Carrying The Weight And Finding Help

This episode of Women in Black gets real about the weight women carry — as moms, wives, daughters, and dreamers. From juggling households during football season to rediscovering passion, Desiree and Josh unpack the mental and emotional load that so many of us silently hold.

We dive into:

- The invisible weight of motherhood and marriage
- Survival mode and finding yourself again
- The reality of “strong woman” fatigue
- The government shutdown, food insecurity, and why we need each other more than ever

#WomenInBlackPodcast #MotherhoodUnmasked #SoftLife #HealingJourney #MarriageTalk #SurvivalMode #StrongBlackWomen #CommunityMatters #RealConversations #FaithAndFemininity

Transcript

Opening Rant: Hunger And Funding

SPEAKER_02 0:00

The thought of kids going hungry next month, but we building a um ballroom for the White House, it's just not making sense to me. And all to all you people out here talking about, oh, they could go get a job, they could go get a job. Let me tell you about the middle class people who do work and still need those food stamps because they can't afford to feed their kids. You get what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 0:24

I know it gets heavy for so many people and they feel like I don't got nobody. Like I'm out here by myself. I don't got a village, I don't got you know people who can help me. What do you do when you don't have anybody? Or at least nobody who can help them. Find a village, create a village, and create. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:43

The family we grew up with is so important, right? But the family we create is so much more important. Complete strangers sometimes will be your biggest support system.

SPEAKER_00 0:56

Woman in Black is where we put down the cake and pick up the mic, being authentically who we are, where we are, unmasked, unfiltered, and unapologetic.

SPEAKER_02 1:08

How is your your day, your week, all of that? Going it, going

Welcome And Show Framing

SPEAKER_02 1:12

it. That's it. That's all I got for you. It's going. It's going. Life be life in and it be going. Mm-hmm. Life in and going. Like that. That's it.

What We’re Carrying Right Now

SPEAKER_02 1:24

So we be carrying a lot of stuff as women. That's why we're sitting here unmasked. In our therapy couch. On our therapy. You know, because we be carrying a lot. What are you currently carrying? What's the weight that you're currently carrying? It could be positive. It could be something that's cooling you down. Like what is it? Positive weight is good too.

SPEAKER_01 1:59

Yeah. Um I am carrying the weight of the kids, obviously. Um, it's football season. So although my husband is my husband, I don't see a lot of him during football season. Because when he comes home, he's eating and going to sleep. You know, the weekends he's watching film. So I'm responsible. I'm so almost solely responsible for the house when during football season. And the kids try their best. And so it's like they one season where they try like they buck up. Yeah. So you know, football season. Um, and I'm like, you I I I told him I said, I think you should like not coach uh uh in the spring. Can we we have track off? No track. Because track is all Saturday too. So we'll be like the same schedule and then track all Saturday. But so um that normal stuff, but also um helping my husband build out his business, bring it to the next level, and I got some uh couple ventures that I'm doing as well. Um so that's good weight because you you'll see the fruits of your labor. You put in the work and you'll see the fruits. Yeah, the heaviest is just being mom. And really, I for me that's heavy because I want to be great at it. Like I don't want to be meet a mediocre mom. Like I want my kids to have memories that they they can hold on to. And so I I think I put a lot of pressure on myself to be a good mom.

SPEAKER_02 3:37

Um when you're already a good freaking mom. Yeah, like if you don't do nothing else for the rest of the year, your kids gonna have memories to talk about from 2025. Like, and it's not the memories we want them to have aren't gonna be the memory memories that they remember. I know, it'd be the dumb stuff. It's

Motherhood Pressure And Memories

SPEAKER_02 3:59

gonna be the dumb stuff. Like, remember that time mommy party did the grocery store, like that. So it's not well, it's that's as parents, that's what we need to understand. It we put so much pressure on ourselves because this is what we want for them, and then they're gonna hit us with remember that time Miss Jocksley fell down the steps, something crazy, something wild, like but remember what my kids said about me.

SPEAKER_01 4:21

Oh, yeah. So I feel like what they do remember doesn't always align with what I think they're gonna remember because I think the one thing that kids want above anything else is just time, yeah. Like they each want their own time, yeah. So even what I did with them collectively, when I went to DJ class to paint that pumpkin, he thought that was the grandest gesture ever in the world. Yeah, yeah, I get it. I just you know, it but it's it those are the things that you'll reap benefits from for life if you know do it right. I've really been trying to work on myself for a long time. That's good. For a very long time. Every season is something else I'm realizing I gotta do. I'm like, oh shoot, and get past that.

SPEAKER_02 5:06

Because life be life in.

SPEAKER_01 5:08

Yeah, yeah. But what about you? What you carrying? What that weight look like?

SPEAKER_02 5:14

Always waiting.

Losing Passion And Survival Mode

SPEAKER_02 5:16

Um, I'm currently battling something within myself, losing passion for certain things in my life right now. So that's really heavy on my brain, heavy on my heart. Like, so that's something that I'm not gonna go too deep in on here, but it's heavy. Um because you do stuff, you do, you know, we I I'm I'm so passionate about everything I do. So this area is heavy. But it might be God, it is God telling me it's time to elevate. It's yeah, mom hood. Mom hood. Um I've been thinking a lot lately, like I was looking back at the Soft Girl era episode and Kira said something real strong that's that that has not left me about being in survival mode. We're all so many people are in survival mode. That's that's a weight all in itself, you know what I mean? Like, I don't complain a lot. Um, when I'm venting, I hope that's not complaining. I'm just venting about how I feel. I have an experience. Okay, because I don't want to be a complainer, but you know, the weight of of doing everything all the time by yourself, like that's annoying. You know what I mean? Like, I have um one kid about to go to college, got another one right after him, following up that wants to go to college. I got another one who is battling stuff with like just having like okay, so I'm gonna be transparent. My baby texts my mom and said, my mom, I'm only asking you because I ain't got no. If I don't ask you, I don't got nobody else to ask. That hurt. So I'm battling that. I told you it's always him, it's always that one. It's always everybody feel bad. Yeah, he always makes everybody feel bad, but I'm bad, like that is a heavy weight on me to make sure that I'm always there, always doing, going above and beyond. Because when he says stuff like that, I'll be like, oh my gosh. Like so the weight of everything, just juggling these kids, just and again, I will never discredit my village. My kids have some great people that come from me, and they have a few great people that come from their other side. Um, but the weight of all of that is just like I'm just looking for the end, like when is gonna be lifted off. So other than that, that's my not it's not even negative weight, it's the surviving weight. Like I'm just out here surviving. So that's why I've been trying to make more time for myself, do more things that I want to do. If you don't, if you just carry that weight and don't try to do anything for yourself, you're gonna fall. You're gonna fall and it's gonna hurt. And thankfully, I'm resilient. So even when I do fall, I get back up. But everybody not like me. You know what I mean? Everybody not like you. Like we can get through it. We don't really be falling. We might trip. We might trip, but we don't fall because it's not in us to fall.

SPEAKER_01 8:37

Because we look at the world very different. Yes. And we have to. Yeah because people depend on us. Yes. Um, and I know it gets I know it gets heavy for so many people. Like I just feel it like I know it gets heavy for so many people, and they feel like I don't got nobody. Like I'm out here by myself. I don't got a village, I don't got you

Create Your Village, Ask For Help

SPEAKER_01 8:57

know people who can help me. What do you do when you don't have anybody? Right? Yeah, what do you do? Because there's a lot of people who don't have anybody and or at least nobody who can help them. You know what I'm saying? Right. Y'all got this. Yep. Keep being strong, but also find a village, create a village if you can.

SPEAKER_02 9:18

Create because your village does not the family we grew up with is so important, right? But the family we create is so much more important. Like a complete stranger sometimes will be your your biggest support system. Yeah. Versus the family that you grew up with.

SPEAKER_01 9:39

For sure.

SPEAKER_02 9:40

So create that village. Like, even if your village does not have to have my village, probably got like 40 people, right? My the the big picture of the village, but my main village got about a good six. Yeah, there's no number on it. If you got two people, two good friends that y'all all piggyback off each other, iron sharp sharpens iron. We're all here for each other to help each other lift a little bit of that weight. Like, do it, like create that village. Like, it does not have to be an endless uh number of people on your village.

SPEAKER_01 10:16

Yeah, in your village, you gotta be able to um be open to that because sometimes we get so used to carrying it all by ourselves that we're not open to asking for help, right? Um, and I think you know we cause more harm to ourselves when we don't. Um we don't ask for help. But yeah, the weight file up.

Policy, Poverty, And Employment Deserts

SPEAKER_02 10:36

Yeah, and then let's talk literal sense, the weight of the world right now, because the world is crazy, the world is in shambles right now. The world, America, we need prayer. We do, like, what is happening? The weight of the world is in shambles, like the thought of I'm just so blessed, right? So grateful that I'm not waiting for food stamps and stuff like that to get by. But the thought of kids going hungry next month, but we building a um ballroom for the White House, it's just not making sense to me. And all to all you people out here talking about, oh, they could go get a job, they could go get a job. Let me tell you about the middle class people who do work and still need those food stamps because they can't afford to feed their kids. You get what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 11:34

Like, yeah, I'll bring it a step further. What people fail to realize a lot about some families that are on uh government assistance. I'll use Cumberland County as an example. There's no trains, buses, or nothing to get them anywhere. And I mean that with all my heart.

SPEAKER_02 11:54

There's buses, but it ain't taking buses.

SPEAKER_01 11:57

You if you're at if your child gets sick and you miss one, it's gonna take you an hour for the next one to come around.

SPEAKER_02 12:03

She's so annoying.

SPEAKER_01 12:04

But you're gonna be late. Yeah. But no, seriously, there are um rural areas where there used to be built-up areas where there were factories and it was vibrant at a point in time, but because of the shift in the economy and some of these things being taken away, it's like, okay, you want we want them to find a job, but what about the areas where there are no jobs? There are areas where there aren't enough jobs for the amount of people that are there and moving and uprooting your family. Some of us know it's not that easy. You're still gonna have to, you still gotta feed them on your way, you still need a place to live, you still need all of these things. So it's like a catch 22. What I would have preferred to see is, you know, our current administration talking about bringing factories and stuff back and all that stuff. How about do it in the reverse? Bring them back, you know, set people up for success. Yeah, and then if you want to start phasing people out of this program, then phase them out, but give them an alternative, right? Help, like really help. And don't come in here under our post about well, they've been helping because they could go to school or this or that. Jobs. There are areas within the US where you cannot even, there are no jobs. You understand? No, there are none, no jobs. There, I don't even know. Is there even a hospital in Brisbane anymore? Um, it's the merch, it's an emergency room. There's no jobs.

SPEAKER_02 13:31

It's not a full hospital, and it's like um the crisis where they send kids for uh adults and kids for crisis. So it's just like emergency room get transferred out.

SPEAKER_01 13:40

Yeah, like that's that's scary to me. Like, so I I I I look at it a lot different because I think that you know, people feel like, oh, we're gonna solve everything for this, and they're looking at life through their lens and their perspective. Yes, yeah, but there's so many different situations that's occurring, and that's only one that I can speak to because there are employment deserts, just like they're food deserts. There's places where you can't even walk to a grocery store and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_02 14:07

Obviously, there are really places, especially like down south.

SPEAKER_01 14:11

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 14:12

Oh, certain parts of Georgia, like stores are like 13 miles away.

SPEAKER_01 14:17

Yeah, there's there's

Music, Karaoke, And Coping

SPEAKER_01 14:18

these people like it's hard.

SPEAKER_02 14:20

And then it's just hard. And I was I went, um, I was eating lunch one day a couple weeks ago, and some guys, I don't know which corporation they worked for, but they were eating lunch too. And I overheard one of them saying, Um, well, well, let's just put this like this 60% of America is living paycheck to paycheck. Them people that's living paycheck to paycheck, they are a lot of the times house broken. So they do need those. They need regardless, they can be they're working, but they still need more because if rent is at an all-time high, rent is ridiculous. And with rent, they say in order to get this two thousand dollar a month place, we need you to make three times your income. If those people made three times their income, they won't be living there, they wouldn't be living there. So it's just the weight of the world, and this is a time where we need to stick together, help each other out, and try to just lift a little bit of weight off.

SPEAKER_01 15:27

Yeah, and try to look at the world through other people's lenses, especially those who are, you know, less fortunate and who rely on certain things, ask the hard questions, like really ask yourself those questions or you know, start a conversation or research. Don't just think, don't just look at the narrative that people are spewing to make you because a lot of it's propaganda. Yep. Don't look at that. Like some of us have worked in areas where we see people go through different things on a routine basis or lived in those type of areas, and we're like, oh wow, didn't even realize that was an issue. So I I think we just have to be more educated and be willing and open to educate ourselves um on what's happening in the world. How do we unload some of this? Karaoke. I don't know if I can disagree.

SPEAKER_02 16:21

It makes me feel good. It makes me feel good music. That's how I escape. Music.

SPEAKER_01 16:27

Yeah. Oh girl, so I'm um expanding my vinyl collection. I know that sounds crazy, but I have a record player that Dom got me like our first Christmas together. I opened it, I only bought a couple records for it, but I'm expanding it because I just need it. I just want to hear a vinyl record. So I ordered um Jackson 5 Christmas and Mariah Carey's Christmas album on vinyl. I'm gonna be so soup. I'll let you listen to it when I get it.

SPEAKER_02 16:59

Okay. Like make like hot chocolate and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_01 17:02

Yeah, I just I should do this video because I did a hot cocoa.

SPEAKER_02 17:06

Can we get a DJ too?

SPEAKER_01 17:08

Can we start being no, uh even though in my past life I might have been one. No, for real. I could see right.

SPEAKER_02 17:17

Look at it.

SPEAKER_01 17:18

I know because I got all the stuff.

SPEAKER_02 17:24

Yeah, no, that's so cool.

SPEAKER_01 17:27

Yeah, I like that.

SPEAKER_02 17:28

That's so cool. I can't wait to see it. Yeah, especially me in like my grandmom and grandpa days.

SPEAKER_01 17:34

Yeah, my dad used to um my dad my dad did anything involved with music. He just loved music. Um, and so it kind of just I want I'm I'm in a season where I'm just trying to slow down, embrace different things about me that have been sleeping for a little while. Yeah, gotcha. So I'm with you. He said karaoke. That's so funny. Yeah, I just wasn't expecting you to say karaoke.

SPEAKER_02 17:55

Things be things just happening. Oh yeah. Things just be happening. I don't know why. Yeah, the weight we carry, you just gotta unleash. I'll be sitting here lying if I told y'all I I had to answer to un unbagging the weight.

SPEAKER_01 18:12

Like, I don't sometimes I just stop caring. I and I that might not be healthy. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 18:19

Did you know that people

Marriage Seasons And Identity Shifts

SPEAKER_02 18:21

who don't care live longer?

SPEAKER_01 18:24

Probably because I don't be careful sometimes. I don't know. Like, and that and I don't be trying to be selfish about it. I just I know how it feels to care about everything and everybody.

SPEAKER_02 18:34

So here's the thing like um y'all be watching the news all the time and stuff. I don't me either. I only know about this stuff going on with the food stamps and stuff because it followed can I say this? R.I.P. Decade Scott. Did you watch that? I'm not watching. Don't watch. Oh, I'll start telling you about it. Oh my gosh. So that's how you know things just your algorithm. It just so that's how I really knew about what's going on with the the nation, the world, and how we got a new ballroom. We ain't got no new ballroom, they got a new ballroom, right? So what? But yeah, I don't I don't be scared, like I don't be walking around here scared and living in fear. I just don't.

SPEAKER_01 19:18

We gotta we have to know enough, yeah, to you know, be on our peace and keep right. But that's it. I'm not gonna dig too deep.

SPEAKER_02 19:25

I'm not listening to watch the news anymore, yeah. And listen, if y'all you gotta live. So if you gotta make some payment arrangements or something, live for real, live because just live, like don't stretch yourself out trying to follow with what the new what's on the news and stuff like that. Live your life, live, take care of your household, live, make you a few payment arrangements if you need to go get your nails done or something. Do something for yourself. Like how the way that electric gonna be there, it is it is, it's gonna be there. Rob Peter to pay post. Do what you got. So many people are living like that. Yeah, like I live like that sometimes, depending on what's going on in my life.

SPEAKER_01 20:11

Like, you know what might be also a good perspective on this? Because I don't I could talk about this more, but I don't talk about it a lot. Um, but having an experience both sides, maybe it'd be helpful. The world gives this expectation of marriage, like you get married, you good. Like that's the end all be all. Oh, yeah. Like it just be like, oh, we when I get married, everything gonna be solved, all my problems gonna be solved. And then I be like, no, they not actually. So what you're gonna have is an extra person's feelings, extra problems, extra problems and trauma. Yeah, and you know, it's gonna take a lot of work to get through. But um, I'm just saying that because I know we talk a lot about our experience, whether it be what you carry as a single mom or even what I carried as a single mom, but I don't really touch upon the fact that there's some married couples, I shouldn't say married women necessarily, but married couples, because some relationships go through ebbs and flows. Like I could think about the time when um Dom's career came to an end, and it's like, oh shoot, okay, I gotta pick up right now. Like, because it's seasons, okay, okay, I gotta pick up. And so I think that, and sometimes you think of it that way, you'd be like, okay, that shouldn't be a problem. But when your life goes from this to yeah, it's like, oh shoot, everything changed in an instant.

SPEAKER_02 21:35

That's the part of the worst, for better or for worse. Yeah, and I think when people do get married sometimes in this generation, right? They forget about that worst part.

SPEAKER_01 21:45

Oh yeah, they forget about it because they, you know, they just think about the roses and the like, you know, they look in the social media, yeah. Social media is like is that why the divorce rate be stuff? I think so. I'm not even gonna let this conversation go here today.

SPEAKER_02 22:04

Don't do it, cuz because yeah, it'd be them sassy, the men

Taxes, Shutdowns, And Spending Power

SPEAKER_02 22:09

of sassy. The women of four they want to be so strong. I don't want to be that strong. I'm the only strong because I gotta be. Okay, let's throw that out there.

SPEAKER_01 22:25

Right. Yeah, so that's what I'm trying to get to say because we gotta shed light on when it comes to the marriage part because we we don't talk about it that often. And I'm sure there's other women who like, girl, I hear right, yeah. This over here is a mess too. It's a lie, and you got enough of us marry friends and be like, well, she's y'all in the season right now. For real. But um, but yeah, and sometimes it's just identity, the weight of finding a new you, especially in like places like marriage or after having kids.

SPEAKER_02 23:04

Well, don't let that weight carry you, carry it.

SPEAKER_01 23:11

I don't say so. It's like I'ma go to South Jersey with stick, but most of the time it's thick, so it don't matter.

SPEAKER_02 23:20

Don't let the weight carry you, carry it. Okay, that's what I'm gonna leave y'all with. There you go. What she said, whatever it means, however, you took that, take it.

SPEAKER_01 23:30

Yeah, we all going through something. Yes, but you got this. We're with you. We're gonna be praying for this whole world if you can spare a coffee. Yeah, if you can. I wish we took EVT.

unknown 23:44

Why?

SPEAKER_02 23:44

They ain't got no more. The funds is froze, girl. They didn't froze the people's funds up. The government ain't right right now. We in a shutdown.

SPEAKER_01 23:53

They ain't we in the shut right now. The crazy part is we in a shutdown, and then the shut one of the clauses, but why we not open is because they want to take the funds. Right. So they don't got the funds, and then if this thing is tied, they probably still ain't gonna get the funds.

SPEAKER_02 24:09

Exactly. I seen this lady say the smartest thing, then I'm gonna leave y'all. She said they want to take from us, let's stop giving to them. Christmas holiday season is approaching. Oh, but let's stop putting this money into these stores. Like the, you know, the like let's keep it into the small businesses, and I know that's so hard because everybody loves Amazon, everybody loves Target, and everybody loves all the other stores, but she was on to something like let's not give them no money. This is our money they're playing with.

SPEAKER_01 24:38

Why are we paying taxes during the government shutdown? Because it's a this is a clause in our tax that we don't know, but I don't remember signing a document about paying taxes. Do we have to pay taxes? Are we okay to pay taxes? Because I remember so that in the employment paperwork when we sign so I don't even mean to be funny, but I'm thinking over here, like do we have to?

SPEAKER_02 25:06

Or I mean we do, but but why? Why do we like to this? Why do we went why we gotta pay taxes if y'all trying to cut social security? Y'all trying to cut unemployment. Like we have a tax pause, forfeit my taxes until the government opens back up. That's how I'm no because they so slick, they'll be done doubled up on our taxes when they reopen.

SPEAKER_01 25:32

Yeah, because we paying their salary and stuff. They don't want us to take their salary, but they sure enough taking other people's.

SPEAKER_02 25:39

God bless America, yeah, literally, cuz y'all out here wildin'. Y'all want to see something shake? He's shaking, he's shaking it up.

SPEAKER_01 25:51

It's y'all president, it's it's y'all president, right? Buy us a coffee if you can.

SPEAKER_02 25:58

We're about to water.

SPEAKER_01 25:59

I ain't picky right now. We shut down. Right. We're gonna look back at this in five years. How many more years he got office? Three years. Right. He what y'all do? Why y'all vote for somebody who trying to change the whole policy for running? Because I feel like that's what he's trying to do. I think there's something.

SPEAKER_02 26:22

I

Closing: Carry The Weight, Don’t Let It Carry You

SPEAKER_02 26:23

know why they would a lot of them voted for him, but I ain't getting into policy because they ain't want a black woman, they didn't even want a woman, no woman at all.

SPEAKER_01 26:30

No, no, because the woman will fall into DEI for them. I don't want no DEI president. Shut up. You don't even know what DEI is.

SPEAKER_02 26:40

What is what is it?

SPEAKER_01 26:42

Y'all don't even spell it.

SPEAKER_02 26:44

I'm so mad that y'all y'all voted for him. And you know what? We're gonna get a lot of comments on this one. And guess what? We don't care. And for you people that just be like, um, not another podcast. Yep, another one, a great one. Yeah, sick of y'all, but keep commenting, keep commenting. We love it. Oh fart, yo, I can't. This world crazy, it's it's we don't even use the R word no more, right? Well, y'all is on the spectrum, we is too, but y'all on a different spectrum. I'm clearly delete that.

SPEAKER_01 27:33

But all right, y'all. Have a good night.

SPEAKER_02 27:37

We done.