Military Wellness Collective

EP 49: Real Talk on Early Marriage in the Military- Special Guest Episode Part 1

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You can love your Military man deeply and still feel thrown off when the schedule changes again. We sit down with two young military wives, Tatum and Breely, for a candid Part 1 conversation about what early marriage looks like when training, duty days, and deployments shape your calendar more than you do. From “we said I love you two weeks later” to “48 hours after we started dating, he left for a year,” we talk about why military relationships often move fast and what that pace can bring up emotionally.

We dig into the real transition points: inconsistent work rhythms, the temptation to expect a perfect “Hallmark husband” while he’s carrying mission demands, and the pressure many spouses feel to prove they’re doing enough. We also talk military spouse employment and why having a job doesn’t make you less supportive, plus how remote work can be both a game changer and surprisingly isolating when you’re home alone and your spouse is gone.

Along the way, we share what actually helps: communicating without overpromising, learning to say, “I’m sad, but I’m OK,” leaning on faith, and finding community that speaks truth with love. Part 2 will pick up with a question we didn’t have time to answer yet: what are the joys of serving as a military wife? Subscribe so you don’t miss it, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a review with the best advice you’d give a new military spouse.


SHOW NOTES:

What questions or topics do you want us to discuss on the podcast? Email your ideas to hello@militarywellnesscollective.com

Looking for a local church? Check out these helpful websites:

1. Home - 9Marks

2. The Gospel Coalition (TGC)


Connect with our hosts:

Brian O'Day at Brian O'Day – The Christian Life, Military Service, and Adoptive Families all in one place.

Brittany Brown at Blog | brittanybrown

Pillar of Jacksonville

Pillar Church of Topsail - Home

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http://instagram.com/militarywellnesscollective


SPEAKER_04

Hey y'all. Welcome back to another episode of the Military Wellness Collective Podcast. I mess that up every time. I even give our email out wrong. Anyway, you probably know who I am if you've been listening for a long time because I do that. I'm Brittany Brown. I'm going to be your host today. And it's summertime in eastern North Carolina. And I'm going to be joined by Brian O'Day. I guess. You're going to notice Joshua Brown is

Summer Setup And Guest Introductions

SPEAKER_04

not here today or Kelly O'Day. However, Joshua Brown is in studio. He just doesn't have a mic in front of him. Kelly is traveling and on vacation. Lucky her. But we're going to do some special episodes the next few weeks. And we're going to have some special guests. Today we have two of my favorite ladies. Tatum. Hi guys. And Bree Lee. Hi. And we're going to talk about a topic that I think will be helpful to everyone since y'all are our main demographic young military families and wives. And we're going to talk about the young military wife life today. Yeah. Sounds like a good topic, right? So Brian and I are going to kind of head this up and it's just going to be a casual conversation like always. And if you have questions for the next, you know, few weeks or so, you can send those to hello at military wellness collective.com. At hello at militarywellnesscollective.com. We'd love to hear from you. So gals, I'm just going to ask you, you guys decide who you want to go first. How long have you been married to your husband?

SPEAKER_02

Go ahead, Bruce. You want me to go first? Okay. Um, we have been married a year and a half. This December will be two years. We've been, we've known each other for four. Okay. Which is crazy. Um I'm kind of going to the story. Yeah, yeah. How

How We Met Our Marines

SPEAKER_02

do you? Um, I met him in Washington, D.C. when he was at TBS. He started OCS January of 2022.

SPEAKER_04

So your husband's an officer in Yes.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

Just not any of you who aren't familiar with those terms.

SPEAKER_02

He's a captain in the Marine Corps. He's a logistics officer. Okay, very cool. So we met when he was training Quantico. I was working in DC at the time. We met at a bar on a random Friday night outside the Marine Corps Commandant's house in Washington, D.C. Funny enough, I lived right across the street. They do little parades every, not little parades, they're very cool parades. I mean across right across from the street.

SPEAKER_00

Yep. That's cool. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

What was the bar you were at?

SPEAKER_00

Lola's. Okay.

SPEAKER_04

That wasn't where Pillar DC met for a while, was it?

SPEAKER_00

No, that's not where Pillar DC. That would have been a great day. I know. That's what I was like, wait a minute. That would have been on the summer. Yeah, that's great. Okay.

SPEAKER_04

Okay. Sorry. Continue on.

SPEAKER_02

No, you're good. Um we met one Friday night and we said, I love you two weeks later. Okay. And very military. When you know you didn't very military. Um he finished his training, got stationed here at Lejeune that October 2022. I moved back to Texas for a little bit that year and then ended up moving here December 2023. We got engaged January 2024 and then married December 2024.

SPEAKER_00

Very, very cool. So when you choose to live across the street from Marine Corps Barracks Ace and I, are you looking to marry a Marine? Any idea what's going on?

SPEAKER_02

Like what No, my mom just thought it was really cool that they could somehow protect me if anything went wrong. She legit went up to the guys who sit in the tower on the corner.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And was like, hey, my daughter just moved in. Like, oh my god. If something happens, like, do you guys come protect? They were like, man. Like, I'm sure they said like yes to get her to go away. Can we get her number? That's right behind us. Yeah, like your daughter does not thought the count.

SPEAKER_00

No, I we need to interview your mom today. I love that part of just because that's why Marines exist, right? Like you're here to protect people, right? My daughters, like protecting the daughters.

SPEAKER_02

Right there.

SPEAKER_00

Yep.

SPEAKER_02

She's like, this is her. Um, so she was speaking some truth there. But no, I wanted nothing to do with the military wife life. And here we are four years later.

SPEAKER_00

What were some of your what was some of that I want nothing to do with that life?

SPEAKER_02

Oh, I just didn't grow up around it. Okay. Um, and when we met, I was really focused on me and my career. I was working in the House of Representatives. My goal was to be chief of staff for the White House. Like I always thought my parents joked, like, we were gonna need a nanny. I was gonna need a stay-at-home husband, like I was full career. Yeah. Um, and also, I don't know, just didn't want the like unknown seemed scary. Yeah, yeah. Um now here we are a couple deployments later. Like, oh gosh.

SPEAKER_04

Extended deployments and other things. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Wow. Okay.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

All right, Tatum. How long have you and your man been married?

SPEAKER_03

Oh gosh. We've been married a year in March. So yeah, a year and a couple months, give or take. We met at church, which I I love this.

SPEAKER_04

I love the different stories.

SPEAKER_03

It's like the O Days and Uh. I did not want to meet my husband at church. I just thought that was so cringy. Yes, I was like, oh, that's so gross. But he showed up so gross. Yes, it's just the like Christian cliche. Like, oh, I met him at church.

SPEAKER_00

Because we were a pastor.

SPEAKER_02

I was like, you tried calling your pastor, you met at a bar.

SPEAKER_03

I just feel like there's some spice there. We would have liked some spice. Anyway, we met at church, and and I was like, Yeah, he's I like him. So we started talking, and then 48 hours after we started dating, he left for a year. And it was about eight months, and then he came back. We got engaged, and three months later got married.

SPEAKER_04

So yeah, when you know you know that sounds pretty spicy. You said you wanted spicy. I mean, that's kind of wild because living on the wild.

SPEAKER_03

And the same, I feel like I Brelee and I talked about this because we were both kind of like in weird relationship time frames at the same time. She was about to get engaged, and I was like finding out I really like this guy. And when we talked, we were like, Oh yeah, the two-week I love you, Mark is is real because we did the same thing. Yeah, it's like you have to when you know you know, you have to do it quick. Yeah, you have to kind of move fast because you don't know what time looks like.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah, because we military guys like we're we're gone. I mean, we are gone, so you gotta move quick.

SPEAKER_04

So you're married to a Marine too?

SPEAKER_03

I am, yes. He's enlisted, he's been in for I think nine years. I don't know. I've only been there for a year of it. And this is our first duty station. We'll be here as long as he's in. So Okay. Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_02

And Brelee, are you guys here how much longer? Um probably like nine months. Um, Jonathan is getting out of the Marine Corps next May. I say as of today. I've learned from the point. Like as of today, this is what's true. It's a good statement. I like that. And he's been in four years, so we'll be close to five at the end. And we've been here in Saint's Ferry the whole time.

SPEAKER_04

Okay. Okay. So you both have different experiences and how you met your Marines? Yes. Yeah. So Brian asked a really good question to Britley Tatum. Were you looking to marry a Marine? So you said you didn't want to meet him at church. So but were you, I mean, you are in a church with multiple Marines. Just so all of you listeners know, Tatum is our oldest daughter. So she lived the Marine Corps life and married a Marine. So were you looking to marry a Marine?

SPEAKER_03

It's a complicated question, I feel like, because my initial answer is no. Because, you know, like having dad in the military my whole life, like, I was like, like, they're gonna be gone a lot. And I saw you like walk through that very gracefully, but I was like, I'm not that graceful. But at the same time, there was this tandem of like, I remember the Marine Corps is the only career I knew a guy could have.

SPEAKER_02

And so you know, like I remember you being so like what would Jonathan do if he gets out? I was like, anything else. What's a normal job? I don't know.

SPEAKER_00

Become a pastor. That's all that's all you know is you serve in the Marine Corps. Marine Depaster become a pastor.

SPEAKER_03

And neither of those I wanted. So I was like, nope. But I was only around guys in the Marine Corps, and yeah, that was the only career I knew. So when I met Caleb, I was kind of like, yeah, it'll just make sense. But it wasn't necessarily something I was looking for.

SPEAKER_04

Uh tracks. I just have to ask, this is such a girl like question, but did the uniform get either one of you? Do you like the uniform?

SPEAKER_02

Oh, the uniform's great. Okay. Um, I will say the haircut kind of offset the uniform sometimes.

SPEAKER_00

I don't know what you're talking about.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Um really looking forward to when it doesn't have to be cut every two weeks. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Every two weeks? What's going on in the Marine? Sorry, every week. Every week.

SPEAKER_02

I'm not gonna not gonna get him in trouble. Yeah, every seven days. Um but I don't know.

SPEAKER_03

With Caleb's job, he didn't really wear it. So I remember when we were dating, I was like, Do you wear blues? Like, and then he was like, Oh yeah. And I was like, Well, can I see? Because I knew I was never gonna see him in them. Yeah, and yeah, he doesn't really wear his uniform. Maybe. Which is sad because I do.

SPEAKER_00

I feel like I got in blues like twice a year.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Maybe on a on a year that I wore them a lot.

SPEAKER_03

Which is sad because they're so pretty. They are. They are

Uniforms, Haircuts, And Expectations

SPEAKER_03

whatever.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_02

All right. I will say offset the cost of military life.

SPEAKER_00

Talk about talk about the that transition into so we've talked about like, okay, I'm gonna marry a Marine. You've worked through some of those emotional things, but okay, now you're doing it. So like a year in. Sorry, I've forgotten how long you were. Almost two, right? Almost two married. Okay, two married. So what what was that transition like? What were some of the challenges of transitioning into like okay, I married a marine. Here's what this life actually looks like. What have been some of the challenges in that transition?

SPEAKER_03

Do you want me to go first? Yeah, sure. I I think most recently, I think the thing off the top of my head is being a wife to a military spouse. I think the thing that has been hardest for me to adjust to is work is inconsistent. I don't know if it's the same with Jonathan, but like it's it almost seems like it's never the same. And then all of a sudden it'll be like, oh, we have a couple weeks of like it's the same, and I'm very routine-based. So then I'm like, oh, this is how it's gonna be. And then all of a sudden it's like crazy hours, and it's like at home he's working, at work he's working, and then it's like, okay, so there's never consistency. And I think that has been probably one of the hardest things to adjust to. What did you imagine that to look like?

SPEAKER_04

What was the expectation? Because if you if that was hard, did you have an expectation like what you thought married life

The Hardest Parts Of The Transition

SPEAKER_04

was gonna look like?

SPEAKER_03

I two things. One, I think that I thought I was gonna be able to hold my own routine very well and just be like, oh, this is my life, this is his life, and somehow they magically kind of just like meet and do the same thing. And then I think I also thought that Caleb was gonna be like super magical and be able to like be the Hallmark husband while he's a Marine, which is unrealistic. He's incredible, don't get me wrong. I just think like I needed to have more of an expectation of Caleb is human and his life is hard, and I'm gonna have to like be very self-sacrificing in some of that. Wow. That's really good.

SPEAKER_00

That that was my next question. What's God taught you through that? But yeah, like you have to you have to sacrifice, you have to realize that the movies and the television and everything else is not reality. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good.

SPEAKER_02

It was hard.

SPEAKER_00

What about you, Breely?

SPEAKER_02

I think for me, it was hard transitioning. So I had a like a gap year in Texas from Washington, DC to moving here. And I think for me, one of the hardest things to balance was like, how do I be a good wife? But like also still have a job. Like being a good wife doesn't mean I don't have a job. Right. Because I think for a while, and I've talked to Britney about this, like, it's like, okay, now that I'm married to a military guy, because like their job is so unpredictable. Like, yeah, should I just not have a job and be at his beck and call the whole time? And that's not healthy. Nor is that really what I think I wanted to do. But it was just finding that balance of like, I have a job, I have certain expectations. Like sometimes I can't have dinner on the table every night, and like that's never an expectation that Jonathan put on me. That was one that I put on my he's like, it's fine, we'll order pizza. And I'm like, no, I'm a terrible wife. But yeah, just figuring out that balance of like I still work full-time and get to be a wife.

SPEAKER_00

And it's a real challenge. I mean, there's been folks who have tried to solve that problem of you know, military spouse employment is is actually a big problem. So it's good that you're highlighting that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And you haven't had to move in the military yet, necessarily.

SPEAKER_02

No, and I have a remote job that is fantastic. And it's great in a lot of regards. It's a little lonely when they're gone for nine months, and I'm like, oh, it's 5 p.m. and I haven't spoken to another human face to face all day. Yeah. But that just forces me to get out and seek our community.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, that's when we go get coffee. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

I feel like that's a really good highlight too. Like remote jobs have become so huge. Especially, I mean, Brian, since we are well, you were in our husbands. I was gonna talk to you like you're close since our husbands were. I mean, since you were in and since Joshua was in, like the regular things I heard women doing in our first four years in was I'm a nurse or I'm a teacher. Right. Those were like the main things.

SPEAKER_00

Which all get licensed by the state. Yes. And so that creates problems when you move from state to state or a hairdresser was the big one. Right. Yeah. Because the state of the state of the state. Which is also licensed by the state.

SPEAKER_04

You can move with them, but then take the boards where you went. Now with remote jobs, it's interesting. But I think that's good what you just highlighted. You're in your house. Yeah. And I don't think we think about that a lot when we're taking those positions. And when they're gone, it's like I'm by myself all the time. So I think that was really good that you pointed that out.

SPEAKER_00

So what did God teach you in that? So your need for community. So your husband's gone, you're doing this remote job, your phone calls and emails and Zoom calls and all that kind of stuff. But r realizing you need community, anything else God taught you kind of in that transition?

SPEAKER_02

The community thing was big. Um, and also just like having grace for yourself. I think this last deployment really taught me like it's okay to have a bad day in that because like to back up a little bit. I lived a pretty cushy life up to being a military wife. Not that that's not cushy, but like the hardest thing was I didn't get into the college that I wanted to go to. Um, and then my husband was on a deployment extended twice in a very like un not predicted um environment that kind of took a turn that we didn't really prepare for after he left. His orders for the deployment changed like two days after he had left. So just all that to say, I got to really struggle and wrestle with like I'm sad and mad and questioning things, but like that's okay. And God sees me and like God wants me to bring that to him. And that doesn't mean I'm failing as a wife or as a military wife or anything like that. Like, that's just part of growing. And it's been really cool. Like the perspective, I will say, like, one of my favorite things about being a military wife is the perspective that we get to have at such a young age. Like, yeah, at I mean, we got married when I was 25, but now I'm 27. Like, I feel like how much I've learned, I'm very grateful for it's really hard. I'm like, okay, I'm done with lessons. It's like a fast pass at Disneyland.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Get on your favorite roller coaster and then down you go. Please scare us.

SPEAKER_00

Like, just a breather, please.

SPEAKER_03

So that's interesting.

SPEAKER_00

Since Breely uh said her age, how old are you?

SPEAKER_03

I was just gonna say no. I am at 21.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, good. Just one. Just for people.

SPEAKER_03

It took me a minute to think pregnancy brain fogs.

SPEAKER_00

I was like, how old am I? No, that's good. So in those transitions, in this early marriage, and yes, I'll call it early marriage. I know you feel like old hats you've you've celebrated an anniversary or two, but um in this early marriage, what are some things your husbands have done to help you specifically in that transition into military life?

SPEAKER_02

I think

Work, Remote Life, And Finding Community

SPEAKER_02

he does a pretty good job, and we've grown in this over the years, but just of like not over promising, like we've just had to learn like, hey, this is what's true today. And he's like, I think this might happen. I don't know. He's never like, Yeah, yeah, hey, because I mean, I think I've heard just like friends, like some guys will be like, Oh, this is definitely gonna happen, and like I'm gonna be gone, and I'm like, okay, good luck with that. And that never happens. Yeah, just like laughable.

SPEAKER_00

I think that's also like a a movie TV thing. Like, you I see when I watch movies and TV and and people are like making these promises, I will never let you down, I will be there, and we're talking about things months in in the future, and I'm like, that's you don't know that at all. That's true for anybody, but definitely in the military. So that's a good one.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Overpromising. That's good. Yeah, like what else?

SPEAKER_00

What have your husbands done to help?

SPEAKER_03

I'm gonna say this didn't happen well in the beginning, but then once like it started happening, it made it really like a lot easier. Caleb would communicate as much as he could about what was going on, which then made me know like if there's something he can't talk about or something that he can't tell me, I know he's told me as much as he could. Because Caleb's job's unique, and a lot of I know like other spouses in that field feel like, well, is he telling me everything he can? What is he keeping from me? And I I haven't really struggled with that because I know Caleb is open and communicates as much as he can. So communication.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

But isn't that funny?

SPEAKER_04

Ryan and I are like, oh, we talk about this all the time on the podcast. We talk about communication. Yes, and your data. So it's like communication.

SPEAKER_03

But I think that balance is important because it's communicating but not overpromising can coincide. So like he doesn't need to be communicating, like, oh, I'm gonna be home at this time. But if he's communicating, like, hey, this is the range, but I don't know, this is kind of what's going on, that's helpful.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, and you can be like, keep me posted.

SPEAKER_03

Exactly. That's really good.

SPEAKER_02

Well, and I think you have to be on the other end. I've had like I have to be okay receiving that. Like you can't be like, No, I need to know time because like they just they simply do not. And they have all intention of coming home and like they want to be home because they don't want to still be working, yeah. They don't want to still be on appointment, just having to remind yourself like they would much rather be home with you than wherever else they are.

SPEAKER_04

And do you feel like you always have had that perspective, Reely? Or did you have to grow into that perspective of like they want to be here too? They want to be.

SPEAKER_02

I think I've known that Jonathan has always had that intention. I think there are some days that it's easier to remind myself of that than others. Yeah, yeah. And yeah, like he's doing the best that he can. And I think when they're gone, especially, it can be easy to fall into like my life is really hard here at home. Like, I'm going through all of these struggles, but like they're literally working, especially on a deployment or a training like 24-7. And so, like, I try to think about if I was working and then Jonathan's texting me, like, I miss you. Why aren't you talking to me? And I'm like, I'm trying to work. Like, that's exactly what I'm doing to him. And so that's not fair. And so just trying to remember, oh, wait, he's my husband, he loves me, he wants to talk to me, which like can feel a little crazy sometimes. You have to like coach yourself through it. Yeah, yeah. But that's a real thing. And I think if you have those thoughts, I think some woman could be like, oh, that must mean something's like wrong in our marriage or like we're not right. It's like, no, that's normal. Um, and you just yeah, you have to go back to God. What does God say is true and like the foundation of your marriage?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, I love that because what you're doing is the active principle that Colossians teaches. You're putting off and putting on, like you have to call to truth. What is truth? I think what you're highlighting too is you need to trust. Like they made a covenant with you, they love you, they want to be with you, but this is their job. This isn't something they're choosing to just like well, most of the time, you know, to be away.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I mean, we're definitely choosing, and the job matters. So I don't want to like there's a tension for the men. There's a tension when we're gone. You're right. Like on a deployment, typically there's exceptions to this, but on serious deployments,

Communication, Trust, And Emotional Load

SPEAKER_00

we are working basically every waking minute. And and again, on on most deployments, that work matters. And so there is this tension. Like, yeah, I want to be home with my family, but I also want to do this job because this job matters. Like, we joined to protect the freedoms that we have here. And so there's a tension for them. I I appreciate you guys like they want to be home, I know they want to be home, and and that's true, but also just understand they're living in this tension. Yeah. You guys are you guys are responding to all of this very maturely. And now they're laughing. I know there's lots of giggles, I know there's lots of you're you're self deprecating in appropriate ways, but you Like the maturity of realizing, okay, this is the life, this is what we're doing, this is what God's doing. Like you're kind of coaching yourself into the right answer as you're talking, which is really cool. How would you talk like what advice would you give to yourself a year ago? As you've kind of come like you've come through some stuff. I'm already hearing that. So what would you tell yourself a year ago?

SPEAKER_02

I feel like okay, I'm gonna spin it a little bit of like two years ago. Okay, even because I feel like, well, a year ago we were in a similar spot. Um but just like one, re keep reading your Bible every day because that's the just the foundation, but like really plug into community and ask for help because like as you said, like we're giving good answers. It's literally only because of conversations like this, like with Tatum, with Britney, with other members of the church who like when I was in times of like, oh, this is how I'm feeling, and like I know this isn't the right thought process, but this is how I feel to have Brittany be like, no, Breley. This is truth, this is right. Um so yeah, just read your Bible and also have a good community of people who can speak truth into you with love, of like Brittany would always say, It's okay to cry, you can't cry for three days straight.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_02

And if you are, call me.

SPEAKER_04

Okay, we've hit the limit of things wrong.

SPEAKER_00

Crying's not a bad thing, but yeah.

SPEAKER_02

No, that's good. And you're lying to yourself and everyone else if you're saying that you're not crying and you're not sad.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, yeah. And if you're not sad, something's wrong. Something else is wrong. Yeah, we mean you can't wrong. Right.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Come talk to us then too. Gosh.

SPEAKER_03

Uh a year ago for Caleb and I looked very different than where we're at now. Just like our marriage-wise, and thankfully, like we had Brian and Kelly, they walked us through a lot of that. But I think something that I would tell myself is like to have a voice in my marriage and what I need to communicate to Caleb. Because I think like you can expect really good communication from your spouse while not communicating what you need. And in the military, I think you have to be willing to communicate with grace what you need as well. And it's really easy to kind of like conquer down and be like, I'm gonna take one for the team, and you're just like silently suffering, and that's not fair to either of you. So that's what I would tell myself.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I would I would even say honest about where you're at. Yeah. Like, not even you know, sometimes our needs are our perceived needs are valid and sometimes they're not, but just like hey, I I'm confused. I feel like I don't know what's going on at all. Like being able to say those types of things is is good. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Well, I think sorry, something on that really quick. Like, I think with the military, as someone who's not in the military, guys, like there's a tendency to you just need to get the job done. You're mission focused, like your emotions don't really matter. And so I think at the beginning of our relationship, I would tell Jonathan, like, I was really sad and I missed him, or like I cried. And he thought I was like falling apart. And I was like, no, I'm like totally okay. This is normal. Like, I'm just sad and I miss you and I want to be with you, but I'm functioning fine. Whereas he took that as like, oh my gosh, this girl's like falling apart every single time that I leave. And so I think just like on that part of communication, like saying, like, hey, I'm okay. Like, I'm sad, but I'm okay, but this is how I feel about it. And then he's better able to help me.

SPEAKER_00

Listen, you've got, ladies, you've got to say both of those things, Briley. Just say because you're right. We we have no clue, especially when we're deployed, we're like, how's she doing? Yeah. Like, how is she doing? I would also just one thing I would say to the guys is like keep connection with, you know, your small group leader or one of your pastors who's seeing your wife at church. Um, seeing your wife at church on a regular basis. Like, hey, how's she how's she doing? Like, is she showing up in sackcloth and ashes like every single Sunday? Just weeping uncontrollably, like wailing in the church. Like, is she there? Like, to get a third person, like to get somebody who's there seeing her, I think would be really wise. I yeah, I just think it would be wise. Because you're right, we have no clue.

SPEAKER_04

That's a really good point. Like, I do think I always I had an older wife tell me a long time ago. Well, obviously a long time ago, because now we are the older people talking to these. You're not old people, yeah. For real.

SPEAKER_00

That was the right answer.

SPEAKER_04

Thank you, really, thank you. Um, but she was just like, Look, you're sad, that's okay. Sometimes say it, but every time you're crying, or every time you're sad, or every time you miss them. They don't need to hear that. Call a girlfriend, tell somebody else. Like, because they're in stressful situations, and then what you don't see is their their natural bent is to keep you happy and protect you, and now they can't. And it would I be right on that? Does that add an extra stress to you guys, Brian?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, absolutely. And and some encouragement, like, hey, you're doing a good thing. I'm thankful that I'm married to a man who is willing to go support and defend freedom and all these things. So, like encouraging what he's doing, understanding that he's living in attention is Yeah, that's what I was gonna say.

SPEAKER_03

When I have time to process why I'm sad before I communicate that I'm sad, I can usually be like, hey, today was a really rough day and I miss you a lot. But I'm really thankful for like all you're doing and kind of like spin it as like I'm sad, but you're doing a positive thing, and I'm really proud of you. Is something I try to like reiterate often. I'm not always perfect at that, but like trying to make sadness almost positive.

SPEAKER_02

I do want to say I have not spent my entire life as a military wife sad. There have been so many. I was like, I don't want to end on yeah, we're just there's been so many happy moments. Okay, yeah, it's just it is such a joy and a blessing, and we've gotten to share like a lot of really happy perspectives for sure. To anyone who's considering being a military wife, or if you're dating and you're thinking about engagement, like it is not just doom and gloom. It's actually like what have been some of the joys.

SPEAKER_04

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. We're getting close to time here, friend. Sorry, I'm sorry. So we're gonna have a part two. We're gonna have a part two.

SPEAKER_00

Really was paying attention to Joshua. I'm like, hey, we just ignore him. I'm having a move around here.

SPEAKER_02

Like all the directions. It like panics me.

SPEAKER_00

I was like, I assume he's like waving an aircraft or something.

SPEAKER_04

And when Kelly's with us, her and I always talk about like the button. If you're sitting in the studio, the button's red for some reason while we're recording

Part Two Teaser And How To Reach Us

SPEAKER_04

and it's on, but it's green when we're off. I don't know. And so Joshua will like hover his finger and it's like we need to change it. Don't get into that yet. Brian, what was the question you just asked?

SPEAKER_00

I asked, uh, what are some of the joys of serving as a military wife? Which I believe it is its own type of service in a very explicit way. Very much so. So we thank you for that. That's my question.

SPEAKER_04

So that's the question we're gonna return with. And then leave us with that. Yes, I think there is a lot of things. Yes, I mean this is great. We just really appreciate you guys joining us. So this is the first time I think we've done this on the podcast. Today is part one. Join us next Monday, and you're gonna find part two picking up with the question Brian just asked. If you have questions or topics you want us to cover to help you thrive and not just survive in your military life, you can email us at hello at military wellness collective.com. That again is hello at militarywellness collective.com. You can find us on Instagram. We would love to connect with you. We thank you guys so much for taking 30 minutes of your Monday morning or whenever you're replaying this and just chilling with us, listening to conversations. We hope that they are helpful and beneficial to you. We love you guys. We'll see you back here next Monday. Thanks, guys.