Authenticity Makes Relationships Last

When the vibe is off, do you push through or protect your peace? We open up about the subtle ways relationships tell the truth long before we admit it, and how to listen to that signal without slipping into drama. From family and friendships to long-term love, we share the simple filters we use to decide what stays: does it bring joy, support our livelihood, or create real rest?

You’ll hear how growing up changes social circles and why that’s okay. We talk about moving from people pleasing to self respect, giving others the same courtesy we want, and dropping the habit of keeping score over texts and RSVPs. Authenticity sits at the center: relationships crack when we perform instead of show up as our true selves. We unpack what long-lasting love looks like when both partners are allowed to be real, messy, and still kind.

Communication gets practical here. One of us needs time to cool off before talking; the other wants to solve it now. We walk through negotiating those styles, addressing conflict directly, and ending the gossip chain with one disarming question: “Why did they feel comfortable saying that to you?” We also cover how to read effort, accept that people understand you only to their capacity, and let go without turning every change into a fallout. No villains, no vendettas—just boundaries, clarity, and peace from a distance when needed.

If you’re craving easy relationships, stronger boundaries, and honest conversations, this one’s for you. Listen, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a quick review to help more people find the show.

Transcript

unknown 0:02

Sorry. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 0:10

Hi guys. Thank you for tuning in to the um Duff Love in Tacates. Uh not the cates.

SPEAKER_01 0:16

Um this week's episode, we're gonna be talking about relationships and I don't want to walk away.

Reading Energy And Comfort

SPEAKER_00 0:21

That means like without romantic relationships, just family, friends, whatever the case is. So I was gonna ask you, well, when when has there been like a time where you really just you knew this wasn't gonna work out like in any type of sort of relationship?

Three Life Qualifications

Growing Up Changes Friendships

Homebody Boundaries And Courtesy

Authenticity In Love And Friendship

People Pleasing To Self Respect

Communicate Or Let The Season End

Different Styles: Talk Now Or Pause

SPEAKER_01 0:35

Well, I mean, for me, like I've I feel like energy doesn't lie. And if you walk in a room and things feel weird and it's just like either it's really forced or you're just uncomfortable, for me, that's not a space that I like like to willingly put myself in. Right. So I feel like that's that's the biggest sign for me is just when things don't feel right. Like I I I just I like easygoing. I like smooth, I like fun, I like, you know what I mean? And so for me, it's just kind of like I I don't like putting myself in situations that just don't feel right. So I feel like there's not even like just romantic. I mean, I can't tell you how to walk away from a relationship. I've been in one for 25 years. Yeah. So as far as telling someone, as far as like a romantic relationship, I can say like I I don't have much experience in that because I've blessed I haven't had to. Um, but I will say, like, even just I feel I feel like so, I don't even know if it's our age, I'm not sure what it is, but like so many people are changing and so many people are evolving, and friendships that used to be easy got complicated. Yes. Um, you know, family dynamics that used to be easy got complicated. Yeah. And, you know, and it's not to say that somebody's wrong, somebody's right, it's not to say any of that, but like for me, it's just like I've always kind of had like three qualifications to keep things in my life. And for me, those three qualifications are it either makes me happy, makes me money, or get my toes in the sand. I mean, I get a vacation. You know what I'm saying? Like, and so because those are the things that like I I feel like those three things, like that they're that's what my life is about. Like I I and because my life is mine, I get to pick. And I feel like that's what's so great. But I will tell you, like, even just I feel like also when you're younger, your whole life revolves around your friends. Oh yeah, a hundred percent. I mean, even that's how I was as a kid, even with our family. Yeah. I mean, your whole life revolves around your friends and you have these strong relationships, but that's because that's really all you have. All you have is your friendships. Yeah. At that point in time, like you don't have family, you don't have, like, you don't have children, you don't have, I mean, I we're reaching grandchildren. We don't, you don't have all that stuff. So it's so easy to be present and be front and center when you know, like there's a party or there's this or there's that, or you know what I mean? And so it's so easy to just loan yourself to be available. But the older you get, sometimes the life, life just be lifey. And so for me, like I I like, I like simple. Yeah. I I like to give people the same courtesy they give me, where like I'm not the person that shows up to everything. Yeah. I'm not the person that, you know, like I I'm I'm such a homebody. I'm such a homebody. And so like really it's like if I if I feel like going to something, I do. And if I don't, I don't. Um, but I I like to surround myself with people that they know me and I know them. Yeah, that it's like when I would have parties. I never spent any time sitting around talking about why isn't so-and-so here, or why is why didn't so and so come? Why didn't because to me, I just I assumed they have their life, they have things that take precedence, and they're just doing them. Yeah. And I feel like relationships could be so easy if that's just like give people the same courtesy that you want. Exactly. Um, like but I feel like a lot of people like it it just has to be complicated. Yeah. And I'm not, I'm not, I'm not very good at complicated. Yeah, I'm I'm honestly like the exact same because there's been times where even like with past friendships where I'm like where they have reason or like the most like smallest things to fall out about because like same thing, like say if I didn't show up or something like that, or I decided I didn't want to go to something regardless, because sometimes I even obviously I would have my party phase, I wanted to go out, I wanted to just be out and about. But now like it's just I like being home, I like being in my own space. I like being in my around my people that I feel the most comfortable with because I mean obviously if I'm around them, I'm comfortable. But I feel like even then when I would come to like arguments and stuff like that, like it was just if you want to go, then go. Like obviously, like if it's not easy, like hi, yeah. That was really it. I mean, obviously, like wish you the best. I wish nothing bad upon you, hope you like do well, whatever. But I don't need no negativity or nothing like that that isn't gonna serve me any right in my life whatsoever. And especially like when it came to like growing up, I was always like a people pleaser. Always. And I don't even know like at what point where I kind of just stepped out of it, where I was just like, why do I why why do I even care? Who what like what like I feel like it was like if you have to compromise yourself to be in a certain environment, like it's you're you're like a fish out of water, yeah, and that's how it's been, and eventually you suffocate and you die. You know what I mean? So who no, I don't I feel like nobody will stay in that position long enough. And I could tell you, like, even with me, I feel like not that I'm like the expert on all things love and relationships, but I feel like I've always said this where a lot of relationships they don't last because people go into it trying to be what they think the other person wants them to be. And so what happens is they are, you know, like they take on doing things that they like, even if it's something that like that the partner likes, even if it's something that they don't like, and they're doing it and they're forcing it and they're but eventually like who your authentic self is, like it fights, it fights to break free. Yeah, and then you start resenting the other person because they don't agree with the things that you agree with and they don't enjoy the things that you enjoy, but it's kind of like I don't feel in those situations like there's there's really nobody to blame except you because why did you change who you were to begin with? Yeah, like we're just don't you want somebody for me? Like that's probably why dad and I work because we we are like we are who we are, we are our authentic selves, even if we want to kill the authentic self every now and then, you know what I mean? We are still authentic to who we are, yeah. And I get to be myself, I don't have to put on a front, he gets to be himself, he doesn't put on a front, and so we just we get to see the raw the raw, dirty side, yeah, the ugly side, like not dirty side, like ugly side. Hey, no, but I feel like that's that's one of the biggest things, and for me, it's kind of like I don't I don't see like I don't even know how to say like I'm lost for words, but like for me it's kind of like people come into your life for a season and a reason. And for me, it's like I if something feels forced, if something feels heavy, if something, and for me, because I'm the over-communicator, yeah, like I if something's bothering with you, I'm gonna come talk to you. Yeah, I'm not gonna go talk to somebody else and say, hey, Trini this, trini that, that I'm gonna come talk to you. Yeah, because you're the you're what I'm feeling funny about. So I'm gonna come talk to you. So for me, it's like if I communicate to you that something's bothering me or something feels off or something's not right, and we're not able to have an open, honest conversation and find resolve or clear the air or change the energy within it, yeah, then I take it as like this is just it, like the season has passed. Yeah. And but for me, I don't, I don't like to, I I like to look at everything, even when it's come to an end, as as peace. Yeah. I send people off with love, wishing them nothing but the best. And for me, like I'm I'm not the type of person like to fight with people. I don't, I just don't know either. I I just honestly like I get quiet like a lot when I'm like or when I'm feeling some type of way, like I get quiet for a second because I feel like back then I would just react. I would just react out of anger or like sadness and stuff like that, and it wouldn't come out the right way of how I meant it. So now, like when I take the time to really like reflect off of it first and then come to like especially with like a step on and stuff like that, bless him. Like, cause I be putting him through it sometimes, and I don't mean to, but it's like we have he's so opposite, he's like you, like he needs to talk about it, like when when it's happening right then and there to like try to solve this like the issue. But me, I'm like, I need a second, give me a minute, I'll be back, I'll get back to you.

SPEAKER_00 9:51

But he's like, No, I don't like right now, we're kind of like still trying to learn how to compromise with each other with that. I think it's just communicate, yeah. That's what that's what I meant to say.

SPEAKER_01 9:59

Um, but it's it's just it's it's so different, like the way that I would be like with even friendships and stuff like that, with like Gabby and stuff like I'm kind of surprised that like me and her have been like good for so long. Like our relationship is just so like authentic and raw too with each other. And then like the friendships that I had made out here with like Anna or Amy and stuff like that. Like, I think about the ways that I had my old past relationships with friends or even like love, like really like relationship relationships.

SPEAKER_00 10:32

And it's just refreshing to see like just how different like I go about it now because I used to like be a little kiss ass, like just try to keep my friends and myself.

Reading The Room And Effort

Accepting Different Perspectives

Easy Relationships And Firm Boundaries

You Can’t Control Narratives

SPEAKER_01 10:42

Well, I I feel like I don't match energy, but I also I also know how to read the room. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like if you're messaging somebody and they're not messaging you back, yeah. If you're like trying to set times and they're not available and they're so busy and they're so busy and they're so busy, like I feel like, and for me, it's like I'm I'm very blessed to say that like with all my comadres, all my friends, like I have friends from grade school, like my Julia and my Isabel and Kathy and Jessica, you know what I mean? Like we like I said, life just life's yeah sometimes that for me it's like when we find ourselves in you know, in an event together or a car ride or whatever it is, like I don't spend any time going backwards as to like why haven't you called me? What have you been up to? Like, why haven't you this? Why aren't you that? I just for me, that's not it, it it doesn't serve a purpose. Yeah. For me, it's just like, oh my god, friend, like how have you been? What's going on? What it is, what's this, what's that? You know, because like like I said, there's I don't know what they've gone through in their life. And not everybody wants to share every single aspect of everything that's gone in their life. And I respect that. I respect that because I would expect people to respect that for me. Yeah, because I I'm not I don't share very much. Like my my circle is very small, and for me, it's like I I don't feel why would I judge somebody for something that I wouldn't want them to do for judging me for? Exactly. And so I feel like there's so much time. I I don't even want to say wasted because I everybody's different. I feel like everything else for a reason, though. Like I feel like everything's a lesson to really you can make everything into a lesson. I feel like everything's a season or a reason. Yeah, you know, especially when it comes to relationships. And for me, it's just kind of like once once something feels off, it's off. And it's like you can either communicate and find resolve, and sometimes you find it, and sometimes you don't. And sometimes the other person doesn't think like you. So they don't even want to have the conversation to figure it out. They just want, they're just it's their perspective to them. And for me, it's just like, okay, like that's your perspective. This is my perspective. If we can't find common ground, there's no reason to just keep forcing somebody. And the way I see it too is like I believe people can only hear you and understand you to their understanding. Yeah. So it's not even, it's not even so, you know what I mean? Like, because I have a certain like even you and I. Yeah. There's like we could both be in the same situation, the both like same witness the same thing, and I take something completely different than what you've taken. Yeah. Everybody's different. Yeah, everybody's different. So it's like, why would I be mad or upset because somebody doesn't think exactly like me? And why should they be mad or upset because I don't think exactly like them. Yeah. And then I feel like, like, like, like I said, the older you get, there's so many things, like between kids and grandkids, and medical issues, and family medical issues, and you know, financial struggles, and this and that. And there, there's so many things. Nobody like so many people want to share it on Facebook. So many people don't. You know what I'm saying? But it's it's not for one person to say that one's right and what's wrong. It's just a matter of their experience, though. Yeah, their their thoughts. Yeah. Where I feel like to me, like, especially the older I get, like, I want easy relationships. Oh, yeah. I've always been like that though. I don't feel like I've ever really held on every using. Yeah. I don't I don't think I've ever held on to like a toxic situation. I yeah. I I I feel like I'm pretty like I allow in my life what I'm willing to allow in my life, and I cut off without hesitation anything that I'm not. Well, also, like the one thing they always taught me too is like people treat you the way that you allow them to treat you, also. So even when it comes down to like people like talking bad about you or like coming up with stories or like just anything about you, like you take it a lot a lot more easygoing than I've seen like a lot more people do in the past. Well, for me, it's like I don't get to control someone's narrative that they've made up in their head. For me, I I'm a very factual, logical person, and facts are facts, yeah, and lies are lies. And at the end of the day, like I have to live with my mistakes. Yeah. So for somebody else to pass a judgment or tell me who I am because what if they think of it, yeah, it doesn't matter. Like it feels like it's it, it you'll never be able to control someone's opinion of you. And so many people have opinions.

SPEAKER_00 15:32

A lot of the times I believe it's like a reflection of how they feel about themselves sometimes.

Letting Go With Peace And Love

Closing Gratitude

SPEAKER_01 15:36

It may or may not be. Yes. Again, that's that's for them to decide. Yeah, that has nothing to do with me. The only person's life that I get to like control is my own and how I react to things. And so for me, it's like if people want to say certain things or do certain things, I my favorite, and I have to share it, I know we're kind of running around time, but my favorite is if anybody has ever come up to me and said, so-and-so said, my first response is I wonder why they felt comfortable enough to say that to you. And the minute I ask that question, it's like, uh, you know what I mean? Yeah. And then that person never comes back to me to tell me what somebody said because I really don't care what somebody says. Yes, like what somebody says about me is it's gonna hurt you. It it's not that words don't hurt me, but I I have to live with myself. And somebody's always gonna have an opinion. Yeah, everybody's gonna have opinions, but it's like unless you walk a mile in my shoes, like you don't know. And the only person that judges me is God. He's the only one. Like, I know when I die, God's never gonna, like, I'm not gonna get to heaven and he's gonna tell me, Well, what did so and so think about you? Yeah, because it doesn't matter. Like, do you know what I'm saying? Like, you just you just have to live within peace of yourself. And I feel like the relationships that you allow in your life, like you said, like and the thing I want you to keep in mind too, though, is just like I said, like I told you, like you dictate the way you teach people how to treat you. So, with that being said, I feel like a lot of what's happening, the what I see in relationships today is people tolerated a certain level for a long time. And then they're mad at other people because they tolerated it. They settled. And so for me, it's like kind of let it go. Yeah, but let it go with peace and love. And it doesn't have to be like just because you're not hanging out with somebody so much, or just because you're not in the same group of circle of friends anymore, or just because you're not as available as you've been, or something like that. It doesn't mean it has to be like a fallout, like a whole like fuck that bait or fuck that dude or fuck that. You know what I mean? Like that's a lot of people. I feel like yeah, I feel like that there's so many people that live in that window where it's like it's all or nothing. Yes. It's either like that's my ride or die, or fuck that bitch. Yep. And I just I for me, I would I would hope that you know how to read relationships enough. And for me, but just send everybody off with peace. Yeah. Send them with love, send them with peace, send them with you with the ones that don't be real dirty. You know who you are. I I forgive you. Peace and love from a distance. Well, thanks for hanging out with us this week. I will see you guys next week.