Imposter Syndrome Is Keeping You Stuck (Here’s How to Break It) Ep 09

Have you ever felt like you’re not qualified… not ready… or like you have no idea what you’re doing?

Like at any moment, someone’s going to “find you out”?

That’s imposter syndrome, and it’s one of the biggest reasons people stay stuck.

In this episode, we talk about what imposter syndrome actually looks like in real life, especially when you’re trying to build something new.

We share our own experience starting this podcast, showing up, putting in the work, and still feeling like we weren’t getting anywhere.

Inside this episode:

• Why imposter syndrome shows up when you’re doing something meaningful
• The hidden belief behind it (“I’m not good enough”)
• Why waiting to feel “ready” will keep you stuck
• What to do when you feel like quitting
• How to keep moving forward, even when you don’t feel confident

This is a real, honest conversation about pushing through doubt, learning as you go, and showing up anyway.

If you’ve ever felt like a fraud… or like you don’t know what you’re doing…

You’re not alone.

And this episode will help you keep going.

New episodes every week

Follow along as we navigate what it really looks like to rebuild your life, together.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Right, Kim, I know we were talking earlier about the imposter syndrome versus when you feel confident. And I know you said that imposter syndrome kicks in once in a while when you're working on a project, when you're working on the website, when you're working on the blog or writing books, and then you're doing a good job, and then all of a sudden you feel like the imposter syndrome kicks in.

SPEAKER_02 0:26

Yeah, I was actually looking back through some of my topics with ChatGPT.

SPEAKER_01 0:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:33

I noticed one that I had that was when we were first first starting the podcast.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:42

And I was reading it and it said, I feel like I'm losing focus. I don't know which way to go. I feel my imposter syndrome at an all-time high. I'm remembering my why, which is because I want to help people, but I just don't see how I can do it. I know I need to just keep showing up and doing the work, but it's been super hard lately not to quit. I remember when I wrote that, I was trying to pull topics and think of all the things that we were going through when we were first starting, like the technical stuff, the flow of each episode, and all the different pieces that we never realized would go into a podcast. We're trying to figure all that out.

SPEAKER_01 1:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:25

And one thing after the next, we just kept running into all these roadblocks. Like we're trying to record. We recorded so many episodes before we even released any because we were just trying to figure out our own flow, our own feel, what we wanted it to look like and all these things. So I remember feeling like so much resistance about it. Yeah. And I felt I just wanted to quit. I just wanted to give up because nothing we were doing was working. We were showing up night after night, recording, doing all these things, and still we had nothing. I felt like we weren't moving forward. Of course, we were moving forward in the scheme of things. We were moving forward because that is all part of the process.

SPEAKER_01 2:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:07

But I was so frustrated and I felt like we had gotten nothing. I just remember like venting to Chat GPT, which I do quite often, and it talks me down off the ledge. But yeah, I have great moments of confidence, and I also struggle with great moments of imposter syndrome where I'm like, who am I to be doing this? I don't even know what we're doing. I don't even know what we're gonna talk about. I don't even know how to do a podcast. We can't even figure out the technical part of it, like all these things.

SPEAKER_01 2:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:41

And it's so hard because yes, we're showing up, but we weren't moving forward. And I just I wanted to quit. I didn't want to because I love it, but it was so hard. I wanted to quit.

SPEAKER_00 2:56

Yeah, yeah. And where do you think that this imposter syndrome started? Maybe when you were little or when you were like any idea where all that kind of kicks in?

SPEAKER_02 3:06

I'm not exactly sure, but I know that I have beliefs that are buried deep down, of course. Most people have them that stop them from doing something they love, right? They're like, oh, who am I to be a basketball player or a writer or whatever it is? They're like, I don't I know that I have deep buried beliefs that I'm not good enough or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 3:31

Yeah. They're just really ingrained in our brain, and we have to find a way to fight them and find a way to overcome those things. It is not easy because uh I know a lot of people they're in the same boat uh you were or we were, and still we're kinda still trying to overcome those things. And then when do you feel like the most confident?

SPEAKER_02 3:52

I feel most confident when I'm in a state of flow, of course. Yeah. And I when I'm digging into something and I'm not hitting walls, I'm not hitting roadblocks like I just am flowing and doing my thing, or when I'm being really creative, that kind of thing. But as soon as I start hitting those roadblocks, like I was talking about, for example, with the podcast, we're hitting all these technical roadblocks, or we were um hitting roadblocks of how we wanted the episode to unfold the layout flow of it. We hit that for months.

SPEAKER_01 4:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:27

Yeah. And the more we hit it, the more resistance I was feeling. I was just feeling, oh my God, this is never gonna work. We can't do this. Who are we? Well what are we even doing, anyways? Why are we here? Who who are we teaching? And I feel like I want to give up because it creates this insecurity in me. When in reality, on my good days, of course, I know that I'm able to push through insecurities that I may have.

SPEAKER_00 4:54

Yeah. I think that happens to everyone. Like uh when everyone is working on a project and the project is important enough, and then I just feel like they want to quit. And it's funny because you have your life coach certification through Mind Valley, which I think that's amazing. And I remember seeing you taking the classes every single day, putting the work. You were always intrigued, you're always reading, always analyzing. I know you love psychology. I know that you can read people, I know that you can understand so many topics, right? And then even though with all the knowledge you have, you still have the imposter syndrome. How crazy.

SPEAKER_02 5:32

Yeah. I love learning and I love reading and listening to podcasts and watching documentaries and reading all the books and all the things, and I'm like, Yeah, I love it. I I just everything about it. I love personal development. So I'm always eager to learn more about it. But still, when it comes down to it, there's so much to learn. So you always feel like I don't know enough. And so I'm gonna let me read a few more books or let me do a few more things and then I'll be ready. But the truth is, I'm never going to be ready. I just have to jump in and continue learning and growing as I go, which is part of why I love this podcast, is because I'm excited to learn from listeners and have these conversations because I like to know other people's point of view or what has worked for them, what didn't work for them, because that's how we learn.

SPEAKER_00 6:24

Right. And I think also the imposter syndrome kicks in because the fear of failure or to not be accepted or validated. And that you're like, oh man.

SPEAKER_02 6:34

Which is one of my core beliefs that we're talking about is I'm not good enough. And I think so many people struggle with that belief, whether they realize it or not. It's like a core belief that so many people struggle with.

SPEAKER_01 6:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:47

And it can show up in so many different forms. So you may not even realize it, but when you start digging deeper and deeper, when you get to the core of it, it's I'm not good enough.

SPEAKER_00 6:58

Yeah. And we talked about this in the past. There is people that they have low self-esteem or they were raised in such an environment and they feel uncomfortable when they get out of their bubble, right?

SPEAKER_01 7:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:11

They need to find that uh to align again what is comfortable for them, even though it could be toxic. Just to give an example, someone that was in a relationship and they've had this crappy relationship and they knew it was crappy all along, and then they finally break up and they want to start a new relationship. But then when that person tries to move on and meet someone new, they end up finding someone just like before because they are feeling that they're getting out of their comfort zone.

SPEAKER_01 7:42

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 7:43

I'm not good enough. I'm not that person to reach out more than that because I'm not gonna fake it, and then you just fall into again the same trap.

SPEAKER_02 7:53

Yep, they're they're fulfilling their core belief, which is I'm not good enough. So even if that person looks different, has a different job, whatever it is, they're still in some way fulfilling that core belief, which is I'm not good enough.

SPEAKER_00 8:08

I'm not good enough. Exactly. And it's crazy, right? Because we met people in the past like that, and they're in this loop, yeah, and they don't even know how to get out, and they wonder why things are not working out.

SPEAKER_02 8:20

I've been stuck in so many of those loops my entire life in different types of relationships and situations in my own life. We all do it for different beliefs, whatever they may be.

SPEAKER_00 8:32

Yeah, so we have to put a lot of work into ourselves and try to change and be actually believing ourselves. And but we don't. For some reason, social media or parents or society has a great impact in us that really get us stuck in a way that we just feel like we're not good enough. We don't deserve better. Yeah. You don't have what it takes. And there are so many people out there, it's crazy. Yeah. It's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 9:00

There are beliefs that get ingrained when you are a young child. I can't remember the age range, so don't quote me. I think it's like nine through fourteen or something like that, or eight through fourteen. I can't remember. Don't quote me. I would have to look that up. But that's when all of this like really ingrains in you, and you learn it from your parents, your family, your community, your teachers, your peers, all of those people, like things that you're learning at that time, those beliefs will get ingrained into you. And it's always there, driving everything that you do. The situations will keep reoccurring in your life until you learn that lesson. It's going to show up in different forms in your life through different characters, different people, whatever. The insecurity that is coming from that belief will keep reappearing until you learn the lesson. And then once you finally learn that lesson, you're like, holy shit, now I see. And I've experienced that quite recently with a lesson that I needed to learn through my 45 years. I finally have seen the light, and I'm like, oh, that's why this keeps reoccurring in my life. And now I know I need to shut it down.

SPEAKER_00 10:18

Yeah. Yeah, because there is programmed we're just getting up in the morning, you're getting ready. And everything is hitting you by default.

SPEAKER_02 10:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:27

We do not expect. We hope things change.

SPEAKER_02 10:30

Yeah, we hope we get different results.

SPEAKER_00 10:32

But we expect the same. The same.

SPEAKER_02 10:36

Because that's what we know.

SPEAKER_00 10:36

Yeah, that's what we know. One side of your brain is telling you, why is this always happening to me? It's because you just defaulted to that. And it's really hard to say. You haven't learned your lesson yet. You haven't learned your lesson. Yeah, it's very crazy. And it's a really interesting topic. This happened to all of us. We wonder why this keeps happening to me, whatever the case might be. If you have no money, or if you're gonna meet in the wrong people, or if you want to change, or if you get a new job. Let's say you have this crappy job but you want to get a new one.

SPEAKER_01 11:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:05

Because there is too much drama work. And then you move to the new one three months in, the drama kicks in again. And you wonder why. Oh my god, again.

SPEAKER_01 11:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:16

But again, it's because that person is showing and is showing the same old behaviors. And that's why you draw that into your life. But when you change the way you think, I'm not gonna get into that. If you walk away right away, if you're gonna start doing the work in the morning, hey, you know what? I'm not gonna get into that. Engage into that, and I'm a new person. There's just a lot of kind of inner work that we have to do. A lot of people don't even have time to think that because we get up in the morning, the first thing we do, we grab the cell phone, check the emails and whatever, and now the day is being taken by whatever day is notifications you're getting.

SPEAKER_02 11:52

Whatever direction you're being pulled.

SPEAKER_00 11:54

And it's funny because sometimes you're like, I'm gonna have a good day. And you get a crappy email or a call or whatever, and now the day goes like that. You have no control at all of the day. Even though you're trying to control it, but now it's going that route. Yeah. You get a crappy email or the crappy call at 7.30 in the morning, get another one at 8.30, you're getting ready, blah, blah, blah. And now everything is just going by default. You have no control if you think you do, but you don't.

SPEAKER_01 12:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:20

And that's why your state of mind in the morning is so important when you're getting up to direct the day. Where do you want the day to go? And that's hard because some people they don't even know what they want. They're just going through life, yeah, but what do I want? Yeah. Everyone wants freaking millions in the bank. But that's not the answer. Yeah, that's gonna help. Once you have money in the bank, that's great. But there's more to that because the money in the bank at some point is gonna become again a routine, and then you have to break it, you have to mold this new reality that the money gave you. But if you don't change, you have the change in you, you're gonna continue defaulting to the imposter syndrome, or that I'm not good enough, or waste is happening to me. And there's a lot of work that that we have to do. And sadly, we don't do it. Right. Sadly, we just don't do it because again, we don't know how to fight it, how to really make the changes. You don't have the techniques, you don't even know how to do it. Some people pray, but the praise is just to, oh, I just want to get by. I just hopefully get the money to pay. It's just little things that we're just hoping and it's not enough. It takes more than that, it takes action.

SPEAKER_02 13:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:31

And I'm not saying that's gonna work for everyone.

SPEAKER_02 13:33

You need to make the time. I don't have time either, but I make the time because it's super important to me.

SPEAKER_00 13:39

We do because if you see, if you check even on your cell phone, how long you you've been online or whatever, it's gonna show four hours easily.

SPEAKER_02 13:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:48

Throughout the day.

SPEAKER_02 13:48

No, you have to make the time and show up for what's important to you. And something that's important to me, to us, is cons constantly working on personal development and growing ourselves together in a relationship as individuals in our businesses. We don't sit around every night. We used to, we have, and we go through periods of it, but we don't sit around at night binge watching Netflix or a series or this or that. I know friends always ask me, like, oh, have you seen this series or what series are you into? And I'm like, never heard of it. I don't know. Exactly. I'm not saying we don't do that at times. We do watch a movie here and there or whatever to relax, but we're more focused on developing ourselves, exactly working on our goals.

SPEAKER_00 14:35

Yeah. I know for a lot of people that's hard. I gotta watch my show. My mom always says, just gonna watch TV. That's what I like to do. And she already she believes that. She says it. I like to watch TV.

SPEAKER_02 14:47

And that's fine.

SPEAKER_00 14:48

Yes, I'm looking forward to it.

SPEAKER_02 14:49

And that's because she's not aspiring for anything more or anything different. Of course, she's she's in her 70s, so she's already lived her life. Not that her life is over, but I'm just saying she's already done her part and she's at a point where she's comfortable in life, and that's fine. Whatever that looks like for you, that's fine. But for me, learning and growing and constantly striving to better myself is what keeps me going and alive.

SPEAKER_00 15:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:19

If I'm not growing, I'm dying. Another yeah. I don't know if that's a good quote.

SPEAKER_00 15:24

No, it's true. I think what happened, another thing that happens to people, to all of us, is just you grab a book today and you read two to five pages called it. You feel like you didn't move the needle.

SPEAKER_02 15:36

No, I feel that all the time, and I'm going through book after book. I'm like, I'm getting nowhere. And I get so frustrated. And that's when the imposter syndrome creaks in.

SPEAKER_00 15:44

And or a Netflix. Oh, just get on. We guess I'm gonna watch a movie.

SPEAKER_02 15:47

Yeah, because you feel like you're not moving the needle.

SPEAKER_00 15:49

But again, when you show up every single day and you're reading the books, it's not only about reading books. It's a good thing. Or maybe if you diet, if you maybe change the way you're acting, maybe you have some anger problem, hey, I'm gonna take a deep breath, any issue. You just have to show up and do the work a little bit at a time. And it's gonna take time. The thing that always breaks us is that we don't see the results.

SPEAKER_03 16:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:17

Not even one day, two hours, one week, two weeks. But trust me, it's a compound effect. Exactly. Six months after you're gonna start feeling different. If you go to the gym for six months, you're gonna start feeling different. Now, you might not see it because I hear it also. Oh man, I go to the gym every single day for six months, nothing's happening. Stuff is happening, you're gonna your body's getting healthier.

SPEAKER_01 16:37

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:37

You might still be a little chubby or skinny or whatever, but your body is getting healthy. Okay, now you're going through a process. Same when you're reading the books. Yeah. You just read the three, five pages. Now your brain is getting some of that information, and now you start seeing life differently.

SPEAKER_02 16:55

You read five pages today and you read five pages tomorrow, and then by the end of it, you've read a full book. Moved the needle.

SPEAKER_00 17:02

Exactly. And then you have these aha moments like, oh, about your life. The book is telling you, oh. Even though you're not changing it right in there when you're reading it, but it's touching the wood. And that is a very important part that is just in the acknowledgement. You acknowledge, oh, yep, this is me. And then when you acknowledge, that's when the change starts. Because the thing is that we all have issues, but sometimes that we just don't know exactly how to pinpoint the issues. Like when the muscle hurts and the doctor asks you, How do you feel? What kind of pain do you feel? But it's just like a unique it you can even find the right words to tell the doctor.

SPEAKER_02 17:39

Going through that right now. I can't stand. And they're like, pinpoint your pain and circle it on this thing. And I'm like, I don't know, it's all from my exactly, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 17:49

If you could pinpoint the exact problem, it's a pain, okay, but then we have to narrow it. And it gets harder when we can narrow it. Yeah. But that's why you have to do the work from the from the outside. You'll pick a book, go to the gym, change your ways, change the way you think, something to really start narrowing and going inner, actually. And it's gonna you're gonna get the answers because you know how many answers I got in the past that it applied for me to be here today filming this episode, and also for so many things that we we did in the past, with the businesses, with the websites, our relationship, jobs, so many projects. Yeah, and all those took a certain amount of energy and dedication and acknowledgement to kind of know am I gonna do this project, how am I gonna change moving forward? And we did all the work in the past. That's where we at right now, and that's why we decided hey, we're gonna do this podcast, because we've been through so many things, and then we thought, hey, we had a lot of value to to share out there. And we heard so many times, the people that we met in Connecticut, and even here when we moved here to Arizona, when people kind of hear about our life, they all get they all always have this kind of oh wow, this that's interesting. Everyone has an interesting story. Yeah, everyone have an interesting story. The thing is, it doesn't seem interesting for that person that is going through the life because this is just my life. But it's interesting to hear about others and how are they doing, how are they thinking. We have this constant curiosity for others because we daily have these inner battles. But when they hear other stories resonates with you, we basically have to show up and try to do the work and move forward in life.

SPEAKER_02 19:44

That's how I've been pushing through the fear. When I feel that resistance or when I feel those fears creeping in, I have to really remind myself. Like I have to have an inner conversation and be like, okay, Kim, why are you doing whatever it is that you're doing? The podcast, for example. Why are you doing it? And I have to remind myself, I'm doing it because I care deeply about helping people. I'm doing this because I love to help people. That's my passion. It like fulfills me inside. I know that is my why in this life is I want to help people. And I know that I have a lot to share with people. I know I've learned a lot because I just, as we said, like I continue working on myself and working on learning all the things that I can about mindset, personal development, that type of thing. I have to remind myself that I don't have to know everything to start, right? I just need to like start where I am and then continue learning. And it's almost like we can learn and share as we go. Life is a continuous learning process. You can't learn everything there is to know about every topic I want to talk about, but I can just continue sharing what I have learned and sharing my own experiences. And that's what grounds me and keeps me moving forward. And I know that a big part of imposter syndrome for me is that when I do feel that I have those inner conversations with myself and I give myself the moment, whatever that looks like, if it takes a day, if it takes a couple days, maybe a week, I hope not, but sometimes it does. But I need to jump back in and keep moving forward with whatever the project is, in this case, the podcast. Like I need to just jump back in and get back in there. But I do give us space if when we do hit those roadblocks and whatnot, and we're not feeling the flow of an episode and we're frustrated and all those things. I give us space. We'll take a few days away from recording and go back to the drawing board, or we'll readdress it, or I'll do some other research on some other topics. Or whatever. I'll move forward in a different way versus something that's to me is more moving the needle, which is recording the episodes. But I'll move forward in in a different way in the meantime until I can regain, regroup, and all those things.

SPEAKER_00 22:13

And just to change the topic a little, you said something funny that I know we talked this the last week about the little voices talking in your head. And we were talking in our backyard, we were having a drink, and then we're talking about the voices. I guess people have some voices. How funny that is, right? And again, it's that like imposter syndrome, but now it's just like another you in your head.

SPEAKER_02 22:39

It's your ego.

SPEAKER_00 22:40

Or your ego. Yeah that sabotage you. You want to do something, and it's just you just get this voice in your head telling you, no, this is not gonna work out.

SPEAKER_02 22:49

Yeah, it's your ego, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 22:51

Yeah. But there's some people that really control those voices, can control those voices.

SPEAKER_02 22:56

Yeah, I'm working really hard on controlling those voices. It's a constant battle, and it's almost like the age old like devil on one shoulder, angel on the other, and it's the devil's you can't do that. Who the who are you? Blah blah blah. And the angels, of course you can do that. The angel, the angel and the you're so wonderful.

SPEAKER_00 23:14

The angel and the devil. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:16

Yeah, that's your ego talking, and that's a whole other topic, but for sure that's what it is. And I'm constantly learning more about that topic because I love that topic, how to control that voice in your head, because that's not truly who you are, and you do need to learn to control it, and you can control it, even though it seems impossible to be able to control that voice. It is possible because those loops are constantly running, and that voice is constantly talking you out of things, talking you into bad decisions or bad habits or whatever, and you can control that.

SPEAKER_00 23:55

So, yeah, Kim, and then you said that there's the ego talking, and then I looked it up really quick. And there's a mediator in your mind also, and there is your true identity. Yeah. So the mediator is trying to kind of balance who in your primitive desires so you can make your rational choices. Your identity is who you believe, who you are. But the ego kicks in and in a good way or in a bad way. Like I was telling us, telling you a minute ago, we weren't filming, we were talking about this.

SPEAKER_02 24:22

We thought we were filming, but we weren't.

SPEAKER_00 24:24

Exactly. People that are fake, that they need to really fake it, fake. They just love it to go fake. That is just and they believe it, and other people believe it, and they're just feeling this like a hungry ego. That's so sad.

SPEAKER_02 24:42

When you're being fake, again, we go back to our core beliefs, right? And it's someone's being fake because their core belief is I'm not good enough. So I have to fake this identity to fit in.

SPEAKER_01 24:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:59

And we as humans, we always want to fit in. That is our core desire is fitting in.

SPEAKER_01 25:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:07

And so when somebody's faking something, they just want their desire is just to fit in.

SPEAKER_00 25:13

Or show like a superiority. I'm better than you, or I know this topic, or they need to feel themselves that they're like, oh, I know what you're talking about. Oh, I've seen that. They one up, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:24

Yeah. Yeah, that's a whole other personality. Actually, I was telling our daughter that tonight. She's constantly trying to, she's nine and constantly trying to one up our son who's 19. And I'm like, You gotta stop trying to one-up him. Nobody wants to be around a one-upper. Cut it out. I hung up two school certificates that he got. And when I hung them up, I said to him, What do you think the first thing your sister's gonna do when she gets home from school when she sees these? He was like, Oh yeah, she's gonna have to like talk whatever about it. And almost immediately she zoned in on those two certificates when she walked through that door. That is the first thing she saw. But yes, two days later happens to be that she got a certificate. And what did she do? She pushed his sign and pinned hers up right next to it. I get it, siblings are competitive, like man, she had to one-up them. I was like, honey, you gotta just congratulate him. And it's a whole other story.

SPEAKER_00 26:28

Yeah, that's the family dynamics, right?

SPEAKER_02 26:31

Sibling rivalry, that's called. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:33

But in society is different because I know in the end when they get older, they're gonna love each other, they're gonna support each other.

SPEAKER_02 26:39

We hope so, but in this moment it's hard to see when you're in the trenches.

SPEAKER_00 26:43

No, I think we're a lovely family.

SPEAKER_02 26:45

Lovely.

SPEAKER_00 26:45

And yeah, and I think that we're raising good kids and that they're gonna be good to themselves, to each other, and to society. So I'm 100% certain of that because we just put in every single day, every ounce of our energies to make sure that we're raising to good human beings. Yeah. So that you have some sort of a results down the road. And like with everything, like we would talk ten minutes ago about reading the book, five pages, three pages, how that is gonna really impact after going to the gym or changing the diet, or changing your ways. And this is all part of how to really overcome those imposter syndromes or other issues or confident issues that we all have that we go through life. And that was a good example with the kids. That's what we are. This is benign when you're a kid. But the thing is that gets really nasty when we get older. Yeah. In business, or when we're gonna now really be mean to other people because we wanna accomplish something or achieve something, regardless of how we're making someone feel. And it happens every single day. Yeah. And the crazy part is some people even go to bed like, it's okay. I just got it in order to get it done. Yeah. And and life shouldn't be like that. Because we all have these problems, these struggles to just go through life trying to hurt other people or try to achieve things just to step in on others. That's so bad. I hate that. Unethical. Or just because you have to feed your ego.

SPEAKER_02 28:16

Yeah. I don't I can't comprehend people who thrive off of that. That doesn't make sense in my brain and my world. I don't need to feed my ego for anything. I feel like I feel good when I raise other people up. The whole feeding my own ego for my own gain, benefit, whatever. I that doesn't resonate with me on any level. I feel good when I'm raising people up, which again leads me back to my why, which is I just want to help people. And I mean that I I want to help people who want to help themselves. I yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:57

But another thing that kicks in a lot of people is it's to be selfish. We don't we get jealous, selfish and jealous. And because let's say someone is getting a promotion, someone's getting more money, or someone met like this amazing person, and then let's say your friend or your cousin, whatever, is telling you, and then instead of just being happy, you still have this kind of really this kind of jealousy, or struggle with that a lot. It is a lot of people struggle with that because those that struggle with that is because man, what the fuck? I'm doing the work, and now you're all of a sudden you're telling me that you are making more money than me, or you're making this kind of money, or that you meet this kind of people.

SPEAKER_01 29:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:44

And then you feel like you you've been putting a huge amount of work on the side that no one is seeing. So you're basically sweating blood of what is it? Blood sweaters. You're really struggling, and then all of a sudden this, oh, I met this guy, or oh, I got his promotion and making 250,000 a year, and I go two days uh a week to work, you know, and we were like, What the hell? What the heck are you doing? You know what I mean? And it kicks in like in this ego trying to like so many things that really kicks internally.

SPEAKER_02 30:17

I do struggle with that, but I try sometimes. It takes me a few days, first few days when I hear news of something like that, whatever it is, who's the business is thriving or whatever. When like I'm struggling to do certain things, it will trigger me. And it takes me a few days, but then I'm like, why wouldn't I be happy for this person? They've been working really hard, they've wanted this really badly. So sometimes it takes me a few days, and I that is something I'm reflecting on within myself. Like, why can't I just immediately be happy for somebody? Because I see, let's say somebody posts something on Facebook or wherever. I'm so excited. Oh my God, this is happening, whatever it is. Yeah. And I see in the comments, people are like, oh my gosh, congratulations, that's amazing.

SPEAKER_00 31:06

And I'm like, I'm not gonna congratulate this one.

SPEAKER_02 31:09

How are how do they immediately get to that that feeling of being so genuine? And I know it's like genuine people because like I know certain of the people like I know.

SPEAKER_00 31:22

It's like I posted 13 seconds ago and then they're reply five seconds ago.

SPEAKER_02 31:26

But like certain posts like from people that I know, and like I know that person is genuinely excited for them.

SPEAKER_01 31:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:33

Why isn't that my initial feeling? Why is my initial feeling more of a jealousy? Or I'm like, I know they get that and I can't, and I've whatever. And again, that's something I am searching within myself and working on because days later or whatever it is, however long it takes me to.

SPEAKER_00 31:53

Congratulations, five days after in the post. You're the last one. You're reviving the post.

SPEAKER_02 31:58

No, I generally just don't. I'm kidding, I know.

SPEAKER_00 32:00

I'm kidding.

SPEAKER_02 32:00

I don't comment on people's posts. But now that I'm now that we're having this conversation, I'm thinking about it. And I am like a processor. I'm a person that needs to process things, whatever it is. Bad, good, means nothing, doesn't matter. Like I have to process things. So maybe that's why. Maybe I'm just like a processor, and that's why I can't immediately jump to a feeling of excitement for this person, but whatever it is, I don't know. But I'm thinking like, oh, gee, like they're having a baby, but I thought they were like struggling financially or having a bad relationship, and my mind goes to those things. Maybe it's more out of concern for the part. I don't know. I don't know what it is, but maybe it comes from a place of judgment. I don't know. But it is something I'm working on because I genuinely want to be happy for people. Yeah. And I feel like I have gotten way better with it from where I used to be.

SPEAKER_00 32:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:59

But I feel like it's normal.

SPEAKER_00 33:01

I know. I hear it all the time. It's a normal thing because we all are in this race. We're all competing to each other, believe it or not. And social media now is kind of making everyone to show the trophies.

SPEAKER_02 33:14

That's a good point when you say we're competing, but I'm not a competitive person. No, you're at all. Like, I don't give a shit. As long as you're playing the same game as me and you're being fair, I'm not competitive.

SPEAKER_00 33:27

Yeah, but there is like a inner race. Imagine that there's like a hundred thousand lanes. You're supposed to be on one of them. But you're like, I'm not there. You don't have your avatar.

SPEAKER_02 33:36

Now that you're saying it's boiling down to my own insecurities.

SPEAKER_00 33:40

My avatar is not there.

SPEAKER_02 33:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:42

And then you see the race from far away. Because I I don't post anything on social media. I like more like a sort of a private life. And if I do, it's just me when I capture the moment with my daughter or with you, whatever, not to really show off. Yeah, we all have this kind of weakness to kind of show off a little bit because we want to kind of show off desire. Because some people get too excited with this, oh my god, this place is so amazing. I gotta really post it, whatever. Because it's an experience that is kind of overwhelming. Your brain is getting you so excited you feel like the rush to uh share it with others, share it in social media, expecting that people will see it to share it in an authentic way, in a good way. And some other people kind of want to flex it. Oh, you know, you're in the Bahamas, you're in the Hawaii, that the freaking five-star, whatever resource. Some people kind of everyone has a different way to share these experiences. And some people don't give a crap. I don't care that we don't, I don't, yeah, we care at all. We don't post a lot in social media.

SPEAKER_02 34:40

When I do post, um if we'll check into a place, it's more I'm gonna be excited when I see this and my memories pop up like in a year. Like I literally don't post anything for likes or for to make people jealous or anything like that. I'm genuinely.

SPEAKER_00 34:55

And there are a lot of people like that, they just oh my god, they just love the likes, they just like the clicks, they just like the plenty of those in my yeah, that's crazy. And all this is part of the imposter syndrome, feeling confident with yourself, not good enough belief. Uh-huh. The ego kicking in, your conscience, mind that I just want to be accepted. We all want to be accepted. The thing is that sometimes we have these fears, or there's a lot of people out there that they struggle so much through their life. Because there's another face to this issue. There's a lot of people that they're suffering, they were suffering, let's say, for 15, 15, 20, 30 years, and they finally made it. Finally got a good job, they finally got a good partner, and they are so excited, they finally have this, yes, I can finally post something good. I'm so happy. And they're just excited to post it every single minute. They go to a restaurant, they eat and they order a dish, freaking french fries with cheese on top. They went. I'm kidding. But you know, they go to a restaurant with a great dish or whatever, and they just take a picture of it, and now they're posting the dish on social media. Remember that years ago you were like, What? Who does that? But people still do. They just put a post of their whatever they're eating, their drinks or whatever. And it's just because they feel like now this validation like finally made it. I'm here, I'm so excited.

unknown 36:23

What?

SPEAKER_00 36:24

Oh no, yeah, but yeah, I remember that we went to a cruise probably eight years ago. And then she was taking pictures of the dish, and you were like, who tells that? Me? And I no, not you. Somewhere at the cruise. And I remember that you were like, who takes a picture of the dish? And some people, every everything they eat, they post it. In this, I'm at this restaurant. And there's nothing wrong with that.

SPEAKER_02 36:46

Nothing wrong with it. And I don't understand why that triggers me, stuff like that. Like, I should just be happy. That person is happy taking a picture of their dish. And that was the point I was trying to make, is that's something I'm trying to work on within myself. That was my point of, you know, why I get jealous of people or something like that. Like, why can't I just be happy for that person being happy in their moments? I don't know. But I get annoyed like for the validation seekers and stuff. Like, that annoys the crap out of me or the one uppers. That's why I shut our daughter down.

SPEAKER_00 37:23

I can imagine again going back to the stupid dishes. You see the dish, oh my god, it is so great. You take a picture of it, you post it online, and you're getting a bunch of reaction, you're not even eating it. And then you start eating it, it tastes like crap, you don't even finish it. And then people are asked too late.

SPEAKER_02 37:39

You already posted it, and you're like, Who's the meal?

SPEAKER_00 37:41

And the meal was like, I got two bites of that thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's funny. Yeah. You were too excited with the looks. But there's a lot of people like that. But there's a lot of exercises out there to do for those out there that are looking like how to change these inner problems. Like now we've been talking about so many things, and I know some of these topics that resonate with a lot of people out there because every time I hear something, something kind of resonates with me and it makes me think about my life and how can I change it. There's a lot of tools out there online. So if you feel like today with this topic, oh yeah, I'm that kind of people. Yeah, I'm like that. But look at how tight, what kind of people you are, and then try to do some work and how to kinda work on those things. For instance, I like when I get up in the morning, the first thing I do, I I pray really quick, I do some meditation really quick. I try not to open my cell phone so I'm still kinda You wait till you're pooping. Half awake, not half half asleep.

SPEAKER_02 38:43

He waits till he's pooping.

SPEAKER_00 38:46

Seriously. Seriously, I was serious here.

SPEAKER_02 38:48

They don't poop in Colombia. He gets very embarrassed about pooping and party.

SPEAKER_00 38:54

Why are we talking about this though?

SPEAKER_02 38:56

Because it's real.

SPEAKER_00 38:58

When I get up in the morning, meditate and pray, trying to start my day. I have my cell phone next to me, discharging, but I'm getting emails for the night before and early in the morning. So I'm trying not to really open them. As soon as I open an email, your brain is gonna go that route. And I don't wanna go that route. You shouldn't go that route. You have to give yourself time to meditate or think about the day or pray, whatever you do. Try to find something that really resonates with you, and don't let the freaking cell phone take control over your day because it does. So my eyes are closed, but I'm waking up and I just kinda go with this kind of quick meditation, and I say that I'm gonna have a great day. Thankful for or thankful for, and then also I say I'm gonna have a great day. This is gonna be a great day. And at that point, I don't know what kind of crappy emails I have in my cell phone. But when I say that, I already setting up that it's gonna be a great day. So I start getting ready, and then yeah, I read the emails, and I even if I have a bad email or a crappy email that I have to reply or issue that I have at work, I already set up my mind that it's gonna be a good day. And that you have to do the same. That works so well, believe it or not.

SPEAKER_02 40:17

So what happens when you wake up and you're trying to be grateful and thankful for all the things and you go through the list of things that you're thankful for? I'm so thankful for my husband, I'm so thankful for my kids, I have two great kids, what a great life we have. I'm so thankful that I can I don't have to rush off to a job, I can spend my day learning, growing, building a business, whatever. Great. And then I get out of bed, I go in and I brush my hair, do whatever, get ready to take my daughter to school, and I walk out and the dog shit in his crate.

SPEAKER_00 41:00

But that's some something that you fix really quick and you just move on because again, Well ain't real quick.

SPEAKER_02 41:04

I gotta stop it. Let's let's go to take an hour. I gotta fucking reprimand the dog, train the dog, wash the bedding, wash the crate. I know, okay, but that shouldn't that's But that's what people experience where they get caught in traffic and the whatever.

SPEAKER_00 41:21

Like it's all about okay. Let me tell you my thing. Okay, I already did my meditation and saying I'm gonna have a good day.

SPEAKER_01 41:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 41:30

And I got freaking crappy emails. I have 10 emails they text, emailing me from 4 a.m. God's 7 a.m. waiting for me to reply. They're adding more shit to it. You know what I do? I get in the shower, I just let it flow. I'm taking a shower. I have no control over this right now. I'm getting ready. I'm gonna let it I'm gonna let it flow.

SPEAKER_01 41:49

So hard.

SPEAKER_00 41:50

And yeah, my brain is still in my head. I'm building an email. What am I gonna say? What am I gonna do?

SPEAKER_02 41:56

You should be in the moment in the shower.

SPEAKER_00 41:58

And then I have when I get to the office or when I send an email before I go, things always for some reason work out good. Instead of just me spiraling. Yeah. For some reason, I already said that it's gonna be a good day. And all of a sudden in a half hour and two hours, it's all resolved. And or whoever is assisting me with the problem or however the day is going, it's not going as bad. Because I already set up my mind. And that was really hard for me to comprehend before, because years ago I used to say that I'm gonna have a good day. Five minutes after I'll get a freaking shitty call from my family, whatever, and I'll be just pissed off for the day of the for the rest of the day. It's because again, I just let in those actions to take control over my day.

SPEAKER_02 42:50

So what I'm hearing you say is I have a lot more work to do.

SPEAKER_00 42:54

Yeah, you have a lot more work to do. Yeah, oh yeah. Because this thing works for me is wonders. Before I used to have a meeting every single day. I do have a meeting every single day at 8.30, and then when at nine. And then that meeting at nine, I was like, I can't and then just talk about issues and this and that. And I'm like, I can do this, man.

unknown 43:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:15

And then I was just setting up my mind that something is to change. Something I don't know how I'm gonna really do this. I just don't want to go every day at nine and just gonna talk about issues and blah, blah, blah, blah. And then for all of a sudden, weeks after, when I started setting up my mind that everything's gonna be okay, better, this is gonna change. Putting my thoughts into uh change. Yeah. The meetings got cut to Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Okay, that's better. Now I have a day to decompress. And then now that I know that those meetings are set and we're gonna talk about issues and this and that, I just go with my head that everything's gonna be okay. Before I would just draw. I know I'm going with a different perception, a different mentality, and then I go to the meetings and I just feel like everything is fine. Yeah, there's problems and crap when my mind is already set and everything is okay. It takes a lot of time to practice and to really believe it and to set that up because I know that something goes wrong in the morning sets the tone for you. Yeah, and that you shouldn't allow it.

SPEAKER_02 44:23

Which is something I'm really digging into and working on for sure, because you're a lot better at that than I am. Like you'll go to work in a good mood and you'll come home in a good mood most of the time.

SPEAKER_00 44:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 44:36

And I'm honestly quite baffled by that a lot.

SPEAKER_00 44:40

But again, that was a lot of work. I feel like I just let go. Whatever is happening tomorrow, you feel about 7 30, 7 a.m. And it's crappy. You feel like holding it. You hold it in your mind and you're holding it so tight. And then you're thinking the possible outcomes. What are you gonna say? What are you gonna do? What is that rock that you're holding? How it makes you feel? In one hour, you just fucking drain. You're like, Jesus Christ. And your mind is spinning over and over and over again because you're just holding it too tight. But when you know that it's there, just imagine that the problem is there, but there's like nothing around it, nothing is holding it. You acknowledge it. Yeah, there's an issue, but I have no control over it. And then you just let it go, you just don't take it to you because I was taking everything so personally that would just take me, makes me angry for hours, and I would be just upset and disappointed, and I was just to wonder why am I in this position? Why did I do wrong in the past? This is not for me, blah blah blah blah blah. But now I just have a different approach that I acknowledge the issue, I leave it there. Yes, upset me. I'm not perfect, but I don't hold it.

SPEAKER_02 45:50

So that that goes into, I don't think we have time for this tonight, but that goes into the whole topic of stories that we tell ourselves and the loops that we continue in. That's another great topic I would love to talk to you about next time because that's something I get very stuck with. Oh the stories we tell ourselves. Yeah. That's a whole topic in and of itself, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:14

Yeah, we will the next time. And again, this episode we just wanted to talk about the imposter syndromes. We talked about this, Kim and I, for two weeks. I was having a hard time with the word to really digest it, which because I don't really feel it as deep as you, Kim. I know I do have my phases where it's happening. I don't even acknowledge it, I don't even know that I'm having this kind of imposter syndrome going through me, but it's not as strong as others. I know there's a lot of people that really suffer with this. Yeah. And or to be confident to do something. Yeah, so there's always this battle and this always learning and growing that we just have to again push forward. And I guess very quick. Just go online, type it. In the near future, we're gonna start up in our website. We're gonna have some tools for you guys so you can download and things that actually work for us, nothing complicated, very simple. So you can read it, just kind of set the tone. That's all you need. Yeah, and this is something when you read it, if there's a video or whatever where we're gonna upload up there, because we're working on the content, it will be something that is just actually worked for us that we're gonna put thug into it, something that is actually very simple to do. Just read it, just try to apply it. You're not gonna lose anything.

SPEAKER_02 47:32

We would also love to hear about your experience and anything you might have to say or questions, and you can always email that to us at ken and kimpodcast at gmail.com. We would love to hear from you because I love learning from everybody else's experiences or just our own stories, experiences, whatever you got, share them with us. Right on. I'd love to continue learning and growing with you guys.

SPEAKER_00 47:59

All right, right on, Kim.

SPEAKER_02 48:00

All right, take care.

SPEAKER_00 48:01

Take care, bye bye.

unknown 48:02

Bye.

SPEAKER_02 48:03

Hey there. If you like this episode, please like, share, and join our community. And check out our website at Ken and Kim Podcast.com for free tools and resources. We'll talk to you next time.