Becoming Mom: Fear, Support, and Breaking Old Cycles

A toast without Tecates and a reveal that changes everything—we’re expecting, and we’re talking honestly about what that means for our lives, our show, and our family. From first-time mom jitters to the rush of hearing a tiny heartbeat, we trace the messy, beautiful arc from fear to fierce devotion and share how we’re rewriting old rules along the way.

We open up about two very different pregnancies: one marked by instability and nonstop nausea, the other planned and flooded with early joy. That contrast sparks deeper questions: How do you break cycles of “my way or the highway”? What does it look like to parent by listening instead of control? We share the simple prompt that changed our conversations—“Do you want to vent, or want advice?”—and how it turned conflict into clarity. There’s laughter over baby names, tenderness around medical scares that looked like colic but weren’t, and real talk about the weight loss, insecurity, and intrusive opinions that can make new motherhood feel isolating.

If you’re stepping into parenthood or healing your relationship with your own parents, this is a grounded, nonjudgmental guide. We dig into mom guilt, why asking for help is a strength, and how self-care isn’t indulgent—it’s a parenting skill. We talk co-regulation, nervous system resets, practical coping (sleep when the baby sleeps; put the baby down safely when you’re spent), and the courage to build a family culture that fits your values, not the internet’s expectations. No comparisons, no shoulds—just compassion, boundaries, and a little bit of baby fever.

Subscribe, share this with someone who needs a calmer take on new motherhood, and leave a review with the one belief about parenting you’re letting go of this year. We’re listening.

Transcript

Big News: Baby On The Way

unknown 0:02

Sorry.

SPEAKER_01 0:05

All right, sorry.

unknown 0:07

Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 0:11

Hey guys.

Shifting The Show Format

SPEAKER_02 0:12

Welcome back to Tough Love and Thicatas. Today we kind of have a special announcement to make for the next seven, eight months. We are just gonna be tough love because my baby's having a baby, so there will be no techas.

SPEAKER_00 0:29

I in solidarity with her. I will not have thicatas while I film a podcast. When I go home, on the other hand, that's a whole other story. But thanks, mom, for your sacrifice. Thank you. You're very welcome.

SPEAKER_02 0:41

You're very welcome. Congratulations. Thank you. Thank you, Anestebon. And I'm so excited. I already know it's gonna be a girl.

First-Time Mom Nerves

Mom’s Unexpected Pregnancy Story

SPEAKER_01 0:48

I have a feeling it is too. Like a really strong feeling. I met her in my dreams. Yeah. But on that note, though, I do want to talk a little bit more about motherhood. I mean, this is my first child. I'm pretty nervous. Um, I just wanted to know like what, like, how was it when you found out? What was that experience like?

Fear, Instinct, And Protection

From “Never Kids” To Baby Fever

SPEAKER_02 1:07

Well, I feel like just like so many other things, you and I are gonna have two completely different experiences. Um, just being honest, when I found out I was pregnant with you, I had moved to Colorado a few months before, and I was not expecting you at all in any way, shape, or form. I didn't really know, like I knew I was gonna live in Denver, but I didn't know what my life was gonna be. Yeah. I hadn't like even really thought about it. I was just relocating, and you know, everything happened so fast that um I was scared. I was I was terrified uh for so many reasons. Um, mostly like I didn't have my own place yet. I didn't know um, you know, job wise. I think I was I wasn't even I don't even know that I can't remember if I was working. If I was working, I think I was working for for SGI. It was a company that does uh like cleans up the 16th Street Mall. I would do like adamant stuff. I was in the office. So I mean I did have a job. I just I mean, truthfully, like I I didn't know what to expect. What to expect or more for me, it was like I didn't feel like I had the stability because I I wasn't stable. I like I had moved a few months before. I wasn't, I like, but I will tell you, like once your fear moves out of the way, like it's literally just once your baby's born, there's nothing you won't do to save, protect, shield, like provide. And it just all kind of all the fear flies out the window, and you're just you're holding this other uh person in your arms, and you made that person and you grew that person, and it's just a whole other life. It it's a completely different life. Like Trina, you are today, you will never be the same. Yeah, in the most in the most wonderful ways. I mean, in the in most scary ways too, because now looking at you at 23 years old, it's like holy shit, like oh my gosh, like I remember holding you and being newborn and being like, oh my gosh, like now, now it really makes you remove yourself from any equation. Yeah, like nothing you do is about yourself anymore. But I will tell you, like that's also that's the blessing and the curse.

SPEAKER_01 3:36

For me, I'm like, I've always used to be like, forget them kids. I'm never gonna have kids.

SPEAKER_00 3:42

Well, say it how you'd say it. Keep it real.

SPEAKER_01 3:44

Okay, I used to say, fuck them kids. I used to preach it to the mountaintops, to the world. Like everybody'd be like, wait until you have your own. I used to be like, no, that's never gonna happen. That's never me. Never. And then I don't know. I kind of I kind of knew what I was getting myself into. I wasn't like a like stupid.

SPEAKER_02 4:02

I kind of think so too. I don't, I don't feel like no part of it feels like this is a oops baby.

Heartbeat Moment And Name Talk

SPEAKER_01 4:06

Yeah, no, it kind of wasn't. I think for us, we had like baby fever before. Like I told you, since me and him were like first fresh into our relationship, like, I want a baby. Yeah, I want a baby with him, I want a baby. And then now, like the moment we found out, it was just like, holy shit, what's next? Like now we're like, okay, now we have to really get our shit together right now. Kind of the same thing of like being stable, we like we're working our ways towards that. And it's scary, but it's also like it's so cool. It's so cool. The first time I heard the baby's heartbeat, like, oh, the freaking tears that I felt, and like the anxiety, but such like relief to know that like there's an extra heartbeat in me. Like, there's I'm growing some like a whole human being in it's a trip, but I'm really excited. I already have a girl name picked out.

SPEAKER_00 4:55

What is it?

SPEAKER_01 4:55

Katalea.

SPEAKER_00 4:56

Catalina.

SPEAKER_01 4:57

Katalea. Catalia. Or Lina. I actually think I like Lina too, because it's the one next to that too. Well, and grandma's call her Lina. Grandma's Lina. Catalina.

SPEAKER_02 5:05

Well, and my we have a name's Catalina. So it's so many. Teddy's mom. Oh, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:13

Hello. Well, yeah. I I kind of aim it towards Katal Katalea, but Catalina sounds nice too. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 5:19

I think I'd probably call her Lena anyways, because the heck is Catalea. Like, no, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I swore I wouldn't do that. I swore I wouldn't.

SPEAKER_01 5:28

Like, this is your baby, your life, your everything. So I I'm catching up. Don't worry. I'll get that. I've always liked that name though. Like since I first heard it. Like, truth be told, it's from the movie Colombiana. Um, when I first heard her name in the movie, I was like, oh my god, that's such a pretty name. Like, I would love to have my daughter's name like that.

SPEAKER_00 5:46

Colombiana. Yes, literally, while they're chasing her, trying to kill her the whole time. You're like, oh my god, I'd love that. Well, you know what, though, that's a unique name. It's like a it's a flower. I'm kidding.

SPEAKER_01 5:56

It's a flower.

SPEAKER_00 5:57

You're totally joking.

SPEAKER_01 5:58

I know, monkey. I know. But yeah, we don't have any ideas for a boy though. Like, that's because it's not a boy, so it's irrelevant. And it's funny too, because I always used to say too, if I ever have like a kid, I would want it to be a boy first. But like now, my mind has shifts so much from even like me saying I would never have a kid at all at all to begin with. So now I'm like, I don't know, I wouldn't mind a little mini me. Yeah, we cute.

unknown 6:22

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 6:22

And there'd probably be an Aries baby too. Who knows? We plan, God laughs. So But what else? Um, I was just gonna say, like, what was something that you wish somebody would have told you before even having me?

Listening Over Control

SPEAKER_02 6:36

I wish somebody would have told me that my way is not the highway, and that I would have the ability to learn so much from my child instead of me just trying to do what was done with me to somebody else. I wish I somebody would have told me like you you can listen to your child. You can, you know what I mean? Because I feel like like you and Darien and Uriah had completely even you and Darien had completely different versions of me, but even like Uriah, like you and Darion were kind of similar because you guys were in the same house at the same time. But it's like now so much of me has learned to just, I mean, if I'm being perfectly honest, just shut up and listen. Like, like you, even as a little kid, like you are entitled to an opinion, you're entitled to have your own feelings, you're entitled to like you don't have to think like me. And I feel like I grew up in a household where it was pretty much like my way or the highway, and this is how it has to be done, and there was very strict rules you had to follow, and you couldn't do this, and you couldn't do that, and you couldn't, you know, there was so much things we could not do that I I wish when I was younger and I had you, somebody would have told me, like, you know, not everything's wrong and not every experience has a bad outcome. I wish somebody would have told me that.

SPEAKER_01 8:07

Yeah, it's kind of what I want to carry on to my kids too. Like be able to listen to them, be able to be their comfort and be able to like for them to come to me for anything.

SPEAKER_02 8:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:15

Like anything. Even if it's something that I think that like I'd be upset about, they know I'd be upset, but I wouldn't like scold them or make them feel like even worse about the situation if it was something bad or whatever. But yeah, I have a lot of things to learn. I'm definitely gonna be learning a lot for myself as a person, especially being a mom. Like it's so weird to say be a mom.

Finding Your Own Way

SPEAKER_02 8:38

Well, and you you you create this superpower within you that and I mean I mean, I will tell you, like, even now, like you're an adult, and for me, like I've had I've had to learn on a whole different level is how how to mother adult children because that was something even before I knew I was gonna be a grandma again, it was so important to me, like not to pass on to you or my grandbaby, like some of the generational traumas that I experienced. Or like I told you the other day, where it's like I I expect you to have boundaries. Yeah, I expect you to tell me, like, no mom, like this is we're gonna this is the way we're gonna do it. You know what I mean? Like instead of going back to my way, my way, my way. Like, yeah, like if you want to come to me for advice, I want to give it to you. But I don't want to be how I know I even was a few years ago. We're like, no, Trini, you have to do it this way. You should do it. You should do this, you should do that, you should do this, you should do that. I feel like now is the time more than ever, just for you to step into your own.

Advice Or Venting: New Boundaries

SPEAKER_01 9:47

Yeah. And that's kind of what I'm like, because I remember like I remember from one of my old podcasts where I was talking about like how I was like more so afraid to like, not afraid, that's not even the right word, but like I wanted to please you and dad. Like, I would do anything that you would like tell me that I should do. Because I thought it because obviously I I look up to you. I've always looked up to you in a lot of ways. So when you would give advice, I'd like to try it your way, but then like I've realized sometimes maybe your way isn't the way that I want to do it. So like now that it's it really is just gonna be me, like a lot of me, like figuring things out for myself and for my kid. I'm excited for it though. Yeah, it's really it's different.

SPEAKER_02 10:33

Well, I feel like even just with our relationship, how even when you talk to me, like I I trained myself and oh god, it was so freaking hard. So freaking hard. But to literally start the conversations with like, do you just want a vent or do you want advice advice? Yeah. Because there are so many times I feel like you and I just didn't know how to communicate. Yeah. Or I thought you meant one thing, but it was another. But because I was so I wanted to give, I wanted to shove my advice down your throat so much, like it didn't allow me to just listen. And that's where I feel like I've evolved and grown as a person where I I want, I want to hear what you have to say. Yeah. I want to hear what you think you should do. And then, like I said, if you want advice, I'm happy to give it, but it's not something that I feel like it's my place anymore.

SPEAKER_00 11:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:26

I feel like a lot of your evolution and your growing and your everything is gonna be where it's on you to figure certain things out.

SPEAKER_01 11:35

Yeah, well, I appreciate that though, because even now, like I've seen other people's relationships with their moms and their parents or whatever, and it's just I couldn't picture like not having the relationship that we have together now.

Drop The Comparison Trap

SPEAKER_02 11:48

Like I know, but I feel like the more you grow, the more you mature, and the more once you have your baby, like I feel, in my opinion, like so much time is wasted trying to judge other people or question why other people are how other people are that I will tell you like don't even don't compare yourself to other people. Yeah, don't judge other people, don't because you have all you see what surface you have no idea what goes on in the back end, and so like there's so many times that people are like privy to like a certain situation or something that they've gone through, and so many people feel like they're entitled to fucking chime in, and oh, so-and-so should have done this, and so-and-so should have done that, and and it's like you have no freaking clue, you have no clue what anybody like all you know is what was hearsay or what was there, or what like you have no freaking clue. So I will tell you, like, there's so much, like don't don't fall into the comparison or don't fall into the judgment, or don't fall into any of that because at the end of the day, like the only person's life you have to focus on is yours, is yours.

Overwhelm, Health, And Postpartum Reality

SPEAKER_01 12:59

Well, on that note too, like, how would you when it came to like being overwhelmed with like the newborn stage, especially? Like, how did you take care of yourself? And those like I didn't.

Medical Answers And Relief

SPEAKER_02 13:08

I I I looked like a lollipop. My head was this big, I was like 98 pounds. I'll never forget my Aunt Clara thought I was on drugs, and I was so sad because we had just came to Texas to visit, and she asked me, She's like, Are you on drugs? And I told her, Yeah, because everybody just starts a crack habit once you have a newborn baby. Like, of course. Um, that was I I was just highly offended because I was all sad. I was insecure myself because I've always been thick, I've never been a skinny girl. And for me to be like in a size zero clothes, it just felt so uncomfortable for me. A zero. That's crazy. Fourth of July of 2003. I was no 2002, the year you were born. You were born in April. By 4th of July, I was in a double zero. I was at Ross, I remember, and I tried on zeros and they didn't fit. And I was just like, oh my god, because I'm I mean coming-ass. I I lost everything coming from a size seven to like a zero, and everybody was like, Are you okay? And everybody, that's what that's what it was. That was the trigger for me. Are you okay? Are you okay? And it's like I'm trying. I'm I would joke that's because I didn't take my prenatal vitamins. But truth be told, it was because I did not have morning sickness with you. I had morning, noon, and night sickness, and it lasted literally till the day you were born. I had a copper penny taste in my mouth that did not go away. It literally tasted like I was sucking on a penny all day, every day. They would give me magic, they would give me all kinds of shit, and I would take it, but it wouldn't do anything. I gave birth to you, I brushed my teeth, and it was gone. I never had it again. I don't know what you did to me, but but that's what it was. And I was sick all the time, morning, noon, and night, up until the day I birthed you, just constantly throwing up. So I joke and I tell everybody like you took everything from me. Like you, you literally took my my fat, my your ass, my fat, my ass, my like everything. But I mean, I think I kind of got sidetracked there, but what was the original question? Like, how do you how do you take care of yourself, damn it? I mean, originally it was hard. How was it? And then come to find out, like when you were born and you had all those kidney issues, I like I had no clue. So you would just cry and cry and cry and cry.

SPEAKER_01 15:36

What is that term that they call it? Like when babies are always crying. Like colic.

Support Systems And Mom Guilt

SPEAKER_02 15:40

Yeah, that's colic is the term, you know what I mean? But you weren't colic, you just had pain that extra ureter. So you were getting like just I mean, practically born with UTIs, you know what I mean? Like you, you were just in pain, but you didn't know how to vocalize it. And I didn't know what to look for. Yeah. Because truth be told, I mean, I was mostly by myself when you were a baby. So it was just, it was literally a lot of just me and you. And so it was like I went to a doctor's appointment and I had lost another seven pounds in five weeks. And the doctor like finally told me, and she he's because at that time I was watching Lethian Larissa for grandma. And she told me and me. Yeah. And she was like, You can't do that. Like, you can't. Like the my doctor is the one who made me like Rita, you can't like stop it. You need to just focus on you and your baby, and like, and she said, like, when she sleeps, you sleep. If she if you're if she's crying and she won't stop crying, you need to put her down and go in another room. And if you need to cry, cry. But she said, if you're if she's not crying and you start crying, you're gonna make her cry. And literally, I I tested that little theory a couple times, and she was absolutely right that I was just like, okay, we'll get through this, we'll get through this. And finally, like when you were six months, like that's when they found everything that was happening with your body and your little kidneys and your little ureter, and they got you treatment, and then we were fine. So, I never had a surgery or anything for that. No, they just had you on medication. But it it is it's hard. So I will tell you from my experience, I hope you are able to balance. I feel like you're gonna be in a lot different of a situation because you're gonna have so much support, like probably support that you're gonna tell us to fuck off at certain points.

SPEAKER_01 17:28

Oh, yeah, I could I already feel that coming. Yeah, yeah.

Self-Care As A Parenting Skill

SPEAKER_02 17:31

You know what I mean? So I I feel like it's gonna be so much support, but you also, it's your responsibility to say you need help. Yeah. And it's your responsibility to understand that you don't have to do it all by yourself and that you're not a bad mom if you ask for help because mom guilt is real. It's so freaking real. Like, you one, you you're looking at this piece of art that you spent the last month creating that you you you convinced yourself that nobody else can take care of your baby the way you can take care of your baby. Like, even I would try to leave you, like, dad would be like, Oh, go with me here, or let's go do this. And I would leave you, and all you would do is cry. And I could hear you crying as I'm going to the car. So then I would go around the block and call. And if I could still hear you crying, I'd be like, look, just take me back. Just take me back. You know what I mean? And now, as like now I would encourage you if you're ever in that situation, just go. The baby will stop crying eventually.

SPEAKER_01 18:27

Yeah, just go. Well, that's one thing I was like, because I know a lot of people like stress enough, like you take care of the baby, yes, but like take care of yourself too. Like put that as a priority as well. Because if you're not in a good place, you're not gonna be in a good place to be able to take or like care for your baby in the way that you want.

Due Date Hopes And Closing

SPEAKER_02 18:46

Well, and I'm one of those people that I like I believe we all run at a frequency. And if you're at a bad frequency, your baby at that frequency. So I feel like prioritize yourself. Yeah. Because you who the way you take care of yourself is the way you were able to take care of other people and not vice versa. So, with that being said, I guess we gotta wrap up. Time is up, but it was fun, and I'm so excited. Thank you. My little baby will be here supposedly in May. But Trini was due on Cinco de Mayo, and she was here on April 16th. So we'll see what happens.

SPEAKER_01 19:20

My due date's May 2nd.

SPEAKER_02 19:22

So we'll see what happens. Stay tuned.

SPEAKER_01 19:24

Yes, well, thank you guys for joining us. You guys have a good one to the next no cheers, just my five. Thank you. Okay. Bye, guys.