No One Tells You How Hard Building the Life You Want Really Is (Your 30s)

Building the life you want is meaningful — but it’s also challenging in ways people don’t often talk about.

In this episode, I’m opening up about what it truly takes to grow your life, business, and confidence in your 30s — while you’re still in it, learning as you go.

This conversation is for anyone who’s doing the work, showing up, and realizing that growth doesn’t always feel inspiring in the moment.

We talk about:

• The unseen emotional work behind building a life you love
• Why confidence often comes after action
• What this season of growth can really feel like
• Letting go of pressure to have it all figured out

If you’re walking through your own becoming — you’re not alone.

New episodes weekly. Thanks for listening 🤍

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:12

Hey girls, and welcome back to the CO of Me, the podcast where we're learning how to become the woman in charge of our lives, our decisions, and most importantly, our future. And in today's episode, we're getting really real. I'm not gonna come on here and act like I have it all figured out. Instead, I'm gonna come on here and talk about how I'm actively building and how I quite frankly am figuring it out as I go. I'm actively building my life, my business, my confidence all at the same time. And if you feel like you're in that season too, then this episode is definitely for you. I think a lot of people assume that once you graduate or you pick a career, that everything is just gonna fall into place. And I can't even lie, when I was a lot younger than I am right now, I thought the same exact thing, but I'm quickly realizing that that is not the case for a lot of people, and definitely not the case for me. I actually went to school for psychology at first, and then I quickly realized that that wasn't my vibe, and I switched to journalism. And I basically did this degree that was integrated marketing communications that included PR, social media, and of course, marketing. And that was my plan. I did all these internships, and after college, I was like, okay, I knew exactly where I'm gonna go. I know the agency I want to work for, I had it all figured out. I even knew the outfits that I wanted to wear going into the office. Like, I knew that that's what I was gonna do. I even did internships with big companies like Caesars Palace, Magic, Golden Entertainment, all these companies because I was like, this is what I'm gonna do. Let me get some practice in. And as soon as I graduated and I dived right into the field and I got the job that I wanted, I quickly realized that the nine to five just was not for me. I don't know if it was more so the agency that I worked at, or if it was the work, or if it was the schedule. I think it was like everything combined into one. Soon as I would come in the office and it was this very gray cubicles, no music playing, no natural lighting, no plants. Like it was dull. So, so dull. And every day I was going there, I was like, this is not my life. This is not how I want my life to be. And most importantly, it just didn't align with my future life that I had in my head since I was a child. I always knew that I wanted more, I always knew the life that I wanted to live. I just did not know how to get there at that young of an age. But this job for sure was not the way that I was gonna get there. But in hindsight, technically, it's a way because without that experience, I wouldn't have had all the other future experiences. But just stay with me. It it just wasn't it wasn't in my brain space for me to really be like, oh yeah, this is gonna take me there. I knew for a fact that schedule was not gonna take me there. So I got out. Once I quit, it was three months after I got hired. I know, three months, I know. But when I'm not happy, I'm out, and you should be too. But do it smart. So once I quit, I got an internship with Life is Beautiful, and this was an unpaid internship. Yeah, unpaid. So I left a full time job with benefits, salary, all of that stuff for a full unpaid internship. It sounds just as crazy as it was, but I knew that I had to do this, and in my head, I was like, you know, I don't like this kind of PR and I don't like this kind of marketing. Maybe I'll like festival marketing. I love music festivals, I love the energy. I'm a music junkie, so I thought that maybe this was gonna be a different pace and it was gonna be more fun. And yes, it was a lot more fun, it was a lot more exciting being actually in the festival and doing social media and doing all the pre-work before the festival was even more fun. But I realized once again that that's not what I was looking for. And back then I didn't know the word for it, but now I know that it was fulfillment. I was looking for fulfillment in my work, I wanted to feel like I was contributing to a bigger picture or a bigger purpose, and I wanted to be passionate about the work that I was doing, and that just didn't do that for me at all. And so this risk was scary. And although I knew that it felt right, it was super scary because how the heck was I gonna pay my bills? But you know what? The second day at the internship, one of the CEOs came to me and said, Hey, you know, one of our speakeasies downtown is looking for a hostess. Are you looking for a job? I'm like, yeah, I actually just quit my job, so I'm looking for a job. And look how that worked out. That is why a lot of times there is big opportunities on the other side of taking risk. Taking calculated risk at that. I'm not just saying, you know, do things that don't make sense, but take a calculated risk. I knew leaving that position, going to this internship was the right fit, and I already had it lined up. I didn't just leave and not have anything lined up. I definitely had the internship lined up already, but I did not know a job was gonna come from that. So take the risk. There is beautiful things on the other side of that risk. So during that time, I had a lot of time to really think about okay, what am I gonna do next? This internship and this job is great. The internship was temporary because after the festival, that that was it. And so I had a lot of time to think and I was like, what do I want to get into next? And I was looking at my sister, loving her life. She's a cosmetologist, and I was like, oh my goodness, her schedule is so sick. She comes and goes as she pleased. Her clients make an appointment with her when her schedule is open. And I saw some of her clients leaving her chair. When I would leave my sister's chair, you walk off feeling so confident. Your shoulders are a little more broader, you're walking a little taller, and you're just feeling like that girl after you get your hair done. And I was like, I want that. That's the kind of feeling I want to give. That feels fulfilling. And I had already been getting my lashes done for years, so I was like, maybe lashes is my thing. I knew hair was not gonna be it. So I said, okay, let's try lashes and invested $1,200 into a lash course. Didn't know anything about the company except that I was getting my lashes done from them. Took the class and wow, I fell in love. I sucked at first, like we most people do suck doing lashes at first. It's a very, very unique skill. And I sucked at first, but I didn't care. I was like, I gotta make this money back somehow. I gotta make this $1,200 back somehow. And back then, $1,200 was a lot, and it still is to me. But I feel like people's perception of $1,200 has definitely changed. But for me, $1,200 was still, is still a lot of money and was a lot of money. So after the class, I was like, I gotta, even if I suck at this, I'm gonna figure it out because I gotta make this money back. So I bugged my friends, family to practice on them and get better. And I eventually got so much better because of the practice and the feelings of making someone feel beautiful, making someone feel confident. That kept me going. And so I pivoted. I went right into the beauty industry, left corporate, and dived headfirst in the beauty industry, and it was the best decision I've ever made. And I'm not gonna lie, that transition was extremely scary. But with my family and my support system, they all made it feel like it was okay, you know, because there's a lot of pressure when you leave college to stay in the field that you're working in and to use your degree and not waste all that time and money that you spent in college. And so I feel like a lot of people stay in their field because of that. But I was like, no, and thank God for my family and my friends who supported me and said it doesn't matter. You don't have to work in your field, and also speaking to my peers and my colleagues, and they gave me some really serious insight about the amount of people that actually aren't really working in their field after college. So I was like, okay, perfect. The beauty industry, here I am. I'm here. So by that time, I was done being a hostess and I was ready to really build up my clientele. I figured I had my time down, I felt like my sets were turning out pretty decently. So I was done with the hostessing and I was my own boss full time. I was working for my house, and that was incredible. That was so incredible. Coming out of college, it was like a year after college that I had become my own boss. And although that that was in the full plan, I knew that I was gonna be a business owner since I was a child. Like I knew it. I just didn't think it was gonna happen that fast after college, but God always has other plans. And because of my degree, I was able to do contract work. So while I was building my clientele, I was still able to make money because at the beginning, you just don't have the clientele. It just is not there. They don't just come knocking on your door. You literally have to go out and find them. And so while I was doing that, I was able to still bring money in by doing contract work. And I was running people's social media pages, I was doing their marketing, I was doing it all. I was so hungry back then, I would have ran anyone's Instagram page. Give me the login, I will do it for you. Don't worry. I'll take all the photos, I'll take the videos, and I will post it for you. Don't worry. And it was a great way to do work on the side without having to physically be in the office and make my own hours and make my own schedule. When you work for yourself and you are fully in control of your income, you're gonna grind. You're gonna go to those meetings, you're gonna follow up with those clients, you are going to respond to those emails, you're gonna go to the mixers and mingle and meet all the people and pass out all the business cards. Uh, I went to so many mixers back then. It was, it was filthy. It was filthy, but I had to. That was the only way I was gonna make money by shaking hands, introducing myself to people, being in the right rooms. That was the only way that I was gonna get clients for my last business and for the contract work. And that time taught me so much about myself, and it gave me this immense amount of confidence. I knew all along that I was building something. I knew that these little steps were gonna get me to the bigger part of my dreams and my goals. So, as you can tell, I've always had my hands in multiple things. And thanks to my incredible mom, she always told me that it was important to have multiple streams of income. So, because of that, I was like, okay, let me have income from here. Let me have income from here, let me do this, let me do this, let me do this. And it was exhilarating. It was a high because as a woman, I think it feels so good to know that you can take care of yourself without any help. It's a high, honestly. It's a high. Don't get me wrong. I'm definitely excited for someone to take over. But until then, I got this. Of course, with working for yourself and with taking risks, it all starts with confidence. You have to believe in yourself. You have to believe that you can do it and that no matter what, that you will be able to make an income from the gifts and the talents that you possess. I'm so grateful that my parents instilled that confidence in me and my sisters at a very, very young age. I specifically remember them telling us these really positive affirmations, telling us you can do it. You're amazing, you're beautiful, anything you put your mind to, you can do. And I think that foundation definitely gave me the confidence to take those risks and leave that full-time job and go into a career that I've never done. But if you don't have that foundation, that's okay. Confidence can definitely be learned. And we're definitely gonna learn some more confidence on this channel. So you're gonna wanna stay with me. But let's go back to my career. So after I started working in my house doing lashes and doing contract work, I decided to get my esthetician license because I was like, okay, it's time to take it up a notch per usual after three years of being in my house. And then 2020 hit, I was like, I think it's time to go in the salon. Got my license, started working at one of the most popular salons in Las Vegas. Shortly after that, I started traveling and training their lash classes, and that opened up my eyes so much more too. And I had never taught classes, so when the owner came up to me and asked me, would you want to do this? I was like, uh yeah, I've never done it before, but let's go. Why not? Confidence comes from just doing things that you've never done before. Confidence comes by just showing up. That is how you build confidence. And so after that, I was like, oh my gosh, I can do anything. And so I trained the classes for about two years, and of course, it was time to move on. You know, I felt like I was only gonna go so far there, and that's usually how it goes when you're working for someone. You're you're not gonna be the one signing the checks, you're not gonna be the one making the major decisions, and that's what I always saw for myself. I always wanted to be that person that was making the decisions and finding the right people and building a team and helping people. I knew that that's what I wanted, and so I knew that that was not gonna happen there. And there was a cap, and I reached that cap. I was not gonna make any more money than I was making, so it was time to go. I wanted to do my own classes, I wanted to sell my own online content, I wanted to really build my brand on my own. So I opened my boutique lash salons, aka my suite, lash bestie. I opened that, and three years later, here I am. All those little steps and all those little pivots and risks led me to where I am today. I finished my MBA in December, something that I had wanted to do since I graduated college in 2016. I finished that and oh boy, what an accomplishment. And once again, what a high and what a confident builder that that did for me. Doing something that I said I was gonna do, even though it was a little bit later, I still did it. So, everyone out there, whoever's listening to this, it's okay if you are late to the game. It's better late than never. If there's something that you've always been wanting to do and it's been on your brain and you cannot get it off of your mind, do it. Do that. That is what's gonna build your confidence. If you've been thinking about making jewelry or wanting to knit and make pillows or hats and beanies, whatever you can think of, if that one thing has been on your mind over and over and over again, it's time for you to do it. Go to Michael's, Hobby Lobby, wherever you want to go. Don't go now, finish this video. But go wherever your local store is and try it out. Self-exploration is the best thing you can do for yourself and your confidence. Try something out that you've never tried, but it's been on your mind and just do it. And I'm gonna tell you, you're gonna feel so, so good. And that's gonna stroke your confidence, and it's just gonna get bigger and bigger and bigger. You have to start realizing that you already possess everything that you need to be successful. And I have to realize that too. That God has given me all the tools in my toolbox to be successful already. Everything else is just an addition, everything else is just a bonus. That's what a lot of people don't see, and they don't realize that they already have what they need to be successful. They feel like they need to wait for the right time for it to feel right, for the weather to feel right, or for XYZ to happen before you do this, or this needs to happen before you do that, your partner, your kids, your family, X, Y, and all these things, all these excuses need to happen before you take that leap or try something new. And that is not the case. You are never going to feel ready. It's never gonna make sense necessarily. It's not all the stars aren't gonna align for it to feel right. You're not gonna ever feel right. Just do it. You just have to do it. You have to feel that momentum and do it. And once you feel that momentum or you feel that passion, that burning feeling in your mind and in your spirit for you to do something, that's a sign. You have to do it or it will pass you. And you never want to look back at your life and be like, dang, I really should have tried that. I really should have done that. You don't want to be on your deathbed, I know that's morbid, but you don't want to be on your deathbed or be 60, 70 years old and look back and be like, dang, I really should have started knitting those sweaters. I really should have started designing clothes, or I really should have started doing makeup, or I really should have whatever it is. You don't want to look back and regret that. Do it now. It's not gonna feel right. It's it's just not. Like I said, confidence comes from just doing it. I'm not gonna say that again today. Hopefully, I may, I may not, but I'm just trying to drill it into your head. Confidence comes from just doing it. It comes from trying, from failing, from getting back up again to falling again and getting back up again to failing again and getting back up again. That's where the confidence comes. And all in that process, you learn that you're not alone and you learn that there's other people that are literally doing the same thing. And you start meeting people that introduces you to this person, that introduces you to that person, and it becomes a snowball. And you look up and you're like, wow, I've come really far. And that's what I want for all of us. And like I said, I'm not gonna pretend like everything is perfect, like everything is working out the way that it's supposed to. It's not all the time, but there's a lot of times that it is, and you have to be grateful for those good times, and you have to know that it's not meant to be perfect, and you have to know that there's gonna be trials, there's gonna be tribulations, there's going to be failures. And once you realize that, you welcome it in. You have a little bit more joy in your heart when things happen. You're like, oh, that's okay. It's not gonna be perfect. Your mindset opens up and you're like, this is a part of the process. There were a lot of times when I was doing contract work that I didn't know when my next contract was gonna come, or a contract was abruptly ended because the company could not afford me anymore. And I was like, oh crap, that's a lump sum of money that's now taken out of my income. What am I gonna do? I had to cut back on some expenses. I had to stop doing certain things, and that's okay. It was scary, it sucked, but that is a part of working for yourself. There's ups and downs, but it still really pushed me to want to continue to be my own boss. It pushed me to be more strategic, and it really pushed me to continue to keep striving forward and know that that is the process. Working for yourself really forces you to take yourself seriously. It forces you to take your time more seriously, you start seeing everything differently, you see your time differently, you see who you hang out with differently, you start dating differently. Everything changes because your time is literally money. There's no PTO, there's no sick time off, none of that. None of that exists when you work for yourself. It just doesn't. There's real responsibilities and there's real bills. And if you are like me, you live alone, you work for yourself. There's a lot of bills, there's a lot of bills, but I would never trade this for anything else ever. I know I need the control of my schedule, I know I need the control of my life, and I couldn't go back. It's been since 2017, since I've been working on my own. I can't go back now. I can't, but honestly, it feels really heavy, it feels like a lot of pressure, but I bet people in nine to five feel the same way. So choose your pressure and choose your heaviness, I guess. Because I bet they're feeling it too. But I'm sure this is a little different because they have a salary and I just don't. And that's what being the CEO of your own life is all about. Understanding that you don't have it all figured out, but knowing and having the confidence that you will have it figured out eventually. It's about making decisions regardless of how you feel. It's about showing up regardless of how you feel. One of my absolute favorite quotes is make decisions based off of your goals, not your emotions. Because emotions come and go. It's about building something when it's uncomfortable and it's uncertain, which it very much so will be very uncomfortable and very uncertain. So if you're in a season where you feel like you're pivoting or you feel like you're not exactly where you think you should be, I just want you to know you're not behind. You're just building and creating the life that you want. One step at a time, brick by brick. And that's what this podcast is all about: real conversations, real growth, real life. And hopefully we can share those experiences with each other. So if you feel like this episode resonated with you, feel free to subscribe and come on this journey with me. Let's do this together, okay? So we don't feel so alone. They say it's lonely at the top, but it doesn't have to be that lonely. And as always, take care of yourself, love yourself, show yourself some grace, and I will see you on the next episode of Sea of Me. Bye.