His and Her perspective podcast
A space where we dive into the real, raw and remarkable journey of life. From navigating relationships and healing through heartbreak to finding purpose, embracing change, and showing up for yourself daily. This podcast is all about growth,authenticity and meaningful conversations. Wether you are in the middle of major life shift or simply looking for a moment of reflection, you will find comfort, insight,and reminder that you are never alone in this journey. So sit back and come on the ride that will change your way of life forever.
His and Her perspective podcast
“Healing, Hurt & Holding On: Real Talk on Love, Loss & Growth”
In this deeply honest and emotional episode, Life Coach Jaquard Daniels and special guest Lady A open up about relationships, heartbreak, and healing. From navigating soul ties and emotional neglect to embracing celibacy, therapy, and rediscovering self-worth, this powerful conversation explores the real-life lessons we learn when we choose to grow through what we go through. Raw, reflective, and sometimes funny—this episode is a soulful reminder that you're not alone, and it's never too late to show up for yourself.
What's up? What's up, everybody? This is your boy, your favorite life coach, Jaquard Daniels. And I'm here with my special friend, Lady A.
SPEAKER_00:Lady A is in the building. What's up? What's going on, J-Man?
SPEAKER_01:Nothing much. Listen, it's Sunday. And we are just here having a general conversation. And we're able to just kind of just... Just vibe and just have us a good time, because we ain't here for a long time, but we're here for a good time. That's right.
SPEAKER_00:We're going
SPEAKER_01:to get it. We're going to get it. That's why we had to get this mic together just now. We're going to get it, okay?
SPEAKER_00:This time we recording.
SPEAKER_01:We are recording, because y'all, we started recording for 12 minutes straight, and I promise the God, we was having a good, deep dialogue, and boom. It was nothing. It was nothing. We just got torn down. I said, God, but guess what? We're here. We're here. So listen. I would say we're going to start back from where we started from, but y'all wouldn't know where we was. So listen,
SPEAKER_00:I'm going
SPEAKER_01:to start fresh. Okay. So by starting fresh, let's just ask the question. If you knew what you knew now in this present day, what would you change about your current situation that you're in?
SPEAKER_00:If I knew now, Oh, my goodness. I would change so much as far as when it comes to going back to school. I probably would have joined the military, honestly. Really? I would have joined the military. Yes, I would have. I would have left here. There is nothing good other than the four children that I have for me here. I definitely would have left South Carolina. I would have figured it out. I would have joined the military and I'd be living a dream, you know, maybe married and. living a good life or maybe not, but I still live a good life. Don't get me wrong. So you don't have to be married to live the good life. But what I'm saying is I think if I had to join the military, leaving the nest, what I knew, leaving familiar, you know, sometimes we stay complacent because we're comfortable. I would have gotten uncomfortable if I known then what I know now. I would have gotten uncomfortable because I feel like now that I've been put in position to be uncomfortable, I move different. And when I say I move different, I move more for me. I move more for my children. My faith is stronger. I find balance in any and everything that I do without overstepping or crossing over boundaries or letting anybody cross me anymore. For a long time, I sat complacent and comfortable. And I think that's what happens to a lot of us is we just become complacent and comfortable with life. In your current, what would you change?
SPEAKER_01:I would probably would say that I would have shown up for myself a lot more like I'm doing now. I remember there was a period in time in my life where I believed in putting everybody else first before I put myself in. Not really... homing in on the stuff that i really needed for me um you know i come from a single parent background it was just me and my mom and everything and i one thing i realized and i had to learn um through this journey that i'm in that she wasn't in tune with her emotions um The perks of having old parents and you a young child. So she wasn't in tune with her emotions, but she had that child that was very in tune with his emotions, but didn't know how to channel them. There was a lot of arguing, a lot of fighting.
SPEAKER_00:Do you think she missed a lot as far as your mindsets, your education? Could she have steered you in a different direction? direction if she was more in tune with who you are or who you was growing up?
SPEAKER_01:I'm honestly going to say yes. And the reason why I'm going to say yes and I'm going to say no. I'm going to talk about the yes part. The yes part of it was if she would have been able to help me navigate through my emotions that I had as a young man in a single parent home, I wouldn't have went out to go search for it in other ways.
SPEAKER_00:And we all know when we go and search for things in other ways.
SPEAKER_01:A lot
SPEAKER_00:of things
SPEAKER_01:can
SPEAKER_00:happen. A lot of things can happen and not always good things. That was definitely me growing up when I decided to branch out because I wasn't getting the love and attention and affection that I needed at home. My mama was definitely there. Not emotionally in tune with who I was. And that caused a lot of stress, a lot of aggravation. I went looking for love in all the wrong places. First time I get out into the world. First time I get that first piece. Get that itch. I get it. I got the itch and it needed to be scratched. And that first time brought my oldest son home. into the world. Oh, so your first time, my first time, people say, you know, Hey, we here for a good time. Not a long time. It was definitely a good time.
SPEAKER_01:And now you have a long time.
SPEAKER_00:About a grace to God. I probably, you know, he's, he's a good kid. He's 24 years old. He's striving, living life, doing this thing. So, but if my mom was more emotionally in tune with who I was just as a child, um, You know, I struggle with so much my skin complexion. I was a teeny little thing. So my weight was an issue. And I'm short. And we all know that short people have a complex. So I always felt like I had to overextend or overdo it to get my point across. Because I always felt like I was looking up to the person that was in my face.
UNKNOWN:Wow.
SPEAKER_01:so yeah it's funny that you said that that you always had to look up to the person um in your face but nobody never looked down in your face um I remember there was a period of time in my life where um life was good life was good I mean life is not bad now but I was I was thriving I was you know I was in a relationship um And this is me being transparent. I was in a relationship that it was very publicized. Everybody knew us and they saw us and they, it was like, Oh, y'all look so cute and everything like that. And, um, that's the outside looking in. It's the outside looking in. Um, after that relationship ended, um, you know, I, I went through a very bad depression. Like it was just like, Oh my God. Like I felt like a failure, uh, Because beforehand, I was single for eight years. Just devoting my life to, you know, my godchildren and my work and, you know, my family dynamic and everything like that, because that was family for me.
SPEAKER_00:Do you feel like social media played a part in the departure of that relationship or the demise of that relationship?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, God. Social media did play a big part. It played a big part, but also understanding emotional wounds that was there way before you even got there. And one thing I know about me, who I'm a caretaker, I'm a helper, I'm a giver. I never take the time out to analyze the situation before I get into it. I just dive in. Head first. Oh, I know all about that. And honey, it definitely, it taught me a lot. A real transparent moment for me. When I was transitioning out that relationship, I remember when it started. It started early July, actually after a trip. And I was just like, something just is not right. I just don't feel good. I don't know what it is. I was like, my God, are you transitioning me in some way? Like, I feel you transitioning me. And I just like, whatever it is, let me leave as gracefully as I need to
SPEAKER_00:do.
SPEAKER_01:Because if I don't, I won't steward me again correctly. Like in the past, I steward myself wrong because of loneliness. But this time I said, I can't afford to dwell in loneliness anymore. So I really gonna have to figure out what to do and how to do this. So when I decide to end the relationship, I had to be prepared for the ridicule, the emotional disconnect, The social media. The social media.
SPEAKER_00:The social media wants to know what happened.
SPEAKER_01:They still, they probably still after this many years, they still want to know what
SPEAKER_00:happened. Because when the relationship is publicized like that, when the breakup happens, we want to know why the breakup happened. Yeah. When I was, me and my husband separated, nobody knew we were separated because when people would see me, They would say, hey, you know, how is... And I would say, oh, he's good. And when people saw him and asked him the same thing, he would say, oh, she's good because I was good and he was good. We were very publicized in that marriage. And I do believe social media played a part in it a lot because the women were in the inbox. They loved the man in uniform. So that man in uniform... was there for them in ways that shouldn't have happened. But hey, it happened. But when you publicize a relationship such as social media, Facebook, Snap, Twitter, Instagram, MySpace, everybody wants to know. When the breakup happens, we all want to know, well, whose side are we on? Whose side are we supposed to be taking when the breakup happens? It's just like a woman when she's pregnant. In the whole nine months, she's showing us this, and we pretty much did the baby shower from the house and the gender reveal. Now, when you have that baby, you don't want to show us the picture. You want to show us the curly hair, our little finger. I told no baby. We want to see Facebook, baby. It's like we want to see that Facebook relationship, and we want to know why that marriage or that relationship ended and whose fault was it. So we can take sides.
SPEAKER_01:Can we talk about that? Taking sides. This is, this is a very, um, this is a very deep moment for me. I, when the transition happened, I decided that the first person I was going to forgive was my partner. Um, at the time, um, I forgave him because I didn't set that emotional boundary to understand that you was battling something that you've been experiencing since you was a child. The environment that you was in has something to do with it because we was all from the same environment. So I forgave him first.
SPEAKER_00:Do we ignore the red flags for it? For the sake of just being happy in that moment. Because if the flags were there. If the flags was there. If the flags was there. Why? What was the reason? Why did you go forward? Even now. Now that you've healed and things are good. When you look back on those red flags. When you look back on that situation. Do you see the red flags? Would you have stayed? as long as you did?
SPEAKER_01:Honestly, because I might be 34 now. I was, what, 29. If I knew what I knew now, would I have stayed? I would have stayed, but I would have acknowledged the red flags. I would have communicated what was I seeing, and I would have put that out in the forefront. where I did not do that. But how do you truly know what a red flag is if you never came from a home where you saw the parent date? See, my mom started dealing with my dad. She never dated again. A man never walked into my mother's home. And even if her classmates would come by who were men, they would never go past that. the living room chair. The living room chair was literally sit at the door and she would make sure that you would never walk past that.
SPEAKER_00:So your mom never dated again? She never dated
SPEAKER_01:again. To be 74 and she's still not dating now. And I hate that for her because I think she's never going to allow herself to feel love. And I saw myself becoming that after my last relationship. And that was the most scariest thing to see. Love my mom. Respect her. I think that she's a great mom. Now, does she get on my nerves? Yes. Yes, she does. They all do. They all do. But I wish that she would allow herself the opportunity to feel that agape love that they talk about in the Bible and stuff like that.
SPEAKER_00:Do you think that she's so broken from whatever happened between her... her and your dad that kept her from moving on in life. Because a lot of times I know just being hurt, nobody wants to experience that hurt again, like me now. My last hurt was a hurt I'll never forget. I dated a man for four years. We running up and down the road, looking at property, talking about buying a house, getting married. only to realize he lived a double life. And he married a woman two years ago. Kept it from me. I found out on social media. Never once came to me and said, hey, I'm seeing somebody else. There was no red flags. And so sometimes we can miss those red flags because I just feel like he intentionally kept everything from me. When things started coming out, I can laugh about it now because I go to therapy. Lord, I'm telling y'all, therapy has taken me to heights that I never thought. Shout out to therapy. Shout out to therapy. It's a great thing. It is definitely a great thing. You know, when people mention prom now, I kind of cringe. And I'll tell you why. Dating this man... Jakar, Coach J. It was a roller coaster. Everything about it. But it was fun times. It was never a dull moment. And now when people mention prom, and I'm like, wow, prom, you know why? Because instead of taking his niece to prom like he told me he was going to do, he was taking engagement photos. So when people mention prom, I automatically think back to, wow, I was dating a man. during the era when prom was going on, that he skipped out on his knees and took his now wife to take engagement photos. Oh, let me tell you, that's a story for another time. But it was a lot, and I've had to unpack that in therapy. Nothing about it is easy. People will downplay therapy, but I'm telling you, without therapy in my village, and I love a village, Without it, I wouldn't be who I am today, walking in my truth, smiling on the outside and not hurting on the inside. Because, you know, as people, we'll laugh all day long because we mask in that pain. You know, we mask in that pain from the inside. We don't want anybody, oh, you know, I'm the tough girl. One of my girlfriends would always say, I never knew you were going through anything because you always smile. Well, I couldn't have any emotional breakdowns all the time. I got four children to take care of. You know, they depend on me. So if mama's down, they're down. And I couldn't have that. So as a woman, just as a person, period, probably, I'll say women because we feel like women love harder. Not that men don't love hard and they don't get hurt. I won't negate that. That does happen. But women tend to love a little harder than men. What do you think?
SPEAKER_01:I do feel that women... do with their emotions a little bit stronger than men. But they also was taught to do that. Y'all was taught to be emotional creatures when men was not taught to be emotional creatures. We was only taught to be providers and do these things and set the tone, set the atmosphere for the house. But we was never taught to deal with your wife. Or your girlfriend. In an emotional state. In an emotional state. That's why most couples, married couples, to be exact, when they have children and the wife is down in them six weeks or in the first three to four months, we're going to say five months, the husband does not know how to be there emotionally because he does not know that she is experiencing something brand new, something that she produced outside of her womb. And now it's crying and I can't identify this cry or it's sleeping, but I don't know if it's sleeping or it's slipping away. I think we should start teaching our men to be emotionally available for their women their wives, women, whatever you want to call it, you know, tomato, tomato, heterosexual, unheterosexual, all that in general.
SPEAKER_00:You have to be there for your partner emotionally. But I think sometimes when it comes to men, when it's their time to be emotional, they see it as I'm being a wimp. You know, I don't have time to be sad and cry and, you know, watch you go through all of this. When I had my oldest son, It was me. And I had my parents to help me with my son. But when it came time for the emotional part, his dad was like, why are you crying? I don't know. I'm crying because the baby crying. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. You know, everybody gives you this false thing of sleep when the baby's sleeping. Man, you can't sleep when that baby's sleeping. Who's going to wash clothes and wash dishes? Because this man wants to who's provided. He's not emotionally attached, but he's now the man that is working and providing. So when he comes home, he wants dinner. So if I'm sleeping and no dinner, then that man is upset. So I had to learn to block off my emotions. And that's a dangerous thing when you learn to block off emotions because then nothing matters. Nothing matters. And when nothing matters, anything can happen.
SPEAKER_01:I remember, it's funny that you said it was a season in my life where I taught myself about no connection. Oh, let me tell you something. That was a really, that was a really treacherous time in my life. And let me explain to our audience. You can train yourself not to be emotionally available for people so bad that when you have connections with them, now, listen, connection can be anything of these sorts, spiritual, emotional, physical, emotional, You name it. Okay. To pick your battles of which one you want to say, but I'm just going to go there. I remember I had to be 23. So it had to be like 10 years ago. Um, I was dealing with somebody. It was, uh, It was probably just like a positive. It was supposed to be like a hit it and quit it and stuff like that. But it was more just soul time. It was just more soul time. It was like more soul time. It was just a good time. And they told me that you don't ever let me spend a night at your house. Now, mind you, my house, my apartment was nice. Everywhere I stayed there, I didn't. I kept a clean house, okay? I
SPEAKER_00:can confirm.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, you can confirm. My house has always been clean. It's been clean. Okay, I got all the stuff you need in there, okay? Everything, everything. But he never could understand, like, why don't you let me spend the night? And I'll never forget one day I just said, let me go ahead and let you know something. You treated me like convenience, okay? So since you treated me like convenience, I treat you like convenience. I have no emotional tie to you. What we do in the 15 to 30 minutes that you're here for is it. There's no physical connection. And people say, oh, I just can't, you know, give my body to somebody like that and not have a physical connection. I train myself for that. eight years before I met my ex to do that. And then after me and my ex broke up, did I go through another year of doing that? I did, I think a year and a half before I met my current partner now who is a very amazing guy. It's a lot of work. I had to put a lot of work in that because I had to learn how to release the old version of myself who would shun you off and who would write you off and who would just do all those things to learn how to be a softer version of myself. And in doing that, it helps him to learn how to be a softer version for himself. It's a beautiful thing when you learn how to see you in that mirror versus seeing the reflection of what you thought you see. And Just being in that type of environment, one thing I would say that I would have changed in my past situation, and I say this very positive, no, very positive, I would have probably would have kept my friends out of my relationship.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, yes, absolutely. Let me tell you, in this new season, and I'm not dating, single, I'm going
SPEAKER_01:to be that way. You said you're single. I'm definitely single. Y'all, she's single, y'all. So we don't know if she's single and mingling, but she's single.
SPEAKER_00:No single, no mingle. I decided that a celibacy life was what I needed in this new journey. And being celibate is not easy.
SPEAKER_01:It's not for the faint heart. Okay. It
SPEAKER_00:is
SPEAKER_01:not. You see this economy out here. Okay. These bills, these bills will make you say, you know. They're adding up. They're adding up. Some of y'all who are in y'all situations, let's go ahead and say this. The way how this economy is, I understand we are on a, I am a life coach, but I'm not a fool. Okay. Some of y'all may need to stay in y'all situation until you get your finances correct. Okay.
SPEAKER_00:Well, that was not me. I could no longer. My last situation, I couldn't stay in that. That was somebody else's husband. So we definitely needed to part ways. And when I parted ways, it definitely, it was not just emotional. It was emotional. It was physical. It was mental. It was financially. Everything about that relationship for four years went away. You got to think this was my person. This was somebody I traveled with. I slept with pretty much every single night. So when people might listen to this and say, well, you dated a man for four years and didn't know, didn't know, didn't know there was another woman, had no reason to know. He never showed that side of him. And even once he got married, I still never really knew that that's what happened. So tuning into the celibacy life, I had to separate my soul, separate myself from people. A soul tie is dangerous. And when you are in that moment with your person or somebody you think is your person, and then you get up, the instant gratification is gone. So what do you have left? You don't have anything left. So if you're looking for somebody when it comes to the... physical side of it so that they can take care of you financially, you're going to find yourself in an emotional triangle that you didn't ask for. And that's dangerous. That's extra dangerous. So to me, as a woman who is now enjoying the celibacy life, is it easy? No. It is not easy. Can you say it one more time? No. Say
SPEAKER_01:it for the people in the back.
SPEAKER_00:I want y'all to know, living a life of celibacy, It's not easy. It's not entertaining. Because when you meet men who want you for that physical attraction, they don't want to get to know you on any level. I will say I have met somebody who I think he is definitely emotionally in tune with what I have going on. So he doesn't push the envelope. He is free to do whatever he wants, just not with me. But I've also said that if that happens, I'll part ways because I don't want to be connected to somebody that I'm growing an emotional attachment to who has a soul tie with someone else. Am I wrong?
SPEAKER_01:So you're not wrong. You're not wrong. We actually want to talk about that.
SPEAKER_00:Let's
SPEAKER_01:dive a little. Let's go there. Let's go there. I remember I was talking with a client one day and she met a man. I remember, let's back up, a couple of months prior, she went to church and she asked God, like, God, you know, I really, I desire to be a wife. I desire to experience those things and, you know, Be with a man who wants me for me and all of me. Okay. So I asked her, when you decide to do that, I want you to take your hands off of it and allow it to happen. She met her current fiance. Yeah. A couple of months after that. And she has done everything in her power. to self-sabotage her current situation to the point that she would ask questions to me when we do our one-on-one session. She said, I can't cook. And I don't know how I'm going to cook for all five of us because it was fitting to have a blended family. She said, then she was like, you know, sometimes I just like my space and I don't want to be bothered. And then she was just like, oh my God, do he likes my goofy laugh? So I just, I literally was listening to her just break herself down. And I said, let's take a step back. I said, why do you keep allowing yourself to self-sabotage something that's good for you?
SPEAKER_00:It's the fear of the unknown. It is. It's hard. Even me in my current situation, and we aren't, Seriously, dating, we are getting to know each other and it's going well, but we definitely are taking it slow. And I've tried a few times to just go away. I'm not used to him. I'm not used to a man opening the doors or you become accustomed to what has been put in front of you. So here this man is opening doors. When I speak to him, it's yes, beautiful. You know, how was your day? You're not used to it. And a few times I've caught myself saying, well, you know, let me go about my business because I'm not sure. And it's the fear of the unknown. When I say I'm not sure, I'm definitely sure that he's a good man, but I'm not sure that I know what to do with that good man, which is crazy because I'm a good woman. But because of the hurt, the disrespect, It's hard to put yourself out there and just be like, well, I'm just going to be open to everything. And one of the things he says to me when I'll say, gosh, you know, I'm blushing or something like that. And he'll say, you know, get used to it. It lets me know that that's the long haul, even though it's not a relationship just yet. He's letting me know that you are beautiful. I am going to open the door. Get used to it. I am going to ask you how your day is going. I am going to show up randomly for you. I'm going to be there to pick you up. I'll be there for you. You can pick up the phone and call. We can talk through just about anything. He even understands my therapy, which is really, really great. But my biggest concern when I brought forth my celibacy, how would he take it? Would he run? Because the average man... They want the body, the physical. They
SPEAKER_01:want the body. They want the body. Oh, you know,
SPEAKER_00:we are sexual creatures. You know, and you know, I have to be, I feel like I have to be poised. I have to kind of watch some of the things I say and watch some of the things I do because I don't want to entice him and then keep saying, well, I'm not ready. I'm not ready. Not that he's asking, but at the same time, I got to make sure that I'm not trying to entice him, but then pull away. So I'm very careful about some of the things I say, some of the things I do. We had a conversation on yesterday about my tone and my delivery on things and how sometimes I'm not aware of what I say. And he reminded me, you are a very beautiful woman. You're very attracted and I'm very attracted to you. But you don't do anything to say, hey, we got to break the celibacy rule or that sort. So, you know, when he, I ain't going to say he agreed, but when he said, well, he's going through his journey as well. So when he said, well, yeah, I don't have a problem with it. I was like, yeah, I'm going to test that kind of water. I'm going to call that phone sometimes at night, see if he answer because I got to make sure he ain't so talented.
SPEAKER_01:Can we be transparent real quick? Number one, I want to thank you for being able to be so transparent in that moment. Especially because, you know, we've been friends a long time. So if I would have known you was going through that, I definitely would have reached out. But also understand that in that season, you may need it to be by yourself.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, I did. I felt like God was saying, okay, I'm going to sit you down because you're all over the place and you're doing some of everything. I'm going to sit you down. And there wasn't many, there wasn't, I'm going to say there wasn't anybody. There was one person and then we're both connected to her that knew what I was going through, but she didn't know in the beginning.
SPEAKER_02:Right.
SPEAKER_00:But this, this friend saw me lose it all. And when I say lose it all, I lost it all. Not just due to him, but partly. And I, and I, You don't know how to call somebody and say, hey, listen, the man I've been dating for four years, running up and down the road for marriage, somebody else. I mean, you knew about him because, I mean, we hung out. And I couldn't call anybody, Jaquard. I think it was, I think I was ashamed. I was embarrassed that I'd let a man, not even a man, I'd let another human come in my life and disrupt my world. When I say disrupt my world, I mean he disrupt my world. And in the past six months, I always laugh and I tell everybody I've changed my address, my phone number and my job. So the people that were connected to me years ago no longer have that connection to me. So I know that, you know, moving forward, I'm going to be careful about in the dating life. Nobody will get that. So you won't get that soul time. You won't get these
SPEAKER_02:cookies.
SPEAKER_00:They won't get them. They don't deserve. And I'll say this. Nobody deserves all of me for nothing. If I'm going to give you me, you're going to give me you. And if I got to wait to be married, this go around. Baby, I'm going to be married. I'm going to have to pray. You're
SPEAKER_01:going
SPEAKER_00:to have to pray with that. The flesh is weak sometimes. But you know what? I'm not weak in that moment anymore. I used to be. But I felt like I was weak for the man. But I'm no longer weak in those moments. I spend time with this man. I spend a lot of alone time with him. And there's nothing... We don't draw the line. We don't cross that line. We don't make it uncomfortable for one another. I think maybe sometimes I do, but not intentionally. So I think he's kind of trying to, you know, wheel that back to make sure that he stays respectful in that moment. And it's fine because I'm not weak. I used to be. Now, seven or eight months ago, It was rough. It was, it was, it was hard. It was, it was different because you're so used to, and for four years, you know, it was the same man. So it was routine. Right. You know, I saw this man, I dated this man. So, you know, yeah, it was, it was common. And as people in the flat, we, you know, I'm only human, only human. And I definitely had that soul tie and that connection with him. So, I'm praying in this new season and what I have going on in this world, that that connection, because the attraction is definitely there. I'm very much attracted to him.
SPEAKER_02:Okay.
SPEAKER_00:But I don't, I don't necessarily feel like I have to sleep with him to gain anything because I may lose. I'm not going to gamble on this one.
SPEAKER_01:It's funny that you say that, which, I want to piggyback off of something that you said. You said, I'm never going to allow myself, never going to allow a man or anybody to treat me as such. A lot of that stems from emotional coping. And a lot of people don't understand that you have a good side of emotional coping, you have a bad side. So I actually have some points that I've taught on my own TikTok about emotional coping. So emotional coping comes in two different sides. You have your good side and then you have your not so good side. So unhealthy emotional coping would be self-doubt, talking down on yourself, lack of motivation. The healthiness would be you set boundary. You have the abundant motivation to do better in life. You have a clear mind and you can focus on what's in front of you instead of what's behind you.
SPEAKER_02:Oh,
SPEAKER_01:definitely. Which also equals a positive mindset. Now, the biggest thing, and this is for our listeners too, so I want to make sure y'all taking these information down because it's very important. When you are the unhealthy version of yourself in emotional coping, you walk around with unsolved past traumas. You also reject anybody who looks like positivity in your life. Definitely. You do a lot of negative self-talk. You don't identify your purpose, but you put it in confusion. Oh,
SPEAKER_00:definitely.
SPEAKER_01:Also, you go through toxic relationship and a lack of emotional awareness. Now, your healthy side, which is very, very... It's always been there. But situations cause it not to come out. So a healthy emotional coping looks like emotionally aware, your mindfulness of your peace and your quiet time. You have clear communication. You have a routine of self-care. Rather than get your hair done, go have a nice cocktail, have your glass of wine, go read a book. You know, that's very, very healthy. You learn things. how to value the basic living of your life, not the luxury living that you had this fantasy in your mind. And you learn how to outgrow unhealthiness. And one of the key things that I'm gonna leave you with is you create a healthy emotional outlook of how you look at things. I want you to understand that in this transition that you're going through right now, this is your healthy emotional outlook because you're allowing yourself to be a softer woman, to be a woman of good faith and good stewardship.
SPEAKER_00:He's definitely put me in my soft girl era. And I hadn't, I don't think I've ever been in that soft girl era where I'm just, I'm allowing things. When he opens the door, When he first did it, I was like, okay, oh, different. Okay, so he opens doors. He communicates well. He's very intentional when it comes to me. His communication is top notch. And when I say being put in my soft girl era, I'm not worried. I'm not calling his phone a thousand times a day because I don't have to. I trust where he says he's going, what he's doing, who he's with. And there's balance. We have our time. Say it again. There's the balance.
SPEAKER_01:I want you to say that one more
SPEAKER_00:time. There's the balance.
SPEAKER_01:What kind of balance?
SPEAKER_00:There's the balance of his time, my time. He's very respectful that during the week I'm a mama and I'm going to cook. I'm going to do homework now that school's back in session.
SPEAKER_01:Homework.
SPEAKER_00:Homework, homework. But I also make sure, even if I can't see him for hours on end, It's the few minutes of I just want to look into your face or I need to see you. It's definitely I'm learning balance where before I didn't want to learn balance. You know, I care if I didn't see anybody, but I care if I see him. So I make sure that I put in that time and I balance. I'm a mom. I want to be a wife. I want to be a good friend. I want to have my social life and I want to have me time. So when you start the dating and the emotional part of it and you're healed, you have to compile everything together, every part that you want together. You have to put it together. It's definitely balance. It's not easy. You can say, well, I'm going to make sure I got date night and this and this and that and the fourth. And it just don't always work out like that. It does not. It just doesn't. You have to find the balance. And I'm learning to find the balance in this new season. And I'm not letting. Well, I'm not going to say that I'm not letting, but I don't have to. Be so gung-ho about everything. If he has his time and I'm off doing my thing, it's okay because we're still communicating and we're growing. And when you're growing, I always say, in this new season, I'm glowing and I'm growing through everything. Good. I'm finding my purpose. And that is amazing. For a long time, I was lost. And I feel like, you know, going to church, but no, I'm found. I'm free.
SPEAKER_01:Hallelujah.
SPEAKER_00:Praise him. Oh, we praise him for that. I'm happy, healed, and healthy. And this didn't just happen. And Jakara, I will say this, Coach J, J-Man, Jakara, whatever you want me to call you. I have a lot of names, y'all. So we will
SPEAKER_01:talk about that later, maybe in the next episode.
SPEAKER_00:I do. I do want you to know that. In my last season, when I was going through, I did have to go through without telling some of the people that I knew or that I know love me. So, you know, I apologize for being distant, quiet, ashamed, embarrassed, hurt, broken, a mess. I used to think I would never... After going through this, I didn't think I would come back to be me. And I won't be the same person I was. But this is a better version of me. A much better version of me. So, you know, we live and we learn, definitely. And I'm living and I'm learning every day. Good things happen. Good things can happen. They will happen. Always. You got to put forth the effort and you got to, you just got to relax, man. I'm telling you, you got to relax and speak the positivity and be around people who, who mean you good. And people say, well, I don't know. You know who, you know, you know, when you pick up that phone or when you look at your phone, you'd be like, oh, it's such and such calling. Well, yeah, I'm going to put, you know, I'm not going to talk to them today. you're not going to talk to them because they're spewing so much negativity. Be with people who encourage you daily. Talk to people who want to see you do good. And that's, I mean, genuinely want to see. People say, I want to see you do good, but sometimes not as good as them. So you have to be careful with your friends. Like I just told you, the only person that knew Besides God, what I was going through is that one friend you and I connected to. Oh, my God. Shout out
SPEAKER_01:to her,
SPEAKER_00:y'all. She's amazing.
SPEAKER_01:She's
SPEAKER_00:a phenomenal friend to us. Phenomenal. Phenomenal. She picks up pieces like nobody's business. And she definitely was there for me in my darkest moments, holding that head up, telling me, you know, you're going to get through this. And I didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I didn't think there was light at the end of the tunnel.
SPEAKER_01:I think, first off, I want to let you know that I appreciate the apology. And I also respect the letting the wall down to be able to open up about that. As life goes on, we're going to experience this thing called, I call it the emotional rollercoaster of life. You're going to go through the season of happiness. You're going to go through the season of sadness. You're going to go through the season of brokenness. And you're going to go through the season of transition. In each part of those scenarios, a little piece of your old self dies so it can give birth to the new version of you and the new perspectives that you see. I never will forget when I decided that I was going to go full out and change my career. And I told myself, and I talked to God, and I was like, okay, God, I want to be this coach. I don't want to just be any type of life coach. I know I want to deal with the emotional state because that's something that everybody who was connected to me or around me struggled with. But really, It was me who was struggling with
SPEAKER_00:it. I was going to ask, is it because it was personal?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, it
SPEAKER_00:was. Do you take this personal?
SPEAKER_01:I was real personal this time. That's why I knew when I decided that I was going to have to cut my days at work to go to school. I told myself and I told God, I said, God, I can't let nobody know about this. I'm going to have to really just be me and you. In this wilderness. Now, mind you, we have been in the wilderness before together. But I had a little extra help on the side. But I'll never forget when I submitted the request to go back to school to learn the things that I'm learning. Well, I already knew the things. I just got to know how to present it in a such way. I told myself, I said, Jaguar, nobody will know that you're in school. Jaquard, nobody will not know why you're taking off an extra day during the week for a couple amount of hours. You will pay for this out of pocket. So I'm adding another$500-something bill to your already expensive overhead that you already got. He also told me, he said... you will be tested, especially in your current relationship. Cause you want, you want to make sure that the stuff that you're learning that you can put into value of what you're currently in now in the current friendships that you are attaining. And I never forget when I decided to be obedient and when I decided to walk that path, I was like, okay, God, like I, I'm gonna make it happen. I'm going to be a little, scared I hear okay but you know I know that you got me and I never forget in June I posted that I graduated and 800 and I think 820 something people like congratulate me they was like we did not know now some of them expected something because they saw that my social media went from posting about hair color and all this stuff to How do you feel and how how do you you handle this emotional disconnect and stuff like that? So when people started seeing that, they were just I wasn't getting no likes or nothing like that. I was just getting like, oh, OK, maybe you're just going through something and he's just doing this. But what I was doing is I was I had to water me. for the first time in my life, I said, instead of watering somebody else, I'm going to water me. I'm going to pour into me. I got to release what I need to release because I'm on an assignment to make sure that nobody has to experience the emotional disconnect that I experienced, um, in the seasons of my life that I did it. I also realized that, um, the approval that I feel like I wanted from my parents will not come in this season of me doing it. Because they don't understand who I am as their child and as an adult. And I had to make sure that I was going to be okay with that. A part of me was going to get emotional when, you know, somebody else got the recognition about something that they got. And I asked, well, did you see what I just did? And the response was, oh, that's nice. And hearing that from a parent is very hard and it's very detrimental to your life. But I also had to realize, why do I have to worry about two people who was not connected in their emotional state? Why I have 800 something people who saw me, who know me, and they congratulate me to the point that now I'm helping heal people who never had a chance to heal or who never had the opportunity to see the outlet. Um, so my friends are starting to say that, you know, Jagron, we're used to you clapping back and now you, you, you leave with so much grace. Now I say it cause I allow myself to leave with grace, um, because I'm emotionally inclined and emotionally self-aware and have the emotion of, um, emotional self-esteem to understand that I'm confident in who I am and what the abilities I have. And even if you don't see the vision of the new version of me, it is okay. Even if you don't see the new version of me that may not do much longer, I am still in the process of just realizing that even in the darkest soil, A beautiful flower can be birthed.
SPEAKER_00:Absolutely. And you are walking into your new. And when you start walking into your new, you know, you attract new people, new things, new adventures. And so sometimes, like I told you earlier, the fear of the unknown, right? But once you are comfortable, like I got to get comfortable with this mic. Once you become comfortable again, but not too comfortable that you sit there, but comfortable in your new season, everything will continue to flow. What I've learned in this new season is definitely to put God first. In my old season, there was a man that was before God. And that's one of the biggest reasons I'm sure God removed him from me because... Yeah, I didn't run the church on Sundays. I was with him and what he wanted to do, running up and down the road. I mean, you know, we weren't brought up like that. Where was we on Sunday?
SPEAKER_01:We was at church.
SPEAKER_00:Macedonian missionary.
SPEAKER_01:And I was at Marcoma
SPEAKER_00:Baptist. So when I ran away from God, God brought me back. He put me in a lonely state.
UNKNOWN:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:to make me understand, well, you can't do this without me. So I'll remove this and I'll remove that and I'll take this from you and I'll take this from you and I'll take this from you and I'll take this from you. In my old season, I lost a lot. But did I actually lose? And that's what I'm learning now. Did I actually lose? The heartbreak was real, but did I actually lose? Because what I feel now is It's complete joy. And when I tell you it's complete joy, when I wake up in the morning now, before my feet hit the floor, before I touch my phone, I thank God that I am alive and well and that my children are alive and well. And I'm still here in this capacity to be able to take care of them because that old relationship almost took me out. And when I say took me out, I mean, take me out. No longer here. That friend that we're connected to saved me from me. Saved me from probably doing some of the craziest things in the world. So when you are stepping into this new truth, this new purpose, this new emotional thing that you got going on, you're building people up. I'm ready. I'm ready to watch it all unfold. I love to watch your TikToks, man. I watch you on Facebook. It's amazing to see what you're doing. And with me, like I feel like now, I don't longer post the crazy stuff about a sad relationship or, you know, just anything crazy. It's usually about, you know, Garrison and his antics of... Taking a bowl of grapes.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, if y'all want to see something funny, make sure y'all follow Amanda on Facebook.
SPEAKER_00:It's Amanda Richardson.
SPEAKER_01:Listen, because her son, her son, if you have a bad day. You just got to go look at him because he would just put on the craziest things. The day that he put on that Spider-Man with them glasses and that cape, I was just like, you know what? He was going grocery shopping. And I was really like, well, Amanda, you know, he said, she said something so profound and you don't know how much that actually kind of helped me. She said, today, I don't have time for it. So whatever you want to do today. Yeah. I'm just going to let you do it. And how many of us in life should just let it just happen instead of we try to plan things out? The funny thing about this, when we decided to do this podcast, She reached out to me. She's like, you're going to be my co-host. And I was like, no, girl. No, you know, we're two different people now. Okay. Now we put stuff together. But, you know, this is going to be something. And when I talk in front of a lot of people in my current career, which will eventually be my past career, I talk in front of a lot of people, you know, like demonstrations and stuff like that. So, you know, being on the mic wasn't a problem. I just had to make sure that I was at a level that I can allow my friend to be able to be comfortable and that she can shine in her light and her truth of what she wants to do. And I want to say this. Sometimes we have to learn how to dim our light, not in a bad way, in a good way, so that we can allow somebody else to shine brighter because they didn't know that they can shine as bright as they really can. Being humble enough to say, hey, in this season right here, I need to be the person who take the notes versus the person to be heard. Or I need to be the person to carry the clothes versus the one who had the clothes on. Or I need to be okay with, I don't have to Get in the car first. Let me open the door for you and let you in. Because in this season, that's what we're going to have to do.
SPEAKER_00:And it's okay. It's okay. It is definitely okay to let somebody else shine. It is definitely okay. And I need to correct that. I said Amanda Richardson. I'm sorry. I'm Amanda Mack. On social media.
SPEAKER_01:Mack. Yes. Okay. Okay. She's a Mack. Okay. So if you look up Amanda Richardson. You
SPEAKER_00:ain't going to find me. She's
SPEAKER_01:gone. She no longer exists. Or you may pull up my classmate.
SPEAKER_00:Okay. You know, Amanda Mack is here.
SPEAKER_01:Lady A. She's in the building. Lady A is in the building with Coach J.
SPEAKER_00:With Coach J. And this has been amazing, Jacquard. I am so excited. that we are going to take this journey together. It's going to be a big journey, y'all. It's going to be a big journey because I got different dreams. I got bigger than St. Louis.
SPEAKER_01:You know, this is Texas. And this ain't no hold down. I don't know. We in South Carolina, it's a little hot here, so we might need to... It's a little cool outside today. A little brisk.
SPEAKER_00:A little fresh air. You know, it's Leo season.
SPEAKER_01:Y'all, man, let's have a birthday. It's coming up. My birthday's after that. So we're going to let her be great.
SPEAKER_00:We're going to let me be great. And we're going to have this Sunday fun day.
SPEAKER_01:Sunday
SPEAKER_00:fun day. It's going to be a good time with good people, good drinks, good food, good entertainment.
SPEAKER_01:I just thought about something. We can't leave this podcast without giving them something that they need to work on. So let me ask you this question. What is three things that you would leave for somebody right now who's in a transition like you? In
SPEAKER_00:a transition like me, the three things I would leave is learn to love yourself, surround yourself with positive people, and continue to keep God first. That's the only way. Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, I like that.
UNKNOWN:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:If I could leave people with three things that they would need to know, I want you to be okay with walking in the uncomfortability of becoming you. I want you to allow yourself to go through the labor pains of the new journey. And number three, I want you to become the captain of your ship and don't ever let nobody else steer the way. steer you in the way that you don't see fit. And with that being said, we want to thank you for having this conversation with us, being a positive life, because remember that you are only one emotion away from your breakthrough. And if nobody else didn't tell you this, I know Amanda is going to tell you this, that we love you. We are here for you. And we're just a call away. Hi,
SPEAKER_00:this is Lady A signing off.
SPEAKER_01:And this is Coach J.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you for listening.