as a CEO?

SPEAKER_00 14:14

Yeah, I think one of the things, and I talk about this in my my book and my keynote, is there was an experience when I was working uh for a local ABC television affiliate uh in Green Bay, Wisconsin. And um, we were doing a kickoff to Monday Night Football because the Green Bay Packers were playing the Chicago Bears at Soldier Field. Um, and I was producing the pregame show, and our entire show was live from Chicago. So we were back in the studio myself, our director, and we had an anchor at the desk, obviously. And we were getting all set, my reporters in the field, everybody's got their assignments, we're all good. And we were about 20-ish minutes or so from going on the air. And sadly, there was a commuter plane crash in northwest Indiana. And things started to get a little crazy. I could hear the rumblings on the network feeds and whatnot about what was happening. All of a sudden, ABC calls us and says, We're pulling your live trucks because we've got to get them to the plane crash site. And I said, Oh, oh no, you're not. This is our entire show, is coming out of these live trucks, right? So the story of that being, we had I had 20 minutes to convince ABC to at least leave me one live truck so that I could, I didn't have dead air, or I wasn't sitting with an anchor at the desk in Green Bay with no content to go on the air for a half hour before Monday Night Football. So that was a moment, and I was very young at this stage of my career. I was a leader before I should have been one, to be honest with you. There's no question about it. There were times when I didn't know what I was doing, and I just made it up as I went along, which I think many of us do. But again, take those experiences, take advantage of that. But the bottom line with this particular experience, and I think one of the things about this exact example is that it taught me very, very quickly how important calm leadership is, being calm. Because I could have panicked and freaked out, which I was doing on the inside. Don't get me wrong, I was doing that on the inside. But if I had done that externally, my anchors sitting on the desk, my reporters in the field, my director and tape runners in the studio, they would have started to panic. And nobody would have listened or, you know, gotten it right. And so I had to, you know, very calmly and quietly scream at ABC on the phone over here on this side, but keep my crews calm. And when I did convince them to leave us the one truck, we had to pivot. Again, there's the pivot word. We had to pivot. We had to, instead of having multiple live shots, we had one. But we got everybody where they needed to be. We figured it out before we went on the air, and it worked. And everybody remained calm. We pulled off the show. But at the end of the day, is the leader of that entire crew, if I had not kept myself calm, even though I was freaking out on the inside, that would have been a disastrous show, and we would have literally failed in front of millions of people. So that's something that, and I you don't think about that at the time. It's happening, and you're like, oh, this is a great life lesson. This is a great business lesson for the future. But as I advanced in my career and I faced additional situations where it could have gone spectacularly wrong, depending on how I reacted to a situation, everyone in the room is going to react and feel what their leader is reacting, right? Because it's just natural. So it's really important. And those little lessons along the way, again, in a field that has nothing to do with what I do today. But always be thinking about what did I learn? How can I apply that to where I am today? And, you know, going back to the whole why me situation and why do we need to think about that? You know, as women, it's really important that I think having that calm leadership, because let's face it, we can get accused of being emotional, right? In a situation, which I'm not going to go there, but you know what I'm you know what, you know what I'm thinking. I think every, yeah, everyone knows. We all know. We all know. But again, it's one of those things where you need to you need to think about that and present yourself in a very different way, pivoting, being calm, all those things and how those experiences that you have can really make that difference for you as you become a strong leader for sure.

SPEAKER_01 18:33

I couldn't agree more. I think it's a great lesson to learn that calm leadership, no matter what industry you're in. And of course, every most people listening to this podcast are in senior living. I think that this also works as an employee. Because if you, and maybe Nicole, you can weigh in here because you literally are the boss, you're the CEO. But if you ever were talking with some team members and you're explaining maybe a hard situation and you are calm, if you have a team member who's underneath you and they also remain calm and come at it with an attitude of, okay, here's what I could do to solve it. You let me know what you would like, and also just takes that with um without that anxiety or anxious presence, or just feels very calm. To you as a leader, does that stand out to you as an employee who maybe just stands out, I guess?

SPEAKER_00 19:29

Absolutely, because how people react in a crisis situation, you know, I say that, you know, when we were in, when we were in the pandemic or when we've had crazy weather events here and we've dealt with things, you know, I always say that a crisis doesn't create character, it reveals it, right? It's a it's a well-known con, it's a well-known quote. But I think that's how you start to recognize other leaders within your organization. Sometimes it's how people react to the bad versus how they handle the good or the easy, right? Sometimes handling the easy doesn't really show someone's depth and how they can really lead individuals in a very empathetic and important way. So I think that's really a really important thing. And one of the things too is you had mentioned about when you know you're calm and everybody else is calm, that's great. But there's gonna be times when you're calm and they're not, right? So how do you react to that? And I think one of the things I always do is you know, pause, not pivot, but pause. Because if you just let it let there be a moment where maybe there's nobody talking and then you re-engage in the conversation. And what I found is I'll even lower my voice more. I'll get quieter, I'll get quieter, uh, and and then that will help the the individuals who might be not as calm. It will make them pause, and then that gives you the opportunity to maybe get their mind in the right place or get their attention and say, we need to all calm down here and rethink what's happening or what is what do we need to do next. So I think that's really important. So I think there's lay there's layers of calm as well, you know, when it comes to how you react to something.

SPEAKER_01 21:13

Did you ever read the book Never Split the Difference by Chris Foss? I did not.

SPEAKER_00 21:18

I'm gonna write that one down though.

SPEAKER_01 21:20

Okay, I had to ask because so he actually he was um an FBI hostage negotiator, and he wrote a book talking about sales, never split the difference, business. And that's actually a technique that he recommends is that if you were ever in negotiation or in a a hard situation, like you mentioned, to lower your voice and he calls it your radio voice, which of course is funny because you have your broadcast. Right, your broadcast voice. But he's like, Yeah, like you're dealing with me now. Like, so that is a real technique. And Nicole, you know your stuff, same as the FBI negotiator. So that's so fun. Right. Next career. No, I'm kidding. Not not. Yeah. After the politics, you know, help your next one. No. I love it. Well, you did make some pivots, which I think is incredible. When did you first find yourself imagining becoming a CEO?

SPEAKER_00 22:16

That's a great question. Somebody asked me that not too long ago as well, as we were talking about uh leadership. And it was actually a young woman that has asked me to mentor her, mentor her, and thinks that that's a direction she wants to go. And so we were talking about that. And I said, you know, when I first came to Cedar Community where I am, that was not on my sights. I wanted to become a leader in the organization. Not if you would have asked me 15 years ago when I started here, well, did you want to be the CEO? No. But I did want to be a leader. And I've, like I said, I'd always been a leader. I was a leader way too young. I learned a lot of lessons along the way. I fell on my face a lot, so to speak, along the way and felt like I had a pretty good feel for how I could lead people. I love to teach people. I love that that part of it. And so I started off thinking, uh, you know, I went back to school, I got my master's degree, I started thinking along the leadership path. I was eventually promoted to the leadership team, to the executive team here. And once I got there is when I really started to think about, I think, I think I could do this, right? And I looked at the big picture. And part of it, I think, is, you know, how how do you continue to evolve yourself as a leader? And that is a huge part, again, of like going back to what I'm writing currently. But that's been, that's really resonated with me, especially the last couple of years, as I've stepped into the role of CEO, which was a little over five years ago here at CEDAR. And, you know, thinking about when I, when the first opportunity came up that the CEO position opened with a longtime retirement of our very longtime CEO, I thought about it at that point. And I thought to myself, I'm not ready. And I knew I wasn't ready on a couple of different levels. But what I did was I reached out to the search firm that was doing the search for the CEO role. And I said, can you give me 20 minutes? Can you help, you know, look at my resume? I'm pretty positive I have a few areas to really work on, but I would really appreciate your feedback. And so asking for feedback, feedback is a gift. Good, bad, and ugly. Trust me. And you get it all, especially when you're sitting in this seat. But I reached out and I said, what else do I need to work on? And they told me and they said, you know what? You've got this, this, and this. And this is the one area that would probably be a challenge for you if you were to really seriously pursue it at this time. So what I did was I spent the next five years going out there and finding ways to get that experience and learning and not saying, Why not me? You know, or saying, I can't do this because of imposter syndrome. I started to say, why not me? Why can't I do this? And so it's about going out and having the confidence in yourself to say, I can learn, I can pick up skills that I might not have right now. And then when the next opportunity came, a little over five years ago, I was ready. And one of the great things about, and I love telling the story, and people are always amazed by this, but I was not an internal succession plan candidate. I was an external candidate. I submitted my resume online for the search firm just like everybody else did. And when the search firm reached out to me and said, We see that you're actually an internal candidate, and I said, Yes. They said, Did any, does anybody else at the organization know you've applied for this role? And I said, No, they don't. And they said, Well, we want to keep it that way. So actually, one of the really great things about this is that I was a silent CEO candidate for the entire search process until the end. The only people who knew I was a candidate was the search committee. And I think that really helped in the sense that there was no preconceived, well, she's just gonna get it because she's the internal candidate. And in fact, one of my other parts of my my other favorite parts of that story is that when they when they did offer me the role and I did accept it, obviously, one of the board members who was on the search committee had reached out to me and said, Congratulations. I just want to tell you, we didn't just give you this job because we liked you. And I laughed and I said, Well, first of all, thank you for liking me. And secondary, you know, secondly, I I'm really glad it that this happened the way it happened because I I I earned it, right? It wasn't just a, ah, she's the next best option. Let's just do that. Um, so I think that's a really important thing. And to think about that from a mindset of like, why not me? But you have to sometimes approach things a little bit differently. Um, and and getting that experience, going through that process the way that I did really gave me some of the confidence maybe I wouldn't have had had I just been a natural internal succession plan candidate, I would say.

SPEAKER_01 26:51

And why did you go that route? Why did you decide to go outside of that natural um internal succession plan?

SPEAKER_00 27:00

The reason I chose the path of being the external silent candidate was because there really there was no succession planning in place at my organization. And I think that uh, you know, had I talked to somebody or whatnot, it it just wasn't an existing sort of mindset here at the time. So I that was kind of my only option, if you will, I would say. So, but I also want to impress upon the fact that succession planning is a huge issue in the senior living industry because we need to think about that more. There is a huge wave of retirements coming. And the a lot of the leadership in our in our world is have been in place for a very long time. And there's tremendous experience and tremendous leaders in our sector. But we're gonna start to see that. We've already started to see it turn over, right? And it's gonna be an area that people really need to pay attention to. So I think my lesson from that whole experience was that's an important component. If you don't have the right people in place, or you don't have that, you need to start thinking about who those people are or you need to bring in if that's the path you want to take as an organization.

SPEAKER_01 28:10

And if someone's listening to this and maybe they're part of that next generation of leaders and want to raise their hand for that seat, what advice would you give them?

SPEAKER_00 28:20

Don't hesitate to make that appointment with maybe your leader or maybe your human resources folks, depending on what your organization looks like, and ask the question, sort of like I asked, I asked it externally, right? Of an external search firm, but what what opportunities maybe I may I have in the future? And what what do I have skill set-wise that meets those needs? What don't I have? What what else can I do? Um, and and find those projects or find those opportunities within your organization or maybe even externally, volunteer. Volunteer for a board of directors or a committee of an organization in your community that's going to get you that experience. And that's just an option for anyone who's thinking about it. But don't be afraid because if if your team, if your leaders are doing their job, that's what they should be doing, right? Is one of the, I think, the coolest things about being a leader is being able to lift others and lift others as you rise. And one of the things we've seen, I was just talking to somebody about this yesterday. We recently completed our first acquisitions of other senior living communities ever in the history of our organization. And that's been great. And it's been crazy. But I think one of the coolest things about that that I have seen transpire over the last few months as we've been through this operational transition, is we've had so many opportunities to lift people into that next level of leadership that they're ready for, but we might not have had the opportunity had we not acquired these additional communities because it gave us additional opportunities and spaces for those people. And that's that's been so fun to watch.

SPEAKER_01 30:02

Amazing. And what a privilege to be tapped in for that experience, right? Yeah. Absolutely. And to rise to the occasion.

SPEAKER_00 30:10

And I was very fortunate that some folks gave me that opportunity along the way, going back, going back to my broadcast days, my very first role. And I was at that same ABC station. And at the time I started, so you're gonna laugh about this, but I started my first job in television was as a weekend tape editor and a sign and I very quickly progressed uh very quickly. So by about six months in, I was executive producing the um the 6 p.m. news, which is casual.

SPEAKER_01 30:38

That's a huge jump for people who don't know. That is a huge job. That's not like one or two jobs. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:44

Yeah, that's it was pretty quick. But so I was producing, and being a line producer is an incredibly stressful job, as you very well know. But at the it was interesting because our executive producer at the time moved on to another organization. She moved, uh, as you know, especially in the smaller television markets, people are constantly moving. You know, it's a maybe a two-year stint at most, should typically. And she had moved on to a larger market as an executive producer. And our our news director started bringing in candidates to interview for this executive, for this EP job, as we call it in our world, right? Executive producer job. And he said to me, I want you to, I want you to interview the candidates as they come in. I'm gonna interview them. We're gonna show them around, and I want you to spend some time with them. Okay, fabulous. So he kept bringing in these people and he kept having me interview them. And then finally he pulled me into his office and he said, So what do you think about all these folks that we've brought in to interview for this executive producer job? Or mind you, I'm only about eight-ish, nine-ish months into the to the role, right out of college, practically. And I said, Well, you know, I think, I think they're all good people. They're great candidates. And he said, Well, what do you, you know, what what's something that you think is missing? And I said, Well, I don't, I don't know that there's anything necessarily missing in any of the candidates. And I said, But I I'll be honest with you, I said, I don't know that they could do the job any more than I could. And he looked at me and he said, It's about time. Wow. And I said, What do you mean? And he said, I have been waiting for you to figure out that I've had you interview these people so that you could see that you can do this job. And that was a light bulb moment, right? So I think that early in my career to have somebody believe in me that much to, but without being blatant about it. Like he made me figure it out myself, which I really appreciated and I hope that I continue to take throughout my leadership journey and today here is helping people see it for themselves, maybe before you suggest it. Um, and so that's been that's really cool too. So think about that as you're as you become a leader, as you grow in your leadership and as you look to lift other leaders. I think that's a huge, really fun part too of the and thank you to Tom, because my news director way back in the day, who's now long retired, but was such a positive and important influence on me as a growing leader at that time.

SPEAKER_01 33:06

What an incredible story. And I I love that he did this for you and that you were able to see that for yourself and really step into your power. So we hear this word imposter syndrome all the time, right? Especially as women. But I know you don't like that phrase. So tell me why.

SPEAKER_00 33:26

Yeah, I, you know, one of the things that frustrates me about that is that imposter syndrome seems to imply that I don't belong here. It's like a, I'm I don't belong here as a person, you know, I'm not the person everyone thinks I should be or expects me to be for this particular role. And I think the fix for that usually isn't that you need more confidence or anything like that. It's realizing that it's okay to step into a role sometimes and make it different or bring your own self, your true self to that role. And make it is not necessarily a role that's, you know, you assumed what the or the skill set, I guess you should say, that maybe you thought you needed or it was required. Um, so what I what I like to think about is, you know, bring yourself into that role and don't play a different role just because it's what society or those before you or how those before you or how they played the part, right? That's I think where people start to get into their own heads about, I could never do that because I saw so-and-so do it and he did it or she did it this way, right? But I think that you need to make it your own and you bring your own gifts to that role. And so I think instead of saying I can't do it, you know, again, we go back to that phrase, why not me? Why don't disqualify yourself and start to think about, you know, what does he or she have that I don't have? And most of the time, that gap isn't an ability. It's just that you're you're you're limiting yourself to what you can be. And so I think that's really important. Um, and and thinking about it, that just because it, you know, my my team knows, don't ever come to me and say, we're doing this because it's the way we've always done it. Right. And so I think part of that really filters into that imposter syndrome that people think, well, I can't, I can't do that role because, you know, that's the way it's always been done. And I I don't have that skill set or I don't have that ability. Don't think that way. That's just so self-limiting. And think about how you're gonna bring your talents, your gifts, your experience to that role and how you can make it better, right? Because of those things. So that's part of the reason that when people start to talk about I felt imposter syndrome about it. And why are you doing that to yourself? Don't do that to yourself. You eliminate that from your vocabulary if you can.

SPEAKER_01 35:43

Yes. And and one of my favorite examples, and I always get her name wrong. So I apologize if you know this podcast ever blows up and she listens. But I want to say, yeah, Iona or Iona Mayor, she was an Olympian rugby player, and people asked her about her imposter syndrome, and she's like, What? Like, I'm an Olympian. Like, I don't have this, I'm just good at what I do. And it's like, yeah, how do we help switch women from feeling like they are never enough or they don't have the right qualifications to really standing tall and not shrinking themselves and saying, of course, of course I'm in this position. Of course my skills are gonna help me get there. Or maybe uh people may think I'm not the right fit on paper, but I'm gonna show them differently because of who I am. We want more women to feel that way. And do you think that we've become too narrow on how we define qualifications?

SPEAKER_00 36:35

I do. I think that one of the things, you know, you you think about the varied experiences people have. Again, you look at my resume broadcasting, really ironically, I did not put broadcast, my broadcast background on my resume when I did apply for the CEO role. And it was interesting because through the process of the interview process and whatnot, the search committee members that were the board of directors at the time that were going through the process, I remember at one point, somehow or other, we got onto a conversation or something, and I mentioned in one of the interview stages about my background in broadcasting and, you know, that I was, you know, for example, that ABC Monday Night Football story and the craziness of it. And it probably wasn't the exact example, but something along those lines. And I remember the individual that I was talking with who was a board member, and said, Why didn't you put that on your resume? Wow. And I said, I, you know, I really didn't think it was relevant to being a CEO of a senior living organization. And he said, Are you kidding me? He said, That experience of running a newsroom, of being the on-site executive producer of a Super Bowl and running everything and every aspect of what it took and doing it all on live television. He's like, That's exactly what a CEO does. And it never occurred to me that that experience translated so much into what I do today, because it was a, you know, for me, it was I was a journalist. It's a different world than what I am today. But think about it from the perspective of everything you do, every experience you have, even being a parent, for example. Trust me, you're running a household, you're running an organization, right? And so don't ever discount anything that you've done or any experience that you've had, because there's there are nuggets of little things that you've done along the way, or maybe even big things along the way that you've done in those previous roles that are relevant. And they may not translate A to B, they may translate A to M. But at the same time, it's really important to recognize your strengths and what you bring to the table. And that may not, like I said before, it may not fit in a box, but that's okay. And actually, that's better if it doesn't. Because when you, when you have those different life experiences, work experiences, whatever that is, you bring a different perspective to the table that is critical in so many facets of what we do.

SPEAKER_01 39:10

Absolutely. Well, my wheels are spinning. You are such an inspiration. And I know that all of our listeners are feeling very inspired as well. So as we wrap up today's conversation, I hope that you are going to take a moment and audit your own life. Leadership isn't built from one perfect career path. It's built through the experiences that shape how you think, communicate, solve problems, navigate uncertainty, and lead other people. Which I loved what you said, Nicole, especially in your last answer. How do those skills transfer? And then how do you tell the story of how that skill has transferred? So this week, I want you to start noticing something. Notice when you automatically tell yourself that can't be me. And notice when you count yourself out before anyone else has had the chance to. And when you catch yourself doing that, I want you to pause and ask a different question. Ask yourself, why not me? Maybe you've been overlooking experiences that have prepared you far more than you realize. And maybe you've been measuring yourself by someone else's definition of qualified. So here's your challenge. Think about that opportunity that feels just a little out of reach. Maybe it's applying for that promotion, speaking at an event, starting in a business, making your career change, or raising your hand for a project that you've been quietly taking yourself out of. Go for it. And before you do, call a friend or mentor, practice telling that story of your own experience, not by listing your job titles, but describing those skills that you've built along the way. You might be surprised at how much evidence you already have to go for when you're ready for what's next. So thank you for listening, and we'll see you on the next Female Fridays. Every woman you hear on this podcast started somewhere, and so did you. The only thing standing between where you are and where you want to be is one bold step. Thank you for joining me on Female Fridays. Wherever you're headed, hold on to this. You can be her too. The world needs what only you can bring. Now, it's your turn to rise.