Tough Love and Tecates
Mother-Daughter Duo discussing, life, love, financials, and goals.
Tough Love and Tecates
Beyond Limiting Beliefs: Transforming "I Can't" into Financial Freedom
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Money talk can be tough, especially between generations, but in this candid mother-daughter conversation, Rita and Trini Cates break down the financial realities facing young adults today.
The painful truth? Our educational system leaves most young people completely unprepared for managing their finances. As Rita explains, this knowledge gap becomes particularly dangerous when 18-year-olds are bombarded with credit card offers—a trap she fell into herself right after high school. "Credit is king," she emphasizes, explaining how poor credit decisions in your youth can limit opportunities for decades to come.
For Trini and many in her generation, the challenges are even greater. With rising costs of living and wages that haven't kept pace, there's precious little room for financial missteps. She openly shares her struggles with impulsive spending and the difficulty of prioritizing long-term goals like homeownership when immediate gratification feels so rewarding. The conversation takes an enlightening turn when Rita breaks down practical strategies: maintaining separate accounts for needs versus wants, prioritizing home purchases before car payments, and the critical importance of setting clear financial targets. "If you don't have goals," she warns, "you're just working—and that's what gives burnout."
Perhaps most valuable is their discussion about mindset. Rita shares wisdom that has guided her entrepreneurial journey: "If it matters, you make it happen. If it doesn't, you make an excuse." This perspective, coupled with her observation that "the lies you tell yourself are the ones that hurt you the most," reveals how our financial limitations often begin in our own thinking. Whether you're struggling with money management or simply want to build a stronger financial future, this conversation offers both practical wisdom and the encouragement to transform limiting beliefs into an abundance mindset that actually helps you achieve your goals. What financial limiting belief is holding you back?
Hi guys, welcome to Tough Love with the Cates. My name is Trini. This is my mom, rita. Today we're going to be talking about more financial type of struggles that I may have, that you guys may have, and more just trying to get my mom's input about what that's like, how financially, like stable, how hard it is to be, like stable with money, just be more responsible with it really. So I guess my question for you, mom, is like what was it like being my age and just kind of figuring out the world when, like making your own money and how you're spending it, like what was, how was it like being in your 20s?
Credit Cards and Bad Financial Habits
Speaker 2like that I mean honestly. I feel like nobody really gives our youth the tools to know how to manage their finances appropriately. Yes ma'am, like I feel like you kind of I mean in my experience, like straight out of high school, you get all these offers for credit cards like the minute you turn 18. Yep, like in my day and age, like everybody, like the first two were like your victoria's secret card and then your limited card that you, just you went and maxed out. You didn't have a job. So how do you?
Speaker 1know you're gonna pay them back right?
Speaker 2um, but you know that was the introduction to bad credit because, um, nobody taught us, nobody knew any better. But I can tell you, like, from my experience, like I got those two cards straight out of high school, went and got my cutest outfits possible so I could go hang out in Denver. Um, you know right, I mean I turned 18 in March. I moved to Denver by June, so it was just like a quick. So go get the cutest outfits to go hang out and party.
Speaker 2Yeah, but I feel like more importantly now is because everything's getting so expensive that you, for your generation, like you guys, don't have the luxury to mess up credit and then have the time to fix it. Because I will tell you, like, credit is king, credit is everything in this world and you can have all the money in the world. But if you don't have the credit score, like it limits what you're able to do in life. But like, specifically, like what? What would you say? You've done that? Or what your fears are, as far as you know, being able to become financially stable.
Setting Financial Goals and Budgeting
Speaker 1I think for me it's just. I feel like in school they don't really teach you about like what it is to like lease and like the new cars or whatever, and like taxes, mortgages, stuff like that. I mean they don't unless you have like a course or something like that that you signed up for. But they don't have a lot that they offer in schools like that for that type of education. So like going out into the real world, especially like not having to rely on you and dad for money, like when it comes to that certain aspect of me getting my own money, having my own job, you know, obviously want to experience in the world and stuff like that, shifting from, like you know, having to stay home because I didn't have the money or like I wasn't able to at the time. So, like now, when I have the funds, I just want to splurge, I just want to buy whatever and, like even Esteban said, I have impulsive buying issues really bad, and I'm still working on it.
Speaker 1I actually feel like I've been doing pretty good from the last time that we talked about it. Um, it's more of like just it feels good to be able to spend like your own money, knowing that you got that for yourself, yeah, so like now, now that I'm like trying to, I know that I have goals for what I want to do, like get a new car, like have my own house and not have a lease for like an apartment because you have. You've always told me like you're always, if you're leasing, you're wasting money. Yes, all the time.
Speaker 1So it's a stepping stone don't get me wrong, I don't judge anybody that rents.
Speaker 2But if are renting and you've rented for more than a couple years, you need to have a plan in place on how to transition from renting to buying. Because it is attainable, it is still attainable especially in El Paso.
Speaker 2El Paso is still affordable. I will tell you, I bought my house in Colorado for $189,900 in 2007. Like, that same house is, like worth four times that much now. And that's not to say, oh, my God, I have this house. That's worth all kinds of money. That's to say, within the last 20 years, it went from being affordable to good luck and that's why, like, especially here in El Paso, I want, like it's so affordable, like you can still buy a home.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah, and that's kind of a goal of mine, yeah.
Speaker 2So I would say, like to help with that, like the first and foremost is to have the goals. Yeah, know what your goals are. Like I've always told you like if you, if you don't have goals, you don't know what you're working towards, you're just working, yeah, you know, and that's what gives burnout, that what gives. And I do feel like it's important, like to have from every paycheck, something that you reward yourself with because you are the one doing the work but I feel like it's important to budget yes, and that's something I'm learning right now is, like you like to me in my head.
Speaker 1I'm thinking, oh, okay, so I made a thousand and like the two-week period that I was working, whatever. I'm thinking, okay, I'm gonna spend what I need to handle the bills that I need to for, like, rent, my phone bill, whatever the case is, and then I have the rest of that to spend. But it's now I'm learning that's not how it goes. Don't do that. Um, now it's more of like as soon as you get your check, pay your bills, put what you need to, that you want saving into there, and then whatever is left, that's for you.
Speaker 1But like that's still. I mean like groceries or anything like that. I know like right now I don't have any actual like real big responsibilities besides me paying rent and my phone bill and stuff like that. But come to the day where I am going to want to like have my car, I'm going to have to pay it off every week or pay it off every month or whatever. And that's something I wish they would have taught me more, a little bit more, about in school, because they teach you like to work your hardest like your whole life and that's it, like your work, your hardest to be at the same spot and like not really have, like they don't like teach you, like to set goals and stuff like that on the work the worker bee yeah, that's, that's.
Speaker 2That's one thing I'm like today, that's another rabbit hole that we can go down we could literally have a whole other segment just on that and how I feel about that, but I feel like it's. I've always raised you guys because my dad always raised us to have an entrepreneurial mentality where you find you control your business.
Speaker 2Somebody's not paying you, you're running your business and I feel like that's what got me into real estate. Yeah, is you know? I went from, you know, being a front desk at a real estate office to managing it to, you know, the only step above that was real estate. Yeah, and that's where you know that I'm getting in a little sideline, but I feel like that's important, like I feel like a lot of our youth isn't being encouraged to find and make a life for themselves as far and you know they're just being trained to go be worker bees and I feel like that's what keeps a lot of people you know where, and it's no judgment to anybody in the workforce.
Speaker 2Let me make that clear, first and foremost. You know everybody has their own experiences and what they do, but for me, I want to make sure that I the earning I work is based off work that I put in, not what someone tells me I move, but you have to start somewhere.
Car Payments vs. Home Ownership
Speaker 2All the time, of course, you know, like for you my thing was with you establishing work ethic. Yeah, you knowing what it is, you know the value of a dollar and stuff like that. So I feel like what people just overlook a lot is you know just the budgeting. It's just finding out. You know what your goals are.
Speaker 2And for me I do everything on paper, like I'm the old school pen and paper kind of girl.
Speaker 2Like with all my clients, like, if they want to, we literally sit down, we go through what their monthly income is, we go through what their monthly expenses are, because a pre-approval will tell you how much you qualify for.
Speaker 2But my importance is that monthly mortgage payment Because, like, I tell them, like, even if you qualify for 650, if you have to cut a check or not a cut to cut a check anymore, if you have to go online and click to make a payment, and you hate that number, you're going to hate me just as much.
Speaker 2And so I feel like, once you know what those numbers are on paper, first and foremost, like your halves have to get taken care of right off the top. Yeah, and for me personally, my halves are in a completely separate account than my wants. And even then I have a third account where my you know, there's my I want right now and there's my I want for the future. Okay, so you have to make sure that you have different pots of where your funds are going and you have to have the discipline to not dip into one for the other. If there's something that you decide like in the now, like, oh, I really want that, because every time that you take from the future wants to get a want I want right now, you're only robbing yourself of your goal.
Speaker 1Okay. Well, what would you say is like something that like fresh out of school, that you wish somebody would have told you like hey, right then. And there, like let me tell you you should do this, this and that, like just to help you get set up for what you want in the future.
Speaker 2First and foremost, do not take on any credit if you do not have a source of income to pay it back. Okay, that's first. Okay. Second, when you do start generating an income I mean me, like I always told you, like, take advantage. If you're an 18-year-old and you're still living with your parents and you're, you know that is money time Like, honestly, most parents they're not going to charge you an arm and a leg for rent, they're not going to charge you for utilities and stuff like that. So, like, like I did with you, like I, I want a stepping stone, yeah, a stepping stone where you go from like not paying anything to paying X amount of dollars. Um, so you understand what it is to have expenses and responsibilities.
Speaker 2Then I would say, like I cringe every single time somebody tells me that they bought a car to build credit. Buying a car is not the best way to build your credit. And if you're trying to buy your home, your car payment is going to eat your debt to income ratios, so you qualify for practically nothing. That car payment is in most cases, especially today, like that's the equivalent to a mortgage. So that's why you always tell me so that's why I tell you like if you want and I'm not telling everybody don't go drive in nice cars.
Speaker 1Yeah, I mean, it's the dream you would never say that yeah.
Speaker 2But if you want to, if home ownership is your goal a new automobile shouldn't be you will always get the car. You will always qualify for the car after the home. If you get the car first, you're gonna have to pay off that car before you qualify, unless you are able to find other revenues of income right to be able to offset what that payment is. So it doesn't eat up all your debt to income ratios okay okay.
Speaker 1Well, what would you say? Like for people that don't have like the support, like system, like to where they can be, like they can't live with their parents, like until they're 18, like they're?
Speaker 2go minimal. Okay, go minimal I mean, there's so many like you. I mean you and I have been looking for little you know, little spaces of your own. Yeah, you know what I mean. And there's so many like you, I mean you and I have been looking for little, you know little spaces of your own.
Speaker 1Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2And it's like you can pay for the fancy apartment with the mortgage, I mean with the rent of like $1,500 a month. You know that has the pool and the amenities that you think you're going to use. But in reality, when you're working and living life like you don't spend a ton of time in your own apartment complex life like you don't spend a ton of time in your own apartment complex. So it's like, instead of spending that, like, find something that's reasonable, that's comfortable, that's safe, obviously, but that way it allows you to save more money towards what your long-term goals are. Okay, and I mean, you know me, like I I work for travel, like yes, that's my reward to myself.
Speaker 2I'm not one I don't splurge a lot on like shopping for clothes and like nails, nails, hair stuff like that, like those just expenses aren't important to me, like they just don't take a front line, like for me, like right now, obviously, like these last few years, everything's been about getting this business open, running, so a lot of the things that I enjoy doing I've kind of cut back just for purposes of, you know, recuperating from the losses that we have to take with everything that's happening.
Speaker 2But I don't feel like I've made the mistake where you know I, like I said earlier, like if you, what you think and what you speak becomes your reality, so when you're walking around saying I can't or I can't, I can't, yeah you know. But if you know, it will get to a point where you know, once these businesses are up and running and stuff like that, like it'll come back to being a priority of doing the things that you know I, I'm tired of saying no, I can't. Now it's like let me find a way to make it happen and I feel like it's the same thing.
Overcoming Limiting Financial Beliefs
Speaker 2It's like just getting rid of the limiting beliefs that you can't be financially stable.
Speaker 1Yeah, you always told me too. You always told me too. The only person that's ever holding you back is you.
Speaker 2Yeah, well, I mean, it's a famous quote that my dad used to always tell me, but I hold it to be my dad's quote of if it matters, you make it happen, and if it doesn't, you make an excuse. And I feel like that's so true and that one goes with the other one of whether you say you can do something or you can't, you're absolutely right. And it's more like I mean, and life's always going to throw challenges at you, and I'm learning, like, especially these last three years, like I feel like the challenges are just to test you to see if you want it bad enough Right, like are you willing and what are you willing to do to get there? Like I've obviously made some mistakes, you know, within the last few years that I'm not proud of, but I can't take them back. All I can do is, like own them and do everything I can to make things right and to move forward.
Speaker 2And I feel like it's in those times that you really like, you test what you're made of, like what you're able to do, and I feel like once, like the abundance mindset of just like, instead of I can't, I can't, I can't to like okay, like just I, I know I, I know I can have it or it wouldn't have been in my head. Yeah, just just light the path, show me the way like and let me do it on all the right terms.
Speaker 1Yeah, I'm starting to learn that I'm starting to learn that myself, because you already know how I am, like I'm probably my biggest hater.
Speaker 1Like I would beat myself down, like literally say like, oh no. Like I would limit myself to a lot of things just because I was scared of what the outcome may be, like not thinking of the positive, the way it should be. You know, and that's what I'm slowly learning about myself is like you're not getting anywhere. You're not going to be going anywhere further if you're not making the next steps to go like to that part that you want to be at. So, right now, slowly, like I'm getting there. It's definitely still a learning experience. Of course, I mean I'm not going to get it like within the next, like tomorrow or something like that, but for the meantime, though, like that's why I'm very happy that I have you and dad like as a support system, like even as someone, like to be able to say like hey, like if I'm doubting myself, there's always somebody in my corner that believes in me and like, in some way, yeah, always.
Speaker 2But even then, like you have, like even just the phrase that I've always told you, like the lies you tell yourself are the ones that hurt you the most. Yes, do you know what I mean? And I feel like it's all. It's also like the thoughts you tell yourself are the ones that hurt you the most, and it's a full time job, like to freaking, like everybody. Oh, you're always so positive. You're always like, sometimes, like when I try to like, because I I don't feel like, I feel like energy is contagious, so I feel like I always try to put my best foot forward. I always and I'm not um like, how do I say it?
Speaker 2Obstacles don't scare me. I actually like I love a challenge, like I love when somebody tells me no, and then I have to figure out how to make it a yes, yeah, um, and so things like that, like when you just train your brain to like when all the negative thoughts come in and you're just like no, shut up, go sit down, let me like, I can't think with you right now. I need to go focus on the solution. Yeah, and that's hard, that it's. It's hard, it really is. It's so hard, but it's required. Yeah, you know what I mean, like it's not an option like for me like, quitting is not an option.
Finding Resources and Closing Thoughts
Speaker 2I would be more embarrassed if I quit something that I know I didn't put all my efforts into than me putting all my efforts and it didn't work out. Yeah, at least you could say that you tried. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I feel like it's the same with your financial goals. The only way you won't reach them is if you quit. Yeah, and there's so many resources out there available, like there's literally an app for everything rocket mortgage. You're the best.
Speaker 1Um, I would encourage I think I already told you- yes, I actually do and, honestly, I get emails all the time. I hate girl. Yeah, you set a goal. Yeah, you're spending too much of that.
Speaker 2Yeah, like yeah, well, I mean, there's so much technology out there to help you. So it's kind of like, and you know, if you have any goals like I for me, I'm not just a realtor, I am a resource. I want to help guide you through not only the home buying purchase, through what it is to like get good financials in place so that you're able to take on the homeownership without anything. And I feel like, don't be embarrassed, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. So I feel like, on that note, like I hope you got enough information and, if not, like you know where to find me. But yeah, well, we'll check back next week. Hope you guys have a good one. Cheers.