S2EP15: When Fear Meets Your Future Self

You know those moments where you’re like, “yeah… future me can deal with that”? Yeah… this is about that. I’m sharing how avoiding small but uncomfortable things has been catching up to me lately, and what it’s been like actually facing them. From phone calls I didn’t want to make, to situations I let drag out longer than they should have.....this is me really seeing the pattern for what it is.

This isn’t a “I fixed everything” episode......it’s me in the middle of it, learning how to show up for myself a little better. Giving myself grace, but also being honest about what it costs to keep avoiding things and sitting in that discomfort.

And maybe just starting to make choices that future me will actually feel supported by.

Thanks for hanging out with me on Mostly Aligned.

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If you ever want to say hi, share what you’re moving through, or tell me what landed, you can email me at mostlyalignedpodcast@gmail.com.

Until next time — make yourself a cup of tea, don’t overthink everything, and stay mostly aligned.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:22

Welcome back to Folsley Online, where we're figuring it out mostly. Tis I, your girl, Lola, your host, Resident Story Weaver, Intuition Apprentice, Herbal Girly, and Proud Card Carry member of the I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm trusting the universe anyway club. If you're new here, welcome to my cozy chaos. I'm really glad you found your way. And to my returners. What's up, friends? Thanks for walking this path with me, for letting me grow out loud, and for sticking around through all the reflecting, spiraling, healing, and okay, but now what moments? Mostly aligned is my audio journal about healing, intuition, starting over, protecting your peace, and noticing those tiny magic moments that quietly remind you who you are becoming. Alright. Today we're talking about those moments we might be too familiar with. The future me can deal with this moments. The times we avoid the hard stuff, the uncomfortable calls, the scary appointments, and the way it piles on until we can't avoid it anymore. So if you're ready, grab your favorite bevy, saddle in, and let's begin. Alright, y'all. Don't judge me, but if I'm being honest, for a big part of my adult life, I've been the type to say that's future Lola's problem. Like she'll deal with it later. And when later comes around and I am future Lola, sitting here like why am I like this? It sucks. And yeah, it's not like I don't understand why I avoided things because trust me, I do. I try to give myself grace because there was a reason, but I'm also learning it's okay to be frustrated with myself too. Both feelings can exist. However, I just don't want to sit in that frustration for too long. Not anymore. Lately, I've been having to adult way more than I'm used to. And yeah, it sounds childish, but it is what it is. And it's for simple things like making important phone calls, which I hate making those kinds of phone calls, especially when they start asking a bunch of questions and I don't fully understand what they mean, or I don't have the answer right away. It makes me feel dumb, and it's a quick way to get me irritated. And it's the kind of dumb that feels like, as an adult, I should know this. Again, instead of sitting in that feeling. Examples, well, you know that uh adulting too much I've got going on. Well, it includes a few things like my health insurance. I had someone help me fill out my application through the health care marketplace. And the understanding was that she would handle anything related to it. So when I started getting emails saying I needed to submit more information, I didn't really pay any mind to it. Every time we spoke, she assured me, like, don't worry, I got it. Also, it's kind of her job. Like, that is what she does for a living. She helps people with health insurance things. However, she just went ghost. And I never submitted the documents that were needed. So that turned into my coverage changing to something way more expensive with less coverage, which honestly makes no sense to me. It really doesn't. Like, anyway, we're not gonna get into it. But that's what happened. And at that point, I couldn't avoid it anymore. So I had to get on the phone. And for those of you that have been calling the marketplace, you know you're on hold, get transferred around, explain the situation a few times, and it's frustrating, time consuming, and honestly draining. But I did get it resolved for now. And that situation really did open my eyes a little bit more. Because even though she dropped the ball technically, I also kind of handed it over too easily. I didn't follow up, I didn't double check, I just trusted that it was handled so I wouldn't have to deal with it. And that's been a pattern, not gonna lie. What's example number two, you ask? My W-2 situation this past year, or well, 2025 has been the year of many odd jobs, and one of the jobs I've worked, I was supposed to get a W-2. I didn't. So I reached out to the employer with time. I did have time this time around, and this is someone I already had like weird history with. Um, and so instead of getting a straightforward answer, I got something that felt really off and very unhelpful. And that ended up delaying my taxes getting filed, and now it's this whole back and forth situation with my preparer that thankfully he's very helpful. I've been with him since I was 21, and we're figuring it out, however it happens, right? But yeah, we gotta figure it out either before April 15 or ask for an extension, which I'm hoping we just get it done. But yeah, that's uh very fun adulting there. Now this last one. It is pretty hard for me to open up about. I've been having to go to the dentist. I've avoided going for years, and trust me, I know how this sounds, but this is a real fear from childhood experiences that stuck with me. But now I'm at a point where I don't really have much of a choice. Fear can't dictate this anymore. So I've been going, getting work done, and it's been expensive. Like crazy. It's also something I am insecure about. So it's not easy to share this, but I'm working through it. And with the pain management of it all, I've been trying to find ways that works for me, which also means I've been taking herbal alternatives instead of the prescribed stuff within reason. However, I've been more mindful about what I put in my body, so I've been leaning into herbs to help with pain and inflammation, especially with my TMJ. And that's still something I'm figuring out. And of course, I do my own research and run it by the doctors who are understanding, or you know, at least supporting me a little bit with that little prescription paper slide across the table and like just in case. But yeah, all of this has just been highlighting the pattern. I avoid things that make me uncomfortable, especially when I feel like I don't know what I'm doing or I might look stupid, but avoiding it doesn't make it go away, it just builds up. And by the time future Lola deals with it, it's more stressful, more expensive, and just a lot heavier than it needed to be. And then I'm sitting there as future Lola, frustrated with past Lola. But the way I've been seeing my future self is starting to change. And I've been thinking about everything she's going to have to handle, everything she'll go through. And I don't want to keep adding unnecessary weight to that. Not things that are minor inconveniences right now, but can grow into something even more down the line. And it's not because I'm trying to make this life perfect, because honestly, no such thing. Because I know who I am and I do deserve a good life, and that good life starts with making better choices now, even when they're uncomfortable. I don't want to keep putting everything on her plate to the point where she doesn't even have time to live and create the life we actually want. So I'm trying to move a little differently now. It's not perfect, but it's more aware. So that's where I'm at right now. A lot of reflection, definitely a lot of action at the same time, and I'm not gonna lie, I go over things in my head a lot, like constantly. But I can also feel that I want to keep this momentum going, even though it's hard. I guess when you start doing things differently when you've been used to avoiding them, it's a heavy mental challenge. And honestly, it's exhausting. And I can see why it's been easier to just say, yeah, that's future Lola's problem. There's something about passing it off that feels like this instant relief. Like, sweet, I don't have to deal with this right now. And in that moment, it works, even if it's temporary. Besides, I'm not gonna sit here and act like I've completely broken that habit because I haven't. I'm still human, I still have those moments, I probably will again, but I think what's different now is that awareness of when it's happening, and you know, that little pause, that moment that helps me catch it sooner than I'm used to. And honestly, the strength to decide to move differently without putting all this pressure on myself to be perfect or get it right every time. Because that's not realistic either. So yeah, it's less about never avoiding things again and more about being honest with myself in those moments, and who knows? We'll slowly, surely choose better where I can, honestly. Even if it's mom. Because at the end of the day, I'm the one who's going to meet future Lola, and I'd rather I'd rather her not yell at me. But more importantly, I'd rather meet her feeling supported than overwhelmed. Alright, friends, that's it for today. And thank you for being here with me. I love sharing this space with you where you know it's real talk. And I don't know, maybe some of my braveness might help someone out there pick up the phone, face the uncomfortable, or take that step that feels scary but necessary. Also, I am posting this late today. I'm literally yeah, we just doing this. But yeah. If you feel called, I'd love to hear from you. You can email me at mostlinepodcast at gmail.com. Feel free to share your story or maybe something you've been reflecting, or any moment that made you smile. I would love to hear it all. If you're enjoying the show, leave a comment, follow, subscribe, or a five-star rating. It really helps others find this space, whether you're listening on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, wherever you're podcasting. All right, y'all. Thank you for being here and yeah, sending you so much love and a whisper of magic. Till next time. Bye, y'all.