#222- Curate Your Inner Circle or It'll Curate You

Salisha is pulling back the curtain on one of her most personal and most powerful yearly rituals. Every Christmas season, she sits down and does something most people would never admit to: she ranks her friendships. Not out of judgment, but out of self-preservation, clarity, and love.

In this episode, you'll hear about:

• What the A-List, B-List, and Sh*t List actually mean and why having one changes everything
• How a lonely stretch on tour with Beautiful: The Carol King Musical inspired this whole practice
• Why Salisha writes two versions of her Christmas letter every year and what the A-List version actually sounds like
• The chapter in her book Why Be a 9 When You Can Be a 10 that covers the VIP List
• How this annual ritual helps her evaluate friendships, celebrate new ones, and quietly release the ones that no longer serve her

You don't need to announce the list.

You don't need to tell anyone they're on it.

You just make it and feel the shift.

CHAPTERS 

• [00:00] Intro & Welcome to The Salisha Show
• [00:45] The origin story: a lonely night on tour and a question that changed everything
• [01:36] Introducing the A-List, B-List & Sh*t List
• [02:26] What it really means to be on someone's A-List
• [03:10] The two Christmas letters: the edited version vs. the real one
• [05:07] How Salisha evaluates friendships every year at Christmas
• [06:37] Why keeping this list private is part of the power
• [07:37] The A-List test: who picks up, who texts back, who shows up

Episode Recorded at: Gotham Production Studios, Midtown Manhattan

@salishathomas @thesalishashow, www.thesalishashow.com

Many thanks to Gotham Network in NYC, TyNia Brandon for writing and laying vocals down for the updated theme song and Big Red Studios for the intro video wherever you watch the latest season of The Salisha Show!

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:21

Hello, what's up? It's me, Salisha. Welcome back to the Selecia Show. Woo! Um, I'm here at the gorgeous Gotham Production Studios in Midtown Manhattan on the Gotham Network, and I'm so excited to be here. I it's Christmas is just around the corner, and one of the things that I love to do that I do every year, I've done it ever since I was on tour with Beautiful the Karaoke musical. When I was like, do I have friends? Do people does anybody like me? I curated a list of people around the world, mostly the United States, of people that I would do anything for, I would take off work for, and go to their weddings. I would just be there for them if they needed me. Like, who was on that list? And I was having a very bad day. And I just needed to know like, are there people out here that care about me? Tour can be a very lonely place. I also loved being on tour, so there is that.

SPEAKER_02 1:18

But we had some cold, dark nights when we were in Chicago in the winter.

SPEAKER_01 1:24

Whew! And I was living in a basement. So there's that. But when I made this list, I called it my A-list. And it what it felt so empowering. And in my book, Why Be a Nine When You Can Be a Ten, there's a chapter in here called Um The VIP list, curating your inner circle. But really, it's just a long title for make who's on your A-list. So here's how I do it. For a long time, this was a total secret. I did not tell my friends. And when I mentioned it to one of my friends, they were like, I'm sorry, what? So I have a list of people, my A-list, my B list, and my shit list. So it's not a bad thing to be on the B list. That is like where most people fall. But the A list is the people who you will move mountains for. Like if they ask you the most inconvenient thing ever in the whole world of Evers, you will do it. And you won't give them a hard time about it. And you'll do it with love. And these are the people who would do the same for you. No questions asked. So every year around this time of year, I write a Christmas letter. And I write a couple different versions of this Christmas letter. I write the letter that like I can send my mom and she won't freaking like freak out. And my family and the church and my business associates and my like network. That is like a good Christmas letter. Like, greetings, friends and family. This year, Andrew and I did blah blah blah. And we did this, and I still put myself in it. Like, I think, I think one of the years I put in like at any moment, Selicia could get knocked up.

SPEAKER_02 3:33

So I still like M me, but it's just a very toned, down, edited version of me.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

And then I write the version for my A-list. In fact, I think I write the A-list version first. It's the things that I just have to get off my chest, the things that I really want to say. 2020's Christmas letter probably sounded something like, what the what the bleep was this? This year was a shit show. Bleep, bleep, bleep. Like, this sucked. This year sucked. And then I'll list all the things that went wrong. And then the B list is. The B list Christmas letter is like, it just has like a glossier finish around it. But it is always my goal to leave my A list just a little gagged, a little jaw-dropped, a little like, how dare you put this in writing, my friend. Oh my goodness. So I have these different Christmas cards, and that helps me differentiate who's on what list. Not only that, but this happens every year. Christmas comes every year. So this gives me the opportunity to sit down and really evaluate who were my friends this year? Who was there for me this year? Who was I there for this year? Are there any new friends who came into my sphere who really like lit me up? Those people get added to the list. And then I think who was kind of like lagging? And I wouldn't say this to them, to their face. Of course, I wouldn't be like, hey, you weren't really a good friend this year. No, we're not doing that. Silence is what that is. We don't have time for like drama, but we just distance ourselves, whether it's on purpose or maybe it's not on purpose. It happens. And I and I think about those, about those people who have drifted away. You know, maybe they get shifted to another list. And then I think about the people who did me dirty. Listen, again, if you know me, we don't like to like live in bitter land. We don't like to live in drama land. I don't like to talk crap about people. I don't like to like fester in how sucky somebody was to me with other friends. I think that's like gossiping, I don't like that. But in my private little journal, I have the shit list. And the people who did me so wrong, I'm not gonna gossip about them. But if they make the list, things will change. And no one has to see this list. Nobody has to see this list. And in fact, in not showing it off, I like me talking about it is literally like me telling my secrets right now. But you know what? This is my podcast. If you're actually listening to this, like thank you. That is like kind of special. Like you're taking time out of your freaking schedule to like listen to me every week. That thank you. I do appreciate that. So I'm gonna spill the beans. Um, it is very empowering to have these lists. I feel like my own version of Anna Winter and knowing who's on what list helps me decide how far I'm willing to go out of my way for a person. If somebody's world is burning down and they're on my shit list, I don't think my world has to burn down trying to save them. If they're on my A list, I'm canceling my plans. I'm dropping what I'm doing. I might skip lunch so I can go rescue them. Like that is the diff, like, that's how we differentiate. Nobody needs to know that this list exists. Nobody needs to know which list they're on. You just make it and see how it makes you feel. It does not matter if these people are your next door neighbors, somebody you talk to every day, or somebody you talk to once a we a week or once a year. I have a handful of people on my A list who I only see maybe once a year. But if they call, I will come running. I will come running for them and running to them, whatever they need. And I know in my heart of hearts that they would do the same for me. In fact, whenever I'm asking for like an updated like address each year, the people on my A list are the ones who text me back right away. The people on my B list are the ones who never get back to me. I'm just saying, and I I'm I feel like I'm shooting myself in the foot because I never text anybody back. But I read it if it's an emergency, I'll I'll text. But that's just one little gem I'm gonna leave with you. And I don't know, I feel like I spill a lot of secrets in this book, and somebody told me because I never listened back. I never listened back to my audiobook on Audible. Somebody was like, uh Selicia, you know that you said this, and I was like, are you sure? Yeah. I spill way more in the audiobook than I do in the actual book because I went off script. I was like, I wrote my I wrote this book. I don't need to read it word for word. Let me just tell the story. But in going off script, sometimes I say more than I was planning on. So there you have it, folks. You've got a very transparent Salesh Babish. And with that, I hope you curate your inner circle, your VIP list, and that you honor your A-list. And when your A-list calls on you, that you're there for them. And I pray that when you when you need them, that they've got your back as well. See you next week.