Tough Love and Tecates
Mother-Daughter Duo discussing, life, love, financials, and goals.
Tough Love and Tecates
Habits That Heal
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What does it take to wake up every day feeling that life is a blessing rather than a burden? Our candid conversation dives into the daily rituals and habits that fundamentally transform how we experience life.
From the struggle of pushing past the snooze button at 4 AM to the invigorating shock of an early morning ice bath, we share the honest truth about establishing routines that stick. The difference between merely surviving each day and truly thriving often comes down to these simple yet powerful habits we build into our lives.
We unpack the dangerous territory of isolation – how retreating to darkened rooms with blackout curtains and marinating in our thoughts creates the perfect breeding ground for negative thinking patterns. As one of us confesses, "I would shut the whole world out, not wanting to get out of my room, just wanting to feel sorry for myself." Yet the path forward isn't complicated: creating structure, getting sunlight, and finding activities that force engagement with life.
The conversation takes a powerful turn when discussing how women, especially mothers, neglect self-care while prioritizing everyone else. "When I'm not taking care of myself, my family is not getting the best version of me – I'm hurting them because I'm grumpy," reveals a profound truth many struggle to accept. Whether it's a solo drive to clear your head, a girl's trip to reconnect with your identity beyond being a mom, or simply sitting in a nail salon with someone you love – these moments of replenishment aren't luxury, they're necessity.
Physical well-being profoundly impacts mental health too. Before assuming your struggles stem from serious mental health conditions, consider whether simple nutritional deficiencies might be affecting your mood. Many people don't realize how lacking vitamin D, magnesium, or other nutrients can dramatically impact how they feel.
Take the challenge to establish one new positive habit. Research suggests 21 days of consistency creates a habit that sticks. What small change could transform how you experience each day?
Personal Wellness and Daily Habits
Speaker 1Hi guys, welcome back for another week of tough love and tegates. This week we're going to be talking about just like personal wellness things, daily habits, weekly habits, things that help you feel good, like protect your peace and, more than anything, just help you walk through life, like looking at life as a blessing and not a burden. So what you talking about, girl? Yeah, I'd like to know. Like is there any habits like that you could say you do consistently on a daily or weekly basis that make you feel better and you notice the difference right away if you don't?
Speaker 2Honestly, I feel like staying up after I already wake up at like 4 in the morning to make lunch, I mean for me, staying up like is a huge problem for me.
Speaker 2You know that I could wake up pretty early, I feel like, and then just kind of giving myself that time to fully get up, but then I stay on my phone on TikTok or on Facebook and then immediately just fall back asleep. So I think for me, when I get up early and I stay up throughout the whole day, I feel like that's like a huge accomplishment for me and it makes me feel good, like I feel energized surprisingly. Like you would think that I'm drained throughout the day. And don't get me wrong, sometimes I do have my little waves of like tired, but I mean for the most part like just staying up, like it helps me a lot, and then especially like having something to actually do, especially on my days off, like this, like I could have made an excuse to why we couldn't do like a podcast or whatever and I could have just slept all day, yeah.
Speaker 2But like something to look forward to throughout the day. I feel that makes me feel good, like it makes me feel like I have something important to do, like I'm not making a waste of my time. Yeah, so, and I feel like even I don't know cooking, I feel like cooking helps me. I feel like that makes me feel good too. It makes me feel good to see people like happy to enjoy my food.
Speaker 1Yeah, it's a love language?
Speaker 2Yeah, it is. I'm more of like I'm a really I'm more of an acts of service type of person when it comes to love like that. So when I see like things that I do, like that being like seen for what I'm doing, I it makes me feel appreciated, it makes me feel good would you say you have a routine, or do you feel like you're barely establishing a routine?
Speaker 2I feel like I'm barely establishing one. I feel like with waking up at four in the morning to make the step on's lunch and then make me something too, so that way, like throughout the day, me and him are just, you know, cool once he gets home, whatever. And I've established my little routine where, as soon as he leaves, we, you know, have our little less time before he gets picked up for work, and then, as soon as he leaves, I go, hop in the shower and I start my day like that's kind of something I'm picking up for. Like the past like three weeks or so, I feel, um, for me, that's, that's something I'm not used to. I'm not used to having like a set routine, especially getting up at that early.
Speaker 1I feel like routine is so good?
Speaker 2yeah, it is. I'm honestly realizing more and more, and that's why, even like we need to find our thing where we go do something early as hell in the morning, before either one of us start our day. So that way, that's our extra pump, you know. But other than that, though, I feel like I mean, routines are really freaking good.
The Power of Routine
Speaker 1Yeah, like I love the fact that the kids went back to school this month. So it's like routine time. It's like, and just my routine is I. You know, Monday through Friday. I set my alarm for 5am, I push snoo, snooze. I hop immediately into my ice bath because if I don't, I'm going back to bed. I also have the awful habit, if dad's still in bed, like I, will find an excuse to lay back in bed. So for me it's like I've got him to the point where once the alarm goes off, like before I get in the ice bath, I'm like are we going to go walk?
Speaker 1You know what I mean that way that way it forces him because he showers before we go walk, like that's how he wakes up. So when we go like, and then we go walking, and then I come back and then I do, you know, get Uriah ready for school, I like to jump on the trampoline with him before he goes to school, you know what I mean. And then from there, once he goes to school, then it's work time, right, um, I have my tasks that I do daily for work, um, and they're like non negotiables, like I always like to make sure that you know, like my client contacts and you know, just making sure that not only am I doing what I need to do for my business, but that I have the time carved out to be in my business, because, like running multiple businesses, it can be a lot. Yeah, and I feel like I burnt out so many times and it's more, because I didn't have the routine Right, I didn't have like, I didn't have my time blocked.
Speaker 1I was just kind of all over the place. So I felt like I was just on this constant hamster wheel of like going, going, going, going, burnt out, tired and then finding the strength, yes, to like clear and bring myself back up and start doing things again. So I feel like the routine is everything Summer's fun, don't get me wrong, but it's kind of the more systematic you make things, like, more gets done more efficiently. Right that you end up having more free time. Yeah.
Speaker 2I think for me too, it was like you know how like I would keep to myself in my room a lot.
Speaker 1I would not.
Escaping Negative Thought Patterns
Speaker 2I would not leave that room whatsoever. I honestly it got to the point where I didn't have anything to do with myself. So I felt like just staying in my room constantly with the blinds like blackout curtains, keep in mind, so my room just being completely dark and then me being able to like be in my own space. That was my thing. I felt like more. I felt like there's no comfortable feeling than being in your own space because nobody could disturb that. So, like, at a certain point I was just like you know, you even told me when I would tell you when I'm getting depressed or I feel like I'm getting myself down, like you would always tell me, like you're not doing anything to get yourself out of it and you're staying in your like one in your room, your darkness.
Speaker 1You know, what's so funny is like, literally, as you were saying that, like I'm thinking of what I would always tell you like an idle mind is a dangerous mind, and so the thing about enclosing yourself into these confined spaces is you're alone with your thoughts. Yes, and so, by default, your thoughts like they, they start becoming negative. They become negative, like and it's not a you thing, I feel like it's an everybody thing.
Speaker 1Yeah, Like there's no way, like if you're just sitting there with your thoughts and that's all you have, because you don't have like positive output from other people, you don't even have like positive output for yourself, because you're just letting these negative thoughts consume you. Yeah, that that's like I would always tell you like come on, get up, you've got to do something. You've got to do something with your time. Because it's almost like if you don't find the time to do things that are productive for yourself, yeah, your brain just like gets poisoned into thinking you can't, that you're not doing it because you can't yes, not because, like you're just choosing not to, but because it's unavailable.
Speaker 2Yeah, and then lately I was even talking to Dominique the other day. I was telling her like about I felt myself kind of getting like that, like recently, like about me getting like really down. But I was, like you know, it's kind of weird though, because last time I felt like this was when I was like really like in my room where I was shutting myself out from the world and everything like that, and blessed like god bless esteban, like honestly for him and his family, mom, like I don't take my long naps anymore, like I'll take my naps here and there, but they're not long ones. Like I'm forced to get up or whatever, because I obviously want to spend time with him too, and like the way that, like I get up and want to go see you guys too with him, like vice versa, or whatever. But I've realized that if I don't get myself like into like little routines like that where I'm forcing myself to get up instead of like marinating in that one feeling forever, I can't expect myself to like feel any better whatsoever.
Speaker 2Yeah, because like, like seriously, I've shut the whole world out. I do not want to get out of the room. I was just wanting to feel sorry for myself and honestly, for not much, because I have a roof over my head, I have food on the table, I have clothes on my back, all these blessings that I see. I'm very self-aware of all my blessings, but there was just so many things in my brain that was just trying to come up for reasons to be sad all the time that like she makes fun of me because I have this thing where I could be the happiest person happiest freaking person in the world and I'll put on the most depressing song.
Speaker 2I'm like what are we doing?
Speaker 1Like we're in the car jamming out right, like we're singing like every note together, we're freaking, having the greatest time, and she just goes like full-on, like sad, and see me I'm like, I'm very emotional person, but I'm a very tough person, you know.
Speaker 2so like I'm, just, it doesn't take much to make me cry. Let's just say that I cry out of frustration, I cry out of music.
Speaker 2I'm just kidding Thinking about that time I fell, but no, I feel like it's just. It's really important not to trap yourself into a space where you're not doing any like, you're not helping yourself to be better Not to say that people don't have their own mental like. You know, mental issues and stuff that are like really serious and stuff like bipolar and stuff like that, and I hope that people do get the help that they need for that type of stuff. That's like a little bit more serious, but on my end, where it's not something that is needed to be like medicated or whatever and stuff like that, but something that I could do myself to get myself the testosterone that I need to like get the energy and get up. Well, is that the right word? Testosterone? No, that's a whole other.
Self-Care for Better Family Relationships
Speaker 1Sorry, that's like whatever, but the energy that you need. But you know what, though? I feel like what's important, too, is a lot of people like and if I hadn't had all like the food allergies and issues that I had with my body throughout the years, like I wouldn't know nothing about this. But I feel like so many people might think like it's this big medical issue that's happening and that's why they have the thoughts that they have. And you know what? So many times it's just like as simple as your body needs support. Like you're low on magnesium, you're low on potassium, your body wants vitamin C, your body wants some vitamin D, like everybody, and their mama is vitamin D deficient because nobody goes out to get enough sun and if they do get sun, they're drenched in sunscreen.
Speaker 1So you know different things like that, where I feel like I mean I'll never forget like Alicia sorry Alicia, but anyways like one time we went to Sprouts and you know she wasn't feeling great and I hadn't even put the I muscle test I don't know if anybody knows what that is, but like I literally put the vitamin D in her hand and she almost fell forward, and that's kind of a thing Like when you muscle test yourself.
Speaker 1You kind of like ask your body what it wants and if you fall backwards, your body doesn't want it. If you fall forward, it does Right. But that was just like the like. It was hilarious at the time. I mean, obviously she was lacking vitamin D, but it was just one of those things where us, especially like as women I feel like as women, we prioritize a lot of taking care of everybody else that we neglect ourselves. And it's not intentional, it's not because we don't feel like we matter, but I feel it's just like the day to day, like go, go, go, go, go, go go, and that's kind of a routine right there.
Speaker 2Yeah, Like there's not much that women take into time to really take care of themselves, like you said, like for themselves.
Speaker 1I mean and honestly, like I feel, like culturally too, like I was raised to believe, like you have to take care of your family.
Speaker 1Once you have a family, like that's your priority, but priority. But yeah, the older I get, the more I learn, like when I'm not taking care of myself, my family is not getting the best version of me, so I'm not even helping them, I'm hurting them because I'm grumpy, like I don't want to go play, I don't want to go hang out, I don't want to like laugh at the things that we should all be laughing at. You know I'm a total bitch. Where it's like it's how, how is that a service to anybody? How is how does that? How does that math? Ain't mathing? You know what I mean? Where I feel like we all need to just like. Like I said, it starts within. It starts within us, like if we need to take care of ourselves, and then from there it trickles positivity to the people around us.
Speaker 2Yeah, I completely agree. Honestly, I really do. It's even like now like I even had to tell um, who was it? Dominique. I was like sometimes I just I just want to be alone, like completely alone, like go for a drive, like gather myself, gather my thoughts, because he's that one's kind of like dad where he likes to like nick, pick you, just to like get a reaction out of you.
Speaker 2No, and then I'm like, right now, I don't want that right now, please give me my space. But sometimes it's like I cave in though and I'm like, ah, fuck it. I mean I'm, you're trying to make me happy, cool, whatever. But then there's times where I'm just like, like today, I'm really happy that this is just us. You know, like even after we leave and I'm over there for a minute before he gets home from work or whatever, I it's good to take time for yourself and you're like your own all the time.
Speaker 1I mean, there's a reason like I haven't had that like bad moms where homegirls like I just want to be in a car accident but like nothing dangerous like just where I get to lay in a hospital bed like all by myself for like two days and nobody, nobody asked me for shit. I mean I wouldn't do a hospital bed because you can't even sleep in a hospital.
Speaker 1They're like taking your blood pressure every two hours and fucking with you constantly, but still, just I get the vibe yeah just like like me, like girl strips, like yes, I, annually I feel like every mom on the face of the planet deserves a girl strip, where you know. For me it was like like you guys, you guys would ask me why do you go on your girls trips, why do you do that? And it's like because now I get it. Yeah, well, now you get it, but it was like I love my girls trips because it's rita. Yeah, I get to be rita I'm not, mom, I'm not peas lady, I'm not so-and-so's daughter, so-and-so sister.
Speaker 1I'm'm not a friend, I'm nobody. I just get to be me and I feel like it's, like it's food for the soul, like it's it's a reset, it's, you know. It's just not that I don't get me wrong. Like I love to travel with my family.
Speaker 2I love to.
Building Resilience Through Problem-Solving
Speaker 1but it's a different thing that I don't need it constantly. I don't need it, I mean the universe wants to give it to me every month I'll take it, but I'm just saying like it's so important to just take any time, to just be your time, and it doesn't have to be a trip.
Speaker 1It could literally be like us like after this, when we're going to go get our toes done and go hang out and just you know, like it's not me time by myself, but it's time where it's not You're you, though it's not a, it's not a time of giving it's a time of replenishing.
Speaker 2Yes, yeah, that's why, even like, I've been debating, like I'm honestly happy that I waited until today to even mention about the toes, because I've I've been wanting to get them done for a while, but I'm like I don't want to go to the last girl that I went to and I'm so sorry if you ever see this, but it's just. There's a certain preference that I like my toast to be like, and she didn't eat that, so I was like you know what? This would be a perfect time. I'm going to go with my mom. I haven't had no me and her like just me and her type for a while, and I feel like that's something that's been needing too, because I don't want you to ever think, mom, that I don't need you that I don't need you like I.
Speaker 1I always need you. I'm gonna always need you. Well, can I, can I? Just, with all due respect, let's up it once.
Speaker 2I don't want you to need me, I want you to want me well, I guess that's what I meant, then I'm pretty sure that's what I mean, yeah but not because I I mean I don't want.
Speaker 1I don't want to come across like I'm an asshole, because I, I love my daughter and I want her to want me, but I feel like the need. I don't want you to need me because I want you to be able to stand on your own two feet, and that's the one thing you always told me to, yeah and problems solve for yourself.
Speaker 2Yeah, you always told me that you don't want to leave this earth knowing that I can't like take care of yourself.
Speaker 1Yeah, Well, and just like I said, like be able to take on challenges and not feel defeated, right, because I feel like that happens so much, like something bad happens or something isn't going a particular way, and so many people just feel defeated, like oh, my God Instead of okay, this is happening All right and, like I said me, I'm a problem solver Like I love challenges.
Speaker 1I don't love them, don't get me wrong. I problem solver Like I. I love challenges. I don't love them, don't get me wrong. I don't like having to put out fires or anything like that, but I feel like I thrive when there's a challenge that I have to overcome, right, you know, and I feel like in in that, like I love to see it.
Speaker 1I don't, I don't love to see you guys have problems, but I love to sit on the sidelines and see my kids have something that a hurdle, yes, that they have to overcome, and instead of me, like I used to, just running in and let me, you know, like the cleanup crew, I would say, yeah, coming in, figuring it out and then just handing it back to you solved. You guys are taking the initiative to solve these problems yourself and I could not be more proud that you guys, I get to sit back and watch Thanks, mom, like it makes me feel good. It makes me feel good that I don't need to solve the problems for you. I just get to be a resource if you need it and I get to just watch you guys like do you because that with us yeah Like.
Creating Lasting Positive Habits
Speaker 1I feel like that's, that's huge. Everybody doesn't get to have those experiences. So many people, for whatever reason, good and bad stuff happens. They face challenges and they're unable to pick themselves back up and keep things moving and it's a blessing to be able to have the knowledge and tools and, you know, support system to be, able to, you know, take on challenges as they come and keep things moving.
Speaker 1I mean, I feel like it's all about creating habits. Creating habits, I don't know. I read somewhere that if you do something for 21 days, it becomes a habit. Yeah, so it's like day three of back to school. So I'm hoping You'll find your flow. I'm hoping in 18 days You'll find your flow. I have great habits, but yeah, Well, as always, it's a pleasure.
Speaker 2It's a pleasure, mother Cheers.
Speaker 1Cheers, see you next time.