"Friends, Pet Peeves & Birthday Vibes: Navigating Real Talk & Real Growth"

It’s Leo season and Lady A is in full birthday mode! In this candid and hilarious episode of Him and Hers Perspective Podcast, Lady A and Coach J sit down for a real, raw, and often funny conversation about friendship dynamics, pet peeves, and growing through life’s transitions.

From calling out loud chewers and plate-packers to deep discussions about friendship breakups, grieving connections, and choosing growth — this episode hits all the highs and the heart. Whether you’re laughing at jalapeño chip confessions or resonating with the pain of outgrowing friends, this one is packed with both fun and feelings.

 Plus: It’s Lady A’s birthday week! So tune in, celebrate with us, and don’t forget to drop those birthday shoutouts. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Hey, hey, welcome to this week's Him and Hers Perspective Podcast. This is Lady A sitting in with my main man. Coach J in the building, y'all. How y'all doing? Amanda. What it is? What's going on? It's my birthday week. Y'all, it is her birthday weekend. Leo season. I am not ready. And anybody who has to be around her around this week, we just want to give you a hand clap of praise because you're going to be going through a whole lot. But we are here. We are live and in color. I don't know how we end up wearing the same color today. Listen, y'all can't see it on the podcast, but listen, we are right here in the studio ready to give you some fun. Some laughter, a little bit of seriousness. Oh, seriousness. Come on now, get the words out. Can't get it out, but guess what though, it's okay. Tongue twisted, tongue tied. A little tongue tied, but it's okay. Let's get that together, they friend, before we get started. So, now listen, we can start off with something fun or we can go straight in. Let's start off with a pet peeve of anything. What's your pet peeve? My pet peeves... I need you to show up for me the way how I show up for you. That is a pet peeve for me. That's your pet peeve? Yeah, that's a big pet peeve for me. My pet peeve is people who chew too loud. I mean, you went a little too deep with that one. My goodness, friend. I mean, a pet peeve should be something that annoys you. So it annoys you when people don't show up for you? First of all, you said you don't like when people chew too loud? Yeah, that's a pet peeve. There have been several occasions that we have went out to eat together and you have chewed loud. Well, that's why I don't like, and I feel like I'm loud, especially when I'm eating chips or something. You know, I just kind of, I'll be like, Lord, I can hear. And when I'm at work and I got my chips and I have my headphones in, I wonder, can they hear me behind me when I'm chewing on my chips, like my jalapeno chips? You still like those? I love them. God, that's wild. So maybe a pet peeve for me on a non-serious note. There you go. I'm going to be honest with you. Yeah. People who do not come to a function and bring something. But want to leave with all the damn plates? But want to leave with all the food. I got an aunt like that. I know some people, they be like, oh, why you didn't invite me to the party? It's because you don't ever bring anything. I got an aunt that don't bring nothing but herself. But when she leave, before she leave, she done pack three or four plates before anybody eat. Is the aunt still... Here. Yeah, she live. Oh, okay. Sorry, aunt. Just letting you know, don't come. That's your niece house to eat when I bring you something. Not just to my house. Anybody house. Anybody house. Not anybody house. Anybody house. Especially grandma house. She go first one and they packing up a plate ready to go. Sis. Can you let everybody eat the damn food? You know what? Can we all eat? Can we say grace? Oh, how are you going to say grace? I just want to know how you're going to say grace. God is good. Amen. Let's eat. That's why. That's right. Right there. That is a pet peeve. So listen, we're going to bring it in. I like that, man. I like that. So listen. When y'all listen to this episode, I want y'all to make sure y'all tell Amanda, happy birthday. This comes out Wednesday, so. And my birthday is Sunday. So listen. But y'all can send those shout outs all week long. I'm taking them. Please. Yeah. And you know how you can actually help us out is download, subscribe to his and her perspective podcast. We want to make sure that we keep this going live and in color. So let's get into today's topic. How about friendships? Friendships. You got to be careful how you, you know, call people a friend because everybody's not a friend. Some people you just fuck with and you just got to know that. And, you know, they're not necessarily a friend. When we talking about friendships, you got to make sure that that person is a friend. What's your dynamic? Because everybody's dynamic of friendship. It's not the same. So I would say this. My friendships have changed over the course of many years because I have changed who I am. So since I am changing, my friendship circle is changing. And, you know, you have to have select friends for certain things. Most definitely. Most definitely. Every friend doesn't get... The personal side. Some people get the business side. Some people get the party side. Some get the church side. And you can't tell every friend everything that you have going on because everybody's not going to understand what it is. So would you say, do your friendship changes from 30 to 40? Oh, definitely. You definitely want to be around people that want to see growth, right? Want to see you grow. Want to see you push. Want to see you on top. Not those folks who still want to party in club. Don't get me wrong because I love to have a good time. Oh, I love putting boots on the ground a little bit. I don't want to put no damn boots on the ground. That ain't what the hell I want to do. I want to put on me a pair of flip flops and I want to go to the jazz bar and I want to sing and dance and eat me some tater skins or something. I don't want to put no boots on the ground. That ain't what I want to do. Is it because your ankle's bad? My knee bad. Oh. My knee bad. Not me. I still got a good... Wow, for my knees to be going. Knocking on the door at 50. But you look good. Thank you. You look good, friend. Thank you. So let me ask you this question. What is one major thing that you have learned about friendship and grieving friendships in this new season that you're walking in? Trustworthy. Trustworthy. I'm one of those people. Once I can't trust you no more, I can't fool with you no more. I got a new one that says I cut them off at the head and leave them for dead. Say that again. I cut them off at the head and leave them for dead. Say it one more time for the people in the back. Cut them off at the head and leave the motherfuckers for dead. You just can't. When people draw, when people cross you and you allow them back in, you're only allowing that hurt to continue. Whether it's a friendship, a relationship, it could be a relationship with your parents. Anybody. That's definitely true. When you create friendships in your new season of life, you tend to go on a path of, I call it like soul searching. Like, are you this type of friend for this season of my life? For me, you know, I have a lot of people that I call a friend in my past. And then now in this new season, it's very, very, Some friends became associates. Some associates became do not answer or do not resuscitate. That's only because I decided to do that because of the journey I was on. Prime example, when I decided to go to school to become a life coach, I did not tell my friends what I was doing. I waited until I had to be at least three months in before I allowed one friend to know that I was doing this. And the response was, so what make you do that? Or, you know, you don't want to do hair no more? I said, y'all, it's not that I don't want to do hair anymore. I am in the transition to a new version of me, which requests different types of friendships. and different type of places that I have to be at. That does not make you a bad person, but right now I may not be the type of friend that you need in your life because I'm on a different journey. Interesting. Well, when I'm dealing with friendships now, I'm always looking for, you know, what are you doing to make sure that that you're growing in this season. I hate picking up the phone for people and all you're doing is complaining. So nothing's good. Something in your life got to be good. It's just a bad situation when you can look at your phone and somebody calling and you're like, damn, not today. Not today. Just not the damn day. So I want my friends to be growing. Business, mental health, physically, financially, emotionally, spiritually. If you ain't growing and I'm growing, you looking at me, you might be telling everybody else I'm starting to think I'm better than you or the next person when all I'm trying to do is just further what I got going on. Like right now, I'm on the fence about what's going to be my next venture. Whether I'm going to go back to school or what am I going to do? What's next for Lady A? What's next for me? So it's funny that you said that because Since I am thinking about doing something different, why I am doing something different, I still have to factor out, okay, how do this look for me? And then how do it look for my friendships? And I'll be honest with you, I'm in a season that if I have to be my only friend, I'm okay with that right now. Because If I don't steward myself correctly and be the best friend that I know how to be to myself first, I'm going to be a terrible friend to everybody else. You know, I'm not going to be able to handle anything else that my other friends got going on because I'm not whole and I'm not full because I hadn't treated myself as the best friend as I deserve. So what would you say? How do you navigate through grieving your past friendships? I really don't. I'm going to say I don't grieve. I just let it go. When it's over, it's over. When the friendship is gone, it's just gone. Maybe I might think about, well, gosh, I could have called her to do this or I could have called her to do that. But then again, I can just go do it myself. And I can do it by myself or I can call somebody else. I'm not going to. I'm not going to say that I grieve a friendship. I generally just let stuff go. That was one of the things I always said I didn't like about me is when I let you go from being a friend, I never look back. I let you go. Male, female, I can completely walk away and never look back. I don't believe in second chances. You only get to fuck me once. And when you've done that, I definitely got to I got to throw up the do sign and just walk away. So I'm going to give you an experience of something I recently went through last year. Okay. I had some really, really close friends that was in my life. And I was in a transition of going through depression. Very transparent. Don't mind talking about it. And in that depression... I felt that nobody understood what I was going through. And I lashed out on them because they didn't know that something was going on with me. Now, be mindful of what one of my friends, my childhood best friend said to me that I had to respect when she said it. She said, Jaquard, how do we know that you're going through that because you have always been the strong friend. So how do you expect for us to show up for you? And you didn't tell us. And that hit me really, really hard because I never really paid no attention that when I would go through things, they wouldn't know. Because when they were going through things, I was their backbone. And in my mind, I felt like I was conditioned to be that male figure in their life, that best friend, that husband, that boyfriend. that everything and I never allowed them to be that for me so they missed out on a lot of things that I was going through personally mentally emotionally because of my selfishness of not allowing myself to let my wall down to ask for help so you got upset when they couldn't be there when you didn't give them the tools or let them know that you were even going through something. I get, I kind of get that a little bit, but at the same time as a friend, you got to look for the signs. You know, you say certain things that you hadn't been saying, or you move a little different. You got to be able to pick up on it. I got a friend that can pick up when I'm not, when I'm not feeling it. She can sense it. She can tell just by the words that I use or, or, If she's around me, my body language is off. She knows immediately, okay, well, what happened? What did somebody say? What did somebody do? She is Johnny on the spot. Where is some of my other friends? They don't know from a can of paint, and they can't tell you what I got going on because I'm laughing so hard or I'm being that good friend to them. They're not even paying attention that I have moved differently. Nobody's asked, well, gosh, this happened, but what? what made this happen you know recently I feel like I did a whole transition I changed jobs I changed my cell phone number and I moved nobody that I'm gonna say that I call a friend asked me why nobody asked the why now the one friend knows because she was there through it all she picked up on on key points everything was just changing oh yeah she knew She knew I was sitting in Walmart parking lot one morning and she called and I was talking and I was like, I don't care about this and this and that and this and that. And she's like, whoa, that's not how you talk. What's going on? And we went from there and I was able to give her everything that I had bottled up. But nobody else had bothered to ask the question as to why. Most people want you to be there for them. And so that's all I knew. And I'm a nurturer. I like to do good for people. Even if I don't get nothing in return, I'm not looking for anything. That's that Leo spirit. You know, spirit. That's what that is. I'm a lookout. I'm always do good by people within reason. I will. So when I started kind of falling back, nobody asked me why I was falling back. They just assumed that. it was one certain situation and they left it at that, but nobody asked a question. So, you know, when you're a friend, you gotta pay attention to what your friend may be going through, you know, pay attention at that friend that you're used to talking to every day. Didn't call you today, or you didn't get a text from that friend. Don't just assume that friend pissy about something called that friend. You don't, you never know what someone is going through. That's correct. You know, Just ask the question. And even if they don't tell you, send them a message and let them know I'm here for you. If you need me, call me. And if you can't pick up the phone and call, send me a text message. You know, there are a lot of avenues to get somebody. It's funny that you just said that because it made me think about my friendships now that I have. And I see a lot of different things in my friends now. that I never seen before, or I was too blind eye to see it. It was the blind eye. Those red flags are always there now. You just got to pay attention. It definitely was some red flags, but let me tell you something that made me realize something. It don't make them a bad person. You just see it for what it is. Now, one of my friends is my male best friend. We got into it recently over my dog. Y'all have a dog named Ginger, love her to death, but she gets on my nerves. So she stays with my best friend majority of the time. I just, I'm just out here living my best life while the dog was my best friend. So mind you, the dog was in her heat cycle. So, you know, I know about heat cycles because I work with women all day and stuff like that. So, you know, I understand. So, wait a minute. Are you comparing women to the dog and the heat cycle? Hey, I'm going to be honest with you because they go through the same thing. Wait a minute now. Hey, call it what you want. Listen, this is a funny story, so we're just going to keep it at that. So, as the dog go through the heat cycle, as women go through heat cycle. We don't go through no damn heat cycle. You throw up when you're that time of the month. Come on. I don't throw up. Well, you're old, baby. That's why. I'm talking about for the younger people. So they throw up. I didn't throw up even when I was young. We're going to have to stand on this one. Oh, okay. That's fine. I mean, the dog and women in a heat cycle. And you know, you have to change stuff out. Like women change stuff out. So I was explaining to him that, you know, she's okay. Like we don't have to take her to the vet because there's nothing wrong with her. She's in a heat cycle. Something wrong with her. She just throwing up and then she got diarrhea. It's common when they have a menstrual. I said, you should know because you was in the house with four women. Well, he saw that because I live with my mom and my sister. And then there was me. And we throw up and then have. Yeah, also was old. And we have diarrhea because our cycle was on. That's just some shit. Somebody told you. You just sit here making up stuff. Now, as I was saying. Most dogs, most dogs and everything like that go through a heat cycle and things happen the same way how when men, when women go through their time of the month, they go through things. Let's just say it like that. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Say it like that. Yeah. Dress that up a little bit. We go through some things like a lot. You know, we want some chocolate. Right. We might get pissed off because, you know, men do dumb shit.

UNKNOWN: 19:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 19:08

But not, you know what I'm saying? We ain't got diarrhea and throwing up. Well, sometimes that happens, you know, especially when you finally prayed. But either here or there, we're going back to what I was saying. He got mad at me because he felt that I never listened to him. So when he dismissed me, that was the second time him dismissing me. And I said, you know what? This is the second time this happened. I don't like this. So you know what I did? I text him. I called him first, but then I text him. I said, I don't like how dismissive you was to me. This is your second time doing this. And moving forward, if you feel that the dog needs to go to the vet, then take the dog to the vet. You're going to take the dog to the vet because I know out of shadow of a doubt that she's okay. His response to me was, I feel like you just think you know it all. Like, oh, he got really, really defensive. I would have got defensive on you, too. I probably would have. Well, I mean, you know, especially right now, because I'm still on the women in the dog situation. But we're going to go on. Keep going. I'm listening. We can honor that. So we're going to back up this. So this is what I said. Moving forward, you call the vet and ask them. But what I'm going to do. is call the vet myself on Monday and get all the information that you want, okay? And if I offended you, I do apologize. So Monday came, I called the vet. When I explained the vet all what happened, guess what the vet said? What did the vet say? The vet said, you're absolutely correct. Dogs will experience human-like things when they're on their heat cycle. And she did compare it because she is a woman veterinarian. She did compare it to women. I don't like her. Don't take him back to that. So when I called him and told him, he was just like, okay, I'm sorry. I just needed clarification. My thing is sometimes in friendships, we become combative because we think that we are know-it-alls and it's okay. not to know everything. There must be a Virgo spirit. Leos ain't like that. We don't, we kind of, I mean, we do know it all. We're mostly celebrities. I just want you to know that. That's how we feel. Not know it all. We're like celebrities in the, you know, to these peasants. To peasants is wild to me. Peasants? Peasants. I just want to let y'all know this is a, this is a safe space. We welcome everybody here. There's no peasants here. So we're just going to let her get through this birthday y'all and she's gonna be back to normal and be humble because if y'all would have saw her last week she wouldn't have she wouldn't have looked like this because she look real fancy so I want to ask you this question ask away and this is just me and you since we just got a few minutes left I want to know from my personal experience have I been a good friend to you Oh my gosh. Coach J, you have always been a good friend to me. From who? From in the church. To the club. We done had some good times. We done had some good times, friend. We have definitely had some good times to growing up and watching you grow. I think you've definitely watched me grow. But yeah, you have always been a good friend to me. There have been times that I probably should have picked up the phone and called, but I didn't. Just not a burden. Don't want to bother nobody. That's just who I am. I'll figure it out before I bother somebody. But you have definitely been that person that if I felt like I needed you, I definitely could have called. I mean, because when I showed up, you showed out each and every time, Nada. You know, when... You know, when our other friend was in Columbia. I don't want to say nobody's name on here. We had us a good time. Hey, our time was always had. Now, you know, hey, listen. But yeah, definitely a good friend. Definitely that friend you can call and talk to and tell them different things and not have to worry about the world knowing what you got going on. Because if I told you, I might have not have told Susan. So how the hell Susan know? Well, they didn't know for me because I'm going to keep my mouth closed. Because what you tell me in confidence... That's our bond. Because everybody don't get to know everything. And I think that's where people definitely do wrong. Because if I tell you and then Susie find out, I'm going to be pissed. Because if I wanted Susie to know, I would have told Susie. That's right. And there was a reason I didn't tell Susie. Susie might or not have handled it the way I thought. you know, the way I needed her to handle it, be there for me or just not say anything. Cause now Susie going to run her mouth and she going to tell the next one. And then, well, you know what, man, they got going on. She done been over there. And now that man done left. Now, if I, you know, don't, don't go tell my business. Cause if I wanted the world, you know, I might've would have put it on social media, snap, Twitter, Instagram, you know, anyone in my space, if you want to add it. Right. Right. So have I been a good friend to you, John? Listen, Girl, no. Sorry, I'm just... You have been a phenomenal friend. Let me tell you something. I remember when I realized how much of a great friend you were when you came to me and told me, friend, you lost too much weight. And I looked at you like, I know this heifer did not just say this to me, but I knew that I went through a bad breakup. You talked to me every day. And when you saw me that day, the tears that were in your eyes were just saying, hey, you got to pull yourself together. Now you done spent all these years helping everybody else, putting them up and building them up. And it's time for you to do it. And whatever you need, I got your back. We're going to go out. We're going to have some fun. We're going to let our hair down. I remember when I was getting my shop that I talked to you about it. And he was just like, hey, the secret is with me. And I remember going through that transition, just being so vulnerable. And I want to say thank you. I don't think I ever got a chance to say thank you about that. But I really appreciate that because in that season of my life, I was 29. I went from being, what, 200 and something years. to getting down to like 180. You was looking rough, friend. Oh, you can see my whole neck, okay? You was looking rough. I kind of miss seeing my whole neck now, but at least my stomach ain't big and everything, so I can see everything else. Thank you. But I was always told in order to have a good friend, you had to be a good friend. That's a proven fact. So that's all I know. If you're a good friend to me, I'm going to be a good friend to you. And even if you are even shitty to me, I'll still be a good friend to you, but I'll walk away. and let you be. Peacefully. Well, now, peacefully. Back in my younger days, it probably wasn't all so peaceful. But for now, we're walking in peace. I promise I'll just walk away from you. You will never hear from me again. You will never know I existed. I'll be done. I know we gave a lot of information today. We got to laugh. We got to have a very vulnerable moment. What would you want to tell our followers, our viewers? Two things you want them to leave with today from our conversation. One of the things I'm just going to go back and say is, and if you want to have a good friend, you definitely need to be a good friend. And don't expect you out of other people because you won't get it. Okay. What would you say? I would say, Allow yourself the grace to forgive the friendships that you miss. Because you never know what season in their life that they was in when you was going through your mess and your storm. And also, what I want to leave, be open and honest with yourself when you want new friendships, And a new season that you're walking in. Because every new friendship. Brings new experiences. New perspectives. New dynamics. And new ways of life. And if we don't leave you with nothing else today. We want to let you know that we love you. We're glad that you're here with us. And we always here for a good time. But not a long time. Not a long time friend. Not a long time. Just a little fun. Just a little fun. So until next time. Thank you for tuning in to His and Her Podcast. I am Coach J. I'm Lady A. It is almost my birthday. And happy birthday to Amanda, y'all. Woo! Woo-wee.