Of Peace and Podcasts Chapter 18

Aaron reads chapter 18 - Jen tries to survive the aftermath while Lana tries to apologize. 

Aaron discusses being ready to forgive, 1900's phone etiquette, and being there for your friends.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello! And welcome to a Peace and Podcast. I'm your host, Aaron Gorley, and we are gonna continue to dive into the heart of the of the young adult novel of Peace and Precipitation. We're gonna read chapter 18 and then we're gonna talk about um talk about it. We're gonna go into a little bit of commentary and different things like that. So chapter 17 kind of left us in this moment where it went from just absolute distraughtness, um, Jen flashing back to her life knowing it's gonna be different. And now she then she has this moment with God in the pouring autumn rain that kind of changes um her perspective. But she's still you know, still difficult times for sure. So in chapter 18, we're gonna kind of see um what goes from there. Where is she at now after she had um this awful, embarrassing, humiliating time, but then she had this moment with like God in her heart and we'll see where it kind of goes from there. Alright, so chapter 18 Saturday morning, Jen's eyes fluttered open. Light was pressing through her drawn Venetian blinds. Exhausted, Jen did not want to move. She rolled over a little and grabbed her iPod to check the time. eleven thirty three AM. Wow, I really slept in. Lena must be at work. She lay in bid for bed for a minute, staring blankly up at the ceiling. She felt so out of it, but there was something that she should remember, but couldn't. As she lay there half asleep, she started to realize it wasn't good whatever it was. She started to have a pit in her stomach, but her sleeping mind couldn't recall what she was so upset about. Her anxiety began to increase. Despite her best efforts to remember her, her eyelids started to close again, and she felt herself about to trip off to sleep, and then it flooded back. All at once she remembered everything. The slip, the fall, Lena screaming, her friends making fun, Morgan telling her they weren't friends, the rain, the moment of peace, everything. Jen's eyes were wide open as she recounted every moment. She wished she could go back to sleep, but her mind was racing and now she was suddenly wide awake. Jen sat up and pushed back the covers. She looked for her pink flip flops, inserted her toes, and noticed her fancy shoes covered in mud laying on the floor. She squinted at them in anger and grabbed them and threw them across the room. Dang shoes. That's what I get the one time I actually try to look nice. As she opened the door to head to the bathroom, whiffs of bacon, syrup, and Elena's buttery, starchy, extra delicious pancakes hit her nose and initiated hunger that Jen hadn't felt five seconds earlier. Elena often worked Saturday mornings, but obviously wasn't working today. After a quick trip to the bathroom, Jen yawned and walked downstairs. Walking through the living room to the dining room only made the delightful smell increase. There she saw Elena smiling, humming Moon River. Hi, Jen. Uh hi, mom. You don't have to work today? Jen said, wishing that her mom was at work. Well, I talked to Amy at work and she was willing to switch with me. Okay, Jen said, not wanting to say anything more. Jen noticed the clock again and figured that Lena was trying to make up for everything af by letting Jen sleep in. Jen wasn't sure if that she wanted to be fine with her mom just because she let her sleep in. Just thinking about it still made her her feel so out of it, as if her head were in the clouds. Well just eat your breakfast, honey, Lena said, as she handed a plate of delicious buttery pancakes with her famous strawberry maple syrup, whipped cream, and a couple of strips of bacon lying parallel on the top of the golden brown pancakes. Jen began to salivate just thinking about the bacon and pancakes. They looked ridiculously delicious. However, she wasn't sure if she wanted to eat them. She was still mad about what happened. While Jen was happy to have such a serendipitously tasty breakfast, she didn't want to accept the delicious looking olive branch when she was still so upset. But within moments she gave in. I can eat pancakes without accepting what my mom did. Jen's mouth was happy that her brain had arrived at this conclusion. About ten bites into her pancakes, the phone rang. Lena answered. Hello? Oh hi, yes. She is here. Yes, yes. Yeah, you can talk to her. She just woke up. She's eating her breakfast. She's eating pancakes and bacon. Jen rolled her eyes. Lena had this habit of giving away too much unnecessary information to people, especially while on the phone. Jen, it's for you. It's Miss Collins, the play director. Lena said the last three words in a whisper to give emphasis, as if Jen didn't know who she was. Okay, mom, just hand me the phone. Hello, Jen answered. Hi Jen. Hi Jen. This is Miss Collins from school. Hi, Miss Collins. Hey, I just wanted to say I'm sorry about for the other night. Yeah, okay. Uh well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry about what happened, Jen said while getting up from the table in order to distance herself from her mom. Lena started to follow, but then Jen shook her head and put a finger put up a finger to motion for her to stay, and Lena did. Jen continued, Yeah, yeah, I'm I'm really sorry. My mom uh she's hard to explain. Jen, don't even worry about it. Some of the other students told me all about her. Jen rolled her eyes in annoyance. God only knew what the other students had said about her. Okay, she said, r responding, not knowing what to say next. Yeah, Jen, I just don't want to stress you or your mom out anymore. So I just gave your part to another student for the next two shows. I just wanted to make sure you were okay, and I didn't want to want anything more to upset you or your mom. Oh okay. Thanks, Jen said without enthusiasm. Oh you're welcome, Jen. I just want you to be okay. Okay, thanks. Okay, Jen, well we'll we'll talk again soon. Bye. Bye. Almost immediately, Lena came over from round the corner, making it pretty obvious that she was eavesdropping. Jenny, Jenny, what what did she want? Is she calling to tell you what a good job you did? Jen shook her head. No, she didn't, Mom. She told me that I didn't have to come back the next two days. Maybe they think I need rest or something. I thought you said you were okay. Yeah, I am okay, but maybe they they think I'm not okay. Oh well it's probably best to rest up anyways. Yeah, I guess, Jen said with an eye roll. Jenny, I just want to say I'm sorry to you for what happened. I wanted to make breakfast for you to spend some time with you. Oh, okay, well thanks, I guess. I I don't know. I just I don't I don't think you are able to understand how embarrassing that was. I just understand how you didn't know that I was okay. You can't die from slipping and falling. Why did you think I was so hurt? It wasn't a big deal until you started screaming in front of the whole school. I just don't understand you. I I I don't know, Jenny. I I I just thought you were hurt. I was worried about you, Jenny. You could have been hurt so bad. No, Mom, I couldn't have. You were the only one in the entire place that thought that. Jenny, I think it's going to be okay. Will it, Mom? Will it be okay? Maybe okay for you, not for me. I'm gonna go take a nap. I'm still tired. Okay, Jenny, I'm sorry, I just want everything to be okay. Well, it's not okay. And Jen walked back to her room. When she got upstairs, she flopped on her bed and put her face into her pillow. She just left her face there for a moment, smooshed by the fluff and the pillowcase. She couldn't stop thinking about the call from Miss Collins. She was so annoyed and offended that she didn't let Jen come back. Shouldn't that be my decision? Did Miss Collins think she was really fooling me by telling me she's looking out for me and not wanting me to get stressed out, saying I need rest? I know she just didn't w doesn't want me to ruin her precious play again. The more Jen thought about it, how could she blame Miss Collins for not wanting train wreck part two? And how can I recover from that? The next day would be ridiculous. I know I'd be so ridiculously nervous. What would I tell mom? She'd be devastated if I told her she couldn't go, but how could she go? Maybe she deserves to have her feelings hurt. Still, I couldn't imagine what the other cast members would say. Maybe it is a good thing I'm not doing it. Why? Why does my mother have to be like this? She already ruined her own life. Why does she have to ruin mine too? Almost immediately, Jen knew that it was unfair to think of her mom that she had ruined her own life. All in all, Lena's life could be much worse. Jen, however, did not feel bad for thinking that her mom had ruined her life, though. She rolled over, lying there on her back, staring up at the ceiling, as tears began to roll down the sides of her face. She could feel the pillow on both sides of her face starting to get wet. The pervasive question in her mind again was why me? But a moment later, a feeling of overwhelming peace came over her again, and into her mind as if it had came from somewhere else. I know the plans I have for you. Plans to bless you, Jen. Not to hurt you. But plans to give you a hope and a future. Jen felt as if she were hearing anew, but not just remembering. She was again overwhelmed by a feeling of love. The only this the only difference this time is that the tears stopped when she felt it. She closed her eyes and was asleep moments later. Jen spent the rest of the day reading, napping, watching TV until her aunt Julie called towards dinner time. Jen, your mom told me what happened. How bad was it? Bad. Oh, how humiliating. Jen, I'm so sorry. Jen, I'll come down there in a week in a couple weeks and we'll catch up. Hang in there. If we weren't already away from the the weekend in Traverse City, I would come now. That's okay. I'll call you later if I get a minute. Okay. Okay, Jen, I love you. I gotta go. I love you too, Aunt Julie. Jen, Lena, and Ronnie were off to church the next morning. Jen walked in the first congregational community church. She looked around for Adam and Lindsay, as she did every week. Usually they were the ones that found her. Today, Jen looked throughout the service, turning her head to the side and even glancing behind to see if they were somehow sitting in the back. Yet Adam and Lindsay were nowhere to be found. Jen had brought the stylish rain jacket Lindsay had lent Jen while she was standing in the rain. Since Lindsay had been at the play, Jen felt that Lindsay was one of the few people that understood and might be a good person to talk to. She went back and forth about possibly calling Lindsay to talk but couldn't bring herself to it. She was kind of hoping Lindsay would call her, but it hadn't happened. Although Jen tried to distract herself with with homework books, music, and movies, she still felt like she was on a roller coaster ride, feeling devastated and depressed one moment, oddly numb another, and then almost hopeful toward life in the next. And that was chapter 18. Alright, so yep, that was yeah, that was that. You know, it's it's wild. Um I guess I'll start with the front of the chapter. You know, it's kind of interesting, like, you know, I don't know if you've ever had the same feeling where you woke up or like maybe it was just me because I like sleep so hard, so when I wake up, I'm like so out of it. But I've had days where like I was really upset about something, and I went to bed really upset, and I got up, and I almost felt like I kind of like knew um, you know, I knew there was something wrong. Like, like, why am I what is this like feeling? Like I feel like something's wrong, and I don't know what, I don't remember, and I have no idea what happened or what I'm upset about. And then as I start to wake up more and more, I'm like, oh yeah, that dang. Ugh. You know, like I think the gen was um, I don't know if you ever felt like that, but I have definitely had that, um, just being so out of it, like I didn't even know why. Like I feel like I'm like stressed out about something, but I don't know why. I've like a pit in my stomach, but I don't know what it is. And then finally, like wake up enough to remember, and I'm like, oh my gosh, that. I forgot about that. That sucks. And uh just kind of takes a moment from there. Um as the chapter goes on, you can see that Lena has the um decided to stay from work, so that's good that she like realized her daughter was struggling or and decided to to change her work schedule, to switch work schedule with another another person at work so she can make Jen breakfast. Um but Jen wasn't really, you know, obviously wasn't sure, you know, if she wanted to, she was feeling it or not. Um and you know, kind of like, you know, the one part where she kind of decides herself, like, look, I can eat breakfast and not be okay with my mom. Like my mom still, you know. Um, you know, I always watch this like funny video and stuff about like, you know, about people not being ready to not not being ready to hear an apology, right? This is one video, this one my wife sent me, and it's like amazing. And it was this girl saying, it was like this guy and this girl, and it's like when she's ready to apologize, she, you know, the girl comes in, like, oh baby, I'm sorry, and immediately the guy gives her a big hug and like just kind of holds her for a minute, it's like, oh, it's okay, it's okay, you know, no, you're sorry, blah blah blah. And then it was like the opposite, and it was like when he's ready to apologize to apologize, but like she's not, and then he goes over, like sits on the couch next to her, and like leans over to like you know, tell her he's sorry, and then she punches him in the face and shoves him off the couch, and it's like hilarious, and it is amazing. And I feel like I I'm so happy my wife sent that because I feel like that is sometimes us where like you know, I am quick to accept apology, and then sometimes my wife's not she's not feeling it yet. She's like, nope, I'm not ready to uh to get this apology yet. Um, and it's amazing that she sent that. So it was it was good. Um, but you know, Jen was kind of like this. Like, nope, I appreciate the breakfast, mom, but I am not ready for the apology yet. So that's just how it goes sometimes. Um, the next kind of part as this chapter goes on is that you know, Lena answers the phone and you know, Lena answers the phone and then have to talk. And I'm telling you right now, it is a different world that you can call, you can be like in high school and like call your friend directly. Bruh. This is definitely dating myself, but like as a barely millennial, um I'm almost like the generation before that, but as a barely still considered a millennial, I vividly remember having to call my friends and have to like talk to their parents before I am. You know, like literally before I ever had a chance to talk to my friends, I would have these little like kind of like like little talks of like their parents. Oh, hey Aaron, how are you doing today? Oh, it's good, how's cool? It's like, okay, I didn't really call to talk to you from you know, parent and friend, like friend of my or my parent of my friends. And it's a different world, especially like if you kind of like, you know, or like, you know, you're kind of like vibing with the girl and stuff, and then you know, you'd have the daddy answer be like, hello, who you trying to talk to? Who? Why you trying to talk to my daughter? And every once in a while they would like say something crazy like, Why you trying to talk to my daughter? And he'd be like, uh, because she's my friend, you know, or just something. Like it was just it was wild. Wild to have to uh it's a different world, man. And uh I never, you know, like Lena like telling too much information about like that, you know. I remember my parents would just be like, like, I didn't want them to say any information. Just hand me the phone, that was it. Everyone's in my daddy would be like, oh, he's in the bathroom, or oh, he's like doing this and this, and like, don't like don't tell him what I'm doing. Like, just like say, alright, I'll give it to you in a minute. Like, you know what I mean? It just kind of irritated me. Like, why are you giving this? Why are you talking about my business? Why you trying to tell the people what I'm doing, you know? Like, um, and then that was one of my things I enjoy writing about with Lena doing that to like a crazy scale, talking about every single thing that Chen is doing, kind of thing. Um just not having that filter to like, you know, it's need to know information that you know they don't know about it. So um, but it's a different world, man. I'm telling you, you can imagine like having to call or having to having to intermediate through your friends to like try to talk to your friends. Like it's so much easier just to like call or text your friends like directly. It's a difference, it's a different world kind of thing. You know, um, and then the next part of the chapter, just crazy, is the play director thing. And um, you know, just about how this I can just see this play direct, I can see it clear as day. Because the play director is like, oh, hey, well, I don't want my play ruined, so I'm just gonna like decide I'm quote unquote helping her by not letting her continue with the pre with the play, you know. And uh you can just I can just see that coming like a mile, like that's just absolutely something, absolutely something like a play director would do, you know, just this whole idea of like, oh, I'm helping this the student by not letting them do it, like, and I think it was pretty pretty easy to see through that. Even Jen was like, yeah, you're not fooling anybody by saying that. But at the same time, you know, after Jen, all the drama and embarrassment that she just went through, it was kind of like, yeah, I still okay, I guess I don't really want to come back anyways. So you can't really blame Jen either way about it. You know, and then the comment where uh Jen was not particularly happy when, you know, they said, you know, the students say, Oh, well, you know, the the other students told me all about all about your mom. Well, Jen would probably argue that none of those students really knew her mom at all. So why would they like who even knows what kind of like gossip they were like telling the play director, you know, especially after especially after like that dramatic, humili humiliating thing that the mom did, you know, I'm sure they're probably like all saying that you know their mom is like more crazy than she is or something, you know. Um not that she's really crazy, but um just more dramatic and having more issues than than even than she even it does kind of thing. Um so yeah, I can just imagine like you know, people talking, like gossiping about that and not really having any idea what they're actually talking about. So that sucks. And uh, you know, it was from that moment that she was able to kind of, you know, obviously was upsetting and going back to her room and kind of arguing with her mom. And I think it was good that she at least got it off her chest, like the things she wanted to say to her mom, and then you know, like mom, like I don't know if you can even like if you're even able to understand how embarrassing that was. You know, Lena's so kind of kind of oblivious to like social skills and stuff. I think she she obviously knows her daughter's like upset, but she doesn't I feel like she doesn't fully like understand why. Um so I think that's you know, being in that moment and then going upstairs and just you know being really emotional again, and then you know, in the midst of that, it's not that she was like remembering, but it unless she felt like God was speaking to her the same thing again. I actually had a time in my life where. Um I kind of had this like a moment with God where I felt like God was like really speaking to me in a deep, like a personal way. And um then later in the day, like I went to like a church service like that evening or whatever and I had someone like, you know, pray for me. And I just kind of felt like I had that like that same it was almost like God was telling me again, it wasn't like me. It's not like I remembered it while I was praying, it was almost like I had the same like moment again. I'm like, you know, bawling my eyes out. Like I feel like just felt like God's like presence and stuff um so so strongly. And um yeah, I mean I just saw I kind of wrote it like the same way where where it's not just that she was remembering, it was like that she really felt like God again was like reminding her of like what he had told her and like you know, speaking to that over to her again. And like one of the last things like in the chapter is that you know she is struggling until she has um she ends up talking with her like aunt, right? Her Aunt Julie. Shout out to Aunt Julies, both my wonderful Aunt Julie as well as um you know my wife's Aunt Julie, which is the reason why I decided to go with that that character. You know, I'm like what's a perfect name for an aunt. Anyways, I have other ants too. Shout out to Lynn and Cindy, anyways. Um gotta shout out your aunts every now and then, you know? All good. Anyway, so um, but yeah, no, just that you have to have those people in your life. This is really what I'm your life. Your life, those people in your life that you can talk to. You know, I had a friend recently that I was talking to him, and he was just like, Thank you so much for like just being here that I can like talk, like I'm you know, I'm going through a tough time, and just like it makes a really big difference to have that. And I just remember like that's almost like I just kind of turned to him and was like, bro, this is like life. Like, I there's so many times where this this was me. Like, I needed someone to talk to, and I had people in my life, like I had, you know, my parents are such wonderful people, they're easy to talk to. You know, my my good friends and you know, pastors I've had where I can like kind of pour out my heart to them, be like, hey, this is going on in my life, and it sucks, and I I don't even know what to feel like, you know, and I feel like this and I feel guilty, whatever, you know, whatever, whatever you know, the circumstance was like it's so um you just have to have those people in your life, and if you're lacking that, it is awful because like you just need people you can put like trust, people especially because people that you consider like are wise, they have like wisdom, that you can kind of like really go to, and that is just a natural human thing that every single person needs in your life, and um, so if you don't have that, you can just seek that out. Try to find some people that you know you trust their opinions, not like, oh my gosh, I I totally agree with you with everything you say. You should start smoking crack because that's what your heart wants. So just follow your heart, right? No, you need friends that be like, no, don't do that. That's stupid, don't smoke crack, right? Or like whatever. I'm just being ridiculous, but um, but yeah, you want to people that like you know wise enough to like tell you that you're being stupid, not just uh go along with every single thing you say. Um yeah, sorry, I have no idea what I'm talking about, smoking crack right now, but that wasn't on the podcast agenda, but here we are. Anyways, um, but yeah, you know, just like you want people that are gonna tell you to uh to make good decisions and stuff like that. Um and then the chapter kind of just ends with um, you know, it just ends with like you know her feeling kind of up and down, you know, even after you sometimes you have these like moments of victory in your life or times where you were you like you're okay, you kind of have hope. I've just found like still like life is still kind of feels up and down. Like I've had those times where like you know, you just your emotions change from like one moment to the next. Like one moment you feel good about it, you're like, alright, okay, things are gonna be okay. And then other moments you're like, nope, things are not gonna be okay. Life still sucks, like and you just kind of go up and down, and I just feel like that's such a when things are going poorly, it just feels like life is always gonna be ups and downs. Um life is always a little bit up and down, but like obviously it's it's harder to see that it will get up again when you are in the midst of something that is not going well. So alright, we'll have to see what continues going continues to happen these last couple chapters. So we gotta like uh two or three more chapters, and then we'll do some other kind of fun episodes after that. But that's we're getting coming towards the end of everything. So hopefully you've been enjoying it, and that's uh the pad podcast is going well with you. And thank you for listening. You're doing a great job with that. Just want to tell you that you're just just your listening skills spot on. So, all right, take care. Love you guys. Goodbye.