Ep. 41: Q/A Prime Habits And What They Cost Q/A

Ep.41: Q/A Prime Habits And What They Cost  

Q/A about the habits that shape your “prime,” the kind of motivation that fades, and the practices that quietly compound over years. We get personal about marriage, fitness, faith, shame, and what it looks like to keep taking steps when life changes seasons. 
• redefining “prime” as who we are now, not just peak performance 
• losing the prove-them-wrong fire and looking for healthier motivation 
• chasing the excitement of the unknown instead of fear of being judged 
• prioritizing a spouse as a compounding life habit 
• fitness as a long-term engine for identity, business, and opportunity 
• being disciplined in the gym while other areas drift out of control 
• using alcohol to shut off an overactive mind and what that hid 
• dropping the spiritual scoreboard and building daily intention 
• “You will never be put to shame” as a turning point 
• celebrating our daughter’s baptism and what steady faith looks like in kids 

Would appreciate you guys to continue to send us in questions. 
Share, subscribe, do all the cool stuff that cool people do with online podcasts and YouTube. 

Be a bro. Share the show. 

Transcript

Welcome And Q And A Setup

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to the Rise and Tries Podcast.

SPEAKER_00 0:23

That was uh thank you to Asa for the intro.

SPEAKER_02 0:27

It was the cutest.

SPEAKER_00 0:30

Nailed it.

SPEAKER_02 0:31

Yes, but he didn't say who we are. I mean, he did say pickles after the shut off because he calls me pickles. Uh but I'm Nikki Rankar with Braxton Cave, and today we are doing QA.

SPEAKER_00 0:45

QA.

SPEAKER_01 0:46

Let me spit them off. Or Jake's take. Yep, Jake's take.

SPEAKER_02 0:49

Jake's take.

SPEAKER_01 0:51

I like that. Alright, we're gonna start

Prime Habits And Losing The Fire

SPEAKER_01 0:53

off. What's the habit you had in your prime that you let slip and what did losing it cost you? So this is basically backing off of the last episode that we did.

SPEAKER_02 1:04

Alright, well, you go first. So what what was that what habit?

SPEAKER_00 1:10

Thanks, Asa.

SPEAKER_02 1:11

Welcome to the podcast. He gets on one time and he thinks he just walking in.

SPEAKER_00 1:15

He runs the show now. Um what's ask me the question again, sorry.

SPEAKER_01 1:22

What's the habit you had in your prime that you let slip and what did losing it cost you?

SPEAKER_00 1:28

Yeah. So, you know, a lot of people would probably are probably gonna be cross-eyed when I say this, given that I played, you know, professional football, but I I feel like I'm in my prime now, like in all facets of my life. Um, like, no, I can't bench press 500 pounds anymore, but like who cares about that? Um, but as far as like my health, um, who I am as a man, who I am as a father, as a husband, um, I think I'm I'm in my prime in comparison to where I was. Um so I wouldn't say I would say the habits that I gave up were greater than I don't feel like I lost anything. Um you know, and that that I don't know, that might sound egotistical to say, but it's not. I mean that's true like from my heart. Like I think you could ask if you if you brought my wife in and asked her the same exact question, she would tell you the same answer. Like I'm a better person today and hopefully tomorrow. Right? I hope that you know I call this whatever this is my prime because I feel like this is the best I've been so far. I hope I hope I can say the same thing five years from now.

SPEAKER_02 2:57

I like that. I feel like I'm in my prime too. Uh however, I would say a habit that I let slip. I don't think it'll make people go cross-eyed, but it's not probably what you would think. The habit that I let slip is I I wanted to prove everybody wrong. I had so many people that told me what I could and couldn't do, what I should and shouldn't do, how I should live my life, how I should be, what I especially when it came to business, when it came to working out, when it came to what I was passionate about. Um I wanted to prove everybody wrong. And I'm not like that anymore. And I feel like I would call it like a fire. Like there was this I have to work so hard, I have to do so much, no stone unchurned, to make sure that they're not right. And to a fault, to where what I would say that I've lost is I've lost some of that fire. Like, because I don't care as much, there's not as much urgency. Um when it comes to competing, like I don't okay, if I'm competing now, it's a pure selfish endeavor. Whereas I would tell you competing was the most selfish thing that I could do when I competed in CrossFit. It was the most selfish thing I could do, but I couldn't not do it because I wanted to prove everybody wrong and show like I can be one of the best in the world.

SPEAKER_00 4:31

So let me ask you a follow-up question to that. No. Is that is that something you want back?

SPEAKER_02 4:38

So that's a great question. I don't think I want that back, but I do want the I meant the fire, not the baseball games. I don't think I want I don't think that I want the fire back in that way. I want the fire, and I actually think I'm finding it. Is I want that excitement back of the unknown. I think because it's I didn't know if I was gonna prove people wrong. I didn't know if I was gonna be one of the best in the world. I didn't know if I'd do anything, but the whole time I was scared beepless, like that I would, that they would be right. So it's that like I don't even know how to explain it, like I don't have that anymore, but I feel I think now this stage that I'm at now is that I'm 42 and I can do things that people still can't do.

SPEAKER_00 5:36

I'm laughing because you just said beepless. He did. No, I know exactly what the minute so my I I laugh because obviously, like when when we play music in the car, it's pretty much worship music or country with the kids in the car. And and so anytime there's a song that has the E, the explicit E on there, the kid the kids know we don't listen to that song. So the kids, my wife will play the our podcast in the car, and one of the episodes had the E on it. And and maybe all of them do.

SPEAKER_01 6:12

I don't know if I do that just in case, but they don't.

SPEAKER_00 6:15

So my our kid my daughter was like, Dad. Why did your podcast have the E on it? And I'm like, uh I don't know. Maybe I that beat me. Maybe I said something.

SPEAKER_02 6:26

Yeah, I I think they we put that. Yeah. Well, I did that just in case. Yeah. You never know.

SPEAKER_01 6:30

Good job. So I mean, I think the worst word we've ever said.

SPEAKER_02 6:34

So do do I want to I want a I want a fire back in me for something. Whether that's a business, like I want something that just when I wake up and I'm on my runs and I'm doing my stuff that I'm that's on my mind of like this is what I need to accomplish. That when I go to bed I wake up and it's on my mind. Like, okay. Like, yes, do I want that? Yes. Do I think that I will? Yeah. Do I believe that right now I'm in a different season? Yeah. However, that fear of people being right about the things they say about you, whether true, and and again, I could have exaggerated some of the stuff. However, I was scared to death that people were gonna be right about my decisions, and I just worked way I worked really, really hard to not let those be true. And people did not see that. People don't see that. People do not understand that aspect of it. And I think what's hard for somebody like myself who's trained, and and you know, obviously you play in the NFL, like you there are things that you've that you're like, I can't even explain to you what it took or what mentally was going on inside my head or the struggles or the the the wins that like you view as wins, others would be like, really? You didn't it wasn't this? And they point at something that was visible for the world. No, like the wins, there's moments that I would there's a post online from probably seven years ago. It's me, it's it's a picture, like a silhouette of the gym, and it's me standing on top of a box, and my arms are straight up in the air, and I think I said something like I did it, and it was a workout that people were telling me I'm physically not able to do at the level others are, and I remember I thought about that before, and that picture was me finishing it faster than anybody in the world had ever done it. And I was told I couldn't even do it at a high level. But that's a moment I was alone in the gym. And the picture was just a moment of like, yes. But that's the stuff that if somebody asked me, they'd be like, well, when did that happen? It didn't matter. Like that's a me. Like most of the stuff, it was like things would happen, and I'd be like, I told you. Nobody was there. And then the person that said it didn't even matter. But it was like, I did it.

SPEAKER_01 9:26

Staying with habits

The Habit With Biggest Payoff

SPEAKER_01 9:27

here. Next, what is the one habit that has had the most compounding return in your life?

SPEAKER_00 9:35

So I I think I could take this in a lot of different directions, but at the core, I would say the habit that's had the most compounding return in my life would be intentionally prioritizing my wife over anything or anyone else. And um I haven't I hadn't always been that way. Um there I had other you know priorities that you know, whether it was friends or football or there was just other things that stole my attention and in my time. And but you know, since Nally and I have been married, like she she is the number one priority in my life. Of anyone walking this earth, she's number one. And you know, whether that's us doing our weekly date nights or just spending time together or writing her note, like I want her to know that she is my number one priority. And the way that that makes her feel, and the way she shows up and is able to be an incredible mom and wife, and you know, the the COO of our life, I mean, it's that to me has had the biggest compounding return.

SPEAKER_02 10:55

I love that. I I wish that I could say that as mine, but truthfully, my wife would probably be like, Nick's loved me so much since he met me. So the compounding return on it is I I wouldn't say that that has had the most compounding return um for our lives, because I look at it as as us, I would say it is like it it is fitness. And because I when I finished playing football after college, I was like, I needed something. Like there was just this thing inside of me, like I need something. And now looking back, it was probably that everybody thought I was gonna be something in this, and I'm not, so I need to like be something in something else that's physical because I gotta prove people that I can still do something. And when my buddy talked me into trying CrossFit Um and I went all in, I didn't realize what it would turn into that I've multiple businesses that I competed at the level I competed at. I've traveled with my family, done what I've done, created passive income from um been able to create a platform online, create a platform through businesses, like to be able to touch and contact and the people know who I am. Uh it it was like I never thought that fitness could ever do that to me when football ended. I thought, well, now it's just running marathons and trying to not get fat. And it's become so much more. And along that way, you know, with my wife, like she was along for the journey. And the entire time I was in it, my whole fear was that I would let it consume me and it would take away from her. So most of my issues were like, Am I not there for her enough? Am I not doing enough? Like, is this something that's taking too much? So all of our conversations were always like, do I need to back off? Do I need to stop? Like, am I too addicted? Like, is this but I would always be there. I'd always make sure I had time. I was um so yeah. Sorry, Chelsea. She knows she'll be like, You love me so much. Like, I know.

Fitness Discipline And Hidden Costs

SPEAKER_01 13:23

Have you ever been disciplined in the gym but completely undisciplined somewhere else in your life at some point, sometime?

SPEAKER_00 13:31

Um I would say for as long as I can remember, I've been disciplined in the gym, and all other aspects of my life have been out of control at different seasons. Um I would say just depending on what it was, that what season we were in, um, between you know, transitioning from football to corporate America to having you know kids for the first time to moving houses and all different, I mean, you could just you name it, like whether it was our social life or finances or our marriage, like there's just the gym has been the one constant in my life because it's always been like that relief valve and and thing that I knew that I personally like selfishly had to do to be in the right place, but I've been extremely undisciplined in all other areas of my life.

SPEAKER_02 14:40

Agreed. Like the o there have been times where uh I mean having my career be fitness and and training up until 2021, like basically full-time, I would say that there were moments where I hated that I was disciplined in the gym. However, I would tell you that when COVID hit, I stayed disciplined, but it changed, and that was hard. That transition from competing to like recreation was a very hard transition. And fortunately, I wasn't drinking alcohol at the time. It was more of a lot of conversations, like what now it felt like this void. Like, what do I do? But otherwise, before that, when I I would say like the biggest issue I would have that I that the only person that probably knew anything of it was my wife, was where I was drinking in bit like in between seasons, and she just she was the only person. I would tell you, probably most people would be like, Nick didn't drink because like I didn't in public. Maybe if we went out or whatever, but like it was this maybe I felt like the end was coming and I didn't know what to do, and it was a kind of shut it off. My mind is my body's probably like, hey, you feel good, but your mind is just my mind just wouldn't shut off and wouldn't stop, and it was the only way to stop it. Um so I would say that therefore people would say, like, dude, you look amazing, health is priority, you train all the time. But I would say that health took a back seat and I could still compete at a very high level, and I was able to drink.

SPEAKER_00 16:30

You're a closet drinker.

SPEAKER_02 16:33

I mean, I guess. I guess I mean I would do it out, but you don't you wouldn't think like, oh, on a Thursday, Nick went ahead and had a couple drinks at his house at two. Yeah. Because it was his rest day, and he's like, I don't want to work out, so I am drinking. People would be like, What? What? Now you know Catsala bagged. I mean, I think I've already talked about that.

SPEAKER_01 16:56

Is there a spiritual discipline, prayer, scripture, uh, silence that changed everything when you were consistent with

Faith Without Keeping Score

SPEAKER_01 17:04

it?

SPEAKER_00 17:04

Yeah. So this this is one that I think people often get wrong. And and I say that because I was of this mindset for a long time. And that was like, you know, I have to I have to read scripture every day, I have to do my daily devotional, I have to listen to this, I have to uh you you get all these things that I have to do every day, otherwise I'm not taking steps in my faith journey. And I was always so like adamant about that, and to the point where if I wasn't consistent with it, I felt like I was failing in my faith journey. And that's that's not what God has called us in our journey to look like. And so um my spiritual discipline looks different like every day. So I would say the discipline is that it's part of my life every day, but what that looks like is different. Whether it's, you know, some days I do read a devotional, some days I do read scripture, sometimes it's actually my Bible, sometimes it's on my phone, sometimes I listen to um a message online. As of late, I have been just devouring um Pastor Philip Anthony Mitchell from 2819 down in Atlanta. His there, if you go on podcasts, they have his sermons are on there. I mean, the dude's on fire right now. And I mean, you can listen to that while you're working out, you can listen to that while you're running, you can listen to that while you're driving. Um and so I think it's just it's the act, right? The action of seeking, you know, your spiritual journey versus like being so regimented about what it has to look like. And so when I was able to like switch flip that in my mind of like, I'm taking steps every day, regardless of whether it's doing this method, this method, or this method. And I think a lot of people, like myself, for a long period of time were like, well, if I don't have time to do my devotional today, then you know it's kind of almost like dieting. Like you have one bad day, and then you're like, oh, I ruined everything. And that's that's not God doesn't keep score.

SPEAKER_02 19:28

Did something help you change that mindset?

SPEAKER_00 19:31

I think it it's at one point it just became like overwhelming to me. Of like, I I created the structure of like I have to do all these things to be living right and be out and taking steps and being le you know, raising the standard of my own life. It's like, no, like God wants to see us take steps. He doesn't care you know what kind of shoes you're wearing when you're doing it. Yep. Um, so that's that that was a big one for me. And so it's like as long as I am I have the discipline to be intentional every day of doing it in some form or fashion, then I'm taking steps in the right direction. So that's what I would say has been a big, like, consistent step for me.

SPEAKER_02 20:24

I'd say for me, there for a long time I was I'd say I probably felt ashamed. Like when you're young, you're like I'm not perfect. Um have to be a certain way, and I'm like, I can't. So you just I kind of struggled with the how am I supposed to do this when like I'm not perfect and I and I'm growing up in you know, household that's broken, lots of things going on. You're like, I'm trying, I feel like I'm a really good person, but what I'm saying, like I'm obviously not. So you know, I think when you first start getting into your faith, you kind of feel bad. Like, I'm horrible. Like, okay, forgiveness, but then you're like, okay, you know, I I accept Jesus, I'm forgiven. And then two weeks later you're like, wait, I'm I'm s I thought this was I thought this was easy, kind of a thing. And then I read, um I just it was what you you know, you open up the Bible and you just kind of like start reading, everybody's done that. You're like, okay, speak to me. Remember my foot goes in the Bible, and it basically like all I read was one sentence, and it was probably less it was just words, and it just said, You will never be put to shame. And I remember just I that's all I read. You will never be put to shame. And it was that it it was like everything got lifted off of me. Where I was like, wait, I'm not supposed to be just feeling horrible about every little thing that I do, like that I have to be perfect. Like that and that everybody sees me as this. And I think that that this is probably 18 to 20. And it was the first time where I was like, there isn't there isn't a roadmap. Like we're all figuring this out. The roadmap is the Bible. It's just hey, this is it's not a it's just to help you with life. And that to me allowed me to be consistent in how can I just be my best self with what I know, and I'm not gonna be perfect. And people can say whatever they want about me, they can look at me a certain way, but like how do I look at myself? Like I don't have a whole lot of shame in myself. I had shame on like others. Can they see me for not being perfect? Can they are they judging me? It was a lot of that where I was just like, can people see that I'm not like that I'm struggling, that I don't know what I'm doing? And right, we all so you fake, you're like, oh well, I memorized that, or I'm saying this one thing, but like I'm not really living that way because like I don't I'm still young and I'm trying to figure this out. So to me, it just it allowed me to more think of a relationship with Christ as a walk with me, kind of like a parent. Hey, you're you're gonna fall down, I'm gonna I'm gonna be right here, I'm gonna pick you up. And sometimes I might not pick you up because you can pick yourself up today. And then, hey, sometimes I might have to carry you because like it's a hard walk, but you still have to give effort. So for me, it just took away a lot of this pain that I was feeling. Um and then now I don't change any of it, like I don't say that as in like I don't have that, but just reading that it I will not be put to shame. Like that something flipped inside my head.

A Nine-Year-Old’s Baptism Testimony

SPEAKER_00 23:48

Um one of the things that I before we before we wrap up the episode that I I have to shout it out on here because it's like one of the most proud dad moments of my life is my daughter's getting baptized this weekend. And you know, we we didn't necessarily so my daughter's nine years old, and so you know that's a big decision to make. And so we didn't like we didn't try and talk her out of it, but we asked her a lot of questions because we wanted we want to make sure that she understands you know what the decision means, and and now I will say she's wise beyond her years and way more mature than I ever was at that age. Um, but she sat down, the our church gave her basically like a template to go through go through and answer a bunch of questions and um help her to write her testimony, and so she wrote her testimony. I wanted to read it because it's pretty amazing to see inside the brain of where a nine-year-old is at in their faith journey. And so she said, I have known Jesus my whole life. My parents have taken me to church ever since I was a newborn. I have loved and learned about Jesus my whole life. Having a relationship with Jesus is really special. I know Jesus died on the cross for my sins. I am forgiven and I get to go to heaven one day. Accepting Jesus into my life means that he is my friend and will help me live my life like him. I want to be baptized because I want to take a step closer to God and I want everyone to know that I am a follower of Jesus. Following Jesus fully is going to make a big difference in my life. It means a lot to me. Jesus is going to help me live a better life. He will help me make better decisions, show me how to live a life like him and how to love others well. I am excited to tell everyone about Jesus and that a relationship with Jesus is the only way to go to heaven. I hope everyone gets to go to heaven one day and live a life with Jesus. And so I was I wasn't home when Natalie had sat down with her to put this all together and for her to be able to write it out. And she sent it to me, and I'm like driving in my truck and like tears on my face, and I'm like, man, I I one, it's like you feel like we're doing something right. Um but at the same time, it's like it's not it's not all us, right? Obviously, we lead them the best we can, but to know that um we've laid that foundation, but then at nine years old, like she is intentionally in her own way accepted that into her heart and made it her own is like that's so it's just like my it's crazy to me.

SPEAKER_02 26:46

She's a little big person, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:49

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:50

She does not act nine, I'll tell you that. No, no way.

SPEAKER_00 26:54

Now that's not to say it, you know, it's it's like it's funny. So I she her and her brothers go at it, and I'm like, hey sis, are you acting like Jesus? But um, no, really excited. It'll be a great um a great moment and celebration this weekend. So really really looking forward to it.

SPEAKER_02 27:14

I love because that what you just said, a lot of times the older that they get, the more what I think is beautiful is a lot of times we mess up and we brush it under the rug and we we go about our days and we just kind of maybe do it again and we just hope nobody pays attention. But like with kids, I mean in both of mine, a lot of times something might happen and they'll come back to me and they'll they'll say, Hey, um sorry, like that's not that's not who God wants me to be. Like that is not my best self. And I'm like, and and again, it's not that they're not gonna mess up, it's not they might they might do that again, but it's the recognizing of like that's not the pattern that I want for myself, and that I have a scene laid out for who I know that I can be. So I think that's so cool to see that stuff. Because she's gonna be like, I know, I know, like, but I it's so hard.

SPEAKER_00 28:10

Yeah. And I see I already see it. Like, she gets really frustrated, and she's just like I need your help. Yep. So that's awesome. Um good

Listener Questions And Closing Thanks

SPEAKER_00 28:24

way to end it. It is a great way to end it. Um, as we continue on, would appreciate you guys to continue to send us in questions. And we we had talked about going live here soon for a QA.

SPEAKER_01 28:36

We need to do that.

SPEAKER_00 28:38

So we'll have to we'll we'll announce that and kind of get it out there so that people can plan to join us and it'll be a cool thing for us to do it.

SPEAKER_02 28:46

Yes, sir. And thank you all. Share, subscribe, do all the cool stuff that cool people do with online podcasts and YouTube.

SPEAKER_00 28:55

Be a bro. Be a bro. Share the show. Share the show.

SPEAKER_02 28:58

Oh, I haven't heard that.

SPEAKER_00 29:05

Awesome. All right, y'all. Thank you.