A Father's Influence

Date: June 21, 2026
Series: Stand Alone Message
Passage: Ephesians 6:1-4
Preacher: Pastor Jeff Griffin

Transcript

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The father's influence. The father's influence. Ephesians six, one through four, is known by Paul as the household of codes that he gives for the Christian family life. Ephesians six, one through four orders mutual submission between children and fathers and their mothers. Verse four says, Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord. So although we read for all four verses, I'm going to camp out here in verse four, as verse four directly and particularly is talking to fathers. The point Paul makes in verse four can be summed up in this way. The highest calling as a father is to be the image of God's fatherhood to your children. The highest calling as a father is to be the image of God's fatherhood to your children. The boy was frightened because of thunderstorms that were raining down, and he called out for his daddy and he said, Daddy, come. I'm scared. And the father replied, Son, God loves you. He'll take care of you. And the boy said, I know God loves me. But I need somebody with skin. The boy says, I need someone that I can see. And so it is the role of the father to be the image of God's fatherhood for children, for our children to see. So what does it look like to be a godly father? The first part of this verse is a divine prohibition against treating children ungodly. But the second part of this verse gives a positive instruction for how fathers should raise their children. Ephesians 4, 6, 4 is going to outline for us three fundamental ways fathers are to raise their children. And we're going to get right into it. The first one is this fathers are to lead with love. Fathers are to lead with love. When you read verse 4, immediately Paul gives the responsibility of the Father. And to help us understand this verse, it's important to note that the verse is directly addressed to fathers. When Paul says in Ephesians 6 1, children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right, he means parents. In Ephesians 6.2, he says, honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment with the promise. He's emphasizing, his emphasis here is on fathers and mothers. But in verse 4, he says, Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. And the word fathers here in verse 2 and verse 4 is the same word of fathers used in verse 2. And in some cases, you can look at this, and scholars will look at this, and they have said that parents, that the word fathers refer to parents in general, but in the context of this passage, it is to be read as a specific reference to fathers. The fact that this verse speaks directly to fathers does not exclude, does not ignore, does not belittle, or does it disqualify the vital role that mothers play in the family? Mothers play a vital role in disciplining and giving instructions to our children. The New Testament is clear that nurturing of children is the primary role God has given to women. Mothers are the ones who generally spend the most time with their children, caring for them, actively leading in their development, administering their needs and disciplining, and giving spiritual direction. So why does Paul in this verse lead out and particularly addresses fathers? The reason Paul does this and the reason he directly addresses fathers is because fathers are directly responsible for leading in the home. The significance of the mother's role of our children is undeniable. We all know that. But the Holy Spirit intentionally moved Paul in verse four to directly address fathers for this specific reason. What Paul is affirming in this text, what Paul is affirming in this verse is that fathers have been given divine authority over what happens in that home. And with divine authority, fathers, comes divine accountability. And so with the authority and the accountability given to fathers, Paul is addressing mothers at the same time. Because if not, it would read this way. Fathers must bring up their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, while mothers can bring up their children any way they please. And we all know that that's not the case. So Proverbs 1.8 doubles down on that. It says, Hear, my son, your father's instructions, and forsake not your mother's teaching. So as it relates to bringing up children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, both father and mother are play a vital, important role in the lives of their children. But here, Paul specifically places the father in the God-given responsibility to establish biblical leadership in the home. And however, this God-given responsibility, fathers, come with God-given directions. Notice what he says in verse four. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger. Most families in that day, in this ancient day, was were in shambles. Mutual love among family members was almost unheard of. So father's love for his children would have been even harder to imagine. By Roman law, father had virtual life and death power not only over his slaves, but also over his entire household. He could cast any of them out of the house anytime he wanted. He can sell them as slaves. He can even kill them. And so, in other words, the father was accountable to no one. A newborn child was placed at his feet, at the father's feet to determine his fate. If the father picked it up, the child was allowed to stay in the home. If the father walked away, the child was simply disposed of. Much as aborted babies are today in our day. Discarded infants who were healthy were collected and taken each night to the town forum where they would be picked up and raised to be slaves and prostitutes. That was the lay of the land in ancient times. We live in a different culture now. But Paul, with all power and authority, he says, with all the power and authority that was given to fathers of that day, Paul says, Fathers, stop provoking your children to anger. So in so doing, Paul's saying, No, fathers, you don't have absolute authority over your children. Your children have been given to us. Our children belong to God. And so Paul is letting them know. He says, listen, you don't have absolute authority over your children. You can't treat your children any kind of way that you want to treat them. In other words, you will be held accountable for your children. Children are to be treated with dignity, integrity, respect, and equality. A parallel verse of this is Colossians 3.21. It says this, fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. But here Paul gives the consequences in Colossians 3.21. He says, Don't provoke your children to anger. And the consequences is this, lest they be discouraged. The word discouraged means to be broken in spirit. They may get to a place where they stop caring about your rules. They may get to a place to where they stop caring about your guidance and your leadership and your expectations. So they may begin to rebel against your leadership. If you truly love your child, you'll discipline them lovingly, you'll discipline them consistently, and you'll discipline them for their own good. We can discourage or break children's spirits in many ways. One of the ways that we can do that is being overprotective. You know, we live in a sin-sick world. Children are abused, children are kidnapped, and so we have a grave concern for our children. When I was young, my parents just used to send me out the house, go to school. And we walk to school, catch the bus, however we got there, we found a way to get there. But today we walk our kids to the bus stop. We make sure that we get notifications that if our kid skips a class, that we get notified that your children didn't show up on time for school. So we have all these safeguards in place. But we can break our children's spirit by being overprotective. Because there comes a time as they grow and they mature that they must be given some type of measure of freedom. And if you hold on too tightly for too long, children can become resentful. But then there's a flip side of this. We can break a child's spirit by overindulgence. Overindulgence is the hands-off approach. Give our kids total freedom, and when that happens, you communicate to them a sense of insecurity and lack of love. So the fact is, there will be times where we will make our children angry. If you parent incorrectly, fathers, your children at some point in time will be angry with you. There'll be times when you will won't give them what they want, and they'll be angry. There'll be times where they don't agree, where you don't agree with their behavior, and they'll be angry. And that's just the way it is, Father. That's just something that we have to live with. Paul's not saying that you should never make your children angry, but what he is saying, that you shouldn't intentionally make your children angry for no reason at all. And so he says, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger. Not every father can accomplish what this text is commanded. Specifically, fathers who are not saved by grace alone, through faith alone, in Jesus Christ alone. Now it's evident, and we know that non-Christians can be moral and loving and protective fathers, but they cannot obey this verse. In fact, just because you are a Christian does not mean that you can obey this verse. The father's obedience to Ephesians 6 4 is dependent upon his relationship with God the Father and being filled by the Holy Spirit of God.

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Amen.

SPEAKER_00 15:59

Fathers, we must be filled with the Holy Spirit to lead our families in a way that's pleasing to God.

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That's right.

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Good family relationships between sinful parents and sinful children do not just develop naturally. It doesn't just develop automatically. It doesn't just happen by chance. They require effort, patience, and love. Most of all, it requires the Holy Spirit. It requires the power and energy of the Holy Spirit. So I repeat, fathers must be filled with the Holy Spirit in order to lead their families in a way that's pleasing to God. And so we lead with love. But secondly, fathers, we discipline with diligence. Ephesians 6, 4 says, Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger. But then it says, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Don't miss these three words. Bring them up. We see the same sense and the same, these same words over in Proverbs, when we have the best known scripture as it relates to child training, when it says, train up a child in the way that he should go. Verse Proverbs 22, 6, train up a child in the way that he should go when even when he is old, he will not depart from it. This carries the idea of training your children, bringing them up to maturity. The text says, verse 6 of Proverbs, of chapter 22, verse 6 of Proverbs says, in the way that he should go. This phrase speaks of the proper way. It speaks of raising your child the way of God, the path of God. And it's from this proper behavior, it's from godly living, it's from teaching our children how to live according to the scriptures. It's from this way of lifestyle that the child will not turn away when they get older. Now, I need to let you know that Proverbs 22, 6 is not a religious rabbit foot. It's not making an ironclad guarantee. What it is doing is it laying down a general principle. Doesn't mean that our children, once they get older, they won't stray away. And children, I advise you not to do that. Do not stray away from the Lord. But our children can certainly go their own way. They get old enough and they begin and they start to do their own thing. They start to live, I can live my own life now. I don't have to go to church. And because I don't have to go to church, I make decisions, and if I don't want to go on that day, I won't go. They got their right to do that. So they can go their own way. But you know what they can never stray away from your prayers. They can never stay stray away from your prayers. You know what else they can never stray away from? They can't stray away from the seed that you planted that was planted in them by the Holy Spirit of God. They can't stray away from that. So as parents, we should never despair, but keep on praying and trusting God to bring wayward children to their senses. That's what it means to discipline with diligence. Never give up on our children. Paul tells us two ways that we are to go about bringing up children: discipline and instruction. Biblical discipline includes, but it's not limited to, loving physical correction. It can be verbal rebuke or warning, but it also involves corporal correction. There's some today who think who have negative opinions about spankings and its impact and how harmful it is to our children. The culture has removed corporal punishment from schools. The culture has removed corporal punishment from homes. And many parents have adopted this same mindset. Today children are talking back to their parents, acting out in public places, being disrespectful in the home, spouting words, hateful words to their parents. Timeouts and positive reinforcement is just not cutting it. In most cases. That's not working. And when it when we allow our kids to do that, it means that they can act or do as they please. Now I'm aware that there's some people in here who never got a spanking. There's some people in here that you may never have to spank your kids. And you may your kids may be grown and you never had to spank them. And I'm going to tell you that that's just the grace of God. That is the grace of God. Amen. Amen. If that's you, praise God and glory be to God. But in most cases, in most cases, punishment is needed. Proverbs 22, 13 through 14 says this: do not withhold discipline from a child. If you strike him with a rod, he will not die. We can just stop right there. Right? Because we're living proof that that won't be the case. But then verse 14 says, if you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Shio. Biblical discipline calls for correction. We must correct our kids because discipline is an evangelism mission to rescue our kids from death and hell. It's about putting them on the right path. This rod, this rod is it, it's not symbolic. It's a rod of discipline. It's not a bat, it's not a giant club, it's not a weapon. It's known in scripture as the shepherd's stick. It was a switch or a branch. I had no idea that when my grandmother said, Go outside and get me that switch, I had no idea that it was biblical. A little switch. Did a mighty work. And so this biblical rod, it's associated with guidance, it's associated with protection, and it's associated with authority. Proverbs 1918 says this: discipline your son. For there is hope. Do not set your heart on putting him to death. As parents, we can't be passive with discipline. If you remove all forms of consequences or punishments, what's left? Why would a child stop destructive behavior if there is any, if there's no reason for a child to stop? If there are no consequences for speeding or running a red light, why do we have, why do we still have these laws? If that's the case, these laws would only be suggestions rather than rules. If they're not going to be enforced. So as parents, we have laws, we have rules that our children need to comply by, and we need to be setting boundaries as we set up the culture in our home. Children need to learn that there are boundaries in life. They need to learn that there are rules that they have to obey. To learn this, they need to be disciplined when they cross the line. I know this is not popular today, but failure to discipline your children when they when they're young may cause them to start to respect, disrespect teachers, start to disrespect adults, and start to disrespect people in the workplace when they grow older. If they don't learn respect in a home, they'll have no respect for teachers, they'll have no respect for principals, they'll have no respect for the Lord. Proverbs 13, 24 says this: whoever spares a rod hates his son. But he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. The latter part of this verse is actually translated, he who loves him disciplines him early. You see, love seeks to correct early. Love seeks to correct in the tender years. Love seeks to correct before your child gets so old that you can't spank them. In fact, they may be bigger than you. So discipline needs to start during the tender years at a young age. Why should parents be diligent in discipline their children? Each child is born with a sinful nature. They may seem sweet and innocent. When children are born and when they get here, but church, we can't be fooled. Inside every one is defiled, is a defiled, sinful nature that begins to express itself immediately. And our job, as parents, our job as fathers and mothers are to raise children who understand sin, raise children who understands repentance, raise children who understands forgiveness, true grace, and how to discern the deeper issues of the heart. See, the reason human fatherhood exists is to display the beauty of God's fatherhood. And so that's our highest calling. Our biblical discipline is rooted, it flows from our fat from our love for our children. And God the Father is our perfect example of this. How is our God the perfect example of this? Ephesians Hebrew 5 11 says this. And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives. It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have earthly fathers who disciplined us and respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the fathers of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them. But he disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields a peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Biblical discipline, church, is an act of love that's shown to us by God our Father. It's a sign that God loves us, and that if you in, and if you're in Christ, you're not, it's a sign that God loves us, and if you're in Christ, you're not an illegitimate son. You're not an illegitimate child. You're not an illegitimate daughter. You have a father that disciplines and loves us and cares for us. He would call me. Typically, this would be either in the basement or he would call me outside on the patio to talk to me, and I could tell always by his facial expression, and that it wouldn't, this wasn't gonna be a fun conversation. And he would remind me of my responsibilities and how discipline was meant to guide me. And years later, I realized that he didn't discipline neighbors' kids. Even when they were right outside and they were acting rowdy. Why? Because they weren't his kids. And just like God, a loving father only disciplines those he loves. And he's doing that to shape us for a better path. Our Heavenly Father lovingly disciplines us because we are his. Pride, selfishness, jealousy, rebellion, ego, worry, doubt, you name it, it's there. And so because our job is to teach and instruct our children, our job is to constantly ask the question what's going on in my child's heart that's making them do the things that they're doing. So we can speak to that, so we can instruct them to that, because as they grow into adulthood, they can and will understand the issue is sin. The result can be less conflicts, the result can be less divided relationships, the result is that we can keep our children out of trouble, there would be less destruction and less broken homes. And by the way, these same issues exist in adults today. But guess when they started? They started when we were children. They started when we were children, and as we grew up, we carried those same attitudes, we carried that same pride, the same ego, the same issues that we grew up with as children. We carry those same issues. I'm spoiled to this day. If I don't get what I want, when I want it and how I want it, I feel a certain way about it. Where do you think that that came from? That came when I was little. And my mother, she did try to beat it out of me. I gotta give her all due respect. But she said, listen, she she but but again, it starts church when we are little. We have to talk to our children about what's really going on in the heart. And let them know that listen, what you're doing is you're sinning against God. That's not a bad conversation to have. That's a better conversation to have. Because the more we have that conversation, the more we talk to our kids about what's really going on in their heart, they have a better understanding about sin, they have a better understanding about repentance and forgiveness and what it means to act godly, even as children. The heart is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4.23 says this keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flows the springs of life. The goal is about training the heart and preparing children to live right, to live in right relationship with God. Paul says that we are to do this. Look what the last three words he says in verse 4 says that we are to do this of the Lord. Don't skip that phrase. It means that behind mom and dad stands the Lord Jesus Christ. Praise God for that. He stands behind you to watch you, to guide you, to bless your efforts. When we nourish our children with education and instruction, God got our back. When we nourish our children with the word of God and teach them what the Bible says, God is standing alongside of us, standing behind us, working in those efforts. So God is blessing those efforts, and we have to trust as parents that God has our back. If we just be obedient to what God is calling us to do, to discipline our children and to give them instructions in the Lord. And so, fathers have a responsibility to love, instruct, and discipline their children in the ways of the Lord. In return, they are honored and obeyed by their children. In order to do this, fathers, we must know the word of God. We must know the ways of the Lord. You know, children grow up fast. We only have a little bit, a limited amount of time with our children. When Jeffrey, when we moved here, Jeffrey was three years old, and now he's a grown man. Getting ready to pack his bags and move. Just thought I'd put that out there. But church, one day we one day we'll no longer be in control. But while they are under control, our job is to train and instruct them in the way of the Lord. So they'll come to a place to submit to his authority when they no longer are obligated to submit to our authority. And that's the significance of the phrase of the Lord. We are to bring up our children with the Lord's discipline and the Lord's instruction. And if we do that, I want you to see the result. Look with me at Proverbs 29:17. Discipline your son, and he will give you rest. He will give delight to your heart. That's the scripture. And I trust God's word. And if he says discipline, and behind discipline, there's gonna be a reward, and I'm gonna have rest, and it's gonna be a delight to my heart. Say no more. God understands that we that raising children is hard. He understands that in this world, in the daytime that we live in, that it's difficult. But he also gives Use the instruction book that you and I can follow, that if we discipline our kids, if we give them godly instructions, we'll find rest and it'll be a delight to our heart. So when we grasp the sovereignty of God, children can grow up in a godly Christian environment. And we can understand that God is all-powerful. But children can still grow up in godly environments, Christian environments, and they can still reject reject the faith of their parents. Or children can grow up in a grow up in an ungodly, non-Christian environment and yet trust Jesus as Savior and Lord. And they can live for his glory. We can't predict. Our attitudes, our choices, our words, our behavior, our discipline, instruction and prayers, listen, we have to understand that God is the one that's in control. But our job is to never give up on our children. God's amazing grace, his sparing mercy, and unfailing love can turn their lives around, and God wants to use us to make a difference. He wants to use us to lead with love, to discipline with diligence, and instruct with intention. So God wants to use godly fathers, he wants to use godly mothers, and he wants to use godly parents. A young man was getting ready to graduate high school. And so his father was wealthy, his father took him to a car dealership, and his father they found a sports car that his son just fell in love with. And because his father was wealthy, because his father took him to that dealership, he he just anticipated that once he graduated that upon graduation that there would be a new sports car sitting in the driveway with his name on it. And so he waited and waited. And when graduation day came, his father called him into his study. And he gave him, he said, son, you've been good and I'm proud of you for what you have done, and congratulations you for congratulations on graduating high school and going off to college and going into your next phase of life, he says, but I have a gift for you. And he hands his son a nice wrapped box. And when his son opened that box, his son found out that it wasn't keys to a car. But inside that gift was a Bible. And so his son was upset, mad at his father, because he expected to get a car. He expected to get something worth more than what he thought was the body was worth more than the Bible. And so he left home mad. And he went away and he didn't talk to his father for some time. But then he found out, he got a telegram saying that his father was now sick. And so his son packed up his things, he went home, and by the time he got home, his father was on his deathbed. Shortly after that, his father died. And the son goes through his father's belongings. He began to search through his father's important papers and saw the steel gift-wrapped Bible in the corner just where it was left years ago. With tears, he opened the Bible and he began to turn the pages, and he found a card from his father inside with a with a note from his father and a check for the amount of the car that he wanted. The note said, son, I love you, and I'm very proud of you. Here's the money for the car you desire. Enjoy it. But then it says, but always remember that no gift can be more special than the word of God and the testimony of Jesus Christ. The best gift that we can give our kids is Jesus Christ. The best gift that we can give our kids is Jesus Christ. Amen? Amen. Let us pray. Father God, we thank you, Lord. For giving us the responsibility to raise our children. Lord, we know that they don't belong to us. That we are responsible for them for a short period of time, Lord. That you, that our children belong to you. But Father, your grace and mercy has blessed us in such a way, God, that we get to spend time with them. We get to love on them. We get to discipline them. We get to instruct them in the way of the Lord and the way that they should go. And Lord, that is a blessing in and of itself. That you have given us the responsibility, you have given us the task to do your work in our kids and our children's lives. And so, Lord, we thank you for that. And we pray, Lord, that on this Father's Day that we remember that we have a Father in you, O God. One who loves us, one who disciplines us, one who cares for us, one who protects us and guides us. Lord, help us to remember our Father who art in heaven. Lord, we thank you, we praise you, and we ask these blessings in Christ's Jesus' name. Amen. Amen. As we get ready to dismiss, may we all stand. If you're here today and you have not accepted Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord, we would love for you to do that. We beg you, don't leave here today without accepting Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord. You can talk to Pastor Sammy, you can talk to myself. Just let someone know that you want to accept Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord. But as we sing right now in this moment, we want to allow this time for anyone to come. Listen. As parents, we don't always get it right. We have children who've lost their way. We have children that we have disconnected relationships with. We can even think about our own child rearing and child training years that we had did not get it right. But we can come to God and we can pray to God. We can pray that for forgiveness first and foremost. And so if you want to take that time to come to Him and pray to Him and ask for forgiveness, if you have a wayward child, if you have a relationship that's disconnected, perhaps you haven't spoken to your child in years. Take it to the Lord. Take it to the Lord. Ask the Lord to do a mighty work in that relationship. Amen. And so as we come, we want to give space and time for you to do that as we sing. Won't you come?