Ep. 42. Freedom Or Comfort: Lessons From The Wolf And The Dog

Ep. 42 Freedom Or Comfort: Lesson From The Wolf And The Dog

We read the fable of the dog and the wolf and use it to figure out why comfort can feel safe while still quietly costing us freedom. We get honest about the collars we wear, how fear and approval shape our choices, and why vulnerability and self-advocacy matter in real life. 
• reading the dog and the wolf and focusing on the collar 
• freedom versus comfort and why neither path is easy 
• collars in modern life: salary, titles, relationships, faith, routines 
• discipline versus rigidity and the trap of performative routines 
• chasing approval and fearing what people will say 
• choosing the short pain of truth over the long pain of lying 
• comparing our insides to everyone else’s outsides 
• Chelsea’s basal cell story, community support, and getting checked 
• identifying your collar and building an action plan to remove it 
Subscribe, like, do all that fun jazz 

Transcript

Short Pain Vs Long Pain

SPEAKER_05 0:00

Would you rather have that short pain or the long pain of lying, not just if nobody finds out because it's inside of you, but then that you have to hang on to that. I go, it might feel like there's no pain when you're doing it, but the long-term pain is unbelievable, unbearable. But the short-term pain of like just standing up and doing what's right, that's what I feel. We're so scared of what will happen for a second, right? Like you say it and then it's like, oh, it's out there, and you were scared, and then it's but then it's gone.

Welcome And The Dog-Wolf Fable

SPEAKER_05 0:52

Welcome to the Rising Tribes podcast. I am Nick Yurankar with Braxton Cave. Uh, before we kick in, make sure there's a little button on there that you can subscribe to make sure that you get all of our videos and podcasts. Currently, we do one a week on Mondays, and hopefully you're gaining some value out of what we're saying. That's our goal. Our goal is to see how we can help you. And today we are actually gonna read, I think Brax said this was like 2,500 years old.

SPEAKER_01 1:20

That's what I read.

SPEAKER_05 1:21

Okay. So we we believe what we read. So we're going with that. And and uh he's gonna read this and then we are going to chat about it.

SPEAKER_02 1:30

Yeah. So this this is the fable of the dog and the wolf, and we're gonna I'll read through it so in case you haven't heard it before, you'll hear it, and then that's what we're gonna talk through today. It goes like this A wolf was nearly starving, skin and bones, when he crossed paths with a fat, well fed house dog. The wolf admired the dog's condition and asked how he stayed so well fed. The dog offered to bring him home. All you have to do is guard the house, bark at beggars, fawn on the family, and you'll eat like a king. Bones, meat, scraps, kindness, all of it. The wolf was nearly moved to tears at the vision. Then he noticed a worn bear patch on the dog's neck. What is that? Oh, just the mark of my collar. Collar? So you can't go wherever you please? Not always, but what does it matter? It matters everything, said the wolf, and he ran back to the woods. There's

Freedom, Comfort, And The Collar

SPEAKER_02 2:27

many, many different ways we can go with this and what it means. Um, but I know I sent you the video of this earlier.

SPEAKER_05 2:34

A couple hours ago. And uh then you asked, what should we talk about?

SPEAKER_02 2:38

I was like, the wolf and the dog. The wolf and the dog. So from from your perspective, like how does that hit your ear?

SPEAKER_05 2:47

I it's deep to me. It's really deep. Um I think it's a kind of like a if I were to look at it in business, like an entrepreneur and then somebody who's working uh, you know, a nine to five, um, or somebody who's you know, that that person you know who they they said they were gonna go travel and look at the world and they get married, and they find somebody who wants to do it, and they have their family, and they're taking them and they're homeschooling them, and they're doing all these crazy adventures, like they said they always wanted. And you're watching it saying, I remember saying that that's what I was gonna do with them too. But, you know, here's why I don't. Well, life happens. Like I needed security, I needed these things. And none of it is bad or wrong, but I look at it as like this this layer where you see essentially the wolf saying, I would rather have the ability to lose on my own or win on my own, or win the way that I want, or lose the way that I want, ultimate freedom, um, than to have any form of restriction as m as good as it is. So, in a business sense, that's where I first go. But I think it it does relate to like everything else in life.

SPEAKER_02 4:06

Yeah. Yeah, I think the the key thing to this story is all about the collar, right? It's the wolf didn't run from hunger, he ran from the collar, and it's realizing and having the awareness in your life of like what it what is the collar in your life. I mean, it's easy to correlate this back to business and to having a job and where you feel like you have to, you have to work the job because of finance, whatever it is, but you know, this could go the collar could be relationships, it could be, you know, faith-based. There's many different things that could be the collar of your life and in realizing like what what is it truly that holds you in those moments? And you know, I think the other thing to point out, because you said it just a minute ago, is like the collar, like the dog in this story isn't evil, right? He's comfortable. And that's the point. I think society today is always looking for comfort. Like what's the sure thing? And again, it's not to say that you know, having a nine to five or a corporate job, or you know, not being it the story doesn't say that everyone should be an entrepreneur.

SPEAKER_05 5:19

No, and it's also not saying that the wolf has the best life.

SPEAKER_02 5:23

Right.

SPEAKER_05 5:23

It has a hard life, it has less. And I also think that I'm trying to slow down how I'm speaking. Um we all have a caller. So the this story basically is very specific in saying there's this hard life of freedom, and then there's this easy life of I don't know what you would call it, where you're just you're it's not free as free. Still, like obviously there's there's that beauty in that, but I don't think that we are none of us are either the wolf or the dog. And I think that if other people looked at looked at you, whoever's listening, or they looked at me, or they looked at you, Brex, or Jake, they're gonna say, like, oh, you're like, you're like the wolf, or you're like the dog. And it's like, nah, we all have things that we are perceived as being one or the other. But the truth is, I think we all have things that we know are we are holding ourselves back in some capacity. And there's a fear of like, but if I didn't, something bad could happen. And essentially the wolf's like, I accept that.

SPEAKER_02 6:42

Yeah. And I think just to give some more like situations or scenarios to like modern day, it's like a salary that keeps you comfortable, you know, enough not to build on your own, uh, a title that keeps you performing for you know someone else's vision or dream. Or even to me, the I think one of the pieces of this that hits home is it could also be like a routine that looks like discipline, but it's really like holding you captive.

SPEAKER_05 7:14

And expla like explain that one.

SPEAKER_02 7:16

I mean, I'd I'd say think about how many things that maybe we do on a day-to-day or that we see people do on a day-to-day, especially with social media, that they want to put on this front of like this is the routine that's made me successful, and maybe they are or they aren't. Um and they do it every single day, but it's not really bringing any type of you know, fruits to that because of that routine.

SPEAKER_05 7:44

Um yeah, and I think even with the routine, like what you're saying, there's a lot of people that are that will push a lot of these wolves. Because I think if you look online, you're gonna probably put most people online who are influencing you, you would put in the wolf category. I would I don't know if you'd agree. But a lot of those people are telling you to act like a dog, right? And and we've talked about this the 4 a.m. Wait, you know, the 4 a.m. club is that do we believe in it, do we not? And I think

Routines That Turn Into Captivity

SPEAKER_05 8:16

sometimes we we can start our days so restrictive that we restrict ourselves throughout the rest of the day. And when I say restrictive, I mean, okay, well, but I have to be here at this time to do that thing because it's gonna make my life better. It's gonna make me healthier, fitter. Um, so to me, I think like the 4 a.m. club has nothing to do with, okay, I've got it, you know, at 4 a.m. I wake up and I do 10 minutes of yoga, and then I do my shake plate, and then I do my red light, and then I do my perfect macro breakfast, and then it's 7 30, and I make sure that I'm showered, and then I get in my car and I go to my like it's not that. It's saying at 4 a.m. you're winning. And how are you winning? And winning doesn't happen necessarily in your bathroom or in your living room or in your kitchen or in winning can happen anywhere. And for somebody like myself, I think I would put myself in the wolf category. Um and it is it it you starve sometimes, and you um I think the difference between a wolf and somebody else is you see the resilience you have. It's easier for me to go and do something with no guarantee and be okay with getting nothing. And uh, and one of the things I always say to people is to do what like what I do, you have to learn to work for free. A lot of people aren't willing to work for free. They might say it, but truly work for free means how long will you go until you say I can't do this anymore? And that's where you can be out lasted by somebody like me.

SPEAKER_02 9:56

How many people do you think live every day with the collar because they're searching for approval?

SPEAKER_05 10:04

Oh my gosh. I don't think a lot of people would say they're searching for approval, but they are. And I would say what it is is that they're scared of what somebody would say if they made a change.

Approval, Fear, And Telling Truth

SPEAKER_05 10:18

And then I had a conversation with my daughter today, and I said, because she's been lying and we've had certain things, and I said, the short pain of telling the truth, would you rather have that short pain or the long pain of lying, not just if nobody finds out because it's inside of you, but then that you have to hang on to that. I go, it might feel like there's no pain when you're doing it, but the long-term pain is unbelievable, unbearable. But the short-term pain of like just standing up and doing what's right, that's what I feel. We're so scared of what will happen for a second, right? Like you say it and then it's like, oh, it's out there, and you were scared, and then it's but then it's gone. We'd rather hold on to this long-term pain, and it eats at us so that we don't feel that short-term. What is somebody gonna think?

SPEAKER_02 11:24

Right. Yeah, I mean it's again, we could go a million different directions with this. It's just again, I don't want people to hear this and think, you know, well, my life sucks because I wear the collar every day. Um because, you know, like the original video that I had sent to you, the message in it was you know, the wearing the collar, working a job to provide for your family is admirable, right? Like there's there's a reason why you're doing that. But I think it's all the things that we just went through that like are what's the real reason why you're doing it? And is it a season that you're doing it, or is it you know, you're because you're truly just comfortable and afraid? And that's you know, that's something for me personally. Like, I I'll be I can be completely transparent here. Like, I live, you know, the corporate life, right? So call me, I don't know what you want to call me, the dog or the wolf in this scenario, but it's you know, I you know, working a steady job, and you know, I know I'm gonna get paid on Friday. Right? It's not uh so there is the luxury of that within the role that I play, but I think it's also there's a wolf within because I'm never I'm not gonna sit back and just be comfortable with that. And I think that's where most high performers sit. You know, whether you're an entrepreneur or you're and you have a great business running or you're in a corporate job or whatever that looks like, like, yeah, I'm gonna get paid on Friday, but like I don't I don't take that for granted. And and there's a hunger to continue to go and build and hunt. And you know, to me it goes back to like legacy. Like, why are you why are you doing what you're doing? Uh we spent some time before we started recording, maybe Jake was recording. Was uh just talking through, you know, you don't have to how did you say it? You don't have to love what you do.

SPEAKER_05 13:36

You don't have to love what you do to love what you get to do.

SPEAKER_02 13:39

Yeah. And I think about that, you know, a quick way to say it is like one one man's trash is another man's treasure. Like, how many people you we can sit here and complain about, oh, what I'm going through, it's so hard, and this and that, and someone else is sitting there like, I would give everything to be in your seat.

SPEAKER_05 13:58

And I I I love something you said, which was you're comfortable and afraid, I think, or not afraid. Can't you said you were comfortable? I think it was comfortable and afraid of like staying, like you basically are like still wanting to like.

SPEAKER_02 14:16

But yeah, I'm never gonna just sit back and rest on that.

SPEAKER_05 14:20

What I was gonna say is I'm uncomfortable and afraid. So like, and I wouldn't call my so like I know it would be like, oh, I could easily in the business I put myself as a wolf, but I would also I'm collared for sure. Like I I have a set schedule with our kids, with our like I don't I I don't just like oh I'm going to California tomorrow and then I'm gonna go travel. Like I think with the collar and the wolf, like the wolf just roams. I I don't want to just roam, right? I want the freedom that that entails of just being able to do whatever I want, how I want, but there's a lot of work there. Like we might be like, oh, he's roaming, but then he's like, oh shoot, I'm so hungry, I gotta go hunt for two days now and figure this out. But I have for sure a collar on me. The difference is that I get to chew, I don't have anybody locking me up, I've locked myself up. And I'm uncomfortable all the time, whether it's good or bad, because like you get paid on Friday, I get paid on a Friday too. I just don't know what's coming in the account.

SPEAKER_02 15:28

And you're paying yourself.

SPEAKER_05 15:30

Well, yeah, but meaning, but like the account, like I don't know what I'm gonna pay myself until I look at the account account, and then yeah, but even at that, I can't pay myself if no money comes in through the businesses on a Friday.

SPEAKER_02 15:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 15:43

So there's this, I think it's it's easy to look at somebody who looks like this like big bad wolf. They have everything they want, they got they got this giant business, and then you look around and you go, wait a minute. Why don't you go and search for all these big bad wolves and you're not gonna find a lot of them? Most of the wolves aren't out in the open. Most of the wolves are grinding in silence. They're grinding on their own, they're they're not out in the open. But most people who are quote unquote kind of like comfortable working their job, um, in their lives that they've kind of, they're they're probably saying, like, well, in this season, there's not a lot I can change. I'm kind of stuck with with this. I have to wait, you know, when this happens, then I'll then I'll change. And there's millions of people who are looking at these handful of wolves going, I wish I had what they had. They make it look so easy, that's what I want. And it's not that. It's not true. It is not at all. I'm not even one of those big wolves. It's not anything it's cut out to be. But I can't do it any other way.

SPEAKER_02 16:49

Yeah, I mean, I think I think it's good to say and mention here that any person who I've ever met with who from the outside looking in, you would say they're insanely insanely, you know, successful, they have the money, the cars, the job, the whatever. When you actually get to know them, it's so much messier than that. It's never what you see from the outside. And I think it's good to keep that in mind as you look at because we're all constantly comparing ourselves to other people. I mean, it's say we I don't compare yes, you do. We all do, it's human nature. Um, but having a true understanding of you know what you're truly comparing yourself to, that can make a huge difference.

SPEAKER_05 17:41

I actually wrote something.

Comparing Your Inside To Highlights

SPEAKER_02 17:48

With your own brain or within it? With my own brain.

SPEAKER_05 17:51

No, with my own brain.

SPEAKER_01 17:53

Hey. Um and it was Stop letting AI, this is a message to people, stop letting AI be your brain.

SPEAKER_03 18:00

It's not always right for the love of our.

SPEAKER_05 18:02

We compare our insides, so the things that we're going through, the things that we're feeling, to everyone else's outsides. And we do it in silence, convinced we're the only one whose life doesn't match our face. And I wrote that because I was talking about a different trying to figure out what we want to write or what we want to talk about, and how like we are just constantly judging ourselves so harshly, but we're judging everyone else's outside, these beautiful outsides that we all know. I know probably within the last five days, you have had an uncomfortable conversation or an uncomfortable incident or a place that you got angry or that you did something that you wish you wouldn't have done inside your own house that not one person in this world knows except for the person or people inside of your house. Yet people are going to judge you based off of the last thing they saw, not what you know. And and I I've had the same thing. I today, my my wife had her whole forehead just cut off, basically cut out and sewed back together. And she is like, I keep saying this, she does hard things really well. And she has impressed me so much. But people see, she's made a post and they're like, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. But if you sat in the house and had the conversations all the time, like we don't we don't sit in the ugly, we see a snippet of the bad and we are we glorify the good. So the snippet is like, I'm only gonna show you what I want you to see because I don't want you to like judge me. And what I'll say is like sitting every day, I'm like, this is gonna be a long process, but to people online, it's gonna feel like a blip.

SPEAKER_02 19:56

Yeah. I mean, and speaking into that, it'd probably be good for you to maybe talk a little bit more on that. Uh, the topic with Chelsea and what she's gone through just for awareness for people, yeah.

Chelsea’s Skin Cancer Wake-Up Call

SPEAKER_02 20:07

Um, but I've been super proud of her just to be transparent and you know, put stuff out there in social and you know, and having conversation with you and her, the amount of you know feedback and comments she's got, and people who are now going to get their skin checked because of it. And you you don't realize in those moments like how vulnerable you feel and how crappy you feel of like on the other side of it, the positive impact that you're having on people. Because you're like, ugh, like in the moment, you know, she she texted us the other day and was like, I look like the guy from the Goonies.

SPEAKER_03 20:45

Well, first, I mean, because a lot of people, if they had a mark like her, would overlook it. So what she's doing is really like, hey, yeah, the little white spot. Yeah, because it looked like a sunspot, basically.

SPEAKER_05 20:57

Yep. And and she's actually she had it for years, um, and she's asked about it. She goes and gets checked every six months, and actually she had was overdue and um had another scare with something else, and she was like, I need to just reschedule everything and and get out there, and she brought it back up, and this time they were like, Ooh, it looks a little bit different, and uh it was, and it came back basal cell, um, cancer, uh non-life threatening, but you obviously do not want to have that um on you. And uh yeah, she went in. Um, and one thing I'll say is there are a lot of people, and probably people are gonna listen that like I have she has not been outside the house at it's been this is day three. Um she has not been outside the house, but every single time I've left and went someplace, somebody has said something to me. And and I just think that that is just like the coolest thing. Like, I was literally. Went over and dropped off my daughter at an ice cream place, and there was two women in there, and they're like, Oh my gosh, how's your wife? When it been every single time at the gym. I've gone to stores. There's like, you realize how small the community is when, like, man, people are seeing this. And all of them are saying what you just said. There's so many people that are being helped. And I think it's easy to like glorify and be like, oh, she's doing this. What I think is that we don't do enough is we don't we don't speak to the things that we need to be doing on a constant basis in like the real stuff. Like when bad things happen, we hide them. Whereas like this is happening, she's saying it, and people are like, I've been putting this off forever, but this is changing me. And it's like, but what if we were constantly like just there for each other on everything, like relationship-wise, like, hey, I need to communicate better. You know what? I do too. But I've been not wanting to say it because I'm so worried that you were gonna say something to me. And with her, she we basically went in and we thought they were gonna have to do one or two cuts. The he but he was like, Oh, this isn't gonna be bad, this is gonna be easy. But she had actually gone online and looked up what this looks like if it's bad, and this is right in the middle of her forehead, and she saw some pictures that she was like, She's like, I'm not doing this anymore. But she had an idea in her head of what could happen, and she had to get six cuts. And the after the second one, he was like, Ah, it's still there. And then after the fourth one, they asked me to come back. They're like, I think you need your husband. And that was when she looked at me when they came back and said, It's we it the cancer's still there. And they went and did the fifth one, and she said, I think they're doing my whole forehead. And she told me, Don't look. She was like, Don't look. Um, and I thought she I kid you not. I all I thought, and I told her this, I was like, I thought you didn't want me to think you were ugly. I thought I was like, she doesn't want me to think like, oh my gosh, like you're looking at I'm like chopped up, and you're like, ah. And that's not what she what she didn't, what she was scared of, and she told me this when it was over. She didn't want me to make a face, and for her then to get scared. Um, so they they did the sixth one and came back and they asked her, Do you want to see it? Um, and she was like, Well, have you taken photos? And they were like, Yes, we have. And she didn't say she wanted to see it, but they handed her a mirror. And they handed her mirror, I saw her raise it, and that's when I was like, Okay, I'm gonna look. And when I looked, I was like, Because you have an idea in your head. I thought it was gonna go like east to west, like right to left, and it was just straight up and down. It looked like a football from the top of her right where her hairline is to between her eyebrows. And I remember seeing that thinking, holy cow, like that's real. Um, and I still don't feel like it's I st I because you don't see it, she's got gauze. Um, and I've helped clean it and like we've put the stuff on and she has to do um change it every like twice a day. Uh it just I don't I think because it's not in my face, it's kind of like what we're talking about. It's covered. So to me, her face is fine. But underneath it, she's got 30-some stitches. And I think we cover ourselves with this mask, yet we've got all these stitches. And what ends up happening is we either disappear or somebody sees the stitches one day, and they're like, What happened?

SPEAKER_03 25:48

She has a story.

SPEAKER_05 25:50

And I think what's really cool is that like she is sharing, she did not want to share this stuff. Yet she's had a lot of people who have reached out sharing the same type of things she had with like cuts down their face and and had years of documentation and like showed her all the pictures, and like that the scar's doing really well, and it's really given her hope that oh my gosh, it's it like I'm I can get this scar to like not even look like a scar. So she's doing awesome, very positive. She didn't sleep well the first couple days, which I told her, you're not gonna sleep well the first couple days for sure. You gotta you know, face is cut in half, basically. Um, but she's crushing it. Um, she has a plan for the next six months, and yeah, she's just gonna be in hiding for a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 26:40

She said, at least I got a great selection of hats.

SPEAKER_05 26:42

She does, and she was she her swelling went way down today, too.

SPEAKER_02 26:46

Yeah. She sent a picture this morning and she looked great. I mean, she said she got over eight hours of sleep and she looked like she couldn't sleep the first couple nights, really.

SPEAKER_05 26:56

I think she was up and so yeah. I'm really proud of her. Um, so if you are if you have anything on your skin, honestly, just going and getting checked. Get checked. Um, I've been checked once and it was her, and she's bugged me forever. So I'm it's not like I'm awesome at doing this. Um, colonoscopy. I got a colonoscopy early because we had family history. Um, there's always things that you can be doing, just as much as we prevent with health and working out and how we eat. Um, there's just a lot of things you can do and be an advocate for yourself. I mean, she she had talked about this spot for a couple of years, and they basically were like, uh, but she was still advocating, she would bring it up every single time. Um, and the reason they had to do this is they said it's probably been growing for a long time. So that's why it was a lot more than they thought. Got it.

SPEAKER_03 27:46

Gotta be your own advocate on the on health today. On everything. Yeah, on everything.

SPEAKER_01 27:50

Yeah.

Rip Off The Collar And Close

SPEAKER_02 27:51

So to to kind of take us back in and you know, start to close up the the session here, like for someone who heard this story for the first time and they're like, that's me. I'm the dog. I'm the fat, comfortable, reliant upon my master, but they want to make a change. What would you what would be your first step of action, advice that you would give?

SPEAKER_05 28:24

I would ask, because it's kind of like we said, you you're you're kind of both, but I would ask, where are you the dog? And where do you see a wolf in you? Where do you see where you could in either one step up more? Um, and I think as as a man, I'd look at it like where can you be a dog when you need to be? Meaning, when can you be there the way you need to be there, at the times you need to be there, when you don't always want to be there. For people, situations, and then with the wolf, it's like, where is it that you could lead from from the front or the back, right? I think as a I look, I think of a wolf not always like leader of the pack, but like the leader of the pack normally is actually falling way behind. And so it's not always how are how are you gonna you know make things the the best for everybody, or like how can I go out and hunt and make the kills and do all these things, but it might be where can you slow down and truly be a leader? Um and that's so that's what I would say is where do you see yourselves as the wolf in your life, and where do you see yourselves as the dog? And where do you in those situations, where are you your best self, and how can you show up the best you can? Um, because that's what I'm constantly thinking of is where where can I be a better version of myself in every instance, not just the ones I want to be. What about you?

SPEAKER_02 29:53

I think of it as you have the the first action step action step would be identifying what the collar is, and I think for a lot of people it's gonna be financial, and so it's putting together an action plan to no longer have to have a reliance upon the collar, what you know, because of whatever your financial situation is. And that's hard, and it always takes longer than what you want it to. Um, but that's why I'm such a big believer in you know the the fitness and discipline around that side of life, because I feel like if you can structure your life to be disciplined around your workout habits, your nutrition habits, a a lot of the other things kind of fall in place. Like it's it I don't want to say it's easy, but it becomes easier because when you're doing these things that are you know physically exhausting, these other things are like so bad. Um so action step number one would just be identifying what the collar is in your life, and if you don't want to wear that collar anymore, then you have to identify and and put together an action plan to change it, rip it off, cut it off.

SPEAKER_05 31:09

And it might take time.

SPEAKER_02 31:11

For sure.

SPEAKER_05 31:13

Love that.

SPEAKER_00 31:16

Alright. Jake, how'd we do? Where are we at? 31. Oh, perfect. Quick hit. It's like a TV show. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:24

Dude, that story remind me of a quote that I heard. I just don't remember who said it. It was like, a full stomach isn't worth an empty soul.

SPEAKER_05 31:31

Ooh. I just forget who said uh I like that. That's a good ending. A full stomach isn't worth an empty soul.

SPEAKER_04 31:37

Love it.

SPEAKER_05 31:38

Well, thank you all for listening. Subscribe, like, do all that fun jazz. I'm Nick, that was Brax. Thanks. See y'all,