59: Success in Nursing Isn’t What Nursing School Told You

What does success really look like as a nurse?

Is it working in the ICU, ER, or going back to school to become a nurse practitioner… or is that just what we’ve been told success should look like?

In this episode of Life After Nursing School, we talk about the pressure nurses feel to chase high-stress specialties, advanced degrees, and job titles that sound impressive… even when they don’t lead to happiness or work-life balance.

We’ll cover:
 • Nursing burnout and career pressure
 • How your definition of success changes over time
 • Why more money or higher titles don’t always mean fulfillment
 • How to build a nursing career that fits your life

If you’re a nursing student, new grad, or experienced nurse questioning your path, this episode will help you redefine success in nursing (on your terms).

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hey, hey, welcome to Life After Nursing School. I'm your host, Caroline Dana, aka Nurse Coach Caroline. And I'm here to help you, the new nurse, thrive in your career. As a former nurse recruiter, nurse manager, and now your personal new nurse career coach, I'm obsessed with making sure you don't just survive your first couple of years at the bedside. I want you to absolutely rock them. From the challenges to the triumphs, I'll be right here with you, giving you the real-world advice and support that you need to shine. Whether you're in nursing school getting ready for life after, or you're already out there in nurse life feeling overwhelmed or even questioning your confidence, I've got your back. I'll be sharing tips, tricks, resources, and strategies that are just for you. We'll dive into everything from landing that dream nursing job to slaying imposter syndrome, and most importantly, how to keep that spark alive and stay the vibrant and amazing nurse that you are. So if you're ready to tackle the things nursing school did not cover, like how to build a career, trust yourself, and keep your passion strong, then get comfortable because we are about to dive in and make nurse life the best life. Today I want to use this episode to talk about what success really looks like as a nurse. I think our society has pushed this narrative that a successful nurse is someone working in a high stress, high-intensity environment like the ICU, the ER, or even flight nursing. We see these storylines on TV, on social media, and we hear incredible stories from nurses in these specialties that make us feel like that's what we should be striving for too. In nursing school, we're often told that we should always be pushing for more, more certifications, more responsibility, more education. I remember one of my instructors saying repeatedly, it's not if you go back to school, but when you go back to school. And while there's nothing wrong with wanting to work in a high-stakes environment or wanting to go back for your master's degree, I think sometimes the lines start to blur between what we actually want and what we think we're supposed to want. So the purpose of this episode is to challenge the way we define success in nursing and maybe get you to pause for a second and reevaluate your career, your goals, and what success really looks like for you in this season of life. By the way, thanks for hitting play on today's episode. Congratulations on being here and clearly wanting to be the most successful version of you, despite what society thinks or is telling you. Okay, let's dive in. So, why do so many of us associate success in nursing with high stress specialties like the ICU, ER, trauma, flight nursing, or going back to school for advanced degrees? I think a lot of that starts in nursing school. The culture in nursing school often pushes the idea that you should always be striving for the next level. You should go to the ICU, you should get your critical care experience, you should go back for your master's, you should become a nurse practitioner or a CRNA or some type of nurse leader or educator. Always more and more and more. And then on top of that, social media pushes this idea too. We see these highlight reels of nurses in intense situations, saving lives, working in high acuity units, and it makes it seem like that's what a real nurse looks like. And TV shows definitely don't help that either. Shows like Gray's Anatomy, ER, The Pit, they all focus on the most dramatic high-stakes situations. And of course they do, because that's what good TV is. But when that's what we constantly see, it's easy to start believing that the more intense your job is, the more successful you must be. And if I'm being honest, I think part of it is internal too. We want adrenaline, we want to prove ourselves, we want to feel capable, we want validation. There's something about working in a high stress environment that makes you feel like you've made it, like you earned your place, like you are doing something important. And there's nothing wrong with wanting ICU or ER or wanting to go back to school or wanting to challenge yourself. But the problem is when we start to believe that that's the only way to be successful. Sometimes we end up chasing prestige rather than fulfillment. Sometimes we pick the job that sounds the most impressive instead of the job that actually fits our life. And this brings me to the reality of working in a high stress environment long term. Working 36 hours a week or more in a setting where your adrenaline is always high, where the stakes are always high, where you constantly feel like you have to be on the alert and on the go, that takes a toll. Your body doesn't always know the difference between an emergency at work and danger in real life. So your cortisol is up in these environments. Your nervous system is on the edge. And when that happens, shift after shift after shift, it can start to wear on you. It can look like burnout, it can look like anxiety before your shifts, it can cause trouble sleeping the night before work. It can be emotionally draining for you. By the time you get home, you are just down and out. And you feel like you have nothing left to give to your family, your friends, or yourself outside of work. It can also look like compassion fatigue, where you care so much for your patients that eventually you feel numb. And sometimes it looks like slowly losing yourself outside of work because your job takes so much energy that there isn't much left for anything else. And I think this is an important reminder: being in survival mode every shift isn't always growth. Sometimes it's just simply survival. Just because something is hard doesn't mean it's the right path forever or the right path for you. Sometimes we stay in environments that are draining us because we think leaving means we failed, or that we couldn't handle it, or that we're not as strong as other nurses, or leaving it means we don't have that label anymore. We don't get that prestige, we don't get that recognition. But success isn't about how much stress you can tolerate. Success is about finding a role that allows you to be a good nurse and still have a life outside of work. Because success isn't the specialty. Success is how your job fits into your life. And if your job only works on paper, but not in real life, that's not success. So if success isn't defined by how stressful your job is, then what does success actually look like as a nurse? I think success in nursing has a lot less to do with the specialty that you're in. So it doesn't have to do with the ICU, the ER, MedSearch, whatever you want to, whatever specialty you're in, but it has a lot more to do with how you feel in the role that you're in. Success can mean providing good care to your patients no matter where you work. It can mean feeling confident in your role and knowing that you can handle anything that comes your way in your work environment. It can mean feeling confident in your assessment skills, trusting your judgment, and knowing when something isn't right. Success can look like advocating for your patients, speaking up when it matters, and knowing that your presence makes a difference. Success can also look like thinking critically, growing your knowledge, and continuing to learn over time. It can also look like feeling respected at work, feeling supported by your coworkers, feeling like your voice matters on whatever unit you're on. And honestly, success can simply mean that your job fits into your life in a way that feels sustainable. If your job allows you to be a good nurse, take care of yourself, and still have energy for the people and things you love outside of work, that is success. I also think success changes depending on the season of life that you're in. I heard someone say recently that your work should be meaningful. And it doesn't have to be meaningful just in the workplace, but it has to add meaning to your life. And that really stuck with me. Meaningful doesn't always mean exciting. It doesn't always mean high stress. It means that your work adds value to your life instead of taking everything out of you. And what feels meaningful can look very different depending on where you are in life. When you're a new grad, success might mean learning as much as you can, building your confidence, getting through your shifts without feeling overwhelmed. If you're a parent, success might mean flexibility, having a schedule that lets you be present with your family, having a job that doesn't leave you completely drained when you get home. If you're burned out, success might mean peace. A job that is less stressful, one that causes less anxiety before your shift. A job that feels like you can breathe again. If you're ambitious and in a growth phase, success might mean challenge, taking on something new, going back to school, trying a different specialty. If you're building something outside of nursing, success might mean freedom, having options, creating a life that feels more aligned with who you are now. And I also want to say something about money here because I think this is another place where we can get really confused about what success actually means. Of course, we all want to be compensated fairly for the work we do. Nursing is hard work, and it makes sense to want a salary that reflects that. There's nothing wrong with wanting to make more money, wanting to advance, and wanting financial stability. But I don't think success should be defined only by how much money you make. I've seen nurses go back to school, spend years getting their nurse practitioner degree, take on student loans, take on more responsibility, and then end up in roles that pay the same as bedside nursing or just a few dollars more an hour. And sometimes the stress that comes with those roles is significantly higher. It also comes with more responsibility, more pressure, more expectations, and less flexibility. And when you look at the whole picture, you start to realize that the extra money doesn't always equal a better life. Sometimes we assume that moving up automatically means moving forward, but that's not always true. Success isn't just about making the most money possible, it's about finding a role where the compensation, the stress level, the schedule, and your overall quality of life actually makes sense together. Because if you're making more money, but you're exhausted, you're anxious, you're unhappy all the time, that doesn't really feel like success. At least not to me. And this goes back to what we were talking about before. Success looks different depending on the season of life that you're in. For some people, success is chasing the next level. For others, success is protecting their peace. For some, success is financial growth. For others, success is flexibility, time with family, or simply enjoying life outside of work. Success isn't one job title. It isn't a specific specialty, it isn't a certain degree. Success is alignment with the season of life that you're in. And something else I've been thinking about a lot lately when it comes to success is the idea of whether something is adding to your life or taking from your life. I heard someone talk about this recently and it stuck with me. The idea was that everything we do either adds energy to our life or it slowly takes energy away from us. And sometimes that's not obvious right away. Sometimes something looks good on paper. Sometimes it sounds impressive. Sometimes other people think it's the right move. But if you really pay attention to how you feel, you can tell whether something is adding to your life or draining you. I remember hearing Macy McNeely. She is the founder of Sales Girls. She's an amazing entrepreneur, but she talks about this concept and she gave an example that has nothing to do with nursing, but it has made so much sense to me. She was talking about how even things like alcohol can take you out of your life instead of adding to it. She describes this moment where her business hit a big milestone and her team wanted to celebrate. So her first thought was, oh yeah, let's pour some margaritas, let's have a good time. And then she stopped and thought, wait, I don't actually want to numb this moment. I want to feel it fully. I want to be present for it. And that idea really stuck with me. Some things don't add to your life, they just take you out of it. And when I think about nursing, I think this applies so much to our careers too. Does your job add energy to your life or does it take energy away? Does it give you a sense of purpose or does it leave you feeling drained all the time? Does it allow you to live your life outside of work or does it take so much from you that there's nothing left when you get home? Does it make you feel proud of what you do, or does it leave you feeling depleted? And this doesn't mean every shift has to feel amazing. Nursing is hard. There are always going to be those stressful days. But overall, your job shouldn't make you feel like you're slowly losing yourself. Your job shouldn't numb your life. It should support your life. It should allow you to show up for your patients, but also show up for your family, your friends, your hobbies, your health, and the things that make you feel like yourself outside of work. And sometimes realizing that something is taking more from you than it's giving is the first sign that it might actually be time for change. Not because you failed, not because you couldn't handle it, but because you've grown and what used to fit your life doesn't fit anymore. Maybe the definition of success has now changed for you because the season of life that you're in has also changed. I want to share a story with you. In nursing school, all I ever wanted was to be an ICU nurse. I think part of it was because I knew that's where the sickest of the sick patients were in the hospital. And part of it was also because my mom, who is an incredible nurse, was an ICU nurse. And I wanted to be as smart as her and as great of a nurse as her. So I'm not too proud to admit that I really put the ICU specialty on a pedestal. In my mind, that was the ultimate goal. I thought if I could work in the ICU, I would learn everything there is to know about nursing. And after that, I could go anywhere or do anything. Well, fast forward, I have been out of nursing school for close to 14 years and well into my nursing career. And I am happy to say that I actually have never worked a day in the ICU. And not only that, I've come to realize that I probably wouldn't even thrive in that environment. Over the years, I've learned a lot about myself and I realized that I actually like a fast-paced environment. And honestly, an environment that's more chaotic than an ICU. I love variety. I like not knowing what's coming next. And I like thinking on my feet. That's why most of my bedside career ended up being in the ER, because that was the best fit for my personality and my strengths. And that was one of the first times that I realized that success wasn't about what sounded the most impressive. It was about what actually fit who I was. Another story I want to share is about going back to school because for a long time I also had it in my head that getting a master's degree was part of the plan to success. I knew I didn't want to be a nurse practitioner, but I still felt like I should go back to school. Like that's just the next step in my career. I ended up going back for my Master's of science in nursing in management and leadership because I thought management was what I wanted to do. I worked really hard for that degree. I went through my MSN program during my first two pregnancies, the births of my first two kids, and the postpartum seasons of my first two kids. And I remember even submitting discussion posts from the hospital bed after having my first baby. And looking back, that is really wild that I didn't have boundaries there. But that's a whole nother discussion. So eventually I finished my degree and I moved into nursing management and I stayed in that role for close to four years. From the outside, it looked like success. I had my master's degree. I was in leadership. I had a well-over six-figure salaried position, but inside I was miserable. It was honestly a hard pill to swallow because I had spent so much money, time, effort getting that degree. And I thought that was what success was supposed to look like. But the job felt completely soul sucking. I remember having moments where I thought, how did I get here? How did I end up this unhappy? What do I do next? How am I gonna make it the next 20 to 30 years of my career in this management position? Was getting my master's a mistake. What do I actually want in my next nursing role? And that was a huge wake-up call for me because I realized I had never really defined my own version of success. I had been following what I thought I was supposed to do instead of asking myself what I actually wanted my life to look like. And after a lot of thinking and reflecting, I realized something so important. I didn't want my job to be my whole life. I wanted a job that complemented my life, not one that consumed it. After leaving management, I ended up in a remote role. And for that season of my life, that felt like success. I could get my kids on and off the bus. I could work on the go, I could start dinner on time, I could drive my kids to their activities, I could be present at home and still have a career. And in that season, success didn't look like a title or a degree or a salary. Success looked like having a job and being a present mom at that same time. Something else that I've noticed, both in my own career and in talking with so many other nurses, is that there are usually signs when your definition of success is starting to change. And these signs don't always come in a big dramatic moment. Sometimes it's more subtle. Sometimes it feels like something's off, even if you can't explain exactly what it is. It might look like more anxiety before your shifts just because you dread being there when that never used to happen. It might look like being detached at work, like you're going through the motions, but you're not really fulfilled anymore. It might look like wanting more balance in your life instead of always wanting the next challenge. It might look like wanting flexibility or a schedule that actually works for your life. Sometimes it's realizing that what used to excite you just doesn't excite you anymore. Or the things you used to chase don't feel as important now. You might start wanting different kinds of challenges. You might want more time with your family, you might want space for hobbies, creativity, or just time to be yourself outside of work. You might feel this pull to grow in a different direction, even if you don't know what that direction is. And when that starts to happen, a lot of nurses think something is wrong, or they're battling burnout, or they think they made the wrong choice, or they also think they may not be strong enough to handle the job anymore. But sometimes it's not that you failed. Sometimes it's that you grew, you've evolved, you've changed, which means so has the definition of success for you. The version of success that you had before just doesn't fit who you are anymore. So if success isn't one specialty, one degree, or a specific title, then what should success as a nurse actually look like? And I think it can be a lot simpler than what we make it out to be. But success might look like showing up to work without the pit in your stomach before every shift. It might look like leaving work feeling like you did your best even if the day was hard. Success might look like having enough energy when you get home to enjoy your life outside of work. Not feeling completely drained every time you walk through the door. It might look like not dreading your schedule, not counting down the days until your next stretch off, not feeling like your whole life revolves around your next shift. Success can look like feeling confident in your skills, knowing that you are a good nurse, and trusting yourself in the role that you're in. It might look like having time for your family, time for your friends, time for hobbies, time for your health. Success might even look like that attaching your entire identity to nursing, knowing that being a nurse is something you do, but it's not the only thing that defines you. And I think one of the biggest signs of success is when your job actually supports your life instead of taking over your life. Your career should fit into your life and not replace it. Because at the end of the day, the goal isn't just to be the most impressive nurse on paper. The goal is to build a career that allows you to be a good nurse and still have a life that feels full, meaningful, and sustainable. I know that someday, if we are to imagine ourselves lying on our deathbed, and I know this sounds morbid, we are not gonna think to ourselves, man, I wish I furthered my degree, or darn, I really wish I, you know, had done flight nursing, or I wish I worked harder, or I wish I picked up more shifts. We're not gonna be thinking that at the end of the day, at the end of our life, we're going to be thinking about I wish I was happier, or I'm so glad I pivoted the way I did. We're gonna be wishing that we did more of what made us happy, what brought us. Joy. Okay. The goal is to build a career that allows you to be a good nurse and still have a life that feels full, meaningful, and sustainable. And you might want to pause for a second and ask yourself if you're not sure what success means, what does success actually look like for me right now? Not what my coworkers think, not what social media thinks, not what my professors in nursing school said it is, but what does success look like in my life in this season? Does success meaning having more time with my family? Does it mean feeling less anxious before work? Does it mean making more money? Does it mean flexibility? Does it mean learning something new? Or does it mean just having peace in the workplace? Because the answer to that question can change, and that is okay. We should be asking ourselves these questions every so many months, especially when the season of our life changes. If you're not sure what success looks like for you right now, here are some questions that you can ask yourself or even journal to for more clarity. How do I feel when I go to work? How do I feel when I come home from work? What kind of life do I want outside of my job? What kind of schedule actually works for me right now? What do I need more of in my life? And what do I need less of? Sometimes defining success isn't about choosing the most impressive job, but it's actually about choosing the job that allows you to live the life you actually want. And I think one of the biggest lessons I've learned in my nursing career is that you don't have to stay in one role forever. We sometimes put so much pressure on ourselves to pick the right specialty, the right degree, the right job. Like once we choose something, we're locked in it for the rest of our career. But that's not how it works. And it's definitely not how life works. You're allowed to want different things at different points in your life. You're allowed to outgrow roles that used to feel exciting. You're allowed to realize that something you worked for really hard isn't actually what you want anymore. Just like me and my management degree. That doesn't mean that you made a mistake. It means you learned something about yourself. And the truth is, the longer you're in this profession, the more that you change and evolve and learn about yourself. Priorities, life, responsibilities all change, right? And it makes sense that you define your success to match that. Sometimes the reason we feel restless isn't because something's wrong, but it's because you're meant for a different season. You're meant to slow down. You're meant to try something new. You're meant to step away from the environment that you thought would be maybe your forever home. And again, the goal is not to impress other people. It's not to have the most intense job or the highest degree or a title that sounds really great when you say it out loud. There's no competition here, okay? The goal is to build a life that you actually enjoy living. And your career should support that life, not make you feel stuck inside of it. Again, if we're on our deathbed someday, we are not going to be thinking about our career, likely. We're not going to be thinking, I wish I worked harder, I wish I picked up more shifts, I wish I went for flight nursing, I wish I furthered my degree. No, we're going to be thinking about the joys in life. Maybe we're going to be wishing we did more of our hobbies or had more of a creative outlet or spent more time with family. The things that really matter. So if this episode made you realize that your idea of success might be changing, I just want you to know that you're not alone. Again, success isn't a job title or a certain specialty or a specific degree. Success changes over time. And it changes as quickly as you grow. Sometimes it's peace and flexibility, or it looks like having options, and sometimes success just looks like waking up and not dreading the day ahead of you. A successful nursing career isn't the most intense one. It's the one that allows you to live a life that feels good to you. Life after nursing school isn't about chasing the most impressive job. It's about building a career that actually fits who you are becoming. And the more you give yourself permission to define success on your terms, the more freedom you'll feel in your career and honestly in your life too. Freedom to be the best version of you. All right, my friend. As always, I have one hand for me and the other for you. Signing off. Well, that's it for today's episode of Life After Nursing School. I hope you feel more confident and ready to tackle the challenges that come with starting your nursing career. Remember, the first year or two might not be easy, but with the right mindset, you can overcome anything. If you found value in today's episode, I'd love for you to hit that subscribe button so you never miss a future episode. Also, please consider leaving a review on your favorite podcast platform. It helps so much in reaching other new nurses like you. Thanks for listening, and remember, you've got this. Take care and see you next time.