Why Acting Moves Me

Enjoy! thnks for hitting PLAY!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:22

Welcome back to the Breakthrough Real. Thank you for pushing play as always. This is James Lee again. And today I'm not talking about, you know, like Hollywood fame or red carpets. I'm talking about where the dream started. For me, anyways. Little James Lee in front of the TV, acting things out in his living room, memorizing lines in the mirror. Before I said out loud, I want to act. I was kinda, you know, already doing it. So let's go back to the beginning, to the movies, the shows, mostly the shows in this podcast. I have a separate one for the movies that inspired me. Um that kind of planted the seed and made me fall in love with acting. Um, as you'll see, like most of these are very 90s. I grew up in the 90s, and that's where I was bit by the bug. And we're gonna start really where I feel and I really deep dive into my mind's eye to remember when did I first wanted to do this? When did acting and performance like really get me? And this starts out with home alone. Home alone. Man, that is definitely when I first got my first. Like, I wanna do that. Seeing the way Macaulay Calkin made all of that feels so real. It blew my mind. Like, you would never have guessed that a whole crew of adults was behind the camera directing it. He just played it so naturally to me. The funny parts, the emotional parts, the physical comedy, he literally nailed it all. Me and Macaulay are pretty much like the same age. Maybe he's a couple years older than me, but as a kid, I was super impressed. Here's this tiny little boy, my size, carrying an entire movie on his back. He was in almost every frame the star and the comedy, perfect. His facial expressions alone could could, you know, crack you up. But then he'd switch it to something emotional or scared, and it all felt real. That's when I started kind of like mimicking. I remember I had a little winter hat, you know. Um, little winter hat, a puffer jacket, and some gloves. Kind of like what he wore, like in the movie, like when he would trudge through the snow or anything like that. Um, the jeans, the boots, I kind of had my own version of that. Uh, probably not as nice as his in the movies, but close enough to me, you know. I'd put them on, step outside, and I'd be Kevin McAllister. And let me be clear, it's not that I want to be Macaulay Calkin. I was impressed by what he was doing. I wanted to be Kevin McAllister. I wanted to act out the way he made Kevin McAllister. I wanted to act that part with the same innocence, purity, and realness that he bought to it. As a kid, it was inspiring. That was magic to me. Watching a boy my age command a screen like that made me think, that looks like fun. I don't even think I thought maybe I can do this, but I wanted to do it and I did it. You know, you'll hear it a lot in this podcast me talking about, you know, I would direct my cousins and write out things for us to do, especially one particular cousin um two years under me, my cousin Tyrone. He would do anything I asked as long as he was part of it and he'd help create it with me. But we didn't even need Home Alone on to act out the scenes, like ever. I remember that movie from top to bottom, and that's when I was like, oh yeah, I freaking love doing this. I loved being Kevin McAllister, I loved being another character. Alright, guys, you're guys gonna be like, oh dear god, when I say this. But then came Power Rangers. Now, listen, I know what you might be thinking. You learn acting from Power Rangers Le Sen. I love all those actors from that show. I've even met a couple of them, and I don't ever want to make fun of them because they inspired a whole generation of kids. For me, it wasn't so much about acting, it was the entertainment of the show itself that lit me up. Power Rangers was a huge part of my creative side. It kind of taught me that I could write characters and build a world. And you've got to remember that all this hit me early. Again, home alone about nine, nine or ten, power rangers at 11, Buffy at 14, and that carried me through 21. Each one stacked on top of the other, showing me something new. With Power Rangers, I started to understand structure, the formula was clear. And as a kid, I studied it. You know, in the beginning, the teens were happy. Doing something fun, building something, laughing together. Then that we would cut to, you know, the villains, planning the evil scheme. Then the plan gets executed, and the power ranges rally, fight, and overcome. And by the end, they're smiling again. Lesson learned, roll those credits. Perfect. That's actually the perfect way to teach a kid how story work. It's wrapped up neatly, but then sometimes they go deeper. A three-episode arc, a five-episode arc, a to-be-continued cliffhangers. That showed me you could stretch a story, build anticipation, and make people come back. I would leave in the morning from school. And sometimes I would have to leave in the middle because school started in the middle of Power Rangers. And I would just think about it all day long. All day. Like what those kids did. Those kids that we found out were getting paid no money back then, but they put on a show for us. It was amazing. It really, really, really left its mark on me. Um, and like I was telling you guys earlier, you know, me and my cousin, you know, sometimes it would be me and my other creative cousin Tyrone. And sometimes my brother would join, and sometimes his smaller brother, my little cousin, would join sometimes, but mostly it was me and him. Like we had crazy imaginations and we wanted to create. And you know, I'm from Ohio, so we both had basements, so we had all this place to play. You know, my basement and my house is kind of dingy and you know, very basement-y, but his was perfect. Um, his mom's basement was there was a part that was very basement y and grungy and dusty, like a basement, but they had a finish side, and you could walk through the door and it was clean, and you can put up different sets. So that's how I would block out scenes and everything to create my own episodes. So we took powers to the basement. Sometimes it was just the two of us, like I said. Sometimes it was just me and him playing multiple roles, like just switching up in the middle of scenes. And I was always the one structuring the arcs. I'd be like, okay, here's the storyline. Here's how the villains strike, here's how we beat them. I was directing without even knowing I was directing. I remember making props out of cardboard boxes, coloring them with crayons, blocking the fight scenes, treating it like it was a real theater. And to be honest, I was kind of a diva about it too. I was like the little kid narcissist because I remember one time I wrote a five-episode arc where every single character but mine got trapped somehow. So basically, my cousin had to play the bad guys, and I got to shine as the hero for five straight episodes. I mean, what a fucking bitch. But he didn't complain and anime good, a good show. So I can remember that like yesterday. But here's the thing though: some of the stuff we created, it was actually good. I remember storyboarding them, even drawing comics based on our episodes. I wanted them to live on paper the way I saw them in my head. Power Rangers got my creative juices flowing in a way nothing else did at that age. It made me want to own my old kids' network. Like I literally dreamed of running my own Fox Kids because that's where Power Rangers aired. I wanted to create my own little stories, just like all those stories from the Fox Kids Network. So yeah, maybe it wasn't Emmy worthy acting. But that I don't think that was the point. Definitely wasn't the point. Those characters, those stories, who they were, they inspired me. They taught me how to build, how to play, how to create. And I'll forever love that show for opening up that side of me. Powering just taught me how to structure a story. Imagine bigger, and how to take fun seriously. And I'm thankful for that. And I think you heard me mention Buffy. Like I told you in the first episode, this will not be the last time you hear Buffy. Like I said, this show carried me from a little teenager, like a fresh little teenage 14-year-old, to a 21-year-old. That's a big chunk of my life. Okay, so what can I say? That show changed me, and it did. The range of those characters, the story arcs, the emotion those actors poured into every beat, it wasn't real. Sam Michelle Geller, Allison Hannigan, Nicholas Brendan, Chris McCarpenter, Anthony Head. I could go on. Every single one of them brought something so authentic to this wild, fantastical world. And think about it. This was a universe full of witches and werewolves, goblins, demons, creatures. You never see in real life. But the way they played those characters made it feel real. That was the brilliance. The writing gave you fantasy, but the acting gave you truth. Fucking perfect. That's what got me. You could love these characters, you could hate them, you could root for them, be mad at them, be heartbroken for them. And all that made sense because the actors built them so carefully. I mean, one of my favorite characters, you know, take Willow Rosenberg, for example. At the start, she's this quiet, shy, brainy girl, meek, bullied, overlooked. And then you watch her journey little by little, brick by brick. She grows. She finds her power. And by the end, she's strong enough, angry enough, broken enough to almost destroy the world. And it didn't feel forced. It didn't feel fake. Every single step was earned. Alison Hannigan hit every beat. From the comedy to the heartbeat, to the rage, to the grief, she made you believe her. That's what Buffy taught me about acting, about storytelling. That no matter what the words are in the script, no matter how fantastical the setup is, if you bring conviction and truth, people will feel it. They'll believe it. I don't think I've ever absorbed a show the way I absorbed Buffy. It wasn't just TV for me. It was a masterclass. It showed me that acting can take the most unreal situations and ground them into something that makes you cry, laugh, scream, and connect. And that carried me from 14 years old all the way to my 20s. Those characters grew and I grew right alongside them. Buffy didn't just entertain me, it shaped how I saw acting, how I understood performance, and why I wanted to do it myself. It was a masterclass for an aspiring actor. Alright, so I kind of want to talk about what acting means to me and why I want to do it. And let me tell y'all something about me. I am not like it took me so long to do this podcast. I because it's I I don't like attention. That sounds so bullshitty when you say it, but I mean how do I explain it? I can just put it in the way of what I'm explaining to you now. I am not searching for fame when it comes to acting. It's just the craft of it. You know what I mean? Like, I just want I want to be on a stage. I want to be behind a camera. I want to bring characters alive. I want to get a script, read a character, and put it, put their shoes on, become somebody else. You know? So to me, acting is not just plain pretend, it's so much deeper than that. You know, um, it taught me so much as a person, even before I even thought of training. It taught me about emotions and how to tap into them. And that's one of the reasons why I feel I would be a good actor. Because I am a walking emotion. I am in touch with my emotions. I understand them. I can put my feet in other people's shoes and just feel what they're going through. That's a big part of acting. Really getting into character. You've got to have empathy, resilience, and creativity. And I had that long before I ever took a class. And for me, so much of it happened at home in the mirror. I memorized so many monologues. It's kind of crazy once I think about it. It's probably I probably looked crazy doing some of them, just to see something on TV and immediately run into the bathroom and shut that door, especially when I was had siblings. Just so I can get that out, just so I can say it, just so I can do it my way. Just to look at myself, make myself cry. I've been doing monologues in the mirror since, I don't know, maybe about 12 years old. I just always was inspired by the embodying of characters. And the thing about a great performance, it can make you feel. It can make you feel seen, make you feel heard, or not even any of that. Just make you feel, period. It can make you cry, it can make you laugh, give you goosebumps. That's magic to me. That someone in a role on a screen can affect you so deeply, and that's the power of acting. That's why it's so attractive to me. Why it's always pulled me in. Movies fill me up, they inspire you, they scare you, they move you, they're so powerful, so magical, and that's why I really, I really never let go of the dream, you know, because it wasn't just about being on TV, it was about creating that kind of magic. But you know, you can have big dreams, but you know, fear can get in the way of that, and we all have that. Even some of the actors that I've seen in interviews or behind the scenes, they have the same kind of fears that I do, and it's insane to me because they're so bold as these characters, and I would love to experience that, you know, but fear really got in my way, you know. I used to have a dream of running to New York, used to run in the way. I had this picture in my room. I was about 20 years old. I had a picture of New York skyline at night. I had it above my TV. I would dream about being there, auditioning, really, really going for it. But if you really knew how I grew up, you'd understand. And I still shouldn't even blame all that, because there are people who grew up way worse than me. You know, I mean, I've read Viola Davis' autobiography, Taraji P. Hiddenson's autobiography, and man, they're some of the greats of our time. But for me, growing up in Dayton, Ohio, in the family I came from, it seemed inconceivable sometimes. Like it was too big, like it wasn't for people like me. And yet I was so close so many times to just running off and doing it. But then the fear would hit me. I'd tell myself, oh man, I can't be homeless in New York City. I remember thinking that all the time, like, I can't be homeless in New York. I mean, I like a shower. I can't really conceive of being alone in a big city and running off. But man, was that my fantasy for years on end? But, you know, that fear crept in and it kept me down. And then there's the nagging voice in your head. It joins into that negative one that whispers, it's not for you. And you start to believe it. You tell yourself, okay, I'll buckle down, find a job, find a career, and what? Work myself forever? Doesn't that sound daunting as hell? But I didn't even see it that way at the time because I also wanted a family and I had one. I unfortunately got married and wonderfully became a dad, and I found a career I really truly love. Like I told you guys before, I am a dog groomer and I fucking love my job. I love what I do. But at the same time, I got into this, into that life, that so-called American dream. I thought, we'll get a house, I'll grow my grooming business, we'll take vacations, live that life. And let me be clear, I don't regret my son ever. He's the best thing that ever happened to me in my life. I mean, I wanted him more than acting, you know what I mean? And I've achieved that dream, thankfully. But the older I got, you know, the acting dream, it just seems so untouchable, not feasible. Not for me. And saying that out loud now sounds so horrible. But it is my truth. For years, it was my truth. Years went by, man. And life changes, things happen, you know, and I always say kind of that. Well, I don't always say as I was writing all this out and thinking about this podcast and what I wanted to say, it's kind of like it stalked me. Acting stalked me. The dream never really died. My focus totally went on other things for a while, but it was always there. Um in 2022, it started to come back around. At first, it was through writing. I started scribbling down little things my son would say. I thought about turning them into a children's book. And that spark, that writing, it woke something back up in me. I started writing again. I started monologuing again. I would write my own monologues and perform in them in the mirror like I was a kid again. And then I thought, yeah, this is what I want to do. Both really, you know, acting, writing, creating, building. And so I did. I started getting back into it. I had been in a couple acting classes since then. Even took a theater singing class last year, y'all. And my God. I would go in there and I would have good days and bad days. Like, do I sound good? Do I sound bad? But you know what, guys? I did sound okay. And I ended up singing in a showcase last spring. Was it this spring? Yeah. This past May. Insanely. I would have never done that. I was nervous as hell, but I did it. You know what I mean? I still can't believe I did it. I also started taping auditions. You know, I've done so many. I have not done any since July, because I think I did like 13 taped auditions. You know, I'm reading books again on acting, watching videos again on acting. And I, of course, I love just listening to my favorite actor talk about, you know, their process and how they begin. And no, I have not booked anything yet. But damn it, I'm doing it. Um, I'm studying, I'm learning, and I'm falling in love with it again. And that's when I realized, you know, back in 2022, I was 40 years old, that this dream never left me. It circled back around and found me again. So maybe that's the point. Maybe it doesn't matter how many years go goes by, if it's truly your dream, it'll come back. It'll find you again. And that's what acting did to me. It left me for a while, but now it's caught me again. So, my question to y'all is, what dream did you put aside because you thought it wasn't for you? What dream came back to you to tap you on the shoulder, no matter how much you try to ignore it? For me, that's acting. From my love of home alone to Buffy. And even when I tried to silence it, it found me again. Alright, guys, I'm about to wrap this up. Thank you guys so much for joining me. I appreciate you pushing play again. And I'm James Lee, and this has been the Breakthrough Reel. Until next time, keep loving movies, keep loving performances, and don't ignore the dreams that refuse to let you go. And as always, people, thank you.