Of Peace and Podcasts Chapter 19

Aaron reads chapter 19 - Jen finds her way back to school and notices that more people know of her embarrassing school play than she had realized and Lindsey shares some news while meeting for coffee. 

Aaron discusses school kids, meaningful relationships, and a downside to youth ministry. 

Transcript

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Hello, welcome to the Peace and Podcast. I'm your host, Aaron Gorley. And as a podcast, we're gonna listen to this wonderful young adult novel, A Peace and Precipitation. Chapter by chapter, episode by episode. So today we are deep in the book into chapter 19. So we'll get about three more chapters and or epilogues. So we'll have to figure out what's going on from there. So chapter 18, she comes back. Um she's kind of not looking forward to school. She kind of has the aftermath of all the stuff with the play, and she is nervous about school. Um, but trying to stay kind of peaceful, and she's kind of feeling all kinds of emotions where she kind of feels um just the all the bad emotions that came with everything that happened, but then also some good ones. She felt like kind of like uh the first time in her life, like God was really kind of like speaking to her and uh kind of giving her peace, yet she still kind of had some anxiety despite that and all that. So chapter 19, we're gonna get into it. Um she goes back to school and uh ends up having an impromptu meeting that um goes interesting, we'll say, with a character. Alright, but let's kind of let's kind of just get right into it. Chapter 19. Monday was back to school. She had been trying to avoid thinking about school. She had been semi-successful up until last night. She lay awake in bed for hours worrying and then tossed and turned all night until morning. Her first concern was the bus. Luckily, the bus trip ended without anyone saying a word to her. I wonder if I'm making too big of a deal about that. Maybe in two days' time people already forgot. There were too many people there. There weren't too many people there. Maybe only a few people know what happened. As she was entering the building, however, she saw two girls walking about fifteen feet ahead of her and point in her direction. Jen took a quick look behind her. There was a cute boy with a long sleeved, plaid shirt and skinny jeans. Jen tried to convince herself she was overreacting. You're being paranoid, Jennifer, she told herself with pi with fake confidence. But it wasn't a moment later when two hipster-looking guys entering the school of Jen turned and pointed and said, My baby, mocking Lena's high pitched voice, and then busted up laughing and turned in the opposite direction. Jen closed her eyes for a second, slight and slightly shook her head. The embarrassment and the pain came flooding back. After an indifferent bus ride, Jen had felt hopeful, but within twenty five seconds of entering the building, it started. Jen walked towards her locker, following the double row of fluorescent lights that hung from the ceiling. She found it strange that these two guys just happened to be at the play. She remembered looking out and seeing mostly family of the cast and very few students from her school. And the ones that were there seemed to be mostly girls. As she walked, she saw no less than three groups of people pointing at her and laughing while walking in the opposite direction down the hall. Several students looked at their phones and then Jen and then back to their phones and then back up at Jen asked to check if Jen was the same person as on their phones. Then it hit her. That stupid video. Everyone knows there could be thousands of people that saw that video. Everyone in the entire school must have seen that video by now. Jen's heart dropped and her stomach turned to knots. She could almost feel her face flush with color. She knew that part of the reason she had felt detached from what happened is that she didn't have access to social media in her home. Elena was not one of the 99% of the world's population who thought that the internet was a necessity. And up until a couple weeks ago, Jen had been using their neighbor's Wi-Fi password Wi-Fi without a password. But apparently the neighbor got a new internet service and now their internet was password protected. Jen put her head down and took out her iPod touch and pretended to be to look through it in order to remain unnoticed. She wished she had her earbuds there with her so that she could drown out the noise too. She couldn't connect with the school Wi-Fi either because it was only for teachers and school sanctioned devices. Jen knew that she couldn't actually use her iPod to check messages, but at least she liked but she liked to at least make it appear like she had a phone like everyone else. Jen glanced up every few seconds to make sure that she didn't run into students ahead of her as she walked down the hall. Yet she still heard people in a high pitched voice calling Jenny, Jenny, you need a doctor. Jen felt sick to her stomach and her head felt spacey for a moment. As Jen stocked stopped at her locker for a minute to grab her stuff, she shook her head and thought, I wish this locker could absorb me. I was s I wish I was small enough that I could step inside and shut myself in. I could hide there and not be seen. Maybe I could just take a nap while standing up. This is where I live now. Okay, maybe not, but maybe I can go home sick. Her thoughts were interrupted as she saw Mr. Doss coming through the hallway. He was looking at Jen and began walking with pace towards her. It was clear he was coming to talk to her. Jen pondered the last few days. I'm not in trouble, am I? Did I do something? Was it because I cussed at those kids? Oh shoot, am I in trouble for real? Mr. Doss was so large that Jen had to keep tilting her head back and back to look at him. When he finally stood before her, Jen was overwhelmed with fear that he was going to yell at her. Mr. Doss was about seven inches taller than the lockers and was about three or four lockers across. Ah Jen, hey. I just wanted to tell you tell you not to listen to those other kids. I saw what happened Friday, and I I heard them talking already. Mr. Doss spoke with a deep voice that was firm but kind. Hey, don't let them get to you. Ignore them. These kids walk around here like they're so cool and know everything. They're idiots. They don't know nothing. They ridicule other students because they think that makes them feel like they're better, but they're not. High school is short. Before they know it, everything is gone, and all they did was put others down, and they are left with nothing. Don't pay any attention to them. You're a very nice girl, and you seem to have a bright future in front of you. Don't let them get you down. And if you ever need anything, don't be afraid to ask me. Jen just stood there for a second. Part of her was annoyed that Mr. Doss had already heard students talking about her. However, she was a little encouraged and a lot surprised to hear Mr. Doss speak to her. She hesitated to say any something. Mr. Doss looked as if he felt awkward that he had spoken that many sentences to one human at one time. It was by far the most Jen had ever heard him talk. Okay, thank you, Jen said, trying to sound appreciated appreciative. You're welcome, he said, in a very matter of fact manner, and with that, Mr. Doss turned and marched off in the opposite direction. Jen was more than happy when the final ben bell rang. She rushed out of class, and while normally she was annoyed when other students pushed to get out the doorway, today she was the one bumping into students to get out the door. Luckily, her class had a close exit toward the buses. Jen jogged toward the exit and through the doors. She noticed a woman standing near the buses. She realized it was Lindsay Jenkins. Jen remembered the jacket. She definitely didn't have it at school. Lindsay smiled, but there was a seriousness in her expression. Hey, Jen, can we talk for a few minutes? Oh hey, sorry, I don't have the jacket with me. Oh ha, yeah, not about the jacket. I'm okay. You can keep it for all I care. Oh, okay, Jen said, as if not sure if she really meant it, but wouldn't be opposed to keeping such a nice jacket. Can we go out for some tea this afternoon? I checked with your mom. She said it was fine. Oh, okay. Yeah. Let me just tell the bus driver to tell Ronnie not to wait for me. Jen yelled up to Betty to to tell Ronnie not to wait. She reluctantly agreed, but reminded Jen that she wasn't an answering service. Turning to Lindsay, she said, Yeah, that's Betty. Ha charming. So I don't really know of any tea places, but I heard a local coffee place has good tea. I'm parked over the here. Jen followed Lindsay over to her Honda Civic and hopped in for the short trip to a local coffee spot. Wow, it really is called the coffee coffin. I thought I misread that when I googled it, Lindsay said. Yeah, apparently it used to be a funeral home, and instead of redeck redecorating everything, they just decided to go with it and keep all the decor. I've never been there, but I always hear kids from school talking about it. Okay, well I guess we'll see for ourselves. Yeah, I guess it's like the local hipster hangout or something. As long as they have good coffee, I could care less. Sure enough, the coffee coffin looked like a funeral home from 40 years ago, complete with faded vintage flower wallpaper, but with a coffee bar. The one strange exception was next to the counter and cash register where one would usually find table a table with cream, spoons, lids, sugar and stirrers. There was a wooden coffin standing upright with shelves inside of it. On the shelves were the us usual coffee condiments. It was both funny and creepy. Half and half, Jen thought. Lindsay ordered a pumpkin spice flat white, and Jen ordered a papaya passion fruit tea. After Lindsay ordered and pay, she leaned over to Jin. Jen and said, Should I be scared to go get a lid? Maybe, Jen said with a giggle. They sat down at a table with Lindsay facing the door. Jen, sorry this is such such short notice. There's just something I want to talk to you about. But first, how are you? Lindsay said. This last part was seemingly genuine concern. She paused and looked right into Jen's eyes as if she was searching for pain. She continued, when Jen hesitated to respond, you know about what happened at play. I can only imagine how humiliating that would be. Yeah. Jen just sat for a moment, not sure what to say, and not sure how much she really wanted to open up about everything she thought. She hadn't really talked to anyone about what had happened, even though she she had wanted to talk to Lindsay. Now that she was right there in front of her, she felt stupid talking to her. Lindsay just waited in keeping eye contact. Jen looked down. The silence went only a few seconds was starting to get to her. I don't know, Jen said. With a sigh. Today was hard. There's a video of it. Wait, like someone caught it and put it on YouTube? Yeah, YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, Snapchat. All of those. I've had lots of people I've never even met before just coming up to me and making fun of me. Oh my gosh, Jen, I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine. Wow, that's something I don't envy about growing up now. When I was in high school, the cameras and phones were so bad that the videos recorded looked looked took forever to load or were so blurry that it was almost pointless to to try to record video. Now it's crystal clear HD video ready in a half second to record your life's most embarrassing moments. Oh my gosh, Jen, I can't even imagine. Yeah, that's kind of like the worst part. It was my best friend that recorded it and posted it. What? Are you sure? Yeah, I overheard her as she was telling people that she that she was with that we weren't even friends. Oh my gosh, that's awful. Yeah, we've been friends since third grade, but now she has new friends and a new boyfriend or whatever. Yeah, I just don't know. I kind of just don't care anymore. Jen, I'm so so sorry. Yeah, I mean, like, it's so annoying. Like, what's wrong with people, you know? Like they don't have anything else to do but make fun of other people. Yeah, people are like that. They literally would try to find anything they possibly can about you to degrade you in order to feel better about themselves. You're an easy target, so everyone piles on. Yeah. You know, part of me was scared people would find out about my mom, but now everybody knows. I don't have to be scared about that anymore. That was one of my biggest fears coming to high school, but secrets out. Now it's just dealing with all the annoying students. John, that's a really mature way to think about it. Not sure I know many ninth graders that think think like that, but you're right. It's over. The worst has happened, and you're still standing. It's going to get better from here. I sure hope so. It doesn't look like that. That's going to be any time soon, Jen replied with another sigh. You're a special girl, Jen Morris. I think God has big plans for you. It's kinda weird to say, but I kind of felt like I don't know. I guess I felt like God was like telling me that or something. Yeah, like the other day when that happened into play, I like felt like Jesus or God, like speaking like in my mind. Really? Like, what do you mean? Like you felt like God was speaking to you or something? Yeah, I don't know. I was like I was so like angry about everything everything when it happened. I was just sort of angry crying in the rain, and then all of a sudden, like I had this thought in my mind, but it like wasn't from me. Somehow I knew it was Jesus and he was going to help me, and he had plans for my life. Wow, that's incredible, Jen. There's nothing like when God fills your heart with his peace. Lindsay paused and looked right at Jen. She looked like she looked a little like like she was going to cry. Yeah. I think like I felt that and still feel it, but like not all the time. Well, yeah, you won't always feel amazing. You'll have some really bad days, but we have hope in God, and he will work everything out for the good, even when it even when we don't feel like it. Yeah. Jen said thoughtfully. She looked up at Lindsay and she still seemed upset. Jen. Lindsay paused and looked down. Jen, there's something I have to tell you. Adam and I are no longer gonna be youth ministers at church. Jen stared blankly at Lindsay. Really? I finally have people in my life that I can talk to and they're gone. Of course. I can't really get into everything that happened and all that, but we're going to be leaving the church. We're going to maybe try to stay in the area or something, but honestly, we're not sure what's going to happen. Oh, Jen said, unsure of what to say. Yeah, Jen, I'm so sorry, but don't worry. We'll stay in contact. God has us in each other's lives for a reason. Even if we move away, I'm still really good at staying in touch with people. I even have friends from elementary school still. Okay, Jen said, pretending her heart had not dropped. They talked for a few more minutes before Lindsay had to get going. Before she dropped Jen off, she encouraged her to continue praying more since her experience. Jen left Lindsay's car and walked up to her house. Okay, God, what now? Not sure these good plans for me entail losing people who care about me. And that was chapter 19. Alright, so kinda got a lot going on there. Um kind of ends in a tough spot for Jen for sure. Um having finally kind of had someone to s to talk to, kind of someone to talk to in her life. Um, you know, besides her like Aunt Julie and everything. And having lost her friend, seemingly lost her friend Um Morgan. Lindsay seemed like she's one of her her only friends left, and now they're gonna be leaving their church and going somewhere. Um yeah, so kind of a kind of a tough break. Um, I'm gonna talk a little bit more about that in a minute. Um but yeah, kind of going back to uh the school day um where the chapter starts, you know, kids are just brutal sometimes. Like I know I've said that before, but like, you know, as a teacher, I've seen it a lot. You know, I've gone through school a lot in my life, and uh even I remember very vividly the things that people made fun of me for in like middle school and even like high school sometimes. And sometimes just the dumbest stuff people like make fun of you for. Um doesn't say anything. So especially when like someone has actual real reason to kind of be made fun of, um, you know, it's pretty rough. You know, it's kinda I feel like almost I feel like almost like nowadays like kids are like maybe slightly nicer, maybe they're not. I don't know. I'm a you know, I I teach mostly elementary school and college, so like I don't really know what high schoolers are like these days. High schoolers that I have, I see it like youth group, like at our church youth group and stuff seem like I don't know, they seem like super nice kids. Um so I don't know what actually like you know high school, high school is like these days, but I feel like generally like they maybe are slightly nicer. And I think part of the thing is is that there's maybe been like a kind of a push for having better like mental health, so I think and like anti-bullying. So I think because they push for those things, like maybe they're slightly nicer, like kids, than they were. Because I feel like the anti-bullying thing was like not much of a thing. Like it kind of was like a little bit when I was like in high school, but like you know, now I feel like it's much more like pronounced, like, oh, we should not bully people. That's a terrible idea because people need good mental health and all that, blah blah blah blah blah. Not blah blah blah blah, but I don't want to comment more about it. Um yeah, so we got uh Mr. Doss talking with the with the thing with uh Jen. And uh I like the one part where it says uh you know, Mr. Doss felt felt awkward having sp spoken that many sentences to one human being, you know, which is I don't know, it's just funny. I think that's funny because I've I feel like I've met people like that where they just felt it like absolutely awkward for the to like say anything, you know, and that if someone actually someone does not ever talk, like actually talks for a long time, you kind of look at them like wow, I didn't realize you've never heard you talk that much before. Um so he's kind of one of those people like that. Um yeah, you know, and then you know as the chapter goes on, um uh one of the things that I want to kind of mention, this is like a total deep, deep dive Easter egg that probably only like people in my immediate family like know this, and by immediate I mean like my wife and children. But we used to we had this made-up song at our house. Um, well, first I'll say that Jen. So Jen says, she says, I wish I could just like disappear in this locker. I wish I could fit in this locker, be you know, wish I was small enough to fit here. I can like just stay here and like live in this thing. And then I then wrote, This is where this is where I live now. So that is a direct quote from a song that we made up from used to sing to our kids when they were really little. Somehow we had this joke to where um like one of our kids and it was like Asher or whatever, I don't know, like he was was staying somebody made a little house, and we sang this song.

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This is where I live now. This is where I live now.

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So we used to kinda just like sing this like silly song. Like we would like have new places. And we that's all it was. It was just like those two lines. We'd just like sing it like we just kind of repeat over and over. But that was a little household song that we for some reason made up that I don't know. I don't even know if my kids remember because like you know, we had probably haven't talked about said sang it too much to them as they've gotten older, but um, but that was a song, so I actually added that into the book um where she said, you know, she just says in passing, this is this is where I live now. So yeah. Um, anyways, so you know, moving on to uh, you know, as the chapter continues, we have um, you know, they go go for coffee. And I want to talk for a minute about the coffee coffin because I completely made that up in my imagination, and it sounds awesome. I wish it'd be an old funeral home that they would like turn into a coffee shop and use a coffin for places to put your, you know, like make shelves out of the coffin for like all like the coffee condiments, right? That would be like so cool. That would be so creepy and cool. Half and half, if you will. I hope you thought that was funny because I thought that was funny too. Anyways, so that's over my favorite parts. Um, sometimes it sounds weird that like I I don't know, I feel like I'm a little bit detached from this book because I haven't like you know, I wrote this like I don't know, I wrote most of this book like six or seven years ago. So it's almost like after the fact, but it sounds weird. I'm like, oh my gosh, I wrote that like so amazing. Like it just sounds like weird, like talking about how Austin wrote something. But no, some of the some of the stuff like you know, you kind of go back and you kind of like appreciate like the the jokes. I don't know if you've ever done that before. You like go back to some of your old work from back in the day and you're like, oh, that is kind of cool, you know. I don't know. So I feel like it's it's less uh a little bit less like that. A little of an explain a brag, if you will. Um that's a community reference if you catch that anyone. Kudos if you do. Anyways, explain a break. Alright, but coffee coffin sounds awesome, like legit. Like I would think that'd be so cool, kind of thing. Funor homes don't really like go out of business very much, though. You know what I mean? They're kind of like there and kind of because people kind of always die, sadly. Um, they don't really go out of business very often. Um, but if they ever did, it would be awesome to turn it into a coffee shop. The coffee coffin, man, that just sounds so cool to me. I would totally go there. Anyways, so they go to this place and then uh it was cool. So it was cool that Jen kind of had this moment to like kind of like, you know, talk to like Lindsay and kind of like pour her heart out to her a little bit. And it was so cool and so wholesome, and then it's like boom, nope. We have to leave you with some bad news. And then she's like talking about um, you know, that that her and Adam are leaving the church, which is crazy because a couple months earlier, a couple chat a few chapters earlier, you know, Jen didn't even want anything to do with it. She was kind of like mad that they even hired a youth minister because she did not want to go to church more. And then now that she actually did and had this like good relationship with uh Adam and Lindsay, she was like, Man, this is uh, you know, I I love these people. These people are like really, you know, they mean a lot to me and I think so. So it ended up being an actual like really rough thing that they were leaving. Um you know, man, and I you know, having been a youth pastor at several places, um it's tough. It's really tough. Like, you know, and I've also remember even when I was in middle school, we had this like youth pastor, right? It was like middle school and then maybe like ninth grade. Nah, I think it was just middle school. So, like my middle school youth group, youth pastor, pastor Dan, he was awesome, and he was so funny and so cool, and everything. And then he like left our church, and I remember just being like, man, that sucks. I didn't really even want to go to youth group, and this guy's like so cool, and now we either not gonna have a youth pastor or like somebody else come in, but honestly, he probably won't be as cool or whatever as Pastor Dan was. And I don't know, it's just I remember just really just being like kind of like bummed out by that. Kind of like, man, this guy was like really cool. I kind of was starting to connect with him, even though I was like uh even though I was like pretty young, um, you know, it felt pretty good. And then our next next year's pastor being like totally awesome. Like Pastor Stan was um some ways even awesomer in some ways, and probably probably me, you know, going to high school and just a little bit different time in my life. Um, yeah, I mean, so it's really it would end up working out, but I remember just kind of being like, man, I don't even know what to do now. And I feel like Jen's kind of like at a spot where she's even more like kind of like more yearning for connection, kind of even than maybe I was um when I was in middle school and everything, so I think this is kind of like harder news for her to hear altogether. Um I've also kind of been on the other side, man. I've left churches as like a youth minister. And I remember just being kind of like you know, you almost whether you think it's the right thing to do or not, you always kind of feel in the back of your head that like am I abandoning these people like so much? Especially when you like have connections with people that like you know really appreciate the connection, or maybe don't like have it as much. You know, you have like people like you know that come from like really strong, like awesome families, and like you know, they might be like a little bit sad, but you know they'd be okay. But it's like the people that like maybe don't have that is always harder when you're like, man, like I'm leaving, and I know it's kind of the thing that like I have to do kind of thing, but I sort of low key feel like I'm like abandoning these people a little bit and everything. And I remember one of the pastors, Pastor Shou to Pastor Beck. Um one thing he said one time, he said, like, you know, you leave. He's like, you leave something like we like say it wrong, but something along the lines of you leave a position, but you never leave the people. And I was I kinda thought that was really interesting. And going back, it was kind of like it was kinda ended being true. Like, hey, like I still stay in contact with a good number of people that I was their youth pastor for. Um and it was years ago. I mean, like, I'm we're all like I'm like, it's so crazy. Like we're getting close to like 20 years from like the one the one youth pastor position that I was at that was probably maybe one of the most impactful like times of like ministry I had in my life was almost 20 years ago now. And it's wild that I still like stay in contact with like quite a few of uh quite a few of the the kids who are now just like my friends almost. It's like weird, like you know, the dynamic shifts. Like at some point, you know, they're not just some random kid, like these are full-on grown adults in their like 30s, you know. Like, so um, you know, it's just it's wild. Like it's wild that dynamic shifts where like these people are like, you know, these these students are just like your friends now, you know, at some point. And uh, you know, it's uh but it's a it's a being good, you know. Do your best to stay with people and to try to be with them in their life and encourage them. And it's weird, like, you know, every once in a while talking to them about their marriages and stuff. It's like, wow, it's not something that we we talked about in youth group, you know, back in back when they were you know 16 or 17 in our youth ministry. And uh it's kind of wild how kind of things change, but it's kind of it's always an honor to kind of be in people's lives and still try to still be a good influence in their lives and everything they do. So we'll have to see what happens next chapter in chapter 20. Try to figure out what happens to Jen. What does she do? Um, what happens with this whole Lindsay thing, and stuff like that. And she's kind of in this part where she just kind of feels um still kind of in a rough spot. So hopefully things turn up a little bit better. We'll see in these last couple, these last couple sections of the of the book. So if you're gotten this far, hopefully like at least listen to the last couple episodes, see what happens to the book. And I hope you're enjoying the podcast. So thank you so much for listening. Please, if you have any questions about the book or comments, or anything you want to say, um, I would love to bring you to me, some kind of message or whatever, and you can be featured in the episode of this podcast. Right, we'll probably do a whole uh maybe a couple different QA episodes uh after we're finishing the book. And we have some special guests and different things like that. But for in the meantime, thank you for listening.