“Boundaries, Booty Bread & Bullshit: 8 Unfiltered Rules for Grown Folks”

In this hilarious, no-holds-barred episode of His and Her Perspective Podcast, Coach J and Lady A get all the way real about setting boundaries—in life, love, parenting, and even spending the night. From dealing with takers and broke boyfriends driving your Cavalier, to knowing when to say “nah, sis,” this episode is packed with laughs, life lessons, and unfiltered honesty.

We’re breaking down 8 raw and relatable boundaries every grown person should have—with personal stories, candid convos, and even a PSA about crab leg relationships and polygamy parenting. Plus, we talk “pause culture,” how gay men navigate respect in different spaces, and why you better stop letting folks treat you like the booty piece of the bread. 

⚠️ MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY. No kids allowed in this one.
Tap in, laugh loud, and learn how to draw the damn line.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02: 0:02

What's

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up, what's up, what's up? Listen, we are back again at His and Her Perspective Podcast. And this is your favorite life coach, Coach J. And I'm here with my co-host, Lady A. What's up? What it is? Listen, y'all, we decided we're going to have a little fun on this little podcast today. We're going to make you laugh. Now listen, this is for a mature audience only, okay? So when you listen to this podcast, this one, keep your kids away, okay? Definitely keep the kids away. I feel like this one's getting ready to be with some shit behind it, but come on. There's going to be some things behind it, but we're going to get some understanding when it comes down to these things called boundaries that a lot of us don't have or never had before. Hmm. Got to put motherfuckers in their place. Come on, let's go. So listen, we're going to give you five steps on why you need to make sure you have boundaries in your life. OK, just five. We're not going to give you 10. We're just going to give you five. OK, so we're just going to go for their boundary. Number one. When you allow people to be in your space, you need to let them know. That you set the tone for what you want. Now, let me talk about that a little bit. Because too many of us have allowed people to be in our space and treat us like horse manure. You can say shit. We're grown. You just told the people that. I said that you're going to say that. I'm not going to say that, okay? Just because I walk with Christ doesn't mean you'll walk with me different. Oh, so now we're going to talk about my religion? Well, I'll be okay. I'll see where this is going to be. I just want to let y'all know, number one, understand that when people come into your space, into your world, you have to set the tone for that. Growing up, people did not teach me that boundary. And I promise you, it has led me down a path Of a lot of, ooh, a lot of un-mishapped things that should not have happened. Samantha, Lady A. Boundary number two. Boundary number two. Hit it. Boundary number two. If you're a giver, ooh, make sure you don't get involved with a damn taker. Because they can take you out. So you want to be careful. Can we rewind that? Please say that one more time. And I want you to say it from the back of your back. Ooh. Back of my back? Yeah, with a good bra, Lane Bryant. Oh, no, I wear Victoria's Secret. My titties ain't that big. Don't come for me. Don't come for me. I'm Victoria's Secret kind of girl. That's different. You know what I'm saying? Okay, all right now. Go ahead. I'm sorry. I should have set that boundary right there. Yeah, you got to watch people. So boundary number two is when you are a giver, just make sure you don't connect with a taker. Because I was always told that, you know, a giver... Will give. And give and give. And the taker will take and take. Because you know. The giver don't know how to stop. So you got to know. When you being used. So you can stop. So how about. If you like. Stuff getting taken from you. Well what they taking. Because I don't want them to take my money. Some people are used to being. The taker. Like they so used to. Taking stuff. And allowing people to take things from you. Like money. Clothes, cars. Let's be honest. Some people, baby daddy, take their cars every day to go see the other women. Why they at work? And they don't work no way. And they don't work. I'll never understand that. Now, don't take my car. I ain't never been the one. Well, probably in my younger day. When you was in your 20s? I was probably in my teens. Well, yeah. Okay. You know, I had a little friend. He'd drive my car around. I was a pharmacy tech. And he'd take my little Cavalier. Yo, what? My little Cavalier. Say it again. What kind? That little black Cavalier. 99 on the front is what it said. How did your seatbelt sound when you put it on? It didn't sound. It didn't sound. And you know, I didn't realize what he was doing. So one day he picked me up from work because he had dropped me off. Ass ain't work no way. He did. Now so I can talk about

SPEAKER_02: 4:34

it.

UNKNOWN: 4:34

Oh.

SPEAKER_01: 4:34

Rest in peace. Okay. My badge was missing out the front. You know, I'm big willing. My badge to the front and it hanging up in the rear view mirror in the car. It down low. Mr. Sir, who don't work no way. Why is my badge not hanging up? As time went on, I had to realize this joker dropped me off at work going somewhere else. And he can't let him know that this ain't his car. So he going to go do some work. Right. The work that he doing ain't bringing no money. Not a dollar. Boundary number three. If you're going to allow people to treat you like the booty piece of the bread, you need to make sure Not the booty piece. The booty piece of the bread. Oh, that back end. The back end. That you are okay with them doing that since you are allowing it. Oh, and that was boundary number three. Actually, that's actually boundary number two and a half. We're going to say that's two and a half. So maybe we're going to give them five and a half. Because I feel like so many people say that, oh, I don't get treated like that. Or, you know, I don't do that type of stuff. Yes, you do. They'll be the ones. That means you have not set no boundary because you allow it. But also, you're probably used to it. Because somebody in your family probably still does it or did do it. So do you think people feed off of what went on in the family? I try not to feed off of what went on in my family. But that's just me. I mean, sometimes, you know, you got to overcome the nonsense. Now, if I had a rich family, I'd be want to be just like all the rich people in my family. But just to be like everybody, no. For me, I'm only speaking for me. And this is my transparency and my honesty. Yeah. My upbringing did not talk about boundaries. I didn't also see any boundaries. I saw one boundary. I saw one boundary that is always going to stick with me and I'm going to respect my mama when it comes down to that. You do not let no man come into your house where he do not pay no bills at and he don't lay if he ain't paying. So he got to pay the lay. Well, that's boundary number four. So basically. Maybe three. Maybe three. Remember, we had two. Oh, yeah. Two and a half. Two and a half. So that's three. Okay. Now, my mom. Now, listen. My mama ain't never this lay. Okay. I'm going to be honest with y'all. I know my mother. Okay. I'm going to talk about my mama very well. All right. Okay. I understand. Because she's not going to listen to this. Mama, I love you. My mama taught me this. And I still. And the same person. You don't let nobody come to your house and play in your house if they're not paying to play in your house. And you got to pay to lay. You got to pay to lay. But guess what? She didn't play that at all. She said she is a strong woman. You're not going to come up here and play or lay or do anything while my son is in this house because this is not the type of household that I run. Now, let me let you know something. To this day, I still do not play like that. Now, even though I'm in a relationship. Shout out to being in a relationship. Shout out to being in a relationship. But before that, you got to go home. You think you finna come over here and lay up and do all this stuff? Absolutely not. They get the groceries and go home. Let me tell you something. You come over there. We can chill. We can do whatever you think we finna do. Netflix and chill. Yeah, whatever you want to call it. I mean, but you got to go home. There's no spend the night bag that I have never, ever. I'm taking my spend the night bag. That's fine. That's you. Most people do that, but I'm not doing that because there's a level of respect that I have for myself when it comes down to that because my mama instilled that in me. Now, I can't say that. I ain't went to nobody else's house. And took your spending night bag. And took my spending night bag. But they can't come to your house. But you cannot come to my house. Well, I tell you, that's a double standard there. That's not a double standard. That's a double standard. That's my boundary saying, whatever go on in your house, that's in your house. But in my house, we're going to honor him. We got to follow rules. There's rules. And boundaries. And boundaries. Okay. Now, I would like to ask somebody, you know, we have our wonderful producer on here. I want to ask him how he feels about that because he, you know, he's He's a nice young ladies man. He could be, but he could not be. He's probably not. But we're going to call him Big Dog today. We're not going to give you his real name because that's none of your business. We're going to call him Big Dog. Big Dog. So how do you feel about that?

SPEAKER_00: 9:41

If you're going to go over there and play, it should be mutual. They should be able to come over to your house and play also.

SPEAKER_01: 9:50

So you think that's fair?

SPEAKER_00: 9:51

Yeah. Now that y'all had an agreement, like, hey, we're going to meet up at such and such place, and we ain't got to worry about each other's house. But some people have more access at one house than the other. And seeing as

SPEAKER_01: 10:04

how, you know, if you live alone, you know, they come over, they ought to be able to bring that spending night bag. If you don't pay no bills over here. Ah, damn. What if they buy you something to eat? What are we eating? Let me tell you something. I'm not a steak eater, so I'm a seafood kind of girl. You can give me some crab legs or something. See, that's the problem. That's the problem right there. We need to start having these crab legs type of relationships, and we need to have some real, I want to court you. Now, this is a disclaimer. I like crab legs. I take my partner to go get crab legs. Okay. But my partner also know that we do fine dining at its finest. Okay. Oh, I know Mr. Charles. Charles, Eddie V's, you name it. I'm going to eat it. But if everybody's not like that though. So what if you don't like, you know, to put on a three piece suit and some high heels and because I'm not that kind of woman, I don't want to go to, to hauls and eat steak because i'm not a steak eater that's that's not what i do so it's okay well you can take me to longhorn and get me some salmon i can make my salmon at house but now that's a proven fact yes and i can cook gonna make it today oh that's how yeah so so would you let's say it like this we have some people who have set the boundary of when you court them or talk to them or friend them, they like to do fine dining things sometimes. And then you have other boundaries that are set that say, hey, I don't like to do all that. Give me Longhorn, Olive Garden, which is nothing wrong with those places because I actually still will eat them places. I actually just ate there last week. You just have to know the standard of where that person is and you You and that person need to have that clear understanding. You got to know the person you're dealing with. You got to know the person you're dealing with. Because if you're out buying Louis Vuitton pocketbook for somebody that only carry a cell phone and put their credit cards and debit cards behind their cell phones, you have not learned your person. So that becomes a problem. Can I say something to that? Sure. You also got to realize that everybody who got a Louis Vuitton Neverfull bag... To be exact. Probably shouldn't have it. Should not have it. And also, if you don't have enough money to buy it three times, you probably don't need it. Okay. So we have a lot of set the boundary. Of not looking like money. That you don't have. That you don't have. If you're broke, be damn broke. I'm going to tell you that. Just be a proud broke person because you won't always be like that. I get me a little Walmart bag. I don't even want a pocketbook. You don't? I got one in here today, but I don't know necessarily. What kind is it? It a Michael Kors. There's nothing wrong with Michael Kors. Did you go to Penny's? No, I got it out of Maya's closet. So you stole it from your baby? I did. Maya, if you're listening to this podcast, I'm sorry that your mom took your purse. She's fine with it. She knows her mom and loves me just the same. Because I'm going to put my debit card right here in the back of my phone and I'm going to keep on moving. And we're not going to act like she does that. She does not do that on a daily basis. So outside of that, it be in her bra. Okay? There you go. So listen, I feel like we are on boundary number. Listen, it was only supposed to be five, but I'm Clearly think that this is going to be number five, but we're going to give you some more. So boundary number five, whatever you allow to happen, be okay with the outcome that comes from it. I always say that what you allow will continue. If you allow bullshit, bullshit will continue to happen. No, that's just what it is. It is. If you allow somebody to constantly shit on you and you do nothing about it, then don't get mad when that's all that person does. And then a lot of times when you get tired of it, the person that's been shitting on you, mad that you're tired of it. Set the boundaries in the beginning. Don't let somebody shit on you every day for six months, a year, and then think, oh, well, I'm tired of you shitting on me now. So I'm going to change the dynamics because usually the person that's been shitting on you going to get angry because they so used to it. And that's in any relationship, whether it's a boyfriend, girlfriend, family, friends, whatever it is, that that person is used to doing you a certain kind of way. Then that's just what's going to happen. So would you compare that? I'm going to say it just like this. Are you going to compare that to the PDD situation right now? Because I feel that all these people that are trying to sue him now, that this is just my opinion. Did y'all get tired of him doing what he was doing to y'all? Or did y'all just run out the money? Oh, they probably ran out of money. Oh, okay. Because I feel like y'all, they had a clear understanding and a boundary was set when they signed them NDAs that this was going to happen. That's probably why he gonna walk free. I hope he does walk free. Mm-hmm. I mean, you know, y'all sat in there and let this man piss in your mouth. I don't know. Wait, I don't think he did that. Yeah, he did. I think that was R. Kelly. No. I don't think that was. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. He did. He did. I think he may have just used a little bit of baby oil, but we don't know. You know what? We don't know that. Know what he did. But I'm just saying. We just know that. Y'all allowed it for so long. And they was grown. They was grown. These wasn't little children. Okay. That was grown people. Are they letting that man do all the rub you down with oil? For$250,000? Hey, listen. You know, I done did a lot worse for a lot less, Paul. Strange things for change. Now, let's talk about Paul's. Oh, God. Let's get into Paul's and how is that used? I think you need it. I'm a brand new producer on this one because, you know, tell me about Paul's and when it should be used. And before you go there, I want you just to be as honest as possible when you say this. Listen, y'all, this is a freedom podcast, okay? We're going to be free with who we are in here, okay? Straight, gay, whatever you say. So don't get offended when anybody say anything, because if I'm not going to get offended, nobody else should get offended. Amen? Amen. Thank you. Now, go ahead.

SPEAKER_00: 16:52

So tell me about pause. Pause is like an ongoing joke. It's the black version of that's what she said. Almost. People say it and anything that has something to do with it. It used to be a gay thing, but anything sexual, somebody will say pause. Everybody started saying pause all the time. So we had, you know, people like Cameron making the one no homo was, you know, the same thing as pause. And it really is just a joke. It's not a, People do it. Some people could do it, you know, while they're talking, you know, not not missing a breath or anything like that. But it's something you do with your homeboys. You're out with your homeboys. Oh, man, man, look how big pause. Look how big that thing is. You know, you're catching yourself before they got a time to say, man, you talk crazy. You know, you know, just before the joke is on you, you're censoring yourself. That's all it is. OK, but it's a joke. It's really a play thing that guys do around each other, but it's nationwide now. Nationwide, not New York.

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Listen,

SPEAKER_01: 18:22

so I had had an incident that happened like this recently. I'm going to only speak for me, okay? So I need everybody to come in close and understand this. I don't like, and this is my Paul's statement. Oh girl, get under my skin. It gets under my skin because most gay people, most of us, we like to say, hey girl, hey sis, and all that stuff like that. I don't like the word hey sis. I just don't like that. Call it what you want. I'm a guy. Okay? I'm always going to be a guy. That's what I want to be. That's who I am. So when you address me, please don't call me sis. Or don't say, oh, girl. Say, nah, man. Just say nah, man. Listen, my other gay friends, they be like, Jaquara, why you don't like that? And you gay. I say, y'all, I'm going to be honest with y'all. Do they not know you're a gay man, though? Oh, they know I'm a gay man. Clearly, we can all tell that I am a gay, normal gay man. You say normal gay man. What's a not-so-normal gay man? So are not-so-normal gay men are men that dress up in dresses?

UNKNOWN: 19:42

Yes.

SPEAKER_01: 19:42

No, I'm not going to say that. I'm going to say I am the type of gay man who has set the boundary of when I'm in a certain setting, in a certain environment, I conduct myself in a certain way because of stigmatism that society has put on our community. So when I step into the room, even though you may know that I'm a gay man, I don't conduct myself as a over-the-top gay man. You're a professional gay. I am definitely a professional gay. And if you pay attention, there's a lot of professional gay men out here that they make a lot of money. You make a lot of money? Who? Do you make a lot of money? We're not talking about me. Okay. We're talking about the other ones, okay? Okay. You know some of them? I could. Okay. You know, I could. I mean... Just checking. I mean, you know... I'll say it like this. We all, we all can hang out together. Okay. You know, we all can. You can run with the best of them. I can run with the best of them. Okay. You know, but that doesn't mean just because we have a little coin doesn't mean we can run. Some of us just like to catch a ride. I hear you. You know, because running. So tell me what a not so normal gay man is. That can go one or two ways of how I can say that. So I'm just going to say that. A not so... approachable gay man would be somebody who makes other people uncomfortable because they're doing a little too much. Too extra. Too much. We're going to say too much because extra could be taken a lot further than what it needs to be taken for me and for my circle of other gay men that I associate with. We conduct ourselves very well. We can be in an environment that we are welcome and we are loved and we are amongst other people and other races and other culture, and we get a lot of respect. I actually, when I was in college, I was one of the most respected gay men on my campus because of how I treated everybody else. The hood boys, I treated them well. It was never like I was trying to get with them. The preppy ones, same way. I had enough self-respect for me and how I was raised up that you always conduct yourself in a manner of how you want somebody to see you. So that would bring me. So the boundary of acknowledging who you are in any setting that you are in. Okay. That's number six. That's number six. I think we're going to end it at eight. I think we can end it at eight. I think we can. We only got, we only have a few more minutes to go, but we gonna, we're going to do that. So give me, give me number six. Was it seven? Number seven. Give me number seven. So this would be a boundary for me is when you're in a relationship and you both have children, you know, younger children. Just because you may parent one way doesn't mean he or she may parent the same way. So you got to mind how you talk to somebody else's children or how you treat them. Because where you might be rough and tough with yours or you might curse at yours. don't think you can do the same to somebody else's children. You know, have the respect, you know, the boundary definitely when you're dating a man or a woman who has children. I can respect that. I can respect that. I can respect it from two different points. Number one, there's two different households that are not combined yet. And number two, there was different upbringing that both parents had have experienced that was different from one another. Was it close to similarities? Probably was, but it probably wasn't. So you're going to have to have that healthy boundary with that. But you want to have to also, and this is just me looking on the outside in, given my perspective, you have to be okay with being in a polygamy relationship. And a lot of people say, well, a polygamy relationship. I want you to hear me when I say this. If you have kids with outside people, outside of who you're dating now, you're always going to have a connection with that person. Because if that child is here, you have to have that connection with them out of respect. So you need to ask the partner or the person that you are dating, are you okay with being in this polygamy with me? Because this is something that comes with me. And now if they set that boundary for themselves and say, I cannot handle that, you have to give them that respect because that's what they said. I know plenty of women out here say, I do not want to date a man if he already has a baby mama and a child. Because they have enough self-awareness to know that what's going to come with that, they may not be able to handle it. And you're never going to get that full person because they're always going to have a tie to the other person because of their child. Definitely. So definitely have to look at it from that standpoint. All right. Boundary number eight. Boundary number eight. Whatever you decide to do in your new season that you walk in. Make sure that you allow yourself to be put first before anything. Not letting anybody cross it. Or change your mind as to who you decided to be or what you decided to bring into the new season. Those boundaries can easily be crossed when you are trying to go on a different path. And just not letting anybody cross them. I think that's definitely me in this new season is not letting anybody cross boundaries. Nobody make me want to do what they're doing. I'm going to do my own thing. I'm going to be me in this new season. All of me. I like that. I like that. Listen, one thing I'm going to let you know that this was a fun podcast that we actually did today. And we want to first thank our viewers for coming to his and her perspective podcast where we can be raw, real and heal in this moment. If you don't do nothing else today, I want you to subscribe, follow, share, tag, whatever you need to do, because we are here not only to educate you, we're here to make you feel safe. 365 days out the year. And with that being said, hi, I'm Coach J. And this is Lady A. And we're reporting live. And we're here and in color. And if nobody else didn't tell you this today, we want you and you and you to have an amazing day on purpose. But if you don't, don't go and mess nobody else's day up. Right, Amanda? Right. All right.