Self-Love Creates Heaven on Earth

In this episode, we dive into how cultivating deep self-love is the ultimate key to trauma healing and breaking free from unconscious cycles of suffering. Discover how to break free from these painful, unconscious cycles and unlock true transformation.

📘 Get your Free eBooks:

1. Six Divine Feminine Self Love Strategies:  
2. Poems of the Sovereign Soul

👋 Welcome To Red Pill Shaman 👋

✨ This channel is dedicated to Shattering the Matrix from the Inside Out, exploring the foundational truth that changing the world is an inside job. Grounded in the spiritual law of Jeremiah 31:33, we look at how the divine code is already written directly upon the human heart and soul, bypassing external systems of control. Through the lens of depth psychology, trauma healing, consciousness studies, and the Divine Feminine, we explore how deep emotional wounds can become gateways to profound self-awareness, sovereignty, and real-time transformation.

Many of these foundational concepts also appear in my book, My Inner Heroine: Exploring Feminine Pain. 

📖 About This Episode:

How does a religious studies scholar with an IQ over 120, who translated classical Daoist texts and stood at the foot of Mt. Everest, completely miss the simplest law of the universe? In this powerful premiere episode, Kerry May Blaser shares her raw, 56-year journey through a chaotic childhood, physical pain, a toxic marriage, a near-death illness, and a dark night of the soul to reveal why the external world is nothing more than a perfect mirror of our internal state.

Kerry maps out the exact mechanics of her 72-hour spiritual enlightenment and breaks down her core spiritual formulas: Appreciate, Learn, and Forgive equals Ego Death, and The Love Hierarchy. She explores how the global suppression of the Divine Feminine destroys modern homes, how she used her shamanic gifts to connect with Andrew Tate's soul in solitary confinement, and her terrifying realization of her past-life identity as the reincarnation of Mary Magdalene. Learn how filling your own internal cup is the precise baseline required to change your reflection, heal generational trauma, and manifest heaven on earth.

🌸 About Kerry Blaser:

Kerry Blaser is a mother, shaman, religious studies scholar, and author. Her diverse background directly supports her mission to help individuals break free from restrictive paradigms and reclaim their internal locus of control.

Bringing a unique multidisciplinary approach to the table, Kerry synthesizes depth psychology, neuroscience, mysticism, anthropology, and consciousness studies. By connecting these diverse fields, she maps how unconscious internal emotional patterns project outward to shape our physical reality, equipping people with the clarity needed to transform pain into resilience and build deeply authentic, balanced relationships.

💡 What We Cover In This Video:

✅ Why the universe functions as a literal mirror feedback loop for self-improvement.

✅ The Love Hierarchy: Why self-love must mathematically precede all healing work.

✅ Shamanic connection, energetic resonance, and helping Andrew Tate in solitary confinement.

✅ Reclaiming the Divine Feminine equal power to heal modern relationship trauma.

🌐 Connect With Me:

● Website: redpillshaman.com

● My Book on Amazon: My Inner Heroine: Exploring Feminine Pain 

#TraumaHealing #AndrewTate #MaryMagdalene #Enlightenment #SelfLove #RedPillShaman #DivineFeminine #DepthPsychology #ShatteringTheMatrix

Transcript

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There is an ancient Cherokee proverb that states a woman's highest calling is to connect a man to his soul so he can unite with source. A man's highest calling is to protect a woman so she can walk the earth unharmed. When that sacred balance is shattered, reality breaks. And for the first 45 years of my life, my reality was completely broken. I was trapped in a cycle of pain and survival, completely blind to the fact that the key to my freedom was something I constantly dismissed. Sounds like a woo-woo pipe dream, right? Like it's just too good to be true. Well, at least that's exactly what I thought when a shaman explained a similar concept to me 11 years ago. I'm 56 now, and back then, I thought there was no way it could be that simple. Or my intelligence would have figured it out. I mean, after all, I have an IQ over 120, I hold a master's degree in East Asian religious studies from a prestigious program at the University of California at Santa Barbara. I had translated classical Chinese Taoist texts, lived in Chinese Buddhist monasteries, and stood at the foot of Mount Efrist at 18,000 feet. I even met my Israeli ex-husband in Tibet, married him and lived in Israel. I had been to so many sacred sites across the globe and considered myself smart and experienced, or so I thought. So how did I miss it? How did I fail to see on my own that self-love is the key to creating heaven on earth for myself? Well, that's the question we're going to answer today. Let's go back to my beginnings so you know where I came from and I can share where I went from there. I was born in Scottsdale, Arizona on June 25th, 1970. My parents named me Carrie Mae Blazer. My mom also gave me a second name, Shenandoah. My family quickly moved to France and then Switzerland prior to moving to Southern California when I was five. There, I met my masculine counterpart, my soulmate, when I was a child. His initials are JC, so I will refer to him in that way. I had a challenging childhood. JC and I got into a huge fight when I was five, and he punched my face really hard. It is like he knocked the Carrie out of Carrie. And I told him I wouldn't speak to him for 50 years. Then I just shut down and rejected my heart. That single moment shattered my world. And as you'll see later in this episode, its ripples followed me for decades. But the chaos of my childhood was just beginning. Next, my parents got a divorce when I was six. My dad was a workaholic and my mom was an alcoholic. I lived with my mom and brother in an apartment in a very wealthy town located just behind Malibu, called Westlake Village. I had a very hard time making friends and struggled with depression and lack of self-care. I had one friend in middle school who moved away prior to high school starting. So I started high school pretty much alone, but JC was ASB president of our school that had 2,000. He was smart and gorgeous. I mean, he looked like Adonis, I kid you not. He was also a multiple sport varsity letterman. He was the dream guy on paper, but I wouldn't let him near me. I was shut down and he owned the school. After a couple of challenges with JC, I started a six-year career at Hot Doug on a stick at 14. Bought my own car and left for college at 18. I left him behind, or so I thought. What I did bring with me was excruciating lower back pain that started when I was 15 and a half. My lower back was terribly painful for 35 years. I had a lot of life lessons to learn. At the time, I didn't know that pain is an initiation process for personal growth. I just knew it hurt a lot and destroyed parts of my life. I was busy complaining about my life, not appreciating it. Anyway, at UCSB, I became fascinated by East Asian religious studies. I was looking for answers everywhere, but I was looking in all the wrong places. Just like that song. Looking for love in all the wrong places. I was looking for self-love in all the wrong places. I was looking outside myself instead of in my heart and soul for the answers to my emotional wounds. I didn't yet understand that all the wisdom I needed to heal from my childhood trauma was in my soul the whole time, waiting for me to access it for my own benefit. I hadn't yet learned that my soul plans my life based on my wounds for self-improvement opportunities. Live and learn, right? Live and learn. Well, eventually I decided to focus entirely on China. I studied Chinese and went to China in the early 1990s, where I met my Israeli ex-husband and acquired my legal last name, Buzaglo. It is a Sephardic Jewish last name created after the Jews were exiled from Spain in 1492 to commemorate that event. Furthermore, Buzaglos had been discriminated against in Israel quite a bit. I was attracted to the disenfranchised, you know, what people call the victims. I still had a lot to learn. We married in 1995 and had three beautiful children together: a boy and two girls in that order, all within four years. I didn't care for myself properly after my first daughter was born. I almost died of bacterial sepsis while on a ventilator in ICU for two weeks when she was five weeks old. My ex didn't really encourage my self-care. He was busy calling me selfish when I asked for help. I attracted a lot of lack of self-care into my life, but I didn't know why at that point. I didn't yet understand that the universe is a mirror and that he was mirroring my problems back to me. I just thought he was a jerk. I was 30 years old and had a lot of maturing to do. After I was released from the hospital, my stepfather tried to help me spiritually. He was German, Catholic, and the personal doctor to the sister of the Shah of Iran. He was quite experienced and knowledgeable about a lot of things. He told me to thank God for surviving my illness, but I had no idea how to be grateful for my life, or thank God for that matter, at that age. I was clueless about God, the universe, the quantum field, you know, whatever you want to call it. I had no clue. Next, I got pregnant nine months after my illness, which was scary for my ex and his family. You know, rightfully so. I almost died before. Both he and his father told me to get an abortion, but I said no. Then my husband told me, choose between my marriage and my child. I said I wouldn't make that decision, but he could. However, truth be told, I made that decision in my heart. I chose my child and initiated a divorce three years later at 35 years old when I thought I could care for my kids and work full-time on my own. I did just that, but I was not a healthy mother. In my early 40s, I started getting several migraines per week. And my lower back was super painful. My psychiatrist prescribed me Tramadol for my back pain, trazodone for anxiety, clonopin for anxiety, soma for tense muscles, and ambient for sleep. I couldn't afford therapy, so I medicated myself into oblivion. I spent a lot of my 40s in my bed in the dark. My kids hated it, but it was better than yelling at them because I was so overwhelmed emotionally and in so much physical pain. I didn't want to take it out on them more than I already was. Then on my 45th birthday, my mom passed away. That is when my intuition guided me to accept my psychic gifts and heal from my childhood trauma. It was time. So I began learning how to serve the waves of life. I started to learn how to go into my emotional pain and come out of it with wisdom. I worked hard on myself, but it was a slow process. It took me three years to be able to ascertain the following problem within myself without any help from others. By 48, I had learned to listen to myself better. Away what I'd learned so far about transforming my emotional wounds into personal wisdom. I was unable to apologize to my youngest daughter at 48. I asked my soul why I was so incompetent in my personal relationships. My soul told me, you believe that if you apologize, your loved ones will leave you. I thought, that's not logical. If I apologize, my loved ones will want to stay, as that is a sign of a healthy relationship. That was the first time I remember turning my emotional wound into personal wisdom on my own. I felt so proud. I hadn't learned how to apologize as a child. I had just internalized my parents' own problems. Everything got swept under the rug in my family. So I never learned how to apologize until I was 48 years old. I called my daughter, apologized, and everything was better for the moment. My youngest daughter was also the catalyst for a major growth opportunity for me when I was 49. Since my ex and I hadn't healed from our childhood wounds when we had kids, my kids were brought up in an unhealthy household. My youngest developed an eating disorder and went to rehab at 16. During our first family therapy session, she blamed me for her eating disorder. On the drive home, everything started to get darker in my heart and soul. After I got home, my soul told me, your children would be better off with a dead mother than a live one. I tried to accommodate that message by taking all of my medications, which had just been refilled, so that was a lot. I went upstairs and fell asleep instantly. I was done being alive. I just let go like I never could before. Luckily, my oldest daughter found me the next morning. She was 18. I woke up in the hospital intubated three days later. When I opened my eyes, I saw my own eyes in my oldest daughter, who had just arrived to see me. She has easel eyes, just like me. I couldn't talk, but our eyes said everything. While in the psych ward for more recovery, I met an 18-year-old young woman named Shay, whose mother had passed away when she was 11. She also had an eating disorder so severe that she lacked hunger cues. You know, the universe is a mirror, right? Showing us ourselves in every moment. Wisdom says the universe is a mirror, showing me myself in every moment as a constant feedback loop for self-improvement. Knowledge says we attract what we are through energetic resonance, meaning a vibrational match. I was a vibrational match for a young woman with a severe eating disorder. That experience showed me a lot about myself. Anyway, we slept in the same room. During our last evening there, her mother's soul came to me intuitively and gave me a message for Shay that included her childhood nickname that we had never discussed. We were both in shock when I said it and our mouths went down to the ground. That night, her mother's soul came back and asked me to help her interact with her daughter's soul in a loving way. I explained that as long as her soul's intent is love, she can't go wrong. The next morning, Shay woke up with hunger cues and ate a huge breakfast. I thought to myself, I'm at a psych ward and I'm a healer. What do I do now? That was 2019. Then, to speed up my healing in 2020, I did four psilocybin medicine journeys where I saw that I didn't love myself and my children had the same problem. That's when I really learned that my children had internalized how I felt about myself. Hate, just like I had when I was a child. That is how generational trauma is passed down unconsciously by out-of-balance parents, parents who haven't healed. After that realization, I started asking my children, what can I do each day to show them my love? Our relationship started to improve, but it has been a very long, slow process. Shortly after those medicine journeys in 2020, I met my first hero. I called the men I attracted into my life my heroes, as they all mirrored my emotional wounds back to me so I could see where I needed to improve and love myself more. They never asked me out, which was annoying, but I needed their mirror, not their physical romance. Carl Jung beautifully captured this phenomenon when he wrote, Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. And I needed a lot of personal understanding. During my initial conversation with my first hero, my lower back pain went away magically. I had just learned at yoga how physical pain in women's hips is often a manifestation of emotional pain. During that conversation, I was a strong feminine counterbalance to his masculine pursuit of me. I had finally figured out how to emanate love from my womb when interacting with a man. That was the problem with my lower back. I had experienced sexual abuse in my childhood, so I had stored a lot of emotional pain in my womb, my femininity, my creation. I've rejected myself as a woman, so I've rejected my womb, my center of creation. I never dated any of these men, but they all helped me heal tremendously. This brings me to the two men who are the reason I call myself Red Pill Shaman. Justin Waller and his BFF, Andrew Tate. In 2022, Andrew was the most Googled man on the planet, right before he was completely canceled and thrown into a Romanian jail that same year. My intuition had guided me to message Justin in June of 2022, which was just two months prior to the start of Andrew's takedown. I helped them both with my shamanic gifts two weeks after Andrew's cancellation. So I was familiar with both of their wounds. When Andrew was placed in solitary confinement later in 2022, I found myself in a bizarrely perfect position to help him. No, I wasn't visiting a prison. I was sitting in my recliner in the dark of my garage, connecting with Andrew's soul to help him self-reflect. Why? Because the universe is a mirror. I felt a profound kinship with a man trapped in solitary confinement, because that is exactly how alone and isolated I had felt for most of my life. Carl Young explains my sentiment well. He stated, loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views that others find inadmissible. That is exactly the loneliness I felt. So I was a vibrational match for a man who had just been silenced globally. Because I would later find out my childhood soulmate, JC, the boy who punched me at age five and whom I hadn't spoken to in decades, didn't just grow up to be a corporate executive. He became the head of global security at GoDaddy and a key player with the FBI. He operated in the exact high-level intelligence and cybersecurity spheres capable of tracking global digital networks regarding people like Andrew. But before I could fully see how his physical world cross-examine Andrew's reality, the universe sent me two more mirrors to facilitate additional healing to decorated Fire Academy instructors. The second instructor was married. Facing that situation forced me into a mirror where I had to finally process the unhealed wounds of my own marriage and subsequent divorce. I realized I hadn't truly forgiven myself or my ex-husband for our challenges. Two days after facing that final truth at yoga, the damn broke. On March 13th, 2024, I experienced enlightenment for the very first time. From a macro spiritual, astrological, and numerological perspective, March 13, 2024 represents a highly rare, explosive gateway for divine feminine manifestation. A severe death of the ego and the anchoring of a physical structure for a global mission. As you will hear at the end of this episode, all of that applies to me. My soul has a plan for my success. So I gotta trust my soul. For three days straight, I sat in my garage recliner, vibrating in a frequency so high I couldn't even eat or drink, losing 12 pounds in the process. On the second morning, like a blasting alarm, I heard enlightenment, enlightenment, enlightenment. I was being informed that I had reached that level of emotional maturity. Then the wisdom came. I was shown how first responders are challenged by mental health issues. Next, I was shown how messed up families and relationships are today. Then I told the universe, everything's messed up. Take me back to the beginning. There was God and then what? I'm an analyst by nature. So I started looking closely at the mechanics of the divine. My mind tracked what God does. He creates and he orchestrates. But then a lightning bolt of insight hit me. Creation itself, the act of birthing ideas, life, energy, is inherently feminine. Why on earth have we ascribed the act of creation solely to a masculine God for thousands of years? And how has that distortion broken our society and our families? By completely erasing the divine feminine from our spiritual foundation? We have stripped women of their creation power and left homes completely out of balance. I thought to myself, what if we make the divine feminine completely equal to the divine masculine and mirror that perfect balance inside the home, inside our families? How would that instant shift heal today's broken world? The moment that question left my mind, the universe answered. JC's soul broke through to me completely unexpectedly. I was like, what? Jason? Wait, what? Why are you in here? What? The very masculine counterpart who had shattered my heart at five years old returned in spirit to mirror the exact masculine-feminine balance I was analyzing. I immediately stepped into my role as a healer, helping his soul self-reflect, helping him connect to his soul more deeply and process his own deep-seated blocks before turning inward to clear my own catastrophic, unhealed fears about my past, especially my children. That is a summary of what I went through to learn that self-love creates heaven on earth with enlightenment and emotion being the ultimate expression of self-love. My book, My Inner Heroine, Exploring Feminine Pain, goes into great detail regarding how I learned to transform my emotional wounds into personal wisdom. I mean, I learned how to love myself enough to expand my emotional range to include enlightenment through that intense process of transformation. I synthesized a core spiritual formula that guided me through my awakening. A lesson that forms a foundation of everything I teach. It's called appreciate, learn, and forgive equals ego death. First, look at your deepest traumas and actively appreciate them. As necessary catalyst for your evolution. Second, extract the precise soul lessons that those painful experiences were designed to teach you. And third, completely forgive both the mirrors in your life and yourself. When you generally execute these three steps, your old identity, the protected, wounded ego that shut its heart at five years old like mine, experiences unnecessary death, so your true divine soul can take its place. This brings me to my sixth and final teaching, the love hierarchy. Grounded in sacred geometry rather than standard psychology. The love hierarchy is the realization that self-healing and self-love must precede all other healing work on this planet. For generations, we have been conditioned to try and heal others from a place of our own unhealed deficit. The love hierarchy dismantles that savior complex entirely. It proves that you cannot give away a frequency you do not possess, and that filling your own vessel with self-love is the exact gateway required to heal the rest of the world. Only you have sovereignty over your own soul. So only you can transform your emotional wounds into personal wisdom. To quote Carl Jung, one does not become enlightened by imagining beings of light, but by making their darkness conscious. He also said, your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside dreams, who looks inside, awakes. To truly understand the mechanics of this hierarchy, I wrote a poem at UCSB when I was 21 about JC that captures the painful shift from codependent trauma to true spiritual sovereignty. It goes like this, titled Him Love Me, his eyes spoke, a sparkling gleam. Love me, his heart murmured. His energy is mine, a sparkle spoken unto my heart. My heart returns the sparkling gleam. My sparkle is blocked by a wall of fear. Pain of a previous energy, one must pass. Pain of a last remembrance, I must heal. His cup left empty for me to fill. I am not worthy of filling his cup. I will leave one day and take my love along. His cup will again need filling. He will again need healing. Only he is worthy of such a feat. Then another sparkle speaks unto his heart. The cup fills, but there is no girl. The cup is healed, but there is no healing. Love pervades his being, but there is no transference. He sparkles unto his own eyes. Again, his eyes sparkle a loving gleam. Love overflowing through his cup called heart. With next sparkle, his heart detects. He is able to share the sparkle, but there is no cup to fill. That is the ultimate truth of the love hierarchy. When your own internal cup is entirely full, you no longer look for an external cup to fill or a person to save. You simply emanate the frequency of love. Publishing the first edition of my book in April of 2025 cleared out my old emotional storage. With that space finally opened, my channel cleared, and I started processing a flood of intense intuitive messages I began receiving in 2021. Here are a few of those messages. I heard, I'm on the Jesus Council. I'm on a mission from God like the Blues brothers. I'm downloading Ho to Housewife trauma healing. I'm an agent of God. They were quite overwhelming and scary for me to explore, but loving myself means accepting myself. Around my birthday on June 25th, 2025, I Googled, Did Jesus Have a Wife? and remembered the movie The Da Vinci Code. It hit me like a lightning bolt. What if the suppression of the divine feminine isn't just an ancient theological debate? What if it is the root cause of the unhealed maternal and feminine trauma tearing modern relationships apart? So how did I miss this truth for 30 years? How did a woman with a master's degree in East Asian religious studies, who translated classical Chinese, Taoist texts, and stood at the foot of Mount Everest, miss the simplest law of the universe, which is the dual nature of reality? It was staring me at the f in my face. I had to accept it. I missed it because I kept looking outside of myself for answers to my own problems. I looked for answers in sacred sites, in a chaotic marriage, in the mirrors of the men I attracted, men who were only ever trying to mirror my own unhealed wounds back to me so I could improve myself. It took 35 years of chronic back pain, surviving a near-death illness, a suicide attempt, and a literal 72-hour spiritual initiation in my garage recliner to realize that the universe is a mirror. To quote Carl Jung, until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate. When we refuse to heal inside, we always manifest outside. I had to learn that changing the world, my world, was an inside job. When you finally choose to love yourself, you change your reflection in your own mirror, your own world. You expand your emotional range to experience true enlightenment. And that truly is how you manifest heaven on earth. Thank you for joining me for this premier episode. If you are ready to stop fighting the mirrors in your life and start transforming your own emotional wounds into personal wisdom, my book, My Inner Heroine, Exploring Feminine Pain, is available now on Amazon. Pick up your copy to begin your own awakening via the link in the description of this episode below. If my podcast resonates with you, please hit that subscribe button and turn on notifications right now. Because next time, we are diving straight down an even deeper rabbit hole. While you wait for the next drop, go ahead and download my free ebook linked in the description, titled Six Divine Feminine Self-Love Strategies to start shifting your own reality today. In our next episode, I'm going to share the tumultuous journey of how I put all of those pieces together to reveal the truth of my soul, the truth of who I was in a past life, and the incredible events that transpired after. I will finally share the raw, terrifying reality of how I accepted my identity as the reincarnation of Mary Magdalene. And the profound enlightenment experiences that followed. It's very emotional for me. Experiences that birthed a global blueprint for healing, the Wisdom of Peace Plan and the Shenandoah Promise, which is designed to finally heal the ancestral manifest destiny wounds between the United States government and the Native American tribes. You are not gonna want to miss it. Until next time, stop fighting the mirrors. Start healing your heart. And remember that self love is where heaven begins. I'm Carrie Mayblazer, the Red Pill Shaman. And I will see you in episode two.