Navigating Heartbreak and Hope, Marvae's Story

A Mother's Journey: Faith, Heartache, and Resilience
In this deeply moving episode of Stories Untold with Marvae, Marvae shares an emotional and powerful account of her son's legal troubles, the courtroom ordeal, and the heart-wrenching visits to prison. We follow her story from the shock and disbelief of the initial hearing to the challenges of visiting her son in various prisons, and the eventual reunion after his release. Through her narrative, Marvae explores themes of faith, resilience, and healing amidst personal and familial struggle. Join her as she divulges her raw emotions, the support from family and community, and the transformation that her son experienced during and after his incarceration

Transcript

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Hi, I am Marvae and welcome to Stories Untold with Marvae, where we share powerful narratives of faith, resilience, and transformation. Through honest and heartfelt conversations. We explore the journey of overcoming personal challenges, health struggles and emotional battles, while leaning on faith and inner strength to keep us moving forward. So I took time off from work and traveled to California. At the time I was living in Virginia and I had been since 2000, I was working for postal headquarters and I took about two weeks off. And, uh, this all happened in 2011. My son was, uh, 24 years old at that time. When I arrived at the courthouse the next morning, I sat with my son's dad. We were divorced for quite a few years at the time, and sitting next to us was my son's, then girlfriend and mother of my grandson. And then we started to see previous coaches come in, sat down beside us childhood friends that he had known for years. Previous employers, more family, and we all just sat there in silence, in in sheer disbelief and it seemed as though we sat for hours, but it would had only been about 15 minutes. And I remember thinking to myself, the judge had walked in at that time, and I remember thinking to myself, oh, she's a woman. Not that that meant anything. It just, I, I was just capturing and noticing every single detail in that courtroom, despite the fact that it was so foggy in my mind. and then the bailiff handed her his file and she reviewed it quickly and exchanged words with the prosecutor and with his defense attorney and, and then she started reading the charges, and I was shocked. I was embarrassed. I was angry, I was desperate. I was anxious. Just a whole host of emotions is what I felt. And then she kindly asked him to please stand, end, and she asked him how did he plea? And he responded. Guilty, your Honor. Yeah, and when I heard those words, my mind flooded with memories, his birth, toddler years, milestones, birthdays, soccer games, school activities, all playing in my mind like a film reel, and the tears just rolled down my face. He sat back down and the judge looked straight at my son and said very matter of factly. I read 100 character letters written on your behalf, from coaches, from friends, from coworkers, from employers, from family, and my heart was so heavy. The weight of reality pressed down on me. The judge was very kind and I thanked God for that. I needed her to be kind and she was. And then she said. Now look where you are. You're standing here before me waiting to hear your sentence for a crime that should never, ever have happened. You had a promising athletic career, and these letters reflect how highly people thought of you, your family, your friends, coaches, employers. The community and I realized that my son had to pay for his crime. I was in favor of that. I just couldn't understand how he got here. How, how, how did this happen? What didn't I do enough of? Why did he choose this behavior that I had no idea he was involved in? I was, uh, sad and confused and I ached, ached with confusion. I, at that moment wondered how would he live incarcerated? How will he be treated? How would he treat others? Is he gonna get released? Is he not gonna get released? Really? What would prison do for him? Not that he shouldn't be punished, but what could he get positive out of being in prison? Because I wanted him to find some positivity there. He had to, he had no choice, and then she asked him to stand and I thought she's about to tell him his bait. I heard count one, count two, count three, and I thought, my God, how many charges? What are these charges? There were so many to me, it was one too many for me. Then I would see the attorney whispering to him and the prosecutor agreeing, and of course everything was in slow motion for me, so I really didn't capture it all. I just remember looking and, and watching every move that. They made and then she asked him to stand, and I thought, okay, I, and then I heard the prosecutor agree to something and then I heard 12 years. To run concurrent and one year time served. At the time he had spent a year in Oakland County jail, 12 years of life in prison, and away from his young son. That was hard. For me, because I, I couldn't understand what was in his mind. What was he thinking? What did he stand to gain from criminal behavior? So before court was adjourned, the judge looked at my son and said, I expect you to take advantage of every opport opportunity while you're incarcerated. Do you understand? And he said, yes, your honor. I understand. She said, there are a lot of positive programs that you can take advantage of and get involved in, and for your sake, take the opportunity. And then she said, very matter of factly, I don't ever, ever wanna see you in my courtroom again. Do you understand? And he said, yes, your honor. I do. She said, your family needs you. Your son needs you and your community would like you back whole and doing positive things. And he said, yes, your honor. I understand. And with finality. The judge thanked everyone and said, court is adjourned. And my son stood up, turned around shackled, and I remember looking at him and seeing this little boy all over again and he took his hand and he brought it to his lips and blew us all a kiss and. And then they, uh, escorted him to the back and I didn't see him again. And then his father and I got up and we thanked everybody for coming on his behalf and supporting him. And then his attorney walked over to us and he said, I don't believe what just happened. And we kind of looked at him, sort of confused. We didn't know what he was talking about. We, we didn't know. And he said she could have given him 25 years to life. I, and he said, I actually thought she was, but uh, she spared him for some reason, and that's positive. So we, to me, 12 years was, was agonizing. But in retrospect, yes, 12 years was positive and we thanked him for listening to my son. He had spent hours with him. He was a young guy. He listened to him. He knew a lot about him. He understood him. So we said our goodbyes, and that was it. So my son's first stop was in Nevada. I believe he was transitioning there. He spent about a month and then he was sent to Arkansas and it was a minimum security prison, I believe. I know it was maximum. Uh, and. A month or two went by and I had gotten a call from him and he asked if I could bring his son. And at the time his son was, oh, I think he was quite young, maybe four, five. Um, about four or five. So I spoke with his mother at that time, his mother. Was living in Virginia where she was from. So I contacted her and we coordinated. She didn't live too far away from me, and I decided that, uh, one weekend we were gonna drive from Virginia to Arkansas, and it was about 15 hours. So I went and picked him up and. We had a nice drive. It was, uh, pouring rain in certain areas, but we bonded pretty good and it was fun. We stayed in a hotel the first night and in anticipation to go see his dad, he was quite excited and I was, uh, I was excited to see my son too. So we arrived in Arkansas, and the preparation to visit somebody in prison is unbelievable. You don't know if you're wearing the right clothing, even though they give you these restrictions. Of course, you can't bring anything in. Uh, but you're, you, you have to leave your keys, you have to leave your purse with them, and it's two or three screenings and you are just, it's, it's pretty frustrating and exhausting to go through that whole process. And I was. Sad for my grandson because I, who wants to take your grandson to visit their father in prison? You know, it was, it was frustrating and, and I was emotionally exhausted. So we, we got in and we, we waited a little bit and then they let us in and. And all the prisoners came through and they got to, uh, spend time with their families and outcomes, my son. And so we embraced, and of course his son cried. And my son, my son couldn't, uh, couldn't cry, but. To see the emotion between the two of them and the bond was, was unbelievable. It was, it was very, uh, moving for me. So we chit chatted. We got to spend about four or five hours and we spent time there. We. Had snacks and we talked and he spent a lot of time, uh, just talking to his son and, and I remember my grandson. It seemed like every other sentence within that sentence, he would say, daddy, when you coming home? And my son would have to tell him that, you know, he's gonna be there, you know, I'll be here for a while, son, and, but you're gonna come back and see me. And he, he always kept everything positive, which I thought was, was great for him and great for my grandson. But then when it was time to leave, um, we stayed two nights, so we were able to see him twice and each time, the first night we left, he was, uh, my grandson was just distraught. It was, he, he didn't wanna let his, his dad go. And I was tearing up, of course, my, my, my son was holding back tears and I really didn't understand why. Uh, but then I realized later on that it's prison and you don't show emotion in prison. So he held his son so tightly. The first day and the guards actually gave him a little bit of grace. I think they, they saw and they were affected by, by the emotion of it. It was surreal. It was. Just incredibly moving. So he left and we went back to the hotel and I wanted to make sure I debriefed a little bit with my grandson. I asked him how he was, and of course he was quite young, so he said he was okay. And of course he started crying and he said, I, I miss my daddy so much. I said, I, I do too, son. I want him home too, but he has to be there for a while and he seemed to understand in his own way, but it, it had to have been tough on him. He was, he was confused. He was confused and didn't understand. So we saw him the next day. We got up super early and stood in line and once again, went through security and. We saw him again. It was a little bit easier this time for my grandson. He was still very emotional each time he saw his dad, but it was, it was a, a little easier because it was day two. So he got to see him again, and of course I got to see him again as well. So, same thing, we talked, uh, we, we. Discussed what plans we were gonna, where we were gonna stop on the way home, what we were gonna do, and uh, and then it was time to leave again. And this nearly half killed me, and I'm sure it, it was, it have killed my son as well. Uh. Same situation. My poor little grandson went to hug his dad so tightly and he didn't wanna let him go. And I had to tell him, you know, we're gonna come back, we're gonna see him again, and everything is gonna be okay. He's gonna be fine. And his dad told him, seemed like a thousand times he told him he loved him and he made some bad mistakes and. He was gonna be, he was gonna be where he was for, for a time. And so, uh, once again, we, we, we departed and my poor grandson was just in tears, just weeping and weeping all the way to the car. And I was crying as well. We held each other and I told him, I promised him I would bring him back and it wouldn't be that long between, uh, the time he would see his daddy again, There were many tears on the way home from visiting my son. My grandson is quite the sensitive young man. He was very sensitive as a young boy. He still is very sensitive, and to see him hugging his father. And watching him hold him so tightly, it was unbearable for me. I, I just stood there and watched and I. Felt my grandson's pain and his heartache to be with his dad to wanna bring his dad home. So the walk back to the car was so, so tough for me and it was, was tougher for him. But we made it through and on the way home. Uh, at one point he fell asleep and I remember thinking about the visit, the positive aspects of that visit. I knew that his, his son needed to, that my son needed to see his son, and my grandson needed to visit his dad. So I just capitalized on all of the positive. Uh, pieces and stories that they told and shared with each other, and that kept, that held me together. We got home and we didn't go back to visit my son, uh, in Arkansas again. He had moved, he took advantage of a welding program that was offered in. Louisiana. Um, the judge had said she wanted him to take advantage of everything positive, so I know that he was tutoring, um, a lot of young men there that couldn't read or write, and there was an opportunity for him to get into a welding program in Louisiana. So they, uh, was good behavior as well. He couldn't just transfer there. Uh, so several months later he did transfer and I think he was there for about four or five months and it just wasn't working out. It wasn't a place that he wanted to be. So he put in for a transfer back to Arkansas and. We didn't see him for probably about a year, and by then he was moved to Oklahoma. So Oklahoma. I did bring my grandson a couple of times to visit him. There and, uh, the same, same scenario. My son looked good. He had been working out and by then he had started a, uh, soccer team, and that was going well, and he headed up a lot of good, good programs for the inmates. So the visitations, uh, with my son and my grandson went on for a few years. I didn't, didn't visit as much as I, I didn't visit that much. I was involved heavily in work and there was some travel, uh, and I really didn't have. I emotionally, I really didn't wanna go back to prison over and over again to visit. I, I sank into, uh, it was, it was a depression. I had this lull that was over me for a few years because I just couldn't get past the fact that. My son had done these horrific, you know, involved in such a horrific crime. I, I just didn't understand it and I spent so many years angry and, and then I went through this fear of, of, is my son safe? Um, can he actually handle being incarcerated? What I didn't know until he came out was how much he actually did learn in prison. He learned structure, he learned, uh, simple everyday things that we take for granted, uh, like laundry folding. Um. He learned, uh, cleaning habits, you know, being, being cleanly, um, teaching people to read, teaching people to write very fundamental things that we take advantage of. And I, I guess I, I sort of, it was, it became outta sight, outta mind. Um, I did take my grandson, uh, about four or five times in the 12 years. And then, uh, my, my son did get married and, uh, his new wife would, would, would take him. So I sort of became, you know, once I knew he was okay. Um, and there were some challenges. Throughout the years with, um, uh, trouble in prison and not necessarily anything he did, but the surrounding inmates. And so then everybody goes on lockdown and, you know, so I would hear these, these issues and stories of what happened, um, through my daughter-in-law and through my ex-husband, and. So I kept sort of, um, kept things at bay, in my mind was the only way I could deal with it. And so when he did come out in 2022, that was, um, that was quite a reunion. Quite a reunion, and I was actually able to. Sit down and talk to him and ask him very pointed questions that I wasn't ever able to ask him. And so he revealed a lot to me. Uh, he had a lot of anger. Um, and some of it stemmed from the loss of his brother, which that will be a, um. A subsequent, uh, podcast, uh, on the death of my other son. So, uh, I, I understood to a degree, but the loss of 12 years with his son and his family, really, it just didn't justify. It didn't justify going to prison, but he was very much involved in, um, gang affiliations and, uh, and those are very, very dangerous people. So, uh, like I said, I, he's thriving now and, uh, we've reunited, we're all together and we have been, he's out here in Virginia and he's. Uh, doing quite well. Uh, he's working and, and, uh, we have started a business, my daughter-in-law who is also an, uh, um, uh, a retired veteran. And, uh, my son, uh, we started a business and we're doing quite well, and he has made some significant changes, obviously post prison. Uh, but there's still that side of him that is, um, uh, he's, he's antsy. He's, he gets, uh, restless, but, but that's always been his nature and not that he's doing anything that he shouldn't be doing, but his nature is very, very restless. So he has to constantly be busy. But he integrated back in society quite well. I was. A little bit surprised because 12 years is 12 years. And, um, so throughout those years of him being incarcerated, I, um, I did come to terms with, I, I, of course, I had no choice but to come to terms with where he was. But you know, you have fear looming, not knowing what. What to expect, or you're gonna get a phone call that, that something happened, something tragic or, or even, you know, even, uh, death. It, it just was always there. Thank you for allowing me to share my story about my son being in prison. It had been a while since I had talked about it, but never in this, this depth. So thank you for being here. If you like this video, please like and subscribe. Leave me a comment and there will be subsequent videos coming. Thank you.