SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hi there! Welcome and welcome back to another episode of Dweeb City with me, your host, Star Jackson. In today's episode, we are going to be yapping with a very special friend of mine, Josh Portillo. He has been into so, so, so many projects. I almost see him every day posting about something that he's been in, or something that he's very proud of, or just posting content in general of uh uplifting others, uh like especially voice actors or and actually anybody in general and like giving life advice and and just being such a positive light. I'm so excited to talk to Josh about his upbringing, um, his voice acting journey, and and surprisingly, mine. A little bit of mine. He turned a switch on me for sure. He did like a UnoCard type thing. Josh is also an awesome content creator, um motivator, uh uh a uh a a force to be reckoned with, and I have uh been uh honored to watch his journey and to see him grow and to see what he's been through. And uh this this episode really dives in, deep dive into that and and who he became and who he will become, and uh I'm so excited for his future, and I really hope that you guys enjoyed listening to the episode as much as we did recording it. Sit back, relax, eat some popcorn, and welcome to the city. Without further ado, I'm happy happin' for me. Let's talk to Josh. Also, PS, sorry about the audio issues with the echo. I realized that when I had my headphones on, it kind of leaks out when I have the volume all the way up. Because I'm so in tune with what the um the the the guest is listening. I really like to turn it all the way up, and so uh my apologies. I'll make sure to turn it down so that way your listening ears can be all in without any interference. Thank you for the tech for understanding the technical difficulties. Now, back to the show. Hi guys, welcome and welcome back to Dweam City. My name is Star Jackson, your host, and today we have a very special guest in the building: voice actor, content creator, and so so much more. He's so good at marketing, I can't wait to get into that too. And he loves to work out, support other people, and I love seeing his positivity and warm light anywhere he goes, and he he's just all around an awesome person. We have Josh Josh Portillo in the building.

SPEAKER_02 2:49

Yes, you got it right. Hey, I got it out there. I was like, oh shoot, I shouldn't ask you that. No, you good, girl.

SPEAKER_05 2:56

You good, you're good, you're good. Thank you, thank you for having me. Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_01 3:02

Thank you, thank you so much for taking the time out because I know you're so busy. Um, but I'm so happy to talk to you. And how how is your day going today?

SPEAKER_05 3:12

My day, first of all, again, thank you for having me, Star. It's um we've interacted through DMs, we've known each other for a few years now, and we've never really talked, and now we are. Hello? Hi.

SPEAKER_01 3:33

Oh my gosh, I'm blushing.

SPEAKER_05 3:37

No, but my thank you for asking. My day is going well. Uh, got my workout in, drink two cups of coffee. Thank God.

SPEAKER_02 3:43

Two at one time?

SPEAKER_05 3:48

No, no. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 3:49

I was like, oh, you got abs of steel. Like, my my um anxiety would have been off the walls.

SPEAKER_05 3:59

Yeah, you gotta watch out for that. It does me too, so that's why I split it up.

SPEAKER_01 4:02

Oh, yeah. So you get it.

SPEAKER_05 4:05

Yeah, I do get it. Uh got a lot of got a lot of voice work in. I gotta do a little bit more after this. But again, it's uh it's a gift and uh privilege to be on here.

SPEAKER_01 4:14

Yay, thank you. Thank you so much. Oh, I can't wait to get in all to all the goodness. Oh my gosh. So I wanted to start it off strong. So um, how did you get into voice acting? I've always been curious.

SPEAKER_05 4:28

For me, that's a good question. So a little bit of backstory. A little bit of backstory if that's okay. You know, growing up, I was a very shy kid. I was very overweight as well. Um had a speech impediment a little bit. Uh I did like, you know, I played video games, I watched anime, I watched cartoons. Uh it was kind of like my escape. Um, and you know, I I liked, you know, I s I heard these voices in these games. I was like, that would be so cool to do. And I think, you know, you know, going to a movie theater is like going to a temple. It's it's it's sacred. It is watching watching magic on the screen, right? And I was like, just acting in general, I was like, man, it would be so cool to do that, but you know, you you look at yourself in the mirror, and I guess, you know, you you see that you don't look like these people, uh, you don't sound articulate, and you're overweight. So F you, basically. Uh that that's not cool.

SPEAKER_01 5:32

How you told yourself that.

SPEAKER_05 5:34

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, very, very, very, very, very, very, very low self-esteem. Um very self-deprecating. Uh, all that stuff. I can relate. Yes, yeah, it's it's a struggle. And um, you know. I didn't realize that I could do it until high school, and I uh kind of joked my way into the musicals and just you know, corral, uh you know, the musical corral and all that. And uh, you know, I learned through there that I can act a little bit and I can take direction and I can sing a little bit, and uh did it throughout college a little bit here and there. But it's just, you know, it's college. You're just kind of jumping all over the place.

SPEAKER_00 6:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 6:20

And then when one of my one of my bros, you know, we started hanging out, we actually um started living together, uh, he wanted to play the Dog and Ropa series. And and that's when we kind of just we played through the whole series together. We did all the voices, we practiced, I stumbled over every dang line. Um and uh but I got hooked. You know, I got hooked. It was just fun. It was just something to express myself with. You know, I had a lot of bottled up anger, a lot of anxiety, a lot of just wanting to express myself in a certain way rather than lifting weights or doing something physical, you know.

SPEAKER_00 7:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 7:03

So, you know, it's um yeah, from there we just we got our equipment. You know, it it goes by fast. You already know this. It goes by fast. You're set, you're like, hey, let's do our study. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:16

It's like you're oh I want more each so hungry for it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 7:20

And we we got our uh equipment. I got a an AT 2020 and a pre-Sonnes in our interface.

SPEAKER_01 7:26

That's a good first mic and interface.

SPEAKER_05 7:29

It is. Now that I'm actually I'm eight, I'm eight years in, or by September of this year, I'll be eight years in.

SPEAKER_01 7:35

Wow. How does that feel?

SPEAKER_05 7:38

Uh it's fast. And like, if you told me that I'd be still doing this close to 10 years later, I'd be like, you're insane. No. No. This is a hobby for me. Like, nah, no, bruh. Nah, bruh. No. Uh, but no, it I mean, I just fell in love with it, and it's uh, you know, uh cat we go we went on casting call club and started auditioning. We found our niches, we found the some people, some friends. I mean, my boy Ryan, uh the one I started with, he's still friends with some of them. Uh some of the people he interacted with. I mean, it's been close to six, seven years now. And he's been friends with them ever since. You know, same year with me. So it's just like, you know, j even without the gigs, I mean, voice acting has affected both of us tremendously. Um and uh yeah, it's just really cool. That's how I got started uh by just playing the Don and Ropa series. And to go a little bit deeper, you know, at the time, I just needed something to happen. I just needed something good to happen. So, you know, my you know, Ryan wanted to uh to do voice acting and I was like, I'm gonna support him. Um and I ended up just you know, just falling into it on my own and going my own route while he went his. So, you know, it's really cool. Um he's gonna be a streamer soon.

SPEAKER_01 9:00

So Ooh, that's exciting.

SPEAKER_05 9:02

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's gonna be cool. He's gonna be good.

SPEAKER_01 9:04

It's so fun too. Like having like a chat and like just just yapping. At first when I did it, like it was so scary. But you get used to it.

SPEAKER_05 9:15

I I don't know how everybody does it. I know at some point I'm gonna try to do it, but it is it's not really I don't think it's really my niche, to be honest. I don't know. We'll see.

SPEAKER_01 9:27

Yeah, you can try it out and see. That's what I did, just for fun, you know? And then if you don't like it, boom, just go on to something else. Cause that's the one thing that I've kno like I've learned over time. You don't have to like stick to something or like tr you can try it and don't you can just go on to something else. Cause like I feel like that was like a big fear of mine, like um just trying it, because I feel I would feel bad about not like leaving it or like jump hopping into it, but that's what life is all about, like just trying stuff and taking the risk.

SPEAKER_05 9:59

Yeah, and uh hey, you gotta feel you gotta be proud of yourself for that, right?

SPEAKER_01 10:03

Right, for sure.

SPEAKER_05 10:05

And then when you know you're better than you think. You're better than you think in in most things, right?

SPEAKER_01 10:09

No, that is true, especially when you like practice and you keep doing it over and over again. Because, you know, when we first start, you're gonna suck a little bit.

SPEAKER_05 10:18

Absolutely. I'm gonna say a tangent, I'm gonna say a tangent, and I'm gonna I want in this interview, I want you right now to talk about your process for the Bang Zoom auditions and how grinding that. I am interviewing you now.

SPEAKER_02 10:32

Oh tell us about your story with that. Oh, you oh you did the Uno reverse card on me.

SPEAKER_01 10:44

Ooh, okay, so um 2023, well before yeah, it was 2023, I think. Uh I had I took a class, um, I think it was uh I forgot. It was a voice acting class, but I forgot with who. Maybe Crispin Freeman. Um, but they were talk after we were done, they were talking about um no, wait, I don't know. I know it's well I was it was a voice acting class. I have to remember, but um they were talking about the open auditions because somebody was somebody asked a question like, so how how does one get into anime? Because and then they were a lot of like everybody was like, oh, this and that, and then that then somebody was like, Oh, there's like a um audition that um Bang du Bang Zoom does every year. And it was like uh you audition and you voice over and like to be in the anime, and I was like, huh? But tell me more.

SPEAKER_04 11:40

Let me let me get in there. Come on.

SPEAKER_01 11:43

I was like, hook and center. Oh, I was like, oh, I had my cause you usually have like notes and stuff. I had my nosepin paper ready. So I wrote down everything that they told me, and then I researched it. I've um I found out where they were going um next. Um because I remember them saying uh anime central. So I I did not have enough money at the time. So I literally got I think that was my that was when I started working the multiple jobs and stuff like that. So I saved up and then I um I uh booked the flight and everything like that. So and I was like, you know what, this is my my dream. I want to do this so bad. I want to see, I wanna be around because in voice acting, there's there's not really like I mean if you didn't find the community online, it would feel like you have no community. Like it was just you, you know, and you just with other people that because usually we voice over stuff by ourselves. Yeah. So I was like, I don't really know other voice actors, especially where I'm from. And I it was so super hard to f find classes and to find other voice actors that um do it where like in Florida for some reason. I don't know why. Yeah, and I was like, I I can finally like find like and see like you know, the community, but I was super nervous about it because I didn't know what to expect. So I flew there and then I got like a little cheap motel, and then um I went um went there and um it was amazing. The whole experience being there around other voice actors and stuff. I was literally in the corner, but I was watching the whole entire like process of everything, and then um I went to audition and uh I believe it was the second day I I got I auditioned again and then I got a call back, which was I was not expecting it at all. And I I think I bombed it because I was not expecting it. Uh I was like, whoa, learning experience, learning experience.

SPEAKER_05 13:46

It really wasn't you know what you probably didn't bomb it. You probably didn't bomb it as much as you think, you know. Yeah, hey, remember, remember, remember, everything that we say into the mic can be turned into gold.

SPEAKER_03 13:59

Okay. You know what? That is very true.

SPEAKER_05 14:02

You never you never know. So you never know. It's just like what you thought was probably a bombing was probably like, eh, it's just uh nine to five voiceover. You know, it's just like you know what I mean? It's just like nervous and everything, you know, but you got the job done.

SPEAKER_01 14:16

That's what that's what he was so so nerve-wracking because I have anxiety disorder. So on top of that, and already having like um like nerve nerves already, it it would impact, I know it would impact my performance. So that on on top of me being shy and everything like that, I was just proud of myself for even going on stage. So um, thank you so much. And and just like like seeing every everyone else go on stage and giving it their all and like high-fiving each other. And I was like, wait, aren't they aren't we competing against each other? I was I was like, whoa, like like this is what you call sportsmanship, and then like saying, Oh, good job, like it was somebody stumbled on a word or something. It was like, you can do it, keep going. And I was like, whoa, this is cool. Yeah. And then um after I did um, I think the I think I got called back twice. Um, um, and then um a we I remember the winner, Ty. Um, I said this in a previous podcast, um, I think it'll post before this one, but um a lot of people in the crowd, I would hear them talking about how like they would say like he was extra and like very like he's like out of like out of you know, like like whoa, this is like he's like laughing at him and stuff like that. And in my head, I was like, he's gonna win. I was like, like, cause anytime he would go on stage, captivating. Like, even when he walked on stage, you just like want to know what he's gonna about uh he's about to do next, you know? And I was I was studying him. I was like, oh my gosh, I think he's gonna win. And then like he's just going out, throwing everything um he has into the characters and stuff like that. And then lo and behold, he won. That's good. And yes, it was so amazing. And I remember watching him sitting from the like on the side of the stage, him, Shakira, like so many. I follow all of them, like all the finalists. I know they're all in anime and then and and thriving and stuff now. Like, like, and um, I remember like seeing him win, and I was so so happy for him, like so excited. And then I I was I was like, this is where I belong. I was like, finally, I had tears in my eyes, and I was like happy. I was like, how am I happy for somebody like that one and I wanted to win, but I I was like, it's just happy to have the experience and being there and being around other voice actors, and it felt like I was like, I was there, like this is my my place. So that really sparked it all for me. And then ever since then, I've been going like I did, I was going hard, but after that experience, I went even harder. And then every year after that, I followed them to almost every single um every single place they went to. So I auditioned seven times in the last three years. Nice, and then speed up to last year, I auditioned again the first day. Um, I didn't get a call back and I was gonna quit. I am not gonna lie, like I was so distraught. I was like, dang, I I maybe I just like it's just not for me, you know. I was just like putting myself down, and then I remember listening to Christopher Freeman's podcast. He has like an episode about anxiety because that was my biggest thing is like getting over the fear and anxiety, and like you know, being feeling like looking a certain way and stuff like that while trying to get the read. Absolutely it was like it was canceling my my um the potential that I had to put into the character because I was so worried about everything else. And so I listened to his podcast, like or that episode specifically over and over and over again. And then I had a specific song that I would listen to like that would hype me up and stuff like that. I was like, okay, um, I'm not gonna quit. I'm gonna try at least one more time. I'm gonna just gonna give it my all and then just throw it out there. So even if like I don't get it, at least I know like I put it all into it. And then so I go up on stage on that day, and then I remember blacking out. I don't even remember like the the read at all. Like I remember like looking up at the the ceiling after I was done, and then I remember like one of the big zoom um the staff there like their mouth, there's I think somebody took a picture of it. Their mouth was like I was like, what happened? And then um my anxiety like I pushed it to the side, I actually not pushed it to the side, but I like used it to like push into the character and like I I took a read that I knew that was like right for me, but I was always afraid of not I guess I was f afraid of getting that read, but also I wanted to challenge myself with other reads. But then I was like, you know what, I'm just gonna go with what I feel natural with. And I was like, I've never tried I haven't tried that before. So I took it and I read the specs really quick because it's it's hard to read the specs quick like that, right? And that was a problem too, finding out which one was right for me, and then boom, you're you're next on stage. That was the day before I didn't know I was undecided like on which one to read, and I think I picked the wrong one because I was like nervous. But I I was like, okay, I'll go with the other read this time, the one that I know that I can do. And so I went on there, and then I remember um having an anxiety attack. So during the performance, I actually had an anxiety attack, and I don't know if anybody saw, but I was live my whole body was literally like shaking like this, and um, I was like, stop sneaking, just stop shaking. And it was getting me angry, so much so, to where I was like putting it all into the character, and um, and like I was like crying. I can't believe I was so glad. I was like shocked somebody got it, somebody recorded me because my phone died. Like there was so much going on that day. And then I was like, it was a lot. And I was like, I was like just getting I couldn't even read the paper because I was shaking, but I was just like trying to like I stumbled a little bit. I was like, keep going, keep going, keep going. And then um, and then I just I remembered the last part of the read, but everything else is like a blur. And then I just was like, And then, um, and then I got I remember getting off stage, crying my eyes out. I could barely even walk to like um to where we were sitting at because I was like, um, I was like having like a really bad anxiety attack. It was r like I was the worst one I've ever had. And I think it was because I put everything into it. I was crying, I was like, I'm sorry, I I didn't mean to. I was like, I was like, oh, I I don't want to like because you know, other people were getting on stage and I didn't want to like you know get away from like get away from their performance. So I was like trying to hold it in. I was like, oh I was like, I'm so sorry, like just just don't worry about me. And then a whole group of us just came over me and they they were they like like carried me back to where we were sitting at and they was like it's okay, star, it's okay. And and then mommy O'Connor was looking at me, she was like, I was like, oh my god. It's like it was insane, and then um I remember going in the bathroom, and then I saw her, she she came in the bathroom, and then she was smiling at me, and I was like, Oh, oh, hello, you know, giving up respect, and I was like, and um, because I was still having the diety attack, so I'm wiping tears from my eyes and stuff, and I was so embarrassed, I didn't know she was there until like she passed by me, and I was like, Oh my gosh. And then Um then fast forward to like uh the finals announcement, they uh announced uh the final finalist, and then um I was like I was really sad because I didn't think I I got it because of everything that was going on. And I was like, um, but you know, we'll just try it again next time. And then um I was like, you know what, go go support your um your friend star, go give them that support that they need and like you know, be there for them. This is their moment. So I was like, let me go get up. And then I was like, uh, let me go to like to the side of the stage. And then um, and then I don't know why. Something just told me to go on the side of the stage, and then they were um announcing everyone, and then it was like, but what? There's more, and we were like we were all like, what? What do you mean? And then they were like, um, we have actually five additional winners for the the um uh the contest where you can do like um the uh 30-minute consultation, and then they were calling everyone, and then they um called my name like second in line, and then I was like, oh my god, I was not expecting it again at all. Started bursting out in tears, felt bad again because I didn't want to bring a dick to the media, and I'm so happy like my friends like uh took pictures and stuff because my phone was dead. Yeah, and then it was it was just um um I'm I feel very grateful, very, really blessed, and and it just shows like if you keep trying and keep going throughout everything, like it it will pay off. And and like all the the whole group that we had like for years, they all got almost all of them got callbacks. There's still a couple of us that haven't like gotten callbacks left, uh the a lot of us got um to the finals um and and uh callbacks and stuff like that. So uh throughout because they still kept going, they still kept following them like I did um to each and every event and kept just kept trying and pushing and evolving and um and growing stronger and learning and just having fun. So yeah, it's it was uh amazing experience. I'll never forget it for the rest of my life, honestly.

SPEAKER_05 24:10

That's good.

SPEAKER_01 24:11

Yeah, that's good. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, it was it was it was fun, it was it was really nice, and I didn't even know I didn't even know that they noticed me you at all. And they was like, we were watching you the whole time, like you know, like evolving over the years and getting better, and and um they I I was I was like wow, I was like, 'cause you don't win, that doesn't mean you can't be a superstar one day.

SPEAKER_05 24:42

You know exactly because you're already on that stage, you're improving, and you're already performing. One of those performances, it's funny, one of those performances that you did would be perfect probably for an anime role in the future. You know, you look back, it's like 2024, I didn't win that, but that's perfect for this character. And then that finalist, that final is one that I won with everybody else, that's perfect for this character. It's all a process, and the whole thing was them seeing your grind and not giving up. And to me, that's that's what tells them this person can last out here. Because you know, it's it's another way of winning, in my opinion. That is, so you gotta be you gotta be very grateful and very, very, very proud of yourself for not giving up because you know, all those years of not you know not winning, you were because you were getting getting in front of them. Um and it was it was a way that you wanted to. It was your path. You know, everybody has their own paths of getting there, but that was yours specifically, and you stuck to it. Yeah, you know, you gotta be proud of yourself.

SPEAKER_01 25:46

Oh, thank you. Thank you. Um, and I just hope anybody out there, like na like just never if you love it, never give up. Because when you finally achieve it, it's like a feeling like none other. I remember when it happened and I was just like standing on stage with like the the confetti oh my god with like the confetti and stuff, and then um we were all crying. Mommy was crying because of me, and like I started crying, I started crying, and everybody else started crying, and then a whole bunch of voice actors were wrapped around me, and I was like, I was feeling bad because I felt like I needed to work harder. It was so weird. I felt like I felt like I didn't work hard enough for it, but I don't know, it's so weird, and then I was like telling them, I was like, I I work hard, I know I worked hard for it, I worked so hard, and they was like, we know, and then um everybody was around us started crying too. And oh my gosh, I was like, how do you know? They was like, we see, we watch you.

SPEAKER_05 26:46

They see it, they see it. That's I'm telling you, that was the the grind was the reward, not only for you, but for them to see all of that. To me, like this it uh this is very controversial. Uh you can definitely disagree. Definitely disagree with me on this. Um again, there are two different ways of winning, and that's getting on that stage or actually winning the contest. Um, I think the biggest one is getting on that stage. If it's if you feel led to, if you feel led to, if you don't and you're on another path, then I also respect that because everybody's different. Um, there's no like weight, you know what I mean? It's it's all for the current it's all for the for the specific person and it holds a lot of weight for them individually.

SPEAKER_01 27:29

Right. And it really tests you like a as a as an actor and as a person, like if you can actually even get on the stage and perform, you know.

SPEAKER_05 27:39

Yep. Again, if you're led to do that, uh and if it's a test that you specifically need to do, um, then and you get on that stage, yeah, you've won. And to me, you won eight times.

SPEAKER_03 27:52

So you know that's just me.

SPEAKER_05 27:56

So you know, you have to put that into consideration. Also, you got in front of them eight times. That's you they saw the progression, and they saw again. I keep I'm like a broken record, they saw they came and last. And that's I uh I think uh for me, I've I'm not to make this about me, but like I've had Yeah, I mean it's it's we're interviewing you. It's both of us. It's a conversation, girl. Come on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, wait, come on. Um it's uh it's um uh I forgot what I was gonna say, but um It's okay, I do it all the time.

SPEAKER_01 28:30

No, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 28:31

Um it's uh I think I was gonna say, like, yeah, they've um they've seen the progression and it's again, it's all about lasting because I oh I I know what I was gonna say. Uh on my path that I've felt led to do that I've been on, it's man, when you know because you know how it is remotely. We're both in Florida. We're both in Florida. It's so hard. It's I call it the Wild West out here, right?

SPEAKER_01 29:00

Yeah, there's nothing here. Yeah, it's I mean we have Disney, but like for some reason it's just like it's so closed off, like uh there's not we they don't really record, you know, stuff here really.

SPEAKER_05 29:13

So not and it's it's different type of acting. There are there is a hub in Miami. Um they have their own hub, um Centauro, uh Universal, uh Synergia, um, and a few others. Um, but you know, it's like uh Florida is still up and coming in ways, and because of other logistics that I'm not very uh intelligent on, it's um it's just it's difficult. And uh yeah, it's I'm not I don't understand everything, but it is like the Wild West out here and it's hard. Um the the grind can really get to you, and especially you know I I know from my experience it has for me, but um I know for me like to stay on this path until I feel led to where I want to move. Um it's just how am I going to react and going to um get better with all of this competition, all of this uh anxiety, all of this um imposter syndrome, which is like tripled. Yes, because of just where we are. Um this is not a us against the world type of thing. It's just the circumstances and you just have to do the best with what you got.

SPEAKER_01 30:36

Um and and even life on top of that, you know, dealing with things that are going on in your personal life too. Like it's like so hard to juggle everything together and yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 30:48

It's it's I will say, yeah, for me, um my journey has been has been wild. But you know, it's uh it's a story in its own right, you know. And I get that, I get that. I get that.

SPEAKER_01 31:02

Yeah, I and I'm I right I can't wait to I want to dig into that and hear hear all about it.

SPEAKER_05 31:07

Yeah, yep, yep.

SPEAKER_01 31:09

Right now.

SPEAKER_05 31:11

Right now. Right now. Right now right now, right now. We're gonna dig into the details. This is your kids into the details. Oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah. Um, where did you want to start, if I may ask?

SPEAKER_01 31:26

Let's start from the beginning.

SPEAKER_05 31:27

The beginning.

SPEAKER_01 31:28

The day you were born. Um It looks like a um a pun, but I mean, we can't start heroin.

SPEAKER_05 31:35

We can, we can. It explains a lot, but I mean I've done that in other podcasts, and it's uh man, it's an up and down story, man.

SPEAKER_01 31:46

It's yeah, uh it deals with some heavy topics and let's get into it because like I guess I'm like uh like I feel like every like there is somebody out there that's listening to this that probably has like a really similar story to yours and will influence them in like you know, doing it too. So like if you are comfortable, like if you're comfortable with it, so um I don't want yeah, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_05 32:10

It's a it's kind of a long story a little bit. Is that okay, Star?

SPEAKER_01 32:13

Yes, I will I love long stories. I love the lore. Uh yes. I love that's the the podcast in itself.

SPEAKER_05 32:21

You get you get the Josh Portillo lore. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 32:24

Yay.

SPEAKER_05 32:26

So uh I was um I was born on January 18th, 1995, in Jacksonville, Florida. Um to uh um my my parents, obviously. Uh um my my mom, uh I I I do a little backtrack. My mom was a military brat. She moved all over the place. Uh hard to make friends. Uh she lived in Hawaii for like eight years. She lived in Germany when she was younger. Uh oh wow. Yeah, born in Kansas City, you know, go Chiefs, I guess. Um to other places, and then they settled at Fayetteville, where uh Fort Bragg is, now Fort Liberty. And um, so that was her. My dad, he was born in Jack, or no, he was born in Virginia, moved down to Jacksonville, you know, um, lived the uh a life. Um uh this is where it gets kind of I don't all my details get kind of like all over the place, star. So I apologize.

SPEAKER_01 33:27

No worries, no worries.

SPEAKER_05 33:28

Um, but they met each other. Um, they were young. Um I'm not gonna get into their business. They were young, they met each other at work. Uh they used to work at a um hibachi grill, uh a big one in Jacksonville that used to be there, it's not there anymore, unfortunately. But um they met there, had me. Um and then, you know, growing up, my my dad was kind of like my hero. We used to play video games together, we used to watch movies together, with my mom, of course.

SPEAKER_00 33:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 34:00

And um, you know, up until f up until four years old, it was great. And then things changed. Oh god. Everybody's human. Everybody's human. Um, I used to have a different reaction, a different way of explaining this part, but because currently I'm 31 years old, and there's a lot of while I'm still young, there's been a lot of uh retrospection or or introspection. Uh and when you're I guess back then, during my parents' time, back in the 70s and 80s, it's like there wasn't a lot of therapy. There wasn't a lot of ways to to talk about your issues.

SPEAKER_01 34:44

And then with when and and even if there it was, it was hard for parents like to accept it and to get help as well.

SPEAKER_05 34:56

Yep, and uh they unfortunately, um, not all of the people, but uh the environment uh that they were in was just not the best, and they were rebels in their own right. Um and when you got two rebels get together, mmm, not good. Uh but and then it just kind of exploded. Uh just you know, bad stuff just kind of exploded, you know, maybe built up anger, um, childhood stuff, uh being an adult for my dad being a father, my mom, uh not knowing any better that she doesn't need a man to be happy, you know, that sort of that sort of stuff. Um I'm gonna try to explain this in a detailed but good way. Uh so like I still remember this night. This was 1999, March 1999, and uh um my dad had gotten in in a fight at work, and my mom had gotten a call like at eight o'clock from him, and it was an eerie call. Eerie. Um, and uh, long story short, we fall asleep. I still remember the steak, rice, steamed rice, and green bean dinner that she made on the wooden table. And I still remember the Tasmanian devil green pillow. I still remember the Lion King blanket on the couch, and we fell asleep on the couch. And around 3 a.m. From what I've learned now, uh he comes in and I'm not you can probably kind of guess what happens next. Um that. Yeah, it was pretty bad. Uh I still remember the yells, I still remember the screams, I still remember walking in between the kitchen and again, I was four years old, and my heart's pumping at a rate that it's not supposed to be pumping at. Um and my dad was on top of her with still like this freaking knife that look uh this is a dark comedy moment. Uh this is not it's it's it it was like a miniature version of the zempatu or whatever it's called from bleach. And I was like, Oh my god, that thing is sharp. This is not good, right? Yeah, um, and uh like I still remember my mom holding holding him back and saying, like, Josh, go to your room, go to your room, go to your room, literally while holding him back from doing the do, right? Yeah, um, and I just she's like, Don't look. And I looked. I watched everything. Everything. Um, and uh, you know, I felt so bad in that moment, even at four years old, because I was like, I can't, I can't stop it. I can't do anything. I'm I'm so powerless right now. I can't do anything. I I just can't. I don't have the ability. And so I ran um into the uh I ran onto the couch, went underneath my Lion King blanket, and I waited. And I didn't know what the hell was going to happen. And I was like, I just hear screams everywhere. I just hear people getting hurt, or my, you know, my my mom getting hurt, my dad doing that. Um sorry, I'm just fixing the volume.

SPEAKER_04 38:32

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_05 38:33

And um about 15 minutes goes by, 20 minutes, and I lift my blanket up, and just everything's destroyed. The chairs are all over the place, broken up. There's like a bunch of like cluttered stuff all over the brown carpet. It was like in this eerie light that we had that was like on in the hallway. I just like it's like if you tilt your head, it looked like a scene out of a horror movie. Like the camera like doing that, you know? And um, I still remember just like a broken, uh ripped up telephone uh bla landline telephone thing, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 39:19

And uh after that, uh my memory kind of like checks out. Um from what I learned years later, uh so the neighbors heard my mother crying for help and sh they called the police. We did not know they did that, of course. My mom had grabbed me apparently and was like, we need to get out of here or he's gonna kill us. I can't remember this part, but this is probably why I don't like guns. So my dad had a had a had a had a handgun and he apparently he held my mom told me this. She he he held her by the collar, held her up, and was like, you know Excuse my language, but he's like, you ain't going fucking anywhere. Like stay the fuck here. And uh I was there and I I can't remember anything, so I guess, you know. It's funny, and this is what makes me a believer right when we got into the to the doorway and he did that and said all that shit, the cops are right there. Right outside. Watching, watching and about to take his ass down.

unknown 40:40

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_05 40:41

And they did, and they brought him to the cop car, he gave us the dirtiest look. I still remember it. And uh, you know, uh, you know, they were questioning my mom my mom, and uh, you know, I always I was like, you know, you're you're too you're too nice for your own good. She didn't say everything that I saw. Um and that is a known thing in law enforcement when it comes to domestic abuse, uh domestic violence. The um one of the partners does not say all the whole truth because they love the person.

SPEAKER_00 41:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 41:21

Um, that is just a thing.

SPEAKER_00 41:23

That is very true.

SPEAKER_05 41:25

That is a thing. So uh I still remember them leaving, I still remember us going to my um my aunt's or my my godmother's and um I was watching Dexter's Lab.

SPEAKER_00 41:40

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_05 41:41

I still remember it was the episode where uh Didi versus the ninjas and the the the sky was red. I I still remember all of that. Um and this was again, this was 29 or 31, 30, 29, 20, 27 years ago. Um and so yeah, it's uh that kind of really did change kind of like the trajectory of my life. Yeah. Um because my development mentally and just whatever, it it got out of whack. Um, they sent me to a mental institution for kids who have seen terrible things. Okay. I thought it was church school, that's what my mom thought. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:30

He was just like, okay.

SPEAKER_05 42:32

Sure, sure. And um at the end of this this part of the story, I guess, uh my dad only got two days of jail for it.

SPEAKER_00 42:44

So are you kidding me?

SPEAKER_05 42:47

Yeah.

unknown 42:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 42:49

Got two days of jail for for uh for p that. But m again, because my mom didn't tell the cops everything, that it was actually a d a double attempted murder. Um it's yeah, it's uh there yeah. There is that. So uh he came back. I was just about to uh say he did. Okay. He did. He came back, and uh we It's like nothing even happened. We picked him up from jail and he didn't say a word. It was like he fell asleep basically. And I didn't understand. I didn't understand anything of what was going on. And in the years that passed I I I would have these episodes, man. I would have these episodes of just um anxiety, just a lot of um uh intrusive thoughts, just like very bad. And I didn't really Know how to handle it. I would be shaking, you know. I would be hanging out with my mom uh uh you know on the couch, or you know, we'd be watching TV or something, and I'd just be it I I would be just in another world basically. And I didn't really know how to interact with kids, I didn't really know how to make friends, I didn't really know how to just be normal, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 44:27

Uh yeah, I who can blame you?

SPEAKER_05 44:30

Like you went through something so it was it was uh it was rough and I didn't understand. I thought it was all like it was all my fault that you know I'm feeling this way. And uh, you know, especially when I would see stuff like that that was like the things that I saw, like maybe trials on TV or just America's Most Wanted or some like that, you know. You know, I would get I would my my mind would start racing. I would get in these anxiety attacks and these moments, and I would just be like, oh my gosh, like am I gonna be like that? Am I gonna do something to myself or i uh you know am I gonna am I gonna hurt somebody like that like it was uh it was a lot um at six, seven, seven, eight years old. And I remember I got so done with it all that I to respect the listeners or viewers, I wanted to unalive myself. So um I rem I still remember it. Uh my mom was sleeping on the couch in the living room and I went into the kitchen. Um I hated school, I didn't have a lot of friends. Uh deep down I knew my dad was a piece of sh or just the way he just not a good person. At that point, it's hard to say. It's it's just from a person who has not had the right uh people around him and the right guidance and the right, you know, just just you know the right friends. It's led him to do that, you know, and uh yeah, I I remember I got the same knife. I still remember that, the same sword-looking knife. You know, I held it up to my face. And there was just this voice in my head. I didn't know what it was, but it was like you got you can't go yet. You have things to do. Whatever those things are, I don't know. But you have things to do, you can't go yet. And I was so mad at myself that I didn't have the guts to do it. Um, I just I didn't understand. So I tried it again, but it didn't work. It was the same type of like thought that I had that you know, you ha your time here is not done. You have so much to do. And whatever it is, you have to be ready for it. So I put the knife away and I didn't tell my mother for another so eight eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, for another five years. I didn't I didn't open up to her about that. Um we we moved, we uh long story short on this part, I failed the fourth grade. That sucked. Um oh man, when you're the one of the fattest kids in elementary school, and also you fail a grade, who dog?

SPEAKER_01 47:31

And then all the kids know because that they went up and oh I I also failed the second grade, and I also failed um, I think I failed twice, so I got held back twice. So yeah, I definitely had to go through that. Oh, thank you. I was also bullied as well, so it was just yeah.

SPEAKER_05 47:54

Kids can be cruel. Kids can be cruel. Uh I remember this one kid uh was like, oh my gosh, you failed. You're great below us, man, you suck. And then he just like walks away. He did that numerous times.

SPEAKER_01 48:06

It's just like stuff like that just sticks in your brain.

SPEAKER_05 48:09

Like it's like I'm 31 years old and I can still remember.

SPEAKER_01 48:13

You can still remember, yes. I remember a lot of instances like that too. It's like, why is it still like here? Yeah, it's just like Yes, yes, remember.

SPEAKER_05 48:24

You get it. And that sucked. Um uh, I still remember, like I told my friend JB, I was like, I still remember the moment or the times when I would sit in the clo uh the hallway to wait for our homeroom teacher to let us in. And all the kids that were in my class that I failed with, or that, you know, they they went above me, uh walk past me while I was sitting down, walked past me into the fifth grade hall. And I was just like, man, that sucks, man.

SPEAKER_01 48:58

Yeah. It's like they're it's like they're it feels like they're leaving you behind. Yeah. Like you're supposed to. But then like I honestly I'm happy that I kind of like like because I don't know, like the generations before me, I felt like I never, even though like when I was in high school, middle school, I um I didn't really, I was never like a popular kid, but apparently I would I just took talk to like um some people I went to high school with and they said like I was like I was known, but like I was always a kid in like the back just sitting, you know, and then like I get picked on. But apparently I was no I didn't know that, but um it was like I felt I felt like I fit in more with that um age group than I did with the older age group, even though it was all like really bad.

SPEAKER_05 49:48

I feel that. I feel that it's it's finding your your your um I mean I mean your crowd, you know? It's it took me a long time to find mine, and uh and then you grow up and you're like you find different crowds and all that stuff when you were younger. It's just it was hard because it was like linear, it's it's like a linear video game. You're just you know, one grade, two, grade, three, grade, four grade, you failed, uh crap. Uh now you got drama, and it's like uh it's like you had to make it interesting a little bit to to get to the ending, you know. Now you got conflict. Now you got now the girl that you like is in the the grade above you. Now that causes even more drama, you know? You know, it's it sucks, right? It's it stinks.

SPEAKER_02 50:34

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 50:42

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 50:44

It sucks, it sucks. But it's all here, it's all it's all we're both here and we're both uh now telling our stories. So you know, it's good.

SPEAKER_01 50:53

Thank you, thank you so much for sharing that. Like, oh my gosh, like and and now like look at you! Like I I knew I knew I was in for a treat. Oh my god, more there is more fine.

SPEAKER_05 51:04

Yes, give me more. Give me more, okay. We haven't even gotten to we haven't even gotten past arc one yet. Um gosh, so you failed or not you.

SPEAKER_03 51:17

Well, I mean yeah. We we failed, we failed. But look at us now. Are you watching?

SPEAKER_02 51:32

Look who's laughing at who now.

SPEAKER_03 51:35

Right.

SPEAKER_05 51:36

You meant right, right. No, but okay, so that happened. That happened. That happened. And so I I got kind of my act together a little bit with school, but the other thing that was kind of, you know, egging on me was my weight and my uh just overall health mentally. Um I remember opening up to my mom randomly when I was 13, just saying, like, I hate dad, you know, I hate this life. I almost, you know, unalived myself whenever I was eight twice, you know. I just I hate him. I hate him. He is ruining our lives. And when you get older, you're you're you know, 13, 14, you're not you're not young. You you you are a teen, you're a teenager at that point. You're thinking, you have you have thoughts. You know, you can put two and two together and be in like together, yes, like a puzzle piece.

SPEAKER_01 52:28

Like, yeah, I know what you mean.

SPEAKER_05 52:31

You know, take away all of the the games, take away all of the the useless entertainment that he's that that's been thrown at you. Take all take away all of that. Look at where you are. And it's I mean, this is a good therapy uh um strategy that I've learned too in my time in therapy. It's like look uh self-awareness. Where are you? You are look at your house. Look at, you know, how is it? It's dirty. It is, you know, it's like you're in a pr a frat house, basically. Um it's dirty, you know, he's never here, your parents never hang out, your mom is always at home. He's made her he's made her quit her job. Uh, that's another thing. Um that was pretty bad. But just because he thought that she was uh cheating on him, um, which she wasn't. Um it's like your ma you know, you you and your mom are going through it, and uh your mom's uh having her times, having her troubles, her difficulties, her mental health issues that like you. And it's like you're surrounded by a lot of beer cans and all that shit. And it's things gotta change. And you look into the mirror and you're like, if you want to change some stuff, you gotta change yourself. And um, I knew if I wanted to make any type of change in my life, it had to start with me. Because I mean, I mean at that point in sixth grade, I was 345. Oh wow that was my highest. And I was like, I am I am on the crash course for you know diabetes and death. I'm gonna eat myself out of this life, so I need to do something. And I I did not like um there's a there's another thing. I did not like sports, I did not like yeah, I did not like football because I don't like hitting people. And of course, now that you've heard stuff about me, you probably wonder, you probably know why I don't like hitting people. Um it's because of my dad. And you know, all that crap. And uh but the coaches at the middle school I was at, uh I was a big kid, so they wanted me. And I tried out. Uh I was so scared. Uh and uh, you know, they were about to cut me, but the head coach was like, you know, he's let this kid through. You know, I think he needs it. And so, you know, I was able to get on, and um I remember you know, after the football season going into the weight room by myself and start working out by myself, going at my own pace, but being consistent with it and being, you know, putting time with it and being dedicated to it and just finding a safe haven. I remember being in the weight room alone and having the music on. No one was bothering me.

SPEAKER_00 55:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 55:30

And it just felt like the for the first time in my life, it was a it was like it was like the bonfire in Dark Souls.

SPEAKER_04 55:38

You know?

SPEAKER_05 55:38

Yeah, it was like it was like going to to your home base or whatever the the home base is in whatever video game you're playing. It just felt safe. Uh no judgment. You know, when I was by myself, no, no one yelling at you, no one calling you a fat ass, no one calling you useless, you know, that sort of crap. Yeah, you're just you and you're improving. By the end of the s of seventh grade, I'd lost like 145.

SPEAKER_00 56:09

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_05 56:10

And uh at that point, that's what gave me perspective. I was like, if I can change myself, I think I can change our living environment. And for me, that was such a jump because that's so beyond for me. That was so beyond like are you saying you it's like are you doing a world change right now? Are you doing a Kratos from from uh from Sparta to to the to to um uh uh wherever he's at in the new games, like um uh Norse mythology? Like is that what you're trying to do, bro? Dude, dude, you are in like in my mind of like your home life is domestic violent home life. You are you know you live in a frat house basically, and that's that's that's your life. You know, your parents are gonna die together, and you know, they're gonna die probably rebels or some some crap like that, right? Unhealthy, controlling, manipulative, all that shit. And I was like, hell no. No, no, we need to change that. We need to change that. We need to change that. But unfortunately, when you're dealing with someone like that, it's like it's hard to catch them in the act. It's hard, you can't call the police on them and say, hey, hey, hey, remember this dude from 1999 that did all that? Yeah, um, arrest him. But he's not doing anything. All he's doing is yelling and he finds his moments. Uh when he got older, he started to do more emotional and verbal. He would throw things probably. He my mom would always say he would throw like vases and shit all over the place. And that's why like I come home from school and there's a broken vase on the ground. I'm like, what happened here? Oh wait, duh. Yeah. He does that crap. Um, he did it behind my back. And uh, you know, I'm not saying that my mom ain't a s my mom can my mom would tell you straight, you know, firsthand, she wasn't a sane either. But I could see the what's wrong here. So again, I always I I thought to myself, I'm like, the police won't believe me. Everybody loves my dad in the city. My dad was the at at one point he was the most the the most liked or the most the g the best hibachi chef in Jacksonville. I remember that in a newspaper. Everybody loved my dad. Uh he was good with people. He was a good talker and he was a good entertainer. And uh to me, uh when I figured that out, I was like, well crap, crap. I can't I can't really go against that either, can I? Um So I was like, again, you just have to change, you have to do something with yourself. What can you do to change and to maybe innovate and to maybe just to show that you want change. If you want change, you gotta change yourself. You have to improve yourself. And I thought, well, I can always try to get a better education and try to do try to get far into football, even though I'm not a big fan of it. Uh so I decided to go to or try to enter a uh uh Christian uh college preparatory high school. Uh which was a very high like jump from where I was like academically. Uh I got in, which was a godsend, right? And from there, like the uh the the the mission was get a full ride so you two can leave. That was my headcanon. That was my headcanon. That was the dream. I did not care really about college, I didn't really care about my future or anything. I just wanted us to be safe. And I thought for me, there's not a lot I can do, but at least I think I can do that. And so I kept it under wraps. My mom, my mom kind of knew what what I was doing. And she's she's smart, and she's like, I'll stay with him for four years so you can stick this out. Go make me proud, basically. Um she saw like, you know, uh me starting to get a good education, all that stuff. I was starting to get a head over my shoulders, like I was starting to understand, you know, what I could do in the world, I guess. Um It was hard, I gotta say, in high school. Um my mom's health started to decline a little bit. Um she had like this benign tumor that that kept growing. And so she had that for all four years. And it was like a time uh a time a time bomb. And we didn't have insurance. Um there was also a uh a uh uh uh a deal that we made with the school, because we're very lower class. That's what we want. We my mom was like, we live in the projects, that's what we live at. And uh the deal was basically, I believe, what it was, um if I had a D on one report card, I'd be kicked out. Uh because it's a private school. It's a private school. They have standards. They have standards.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:00

So I had to there was a lot of stress star. A lot.

unknown 1:02:04

A lot.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:05

Uh for for a teenager. Uh you're wanting to, you're wanting to get out. You're wanting to change your world, basically. You're wanting to see your mom. Yeah, see your mom happy again, have a chance. And it doesn't, I think I could say this now for reasons. She had she still had those love goggles on, and I think it was my job to like say, like, hey, we need to leave. Or you're going to I don't know when your time is. I don't know when any of our times are.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:36

It's not gonna end well.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:38

It's not gonna end well. You're not gonna end life with the guy that you that you love.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:45

So that that you really don't love. Like maybe you do, but this is not love. No. So all four years, Star, I remember I would work out over and over and over and over again, breaking my body down. I've uh like if I was a if I was a fan of Berserk and Guts back then, he would have been on my wall, like the struggler. I would have been like, that's my shit right there. I can relate to that. Um I'm gonna, I know we've been talking a lot about this stuff. Not even voice acting. It'll get there, trust me.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:19

Yeah, this is a part of the law. I promise.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:23

Um I'm gonna fast forward through high school. So, junior year, I tore my ACL. Oh no, you know what a lot of people don't understand what that is, but I know just from that reaction, you know what that is.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:36

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:37

That is that is a career, almost a career-ending injury.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:41

Yes. And um my gosh.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:44

And you work with kids, you work at a gym, so you have understanding of this stuff. Um, I l I don't think you're gonna like this part. So my coach, I sat out of spring ball, my junior year, I didn't get it operated on, I played on it.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:03

No, you didn't!

SPEAKER_05 1:04:04

I did, and it gets worse. So because I did that, because I did that, and I uh, you know, overcompensation is a thing, um, I tore the other one. I tore the other one. It was my senior year. I went to my coach, he knew my situation. Uh I'd been living by this point I'd been I've been jumping from home to home basically. And I because my mom understood if you stay around here, you're going to kill your father. Um you need to get this, you know, you need to go hard in school and complete your time at the school that you're at. But if you need to leave here, you know, I'll be fine. Go. Like, have be a teenager, you know. It's there's a lot of drama around here. Just be a teenager. It's hard to balance that.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:00

Right.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:01

Uh so I was bouncing from home to home. One of them was my coaches, and he understood my situation. Uh but by senior year I had torn both. They were never I have never gotten my knees operated on up until now. Like, even now. I they're still they're the same knees. And um, I went to my coaches and I was like, I'm scared.

unknown 1:05:23

I'm scared.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:23

Yeah. I is there another way? Like, like and they, I mean back then I would say this was all them, but I did say yes, so I take ownership. They they convinced me to play, and I remember having two braces on and play uh in my mind that whole team played with two torn ACLs.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:46

Oh my gosh, Josh!

SPEAKER_05 1:05:48

It was wild. I hurt that hurt so freaking much. Um I can only imagine the explosion off the ball, the spring that I had in my freshman year, and even my sophomore year. Four year was not there anymore. It was all upper body. It was all right here. You know, because I was a nose guard. Um, I couldn't play both sides of the ball anymore, so it was uh I was a nose guard, and I could just use my upper body and plug in the um the gaps.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:18

But it hurt, and I did not get any colleges. It was a mission failure. Uh but and my mom was at that point, she was like, I'll just stay with your dad to so you can go to college. I was like, fuck no, that's the reason why I came to this high school.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:35

And that's why you were working so hard and and doing that with a torn ACL. It's oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:43

And now it this is where it gets kind of fun. Um, this is where I met all my friends. So that same year I I joked myself into doing the uh you know corral, right? Um my mom says you don't lie, so I was like, I guess I don't. I guess I'm doing chorale in my senior year. Um and I found out that I was a tenor out of all things. Uh and um I ended up auditioning for the musicale. Uh we did Phantom of the Opera. That was fun.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:19

Oh, I hear that one's a good one.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:22

It is, it is. And uh, you know, we did that, and just and just the friends I made, the friends I made along the way. Uh uh, they um, you know, for up until this point, I was 18 years old now, and it was hard to make people or to convince people of my situation at home. Um because most of the people that I knew that I knew knew that uh knew Gino, my dad, from uh the hibachi place. Uh that he was a known chef, that he was good. Um and uh besides that though, to all my other friends that I had, it was hard to just get into it.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:07

The friends that I made that senior year at they they believed. And uh they uh we're still friends today, you know. Uh I live with two of them.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:18

Uh oh, that's the one that he's seven seventeen years. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:23

Yep. And uh I love them. And uh they they they believed. And uh I remember I remember one of them, Lee. Yeah, he's again, he's like he's like a brother to brother to me. And he's like, you know, we're gonna get your mom out somehow. And I was like, I I didn't know what to think because I was like, I don't know what to do, man. Like, I don't even know about my own future. You know, I just at this point, I just want to see her have a different life. And again, I don't know when our times are. She, yeah, so um I keep saying long story short because I'm not gonna say all the details, but it was like a community effort at at in the end. All my friends, you know, whether they were encouraging, believing, or helping firsthand, you know, um, it took all of that to kind of change our world. Basically. And I wouldn't be here right now talking to you if we didn't go through all that. Um we uh we got her out, we changed, you know, the environment. Uh she finally, you know, finally saw like just this is not right. I have a whole like my my my son has all of his friends now seeing what he sees. It's not just it's it's it's right there, you know. And uh I still remember Lee and I taking her to the um to the um uh the Greyhound station and uh hugging her and you know, after so many ups and downs, because this process was wild. It was so stressful. Um I wished her off and she went back home to to North Carolina and um it wasn't a it wasn't uh an easy road, of course, even when she got there. Getting back on her feet and everything. But after that, you know, divorce papers came in and it was over. It was over. Wow graduated high school, went to college, tried to do ministry, it wasn't right for me, and then um went back to Jacksonville because my mom at the same time she was like Josh, Josh, he's still your father. And he does love you. You need to make peace with him, you need to forgive him for everything. So one of the things that led me back home to go to college there was that was that um that experience did change him. It it I met him again, um, and he cried in my arms. He he understood. I remember him, I told him everything. I was stone faced with him too. I was like, you want to see her again. But I'm here and he's like, I understand. I'm just glad that you're safe, uh, that you're here. And uh I felt uh it was hard, it was confusing. I mean, I had so many years that I was the I villainized this man. He was my motivation, like for a good decade. And I was like, you know, now I have to make peace with him. And at some point I I I was getting used to it. And I still remember one of the last things he told me, because unfortunately, he passed away. Um, not yeah, he passed away actually that year when I made peace with him.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:10

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:11

Yeah, he told me, and this was when I didn't really understand. I was in my early twenties at this point, and I didn't understand life, of course. You're you're only 20. I mean, and he's like, son, you just, you know, you have to stop and smell the roses because you never know when they're gonna be gone. And you just gotta you just gotta be grateful for what you got. Uh he told me that. I remember we promised each other that he would come to our to the college and uh cook us a dinner because he was a good cook.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:46

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:47

And he wanted to just change. I I could see it. He just wanted a new st beginning and he never got it. Um yeah, he passed away. And that kind of it kind of left me. I didn't it was just weird because I was like, I wished for so many years that he would just die. And I got it. And that's not what I'm saying. And then it felt yeah. Yeah, and it did affect my mother in a lot of ways. Um yeah. So for a few years there, I went through college and I didn't know what the hell I was doing. Then by my second to last year, I believe, that's when I got with Ryan. That's when I got with my friend, uh, who I s one of the friends I live with, um, that we were talking about before we started started the the uh the podcast. And uh he wanted to be a voice actor. And I was like, I you know what?

unknown 1:13:55

You know what?

SPEAKER_05 1:13:56

I I I need something good right now. I need something good to happen right now. Um because if I remember correctly, I could be wrong. Around this point, Star, uh those health issues started creeping up again. Um my mom got that benign tumor uh figured out and got that out. But she has always she always had like uh bad health issues. Um she uh got MS. And um it was a very hard time. And uh I just uh you know around that time it just kept you know one thing after the other over the years. And so we we we uh Ryan and I we we uh ended up doing voice acting together. He wanted to and I wanted to support him. Uh we uh went through the whole Danganropa series, we practiced with that, then we got our equipment, we started recording uh recording uh auditions from casting call club, um met our friends, you know. Some of uh we still have them today, um some of them I know he does. And uh for me personally, uh I just felt led to after Ryan kind of talked to me, kind of had a mini intervention with me a little bit, saying like you're going in a lot of directions, and you know, you gotta pick one. And I said, you know, maybe voice acting, I've it's the scariest path, but I think at some I have to dedicate myself to that. And um, you know, some stuff happened here and there. I'm I'm fast forwarding because you know, I'd like to talk about other stuff, but I want to finish the story. So um so it's just a lot of stuff happened around 2018 and 2021. Mom health issues, just other crap that didn't work out. Some of it my fault, some of it just uh stuff that didn't work out again. And so, you know, you know, I uh decided to do uh you know, do the two job grind trying to do try trying to grow into voice acting and and do a desk job. And my friends were uh encouraging me to go full time with it and do full time with voiceover. They're like, you need to take the jump now. You have the cushion, you have the the people around you, it's time. And uh they're you know, they were right. So I took the the leap in 2022, I went full time with it. It's busy, it's stressful, it's um we can talk more logistics about it after, but it's it's a grind. It's um it's a grind, and you're good. Um but I'm glad I did. My mom was uh very proud, and you know, my friends were proud. And um around 2023 was when I started to take uh trips to Los Angeles to to Dallas.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:15

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:16

But around this time, um it was the writing on the wall. Uh so um the health issues were getting super bad. Super bad. With my mom. And uh um I'm not gonna say a lot of her business.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:38

I don't want to, but I would often say we all have demons. We all have issues. Yeah. Um hers, unfortunately, was uh just more out in the open. I'll just say that. And it I know what it was from. It was from guilt that my dad passed away. It was from other stuff, and it was just from that theme that we talked about in the beginning. It's just you know, you know, it's hard to talk about sometimes, especially in that generation that didn't really grow up with it. It's to be tough, it's to to deal with it, and to move forward.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:14

Um not to process it at all, you know, like yeah, especially when you live with when you're a military brat too, and your your your father is is hard and you know, um sergeant, major, and all that. It's it's it's difficult. And um yeah. It was rough. Uh had to get she had to get open heart surgery. Um she got it had to get her leg amputated.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:49

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:50

Um I can't put it into words, just seeing that someone that you that you care about and who was really your first best friend. I mean, her and I went through hell and back together. And we we did all that stuff when I was in school. My friends were proud of her for letting go. We were we you know, we were hoping for the best. She met, she uh she met uh I say she met her soulmate. Uh my great my great stepdad, Chris. Chris. Um I love him to death. Um uh when was a man has done a has seen a lot of war. Let me tell you. Yeah. And um yeah. I'm glad that she met him. Uh, because that's all she wanted. I feel like that was her dream. I feel like besides seeing me have be have a happy life, you know, like what any good mother would want for their for their children, I feel like she wanted someone, you know, and I feel like that's a legit dream to to have someone you care about and to be with them until until you know the time. And uh she did find that. So uh but my grind to find where my next stop was, you know, for voiceover, basically, kind of halted in 2024. I hate 2024.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:22

Wow.

SPEAKER_05 1:20:23

It was in 2024 where I knew the end was near. It was it was close to being time. And I, you know, you can call me a mama's boy and all that stuff, but from what I've been through with my mom, she was one of my best friends. She was my first best friend. And to see your first best friend just get cut down slowly. It's a chilling scene. And to see them still be tough and to smile and to tell you to not worry and to have a good life and to focus on voiceover and to be with your friends, it's hard to balance.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:06

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 1:21:08

It's um it's one of the uh we were talking about it before the podcast. It's the reason why I'm in, it's one of the big reasons why I would I'm I'm in Orlando right now. Is um I felt like when it happens, I I I'm gonna need time and I'm gonna need to be around people that understand my situation, that have been there since I was 18, since I was 19. They saw the struggle and they've seen it up to up until now. And so, you know in 2024, man, I was tested. Working, I'm talking working full-time voiceover, which is stressful, tr very stressful, and worrying about that, worrying about every call on your phone, every text, you are uh on the edge of your seat saying, is this is this it? Is this the is this the text? I went through that for about two years. Uh 2023, 2024 was where it was the worst. And um all I could think about was I just want one anime. I just need one. Like I was in a rut in early 2024. I had and I'm not trying to be cocky, I'm not trying to be like, you know, but at this point I had felt like I had felt like um I had proven myself in certain ways. I could hold myself in in anime, I could hold hold myself uh, I can carry myself that's what I meant in cartoons, you know. I've grinded, people have seen my grind um within the community. Um I'm not popular with the public, but in the community, people have seen me. And they see my grind, they see my work, and I think from listening to my story star, you see why like I'm always consistent. Yes it's it's it's yeah, it's just ingrained. And um at that point I was just like, I just need one. Just one. Just one. I told my mom while she before she was uh before her surgery her open heart surgery that she had, um, you know, I was trying to find my way into Crunchyroll. Which I knew deep down, I was like, they they they don't do remote. So I don't know what the fuck I don't know what the fuck I'm saying. Um but I wanted to believe it. Again, I just wanted one. I just need one. I just want to send her out with one. Um and then my friend Donald, who had a connection, said, Hey, um, they want us this one studio that I know, it's kinda sketchy. A little bit, maybe you know, and we had just moved to our apartment that we're in right now.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:21

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:22

In Orlando, basically. And I was I was like, okay, what the heck is it, Donald? What is it, Don? And he's just like, it's for this this anime, it has something with a deer. And I was like, I bet. Fucking weird. Um, so you know, we get in contact with the studio, they uh uh they explain the whole thing. Uh and while I'm auditioning for this anime, I'm like, this is the meme that's going around. This is the meme of the blonde chick that's dancing with the deer. Whoa, that's wild. Okay, that's crazy. All right, we're we're doing that. All right, and then at the end of the audition, you know, or just a little bit later, um, a few days later, they're like, You're the deer. And I'm like, Oh, so I'm the deer that the chick is dancing to. Okay. Wow. That's wild. A few days later. A few days later.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:19

A few days later. Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_05 1:25:22

Yeah. And um, and then they're like, We're gonna test you a little bit. We want you to be this other male character. His name is Yoshiharu, and it was just me, me, that's skinnier with glasses, that's also barista. Which it was funny because my mom was a barista, which was which is yeah, it was really it was really cool. And so we did my dear friend Nokatan, all remote cast. Um it was preparation meeting opportunity. Because if I didn't, if I wasn't good enough, then I wouldn't have gotten that opportunity. Um, and my mom got to see that.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:00

Oh, which is fine, yes, which is cool.

SPEAKER_05 1:26:03

Um, I got to send her off with that. Um I will say uh the story's almost done, but it yeah, so after that, uh in September, the end of September, it was time. I got the call. I remember I was here, I was right here, star, where I had my last conversation with her. And she it was uh the the lights were off. I was seeing her um on my phone, and she was just out of it. She was just tired. She's like, okay, baby, I'll talk to you later, you know. Hang it up, and I was just like, I look, I I'm just looking around the booth, I'm like, that was the last time, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_02 1:26:50

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_05 1:26:53

The next day or the next morning. Um Chris calls, my stepdad calls, and he's like, or I can't even remember it now, but either my my friend, my my mom's friend Cheryl or Chris reached out to me and said, It's time. And so I um my friends on and off over the years have been with me on these trips for these close calls. She had a close call in 2020. Um kind of a close call in 2023. Uh yeah. Um and uh this time I had to go alone. I remember driving 10 hours to Fort Liberty. And um I could not yeah, I got I was sitting beside her at around like nine.

unknown 1:27:59

And

SPEAKER_05 1:28:00

uh she was out of it. She, you know, they're just using all the machines to keep her alive. And um I s I sat out I sat there with her for three hours and I couldn't handle it. Um deep down I felt like my mom would want me to go check on Chris right now. And the the doctors were like, you do what you gotta do. There's no right or wrong answer. And she would understand. I went to go see Chris and uh I can see that, you know, again this is a guy who's been in war for 20 plus years. He he did a lot of tours um like 13 plus he's seen a lot. And he told me he's like Josh You know your mom could have passed while you were driving your mom could have passed right now while we're talking. What matters is that you have peace in yourself that you know that you can move on and you've said what you what you've wanted to say you know are you at peace right now? And I was like yeah I I think I am and he's like yeah because the movie endings don't don't exist. Or they they they're they're very rare they're very rare very rare they're very rare and I don't see that happening. In another podcast when I when I when I've said this story I I uh I said to the to this to the uh interviewer I was like well in my mind when he said that I'm like well you don't know my mom and I it's gonna have uh it's gonna have something I know it and it did it did um so at 4 a.m Chris wakes me up and he's like we gotta go it's we gotta go and I was like okay and he's like he's it he was very respectful and he's like are you staying or are you going? And I was like I'm going I gotta I gotta I gotta finish it. Um and just at this point I was just remembering everything. I was remember remembering 1999 I was remembering all the times we had I was remembering because it was her and I for a long time and I did not have a lot of friends and even the friends that I had I just you know um there I had friends back then of course growing up but like no one could you know of it's my mom right yeah um she understood and we understood each other's pains and we went through hell together and she was my motivation for a lot of things when I was younger and it's funny she's my motivation for that anime you know it's it was all full full circle kind of deal and I was like I need to finish it I need to see her pass or at least be in the proximity.

SPEAKER_00 1:31:16

Right.

SPEAKER_05 1:31:18

Um so the three of us it was Chris Cheryl and myself we go into the car go into his pickup truck my heart's racing because I'm like I know this is about to be one of the worst days of my life while we're driving we're at Fort Liberty we're on this long road we're close to the hospital and up in the sky there's a green shooting star not half a second later star the phone rang his cell phone my stepdad takes his phone and on the phone it says Kim on it my mom's name we were all freaked out he's like hello who is this there's no talking and then it was the doctor and they used her phone to call us and said how close are you we're like we're very close like a minute away and it's like it's time you you all need to get here now okay I've never seen timing like that star never and so we go um I say my piece it's my last words um there's something I forgot to mention when I was in middle school there was this creed that they taught us and the creed goes uh for this is the beginning of a new day this is the beginning of a new day God has given us this day to use as we will we can waste it or use it for good for what we do today is important for we have exchanged a day of our lives for it we want it to be good not bad gain not loss success not failure so that we will never regret the price that we paid for it. I still remember that and I learned it at 13 years old. And we all did we all did all the kids did the kids did I know a lot of them probably forgot it. By now 30 plus year old men now right but for me I felt it it it could be adopted into something for me. I can take that for myself and um it was with that that was the I mean learning that and that time in middle school and just you know my mom believing in me and encouraging me to lose weight and you know not talking down on me and all that stuff and seeing the domino effect afterwards you know losing the weight going to the to the private school and then meeting the people and then we all helped to change our our our world basically basically she met Chris it wouldn't have happened if I you know if you know if that time in middle school didn't happen. If I personally didn't take that leap and she didn't believe right and I was like you know standing beside her and uh in her hospital room she already knew I loved her. I loved her you know we we were the type of of mother and son that always said I love you. And um she already knew that and I think I was like what are my what are my last real words going to be to her I don't know and I need to say something or I'm gonna regret it. I need to just say something and I just I I it just came to my mind and I just kind of whispered to her and it was the creed and I was like we're gonna that it all started with that and it's gonna end with that because I was like that was the just learning that was one of the first good things in my life and it helped you we're gonna end it with that I uh I stepped out of the the room I let Chris take my place and you know my mom was always a strong individual strong willed willed she was a rebel and uh she liked to do things her way she liked to you know you know and I was like you know what you know what I'm gonna sit right here outside this room and I'm gonna let you do your business like you like um Chris took my spot and you know I I wanted him to be close to her but it was kind of like my last thing to her I'm like you're a big girl and I know you always have you know you don't need a s anybody saving you like you can save yourself. You were strong this whole time and I know like it was a I don't know if I'm even explaining this right but it it sounds kind of sick but I was like do what you gotta do. And then she you know she passed uh you know we left the uh left the hospital and it was a blur. Um I I remember you know my my s my stepdad you know both of us crying and everything or just like me actually I was holding I was trying to hold it together. Uh for him.

unknown 1:37:36

For him.

SPEAKER_05 1:37:37

Mastar I will tell you one thing I have never screamed like that in my life when I drove because I I decided to leave the morning of because I just couldn't stay in the vicinity that she was in not too long ago. And um I just I was I drove out of the neighborhood I stopped and that is the loudest I have screamed and the longest I have screamed ever in my life. It was rough. But while that was all happening I swear there was this image I had in my head and I just had this image of like my mom because she was in a wheelchair because of her amputation I could picture her getting up from the wheelchair with her two feet and her just looking at me and going stop it I'm fine just go you have to go you have to keep going like don't feel sorry for me I'm fine go and I remember just like I was crying and I I'm telling you and drove it was like a Okay Yeah and just drove for fear yeah and just drove in like for eight six or eight hours uh back home. Uh I went back to Jacksonville uh to be with some of my family friends and uh um I still kind of remember that of co it was in my mind but I was just like it's something's pushing you something's something's telling you you have to keep going you have to keep going go like you can't stay stuck it's happened it's terrible it it's traumatic but go you know and um I kind of made a I kind of made a like a declaration uh in myself um I I looked at my surroundings like my mother is not here anymore um this is definitely a world change you know in a way um you are a remote voice actor you know how f hard this is um a lot of people don't believe in you a lot of people will not believe in you um nothing on the voice actors that you see I'm this is not jealousy I'm just putting that out right now it is hard to become something like that where you are right now yeah but I was like Joshua Portillo what are you going to do? You need to heal first before you move your ass somewhere else you need to take responsibility for yourself not feel sorry for yourself and be like you need to mourn and mourning doesn't take just a year. Yeah this is a very traumatic event you need to put a attention to this you've surrounded yourself with right with the right people you you've built up enough clientele to to keep going with remote voice acting or full-time voiceover work you listened to your mother you kept going with it what can you make out of yourself right now and it's like again you can't compare because you're not going to be like those people that you see that are in the big animes all that no you have to make something for yourself right now while you're remote while you're in Florida while you're here you need to do this and you need to do it for her and I was like all right bet fine um with one anime to my name and you know a lot of indie stuff which I'm you know indie is I always said indie is the future um it is it's here it's here um the indie revolution um but you you star you know like and again this isn't against any other voice actors you know how hard it is at those conventions yeah when you know you only have like a little bit and it's it's a it's a mind game it really is it is and um thankfully Nokotan was hot at the time um and I'm here going you know there's some conventions around here and I need to start talking to people and not stay in the in one place in my booth because I'm just a depressed mess right now. With one anime credit and a few other things I'm gonna start going to conventions. I don't give a fuck you know basically two weeks after she passed I remember doing a small convention uh next to me uh not too far from me um good I still remember the guy Scotty we're still in contact with each other uh uh him and his family and um they let me guest and that was really fun after that we did um we did wasabi con in Jacksonville then we did um uh Abby Passion and I did uh Kisu Khan in Portland which was funny then we did uh then we did a lot in 2025 we went all over the place the Nopaton gang and I um and it was all for her uh because I knew deep down I was like for me at least I was like cons are not my thing right now man I don't have the credits for that yeah and like your mom literally passed away two months I mean two weeks before so like the fact that you're even like doing anything at all. Yeah I remember I remember uh an awesome this awesome voice actress that we were with at KisuCon um Molly Circe um she I you know we were all talking shop at KisuCon and you know I was telling her my situation without trauma dumping because I was like I hate that crap and she's like what are you doing here? What are you doing here? Like in a not in a mad way but like you're supposed to be at home yeah like with family or friends like come on now like but you know it's like deep down you know what you gotta do sometimes you have to if you feel led to do something like this in a positive manner you just got to do it if it's your way of mourning then it's hard to to talk against that. And you know all of 2025 was a grind star. One of the I saw it yeah one of the small goals one of the small goals I had well big goals I guess was um I was like I want to I want to book my first big lead whatever it is I don't care what it is and I know it's not gonna be like a video game or anything like that because I'm not I just know it I'm not in the area and I'm not I have not proven myself to the right people. I get it I get the business a little bit um and I don't want to be needy uh because I'll be honest I was needy 2023 2024 a little bit even 2022 when the her health issues were starting to go up and you know I wanted to make something out of myself for her and and for myself. So I was like I've done that before and I hate it. It's not a good look. So it's like I wonder what it's gonna be. I'll just say I think she would love talking Tom. That's what I would say.

SPEAKER_01 1:45:29

My gosh when I saw that I was like oh I think she would love talking Tom and um I know this story is going so long but I I have to tell you No I love it I'm I'm here for it like this is you this is your story. It's amazing.

SPEAKER_05 1:45:49

Thank you thank you it's uh it's wild but like this um for talking Tom okay so it all ties into this stuff. So when my mom passed I'll be honest I was not a happy camper of course yeah yeah yeah but um I always prided myself on being a good dude being naturally a good dude one that encourages I always I love heroes I love I love the heroic stories I love the hero's journey I love you know Marvel I love one of my favorite heroes is Solid Snake Snake and he's not perfect but you know in his actions but in some you know he's he's grizzled he's all this stuff but he gets the job done you know it's those type of guys Fox McLeod you know all these guys you know um and uh man I was just angry I'm just super angry uh I'm talking I'm saying I'm like talking bad things yeah yeah talking bad to my friends talking bad to my friends to like how I talk to clients even and yeah it was just yeah and I'm gonna be honest or I'm not I'm still I'm getting there um I'm better I'm better I'm getting I'm way better now but it's still a process um I'm not perfect or I'm not like uh it's still hard I still have my days uh I yeah I'm not healed fully but um it was hard and my my friend JB and I my bro JB and I we were uh we always talk on the porch and uh we we reminisce reminisce reminisce about our days in high school because that's where we met um college even and but he's like you know he's still there's stunner you that you know you know senior year and junior year he's still there he's still there you're just you're just it's just hard right now he's like and then at the end he's like your mother just passed what the f what the hell literally everybody's like what the hell what are you doing what are you doing stop but it's uh yeah but um it's just it's hard you have a work ethic like me I've I've noticed that like like I was like um you get after and I feel like maybe I don't know um maybe it was a way to like uh no I guess like escape or like cope because the the more busy you are the less you think about it. Absolutely okay yeah yeah so I understand that it's the same thing and uh when I got the audition for Tom it was uh it was kind of hard because of um of who he is you know he he's kind of happy he's happy yeah uh you know literally the opposite of what you're going through opposite yeah and it's it kind of reflects of how I kind of was in high school a little bit in a more uh you know increased way because it's a cartoon right yeah and um I remember the director because we had done this read for Tom like three times and it was good it was good you know I'm definitely a contender for the role but it's just not there. I keep talking at the character you know I'm I'm like it's like almost like I'm competing with the character that I'm talking with in the scene and it's and it's aggressive in a way in a way it's it's it's at your face. You know um and that kind of like coincides with how I feel inside. Anger eh and the director um Alex he was he's amazing and he uh took his time with Me and he's like, you know, Tom is a very loving person. He doesn't compete. He he cares about, you know, he listens and he he levels out with the group. And he uh he loves his friends and he wants to support them and all that. I cried while he was explaining all of that. Because it was everything that I wanted to get back from myself that I thought I lost. And um he didn't see that because the camera wasn't on.

SPEAKER_02 1:50:33

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:50:34

Um but when he said all that, I was like, I'll just I'll just act like how I was in high school. And I did that, and about a week later or two weeks later, I found out that I booked the role.

SPEAKER_00 1:50:52

Wow.

SPEAKER_05 1:50:53

And um I was like, wow, so he is still there, you know? I I'm still here, you know. Um I haven't lost myself. So um that role, like I know it's not as popular with the crowd right now, or just Talking Tom is a legacy role that's been, you know, throughout the years big. Uh Colin Hanks has voiced him. Um other great actors have voiced him. Um and uh, you know, uh they're just now starting to revamp him and and the whole series in general. They want a new look and everything. Um and you know, it's not it's it's popular in its own right, and I understand that it's not like anime or anything like that, but it's good for kids and in you know, other crowds. Uh and um you know, I'm just very thankful that I was able to get it and very thankful to Outlet 7 for believing in me and all that stuff. So you know, um and I did it for her.

SPEAKER_04 1:51:54

I did it for her.

SPEAKER_00 1:51:55

So, you know that's the best part. And she's so proud of you. I know it.

SPEAKER_05 1:52:01

Yeah, just uh it's a journey, it's been a journey star. Um and there's other stuff, but it's under NDA.

SPEAKER_03 1:52:12

Oh excited to see T T B A T B and And it's it's still that struggle.

SPEAKER_05 1:52:20

I mean, going into voiceover now that we can talk about, it's it's the struggle of being remote. Uh it's currently where I'm at now. Like now we're in the present. It's after all that that history, after all that stuff, now your current struggle is what can you do right now to make yourself a premier voice actor from where you are.

SPEAKER_00 1:52:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:52:42

You you like with the amount of resources that you have, you know, all that stuff. You know deep down that you're going to move at some point. You just don't know where or when at when yet. Um that doesn't guarantee success either. You know, you just have to keep getting better and you know over time. Over time, and you know, being uh training to be undeniable.

SPEAKER_01 1:53:07

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 1:53:08

You know, um that's my story. That's me.

SPEAKER_01 1:53:14

Uh freaking amazing. Like literally speechless. Um well I I don't uh yeah. Uh any question that I had, you answered it during the story. So I was like, I didn't help doing anything. Um with uh with talking Tom and um and uh I know I think your your uh your agent is uh D D D D O, right? Yeah Um how what was it like um getting to that point with especially being remote like um getting the opportunities like what did they reach out to you or you reached out to them? Was it cold calling? How did you like because I know remote is like a little bit of everything, but I wanted to see like your personal journey with that.

SPEAKER_05 1:54:06

Absolutely. So Talking Tom actually came from an opportunity from a uh one of the Miami studios that I work with. It was not through DDO. DDO has been very good to me. Um they've been very respectful um and uh you know trying to get auditions to me um when they can. But uh yeah, Talking Tom was actually through Centauro. Um and they did the English dub to the current Talking Tom animations and the game that came out uh on mobile not too long ago last year. Um yeah, so it happened through them. Uh Outlet 7 went to them. And cold calling in general is just a weapon that all voice actors need to do. Especially when you're when you're remote and you know.

SPEAKER_01 1:54:58

But I don't see many like do as well, because we are afraid. But we gotta like get over the dump, you know.

SPEAKER_05 1:55:07

It's a double-edged sword. It's a double-edged sword because because uh I've I've I've uh you know I've come across crum come across in the past uh when you you when you do that, you know, I'm guessing probably pushy or you know desperate. But then I have other people, I have a good amount of other people say like I love your your your initiative, you know. I want to do it.

SPEAKER_02 1:55:32

Yeah, yeah. It's like which yes.

SPEAKER_05 1:55:38

So is it bad or good? It's a double-edged sword, and you have to risk it. You have to be respectful. You can't kiss the person's butt. Yeah, you know, like, I love your work, oh my gosh, I love all this, I love all that, I love it. Just say that you like their work and just say, like, if you need any help, I'd love to audition for you. Or if you don't want auditions, because some people don't want to do the auditioning process. You're like, they're like, Yeah, we just want to bring you on. We've heard your work and we want to bring you on. We just we're glad that you reached out because there are so many voice actors out here, we don't know where to start. And we've heard some and we heard you, and we're actually very fond of your work. So come on. I've been doing that since 2019. And um, it's it's worked, but there's been a lot of no's, there's been a lot of no answers, and yeah, you just have to do it, you have to get over that. I remember I had the I had the the the courage to reach out to Nintendo of America to see if they needed voiceovers for like for anything, and I was able to do like a promo for them. They answered and I was like, whoa, but that's never happened after that. So yeah, it's like you just never know what you can get, and sometimes you have to take a chance. But I understand the risk of you know, if it doesn't work out, you can come across as something, you know, pushy or you can come across as desperate, or you might not get an answer at all. But in my opinion, and I can only speak for people who are remote like I am, you need to risk it.

SPEAKER_00 1:57:19

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 1:57:20

Because you're you are up a uh I hate to use competition, but there's a lot of numbers.

SPEAKER_04 1:57:27

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_05 1:57:27

Right? I I think you'll like this. I look at the voiceover world that we're in, star, as like one piece.

unknown 1:57:35

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:57:36

The East Blue, the North Blue, the South Blue, or the West Blue. There's New York, there's Miami or Florida, there's Texas, which is the South Blue, I guess, kind of. And the West Blue, the West Blue, the West Coast, right there. And when you're in the East Blue, it's hard.

SPEAKER_02 1:57:57

It's hard.

SPEAKER_05 1:57:58

It's hard. It's hard. It's it's hard. It's um, and nothing against the Miami studios. Again, they I book Talking Tom with them. You book bangers with them, yeah. But it comes few and far between, and they have their own hub of actors, just like how New York does, just like how Dallas and Houston does.

SPEAKER_00 1:58:14

It makes it harder.

SPEAKER_05 1:58:15

Just like how the West Coast does. And when you're remote, you have to make something out of nothing.

SPEAKER_01 1:58:21

You gotta prove yourself.

SPEAKER_05 1:58:22

Like you gotta prove yourself because like, come on now, like you gotta be tough. How much how bad do you want it?

SPEAKER_01 1:58:28

You gotta put yourself on a like a silver platter, like I got I did this, I like you have to like even the way you head like your email, like there's a craft to that, like and in your subject.

SPEAKER_04 1:58:40

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 1:58:41

Something that's eye-catching, but not too much, but not too little. Like your body of the email. Like, I've like over the years, I've like I've gotten like an email prepared for when it's time to send it to like the really big agencies. And like anytime I'll like, I'll think about it, I'll tweak it, make it look like a certain way. So every little thing it matters to where they it just it may or may not uh respond back to you.

SPEAKER_05 1:59:07

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yep. See, you get it. So you need all those tools. You need your website up, you need your resume.

SPEAKER_02 1:59:14

You need resume.

SPEAKER_05 1:59:16

You need demos ready. You need samples ready because demos sometimes aren't enough.

SPEAKER_01 1:59:20

Um even like, even like with everything like that, they want I've noticed, like, they want you to uh voice voice acting and like you're good at your acting, but also what else do you bring? Like, what else do you do? I've I've noticed that with a lot of successful or or like I guess you could say like successful, like that are voice actors that are are happy like with their career right now, they're doing something along with voice acting and and not just voice acting, because you can go crazy just like just voice acting, voice acting, voice acting, and and like in it actually helps you in a way too, because whatever you do on the side with voice acting, it it it it it like fuels like any your voice acting in itself. So yes, like streaming or something like that, because you will go crazy if you just do voice acting all the time.

SPEAKER_05 2:00:17

Yeah, trust me, trust me. I from my experience, um, being a full-timer, uh finding hobbies is so important. Yes, like it's it's so important because you can't just make this your life. It's um there's no balance, and you know, I go deeper with it too, especially right now. I don't think my mom would want me want wanting it like that. I mean, making myself miserable. Yeah, my friends even like they will.

SPEAKER_02 2:00:46

It takes the fun out of it.

SPEAKER_05 2:00:48

Yeah, it takes the fun out of it, you know. Like you have to make it special. That's why everybody that's why the big, big ones that have, you know, that grew over the years, that's their main priority, is because they love it. And if you end up hating it, then why are you doing it in the first place?

SPEAKER_03 2:01:02

In the first place.

SPEAKER_05 2:01:04

It's it's yeah, it's crazy. But yeah, my experience has been uh with remote voice acting and voice acting in general has been I would say unique. Because you know, I've kind of stayed put besides moving to Orlando and having all those the motivations that I talk talk to you about. You know, it's uh when you don't have a lot of the you know, flashy credits uh here and there, you know, yeah. I know like you know, you know some people may write it off as like he's not ro working hard enough or he's not working, you know, he's not in like these big titles, so why should we care about him? Um they can think all they want. They can think that. I don't I don't care anymore. I used to, but yeah, I don't care. It's like it's all about you know, I I think one of the biggest things that I learned while being remote, and I'll take it to wherever I moved to, is this is a craft. Yeah, this is an art. I remember one of my biggest inspirations is Christopher Lee, Sir Christopher Lee. And he was in the the the theta for you know uh for ten years. And he would be, you know, he would uh of course act, he would watch, he would sweep up the floor, he would do all these things. And it was all about learning. Um and you know, even when he was in Hammer as Dracula uh or did other films like um when he was a bond villain or just all these other things, he was learning the whole time. And it was a lifetime of of acting. Um I mean he was in Lord of the Rings, he was Count Dooku, he was he was in Charlie and the Chocker Factory, uh, you know. And uh you know, I I really look up to that guy, to to him, because it's like he understands you know people just want it now. People just want the success now. They don't want to go down this road that's presented to them and I don't want to say suffer.

SPEAKER_00 2:03:18

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 2:03:19

Grind. Like learn like take the time to fail and to do auditions that you suck at, a lot of them, and learn from those, you know, laugh at yourself a little bit, learn not to take yourself too seriously. Uh take in the art that's around you.

SPEAKER_00 2:03:38

That's so true.

SPEAKER_05 2:03:40

And uh because what's after you achieve everything, right?

SPEAKER_00 2:03:44

Oh my gosh. What's after that?

SPEAKER_05 2:03:46

What's after let's say, let's say, you know, star, like you you move when you moved to Los Angeles about two years in, you are now in uh one of the biggest animes, if not the biggest anime, like solo leveling. And you are the one of the main if not the main, or at least one of the the main, you know, like um heroines, right? Yeah. Next to Alex Lee, next to Christina. Oh my god, you know, next to all these these people, next to Kat, next to you know, next to all of them, right? What's after that? What's after that?

SPEAKER_01 2:04:23

Oh my gosh, so crazy that you say that because when the everything happened for the auditions and everything, um, I I thought that. I will I I was like, I I worked so hard to be get that, and then when I got it, I was scared. I I was thinking about it a lot. I was like scared of like, because now I'm I'm going again this year, but I'm not auditioning, you know, and I got what I needed from from you know, I got the experience. Yeah, you had a good time, yeah. Yeah, but I got I'm like, I kind of I miss like doing it and like grinding and like being around my friends and doing it together. And like I was like, what now? And then I had to tell myself, well, now you go to the next thing that you've been wanting to do. Now you still go, you invest in the crap and you have fun. Like, um, I was a I was like, I had to like keep that in my mind because I was so focused on like like getting that, then I I forgot, not really forgot, but I was like, you know, what what next? So it's like it's crazy that you said that. Like it's good to like have like little specs of um of gold and stuff that you have in mind, but always have like the foundation of why you want to do it in the why are you doing it in the first place.

SPEAKER_05 2:05:43

Absolutely, because like because I mean for me, you know, even having that goal of you know sending my mom off with no katan with an with one anime or just uh other selfish goals that I had in the past, um none of it, like while that one goal is done with Nokaton, it's all the other things don't matter anymore now. Like now it's like you're learning how to be how to take yourself more seriously. Because I'm gonna be honest, I I don't I don't know how to say this, but like even eight years in, I don't, you know, feel like I'm not taking myself as serious as I should be.

SPEAKER_01 2:06:28

Um I understand what you mean. It's almost like self-sabotage, right?

SPEAKER_05 2:06:32

Like a little bit, like because you know just because you're in the space that you're in now, and again, it's good that I'm here. I'm learning this right now, because you gotta take this everywhere you go, is you need to take your this is your craft. If you're going to be in this for the rest of your life, I mean, look at this, look at this this mother over here, Dick Van Dyke. He's a hundred years old saying on on uh to people, hey, if you need a if you need a uh if there's a role that's uh unfiltered, like unfilled and there's an old man there that you need, I'm here. I'm here for you. You know, he's a hundred years old and still wants to work.

SPEAKER_01 2:07:09

Still loving the crap, yes.

SPEAKER_05 2:07:11

Like, that's where I want to be. That's my goal, right there. Yes. Uh the man, yeah, Dick Van Dyke. You know, so um it's like uh you you have to take yourself seriously, or no one is. And uh I've been up and down with that. There are times, Star, where I have not taken myself so seriously that even in classes, uh it has been bad.

SPEAKER_00 2:07:36

Uh yeah.

SPEAKER_05 2:07:39

Uh it's just because I just didn't think that this would be in my future. I would get something out of it selfishly and just leave. And and just like, you know, I had my time in it, all that's all that stuff. But you know, the more you keep going with it, it's like I'm the opposite.

SPEAKER_01 2:07:59

I feel like I'm I I work and work and work and then I I see the progress and I feel the progress. And then when I get there, I'm like, wait, hold on. Like, I'm scared, but I d that's what I want. But then I'm like, I push myself back. Like, especially like I talked about like an earlier man um on a podcast um before that I was like, I've been on a weight loss journey for almost like a decade. I've seen this.

SPEAKER_05 2:08:29

I've seen you've been kicking in this.

SPEAKER_01 2:08:31

Oh thank you.

SPEAKER_05 2:08:32

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 2:08:33

Like when I'm 2AM girl.

SPEAKER_05 2:08:41

You gotta be sounding like Martin right now.

SPEAKER_01 2:08:46

Like I got to work out. It's so good. And and sometimes when I would see the progress and I would like, I'm like, okay, like I'm feeling it, I would self-sabotage and I would start eating bad and not working out. And I would mentally like stop myself from doing it because I was afraid of achieving it. Maybe because of the I don't know, and maybe because of the journey to get there. I just don't know. But like, yeah, it's like you, but like the opposite side.

SPEAKER_05 2:09:18

I I get that. It's it's scary. It's scary whenever you know you see the end is is near, the end of the journey is near because it's uh you gotta appreciate the journey for what it's given you.

SPEAKER_00 2:09:31

Right.

SPEAKER_05 2:09:32

Um you don't want it to end because then you have to, it's like starting over. Um I look at it as um, you know, my friends and I we're nerds and we talk about that stuff. It's like that's the end of that arc. Now you got another arc right in front of you. And I mean, being fans of One Piece, it's like you were in you were in Marineford right here. Now you're in Dress Rosa. Actually, no, like forget that. No, you're in Wano right now. Like, that's where your life is currently.

SPEAKER_01 2:10:00

I'm like, and that's that's why it's good to have that mindset, like, okay, I achieved it. Like, so like it's good to like celebrate it because sometimes I would just be like, okay, time's over the next thing. Gonna get it. But it's good to like sit in it and celebrate it and like bask in it, and then like um have a new goal and something else to look forward to and go after. And I've been really I've been getting better at that.

SPEAKER_05 2:10:24

So I think I think what'll help too for me at least, uh, that can help you, because again, these are just issues that that you know, I feel like all people that grind and that you know that work for something, they all have is just having that foundation. Having that foundation of why you're doing what you're doing. Like for me, working out, like even though I've lost all that weight, and that was man, that was over ten years ago now. You know, it's like I can't live without it because it's also like meditation. It's also it's also like you know, I need that to stay leveled, to stay.

SPEAKER_00 2:11:02

It's a necessity.

SPEAKER_05 2:11:03

You know, you don't have to do a lot in the gym, you just do seem even things the bare minimum. You can walk on the treadmill for an hour or so and get something out of it. It's just to keep yourself motivated and to keep yourself sane.

SPEAKER_01 2:11:17

I was just about to say sane too. Like it really does. Whenever I'm like feeling sad, depressed, okay, let me go for a run or something. It does help. It really does. You don't think like something simple as that does, but it it helps.

SPEAKER_05 2:11:31

It does. And I mean it it's the same thing with with voiceover. It's like, okay, star, you uh, you know, you achieved um what you wanted to with those bang zoom auditions. It was a long grind. Now, you know, you're in a different arc. You are grinding to move, and that is the the the bang zoom finale winner type of goal now that you need. And when you do that, now it's time to the next goal after that is

SPEAKER_01 2:12:00

to to you know to to impress the right people right but yeah after all that uh but besides all that at the core of it is you are a storyteller you need to tell stories to to live you know um as actors that's what we do that's what we just like you when you were seeing like when you go to movies and stuff and like you you go to like a different realm and then like you come out like a different person like m almost me for me like every time I go like to a really good movie like you're like it feels like you're there and like you said like that's what I want I want to be able to like like morph anyone who's watching like be in that in there and like just get away from life you know so yeah that's like that's yeah whatever you find your niche it's like you find your niche it's like you know um it's like I like movies and you're gonna be a movie star or it's like you know you find out while you're out there in Los Angeles you're like I like movies but dang like I have a niche for the ongoing grind of TV like the TV like like like being on you know on Reba or Martin or you know all these legendary shows that have you know that have made stars it's like I like that grind.

SPEAKER_05 2:13:18

I I know I can be a you know a uh a Reba McIntyre or uh or what uh one of the the one of the two broke girls you know I can be one of those girls I can I could be a Tisha Campbell like all that crap you know it's like they all have something that I that I can that I see in myself and then you all it's but it's like but also I can do movies. You never know.

SPEAKER_01 2:13:40

It's like all around the the industry is weird right now because right yeah you see a lot of you see a lot of T V stars now doing or sorry movie stars now doing TV Oh yeah that is true yeah yeah so it's like especially on the Netflix original series or the Amazon stuff so it's like yeah but but whatever you do I just hope that you're happy that's it that is that is the like that's feel like that's what life should be all about just like having fun and you know it's not worth it if you're not having fun.

SPEAKER_05 2:14:17

No and again why were like at after you achieve everything why what's after that if you were just trying to get attention man that's uh that's wild.

SPEAKER_01 2:14:30

Yeah yeah that's wild like let's we have to reevaluate you know everything absolutely you're a storyteller by heart so that's what you take with you you know and it is just it's just fun it's like passion and and love for it and it's all like un indescribable and I just like love being able to share that also with friends and um and peers and like um connecting with fans too and like knowing like um that they liked what you did and you know and even if they didn't like seeing like things that you can improve on like con like construction uh criticism um you know like all of it it's just a really a a beautiful experience and I wouldn't trade it for the world. Absolutely and I know like with that mindset star I know you're gonna you're gonna do amazing things with that and I'm not I'm not everybody's gonna you're gonna have a lot of people say that I'm I'm not gonna blow smoke up your butt you know that I'm not gonna no no don't give me it because I've been having a lot of um imposter syndrome lately like all the time I'm just like am I doing the right thing like um should this can should I keep going and then I'm like yeah let's just try it and see and then if it doesn't work out we'll try something else because every time I think about it I'm like there's nothing else I want to do.

SPEAKER_05 2:15:56

So just just be smart just be smart be be logical be you know be logical be uh think it through and uh you know um don't do anything too rash you know yeah because it's a it's a dangerous world out there right now it's and it's also an expensive world right now expensive it's an expensive world I wouldn't want you to get in a spot where you know it's very expensive and you know all that stuff I get the I get the idea of just like you know going past the fear but it's like be smart logical yeah about it you know like you have making sure you like have a backbone and everything you know because it's always good to have like cushion for uh worst case scenarios and things like that so I will always say like don't give up on your dream yeah like like even while being logical don't ever give up on your dream like yeah because you can do both I I like I I this is a little extreme I would say there's no plan B. Yeah yeah yeah there is an only plan A for you and it's like you want to go to Los Angeles okay do it reasonably do it logically be be careful be smart but if you do all those things with that passion I think you'll be fine thank you thank you it's so crazy because everybody's been telling me that I'm like you guys believe in me more I'm like they're like well you we'll know you'll you'll be fine you'll get there somehow and I'm like I've been trying to get there for like the past four years almost but like I almost had an ending point or yeah almost there.

SPEAKER_01 2:17:39

No um I think because of that I'm getting more nerve I think that's why it's happening again I'm getting more nervous and I'm like pulling back especially when I tell um guests at my job that I'm um trying to move they'll be they'll give me the look and then they'll be like oh like are you sure by yourself and AI is in somebody told me that it was like AI is like gonna take your job and I was like um I mean um I I know AI is like here but I feel like it will never have what we have it's like human human nuances you know so I I was like like uh no I don't I'm still gonna try you know with entertainment so it's a a lot yeah with entertainment uh to me it needs to be entertainment when it's at its perfect uh when it's at its perfection is when people are imperfect that's imperfection to do entertainment if there is uh if there is just a machine trying to you know trying to make something that we make out of our imperfections while the machine is trying to be perfect perfect it's not gonna work I mean we've seen it doesn't it's not gonna feel real you're like oh yeah it's not it's not genuine it's I don't I don't see see what I just did I don't I I keep repeating my words it's just a human thing yeah right I it's not genuine and I I don't want to s I don't want to watch a machine do something over like the course of time and they don't make any mistakes what's the entertainment in that what's the where's the conflict in that where's the realism in that where's the where's the emotion in that you know it's like an AI can't I can't recreate the story that I just told you and experience the emotions that I that I went through for me to tell it all like that.

SPEAKER_05 2:19:35

You can't copy that you can't you can't go against me on that. If AI if AI was was well I will say the bad part of AI like because I've I feel like like there's a good part in there of AI. I've always felt this there's a good part in there within AI that's just like with medical practices and stuff like that. Yeah I was like uh I was I always envision it as like a like a like a a Cortana like uh thing and and the Cortana like figure is just like I don't want to ruin art. Like I don't want to do all these things. It's the people making me do this and I don't like them making me making me using my systems to take away jobs and all that like that's what I picture if AI was a person the good part of AI I think it would say that. I would it would say what the f are you using all these systems for to for me to take away all these jobs why are we not using it I don't know to fix different issues in the world why are we taking away the arts with my with what you treated me for.

SPEAKER_01 2:20:36

Leave those alone everything else is fine yeah like like yeah exactly it's just like yeah I can I understand what you mean completely because it is like I I really do like like I've been seeing it like help change lives literally it's been detecting cancer like hella early like really early on and like and that is amazing and like um I remember I went to go to the dentist and it saw like um cavities that I had like way before they even like formed and I was like that is yeah insane so I feel like it's it's it's amazing but in the terms of uh creativity creative creative world or anything where we have to be like like humans and be creative with and um jobs and things like that I'm like yeah let us do that we got this like yeah it's it's the people that are using AI to to steal jobs and to use it to make the process better better and to fasten it it's like if AI was a person right now I don't think it would want to be be invading our space. I think it would be wanting to I don't know try to solve world hunger try to try to that part try to solve a way for us to all get free healthcare I don't know yes I don't know um maybe decrease decrease the rates on rent um oh yes please you know I don't know third world third world uh issues but nah let's use ai to take away the jobs in in in the arts I I don't I don't know I don't know we're focusing on the wrong thing here I have thoughts but you know oh I also wanted to get into because you're Filipino right I am I am uh Filipino Vietnamese and Chinese oh nice I I like that that mix um um I've noticed that there's a lot of Filipino voice actors in the industry and almost every single one that I cross cross cross by or pass by um always have like this mindset of like grinding and they're like excelling and like going above and beyond and I am like I am here for it and I wanna I want to like dig deep into see like um how like uh a lot of voice actors like got in or Filipino voice actors got into voice acting and and they that's just amazing and it just so I just like I'm I'm just really curious about it and wanted to see if you had like any thoughts on um so many in are you that are in the industry right now and um you know if that makes any sense.

SPEAKER_05 2:23:28

No no you're good. I mean I think it's all from different perspectives and different uh lifestyles but I think you know the Asian culture in general has been known to you know push more of excellence on their children on the you know and you know I think that could be a factor but I think that would be that would also be um not fair to every individual Filipino that's in this industry because I feel like they've all had different perspectives and different experiences that kind of drive why they do what they do what they do. For me, I mean you've listened to it all I mean it's kind of the reason why I'm doing things now why what's driven me to be this driven. It's just my life experiences. You know it's very interesting when you listen to other Filipinos in particular and hear why they do what they do. Maybe it's because it's fun and it's just ingrained in them. Maybe it's because they're doing it for someone they care about. Maybe it's they're doing it because it's something fun and you know I don't know anything else to do right now until I find something else maybe you know I'll just stick to this. But I'm very happy to see that you know I would like to see it blow up more. I would like to see you know just like how you know with um with uh uh Art and show and everybody uh with EJ and everybody on K-pop demon hunters the Korean crowd exploding exploded you know I'd like to see that in the next few years with Filipinos because it has not happened yet to be honest in my opinion. I have not seen Filipino culture um explode like um like that has um I feel like with the Forbidden Island coming out that could be a thing um that could be a thing uh but we need more in my opinion we need to keep it going uh need to see and not just anime like not just Filipinos getting into anime no I'm talking cartoons movies live action all that stuff I need you know coming from a just a voice actor in Florida I you know looking from the outside in I'm just like for Filipinos to get the recomm like to get the recognition that they're it needs to be constant and it needs to be not just from one person but from all you know uh we all need to as a cohesive unit keep grinding and achieving what we achieve marketing them and showing yeah we're we're also here you know that sort of thing. Yes here for it yes that's awesome thank you so much thank you for like um um answering that because uh it was hard to put it into words but I was trying to say so thank you I oh that is so awesome oh um and then um I also wanted to talk about uh your hobbies do you have any hobbies uh uh other than the voice acting and I know you play I think you play video games right yeah I mean yeah for me for me it's like uh so besides training and working out because that's just a uh a pr basically a prayer thing you know um I like hanging out with friends it's it's the common stuff that everybody likes to do I like to hang out with friends obviously um you know I like to go out on the porch have some tea uh you know we me and my my my bros we just we can talk out there for hours you know we're a bunch of old young men old young men you know um talking about talking about drama drama talking about drama reminisce reminisce about mom you know just talking literally sips team yeah I got something to tell you you know remember that one chick that like you know that that rejected you like three times in high school yeah tough dude that's that's a little more JV said than that why are you mentioning again it's like I'd be like ah sucks dude and he's like oh tough dude you know and it's like that that type of stuff you know I love that you have a real a a really strong relationship that's a like hard to find all I love that it is it's uh the with the friends part I can talk a lot about that you know it brought for me it brought color into my life especially at that point you know back then um and uh yeah I mean they've it's it's funny it's it's funny because I still remember and I hate to bring it up that it was in high school so it's like that that jock that's remembering stuff from high school um no no it's it's like I felt I did in in in high school I didn't feel like I kind of fit in at all like especially during that time for obvious reasons but for me even if that stuff wasn't happening even if my my parents were were healthy and they were just out on the porch maybe smoking cigars I don't know um like they were chilling I don't know but but like even then I feel like I wouldn't have really fit in I mean I would have just worked out did my work probably talked to a few people I don't know and then just go home you know but it's uh it's you know we I remember like all of us we were in corral together and we kind of met there and it just kind of like flowed from there. You know we all hung out at this one place that I was staying at um because like I said I was moving from from home to home like friend to friend place. And uh I remember we all hung out there all the time and you would think that we were little kids but these were seniors and juniors and sophomores in high school all together. And it was very special. It was very special. Yeah Lee uh Thomas uh you know I'm gonna I know I'm not gonna I'm not gonna say everybody but like yeah yeah um yeah it was very very special and it is still now we're we're grown men now but it's like you know and I'll be I'll be honest sometimes we don't talk to each other for a while because we're we're working you know and trying to I know some of I know some of us are you know wanting families so it's like when you're grinding in voiceover doing your life and one of your bros is wanting to start a family soon and then the other's in school the other's doing real estate the other is do about to dive into streaming and all that stuff it's like that's a lot yeah a lot of lives you know but yeah one of them's wanting to move and about to get married it's like it's like you know you you've had history with all these people and you know at some point you're gonna have to take the dive and do something for you and make the move out to to continue your career. And selfishly I think for me I think that's why I'm also still here now while mourning and while healing from still 2024. Um just spending that last amount of time with them you know until we really dive into adulthood. You know we're adults now but like when you're yeah yeah I don't know when I grind is is is is it's locked in. You know and I'm not saying I'm not grinding now but I am kind of spoiled where after I record it's like the times never stopped when I get on that porch. You know? So my gosh I love that's uh I'm so glad you guys have each other yeah it's uh we they I I remember man just uh they they they've been there for a lot of it so um they've seen a lot so that's it's cool it's cool yeah but this that's that's one of my hobbies yeah yeah that's a beautiful hobby and do you have any advice or tips or tricks for an inspiring voice actor day you could give of course um number one the main rule is to have fun uh being a full timer it a lot of times cannot feel fun because you are just doing works for clients doing you know doing clientele work and sometimes it's not the fun work yeah you know sometimes you feel like you're not getting the right amount of opportunities I feel like every artist needs to feel like that selfishly because that's that's what drives you it's it's it's weird um it feels like I'm saying be an egotistical jerk no I'm not saying that no um but I'm saying you know uh just stay focused uh and you know stay grinding but have fun um I would say on a financial side if you want to take this full time make sure that you have a big savings account that part yes have a big savings account don't expect to become a millionaire um I have seen people make six figures off of this but um it's hard and it's like you really shouldn't be doing it for the money but when you're full time don't expect to be a millionaire you know you can may you can make a good buck but maybe even get enough to you know live by yourself or afford your own rent and utilities and bills you know be realistic being realistic doesn't mean to give up on your dream though like don't take it wrong yeah don't don't twist it but uh yeah I would say um I'd say that audition audition audition I remember Bryce Papping telling me that um Yeah, Bryce Pappenbrook. I asked him for advice at a con one time, and he said, you know, all these characters that you see on the banner right here, that is a smidge of how much I have auditioned. You audition, audition, audition, audition, audition. That is so true. Do not, you know. Yeah, don't give up. It's usually when you give up, you were just that one thing, that one opportunity was around the corner that could change your life. Don't give up. You know, if I personally, if I gave up, I wouldn't have seen Nokatan, I wouldn't have seen Gintama, I wouldn't have seen Talking Tom. I wouldn't have seen the stuff that I haven't announced yet, which I can't wait to. It's it's you just have to be patient with yourself and not compare. Comparison is literally your it's it's I think it's bro, it's it's said so much on YouTube and Instagram through posts and reels, but it is the stealer of joy. You can't compare yourself to a lot of people, and I think as a remote voice actor, I really personally I can't compare at all because I mean there are some opportunities that you know that I haven't gotten that a lot of other people have in different cities. I can't compare. I can only compare to how I was last year. And so I feel for anybody wanting to be a voice actor, you really do have to just compare to that. Like, how much progress have you made? How much um are you still having fun? Um you can go financial. I mean, I'm not gonna shy away from that. What are your finances if that's if that's what's important for you? Like I made this amount, I made this amount now. You know, you know, just uh yeah, um, there's that, and man, there's so many things you could tell somebody that wants to be a voice actor. I would say just do it.

SPEAKER_02 2:35:57

Just do it. I was literally thinking out of my head.

SPEAKER_05 2:36:00

Just be just don't be shy. Go into the booth, be silly a little bit, you know. I am in a closet right now for business. I'm in a closet right now for my full-time job. Uh it's not I'm not a six-figure guy, not yet. That's one of my goals.

SPEAKER_01 2:36:17

Yes. I was gonna ask that what were your goals as well.

SPEAKER_05 2:36:22

Goals for me, uh well goals for me, it's kind of weird right now because I know, like, again, I'm not, you know, I'm not in cities, so it's kinda hard. Yeah. But man. Just be the best that I can be. You know? Be, you know, uh I I for I it's I don't know how to say it, but like a lot of people, you know, I feel like they want to be like one of the best in the world. And even then, I'm not gonna talk down on somebody that says that. I'm not gonna talk down on somebody's goals. Because I don't know the story behind it. I don't know the people's, you know, motivation behind it. It could be righteous, you know. But um I think just being the best that I can be, it would be cool to, you know, you know, it would be cool to grind up. Grind up wherever I need to move in the next few years, grind, and just you know, you know, act with some of the greats. You know?

SPEAKER_00 2:37:24

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 2:37:25

Act with some of the greats.

SPEAKER_00 2:37:26

Uh you know, it's gonna happen.

SPEAKER_05 2:37:28

Be be in a project with Alex Lee, be in a project with um with one of the first voice actor I ever met, Johnny Young Bosch. That'd be really cool.

SPEAKER_02 2:37:37

Yes!

SPEAKER_04 2:37:37

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_05 2:37:39

Um, you know, uh uh voice act with um Dorothy and Tom Fawn, you know, uh Melissa Fawn, all these people, you know, it's it'd be really cool. Um, but until then, you know, I think my path that I've been let on, just like how you and everybody else with you with Bang Zoom auditions, I think for me, my path that I've been let on is um it's like you need to prove yourself on this island that you're in right now. Uh there's not a lot around you. But if you can make something out of yourself with the bare minimum, I think you can, you know, you'll learn how to grind in those other cities, and you can take that with you. I think that's the biggest goal. You know.

SPEAKER_01 2:38:32

Oh, that's a really good one.

SPEAKER_05 2:38:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:38:35

Ooh, that that that touched my soul. Oh my gosh. Oh, yes, Josh was amazing. I I literally have no words.

SPEAKER_05 2:38:49

Um I'm glad you had a fun time.

SPEAKER_01 2:38:52

Yes, it's uh amazing time. And I just wanted to say also, um, you are one of like the most inspiring um voice actors or person I've ever met. Um and I I look up to you a lot. So hearing your story and and talking with you has been such a pleasure and seeing you grind and like literally post announcements all the time, and and and when you're not, you're you're uplifting others and then going um through what everything that you went through as well. Like I like you uh amazing. And um I really hope like uh you can I hope you see that too and um and uh give yourself that credit and that grace because um I know you are gonna be like, I mean you already are, but even more to where you hit all of your goals that you want in your career. And I'm so excited to see what else you you do, and and I'm so happy for everything that you have hit. And um uh I just wanted to say like like uh you really, really inspire me.

SPEAKER_05 2:40:02

So I'm glad I can I can help in any way, Storm.

SPEAKER_01 2:40:07

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_05 2:40:08

I'm still I'm just at the end of the day, I'm just dude in in Florida.

SPEAKER_01 2:40:13

Um it's almost even more cooler because I never knew that until like recently, and I was like, oh my gosh, it's so cool.

SPEAKER_05 2:40:26

Yep start in Jacksonville, but it's uh it's um yeah, I I don't I think the other thing to say to end it off is like I think the biggest uh thing to learn while I was while I've been here is like I'm I'm just a dude. You know, it's like I'm just I think I you know I can't take myself while I while I while we talked about being taking yourself seriously, it's a balance. It's a fine balance. And it's just like I think this time has taught me to you know respect others and to show them that they got something in themselves that's really big. Uh they can make something out of themselves if they take the time to, if they listen. Um and uh you know, you know, whatever life is throwing at them, they can get through it and more. I mean they can get through it and more. Take it from me. It's hard, it's it's it's rough, but you can do it. You just have to listen to that good voice in your head to say keep moving.

SPEAKER_04 2:41:34

Keep going.

SPEAKER_05 2:41:35

Um it's it's so general, but it's it's very true. Um I know that's that's gonna be with you. And uh, you know, going on this path that you're on, just going to Los Angeles and becoming a star, no pun intended. Um, you know, it's uh you got the name for it even. It's it's gonna be I'm gonna see on an anime, on an anime one day, Kira Bucklin and Star Jackson. Right there.

unknown 2:42:06

Right there.

SPEAKER_03 2:42:07

Oh my gosh, it'll be insane.

SPEAKER_05 2:42:10

Right there, you know. Well, uh, we end up there with Shira Kirby, with all of them, you know, it's just like all of them with Zeno, with Xeno, with you know, with all, you know. With AJ, with with with everybody.

SPEAKER_01 2:42:27

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_05 2:42:29

Um and we'll we're we're Ben Discin, I don't know, you know.

SPEAKER_01 2:42:36

I feel like it's only a matter of time. And as long as like you keep going and trying and having like that mindset, mm there's no way you won't get there. You just gotta put in the work and open the doors for opportunities to come.

SPEAKER_05 2:42:52

Yes. Yes, absolutely. You have to you have to do all of that. Um and uh not stay in analysis paralysis the whole time.

SPEAKER_02 2:43:04

Yeah, yeah. The imposter syndrome, man.

SPEAKER_05 2:43:07

The imposter syndrome and all that. You have to just go, you know.

SPEAKER_01 2:43:11

Mm-hmm. And that that time that you have it in the imposter syndrome, you could be using that to put into the craft. So that's all also how I I look at it too. Even though like sometimes it can it can like fester, but it's good to like redirect it.

SPEAKER_05 2:43:29

Absolutely. Absolutely, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 2:43:33

This has been such an a pleasure. Oh my gosh, so much good, goodie, good stuff and info, and and um, I just wanna uh I just I appreciate you so much for coming on and and and yapping with me and and um literally catching up together and talking and oh um thank you, thank you so much. And um thank you guys for listening. We really hope you enjoyed the podcast. Um don't forget to give us a like a five-star rating on anywhere you listen to podcasts, and you can watch the full episode on YouTube as well. Thank you, thank you so much, and that's Dweep City with two eyes.

SPEAKER_05 2:44:12

And you can follow Josh on his journey at um at Josh Portillovio uh on Instagram and uh um on Twitter too. Uh I'll spell it out. It's at Josh underscore S-A-I-T-O-G-A-M-I. Yes, that was my voiceover um uh name when I started.

SPEAKER_03 2:44:37

Nice.

SPEAKER_05 2:44:38

Yeah, yeah. That but yeah, you can follow me on Twitter and Instagram. Uh LinkedIn too, if you're there. It's just Josh Portolo.

SPEAKER_03 2:44:46

Me too, me too. I need to check it actually.

SPEAKER_05 2:44:51

I need to I need to I need to post more on LinkedIn. Oh yes, same.

SPEAKER_01 2:44:55

It's hard navigating socials, I swear.

SPEAKER_05 2:44:58

I like Instagram the most. That's just me.

SPEAKER_01 2:45:00

Oh, I love Instagram too. I'm I'm this year and just now like starting getting consistent with it. It's been so much fun.

SPEAKER_05 2:45:07

Instagram is the best. I like Instagram the mo the most.

SPEAKER_01 2:45:11

Yes. Thank you guys so much for watching, and we will see you in the next one. Thank you guys so much for listening. We really hope you enjoyed this episode. If so, please give us a five-star rating on wherever you listen to your podcast. Give us a comment or two. And on YouTube, uh, you can watch the full episode um of us uh yapping in in real life. Looking at us in visual form. Thank you for supporting the podcast, and we really hope you took something from it. Or you just wanted to listen to us yapping while you're doing the laundry or working or you know, chilling. Um, I really do appreciate it. And this this podcast has been so amazing, and I'm so happy to uh be able to explore more with you guys and get get and chase our dreams. And if you want to know more about me, um all of my info is at Starjackson369 as well as my website. Uh-huh. And uh Dweeb City with two wise is also anywhere you get social media pretty much. Thank you guys for listening. I hope you have a wonderful day, wonderful week, and I will see you in the next one. Peace.