The Mens Round Table Series - "The Challenge of Connection"

What happens when nine men from diverse backgrounds – coaches, veterans, authors, and ministers – gather to discuss their deepest struggles with connection? The result is a soulful, candid conversation that cuts through the noise of traditional masculinity.

"The Challenge of Connection" delves into why modern men struggle to form authentic bonds in a world demanding constant strength and performance. 
The roundtable doesn't shy away from uncomfortable truths. What makes this conversation extraordinary is how it transforms from identifying obstacles to offering wisdom. The men explore how quality connections require discernment, intention, and courage – deciding who deserves access to our authentic selves.

Whether you're struggling with isolation, questioning what real connection looks like, or seeking to build stronger relationships, this raw, honest discussion offers both validation and practical insights for navigating the complex terrain of male friendship and vulnerability.

Listen now, then share with the men in your life who might need to hear they're not alone in their struggle to connect.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to Men's Roundtable Series
• 6:32 Meet the Panel of Men's Leaders
• 22:37 Why Men Struggle with Connection
• 31:40 Fear of Transparency and Rejection
• 43:39 Building Trust in a World of Betrayal
• 58:44 Quality Connections vs. Quantity
• 1:08:28 How Men Enter Rooms and Engage
• 1:12:39 Supporting Each Other's Work and Growth

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:45

1, 2, even now, around the world, men like us that have issues and real struggles, real mountains to climb. We come together once a month and we talk about those issues in this safe space that we call the Men's Roundtable Series. So I'm excited. I'm Mr U I guess I'm your moderator, your host, all these awesome men sharing lives and bring some stuff down and get transparent and have a good time, and so I'm excited to be here with you guys. All right, quick introduction your name, where you're from and what are you doing. Let's go, jacob.

Speaker 2: 1:15

All right, yeah, my name is Jake Seabock, a men's coach and a speaker, a men's group leader and the founder of Modern Manhood, where we challenge traditional notions of manhood and get men connected more deeply with the people that they love by helping them connect with themselves. And then, just yesterday, I launched moderndayquestcom, which is what I'm super stoked about. It's my seven-step journey that helps you move from a state of disconnection to showing up authentically in a life that feels like your own, doing what you actually want to be doing.

Speaker 1: 1:53

I love that. I love that. What were you next brother?

Speaker 3: 1:56

Thank you. Thank you for having me on man. I appreciate it.

Speaker 1: 1:58

It's great to see all you guys that I've interviewed.

Speaker 3: 2:01

I think I've interviewed almost everybody on this panel so far, which is really, really cool. Um, yeah, my name is Rory Paquette. I, uh, I have three podcasts. I've written two books, uh. And um, I'm a life coach for men. I work with veterans also and um, I also coach podcasting, uh, to anybody who wants it, man or man or woman. And um, my flagship, my flagship project, is Power of man podcast.

Speaker 1: 2:24

That's my biggest and my best, and it's the one that's the most near and dear to my heart. Other than that man, I'm just happy to be here. I love the Power of man podcast. I wish I could be on there once a week. I love it like that. Really good stuff. Brian, you're next brother, come on.

Speaker 4: 2:37

Hey everyone, thanks for having me. I'm Brian Kurian. I am the owner of Brian Kurian's Business Services. We offer premium ghostwriting, grant writing and business consulting to entrepreneurs and industry experts. So typically one of the biggest pillars that we offer is writing or ghostwriting books, business-oriented books or memoirs, again for entrepreneurs and industry experts. Those are typically my people or my tribe, but we do work with a lot of nonprofits as well and small to medium businesses as well. So thanks for having me Excited to share my insights.

Speaker 1: 3:13

And that man has just become a two-time dad. All this stuff in the media about men and what men don't do this man is doing his business. He's taking care of his business. They're all men out here that are all doing that. Ryan's a great example of that. Lee, you're up next man. Go ahead, lee.

Speaker 5: 3:27

Hi, I'm Lee Freeberg. I'm an author, not a coach. I'm a product designer. I'm in the process of starting my own business called Freeberg Design and Automation, which I'll develop products and bring them to the market, license them out. I've also authored a book called how to Live a Better Life. I believe that these are information things that are not taught in school anymore, and it's directed at teenagers and mom and dads. I'm also in the process of writing a second book called how to Be a Better man, where I address the weak man all the way to being the strong man, the father, the leader of the home. That should be coming out next year sometime. I'm still in kind of a writing process of that Former Navy. I was in the Navy for eight years, went to Iraq in 2007 with the EOD Explosive Owners Disposal and then just kind of been just working on my journey since then. That's my story.

Speaker 1: 4:24

I love hearing about the week man. Hopefully we get a chance to hear that during this broadcast. I can't wait for you guys to hear about that. Nick, let's go baby.

Speaker 6: 4:31

Hey, I'm Nick Ferloni. I'm the founder of Valor and Vision Coaching for men and veterans. I'm also the men's director and minister at my church locally as well. Director and minister at my church locally as well, and this will be actually my second men's program at a church that I've founded as well. I'm a 13-year veteran in the Army two tours to Iraq, ranger paratrooper, all that good stuff. So, yeah, my hips don't work as good as they do. You know, the jumping out of airplanes kind of did me, did me in a little bit. But, you know, definitely here to help men grow, uh, move forward in life and then, on top of that, help them understand, uh, who they are in Christ. Uh that that identity struggle and definitely a lot of us that you know transitioned out of the military, uh went through some kind of identity struggle, and so I'm here to help you understand that you didn't lose your identity, you just mislabeled it. Wow, I love that.

Speaker 1: 5:30

All right, big man, felice, you got a little bit of feedback on your line, but talk to us, let's hear you. You can figure out what's going on. No, can do, brother, go back out and come back in. I'm going to let Peter talk and we'll come back to you, all right? All right, mr Cater, go for it.

Speaker 7: 5:58

Hi, I'm Peter. I'm a farmer, slash preacher, slash book writer. So my background is I was living in South Africa for 47 years, running a ranch for 27 years and part-time preaching and ministering at men's retreats. And I relocated to the US four years ago and I'm preaching and I'm helping at men's retreats and I'm running a farm for the church. So that's the short story.

Speaker 1: 6:27

Very good stuff, man. You are doing a fantastic job on all of those fronts. Man, we're excited to have all you guys in the house. My guy, felice, should be back in here in a little bit. Hopefully we'll get him going here the great story too. But let's kind of jump into what we're going to be here talking about, man. You guys know what's going on in our world. You see what's happening. You guys are talking to men across the board, in your neck of the woods, in your local communities and neighborhoods and circles of influence. You know what's going on.

Speaker 1: 6:56

I think, as a man, we got to own this particular topic. Last month's topic had a profound effect on a lot of people, non men included. But the challenge of connection is it's so huge to me. I want to jump into this as soon as we could, cuz we'll take a lot of time probably to get through it. But we got a problem with connected man and it's. I've yet to hear really good answers as to why that is. So I'm gonna kind of open the floor for you guys. Talk about connection, your experiences with it, share some stories. I'll keep it as deep as you can so you can let other guys come in If you've got to come back around again, maybe know a hand or something or, I guess, a hand emoji, whatever works for you, and we'll get back into it. I want to hear everything you've got on connection so you can start popcorn style. Who wants to go first? Man, let's go ahead and kick it off.

Speaker 4: 7:47

I can go first. Go ahead.

Speaker 1: 7:52

Take a beat first and then talk.

Speaker 4: 7:55

I gave everybody a second and nobody was timing it, so I was like all right, let me break the silence here.

Speaker 4: 7:59

No I personally, I think one of the biggest challenges with connection is it's kind of a couple, I guess, multifaceted things. So connection for me definitely became a bit more challenging when I had my first kid he's five now. That was during COVID as well. First kid he's five now. That was during COVID as well. So you know, the world is kind of seeming to implode everywhere around me and we decided to bring a kid into that. So that was awesome, and so at the time it couldn't have been better, had to make adjustments and find unique ways to connect with people.

Speaker 4: 8:40

And I think it can be even more challenging as you get older in this life if you're blessed enough to be able to get older in this life Because as men today there's so much responsibility on our shoulders. It just kind of feels like it's never ending. You know so, between trying to take care of your family, for those of us that have a business or multiple businesses or hell, even a career right, a day job, there's responsibility that's attached with that too. So it just seems like it's kind of like an endless list of responsibilities. So often it's easy at least it has been, but I've gotten much better with it over the last few years. Often it's easy at least it has been, but I've gotten much better with it over the last few years.

Speaker 4: 9:28

It's easy to kind of put connection and your own needs to build that community and foster and cultivate those types of relationships on the back burner time and time again, until, unfortunately, with some of us, it gets to a point where you don't have very many nurturing relationships left. You don't have hardly anybody that's pouring into you anymore, because you yourself haven't really been pouring into anybody else besides the people in your home and your loved ones. Again, not to sound morbid, I'm just a blunt person, but that I've seen that happen with a lot of people I care about. Um, the second they have a kid or launch a business or what have you. Or, god forbid, a parent starts getting sick and they have to maybe step, potentially step into that type of caretaker role.

Speaker 4: 10:15

Or if your significant other, um, you know, gets ill or injured or what have you, a lot of times we put ourselves on the back burner and our own mental health and relationships just don't seem to be a priority when there's other people we love, that we want to take care of, you know. So we put everybody else first. I've tried to do that time and time again, but I also have had to learn not to not to just let me fade away. You know, and I've had to. I've had to work on my own self-awareness over the past few years to to get better at that.

Speaker 1: 10:48

You should have a few things I think are powerful, man, but I want to hear from some of the other guys man, who's up next? Yeah, I think that's.

Speaker 6: 10:55

Oh, I think you're hitting the nail on the head.

Speaker 6: 10:59

Or if you I mean at least if you're living in America, and I'm I'm hearing it it's the same across the world really.

Speaker 6: 11:07

Uh, our economic situation has breeds those second and third order effects where you know, we're charged to provide, you know, and that's that's not just a Christian perspective, that's across the world. Um, you know what I mean? That's just a cultural thing that men are there to provide and protect uh in the home, and so we have that idea of, oh my gosh, we need to do this, but we're having all these economic pressures, Just like Brian said, we're going to give up of ourselves to take care of immediately other secondary things that we well, we prioritize them as secondary uh, like community, like good fellowship and friendship that is there to pour into us, so we can pour back into uh and also not only just lead our home but lead our community. Uh, because ultimately, I think when our communities get better, um, everything gets a lot better instead of just our home. If it stays within our, within our four walls, uh, we're in a hurt box wow.

Speaker 1: 12:08

All right, rory, you're next yeah, thanks, man.

Speaker 3: 12:12

Um, I I really agree with brian and nick, both and everything. Both you guys said I'm a empty nester. Uh, you know father three and they're all grown and gone, so you know, I've kind of been through a lot of what you guys are talking about. Uh, to answer the question, though, honestly, I think the reason that we don't connect today is we can't. As soon as we open ourselves up and I interview hundreds of men for my podcast and I've heard this a lot, it's a very common theme as soon as you open yourself up, you get beaten with it, you show weakness and it gets turned on you. Your wives are out there saying, hey, I would love it if my husband opened up more and he would share more. And then, as soon as we do, that's held against us and it's weaponized. We don't have enough safe places.

Speaker 3: 12:56

I think a lot of the guys in this call are creating safe places for guys to come together as brothers and say, hey, man, this is what I'm dealing with, and you're talking to another guy who's going yeah, I'm dealing with the same stuff. How can we do better? How can we handle this? Because you know, at home with your wife, with your kids. You can never let them see you weak. They would absolutely rather you die on your horse than fall off. And as soon as you let them see you weak, you've not only let them down, but you've opened yourself up to persecution, and I think there's a lot of that being thought in our heads. Whether it's true or not, or right or not, we're all facing that, and so we need more safe spaces, we need more brotherhoods, like what a lot of these guys are creating, like what I create, and so on and so forth, and I think that helps change.

Speaker 1: 13:37

Yeah, I love the mindset there, ward, and I hope that what we're doing with this is kind of accomplishing that in our own little corner of the world, because that was the whole intent of this. I've heard the same cries, man, and this is why we're doing this, so hopefully you know, you can let me know later offline if it's going good or not, but this is the idea, though. All right, who's up next?

Speaker 2: 14:00

Yeah, I can jump in. I'll piggyback off of what Rory said there, because I think you're looking at two different things here. You can look at quantity or you can look at quality of connection and yes, quantity is scarce, there's no question about that. But that quality is what Rory was talking about there. One of my favorite coaches in the popular space, his name, is Joe Hudson. He says we can't truly connect with another person if we're constantly managing their perception of us, and it creates this really interesting dynamic right Whenever I'm trying to uphold a certain role or identity or responsibility, I'm not actually showing my true self.

Speaker 2: 14:45

In my opinion, true connection is about truly being seen as the person I am and not the person I'm pretending to be. So if I can't allow myself to be seen for who I truly am, I'm not going to feel connection, even if I'm sitting here talking to you face to face. There's a quote that I love. It was E Lockhart who said that love is giving someone else the power to destroy you and trusting them not to use it, and that can be a scary thing. And allow ourselves to be accepted for who we truly are. We have the opportunity to actually feel connected to another person in that really authentic way.

Speaker 1: 16:18

I love that. All right, I want to give a chance to let our police jump in. Police quick intro name city what you do. And then the question we asked on the floor why do you think men struggle with connecting? So this is your time, brother, go ahead.

Speaker 8: 16:33

Apologies everyone. I don't know what's going on with my blue Yeti lately.

Speaker 2: 16:36

Any suggestions.

Speaker 8: 16:37

Yeah Well, now I'm on my phone and Bluetooth, which is, you know, it's not my microphone and you know. But anyways, any suggestions? Please leave it in the inbox. It's given a buzzing sound. I don't know what's going on. I don't know if it's the court.

Speaker 1: 16:53

Anyways, let me try not to take it. You know what's next, brother, put it in there, oh Lord.

Speaker 8: 17:02

Back to the iPhone and AirPods, but hopefully you can hear me right. My name is Felice Matthew. I am a therapist, a chaplain and a consultant. Felice Matthew, I am a therapist, a chaplain and a consultant, and basically I help couples, leaders and organizations speak clearly, listen effectively and connect deeply. I think communication poor communication is the number one problem in any relationship. I've seen that since I was an orphan at age 13. And that's really what I've been focused on for the last few years. So I don't think it gets talked about in depth enough, and I think it needs to, because it's hard to have unity in any type of relationship without effective communion.

Speaker 8: 17:40

Cation is what I like to say. It's corny, but I like it. It communicates the message A little bit. You said, oh, lack of connection. Yeah, man, look when you grow up an orphan. If you can picture a kid growing up an orphan, his mother dies of HIV, never knew his real father. A few months later, his stepfather gets murdered in Haiti. A few months later, his granduncle dies Within a year.

Speaker 8: 18:11

I was an orphan. If you can picture that kid, then everything that you can Google about me today makes sense, because I was thrown into the world of relationships. You know now, as a counselor, I understand when trauma happens to us. We either go away from it or we go towards it. What do I mean by that? Well, my trauma was lack of family. So if I went away from it then I'd have problem having any type of relationships. I'd have commitment issues. It'd be very, very challenging to have a relationship. But I've been married 15 years so I think I've mastered a little bit the art of war. But no, I became obsessed man.

Speaker 8: 18:44

I was a kid at 13 who had a Nintendo controller in one hand and men are from Mars and women are from Venus in another hand. Some of you might know that book. If you know you're, you're up there in age, but that's an equivalent of probably the five love languages today. You know that book was, was a pillar to everything and I was that 13 year old kid looking at that and what I realized was when you grow up under the context that God allowed me to grow up to kind of produce in me what he wanted to produce in me for his purpose, you realize a lot of things. And what you realize is that people didn't deeply connect in relationships, especially if you had a lot of family, right. You kind of take it for granted. So here I was a kid with no blood relatives. The only blood relatives I have as a 41-year-old man, it's my three-year-old son that's turning four this year.

Speaker 8: 19:35

I realized that a lot of people take relationships for granted. They don't connect, they don't know how to connect, they don't know they're not connecting, and I was thrown into that world and realized that it's just like somebody mentioned I can't read on this tiny iPhone I think it was Jacob, but that was one of my favorite quotes for a long time. Trust is giving someone the power to destroy you, and trusting Well love is giving someone the power to destroy you and trusting them of not to. That was one of my favorite quotes for a long time. And the reason for lack of community is that a lot of people are not willing to go to that place. Right, and to be fair, you know, I come from the belief that we're all sinners, so every relationship is going to produce some type of side effect of sin which is pride, arrogance, like so many things that we can talk about as side effects of sin and that comes into relationships and people are not willing to go through that hurt anymore. Right, people are not willing to go through that process of can I trust you? How much can I trust you, you know? Are you going to be there? Are you just there because of what I can do, what I can give? Are you there when I can't give you? That's a scary process, you know. And now you add social media, you add all the, you know the climate, you add finances, you add stress, you add all these things, the fact that there's even more barriers between making that connection, and even more so for men.

Speaker 8: 20:54

Right, because women have that community. Women are the women, are the people that are going to watch these relationship movies and read these relationship books. But men are told suck it up, buttercup. I was in the military too, so that's where I get that from. I served in the Navy, so suck it up, buttercup. Youka, be a man, don't cry All this stuff that we're conditioned to be. But women are naturally conditioned to be relational in a way that men not. So now, where do men have an environment to? Hey, we love our wives, we love the women in our lives, but I was taught that all have fallen short of the glory of God, and that includes both genders. So we don't have an environment for us to really be able to vent on what we go through with the opposite sex. But women have a community of that and then when we voice it, what do we sound like? Oh chauvinistic, oh feminists, oh we hate women and all this stuff. Well, no, so I think there's a lot of variables to it, but I'll land my plane on.

Speaker 8: 21:54

It's just challenging to go to that place. It's challenging to go to that place and give someone that trust, that insight into your flaws and imperfections, and I think that's the biggest problem in the church, which is why I became a chaplain. You know I love our churches, our good churches. You know they're good apples, they're bad apples, but I think churches just the environment of a church means I have to present myself a certain way because if I don't, you're going to question my leadership or my role in God and my walk. So now I can't share my flaws.

Speaker 8: 22:23

But you know, god has blessed our online ministry tremendously and we have a lot of audience online who are begging for transparent relationships. They don't care about your doctrine and your history and your traditions and they don't care about that. I'm not saying it's not important, right. I love the word of God. That is the foundation of all my thought, all my counseling, all my behaviors, all my habits. But they don't care about your doctrine. They care about connecting to the transparent person and I think the environment in church is hard to do and I think chaplain and I think someone said it too serving outside the walls is why I became a chaplain, because I think the community needs us more than programs in church nowadays. Come on now.

Speaker 7: 23:05

Thanks for letting me catch up, that's all.

Speaker 1: 23:07

I got to say that's good. Now the point that you made, felice and Rory, I want to come back to that. I want to let Dustin jump in. Dustin, name what city you're in and what are you doing. It could be your podcast, whatever work you're doing. Then the question was what's one reason why you think men struggle to connect? I'm giving you all that stuff real quick. Go ahead, Dustin, go.

Speaker 9: 23:30

Got it. My name is Dustin. I go by DL for the sake of my podcast, the Low Life Show. I'm in Vallejo, california Bay Area, and I'm also a digital marketing consultant.

Speaker 9: 23:41

Why do I think, men struggle with connection? I think that's a twofold question. I'm going to start with one thing perceived expectations. We think about, like I know, like you said, right, the era that I come from, men had to be a specific thing. This was the model of a man. You weren't allowed to cry, you weren't allowed to whine about yourself, you had to take care of business. You had to do all of these different things. Even if you weren't capable of doing them, you had to find a way to do that. I also think that, in that same regard, when you think about perceived expectation, I meet you, right, I think that you have the same definition of what a man is, because you were raised in the same era. So I'm going to perceive that that's what you believe to be of me. Right, I'm a man, so I'm going to have to fill those shoes. Still, right.

Speaker 9: 24:36

But the second part of it is fear, right? You've just touched on that, mr Chaplin. Fear of betrayal, fear of loss, fear of hurt, fear of pain, right, and then fear of cancel culture. You think about today's society. It pushes so many different things, right, and we can even go to the church. There are some churches that will push it to be a specific kind of way that may or may not be theologically correct, right, we see so many different people acting so many different ways. Yeah, and it's honestly like I think about myself, man, and I've got a very checkered history. So in a church context, I've got a checkered history. I'm super transparent with my congregation. Um, most of them love it. Some of them give these looks like, uh, like they can't trust me, maybe, right, and, and I think I personally don't really care, you know, because I know who I am, I know what I stand on, I know what I'm founded on. I know the truth, right, and it's not my truth. My truth, his name is jesus, right, but people don't understand things to be the same way, right, we? We look at, uh, the proverbs trust in the lord with all your heart. Lean, not into your own understanding, right, I don't. I don't really care what the world understands to be true about what a man is. I don't care what the world understands to be true about what masculinity is. I know who I am. I know who God made me to be.

Speaker 9: 26:01

Right two folds that I brought up is is knowing that, knowing your identity in Christ and having it not found it anywhere else. You know we tend to like. I'll use my father as an example. We lost my mother, um, about eight years ago. For 40 years he was with her. His identity was founded as her husband and our father Right. And now here he has grown up kids and no wife. Who is he? And I see him today not being so sure of himself, not being so confident, because he doesn't have that connection with the church. He doesn't have that connection with God anymore, you know.

Speaker 9: 26:50

But I think that to be true with a lot of other men out there. We find our identities in something rather than in the person of Jesus. We find our identity in a job right, and if we don't have that, there are a lot of people that are in the unemployment line, a lot of people like myself who are ex-convicts who can't get jobs right. I used to have my identity founded in a job. My connection was perfect that way. Hey, nice to meet you. I'm a labor manager. I do all these great things, I make six figures. That's my identity. I can connect now.

Speaker 9: 27:21

Once I lost that, I had zero opportunity to connect with anybody, you know, until I started walking again with God and it was like, okay, now I could connect with everybody because there's one universal truth, right, his name is Jesus, and I know him now. But prior to that, my identity was found in anything that the world thought was good, anything that would make me popular, I guess right, anything that was opposite of council culture that was accepted by society. So, yeah, I think, I think I know that's a whole lot of a lot of stuff to say, just to say that, you know, it's the expectation, it's the fear, and then it's just the landing on. Who are you like knowing who you are? And I don't think a lot of us. I mean, I must speak for myself and I know a lot of people I don't know.

Speaker 9: 28:12

Know about everybody in this room, but it takes a while for us to know who we are, and until we do know who we are, how can we truly connect with anybody? Until we're comfortable with that, how can we do that? I mean, we all, at one point or another, had a secret that we didn't want to get out. We had something that we didn't want to get out, right, we had something that we didn't want people to know because that might make them look at us differently. Like that's still, we're putting up a false perception for ourselves, right we're? We're putting up that wall and we're saying, okay, I'm going to have them perceive me like this and then I'm going to assume they perceive me like this and that's, that's going to be our connection. It's not going to be real. You know, that's the, that's the. I don't know if that's a long mouthful, but that's my answer before anybody jumps in.

Speaker 1: 29:00

Uh, if you guys are watching, listening when jumping to our on the youtube channel, so you can kind of join the conversation, the link is in the comment section. Along with that is that quote that. I believe it was Felice that quoted that. It was attributed to E Lockhart, but it says love is when you give someone else the power to destroy you and you trust them not to do it. That's the one, right, okay? So, felice, yes, oh, no, I was going to say I didn't say that first.

Speaker 1: 29:29

think it was jacob that said that first oh, I won't give credit to the wrong person. My bad, jacob, sorry. All right, but in that vein, uh, and felice, jacob and wolvey kind of jump in here. I think we all know and we've seen it. I've seen it in my own life. It's not really it's nothing that we haven't seen before, but we know that if we open that door, that transparent door door, and say you know what hey, this is me, I made it all out here. We know we're probably going to get smashed. If the media in the world doesn't smash you people who are in your family, who think masculinity should look a certain way, their version is probably toxic and Jacob and I talked about that yesterday. But you know you're probably going to get assaulted a bit. So honest question here for you guys Do you guys actually fear allowing that door to be open?

Speaker 1: 30:19

And if you do and you're honest about that how do we push past that? Because when you guys reference Jesus and that quote along with, it kind of lines up with that for me. Jesus had the opportunity. He was with somebody who he knew was going to betray him. He turned his back on him plenty of times you know what I'm saying and went to sleep with him under the same roof. So it was like it wasn't. The trust factor was wide open. Do you guys fear actually doing that in the place that you are now in your life was wide open. Do you guys fear actually doing that in the place that you are now in your life? Do you fear being that transparent with people about you know what you're dealing with and what you're feeling, your emotions and all those things? And if you do, how do we push past that? So two-part question there. Anybody can jump in whenever you think is uh fitting, go right ahead. I don't yes real quick.

Speaker 6: 31:08

I think ultimately a boy is down to trust and you know we lose trust in buckets but we gain it back in drops, you know. And unfortunately when somebody burns us it's really hard and then it's a human condition where we kind of categorize it and we just go that person burned me. So now I'm just going to be picky with everybody. You know it's difficult to trust a lot of people when even one or two people burn you and so that makes it difficult and I would say even in my context, personally I'm just more choosy. I don't, I don't disregard it and I have to also make that mental understanding that everybody is different.

Speaker 6: 32:34

This person didn't burn me, it was the other person that burned me. So I'm but the, you know that still sits in your head, it creates that fear and then it goes. This person going to do that Is that. You know those kinds of comments. So you have to turn that around and say this person is different and they've already proven Like I have a good friend that we were just talking before this and saying that we've proven to each other to hold each other accountable and trustworthy for each other. He hasn't burned me like that. He's always had my back. He had my back when somebody did burn me things like that, and so that, okay, I'm going to. I have to be very intentional with who I am and I am not trusting, and so that's kind of a big deal for me.

Speaker 7: 33:19

Okay, If I can add something, Go ahead For me. I'm very intentional who I connect with and I mean you connect deeper with some people and other people. You will not connect the same deeper with some people and other people. You will not connect the same. And I mean on the farm I'm not going to leave the gate open if there's a jackal coming to the sheep. I mean I don't care how smart you look, I know your intentions and it's the same with people. You have to be careful with people that you can see that they don't have good intentions and you have to keep the gate closed. I'm not hating you and I'm not not transparent, but I know your intentions. So I'm going to keep you away from the flock and I'm going to keep you away from me.

Speaker 7: 34:00

But it's important. A lot of people don't have connections, deep level of connections. At the beginning they said you know you cannot connect with. A lot of times people don't share their weaknesses with their wife. With me it's a little bit different. Blanche knows what I am and whatever I struggle with, I'll share it with my wife. But not everybody is the same on that.

Speaker 7: 34:20

But it's good to have one person or two or three people that you have a really deep connection with and you can use them as a lightning rod as well. When you go through struggles and difficulties. You need to communicate with them because you might have a blind side that you're not aware of and if you have that group, they will strengthen you, they will help you and pull you forward. So that's very important and a lot of times people say they they don't have time for connections. Honestly, the truth I was running 22 guys worked for me in Africa. I was ministering. I was running 16,000 acres. If I plan, I can add you. A lot of times we say to a guy at Chet's, oh, we should grab lunch together, and you never do that till the day. You say, okay, let's take out the book and write it down what date, and then you plan and then you do it so we can have connections if we plan it and we write it down and we're intentional on getting it done. That's what I want to add today.

Speaker 1: 35:18

I love that, peter. Thank you, sir. That's great man who's next I got to Please.

Speaker 8: 35:23

I don't fear transparency at all, man. I got to be honest with you. No, I don't want to sound like this. You know, whatever man, I'll give you the layers of how I came to that One. I think God just made me like that environment, my biography I was a kid trying to fit in Right Because I had nobody.

Speaker 8: 35:43

You know, as a counselor, I understand that, clinically speaking, no other relationships forms the neurons in your brains like the relationships between your parents or your caregiver. It's called the attachment theory. So, however you interacted with, those relationships is going to be the model for every relationship where my immediate family was gone, so my sense of identity, who I was belonging to something was gone. So I came in trying to fit in everywhere, right, like who am I? You know, who's going to accept me, who's going to treat me like family? That was the backbone of who I am and I understand the power of transparency. I've connected more with people. I mean God has blessed me to connect with all types of people, people I never thought I would connect to people that I had. No, I had nothing similar with them as far as what they're doing, who they are. It's just because of my transparency. This is who I am. You know who are you and that's how I've always approached it. That's just how I raise.

Speaker 8: 36:41

Now I'm not going to say that it's not hard sometimes or challenging. Sometimes People do use stuff against you. People will take this little piece of you and automatically think this is your entire character. But if that was true, true, then all of us would be like that, because everybody has something. So you know, right, it's funny. Then I gotta think about the doctrine of sanctification.

Speaker 8: 37:00

A lot of people don't understand that. A lot of people think you're a christian and you're perfect. But nobody was perfect in in scripture except jesus, and yet jesus used all those imperfect people to do a lot of things. You know I what I mean. So it's like I understand people don't go that deep. I understand relationships to people might just be humor and working out and that's it. And then I understand. So it's like I was malleable to who people were, without changing who I was, because at the core of who I am, I just don't have time for superficial relationships, not to say that I don't have them, it's just I don't invest as much in them as the deep relationships, because I understand the power of transparency. I think that's one of the tools that the Holy Spirit uses to transform lives and build connections, and these biblical conversations lead to gospel-centered conversations when you're able to be that transparent.

Speaker 8: 37:56

I think in the culture we live in today, I think that's where a lot of churches fail is that lack of transparency. And I think this next generation, that's gonna be the next fathers and mothers and lawyers and doctors, and that's what they're craving more, because they were coming from a generation where you don't talk about this, you don't talk about that. Do as I say and don't explain this. Just stay away from this. And if you tell a cartoon character not to push a button and you don't tell them why, you know, I mean like that's just, that's just not a good model. So transparency, doesn't fear me. Now I will say, uh, what? Uh, mr nick'm sorry I can't read everything on that. I think that's, nick, you're good.

Speaker 8: 38:34

He said what I've had to learn over the years is that not everybody deserves that from me. So I did have to become choosy. I thought every relationship had to have this component to have. So I was over here trying to be that with everybody. And even the Bible talks about not throwing pearls before a swine Right that concept there to be that with everybody. And even the bible talks about not throwing pearls before swine. Right that concept there.

Speaker 8: 38:59

So it's like, okay, whoever you show me you are, I'm not going to judge you or condemn you. Now I know how to act in relation to you, right, and what pieces, and some people see that as fake or whatever. But that's not. You don't go to a job interview talking like you talk to your own boys. There's a time and a place for who you are to present it. There's certain parts that you reveal to other people. Now, if you're revealing a complete contradiction, that's different, right, you can't say you're a vegetarian. Then I just seen you at a buffet going to Corral to end up chicken. That's a complete contradiction.

Speaker 8: 39:27

But you know, I leave room for sin because we're in the flesh. I leave room for failure because then I can exercise grace and God helps me. I need grace every single day. Just this morning I had a thought like, ooh, a four-year-old kid. I just had to remind myself he's four. I had to remind myself. So, forgive me, give me the grace, but nah, transparency is needed. It's hard, I'm just selective with it now, but I don't. There's nothing that someone can can talk to me about that. I won't talk about. It's just if I'm going to talk about it with them, and for what purpose. Do you just want to be nosy about it, or is it going to add value in your life or answer some type of question and lead you closer to crisis? How I see it now?

Speaker 1: 40:11

Okay, before everybody else jumps in, I don't normally do book recommendations, but one of my top five books is by Dr Rob Thompson. I believe he's a doctor. Rob Thompson, the Ten Critical Laws of Relationship taught me about how to vet people for a relationship. I thought that was insane Vet people but now that I've read it and I've understood it, I wish I was doing that 30 years ago. It would have changed my life dramatically. So 10 Critical Laws of Relationship by Rob Thompson Definitely check it out. All right, who's up next?

Speaker 2: 40:42

I'll jump in. Come on Now. If you're doing book recommendations, I'm going to throw this one out there.

Speaker 1: 40:47

Let's go, baby, let's go.

Speaker 2: 40:50

Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown. Chaplain, you just said something about. You said fitting in and use this word transparency, and said, is about assessing a situation and deciding who I need to be, how I need to show up in order to be accepted. But belonging requires me to be exactly who I am and to be accepted anyway. And you know to answer that question, uh you, about whether or not I'm actually afraid to be transparent. The answer here is it depends on where I'm operating from. What am I identified with? If I'm identified with this need to be accepted at all costs, then yeah, I fear that rejection.

Speaker 2: 41:49

But what I've come to realize is I've started to become more aware of the true cost to me when I make that trade. And it's a betrayal of myself, if I'm honest with me. It's betraying myself in a transactional sort of way, and I've actually got this mantra in my life now and it's that rejection is my friend. Rejection is a filter because you know it used to be that a younger Jake, that guy was fishing with a net. That was. It had the tiniest little holes in it and I was catching sardines and anchovies and all these tiny little things. And, man, I had a lot of acquaintances and I was accepted everywhere. But those are tiny little fish and you don't get full on those things.

Speaker 2: 42:36

You know, what I really wanted was the big catch, and when I found my identity and the person that I wish to be, I realized that rejection is like opening those holes in that net up and all those tiny little fish fall through and what's left? What's left is that big one you've been after all along and that's where that true connection happens. So, to come back to Brene Brown again, she says that our capacity or our ability to experience true belonging is directly proportional to our capacity for vulnerability. Right, that idea of transparency and allowing others to see us. Vulnerability right, that idea of transparency and allowing others to see us. You have to put yourself out there and I think those moments where I do find my fear, it's because I'm identified with. Well, what can that person do for me? Do I want to keep them in my life in this transactional sort of way? And if it's that, well, I'm, I'm, I'm moving down the wrong path and it's not the one that's aligned with who I really am.

Speaker 1: 43:37

I love that. I love it. All right, Brian, Rory Lee, what you got guys, Come on.

Speaker 4: 43:41

I can. I can speak on this for for just a moment. I think I'd like to. I'd like to share a personal experience. So I definitely resonate with what Jacob just said. When I I was younger, that was very much me um, one of my roommates in my first roommate in college. Uh, he said, man, you remind me, he's a big war? Buff history, buff his dad. Actually, long story short was um fought for italy way back in the day. And uh, he said man, you, you're like, you're like the, the bomber pilot. Right when you're, when you're out there making friends, you just bomb the whole field, man. And so, like, everybody gets a ripple effect, right, everybody ends up becoming your friend. Uh, you're likable, you're nice, you're funny. Everybody wants to be brian's friend, everybody wants to party with brian, drink with him, have a great time. But then when you really need people, where are your quote-unquote friends.

Speaker 1: 44:36

Come on, there, you go, there, it is.

Speaker 4: 44:40

When he hit me with that. It hurt me, you know, because I actually got really upset with him and then I apologized literally by five minutes later because he was right. He was right, I think I was. I wanted so much for people to see me and to enjoy being around me that I didn't realize I seemed to always have my guard up in certain ways and I was wearing a mask, right, I didn't realize I was and maybe I didn't, I didn't want to admit it and I think, especially as I've gotten older and man, especially after I launched this business.

Speaker 4: 45:28

So year one of this business, it was very much bombing the whole field, right? Just like my roommate Mike told me man, if I can help you and you could use the help, come on in. There's plenty of room for one more, right, there's always room at the table and I'll work with you and I'll make money and I'll take care of my family and you'll be happy because I served you and I'm going to get along great. That worked about 95% of the time 90, 95% of the time. Every now and then someone would trample on my boundaries, be disrespectful, try to take advantage of me, try to lowball me. Didn't really appreciate the value I was bringing to the table, but I had already invited them over for dinner, so to speak. They were already at the table. Now it's a lot harder to tell them. So sorry, it looks like my wife didn't make enough for you, please leave. It's harder to have that conversation when you've already let the person come in right. I like that analogy.

Speaker 4: 46:21

I know you do, I'm very hungry, so there's going to be some food analogies here. Please bear with me. Everyone, let's go.

Speaker 1: 46:27

Somebody didn't have breakfast, okay.

Speaker 4: 46:29

Yeah, man, I've been fasting. I have breakfast. Okay, yeah, I've been fasting. I've been fasting all morning. So, with that being said, year two, here we are. I'm very transparent, man. I'm very transparent. You can ask Mr Yu here. He's one of my current clients. I'm brutally honest. Here's what I'm going to need from you After I learn about your goals, your dreams, your vision. What are we looking to achieve here? Where do I fit in? Do I fit in? Because I'm not going to try to stick a square peg in a round hole, right, that's okay if I don't, it's okay.

Speaker 4: 46:59

Happy to refer you to someone who probably could help you better, potentially, you know, in this situation. But if I can, if I can help you, here's how I'm going to help. Here's what I'm going to ask of you. Here's the timeline of when I need this stuff to get done. If you say you're going to do something, I need you to do it. If you ask me for some support, you ask me to do something and I don't do it.

Speaker 1: 47:18

That is never okay, doesn't matter if you're in the street, man, yeah, man I'm telling you, I'm telling you don't put me on the street now, I won't I won't put all your business out there, I won't put on this and

Speaker 4: 47:30

he's. He's. If I ask him to do something, within 10 minutes the thing's done. It's incredible. I wish more people were like that. Seriously, the man is proactive, but that is the type of people I want to work with. That's the type of people I want to invite over for a meal and to have conversations like this with, and I don't have any interest in saying sorry, we didn't make enough for you. We'll find a way. We'll find a way to make sure you're fed to. You deserve it.

Speaker 4: 47:58

And so, while I've helped less people this year than I did last year, my quantity is down because I've helped the right people and I've cast the right nets. Like Jacob said, the business has almost doubled since last year. I'm way happier. I mean, I was. I was a static last year because I, you know, I'm an entrepreneur and I'm living my dream. But I'm even happier this year. I have better people in my life. I have better clients, like like Mr you. I'm making more money. My family's better off, great, I'm serving the right people, right. They're happier that they met me too, and there's a lot less of those trampling of boundaries, disrespect, neglect, um, accountability not happening. You know things that really bother me. Um, just have a better net, you know, and a better I guess a better boat to fish in, a better spot to go fishing. Um, better people sitting around me, you know, eating with me and having the right kind of conversations.

Speaker 8: 48:55

So uh, it's just all about being transparent and showing people who you really are.

Speaker 1: 48:59

You know, I love it, brother lee.

Speaker 5: 49:00

Come on, drop it, man, all right well, I'll tell you right now, I've got enough notes here from just this conversation to probably do like a whole 30 minute speech here.

Speaker 2: 49:11

Um, but I'll just I'm gonna try to here.

Speaker 5: 49:13

But I'll try to make it quick. Typical military, right. I'm going to go back to the original question, the challenge of connection. Right, the first thing that kind of came to mind, and then I reiterated it later, was why are you trying to connect, like what's the purpose of the connection Are? Are you trying to connect Like what's the purpose of the connection? Are you just trying to connect with anything kind of like that carpet bombing, make friends, whatever else? Or are you looking for specific quality people who then can come alongside you and work with you in the direction that you're going?

Speaker 5: 49:51

And when I look at this screen ahead of me, that's exactly what I see. I see a group of men who've come alongside each other and we're all going a direction and we're trying to support and build each other up in this crazy world that we live in. Right, we all have different backgrounds, we all have different aspects and mindsets and we can contribute to the group, this men's group, in different aspects and build each other up. And that's the point of the connection, right, like Rory and Mr, you and Brian and Nick and you guys, each one of you guys has a different life aspect that helps one another grow together in a connection in a group, and why do we need this?

Speaker 5: 50:33

And then it was the second question why do we need the connection? Well, I haven't lived the same life as Mr you or Rory or Brian and Nick or DL. You guys have lived your own and you've seen things that I haven't seen. But in the same aspect, I've seen things you guys haven't seen. And so as we build a connection between this, where there are nine of us in here, as we build this connection, we can lean on each other for an experience or advice, and that really is like the point of the connection. As I matured in life, I began to realize that something that's already been said quality over quantity. Right, I used to be the guy who had. I was friends with everyone, I had lots and lots of friends, but then, when the time came to pick up the phone and say, hey, man, I'm in trouble, I need your help, nobody answered the other side of the call right and.

Speaker 5: 51:29

I realized that my friends were just mirages, or as I call them, leeches. They leached off my generosity but I gave willingly and so it kind of came back to me. I was the problem because I let everybody in and I never had a filter to filter out the ones who did belong and those who didn't belong. And I hate to say this, but sometimes in our own personal marriages we have selected somebody to walk alongside us who doesn't belong there. And now that you know, in a Christian community we don't believe in divorce. Divorce isn't even an option for most Christians Some maybe. Whatever your opinion, but in my life, divorce isn't an option.

Speaker 5: 52:18

And so I chose this person to walk alongside of, who doesn't align with my actual goals and intentions direction I'm going, and so I feel like I'm dragging this person alongside me when, in reality, what I need to do is become a better man. The more, the more I became a better man, the more my wife actually began to come up beside me and now wants to stride with me because of the man that I became or I am becoming. And so, as mike, we were talking about earlier about self-awareness, and I personally don't think we need to be fully self-aware to begin to develop those connections, but we need to be aware of who we are as a person. We need to know some likes, dislikes, we need to know where our triggers or what sets us off. We need to know these things so that we can control ourselves. And as we begin to control ourselves, we're going to release the control from around us, because one of the notes.

Speaker 5: 53:16

I made here. The weak man has a hard time making connection because of three things Control the weak man wants to control everything, but not himself. The weak man is full of pride I'm better than you, so why would I connect with you? And then the ego I would never connect with this person or I would never do this. And that's what the weak man does. And as a weak man, we fail to make those connections because the connection is only one-sided Give me what you have, give me what you have. Where the strong man gives of his own, gives back and he doesn't care about.

Speaker 5: 54:06

I'm not connected with Susan, but Susan's in need. And so I'm going to give of myself, because I know that giving a little bit of myself actually is going to come back in heaps and mounds and in my maturity and in my growth as a man. I can give a little without giving connection. I can counsel without bonding necessarily.

Speaker 5: 54:23

And that kind of came back to this what Rory said, talking about a brotherhood. Right In this brotherhood I don't have to come to Mr Yu's house and sit at his table and eat his food to be connected to him and to want to share with him and to want to give back to him even though I receive nothing back from him. It's because we are in a brotherhood of men together. And I've got one last, oh, here's my last point Are you trying to connect or build rapport? Because rapport just means we can do business together and we have similar common interests, whereas connection I'll tell you guys about my porn addiction and not feel ashamed of it because we have that connection between us as a group, as men. I hope that contributes well.

Speaker 1: 55:21

It does. That episode is coming up later on in a few months or not this week. But Warby, come on brother.

Speaker 3: 55:31

Yeah, thanks guys, and I'm glad I got to follow Lee there. I liked, uh like what you had to say about the um, you know, when you're leading and you're you're becoming better than your wife chooses to come along with you, you know, type of thing. Um, leading is a big part of, uh, what I think we're all called to do. So I appreciate those, those thoughts too. I like what everybody's had to say. I'm a little different on this topic. I got to be honest with you because, um, the, the whole topic of whether or not you're afraid to become transparent and so on, we're all kind of operating under the idea that being fully transparent is some sort of virtue or that's the goal, and I don't think that it is all the time. I think it can be, and in a lot of instances, like you guys have talked about, I understand where you're at.

Speaker 3: 56:14

I've always operated from a different perspective. I look at you, know my mission. I look at my responsibility first. I look at my role first. If I'm sitting here with you guys, then my transparency is very different because my role is different. My responsibility is different. If I'm at home, if I'm leading my family, which is what I'm called to do by God, then you know I don't need to.

Speaker 3: 56:39

If I'm transparent and in me being transparent I am somehow scaring or putting fear in or hurting my wife or my children because now they have to carry my fear or my feeling of inadequacy or any of my feeling of weakness, I am not helping them, I am not serving my purpose, I'm not serving my, my higher power and my mission. I'm not serving God in that way. Uh, I believe that as men, as fathers, as husbands, were called to lead our families. Uh, first and foremost, before anything else. I also fully believe that you know the people who depend on you have to be more important to you than you are to you, and I know that flies in the face of all of the self-help and everybody. You got to fill your cup first and you got to put your mask on first.

Speaker 3: 57:29

But you know, if me unloading my problems, if me being transparent in my life to those people makes their lives harder or worse or more fearful, I am absolutely not doing my job, I am absolutely not serving as the leader of that unit, I am absolutely not serving my calling from God in that instance. And so to me, no, I'm not afraid of transparency. I decide I make an absolute decision to not be transparent and I take a lot of pride and I get a lot of strength from that decision to not be transparent in those circumstances. So I'll keep it short. I just want to throw that in there for consideration.

Speaker 1: 58:14

Oh, I love it. I love it. One thing that's funny about these kind of conversations I always forget to share something. I'm asking questions and I never answer any of the questions. I'm not sure this is going to change today because I'll be almost out of time. But that book that I share with you guys, that's a big deal for me because that's what I learned about. But that book that I shared with you guys, that's a big deal for me because that's when I learned about assessing value to who I am as a person, who I am as a man, who I am in all the relationship spheres that I have in my life ministry, family, community, et cetera.

Speaker 1: 58:48

For me, I think I'm kind of on a frame of mind as well. I don't have a problem being transparent. I think just coming from my hometown of New York City, speaking my mind isn't really an issue. I have to tell myself not to do that in certain settings because I know I'll blow up somebody else's world. I'm not trying to really do that For me. That's not really a hard issue for me. I've been transparent in most places, but now I'm learning how to measure that learning. I've been transparent in most places, but now I'm learning how to measure that, learning how to decide when this is a good time and maybe you shouldn't blow the whole world up so you can make a point. So I'm kind of just learning how to adjust those things and kind of just be wise about that.

Speaker 1: 59:26

But I want to ask one final question and then I want to ask something of all you guys that are on the call left. Try to answer this with as much brevity as possible because of the time constraints. This could be a fun question. This could be an agonizingly painful question. I don't even know. I'm going to ask it anyhow. When you're in a room full of people, specifically other men, are you an active engager or are you a passively waiting to be engaged person? What's your approach to that?

Speaker 6: 1:00:00

Well, I think just, yeah, I don't. I think I read the room a little bit up front. Um, I think if there seems to be a lack of leadership in the room of like what's going on, I'm probably going to definitely jump in. Uh, if it seems like somebody is running and going with the lead and has this under orchestration, like you're doing a great job, mr Yu. Like running, this right here, then there's no need for me to jump in. I kind of observe, and maybe I'm hanging by my buddy and that's about it.

Speaker 1: 1:00:31

Wow, okay, anybody else. Real quick, if you don't have an answer, that's fine, I think it depends on the room.

Speaker 9: 1:00:36

Man, just like Nick said, it depends on the room. You got to read the room, take back and see who's who before you know who you got to be for that crowd of people, right?

Speaker 1: 1:00:47

I love it. Thank you Anybody else.

Speaker 8: 1:00:50

Yeah, it's similar to read the room. Being transparent to me is not just say, hey man, I stepped on a roach, I put a firecracker in the chicken's butt yesterday. No, that's not exactly what I want. To go into that environment and do that. Being transparent to me is you know, I'm not in their environment. To take how I want to be, I want to present myself. It don't matter what environment. I may feel like being funny that day, so I may be just a person doing random goofy stuff just to break the monotony of networking. I may just do that on purpose, just to get people the monotony of networking. Like a book. Yeah, because people, hi, I'm this and that and I'm this and that, all right, cool, okay, yeah, but it depends on how I want to show up. It depends on how I want to show up. That's what determines it. All right, rory Jake.

Speaker 1: 1:01:43

Peter.

Speaker 2: 1:01:44

Yeah, I'm kind of similar to these guys. If I'm in a room, I'm more of a leader in lieu of a leader. Right, if no one's showing up, I'll jump in and make it happen. But there is definitely this quality to me where, if I'm just sitting at home and I haven't had a connection in a while, I'm the guy who's like all right, I'm going to go out and I'm just going to find a stranger to talk to. I love that, and in those situations I just kind of sit back, ask questions and get to somebody else's story. So there's a, there's a big part of me that loves that too.

Speaker 1: 1:02:21

I love that. What about you, Peter?

Speaker 7: 1:02:29

Yeah, Peter, go ahead. I mean, you can read the crowd, but a lot of times when I start talking with people, that's where I start to know what you're like. So I like to engage with people when I get to a crowd.

Speaker 1: 1:02:42

I can attest to that he's a very active engager, without question, RP go ahead.

Speaker 3: 1:02:47

Yeah, I would say that I'm definitely capable of engaging. But I think I would enter a room the same way that I podcast engaging. But I think I would enter a room the same way that I podcast, I go in there with and I try to basically just present kind of a quiet confidence. If there's no leader, I'm definitely going to fill that void. But I allow other people to either take that lead and do that or they kind of come to me because I'm just sitting there trying to be quietly confident, so it's one of those things. When I'm podcasting, it's the same thing. If I'm just sitting there trying to be quietly confident, so it's. It's one of those things. When I'm podcasting, it's the same thing. If I'm hosting for somebody, you know, like you've done today, brother, you know, I let the, the guest, do the talk and I let them present their stuff because it's not about me in that moment. So, and when you're truly confident in yourself, every moment doesn't have to be you know.

Speaker 1: 1:03:37

It can just be about the people that are there and you can participate quietly and enjoy it. I love it, man, thank you. Usually after the show is over, I hear so many more things than when the show is actually going on. You probably will on your platforms as well. You probably get a question that nobody at the gum center asked while we were live. No judgment, it is what it is. I hope that we tackled connection in a positive, responsible way. Kind of hard to tell what kind of impact we had, but I hope that we were able to start reaching that topic.

Speaker 1: 1:04:05

This was our second broadcast. The first one was a super high bar. The reaction was incredible. I'm really hoping that we are gaining momentum. We'll be talking about connection with a fantastic topic to come out of the gates with for the second broadcast. So you guys did a fantastic job. I really commend you guys. If I had a hand clap or sound effect, I'd be doing it right now, because you guys deserve that.

Speaker 1: 1:04:31

I want to ask something of you before we go off of the air. I sent you guys all private messages asking you to continue to pray, continue to make this a priority in your daily and weekly prayers, because there's a lot of things that come with this to do something like this A lot of warfare, a lot of things that happen to men in their lives and in their minds when they even think about engaging in a place like this. Because this transparency, connection talk it doesn't go without conflict from the adversary. Just to be honest about it. This, this is a big work and it's not something to take casually. So thank you for praying and for continuing to even share that with your people in your sphere of influence. I want to ask you guys you know we said from from the first episode I made it clear that I don't want to be passing out business cards. This is not going to be that I don't want this to be, that you can do that on the side, outside of this venue. But I want to ask each of you and try to do it as brief as you can, please try to do that for me. Tell us how we can support your work or support you personally. I don't mean like subscribe to my YouTube channel. I don't mean pass my link around. I want you to think a little bit differently, more broad than that. How can we support you? Because, at the end of the day, outside of all your business interests and all of the things you got planned, all your groups and everything, all your podcasts, you're a man that obviously needs support, needs connection, and you have big roles and responsibilities in your life, but we still need each other. So if there's no answer from you, it's totally fine. But I want to just ask all you guys to kind of share popcorn style, like we've been doing. How can we support you? How can we support your work? What do you need from us? Is there anything that we can do to help you? So hopefully that question makes sense. If you don't have an answer, no problem, we can talk about it offline. But before you answer that because we're going to end the show with that but before you answer that, take the time after the show goes off air.

Speaker 1: 1:06:32

Say hello to the panelists that are here, say hi to them on social media, whatever. Just say hello. You ain't got to do anything, you ain't got to ask a whole bunch of questions, just say hello, just connect, because that's what it's supposed to be building a community. So say hi to folks, say great to have you on the show with us as a panelist. Hope to see more of your work later on. Hope to hear from you soon. Just say hello and we'll catch up soon. You know? Whatever, just be intentional about that, because if you don't do that with all we're talking about, it kind of didn't make any sense. What were you doing? So just looking to say that. But in regards to the question, how can we support your work, go ahead and jump in there. Just know what you're thinking and what you need.

Speaker 9: 1:07:17

Go, you're thinking and what you need? Go, I'll say prayer, man. The power of prayer is something magnificent. Just pray for me and pray that God's will be evident, that his glory will be reflected. Yeah, and there would be more of him and less of me.

Speaker 1: 1:07:31

Good stuff. Consider it done, dl, who's up next?

Speaker 2: 1:07:38

I'll jump in. I would just love to have some more conversations with you guys. You guys are in the men's space. This men's work is so important, and I've got blind spots you guys probably don't, but I do and there's always so much to learn from other people. So I'd love to keep the conversations going offline here and learn what kind of work you guys are doing and how you're engaging with men in your own lives.

Speaker 1: 1:08:03

I love both answers, man, Fantastic. Thank you, Jacob and DL. Go ahead. Who's next?

Speaker 6: 1:08:09

Yeah, I'll jump in there. I mean it's, you know, 100% prayer, right, like that's automatically there, and I think for all of us on here that's probably an automatic answer, it should be it is, and it shouldn't be the cliche thing either.

Speaker 6: 1:08:25

It's like no, seriously, you know, because we believe in God's work in our lives. The other thing I would absolutely be just like on Jacob, like on a business perspective, like, hey, man, I'd love to know what's working for you, how things are going, like sharing tips and tricks and all sorts of stuff back and forth. And then on the personal side, kind of the same thing you know, how are you doing personally, how are you holding up running a business or running whatever you know ventures that you're going through personally? Um, how are you mitigating, um, you know the stress and the pressure? Uh, and all of that because I think entrepreneurship is completely different than a lot of other facets in life. So and I'm kind of new at it, so that means call me please fair fair, go ahead.

Speaker 7: 1:09:17

Uh, let's see great, oh, someone else going peter without you yes, for me it's uh, yeah, prayer for that god will open a way for me in america. Uh, I will appreciate that and I just want to share quickly, for you know, in south africa that mighty men conferences and where men will get together, and I think, the biggest one, where they got together was 1.2 million people for three days. So I've seen that conferences where we have a million men on a farmer's land and they're sharing and praying for each other and encouraging each other, so that was awesome to witness.

Speaker 1: 1:09:55

I love that. Wow, thank awesome to witness. I love that.

Speaker 8: 1:09:58

Wow, Thank you sir.

Speaker 1: 1:09:59

That's awesome.

Speaker 8: 1:10:00

Great question, mr you. Great question On the personal side. You know, tell me my brush. Thanks, you know like okay.

Speaker 8: 1:10:08

If you see, if you see something online, if you see something through our conversation and it's not leading, who may be watching that towards Jesus and developing sanctifying character. I take that so seriously. I grew up believing that the wise seeks the multitude of counsel, so I love people seeing things about myself that I don't see. I'm not always going to agree with everything you see, because sometimes you may be wrong, but I'll always consider these factors and what people see. So I'm always thinking about not misleading the people that God has called me to lead. So, yeah, call me out, call me out on things or bring things to my attention. Give me the opportunity to get some gum in my mouth. You know what I mean. So, on a business side, keep your ears open for how I could serve the people God called me to serve. I've been called to serve couples and equip them for marriage and help them overcome the number one problem in marriage, which is poor communication, through a model that we created that does character change through sanctifying work and not just character like communication tips and the reason I bring that up. I don't want to sound so cliche and this is just business. I grew up orphan, thinking that God made a mistake with me. I grew up thinking that I was the only mistake that God made. That why do I have this bio? And nobody I've ever met had this bio? I was the only person that walked in the room that had no blood relatives. So when I realized that God called me to be a counselor and he equipped me, you know, and gave me the bio, gave me the people and gave me the passion and obsession, I found purpose. I found my identity in that. So I take it so seriously and honestly and I'm not even trying to say this to put shade there are not many churches that I know of that are doing what me and my wife are doing online. Our blog alone gets like 10 to 50,000 hits a month. I wrote every article 150, 130 something, articles from dating to marriage and I only bring that up to say that this generation right now needs the gospel-centered tools to deal with relationship problems, and a lot of churches don't even have marriage budgets Right. So it's like you know I really care about that space. I found purpose in that space.

Speaker 8: 1:12:32

So if you hear an opportunity to speak, teach, you know whatever. I love that space. I found purpose in that space. So if you hear an opportunity to speak. Teach you know whatever. I love that space. I love the relationships that are built around that space. That is me, that is what basketball to Jordan was Relationships, marriages. I'm telling you you have no idea how obsessed I am. So any eye or opportunity or ear that you have to kind of serve that space, shoot it my way, let me know. Thank you, I'm glad you didn't say LeBron.

Speaker 1: 1:12:57

God bless you All. Right, rory, call us out brother. Me too, that would have set me off today, I would have just left the call. Me too, I'm the host.

Speaker 3: 1:13:08

I would really just love to see everybody here Pray for everybody here. I would really just love to see everybody here pray for everybody here. Spiritual warfare is very real. Masculinity and fatherhood and all these things that God sets up to protect and to provide are under the gun. They're on fire every minute of every day, even when we don't see it coming. So we're all working on our own version of that. We're all working on our own version of spreading God's word, and I'd love to see all of us just pray for you know, all of us, because I think we all could use the help. None of us are perfect and you know we're all going to be under fire at some point or another.

Speaker 1: 1:13:43

I love that. This is one question I am going to answer. I mean, it's easy to say you know what sub the YouTube channel, listen to the show, follow on a listening platform and leave a review. Those are things that we all that are in podcasting and in content creation and media we need that. That's just a big duh.

Speaker 1: 1:14:02

But what I'm asking for from you guys is that we continue to establish the connection. I have everybody's phone number, but I feel like we can connect more. We can do more Some situations where a real life coffee can work. There's some areas where a virtual coffee works fine, but let's just stay connected. I want to know what you guys are doing. I want to hear what you guys are dealing with. A couple of you guys have already jumped ahead of that and you're already starting that. You're staying up with me and we're talking about some real life stuff and we're getting into it and it's good and it's helping us really connect to that way, when we have times like these, our hearts are aligning and I really want that. So that's what I'm asking for from you guys that are on the call and those that have to jump off that may still be listening. That's what I want, man. Stay connected, stay up, man. I Everybody has to talk about their responsibilities and what we mentioned from the outset of the show, about our responsibilities and, if we have time I think Brian mentioned that too About what kind of time we have.

Speaker 1: 1:15:04

Let's break all the excuses and just do what we can do. If it's just a shoot, a text, I'll say hey, man, I'm a little short on time. I got 15 minutes. Can we chat for a little bit? Let's just do it. No excuses, let's just get it done because it's that important. I think this broadcast today kind of proved that.

Speaker 1: 1:15:21

Thank you guys for all that you did to contribute to this broadcast. Fantastic stuff from all of you guys. I'm very impressed with all of you. I'm excited about even watching more of your work and being involved in what you're doing, because doing cuz man, you guys are really good at what you do. I'm excited. But we're gonna go ahead and hit the the outro button and get this cool music playing, and this link is already live chat, so it's already out here shareable so you can get hold of it. Ah, stream, your does it a little differently, so we probably can.

Speaker 1: 1:15:54

If you have seenYard, you probably see the audio pop up where you can go ahead and send it out and everything. But hit me up if you have any problems with that. I'll try to do my best to help you out there. But beside that, man, thank you again. I'm proud of you guys. I love you guys. Man, I appreciate what you did today and all people watching and listening. I hope you were listening, hope it's been something to you. We're sending out some this replay out to all of our friends and family and associates people who we know need to hear this. We'll do our part. You make sure you do yours and keep on listening. All right, have a great day. Thanks again for watching the men's roundtable series and the challenge of connection. Bye.