Tough Love and Tecates: A Mother-Daughter Journey

What happens when life pulls you back to a place you swore you'd never return to? In our debut episode of Tough Love and Tecates, we dive into the transformative journey of relocating from Denver to El Paso – a move that initially felt like a major setback but ultimately became an unexpected blessing.

"Grandma Nico would always say 'you'll come back' and I would always be like 'yeah, alright, grandma,'" shares mom as we explore the resistance and eventual surrender that comes with life's unexpected turns. After building careers and raising children in Colorado, the prospect of starting over seemed daunting until letting go of control changed everything: "Once I let Jesus take the wheel and stopped trying to do things my way, it's been a complete life changer."

For daughter Trini, who initially stayed behind in Denver, the separation from family – particularly missing her nephew's early years – eventually prompted her own move. Breaking stagnant patterns allowed her to find new purpose: "I'm finding myself more and more out here and I'm at peace." Our conversation traverses the evolution of our mother-daughter relationship through those turbulent teenage years into a balanced adult connection built on mutual respect and understanding.

We candidly discuss the challenges of releasing control as parents of adult children, the power of seeing beyond our own perspectives, and how faith replaces fear when we stop fighting life's redirections. Whether you're navigating family relationships, contemplating a major life change, or simply enjoy authentic conversations between mother and daughter, this episode offers relatable insights on growth, perspective, and finding home in unexpected places.

Subscribe to Tough Love and Tecates for weekly conversations where we share our raw, unfiltered experiences navigating life, finances, relationships, and everything in between. Join us as we blend maternal wisdom with youthful perspective, all while keeping it real with a side of humor and heart.

Transcript

Welcome to Tough Love and Tecates

Speaker 1 0:11

Hi guys, welcome to our first episode of our podcast called Tough Love and Tecates. In this series we are just going to be engaging daughter and mother and just walk talking through everything financials, life purchasing, real estate, how to get through anything and just experiences that we've had that we want to share and, you know, hopefully give some insight to what the mother-daughter relationship could be and you know what we've experienced and just be raw, put myself out there. I'm a very private person, so this is just a little insight to one of the most important things in my life.

Speaker 2 0:50

And hello, I'm Trini, I'm her daughter. Thank you for joining us today and hopefully you guys can relate a little bit more to what we're talking about throughout our podcast and you guys stay with us throughout the journey. So, hey Mom, how are you doing today? Good, how are you? I'm doing amazing. A little nervous first time in front of the camera like this, yeah, but it's fun, Right Something?

Moving to El Paso: Unexpected Changes

Speaker 1 1:11

different. We've been talking about doing it forever, so I'm glad that we're finally like making it happen. It's about time yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 1:17

It's about. Be about. Don't talk about it, be about it, amen. So, anyways, how has it been since you know us moving out here to El Paso I mean, you've lived out here before but, like moving back, how do you feel like it's changed you and us as a family?

Speaker 1 1:34

I mean honestly, like I never in a million years thought we were going to move back here. Like I tell everybody it's probably like your dad's probably tired of hearing me say it because I say it so often that, like grandma Nico would always say you'll come back, you'll come back and I would always be like yeah, all right, grandma.

Speaker 1 1:48

Like, yeah, my kids are from Denver. Like I already made a home over here, like this is home now, you know, right, and so when everything happened, um, and the business opportunity for dad brought us down here, like that's all I I could hear was her in the back of my head, right, and I mean, if I'm being perfectly honest, it's taken me pretty much until the beginning of this year to make peace with it. I didn't anticipate the move and it kind of like pulled the rug out from underneath me and I was so set in my ways and set in. You know what it was like living in Denver and stuff like that that for the longest time I still try to keep a foot over there.

Speaker 1 2:31

Yeah, like you know, I find any excuse to go back. I, you know it wasn't just, you know, going back to visit. But I mean you know what it was like with the house, with trying to Airbnb, trying to do this, trying to do that, like it was definitely a life adjustment that I had no way of preparing for, right, but honestly, once I let Jesus take the wheel and I stopped trying to like do things what I thought were my way and just let things flow Like it's been a complete and total life changer and I just I have so much peace now with being here and I really, really firmly believe that God brought me here for a reason and I'm ready to just completely dive in and walk the path that he has for me.

Speaker 2 3:15

Amen, that's good, though I mean, that's how I kind of was over here too. For me I was so set like being born and raised out in Colorado, like my whole life just coming out here here to visit. I never thought we would move out here. Not once did I ever think like, oh, okay, like well.

Speaker 1 3:31

I'll pass it here, but initially you didn't yeah, I had ended up staying.

Speaker 2 3:34

I ended up staying over in Denver for, like what, another year or something. When you guys are really getting yourself situated out here first and then once that whole thing with my brother and us in the apartment, like I feel like that was just meant to happen the way it did and just being away from you guys, especially missing out on Uriah's years, like that, like I, I didn't want to, I didn't want to be apart from you guys.

Speaker 2 3:55

I think so too, and I didn't feel like there was much keeping me in Colorado regardless. I was doing the same thing, like the same cycle all the time, and there was no progress within myself. Now, over here I mean work, like a new relationship I'm finding myself more and more out here and I'm at peace, like I don't even feel the need to go back to Colorado like that no more, unless to visit family, obviously, but other than that, though, I've made a home I made myself out here so far.

Speaker 1 4:20

I love that no-transcript it ever happening Like my only missing piece is my Darian, but I mean, I respect that. He has his life and his life is his to live, and you know, and I just all I want to see is you guys be happy, be at peace, and I see that for you and nothing makes me happier.

Growing Through Perspective Shifts

Speaker 2 5:12

Thanks, mama, you're welcome. Honestly it's a big step and honestly it was the biggest blessing. In disguise, yeah, like huge, it shows you like the type of people like that. That, the way it could be and like the way I shouldn't have been so attached over there for the wrong reasons, is really what it was for me.

Speaker 1 5:28

I honestly think it's just growth, because I feel like everybody goes through that. Yeah, I feel like everybody goes through that initial stage, like, especially as you're younger, mm-hmm, looking outward for everybody to like co-sign your ideas or to like believe in you, accept you, to like you, to want you, to love you. You know all these things and like, the older you get, the more you realize like not only is the power yours, but the blessing is yours. When you just look inside and because nobody at the end of the day, like even as a parent, like the hardest thing is like seeing your kids walk down a wrong path or doing something that you know is going to hurt them, right, but you have no power. Like we don't get to pull the puppet strings and say do this, do that, you know we kind of just like it's like watching a car wreck.

Speaker 1 6:21

Yeah, it's like you live and you learn.

Speaker 1 6:22

You have to go through it yourself and so that's like the hardest thing, but it applies to everybody.

Speaker 1 6:26

Like you don't get to decide what other people get to do with their life, and that's like even for you guys, like it's was the hardest thing for me to pull back, like having adult children and then having Uriah, because, like Uriah, I can not so much influence, but he still values my opinion.

Speaker 1 6:44

Yeah, he still wants to, wants to know, like, hey, mom, like what do you do that? Like, what should you do here? What should I do that? Like, even I mean even his haircut, like I had to let go of picking his haircut and that was tough, that was super tough. But, like for you guys, you and Darian, like being adults already, mm-hmm, I feel like even just recently, like it was more of, instead of me pushing my ideas, what I thought you should do, what I thought was best for you, to just falling back and just having, like leaning into my faith instead of having fear over what's going to happen to you guys, and just saying, like God, you got them, yeah, like you have them and they know that you're there, so they know that they have you Exactly and you have more power than I ever will.

Speaker 2 7:28

So just bless my babies, like yeah, he's just blessed my babies and exactly that's kind of how it was like growing up, too, I was just like majority of a people pleaser. I felt like I was always trying to get everybody's validation and stuff like that. So then, even like there was a point where I came, like where I was beating myself up, thinking that I wasn't making you or dad proud enough of me or I wasn't doing enough, it was to the point where I know you guys love me regardless. I just have to go through my own path, and if you guys love me enough, you're going to join me throughout the journey with it. So I value your guys's opinion like no other. Still, I still come to you guys for anything. If I can, well, I can.

Speaker 2 8:03

But but regardless, though, I'm realizing more and more like just how much of a shift it changes from being just that little teenage girl that was just, like you know, living life just because she didn't have any responsibilities. Now that I'm kind of learning my own journey, going through my own path, I'm just, it's so fun, it's so different. But, boys, it's scary sometimes and that's where, like, I come back, lean on you, like, hey, what is like? What is this? What is this like at the end of the day, I I still have to figure it out my own, because you're not always going to be around well, yes, I am.

Speaker 1 8:35

I I've already put in my bid for life and, like I'm like 90, at least 95 that's you know, like, if, if I have it my way, which honestly I can say, like I truly believe, like even just looking at uriah and that's what I've always told you, like I swear when I knew I was gonna like I.

Navigating the Mother-Daughter Dynamic

Speaker 1 8:57

Some people believe in manifestation, some people even answered prayers, so I do whatever it is, but it truly is like a superpower that I feel like everybody possesses. We just forget sometimes. Yeah, like the thoughts that we have in our head, but, like I said, look at uriah, like whenever I feel like I'm down and like why isn't this working out? Or why isn't this like and it's all. Like I said with age, yeah, when I was your age, I was just like, like I wanted my way and if it didn't work out my way, I was like what the fuck? Like?

Speaker 2 9:23

what's happening?

Speaker 1 9:23

like why?

Speaker 1 9:24

and I'm learning that, my, I'm learning that, but now, like, as I'm older, it's like everything that didn't work out the way I thought it was supposed to work out worked out even better, and even all the scary shit that it was like how in the hell are we gonna get through this like we did? We did so. It's like now when I it's just me getting out of my own head. Yeah, and that's because I'm kind of a control freak, if you could imagine Like just a little bit, but I like You're supposed to say no.

Speaker 1 9:54

You're supposed to say no, you're not.

Speaker 2 9:55

I thought it was like one of those things where you say, yes, mom, you're right, you're completely right. Yeah, thank you, thanks, but no, I wouldn't say you're a control freak. I feel like you're more someone that went through life and you're just trying to help the people that you can around you as much as you can. I mean. True, yeah, I feel like you just have certain ways that you wish people would have taught you or like told you. Yeah, back, like back then, when you were going through all these things. Even now too, like even when it came to like you and dad like arguing or something like that, when I would, when you would talk to me and I'd tell you something, maybe from his point of view. Yeah, I remember that once you were like oh, I didn't think about it that way. Yeah, and even just little things like that, I feel like you're human.

Speaker 1 10:40

I mean, that's it, yeah, and I feel like this is something that a lot of people don't realize, like the importance of trying to get out of your own perspective and trying to see what another person's perspective is. Because we get so in our heads and we think like my way is the only way, or I could. I'm thinking this how on earth could they possibly think something?

Speaker 1 11:02

different and I feel like you, and I especially like you, and I went through that so much where I was just like like, oh my God, like, what do you mean? Like how could she possibly think anything's different?

Speaker 1 11:13

And for me it was because you were my baby and I'm like I don't want you to like skid your knee, get your heart broken, like people that I don't want you around, because I could just feel their energy. Yeah, like they don't love you, they don't like they I, they're waiting for an opportunity to hurt you. Yeah, I wanted to just like protect you from everything. But and it was the biggest thing to be like how, how, how can she not see this? How does she not understand this? How does she not get this? You know what I mean, and that that was a tough little phase.

Speaker 1 11:43

Yeah, that we went through, but we made it out. We did, of course, but you know, what's so funny is like when I worked at Remax, one of my friends, alicia Rotherham, she had a daughter and you were still so little, but she's like, don't worry, she was like between 15 and 18, she's going to hate you. She was like, but don't worry, like once she 18, like 20. She was like she'll come back, like she'll remember, and I'm like like I was like like clockwork, like tell me, tell me. Like I rolled my eyes at the time and I was like, oh no, my daughter will love me forever. Like there's no way we'll never like. But then like during 15 to 18, I was like who the fuck is this person Like? Who is she Like? I don't know who this person is.

Speaker 2 12:23

She's going through a manic episode.

Speaker 1 12:24

But I feel like it's normal. But my thing is like losing my dad at 15. Like I, nobody knew me the way my dad knew me, so nobody got to experience my crazy yeah. And then, like being in other people's households, like at 15, it was already me and Fina like just doing us, like we were doing our thing, that like there was really nobody knew like to check my crazy yeah, because I just I couldn't act crazy. I was in other people's households Like there was no.

Speaker 1 12:54

And it was so weird because like Bara was so strict with Fina that and I was so used to having a strict dad that it was like all her rules applied to me. You're no longer just a house guest, you're over here helping him clean and everything. I was like I can't do anything because fina can't, and people would be like what do you mean? I'm like well, it works. Like I could never do anything anyways. My dad was very like I gotta talk to the parents, I gotta make sure you know. And so when bada was like you guys can't go anywhere, I was like okay, no argument okay, yeah, like that was the easy part.

Raising Children and Looking Forward

Speaker 1 13:27

But then adulting started and but I mean that was for me. Like I tell everybody, like leaving el paso at 18, I had to leave because it was just so slow here, like everything was slow Every like there wasn't job opportunities, there wasn't, like I didn't know how to build a life for myself here in El Paso. But now, as an adult, like I love that you guys are here in El Paso because it's slow, it's like and there's, I feel like there's more opportunity, where the opportunities they're all along, probably, but I didn't know where to look for them, because at 15, like I got a little taste of Colorado, yeah, that I was like, oh shoot, like this is home, this is going to be home. There's no way I could like live anywhere else other than the ocean. But like Miami was out of my price range and I didn't know anybody there. So that's what it was. So, like I mentioned, like do you feel? Like, how do you feel as far as like living here in El Paso now? Like, do you feel?

Speaker 1 14:26

like you'll be, here as long as I'm here, or are you going to follow me to everywhere else To?

Speaker 2 14:30

be told. I mean, if I'm being honest with the relationship that I have with Esteban right now, I feel like, eventually, if he is going to be traveling and stuff like that, I'd be able to do it for a little while or whatever. But say like in the future, if he wanted to move to Georgia like he wanted to, eventually I'm, I'd be down for that. I mean, I feel like I've already detached myself so much from, like Denver, from being there all my life and then coming here and then still getting used to it over here. I feel like just that move from over here to El Paso I could take on anywhere. I feel like, and that, and that's where I'm like wow, like I only pictured myself only ever being in Colorado. I feel like that was my whole life, that's all I was ever going to be at.

Speaker 2 15:09

And then, being over here, I even put into my head like, okay, maybe I could raise a family out here, maybe I could, you know, have my own little thing going out here too. And who's to say that it still can't happen. But I don't think I'd be here like for the rest of my life, though. I see myself moving somewhere else too, though. Okay, yeah, but that's fair either way, though, especially if, like if I were to have kids or something like that, I would want to have my time to like, obviously be around my family. I would not want to be anywhere else. Like I'm not taking my grandbaby. I'm not taking the babies, don't worry like you don't get to see them.

Speaker 1 15:42

No, it's already hard enough with Lonnie, not here.

Speaker 2 15:44

Oh, I know.

Speaker 1 15:45

Like Lonnie and Nevaeh, like even Josie, like those are my little, like my little trio of like the minute we get into town, Like where are they at? How quickly do I get them? Like it's.

Speaker 2 15:55

And then Uriah too. He Like Rudy, oh yeah, like baby, your eye beats out. He's like you think mom would have another baby. No, I'm like ooh, good luck honey. It took me 13 years to even get you, yeah.

Speaker 1 16:07

No, no, I mean at this point like dad used to say when we were going to have Uriah, and he's like we're done, we're done Like now.

Speaker 2 16:19

I'm like oh no, I'm honestly starting to realize the shift and change too, Like the way that I have to beg him to say I love you before I leave. Yeah, I'm like I love you no.

Speaker 1 16:31

He's like I love you. I mean, he just turned 11, but he's basically a little tween.

Speaker 2 16:38

God help us us all. Right, god helped us all. You're right. If you're watching this, just know I'm always love you. I was gonna say just know whoa, and if I need to be a little girl's ass, I thought you were gonna say like something like a secret in relation to me. No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 16:55

Mom does this here's the cheat code.

Speaker 2 16:57

Here's the well, oh well, you can't don't tell mom how you're. Don't assume that you know how mom's feeling, because seriously, that's where most of the arguments go. She raises her voice in a little tone and her tone and voice changes. She's not mad sometimes, not all the time she should be usually, but for the most part she's not really mad. And then I know the way that he tells you like you're being, like you're happy mad, I'm calm mad, you're calm mad. There we go.

Calm Mad and Final Thoughts

Speaker 1 17:29

He hates. When I'm calm mad, it feels like passive, aggressive. What is calm mad? Calm mad is like him. He's mad, he's having a mini breakdown, but I'm like, not emotionless, but I'm like, not emotionless, but I'm not as emotional. And so he like, according to him, that's calm mad like we should patent the word like I don't know.

Speaker 2 17:48

I know I'm not the only mom that gets calm mad, but it's just kind of like I think it makes him more paranoid, because that's how I was remember when I crashed the car oh, you don't know which way, you're like you're waiting for the next thing to happen. What's's going on? Are you going to? Am I going to snap or what? No, yes, I think it was like two days, two days after that's, when you snapped. No, I'm like I'm thinking I'm in close clear.

Speaker 1 18:12

I'm sure there was something that made it.

Speaker 2 18:14

Yeah, I talked back, I talked back.

Speaker 1 18:25

I said something slick under, like under my mouth, and you were like, okay, I didn't. I didn't say nothing. Then I didn't do nothing then. But give me a reason. I've been waiting for it. I'm my daddy's daughter. When it comes to smart ass, I just have zero tolerance for it. But all right, well, it was nice chatting with you, monkey. It was nice letting all of your audience get to know us a little better. Come back next week and we will get more into some tough love and tegates cheers.